Monday, January 26, 2015

Now You See Me! Now You Don't

As I was busy looking for accommodation, I saw a two bedroom apartment to share on the West Side of Vegas. It somehow looked familiar. I may have talked to the guy while I was still in LA. This time though, I emailed back and forth with a woman. She told me that she and her husband were looking for someone to occupy the second bedroom. As the sixth of seven kids who was raised in a home with extended family, I am just not a big fan of overcrowdedness. I don't know if that's normal for someone who grew up in a big family or it's the other way round? Anyway, growing up, I spent most of my time locked up in a spare room reading #NerdAlert! If it were up to me, I would never have roommates but I will take one roommate as a plan B, no more than one other person in the house though, nah! Plus, once there are too many of you in the house, you start clicking and all kinds of drama I'm not in the mood for. I can't! The lady made sure to tell me that they are hardly ever at home. They both work full time, blah blah blah. I thought, the least I could do was view the place. What I liked was that it was month to month, so I could move there temporarily and then move again the following month. It was an option, not a strong one, but an option nonetheless. I arranged to view the place the following day.

As I was talking to the lady, I was chatting with the green eyed guy, we'll call him Hunter, mhhhhh! We didn't exchange that many emails, him and I. Or we did, what do I know? I was chatting with so many people. That's why I don't give them my phone number because it's harder to keep track of who's who once you chat with them on email and text. If you have all the conversations on email, you know what's going for what. I wasn't that psyched about going to view that place in the heat but I had to do something! The nicer places' people were not getting back to me. I took the bus in the heat using Maps for directions. I think it was somehow upside down, so I went north instead of west from the east. Before I knew it, I was a block away from where I started. Do you know how tempted I was to go back to the hostel, drink some ice cold water and watch Reality tv online? You have no idea! Instead, I put my big girl's panties on, and got back on the bus, right direction this time! The place isn't that far from where I was staying. I got off two stops away, so I had to walk even more than I had to in the desert heat. It was around 100° F (38° C). Whilst making my way to the place, I got a call from this California number. Hello? "Hey, Brook! It's Hunter! How you doing?" Between the heat and excitement, I literally dropped dead and woke up in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. Lol, just kidding. He asked what I was up to. I told him. He was on the strip, gambling at one of the resorts; he plays poker for a living. Fun, right? I wanna play for a living too. I mean, I kinda do already, people ask me all the time, so what do you do, especially after buying the car. Cos they always see me gallivanting all over the place, all hours of day and night, they be like, so what DO you do. Like with emphasis on the first do. I tell them, nothing. It's a shorter version of the longer version. Hunter asked if  I wanted to go for iced coffee after viewing the place. I agreed. Nice motivation to get the viewing over and done with. If I had known  I was going to go on a date.... with destiny, I sure wouldn't have worn such a short top with my leggings. It was the first time in my entire life I ever wore such a short top with leggings, but I was like, I'm new to Vegas, nobody knows me here plust it's too hot to care. The top was nice and thin in material. And then I had to go and meet a cute guy with this ridiculous outfit. I mean, not ridiculous ridiculous, but you know what  I mean! I was sweating like a racehorse, but who wasn't?

I arrived at this chick's place. I called her from the parking lot. She told me she was at the store, they just arrived, could I wait? Bitch, no! I ca n't wait for you at a random parking lot in the scorching heat while you're shopping! If you're not available, I'm leaving! I've got people to do and places to go, or something like that haha. Get it? She told me she was going to ask her fiance to drop her off. If this chick lives with her husband and she is now with her fiance, this may not be the kind of lifestyle I'm trying to get involved with. She told me she would be there in ten minutes. Ten minutes is too long, when you're dehydrating from heat and have taken four buses to get some place, two for the wrong way, two to the right direction. Still, bottom line is the bottom line! Right? :)
Ten minutes later, I get a call from her. Hey, Brook, sorry, my husband just dropped me off but we forgot the keys, he has them in the car with him. His phone is with me, so I can't call and ask him to bring me the keys. Phuck! This will never work! I am just waiting now, because I am here already, otherwise I can assure you now, I don't want to live with these people. Not for only a month, not at all! Plus, the guy is now back at being her husband! Double You Tee Eff!

