The End

My friend, who I had told about the ad I posted online and didn't get a response never got back to me. She and I used to talk about everyday or so. I wondered if she was on. She is homeless, lives in her car, (apparently) because she loves the beach and must go there everyday, so she parks her car by the beach front comes bedtime. Who am I to get between someone and the beach? A couple of weeks passed without a word from her, I would call and text, nothing! I got concerned. We don't really know anyone in common, the only way to hear about her was going to have to be from her. After two weeks, I was waiting to use the restroom at the Judge Judy courtroom. I was first in line, out comes this lady who looks like she just woke up from a coma. Her hair was a mess, he pants were halfway up. This woman wasn't ready to get out of the restroom! She walked right past me towards the sink to wash her hands. It was my friend! What in the world! I was like, Spice (we'll call her that. Why not, right?) OMG, hi, are you ok? She said, I'm fine! She kept it moving. I was gobsmacked. I felt like she looked. I think she messed her hair up intentionally to cover her face up cos you can see outside and vice versa  in those toilets. She must have seen. She probably saw me in the courtroom already because I sat in front, we do the whole Catholic church thing of Sitting down and standing up. I was utterly confused as to why my good friend was acting that way. I had no idea what was going on.

On my way back to the courtroom, I saw her fixing herself up and asked if everything was ok, I was worried about her, I had been trying to reach her for weeks. She told me that everything is fine, she was taking some time off from people. After the last text I sent her where I told her I posted an ad online looking for a man FOR HER she though I must have lost my mind. She thought I went Hollywood on her. I was like WHAAATTTTTTTTT? What are you talking about I posted an ad on your behalf? Why on earth would I do that when I am painfully single myself? She told me she didn't know but that's what I told her. After that I called to tell her about my roommate, she said she kept asking about the ad, and I kept ignoring the subject. Listen! I'm a nice enough person that I would try to hook a friend up but I didn't do what she said I did. Like all out conversations, she misunderstood the text. Who misunderstands a text? Like there's no accent in a text, if you don't understand it, you can ask someone else to read it and tell you what they think it means, and someone else and and and.

Who died and made you God, that you are going to break our friendship, that is based on me feeling sorry for your homeless ass, and listening to your long ass stories when we do meet up because you're a sixty year old woman who lives in her car because of her unrequited love for the beach, who has no one to talk to or at least to listen to you but me? Give me a mutha fcking break! This was a one sided friendship anyway but I was doing my part because I have a good heart (own horn tooted) and was doing my part for charity. Literally in this case. Don't come here and tell me you needed a break and you decided to take it. You don't qualify for a break? Please! Especially after misunderstanding my text. Friends don't do that. You're the one who's going all Hollywood on me! What the fck is this? Walking out of a bathroom a mess, trying to disguise to avoid me. Who does that? Most of all in their golden years? I was like, lady, you misunderstood my text, nobody is trying to hook you up! Any normal person would have either texted back or called for an explanation. But it's ok, you can have your break. I almost felt bad that I wasted so my time worrying about this person. I was shocked that SHE of all people thought she was in a position to 'take a break' from a friendship with ME or anyone else for that matter. Everyone feels sorry for her. Btch pls, to the back! Have a seat!

Second week of February, after Jon's sudden moving out and drama, I was busy chatting with everyone I had met through my gazillion ads, including Lenny. Lenny and I talked the most. More than once a day. He wanted me to spend Valentine's weekend with him. I told him I wasn't ready to spend the weekend with anyone I had never met. We could meet somewhere and take it slow like any other relationship. He told me I would have to make the drive to San Diego. He didn't even hint about helping me with gas or anything. Not that if I had a car, I wouldn't afford gas but the sense of entitlement was overwhelming! It was going to be a long as hell train ride to San Diego, somewhere around 5 hours in total. I told him that was just too long. He told me I could make it a one way trip and just move in. Perry and I were still talking. Remember him, the guy I kinda lived with for five minutes in San Diego? Lenny didn't seem to live far from Perry, for a second, I toyed with the idea of making a trip of it; going to see Lenny and then staying at Perry's. Perry and I were talking about meeting up. Not as a couple or anything. That ship has so sailed. Hell, it hasn't only sailed, it sailed and sunk. Never to be heard of again.


I just wanted to get away from the whole Jon drama, that's why I considered Lenny's ridiculous idea of me going all the way to SD to visit him. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to have a nice time and just forget about it all. I told him that I would do it. He was so happy, he told me that I wouldn't regret it blah blah blah.

One of the guys who responded to my ads was another San Diegan or should I say Man Diego, they say that's where all the single guys are at. We'll Call him Daniel. He sent me a nice and long email and a number of pictures. Nice picture, but they seemed like they were taken decades apart. Maybe it was something with the lighting? He never told me his age, he's single, never been married, Italian, no kids, he's lived in the US for more than two decades now but is originally from Italy. I love getting long emails, to me that shows a certain level of seriousness. I responded with a semi-long email and a number of pictures. For some reason my yahoo was nuts, the message with all those pictures went to some dude with a mustache and a potbelly standing next to a tractor. He was so happy, I hadn't even seen his first message, I just saw this uber enthusiastic response, I'm like WTF. Turns out that was the recipient of the pictures. I resent them to Daniel and didn't hear back from him. I was kinda bummed about that. I'd been looking forward to hear back to him.

