Sunday, December 13, 2015

Come Rain or Shine

To answer my own question , I thanked Clef for the night out. He told me that they have comedy shows a few times a night at that club and elsewhere on certain days, we could go again if I wanted. I knew I didn't want and I was going to go again, I just wished him good night and went to bed.

First thing the following morning, I went to the kitchen to make myself tea, Clef seemed to have a light bulb moment. He told me, 'I know what my new set is going to be about!' I was like, oh yeah? 'Yeah, yeah! I'm gonna tear up those horrible chicken strips from the comedy club' I can make an entire set out of those!' That left a very strange taste in my mouth, no pun intended! Considering how I tore them up the night before to him and he didn't even have one comment, meanwhile he knew he was going to make an entire set of the whole thing. I couldn't help but wonder if he was going to use some of the things I said. I am not trying to say I'm the last comic standing but you have to wonder.


Day two, Clef left before me to run errands. I had a show the afternoon. I got up, went to the kitchen to make breakfast. His bedding was on the couch. He didn't even fold them up. There's a door between the living room and the hallway to the spare closet that I let my guests use. I have a door to my bedroom, there's no need for one not to want to go through to the closet and stuff the blankets in there. They don't have to fold them up, just to leave them in the living room. Anyway, I left them going to go back to sleep later. I'd hope not, my mom taught us that if you sleep in the living room, be the first one to get up, so that people don't have to be awkwarded when they need to use the living room (sitting room/lounge). Anyway, I try to be open minded because not only was everyone not raised by my mother but I want my guests to be comfortable. I went to use the bathroom and there was pee all over the toilet seat. Not only did he not lift the sit up when he peed but he peed all over it. I'm not saying wipe your pee with tissue after you pee on the seat because then, I'm still sitting on pee but just don't know it. Just don't pee on the seat! Please and thank you! I thought to myself, this is the final straw! I can't deal with this kind of basic stuff that every human being should know. Especially by age 50. Dude was 48! That's 50 years old! Are you kidding me? Who have you been dating that let you get you get away with this sht?


I don't expect everyone to be perfect! I'm not either. It's just that there are basic things like make your bed and don't expect people to sit in your urine that I expect people to know and apply in their daily life. When it comes to men and the toilet seat, I don't even expect them to put it back down afterwards,in fact, if you leave it up, then, I know you had it up. If you leave it up, I leave it down, we're even. No complaints. I had to spring clean the bathroom before I used it, then left for the show. On my way there. I had ample time to think. That's when I made up my mind that it wasn't going to work out with that Clef and I. If that's how he acted in the first day to two, how was he going to be when he was comfortable and not trying anymore. Unless, he just wasn't trying to begin with!


I came back home from the show and noticed that Clef had been at the house. The bathroom was wet, the toilet seat was wet and sticky again and there was black curly hair all over the floor. I have curly hair too but mine is more blonde/brown. I wanted to die when I saw the toilet seat like that. I told myself that I would tell him that after the three days that he had paid for, I would need him to move out. I had to think of the best way to let him go that was not going to hurt his feelings. I could tell him that he lied in his email to me when he wanted to rent the space that he was neat, when in all actuality, he wasn't but that was just something that wasn't going to take us anywhere. Also, I didn't want to end things on a sour note. He seemed to like me, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I didn't want my feelings hurt either. I wasn't willing to clean his urine day in and day out. If I wanted to work with bodily fluids like that, I would go back to caregiving.


I opened up the main door and all windows to the apartment to let fresh air in because we both had been out. I was in my room, doing my thing on the computer when I saw Clef walking past my window. He was home! My heart started beating fast. How am I going to do this with his guy, what if he brought the money for the next two months? Oh Lord, help me!


Next thing, I know... "Hello! Hello! Heeellooo!" He was coming closer to my room as he was yelling hello. He stood by my door and gave me a lecture about how I should never leave the door wide open like that ever! He was like, 'you think just because this is Beverly Hills, there are no homeless people here? These people are dangerous, they will walk in quietly and rob you, clean!' Great! How am I going to kick him out now? This 'conversation' just changed everything! I was sitting there, looking him in the face, thinking, it really will never work out with this guy. He went on to tell me that as a black man, it was his duty to protect me. Blah blah blah blah!