Not long after, I got another call from the girl telling me to come around to the apartment. He boyfriend/husband/fiance had dropped the key. I was like, oh wow, that was quick! She said, 'I know, he's amazing. That's why I married him!'

The apartment reeked of cigarette smoke! I could smell it from the balcony, so, naturally, the first thing I asked was, 'Do you guys smoke?' She told me that they do but not in the apartment. Never in the apartment! I was like, strike 89. We walked into the apartment, They have two sofas and a giant TV in the living room. and a couple of coffee tables. She took me to the bedroom. There's an enormous hole on the  bedroom door. Strike 90! The bed is on the floor. I see that a lot here in the States. In South Africa, beds either have legs or people put bricks underneath to make up for the legs. No jokes! Here, I see base sets on the floor, it looks too tacky to me! Tackier than the brick situation. She told me that as soon as I pay deposit, they would buy whatever else I need for the room. Mind you, deposit is supposed to be refundable. How are they going to refund me if they are going to go on a shopping spree as soon as I hand it to them? Landlords! That's not what potential tenants want to hear! If you're renting out a furnished room, furnish it before you rent it out, otherwise it's not a furnished room. If you're going to use my money to buy the furniture to furnish the furnished room you're renting out to me, that's not how it works. Don't act dumb, this is pretty simple. You would understand this if the shoe was on the other foot! They have a tv cord on the floor, she told me that when I move in, I could use the tv in the bedroom, or hang out in the living room with her. She continued to tell me that she would actually prefer it if I would hang out with her in the living room. She could use the company, she gets so bored, being at home all the time. I was like oh, so you don't have a job? Remember this chick, told me via email that they both have very demanding jobs and are never at home? No, she's at home all the time! Strike 93! When I asked her about work, she fumbled a bit. She didn't know why I was asking, you know when you want to give someone the answer they want to hear but aren't sure what they want to hear? That was her predicament. Poor Thing, the rent money was so close, she could smell it! PS. The tv she was talking about in the bedroom was going to be purchased with my refundable deposit money.

On our way out of the bedroom, I asked her about the elephant in the room or should I say the hole on the door. She told me that they were moving the bed into the room, she accidentally hit the door with her elbow. Sssuuurrreeee! Cos I'm some dumbo who will believe ridiculous sht like that. Of course, that was her man, he punched the door. I would say either she did or he did, but it was totally him. That girl is so on edge, you can tell she is in an abused relationship. And she's likely on drugs. I was on my way out, when she asked me to have a sit. She wanted me to meet her next door neighbor who is from South Africa. I didn't want to, but what are you gonna do? You don't wanna be that person who doesn't want to meet someone from your country. I sat right next to a coffee table that had cigarette ash on it. I took a picture of it. You know? For fun! I got up to get something from my handbag which was on the other end of the room. When I went back to my seat, the ash was gone. Well, sht! Abracadabra! If I hadn't taken that picture, I would have sworn I imagined that ash. Not that it mattered, I wasn't taking the place anyway.

The neighbor finally came by. She's a older white lady from the Western Cape. I love my South Africans, but when someone tells me they want to introduce me to someone from South Africa, so many questions go through my mind. Black or white? How do they feel about blacks? How do they feel about meeting other South Africans? Mhhh?!?!?!?!? How can I get out of this without meeting this person? Etc! The lady seemed nice, overenthusiastic, even! She told me about her kids who are all successful, they are all really wealthy, blah blah blah. Sht I had no interest in, at all. She gave me a vibe; either her kids are all bums and she's making the whole thing up or she doesn't even have kids. Oh and we spoke Afrikaans for a second. She seemed thrilled to have met someone with whom she can speak Afrikaans.