My Georgian friend in Hollywood, texted me one night and told me that someone was looking for extras for a movie for the following morning. I emailed the guys my pictures etc, and booked the part. Yay! Good looking out, friend! The shoot was first thing in the morning. I had to be there by seven. I didn't know if Jon had made himself copies of my keys before he moved out. I couldn't trust that he wasn't going to come back for more stuff. I was still shaken by what had happened. I called James and asked if I could leave my stuff in his apartment. It was a very valid reason to get a chance to see James. We love James. He agreed. I woke him up so early the following morning, like around 5 and dropped my valuables there before heading for the bus stop. He's so sweet, he offered to drop me off. I couldn't accept that offer. I got there just in time, met some nice people. The film is based in biblical times, we had some interesting outfits on, everybody looked amazing. They have a black Jesus and a guy who looks just like the white Jesus is one of the disciples. That guy is hot.He took pictures with out. Turns out James had auditioned for that part and lost to that Jesus. When I saw that Jesus, I did think about James. James has that Jesus thing too lol. Anyway, it was a ten to twelve hour day, they fed us, we had lots of breaks, of course we weren't in all scenes, so lots of down time to chill with other extras. One of them friends with my Georgian friend, he was the one to tell her about the gig. Apparently Kelly Rowland and Chaka Khan are in that movie, they just weren't in the scenes we shot that day. Dang it, so close to meeting them!

At the end of the day, we changed and headed for the train. I walked there with Georgian's friend. He's from Ghana if I'm not mistaken. He didn't pay to get on the train, We got on the train nicely, next thing I know, I turn around, he's nowhere to be found, I look ahead of me, there's the train security checking tickets. AAAhhhhhh, that's why. But where is he? I didn't have his number, so I texted Georgian and asked her to check if he's fine. Apparently, he had gotten right back off as soon as he saw security, bought a ticket and boarded the next train.
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The night before my trip to San Diego, I got a call from Lenny. He wanted to apologise profusely for he wasn't going to be available that weekend after all. I was like, I BEG YOUR PARDON! This was your idea! You're not going to have a couple of hours to do lunch or dinner? He said, nope! I have a hearing next Thursday that I have to get ready for. He was telling me that on a Thursday. What, are you a prosecutor? Why do you need an entire week to prepare for a case? He told me it was a half a million worth law suit, blah blah blah. I guess he also wanted to emphasise that those are the amounts that he's dealing with. Who gives a hoot?


He went on and on about how sorry he was that he inconvenienced me blah. I was like, let's scratch this one off the list. I'm glad he didn't let me go all the way there only to stand me up. That would have been worse. The following day, Valentine's day, I got a call from Lenny, we talked a little bit, he just wanted to say good morning. He called again that afternoon, stayed on the phone for a while. I thought to myself, this guy sure has time for someone who has a case next Thursday. Before I knew it, guy was like, so, you wanna come over? I'm like, you mean to San Diego?
Lenny: Yeah, I've caught up on my case, I have the rest of the weekend clear
Me: So you want me to come to your house?
Lenny: Of course, where else do you want to go?
Me: To meet up in public as I have mentioned to you before
Lenny:  We can spend the whole weekend in bed making llluuuuurrrrrrvvvvvvveeee

The f*!k!

Me: So you don't have an hour to meet up in public but you have an entire weekend to spend in bed making love?
Lenny: It will be the first weekend of the rest of our lives.
Me: What I am not trying to do is to buy a train ticket, sit on the train for five to six hours taking myself to a man I never met for him to have his way with me -


He wouldn't even let me go on, he hung up. I got so pissed, I called him to give him a piece of my mind, he didn't pick up. He called me that evening and wanted to play nicey nice. I played along for a second and hung up on his ass.

THE END.

Oh Well!

When Rancho went away and gave me the silent treatment, I got the message. I posted a personal ad online. This time, I was more determined than before. I posted an ad in different counties; LA county, San Diego, Orange county etc, probably four or five in total. I remember I texted my friend, and told her what I had done, she didn't reply. I didn't have time to wonder why because emails were flooding in in response to my ads, I was too busy to care. The first day is the busiest then after that, it quietens down, in fact in a matter of hours, it slows down, and you're left with the few people who are more serious. 

A lot of the emails I got this time around were more promising than ever before. I was hopeful that I might just find someone through that process. There was a guy by the name of Josh. Josh was in his late twenties, he was tall - 6'2, and seemed like a nice and quiet guy. We emailed, texted, then talked over the phone. He told me he lives in a motel, he rents a one bedroom apartment type space from them and has two roommates who are a couple. They sleep in the bedroom while he sleeps in uhm, how do I put this in a believable manner? Ok, I'll just say it like it is.. Josh sleeps in a closet. Like, I am the type of person who is going to believe that the apartment is yours, your friends sleep in the main bedroom and you sleep in a small walk in closet full of clothes. Oh and he doesn't have a bed. Well, first of all, a bed wouldn't fit in there, so. Mind you this guy is 6'2 (1.88metres). I couldn't believe that that guy was living that way. I asked him to go on skype and actually show me his space. He took the laptop in there and I saw this small chair like thing that he had made himself and was using as a bed. I had expected to see something that looked like a bed at least. No, it was more like a chair, dude sleeps sitting down. Every single night, he sleeps like that. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for freedom of choice and all that. People should by all means do whatever helps them sleep at night. No pun intended, but this was pretty out there, wouldn't you say? One of the people who replied to my ad was Lenny. He is an older man who told me to move in with him immediately. I was like, slow down, tiger! He said, come on, you know what you want, I know what I want, what's the problem here? We talked back and forth for days. Conversations were nice, it was general stuff, you know when you're getting to know someone? Yeah, nothing out of the ordinary. Lenny said he at least wanted to see me. Apparently, he is an important person, because of his career. More important than, you know, average folks like you and I. He had that vibe about him. He's in real estate. Apparently he has been doing that for the past five years, before that he was whatever, can't remember. Something important. To him. 