I told him, I believed I was fine, not to worry about me worry about yourself, you're about to be homeless! He wouldn't even hear it! He told me he knew exactly what he was talking about. To trust him. I was thinking to myself that that's how we got there to begin with. I trusted that he would lift up the toilet seat and he didn't. Now what? He went on and on and on. I just wouldn't agree with him. He told me that if I want fresh air, to open the windows, not the door. I like to open the door for an hour or two, to get fresh air in, then close it because I spend most of my time in the bedroom anyways, where my office space is.


He wouldn't have it. I just wanted the conversation to come to an end. I would never kick him out if he was still talking. What? I'm supposed to be like, shut up, I want you out of my place?


That was day two, he had two more night at my place before the first three days expired. I thought that the sooner I kicked him out, the sooner he could find a place for himself to move to. He was going to pay a lot of my money for a couch in the living room anyway, how about use that money to rent a studio apartment in a more central area like Hollywood? Anyway! Eventually, he walked away, not before he did great impressions of drugged out homeless people walking into my apartment unawares. Very good impressions!


After that, he went back to the living room, was working on his cellphone. I was on the computer, I had a porn pop up that would not go away. Clef walked into my room as I was struggling to close the page. He didn't just stand outside this time, as Murphy would have it, he walked right into my bedroom. Which, I didn't think was cool because when I have someone staying in the living room, I try by all means not to be in and out in there. A bedroom is a totally different story. More private. Especially for people of different genders. As soon as Clef walked in, I just shut the computer lid. Clef as like, what's up girl? Don't worry, I have things on my phone that are for my eyes only. I won't judge you! I think he thought I was looking at porn at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Too busy for that sht! Plus I make porn, I don't watch it! Catch that!


Anyway, we talked about whatever he wanted to talk about. He saw a 1970's or 80's car that he wanted to buy that coming Friday. He wanted to know if there was parking for him in the neighborhood. He told me he really loved that neighborhood and was probably going to end up staying there for six month. 'I'm telling you, girl, you're gonna have a problem getting rid of me!' I thought to myself, 'ya think?'


Every time he would start a long conversation that would just not give me a chance to change the subject and kick him out. Plus, I was really dreading it. I went to sleep that night, he was out when I went to bed. He got home around midnight and stayed on the phone the hole night. I woke up and talked to my sister on the phone. I was like, I need to kick this selfish guy out. Who laughs on the phone on the top of their voices at 1am? I'm not talking about burstin gout laughing because someone said something unexpectedly funny, he was just talking loud and being rambunctious. My sister was like, omg, I can hear him from here haha. My sister is in South Africa, I'm in LA lol. She could hear him over the phone. When she told me to just be frank with him and tell him I'm not comfortable. I told her that I don't think he would get it because, he believes he is a great roommate, I would have to come up with something he would believe.


My sister came up with a brilliant idea that I could tell Clef that my boyfriend was coming over and I didn't want him (Clef) to be there for that. I liked the idea of the boyfriend, I had to work around it. I prepared a story to tell him and told myself that when I woke up that morning, I was going to have to have the talk with Clef come hell or high water. My mind was made up, he was going to have to leave no matter what, sorry Clef!  After the call to my sister, I overheard Clef, who wasn't trying to talk softly; apparently, a friend of his was wanted by police. Clef was advising them that the person shouldn't come out until they had raised the reward money. However, The person on the run, should stay at a loved one's place. When they think that the police cannot raise the money anymore, the loved one should call the police as an informant and get all the reward money. That is the money they will then use to raise the criminal's kids or whatever. I'm not gonna lie to you, I thought it was a smart idea but I was like who did I just welcome into my home? After that call, he talked to another New Yorker, telling him to save up to five grand and then move to LA just like he (Clef) did. He was telling the guy how he has found a nice place in LA and if they come here too, he would help them get settled just like him.  I felt bad that I was about to pull the rug from under his feet but it had to be done.


Around seven, that morning, I had gone bathe call with my sister. I was awoken by Clef, he was on the phone. He was talking to his friends in New York, again. I waited around two hours, until around 9:30am, then I went to the kitchen. As soon as I walked into the living room, I told Clef, I had bad news...