The prospective landlord also told me that they found all their furniture in the dumpster. Strike... What number are we at now? She offered me a ride to the buses. She told me she loves my vibe, well, what's not to love lol. I was thinking, sadly, the feeling is not mutual! Thanks, anyway! She told me she is done showing the room, she found her tenant. I thought to myself, nobody wants your dodgy room, sweetie, I know you guys have had it advertised for a month now, so please! By the way, her man dropped by. He looked mad as hell, like he was ready to punch a hole into the door. Granted, I don't know the guy, maybe that's his resting face. Shout out to all the mad faced resting face people! I've been told I'm unapproachable myself, so I know how it feels. I got a call from Hunter. He wanted to know which area I was at, so he could meet me somewhere close by. I told him. He went to the Starbucks in the neighborhood. As the girl insisted on dropping me off, I told her to take me there. She gave me about three hugs when we were about to part. She seemed like she was ready to burst out crying. Awww, cute! She missed me already! #GetMeOuttaHere!

She asked me to let her know that night if I was taking the place, I could move in the following day. She told me that she could give me a ride to the hostel, where we could pick up my stuff, and I could move in there and then if I liked. I felt so overwhelmed! She wouldn't give me space to breathe! P.S. The apartment is not walking distance from the Strip as was advertised. It would have taken me 20 minutes by bus stop to the strip. I checked on maps. That's not walking distance!

I got off the car, called Hunter to tell him I was outside. There were so many people at that Starbucks. I wasn't about to start scouring people's faces trying to figure out which one is Hunter. He didn't pick up when I called but popped out and Boom! He was right in front of me. Tink, tink, tink! Suddenly, I was hearing bells ringing softly, ever so gently, stars all around me, handsomeness. I must have died and gone to heaven! Hi! I think he reached out to shake my hand, but I opted to bless him with my well endowed bosom, and gave him a hug haha! He had a cap on. On his online picture, he had a hat on. Does this guy have a bald spot? Who cares, as B.B. King sings, You can leave your hat on! We went back to his table by the window. He had asked me while I was on my way, if I wanted him to order me my iced coffee, so that by the time I got there, it would be ready. I thought, aaaawww, sweet! I don't drink coffee, or anything for that matter, just water. So I told him I'll just have Ice water. It was still hot as hell. Those Starbucks tables for two are really small! I sat on them once in Hollywood during lunch break from the Judge Judy show with an extremely hot friend of mine. I don't know if sitting at a table with a hot person you wanna make out with, makes it that much smaller or those tables are really small!

This man was sitting across from me, he had his elbows on the table and his face rested on his hands, his eyes, which are such a work of art; I mean you can see every line; every different shade of green, hazel and where which color begins and ends, were looking deeply into mine. Into my soul!  In my life, I never felt so bare before, well, maybe when  I first met the guy I was at Starbucks, Hollywood with. That was not our first meeting. When we first met, he looked me like no one ever did before. I still have a soft spot for him, because there's something about how he looks at me. Or about how I feel when he looks at me. Oh, Christ! Anyway! Back to Starbucks, West Side, Las Vegas. Hunter complemented me on my eyes and smile, and great skin. Things, I thought were great about him! I sat there, melting. Slowly. Inside. He asked me a few questions about myself. He automatically took charge of the conversation. Normally, I'm the one who does that. I don't really want to, but someone has to, so I end up asking all the questions and all the other person does is answer and go, 'and you?' Some ass holes don't even ask and you, they enjoy talking about their lames ass selves.

I finished my water, and asked for some more. When we were done, Hunter told me that he was going for a dip in the pool. He invited me over. I was like, 'So you're asking me if I want to get naked in front of you today?' He laughed and said, you're not just beautiful and funny, you're smart too! I thought, Lord, enough with the compliments, I'm dying here. If I had any underwear on that day, if would have landed on the floor. Talk about an automatic panty dropper! This dude was laughing at all my jokes. He had a sense of humor, thank Goodness, finally! He was funny too. I had a couple of good laughs and when I was laughing, he would stare at me like he's never seen someone laugh before. It was magical! I politely declined the pool invite. He told me he was going to cook that night, he knows I said I was staying at a hostel, maybe I would like a home cooked meal. I accepted. I love how guys always cook for me! It's the best!