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After my argument with Jon, I headed to work. I tried not to think about it. I did get a call from my friend. I told her what was going on but I don't think she got a word of what  I said. She was either not listening or having another conversation on the side with someone else. It's the story of my life; nobody either listens or understand what I say. I turned off my phone and headed to the studio. I didn't have time. I had someone new to get pissed about; the friend who zoned out what I was pouring my heart onto her. Sometimes that's what you need, someone to derail your anger.

I went straight home after the show. It was very late.  The following morning, I had a show in the morning. Don't get me wrong about these shows, I wasn't the star of the shows or anything. I was doing background work. I got up, got ready and headed out, leaving Jon asleep. Just before I left, something said I should check to see if my new laptop from the Queen Latifah show was still there. I had it in a pouch in a shelf right next to my bed. I planned to hide all my valuables when I got home. It was just a feeling I had. After the show, everyone was like why don't we go standby for another show? I am not a fan of standing by. For some reason, I hardly ever get in when I standby. On my way, my agent was like, hey Brook, do you wanna come along and see if they need you at the other show? I thought, why not? I'm getting  a free ride and maybe I will have a better chance of getting in seeing as I am with her.

I waited over there for about an hour before they told us they didn't need us. I headed home. When I got home, my apartment was clean, John had moved out. He left his key on the stand next to my bed, or in between our beds. First thing that came to mind was, MY NEW LAPTOP! The one I use was on the stand, I didn't have to worry about that. I looked where I keep the other laptop and it was gone! He stole it! I looked around the apartment like a fool in case he misplaced it. Like, why would he misplace something that he is not supposed to even use? It was shock! I was blown away that he left the way he did and stole from me. I also checked to see if there was anything else missing. By then, my heart was about to jump right out of my own chest. I could literally cough it out, I was so shocked. The silverware drawer was almost empty, all the spoons and teaspoons were gone and a few other not so valuable things. 

I ran downstairs to the office and told them what happened. There were two ladies in the office when I went to report, the manager and her assistant. The assistant continued to read a book, the manager looked at me, in a lights-on-nobody's-home kind of way. When I was done telling them what happened, crickets! Literally! They had nothing to say! How the fck do you not have anything to say when someone come to you for mercy at a time like that? I was shocked out of my mind, my eyes must have looked like they were about to pop out! Did they care? Meh!

One of them said, call the police! Then...crickets. I was like, (tail in between legs) thanks. Ok then and walked away. That made me wanna break down and cry more than what had just happened in my apartment. I went back to my apartment, got a call from Lenny. I told him what had just happened. He was like, well, call the police! In a more, what are you telling me this for? You want me to buy you a new laptop? B!tch I ain't even met you yet, call the cops, way! I called the police, they were there in no time. They took details, asked if I called Jon. As if this is the more normal thing ever, all I had to do was to call him and he would bring the stuff he stole back. In the words of my ex roommate, Laura (who spent all her time in the closet), ARE YOU JOKING ME! I called Jon, just so I could say, I did. He didn't pick up. The police told me not to worry, they would call him, threaten him and would get the laptop back to me. Piece of cake! I called Julie, she was so shocked and so pissed that that a** hole did that to me, she took his number and called him. That was nice of her. That's what you expect from a friend. To get as pissed as you are when sht like that happens, not someone who zones out. Jon never picked up when Julie called.

I had been expecting the last of my gifts from the Queen Latifah show from last year's Christmas show. this was February already. Lo and behold, I got a knock on the door. It was the delivery man. My parcel had arrived. It was a huge box with a whole lot of snacks, from boxes of chocolate, to popcorn (I know more popcorn), fruit, salmon (Random), Nuts, all kind of nuts, love me some nuts. All this on my most stressful day of the year thus far. What am I going to do about them other than lock myself up in my apartment and stuff my face silly? I couldn't tell you how any of them tasted, I was just chewing and swallowing, chewing and swallowing. Mind you, I had just started with the weight loss program? Oh well!

There is a God!

I was very hopeful after my nice date with Rancho. Looks like there might just be a God after all!

Rancho and I continued to stay in contact 24/7, text when he was at work then he wold call me on his way home and we would talk until it was time for him to go to bed. He asked to see me again. He wanted to take me to the movies. I was down! 

I must have seen James one more time after meeting Rancho. Whenever I see him, he tells me he wants to take me out for coffee or something or just a drive around Los Angeles, but that has yet to happen. It's always nice hanging out though. Who would say no to that beauty? Rancho seemed to have an issue with the fact that I had a male roommate. He told me any man would have a problem with that. Even though I told him the guy was gay, he told me that's just me saying that. I would have told him to come over and meet my roommate but, first Jon wasn't going to go for that, he, for some reason wasn't liking Rancho very much; secondly, I wasn't ready to have Rancho come over to my place. If I am telling you my roommate is gay, he's gay. Even if he were straight, that doesn't mean we are doing each other. Why would I put myself out there looking for a man if I had one at home. Jon is a good looking man, nice body, blue eyes, dark hair, just like I like em. He's 6' tall and he dresses well. If he were my man, there is no way, I would be looking for someone else. HE IS GAY therefore I am not his type. 

