Downtown San Diego

Perry, decided it would be a brilliant idea for me to go downtown, to one of the places he had promised to take me, by myself, using public transportation. The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. I wasn’t in the mood to go sight seeing. I was running out of time, sight seeing was the last thing on my mind. Especially because it was his idea. “Come on! You’re in Southern California, enjoy it! Sunny San Diego, blah blah blah” Gosh, why don’t you shoot me in the head instead?

He told me I had ten minutes to get ready, he was going to drop me off. Fck! Why does he care what I do with myself, he dumped me. Ugh! I got ready, he said it was pretty straight forward, he was going to take me to the door of the train and it was suppose to be easy from there on. He brought the small dog along. His favourite. He was so happy for me, Perry, not the dog haha. Awww, Brook is going out, she is going to make new friends, she’s gonna have so much fun, woooowwwwww, Brook! You’re such a socialite. WTFFFFFFF! Shut the fck up! Grrrrrrrr.

The train stop was at the Chargers Stadium. I had never been there before. On our way there, we drove past people walking towards the same direction. Which is not abnormal in any roads, right? He went, All these people are going there, but Brook is so special, she is being driven, whoa, look at you. Ugh, I don’t know how many times I must have thrown up in my mouth on that trip alone. We got into the stadium, he found a random spot, dropped me off there and told me I’m a smart girl, to figure it out from there. Great! Just Awe fcking some!

I had a great mind to just sit there, chat with my sister on Whatsapp, until she went to bed (time difference was 10 hours, between us, South Africa ahead), then call him and tell him I was ready to go back. Just for the fun of it. But I didn’t want to make matters worse. I could tell dude was trying to get rid of me. I guess he needed space. What do I know! I walked up a few flights of stairs trying to find the tracks. As I saw which way to go, I missed one by seconds. I got so frustrated. They had the schedule on a glass thingy right there. When I checked it out, I realised I had just missed the last train. Awesome! What am I gonna do now? Now that I have a valid reason to go back home?

It was midday, he asked if he should dish up dinner for me that night. He felt he had to ask because he knew I was going to have so much fun, I probably would go back home very late. I was thinking to myself, what kind of a psycho am I dealing with here? It’s midday, what the heck will I be doing downtown that will keep me there for more than 12 hours. I mean really now!

I wandered about the trax until someone else arrived, I asked them about the schedule, turned out that was not the last one, the schedule wasn’t complete. Whew! I got on the train to nowhere. I didn’t really know which stop I was going to get off or anything. I was just going because I was being coerced to. I got off near the bay. Beautiful! But I wasn’t in the mood for any of that. San Diego is a beautiful city with nice weather all year round.

I walked up and down, deep in thought, hoping I was dreaming, ready to wake up and enjoy the reality that was my life. Sad part was, the reality of my life was a nightmare. I kept walking, I wasn’t even in the mood to take pictures. I was just fumbling about. I went to an Indian Buffet place and had me some Indian food. Favorite cuisine! Quite honestly, I wasn’t hungry. But I was killing time. I had to do something! I then walked a bit more until it started getting dark. That’s when I headed back for the bus. On my way back, I bought Perry some dinner; fish and chips (fries), which he gobbled down in seconds.

Crossroads

December 2012

Wow, that was hectic! What the heck was I going to do with myself? Whew! He had to submit the booklet thirty days from that day. He subsequently gave me 30 days notice to move out. I had to figure something out. FAST! I had already started looking for a job when he broke up with me the first time. I wasn’t going to fool myself into thinking he was just under a lot of stress, there’s no way he meant that, NO. That’s not how I operate, you dump me, that means it’s over. Someone breaks up with you, be broken up with! It was his loss anyway, right? ;)

I had thirty days to figure out the next step. I had been looking for a job. There are jobs but the first question they ask you is if you have a car, and if you don’t, forget it! There I was stuck in a house with a man whom I hardly knew, who no longer wanted me. Awkward. After crying it out and calling my Jamaican friend in New Jersey and my sisters back in South Africa, I had to think of an exit strategy. I had gone back on the dating site the moment he broke up with me the first time. I’d paid for membership before I met him, and wasn’t about to let it go to waste especially seeing as he had dumped me like a hot potato. 