He took me to the hostel, I told him how nice it was to meet him and gave him a hug. He was like, wait, aren't you coming with me? That's when I realised, oh sht, I'm going to the pool with him, then dinner. By accepting dinner invitation, I automatically got myself trapped into going to the pool with him. Sht! Oh well, whatevz! I told him I needed to freshen up. He waited in the parking lot while I showered and changed into something poolly! I don't know how to swim, so I just put on a skirt, tank top and flip flops.



Friday, January 23, 2015

And That's How The Cookie Crumbled

All in all, it had been a nice first day as a Nevada Resident. I went back to the room, did some house hunting online, then went to sleep.

There were lots of places available near to The Strip aka Las Vegas Boulevard, which is where I was looking because, well, I didn't move to Vegas to live deep in the valley far away from it all. Plus, I needed to be close to public transportation. I made a few phone calls. Most of the apartments in the neighborhood were under rental agencies. They wanted me to provide proof of employment. Well, mam, I don't have one! I just moved to town in hopes of getting a job once I settle into my apartment! One of the agencies wanted me to pay Three times one month's rent, because I didn't have proof of employment. I thought about it for a moment, but then again, I was like that's too much money to entrust a random person with. What if when it's time to move out, they come up with stories and I lose all that money? I decided to let them be my last resort. 

I did a little bit of research while I was still in LA and saw tons of accommodation where they would be like a small deposit, or no deposit, month to month, no lease. Where were all those places now that I was in Vegas? I decided to look some more. If all else failed, I cold always just pay daily at the hostel until I found my own place. 

It was very hot! Vegas in hot in the summer, yo, this place doesn't play! I have experienced some hot summers, and Vegas Summer may be the hottest. I mean, the Summer in Utah was pretty up there as well and the one in Akhaltsikhe, Georgia. Is it me, or are the summers getting hotter? I mean, I wouldn't know, every summer, I'm in a different location altogether; 2014 - I was in Las Vegas, Nevada, 2013 - Salt Lake City, Utah, 2012 - New Haven, Connecticut, 2011 - Akhaltsikhe, (republic of) Georgia, 2011 - Uitenhage, South Africa (two summers and two winters in 2011 because I moved from one county to another during the  summer while it was winter in the other country and vice versa). I watched the backpackers check in and out of the hostel, going oit on excursions and stuff. I let some of them use my phone during meal times. I have unlimited calls, texts and internet. The hostel charges an arm and a leg for local calls, I didn't mind. 

It is pretty busy, that hostel. Busier than the one on Hollywood Boulevard I stayed at. It could also be the time of year I stayed at the different hostels. People were sleeping in the daytime and going out at night. Brilliant idea, considering the heat during the day. I wasn't on vacation, so I was on a totally different schedule. The room was always dark, blinds and curtains were always closed cos there was always someone sleeping. I thought that was fair.You want light? Go outside! There's plenty of it and a side of heat for free ninety nine!

I had changed my location details on the dating site weeks before moving to LA to Vegas. I started hearing from Vegas guys from then. I use the word guys loosely. In my opinion, there are guys and then there are, I don't know, others? I remember hearing from this man while I was still in LA who seemed very interested in me. He wanted me not to even bother looking for a place of my own to stay but to move in with him AND HIS MOM. Yeah, that'll be a no. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, burnt it, threw away the ashes. Thanks though, boo boo! The guy is two years older than me, so age appropriate, for a great change but! And there's a big BUTT BUT! Everything else wasn't going to work for me nor him for that matter. First, we chatted via email, then he asked for my number, he wanted to talk on the phone. I was like this guy is serious, I likey!