The following week, Rancho cancelled out date, he had to work, he was working twelve hour shifts, he sometimes drive around all over the place working on computers in their different branches. Between his work and his family, I tell ya, good luck in getting  a minute to meet up with him! One evening, he called as usual on his way home. We talked until he got home. He had just bought a new Blue Ray DVD of something or other. He told me he was about to watch it. He asked if I wanted to join him. I was like I don't know about being in an enclosed space with you like that! He promised it was just about the movie. I was like, sure, why not! I guess I will take my movie date anyway I can get it. 

He picked me up in Hollywood in his late wife's car. Nice SUV.Awkward as heck! I literally could feel his late wife's spirit in that car. He has a nice house too, double storey and all. We went upstairs to the guest bedroom where there are two twin size beds to lay down and watch the movie. I was like, why do we have to go to the bedroom? Apparently, that's where the tv is.  The sofas in the living room, downstairs were covered up in white sheets. I bet you it had been that way since the wife died. He presence was very much still in that house. He told me that he doesn't bring girls to the house. I was the first girl there since the wife. Whatever! That's still not gonna get you into my pants though, boo. It will take much more work than that!

We watched a little bit of the movie and may or may not have fooled around a bit. Nothing hectic happened though, trust me. I'm a nice person but not that nice! After the movie, he took me home. he didn't want to have to drive me to my place in traffic in the morning before driving himself to work in traffic. I got it. He sleep drove all the way to LA, it wasn't cute. I felt bad for him. Especially the fact that he still had to drive himself home asleep. 

He told me he was going to be fine once he got himself a soda. After dropping me off, he went and got himself a soda, then called me on the way home. We talked on the phone until he got home, to ensure he stayed awake. Bluetooth, don't worry, nobody was talking on the phone and driving. It was nice to spend some quality time with him and to see his cute house. I felt like him and I were headed in the right direction. We got along well.

His grandson was about to have a first birthday. He told me he was going to head out of state to celebrate. I hadn't seen him in more than a week, he had been working back to back. I asked him to see me before he left for Texas. He worked non stop until a few days before his trip. We were talking on the phone,  he told me that he had just got home and there was no power. Apparently, they left them notes that afternoon informing them that there would be a power outage than night until early the following morning. He told me that he wasn't a big fan of the dark so he was going to spend the night in a hotel. He asked if I wanted to join him. Ok, the story is a bit far fetched for my liking. You are going to be asleep, first thing the following morning, you will head for work, why do you care if the lights are out? You won't be home that long? Maybe I don't get the fear of the dark. Maybe it was a big deal that he was going to be alone in the house in the dark having lost his wife a year ago. Who knows, maybe she still visits him. What do I know?

I agreed to go to the hotel with him on condition, there was going to be no hanky panky. He agreed. I got him on tape. Haha, just kidding. My phone doesn't have that feature. haha. I took a change of clothes just in case I got booked for a gig the following day. We drove around Hollywood looking for accommodation. We found somewhere not to far from my place. We checked in, rushed to our room. Hung out, watched some telly, talked, made out and went to sleep. He told me that it was going to be the first time without lights without his wife. I felt bad for him. Not THAT bad though. If you know what I mean. Men will use any excuse to get in your pants. Sorry guys, You know I love you but I gotta tell it like it is. I am just not the girl who offers pity sex. Not my style. 

Rancho dropped me off the following morning, then he drove to work. Turned out his workplace isn't that far from where we were staying nor my place. I told him to rent out the house and be my roommate in my studio haha. That's totally feasible. Himself, the dog, the cat and I. Hashtag Perfect family.

He left for Texas a few days late and never called while he was there. He called as soon as he got back. In fact, he texted. Hey, I'm back, what are you up to. BTCh! What! Just kidding. I was like you know you could have kept in touch while you were away too. It's totally normal to do that. Don't act like you didn't leave someone like me behind, and then all of a sudden, hey, I'm back me! Stay in mutha fckn touch, ya hear me? lol I didn't put it that way though. We love Rancho, we don't talk to him that way.

February 2014

Jon, the roommate were still living together in holy matrimony. He paid his rent for February like on the fifth. Granted, he had moved in on January fifth. Even though he committed to taking the place way before that. I didn't ask for the rent. I waited until the fifth, lo and behold, he paid it then. 

One morning, on his way to the dumpster, Jon saw a vacant apartment. Much bigger than ours. He called and told me about it, saying we should move there. First of all, at that point, I was ready to give him notice, to have him out by the end of February. It wasn't working out between him and I. I wasn't trying to move with him to yet another apartment. My apartment was a tad bit smaller than the one he saw. All the apartments in the block were studios, they had Small, Medium (mine) and Large. I was lucky to have signed my lease a week before I moved in, I got to pay last year's rate. Rent went up the following week. Because I went out of my way to buy the bed, new linen and everything for my roommate, I charged him  $50 extra per month for all that. It's nothing compared to what I paid for the stuff but I gathered over time, I will get my money back. Jon didn't have a bed, he has a ton of pillows, maybe a blanket here and there but that's it. 

Before I returned his text about moving to the bigger apartment, he had already gone to the office to get some information about us moving there. They didn't know him, were not aware he was my roommate. I made no secret of it, I didn't didn't go out of my way to introduce him to the people in the office. I didn't see why I would have to. On my way out that afternoon, I got called into the office. They looked me dead in the eye and said, 'we know about the man!' What man? What's going on? 'The man that you have living with you upstairs? You know you have to pay extra for that!' I DO? NOBODY TOLD ME THAT WHEN I MOVED IN!?!?!?!? I specifically asked the manager what the deal was if I were to have someone move in with me, when I signed the lease. She told me, they would just have to sign on the lease, there is an extra part here for an extra person. They never told me I have to pay extra for that. What if I had moved in with my boyfriend, my husband, child, mother, whatever? What would the deal have been then? I didn't get it. I wasn't opposed to paying if I have to, I just wasn't crazy about the fact that they are going to tell me out of the blue like that. Most of all, they act like I was trying to hide Jon. Jon, who has his own keys, he walks in and out as he wishes, HE EVEN HAS A BICYCLE! He walks in, right past the office with his bicycle in hand, parks it in the back, and walks back to the stairs. What are they talking about, we know about the man? Btch pls! 

Jon called again about the move. I told him I was on my way out, we would have to talk about it later. I wish he hadn't been that forward to go to the office himself unless he wanted to move in there by himself. He has bad credit, nobody will rent to him, he will forever be someone's roommate until the day he dies. So why are you going to the office when you are not a tenant here? You are my tenant, I told you I would talk to the guys in the office when you told me this the first time. You couldn't wait? As If you have the credit to get approved for an apartment! Seriously, I was just not in the mood! 

That night, I told him that they want me to pay an extra $50 for double occupancy, therefore him and I were going to split it. Inasmuch as I didn't know about it when I had him move it, it never would have been a problem if he hadn't been forwards, so either you pay it yourself, or we split it up. He had been there for two months, so we had to pay $100. I told him I would pay for one of the two months. He was livid. He went on about how he knows that I am duping him. How much am I paying? Why is he paying more than me. BECAUSE BTCH, I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I WANTED FOR RENT, AND YOU AGREED. YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN IT OR LEFT IT. Nobody held a gun to your head. The fck? The btch in him came out, the guy went on and on and on and on. I was on my way out to another job. I told him, I was done with that conversation. Unlike him who had told me he had a job but is always in that dog on apartment, I actually had somewhere to be. He was like, BROOK! BROOK! BROOOOOKKKKKKKKK! I am still talking to you! Where are you going? Brooookkkkk. I told him  I wasn't going to stick around and be yelled at by him in my own apartment. Him and I could talk about that later on when he had calmed down. Or not at all, I could care less. I walked away furious. I was just so overwhelmed. He called me all kinds of names, telling me I am a crook, what was he expecting from someone from Nigeria. People did warn him about Nigerians...

From Hell to Heaven

James and I spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing at his place. Later on, I went home to my darling Jon. He was always at home. Clearly, he never saw the part on my ad for roommate that said please have a job or school and a life. We didn't have internet. I paid extra to use my phone as a hotspot. That was just for me though because it is not the fastest. I would let him log on if he had something important to do on the net. Far as I'm concerned, it's not important enough if you're not going to pay for your own internet to do it but ok, have your sense of entitlement!

He would wait for me to get home and as soon as I got home, he would log on or if I didn't enable the hotspot thingy on my phone, he would walk around with a long face and be like, CAN YOU PLLLEEEEEESSEEE DO THE INTERNET THINGY, i NEED TO GO ONLINE! It's like what the heck, dude, you just wanna sext random men on that gay hookup site, who cares? I thought you said you had a job, why are you always home? Dang! 

I didn't see or hear from James again for a while. He has a life. That's the guy who should have roomed with me. Ugh! 

As time went on, the loneliness crept in again. I subscribed on the dating site. I got an email from a guy who lives about an hour away from LA. He seemed legit, in his early to mid forties, widowed, looking for a long term relationship. We emailed back and forth for a bit then he asked for my number. 

I saw an ad online where they were looking for people to participate in some kind of a weight loss research. I applied. We were going to get paid for participating. Score! This came about not long after my new friend, the one we went to the Queen Latifah show with, when we won tons of gifts? She gave me weightloss pills, it really bothered her that 'I am so beautiful, but so fat'. So I went along and took the pills. They made me really energetic, My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my eyes, I think I was high or something. Maybe my pupils were dilated, who knows? I was bouncing off the walls, it was interesting.

I got accepted at the research thingy. Yay! They called me in for a physical check up and a ton of paperwork. I did all that, they weighed me and told me to get off the diet pills for two weeks and go back thereafter for another 'initial' weigh in. They told me that I would be disqualified if I gained more than 2lbs per week. That's less than 1kg! I knew I was going to watch what I eat and be careful in general, I wasn't going to let that opportunity pass me by. What I wasn't crazy about was that because that was research, they were going to put half the subjects on a placebo, half on the real weightloss pill and see who lost weight. I didn't wanna be on a placebo. I had real weight loss pills at home that were working just fine, dilated pupils at all. they got a pass cos they were going to pay me more than $3 000 after the six month period.