While Chatting with Mama's boy, I was also talking to another guy. He was older. He told me he doesn't do endless texting and email exchange. He wanted to talk over the phone. I was like, sure, why not? I mean, if he's a creeper, I can always block his ass. He gave me his number and asked me to call him. I don't know if it's me, America or the times but I see a lot of guys here who give girls their numbers and 'asks' them to call them. By ask, I mean, they say, 'call me!' So, basically, it's not even asking, they give girls their numbers and tell them to call them. I decided to text the man and have him call me. I just texted, 'hi, SoAndSo, it's Brook'. He asked, Brook from where? I was like WTF? We just exchanged emails. I didn't say that to him but I sure thought it. I just texted him back lol. Meaning, well, whatever you want it to mean, it differs from case to case. He called me and apologised for his text, saying he didn't mean to be rude. I asked if he knew who he was talking to. He said, you're the one with a kid, right? Definitely not! He asked me which one I was. I told him that unless he knows who he is talking to, I wasn't going to continue with that conversation. I said bye and hung up.

He texted back immediately, 'Sorry, Brook. I'm about to enter the freeway. It's very noisy where I am, I couldn't hear you clearly. I don't want to lose you. You're such a beautiful woman. I'm flattered you even want to talk to talkl to me. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." Cute and all but at the risk of sounding like an obnoxious celebrity, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I never responded to his text. He was too all over the place for me, plus I had packing to do. He called back in about ten minutes. He seemed to have figured out who I was. He probably went back to his emails and put two and two together. Like 90% older man in Vegas, he is a war veteran. Not that old! Some of the are in their forties. The ones I've talked to are all unemployed and getting some kind of a check from the government that they are very proud of. While we were talking on the phone, I heard a familiar sound; it was the bus ticket machine, soon after that, I heard the voice thingy that tells you what the next stop is etc. I asked him where he was. He told me he had just gotten on the bus. What?!?!?!?!!? When he told me he was about to get on the freeway, I assumed he was driving. Didn't you?

I hate to say it, but when I heard that, I just rolled my eyes. That was one more nail on the coffin. That and the fact that at his age, he was neither working nor trying to find a job. What am I going to do with an unambitious man like that? He's not too old to work! He told me he was released from the army forever ago, because of some minor injury. As we were talking, he mentioned that he does work downtown Vegas as a volunteer peacemaker or something like that. The people love and respect him there. When he tells people to pick up trash after themselves, they do it! Whoop de fcking doo! That's how I wanna spend the rest of my life. Listening to him tell me how may people he forced to pick up their gum after they threw it on the sidewalk for no pay! I could care less! I don't want his money but I would like him to value his time more than working 40 hours for free. Doing the same thing other people do for money, but for no pay. That's just ridiculous to me. This reminds me of when I was getting kicked out of Cindy's house by her husband. When the Mormon Bishop told me that he could get me a full time job where I would work for a plate of food. God forgive me for what I just said to the Bishop in my head, Amen!

The older guy and I talked for about 30 minutes. Half of it was repeats because I think he is hard of hearing. Probably age because, quite honestly he lookes 15-20 years older than he said he was; or something happened during his army days, what with all the banging from the machines and bombs. What do I know, I'm just a girl from Africa. He mentioned that he was on his way to his sister's house to help her out because he loves to help people. Ok, whatever! nobody cared about that! I don't care how good a person you think or say you are. Prove it! Surprise me with your actions of kindness, don't preach it! So to keep the conversation going, I asked him how far his sister lived from him, if she had a family of her own. I mean, why would you have to go all the way to your sister's house by bus to help her around her house if she is married? I had to ask. He told me that that was personal, it was none of my business and that I had crossed the line. He got very worked up about that. I apologized, rolling my eyes. I mean, at this point, that's all I can do having dealt with all the kinds of loonies I have. We ended the call, and that was that.

I continued packing quickly. I had a show to go to that afternoon. The younger guy guy called. He told me he just wants one thing from me, and it will be a done deal. Like, I can move in with him and his mother. As if I said I needed a place to stay. He asked if I could..Oh Lord, my skin crawls just thinking about this. Yuucckkk! First, I asked him to please not ask me anything sexual. I'm not about that! he told me it wasn't sexual, it's just something that he likes. He really likes it. It's not a big deal, I probably, won't mind doing it. I tell ya, I had a weird feeling about this. I literally was panting up and down, freaking the freak out! He asked me if  I would mind spitting loogies on his face when we're together. Now, here's the thing; I had never heard of this term until then, but he used spit, so I knew it was something I wanted no part of! I never want to spit on anyone, don't wanna think about spit, talk about it, or even think about it. For those, who may never heard of this word before; I'll save you the time to google search and, share with you the 'top description' of the word from the internet (Yuck Alert!) ; TOP DEFINITION 
a large slimy glob of spit, mixed with nose snot, that is formed by coughing up and hocking whats in your throat. 