On my way home from the first appointment, I got a call from the guy I had been talking to online. We'll call him Rancho. He sounded better than he looked. I'm not saying he looked bad but he looked kinda nerdy, he sounded normal. We talked for an hour on the phone, it was nice. We seemed to have a few things in common. He told me he goes to Vegas quite often, I hadn't been to Vegas yet. He told me that he would take me. He also goes to San Francisco twice a year to shop. I was like oh no, that's in my list of to go places. He told me he would take me but first he needed to see if I liked him. I'm easy, I can like anyone, you should see the guys I've dated, sht, be nice to me, and I'm down. Be an asshole and I'm out, I won't even leave you a note goodbye. It's that simple.

We planned to meet the following day. He didn't care where we would go, I had to decide what we were going to do. I told him let's do lunch in Hollywood that way I wouldn't have to be in the car with him. I had learnt my lesson from being in a car with Persian Persuasion I still can't believe that man tried to rape me with his finger. You should have seen him trying to stick it in, trying to aim as much as possible. There I was ducking and diving and someone has a hang under my dress, trying to stick his finger in my private parts. Who does that? Rancho was ok with my idea. I told him we could go to the beach to chill after lunch. He was like, if the date goes well, I will take you to the beach, if not, I will take you home. Deal!  

I was excited to meet him. It's not everyday someone age appropriate wants to date me. We talked a little bit further and I was like screw it, let him pick me up, I'm not dressing up cute and taking the bus or worse, walking to the restaurant in the dusty streets of Hollywood. He came to pick me up that afternoon. I remember, I was on skype with my sister. I got ready while we were still chatting. He called to say he was going to be there in 40 mins, then he told me when he arrived. I was so nervous. I didn't know which wig to wear, if at all. Oh my goodness! My sister and I agreed on outfit. She logged off as I was about to walk out the apartment.

He told me he was driving a white car, he was out front. I rushed over there. No white car! He had driven around the block, there was no parking in front of our block, he told me to wait for him. I did, ever so nervous. He came around, man! I'm not materialistic but, NICE CAR! He looks so much cuter in person. I got even more nervous. I thought the guy was a geeky nerdy person who works on computers and x-boxes 24/7.  I got in the car. He wouldn't look me in the eye. I thought, great, he is not interested. Awesome, we're gonna have a short date, then he will dump me back here. Oh well, at least I tried. I was even thinking of being like, you know what? Er, I gotta go back. See ya later! Bye! I put my big girl panties on and rolled with it! He took me to Red lobster far away. I couldn't tell ya where that place is. 

He seemed nervous too as we went along, the drive to the restaurant was about 30  minutes. I ordered a mixed platter with shrimp, calamari and some veggies. Everything was deep fried, including the veggies. Have you ever seen broccoli drenched in oil? Well... He ordered steamed shrimp and I can't remember what else. He offered me some of his food. That was nice cos mine was inedible. We talked about general stuff. Very platonic. Nothing date like. I could tell he wasn't into me like that. He was just trying to kill time. 

He was married for 13 years or so. His wife died last year. They never had kids, he has a daughter with an ex girlfriend. Daughter has her own family now, she lives in a different state. Rancho's mom doesn't live that far from him. He had an IT job offer in Japan but forwent it to be close to his elderly mom. He is very close to his family. He also has a sister. Older. He was going to go for dinner with his mom that very evening. After lunch, I used the restroom and got ready for the long drive home. We walked to the car. He opened the door for me, we had what could be mistaken for a moment there for a second but we had spent enough time together that I could tell, we were not that couple. As we were driving off the parking lot, he asked me which beach I wanted to go to. I couldn't believe it! OMG! He likes me! He really, really likes me! (in that Sally Field voice). 

I didn't care which beach we went to, I was happy to have been wrong about him and I. I knew he was interested when he put his hand on my knee on our way to the beach. We arrived at seal beach. He didn't want me to walk on the sand and bring it into his car cos he had washed it that morning. I was like why did you bring me here then? smdh. We sat in the car and watched the sun set and talked. It was nice. After that, he was like, ok, come on, let's go. We went for a short walk towards the beach and watched more sunset. It got dark quickly. Not creepy dark, it was just after sunset after all. He came closer, gave me a nice hug and may or may not have rest his head on my chest. It was a nice moment though, not creepy. Trust me, I know creepy, I've been through creepy, I recognise her when I see her. 

We walked back to the car. We talked for a second, he hugged me and stole a kiss. Nothing more than a peck on the lips aka baby kiss. It was all a welcome surprise as I didn't think any of that was going to be happening that evening. It was a nice change to the last date I had been on where I left flying barefoot smdh. 

Rancho dropped me off, he was rushing to meet up with his mother at 8pm. He called me on his way home. We talked until he got home. His mom was too tired from church, she cancelled. We talked on the phone the entire night until we went to bed around 2 the following morning. 

Date Rape?

So after Russian Roulette Challenged me to go on 100 dates, I went back on the internet and registered with all the dating sites I know of and posted an ad. I got a ton of responses from middle aged men. One of them was a Persian man who  now lives in Southern California. He seemed like the real deal. We exchanged email addresses within house and in no time, exchanged phone numbers. I, of course, googled his ass and found that he is a Dentist from Iran, he was divorced blah blah blah. I got his address and everything. I didn't tell him I had done that because I do that for myself to verify if someone if who they say they are.