He went on to tell me that he wanted me to chew up some food and mix it with the grossness and spit it on his face. I was like, are you nuts? Noooooo! I will never do that to anyone! I told you not to talk about anything sexual, this, right here, is sexual! It's your fetish, that's sexual. WTF dude! He got really mad, he said that  I was judging him blah blah blah. I said, listen, dude, I don't know you, you don't know me. I am not here to tell you what to like and what not to like. Go ahead and like your gross stuff but I want no part of it. If this is what you're into, it's obviously a big deal to you and a deal breaker, which is fine by me. He told  me that his exes all did it, they didn't mind. It's not a big deal. I told him, it is. He had told me that he is 39 or so, had been married for 15 years since he was 25. He has a 25 year old from the marriage. Being the quick witted, smarty pants that I am, I added up the figures and had to ask how long he had been divorced for, you know, to see if it all adds up. so far, it wasn't because, it meant that he was 14 when his son was conceived or even 13. Which doesn't add up because he was 25 when he got married. Anyway, He told me he had been divorced for 2 years or whatever. My point is, this dude was all over the place. Clearly he was due for some loogie action. Overdue. He got mad and hung up. HE hung up on ME!

Then he texted me, and apologized, he told me this wasn't a deal breaker for him, I didn't have to comit just yet. If I can just tell him I will think about it. This guy is on some welfare situation, he sits on the couch all day and watches tv and plays video games. I told him it would never work out. Bye Felicia!

So that's how the cookie crumbled with those two guys, but I was still talking to others here and there. You know how internet dating is, well, or you don't, in which case, keep it that way! I got an email from a really cute guy. as the one and only, Elvis Presley sings,
'Well, Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawdy Miss Clawdy
Girl, you sure look good to me
But, please, don't excite me, baby...' Dude sure excited me! I was like, what have we here! Green eyes, you know, I like them blue, but I'll take beautiful eyes any color I can get them! He had long hair and amazing skin. I responded to his email not expecting anything in return. HE WROTE ME BACK! And again, and again and........



















Monday, January 5, 2015

Why Be So Nasty And So Rude

In the words of Kevin Hart in  Think Like a Man Too, "this is Vegas!"

I checked in at the hostel, I had already booked a bed for my first week in Vegas whereby I would be looking for a place to live. I would then take it from there. They have storage for giant luggage pieces in the office. I left my big pieces there and took my carry on with me, laptop, headphones etc. I was going to have 9 roommates after all. Never be caught unprepared! There were two people or so in the room when I got there. I said hi. One responded, one didn't. What are you gonna do? Maybe they have headphones on, maybe they are focused on something and didn't hear me, maybe they are deaf, maybe they don't understand English, maybe they don't feel like saying hi, maybe, maybe, maybe.

I picked a bed. Since boarding school, I have always liked the top bunk. The thought of someone stepping on my bed with their dirty feet, or better yet, shoes on my bedding, didn't sit well with me. I want to be the person who steps on people's bed. As the late Mahatma Gandhi said, Be the change you want to see in the world. So I be the change! No? That's not what he meant? My bad! Alas, all the top bunks were taken when I got there. It was May 31st, the very beginning of Summer. I expected the place to be busy. I was just happy they had a bed for me. I found a bed in the middle of the dorm with two beds on either side of me, so I had people from three top bunks step on my bed to get to the top. You know what they say about not focusing on what you don't want? Well... It was all good though. You can't have a stick up your ass when you travel a lot. You've got to be open minded and easy going. Especially if you stay in hostels. If you want to be high maintenance, book a private hotel room!