We met that very evening. Daddy was moving fast! I like it! That evening, I got ready, he picked me up in a limo. I didn't see that one coming. I mean, it's a Limo, even Stevie Wonder would've seen it coming, but you know what I mean. He looked nice, nice, expensive fitted suit. It looked so good on him, like it was custom made. He shook my hand and opened the back door for me. THAT was something I had never experienced before. I have dated Spotty, who had a limo but not once did he let me sit in the back seat. Anyway, he asked me where I wanted to go to eat. I was like, let's have seafood. We had already talked about that. apparently he lived in Hollywood before, so he was quite familiar with the area. He took me to West Hollywood, everywhere was packed.

He asked if  I like Pizza. I toldhim I don't mind it, but am not particularly crazy about it. He told me he was going to suggest we go to his house, he would make me one from scratch. I was like no, no houses. I don't go to your house and you don't come to mine. Not on the first meeting. He said, ok, the offer is open, whenever you want me to cook for you, you're welcome at my house. I thought that was nice.

 We went to Westwood. He took me to an Iranian restaurant. I ordered Rice with salmon. It came in a huge ass platter, five generous pieces of Fish, and some veggies. He had eggplant/aubergine/brinjal lol  I just love how this veggie has three different names. I think Brinjal is only South African though. I could be wrong. anyway. I had one piece of salmon and drank water. I wasn't at all that hungry. He told me I could take the rest home. He asked them for a takeout container, dished the rice onto, then the fish, asked for butter in Iranian. They brought it for him, he opened up the small tubs, buttered the fish. that was random, what if i didn't want butter on the fish? I decided to be easy going and not question him about that. He got the tab, then we left. He put the food in the front seat with him. I sat at the back. It was a cold January night. southern Californian cold. He asked if I wanted ice cream from a Persian place across the street. I was down!

We walked over there, he got me a sandwich type ice cream. Passion fruit / granadilla. He wasn't going to have any. He asked if I wanted to sit in the car or in the ice cream place. It was cold! I was like sure let's sit in the car. I thought it would also be a nice chance for us to talk, we had hardly talked the entire time. I was the one asking the questions. We walked to the car, he opened the back door for me. I got in, he got into the driver's side, drove of. I was like, WAIT A MINUTE!  Where are we going? He told me, to his place. He wanted me to be comfortable. I was like but we talked about this, we are not going to your place. He told me that we were not going to be long, he just wanted me not to spill Ice cream in his car. the car was moving. His house is like two streets away from the restaurants and a block away from UCLA. He has a daughter who goes to UCLA. I saw that when doing my research.

We arrived at the place. We got to the apartment. He told me his daughter went to a friend's birthday party. It's a small, two bedroom apartment. As soon as we got there, he cut the ice cream sandwich in half, and served it to me with a fork and a very sharp looking knife. Not before we took off our shoes though. I guess it's one of those houses. He sat next to me and reached for a hug. There was no reason to hug at all. We hadn't talked much, we didn't know that much about each other, we didn't have any particular connection, it was all too random, but what was I to do? I hugged him back and went back to my ice cream. I couldn't tell you what the ice cream tasted like. Soon after the hug, he asked me when I am going to give him a massage. He had told me before while we were still out that he likes massages, this is after I told him what I used to do in south Africa for a living. He showed me a place he goes to for massages with happy endings. He asked if I give happy endings. That was the only time he actually seemed to talk freely. When we were talking about happy endings. I told him I didn't go to school for massage to give happy endings. That's a different kind of massage field. He was like come on, that's the only reason people go for massages. Happy endings.

When he asked him for a massage, I told him, it's only our first date, I am not touching him and don't expect him to touch me. He reached behind me and unhooked my bra in a split second. I was shocked. I was like WTF? Before I could finish saying that, his fingers were squeezing my nipples.  I guess he was trying to turn me on quickly before I had time to feel violated. I gain WHAT THE F*CK? I pushed his hands off me, he quickly snuck his hands under my dress all the way up to the back of my bra to 'hook it back up'. he told me, 'you have to pay!' I was like, for what? In retrospect, I think he wanted me to pay for the piece of salmon I ate from the dinner he later put in a doggy bag and took home to eat later. By the way, the leftover dinner, he bagged for me to take home earlier? He put it in his fridge when we got to the apartment.

That man was all over me! I kept looking at that very sharp knife at the coffee table in front of me, trying to figure out how to save myself using it. Everything was moving really fast. I jumped up, headed for the bathroom, locked myself in there, took a deep breath looked myself in the eye in the mirror, you know wondering if that was really happening. I fixed myself up then ran past him, grabbed my shoes and was like, I'm out mutha f*cker! He came after me, told me to wait for him, he would take me home. I waited for him outside the apartment. It was late, cold, dark, I had never been in that neighborhood before, that was the least of my worries though because I have gps. I am always going to places I had never been before. He came out, we walked to the car. This time, he didn't open the door for me. I didn't give a fck.

He drove like a maniac. The strangest thing happened on that ride home. I couldn't keep my eyes open. Who dozes off with a monster in a car? I swear that guy must have sprinkled something in that Ice cream sandwich that was meant to work while I was still at his place but I left too soon. he dropped me off a block away from my place. I didn't care, I was glad to be the hell out of there and away from him. He didn't utter a word in the care on the ride home. Neither did I. Well, I was busy trying to stay awake

James Bond

When we got home, James invited me over to his for a night cap. Soon as we got to his, he was like omg, it's so stuffy in here, he opened up windows, turned on the fan, sprayed air freshener, took out the garbage. It was cute to see him act so nervous.  That is so something I would do. We hung out for an hour or two on his bed then I went home.

He told me to pop in anytime to say hi or for a visit. I hope he knew he was opening up a can of worms by doing so! I ran upstairs to mine. My roomie was asleep. He goes to bed around 8pm, wakes up around 1am, heads out and will be back around 4am sometimes. It's a very interesting schedule. Especially because we were sharing a studio.He would come home, open up windows, turn on ceiling fan, all the lights and maybe open the door as well, just for the hell of it. I would wake up with my nostrils completely dry. You know, I don't want to complain to him and be that person but why can't he be that person and not do all this in the middle of the night? I get walking into a stuffy room and wanting to open up the windows, from my experience using mini buses in South Africa, I know that after a minute, you will have adjusted and get mad at the person who gets on and opens up the window. But I was open to him opening the window only for a few minutes. He wouldn't do that. He would go straight to bed, with the hope that he would get up and shut everything again but then, he was so tired, he would just go to sleep. Now without taking a shower though. That guy would take 3 showers per day. Pretty impressive.

Jon was a hairstylist, self employed. He seemed to do all his work at night though. He told me that usually after cutting someone's hair, he would join them in the shower and they would have 'fun'. I am assuming his clients were mainly gay. Not that I care. Interestingly enough, he would go home afterwards and take another shower. I wasn't paying for water or lights, so it didn't affect my finances in any way. I just found it interesting that someone who wouldn't clean up after himself or brush the toilet after doing a number two or even flush sometimes, would shower so many times a day as if he's a neat freak.

In the time I roomed with Jon, I ate TV Dinners, you know the boxed, precooked dinners and lunches? 3 minutes in the microwave and you're done! Maybe  I should go back to that! Life was much simpler then :)

Jon is vegetarian, very health conscious, very West Hollywood. He loves tea though, he lives on it. It was cute how he always made tea in a teapot on the stove. Very unusual for someone like me who neither drinks tea nor coffee. Nor Alcohol for that matter. I should be a mormon!

One afternoon, I got a call from James, he was just saying hi. He was on his way home. He asked if I wanted to hang out. I mean! Is that a rhetorical question? Of course I wanna hang out! We love James!

This wasn't long after I got my huge can of Caramel and Cheese Popcorn shipped to my place by the Queen Latifah Show. I tell ya the gifts were never ending. I was always receiving something in the mail. I bet ya the office must have been wondering about me. I offered Jon some popcorn, he would have some all hours of day and night. I tell ya, dude would wake up in the middle of the night, smoke weed, get himself hungry from that and munch on my special, expensive popcorn. I ain't kidding, the can was worth $80 (that R800 for popcorn). Even if it was cheap, know your boundaries, if someone offers you something, don't have half. This is not an in community of property type of rooming arrangement. GTFOH! I gave some to my friend, Julie and took some with me to James' when he invited me over.

He was so grateful. He kept saying, 'aw, you're so sweet.' I was thinking, so whatchu gonna do about it? ;)

He had been trying to buy some furniture online for his new apartment. Apparently he heard back from this couple of ladies in Studio City. He had to go pick it up. He asked if I wanted to go along. I was in my pyjamas. It didn't matter because he was driving. I went along with him. I love going on drives, it's always been my thing. One of the things I miss about having a car, gassing it up and hitting the open road. This was in the evening, no traffic. Yay!

When we got there, the ladies asked if we were a couple. My heart beat really fast when they did. James and I smiled, looked at each other and went 'no!' in unison. The girls helped us load the table and chairs on the truck. We drove back to hollywood. When we were in the car, James was like, can you believe they just asked if we are a couple? I was like uhm, hehehe. I didn't know what to do with that question, then I rambled about a time where I was with this guy who liked me on Hollywood and Vine. I wanted to take a picture on the walk of fame, he offered to take it for me but then someone offered to take a picture of both of us and I was like, nah, thanks we're good! I went on to tell him another story about a man who complimented that same guy and I about how cute a couple we looked (we didn't) and told the guy he has good taste. Guy didn't correct the man, he just thanked him for the compliment. This man is engaged, he lives with his woman.I don't know why he is collecting compliments about him and I. Anyway, we lost the moment due to my ramblings. I was nervous! What was I to say?

When we got back home, I helped him carry the stuff to his place. James was like, oh no you don't have to. I'm like, come on! How you gon carry all this stuff by yourself and still be able to hold the door open? #Superman When we got home, he set everything up, cleaned it and was like, we need to test drive this! I'm making dinner. I was like, ok, but I'm leaving, so bye! Enjoy dinner. He kept telling me to stay,so I did

James Made dinner, He had left over brown rice, he made a toasted chicken sandwich, some salad and the rice and he gave me some gluten free, everything free, vegan fruit juice from Whole Foods. It was great. He is such a gracious host! He kept getting up to get stuff to make me feel comfortable. I was like, sit down and eat, your food is gonna get cold! He's adorable. And hot.

After dinner, I tried to leave. He told me to stay a little longer. We talked about everything under the sun, relationships, Hollywood, you name it. He sat on the bed, I was at the table. He told me to sit on the bed with him. It's comfier, so I did.