I freshened up in our only shower in the room. One shower and toilet for 10 people. Problem? No problem! We are backpackers, we'll make it work. We're grateful to have indoor plumbing. Most of people in hostels have been in the roughest places anyways. That's what I like about hosteling. Not a word, I know, well, I think. It's not highlighted though. I guess it is a word. Hosteling, mh, whoda thunk it? Now that is really not a word! At east, not officially.


I went for a walk and took pictures along The Strip. It was very, very hot. I didn't go too far. I went as far as the closest fast food restaurant, Burger King. I grabbed a burger and Ice cream. I am not a big fan of Ice cream. Maybe I no longer have the sweet tooth I used to have growing up. You will seldom see me buying candy, I am not those girls who can't go so many days without eating chocolate, and I don't drink Soda or coffee. Here and there, I drink, Green tea, Peppermint tea and or Chamomile tea. All herbal teas for the health benefits and I don't add sugar. Anyway, on my way back to the hostel, I thought to myself, I'm in Vegas! What am I going to do for the rest of the evening? I called The old man that I was supposed to meet up with on my birthday trip to Vegas in April. Remember him? Tortoise? The one who performed an entire blues song over the phone for me the first time we spoke on the phone? Well, there was no speaking, he performed the song and then hung up. He picked up. I was like,

Me:    hhhhiiiiiii!
Tort:  Yes!
Me:    How are you? Long Time!
Tort:  What do you want?
Me:    What the heck! What?
Tort:  You heard me! What do you want?
Me:    Uhm, you don't want me to call you? I thought I'd just call and say hi!
Tort:  Oh, hi.
Me:    Why be so nasty and so rude? Just Kidding, those are Nene's words. I                   should've said that though. Why are you so cold to me right now?
Tort:  Brook, you came to Vegas and left without seeing me!You didn't even call
          me while you were here.
Me:    I did call you. I called you the very first day I arrived in Vegas.
Tort:  And you never called me again.
Me:   Tortoise, you have my number and two phones; a house phone and a                     cellphone, you could've called me as well. You have my email address, you           could've emailed me. Why are you making it my responsibility to call?
Tort:  I was waiting for you to call me when you had a chance to meet up, Instead,           you left without meeting me
Me:    Well, I'm here now!
Tort:  Here where?
Me:    Here in Vegas?
Tort:  You're in Vegas? You're not in Vegas! You went back to LA last month!
Me:   So you're gonna tell me I'm not here even though, I myself am telling you that
          I'm here.
Tort:  What are you doing here?
Me:   Well, I am going to live here, I just moved here
Tort:  When:
Me:  Today. I arrived a few hours ago.
Tort:  Where are you going to stay?
Me:  I'm staying at the hostel on Las Vegas Boulevard.
Tort:  Which hotel, the strip is full of hotels?
Me:   Hostel not hotel.
Tort:  I can't believe this. That must be temporary, where are you going to stay                 after?
Me:   I am looking for a place, maybe a studio apartment or a furnished room.
Tort:  Well, you know, I don't have beds in my house. What's your budget?
Me:   No, no no no! I didn't call to ask for a place to stay, I will rent a place closer            to the strip. I'll be fine!
Tort:  You'd better be careful, it's dangerous here, do you have pepper spray?
Me:   No!
Tort:   A Gun?
Me:  Tortoise, please, I just arrived. I will be making this place my home for a
         while, please don't dampen my spirits now. It's too early for that!
Tort: It's the truth, you're gonna need such things here especially as a woman                alone.
Me:  Anyway, talk to you later.Thanks for taking my call(aintNobodygottimeforthat)
Tort:   Wait, what are you doing tonight?
Me:    Probably sleeping!
Tort:  Come here! I'll email you my address.
Me:   Uhm, no! You come here!
Tort:  Ok. I'll come get you!
Me:   Yeah, I'm not coming to your place though, so
Tort:  Let's go grab dinner or something. I'll buy you a burger
Me:   Heck no! No burgers!
Tort:  A pizza?
Me:   No, tortoise, if you want to take me out, take me to an actual restaurant,                  none of that fast food business. No dollar menu items. I can buy that myself
Tort:  (giggled) ok, I'll take you to a nice restaurant close to my house.
Me:   There are lots of restaurants on the Strip. We can go there.
Tort:  Why don't I come there, then we'll figure something out? Text me your                    address.
Me:  Ok, sure. Call me when you get here. Cheers!

I headed back to the room. Put on a dress and some sandals. I was still tired and it was too hot to dress up. I just wanted to look decent. He arrived in about 30 minutes. He called when he was at the parking lot. I grabbed my purse and headed out. I was happy to have something to do that night and to finally meet Tortoise after all the time we had been talking on line and over the phone. Before he hung up, he asked me again, how tall I was. I told him I am 6'4, which I obviously am not. That's 193cm or 1.9m. I did tell him eventually, how tall I am. He lied and told me he was shorter than he is. I guess his height is his thing. He couldn't wait to show it off. Forgetting the fact that he's a hundred years old. There should come a point in time where vanity subsides and you lead either with your charm or your pocket. Don't judge me, I'm just saying!

He got out of the car, he is tall, about 6'3. He had a pink button down shirt on, which he folded on the sleeves, a hat, long hair that's tied to a pony, knee long shorts and sneakers. It sounds kinda out there on paper, but he made it work. He looked ok. You could tell he was comfortable. It's his style, I guess because, that's how he was dressed in his online pictures. We hugged and I tried not to run for the hills. He is quite in shape but there's something about the face that, I don't know. He's not ugly, there's no such thing as ugly anyway. At least, in my opinion. He looked too old, I think... or something. We chatted in the parking lot for a second. He said let's get in the car and go eat. First, he commented on how short I am. I'm thinking to myself, Shut the f*ck up! You're old, what the heck! The nerve!

He was playing music in the car. You know me, I can be an old soul when it comes to music. I happened to know and like what he was playing. It was Bob Dylan. I commented on the music. He brought up the subject of me being his backup singer again. I was like, here we go! He told me that he is looking for an attractive lady to be his backup singer, and he thinks I fit the bill. Aw, so kind! We got on the freeway. I was like are we going to Salt Lake City? That's when I saw the sign. He was like no, do you wanna go there? I told him I have friends there, I wouldn't mind. He just laughed. Before I knew it we were pulling up in front of his house. He told me he needed to pick up something and asked if I wanted to get in. I told him that it was very nice of him to offer, but no thanks. I mean, WTF? Didn't I tell this man over and over again that I didn't want to go to his house? Who takes a girl to their house on the very first meeting? Never mind, rhetorical question.

He soon came out. We went to a casino not to far from his house, picked a restaurant and had dinner there. We were sitting, waiting for our food and just talking. He was checking out my energy, apparently, he has this talent to pick up on people's energies. He told me that when I first met him I was scared. Er, ya think? People are uneasy when they meet, this is not rocket science. He told me that I was easing up to him, but was still not there yet. Again, not rocket science! You must see what he does to pick up these vibes though. I had to put my hands facing up as if I am begging. he hovered his hangs over mine as if they have a magnet or something. He grew up in the sixties, he's a hippie. And it's ok. It was until, he tried to remove something on me with his own saliva. He literally spat on his finger and aimed. I was like, hold up! It's ok! I'm fine, thanks! Sht!

While we were still checking each other's energies and stuff, I happen to glance at the tv and who do I see sitting in the front row of Judge Judy's Courtroom? ME! I was like, oh my gosh, there I am! He went, I be damned! He saw me as well. He was so excited. I think he wanted to tell people in the restaurant that I was on tv. But he was able to contain himself. Imagine if he acted like he didn't hear me when I told him there I was lol. That would have made for an awkward moment. I've had that happen to me haha. I ordered Steak and Shrimp, Fries and Veggies, green beans or something green. I can't remember what he had. Food was ok.

After dinner, it was late already. We were there for quite a while. I had been talking to Tortoise for a while so we didn't run out of things to talk about. We had a nice, friendly gel going on. He took me straight home after dinner. He told me he had a good time and suggested we do it again. I was game. I was saying a silent prayer, please, Lord, don't let him try to kiss me. Please, Lord, don't let him try to kiss me, please Lord...