I wasn’t sure what would happen if I were to really start dating. Was the guy  going to have to pick me up from Perry’s? I didn’t want to disrespect him in his own house, plus, it still was the only home I had at the time. Tricky! What if someone wants to know about my living arrangement. I do’t want to be those girls, you know with baggage? Ugh, what if? What if? What if? And I didn’t want someone feeling like they had to save me and have me move from one man’s house to the next. That would’ve been an adventure on it’s own, but I wasn’t sure if that’s what I wanted to do.

Mh, what to do?

I kept applying, registering with employment agencies, NOTHING! Perry was civil with me, a bit sarcastic at times but I could dish it right back. I didn’t even care anymore, what was he gonna do? Break up with me and kick me out?

"You can't be here!, I can't have you here!"

After week one in San Diego, Perry, still busy with the divorce proceedings, got a letter from his lawyers. They wanted a lot more money than he had anticipated. He showed me the email, talked to his brother on the phone and I could tell he was really stressed out. The mood changed around the house.

Perry went out for work, he brought back lunch dinner with him, burgers and fries. While sitting in the living room, having dinner, he told me, he wanted to remain friends. He didn’t think he was ready for a relationship. Blah blah blah.

Me:        Wait a minute, are you breaking up with me?

Him:       You’re making it seem as if we’re in a relationship or something, we’re just friends and I would like things to remain that way!

Me:        Well if you want to remain the way things are, why did you feel the need to tell me that?

Him:       I’m just telling you that I am not in the right frame of mind right now, there’s a lot going on in my life right now, my ex-wife, the lawyers, there’s just too much going on, I can’t deal with all that and a relationship right now. You can stay here as long as you want or until I sell the house, I just can’t be in a relationship right now.

He says right now a lot when he’s worked up

Me: Oh My Gosh

I got up, walked away. I went straight into the bedroom and talked to my people. It was back to the drawing board for me.

Him: Brook! Brook! Golly, don’t walk away, oh God...! Why are you getting so upset, it’s not like we’ve been dating for years, we just met and it’s not working out. It’s not a big deal, I’m sure you’ll find someone else!

I felt like I got hit by a train. Here I was in this man’s house, he just made me uproot my entire life from coast to coast for him, a week later, he’s gonna tell me it’s over! What is happening? Was I dreaming? This is the same man who told me I had to see if I liked him otherwise his mind was made up. I talked to my sisters, we talk all the time as you may well know.

The next morning, I stayed in my bedroom and just did my thing, I didn’t feel like socialising.

I later bumped into Perry in the kitchen. He was like, hheeyyy Brook! I brought you lunch! I politely declined. “What are you going to eat then? You have to eat! I don’t feel like cooking today, please take this!” Suurrreee whatever! I took it! He tried to be nice for the rest of the day and the next day, and the next. No apology but he was playing nicey nice! I was confused. I didn’t want to be that annoying person who says, “we need to talk” but I needed some enlightenment. I had no clue what was happening.

The following week, he got another email from the lawyer. HE was expecting to be billed about $400 but they billed him more than $2 000. That flipped him out! He was going nuts. I tell you if anything could get  that man worked up, it’s those lawyers! Not the ex-wife, the lawyers. His lawyers! I always wondered what man hires a female lawyer when he is going through a divorce from a woman. Isn’t that like the unwritten rule? Like when you’ve been abused by a man, as a woman, you know you have to hire a female lawyer. I was walking on egg shells that day again around him. It was very awkward and tense. They had also sent him a thick booklet to fill out. One of the questions was if he lived with someone in the house and whether they pay rent. He told me that the ex’s lawyers new about his new car. He said the only way they could have found out was from the neighbour who used to be friends with her. That night, around dinner, he said, “...I’M TELLING YOU, YOU CAN’T BE HERE! I CAN’T HAVE YOU HERE...”

Our first Thanksgiving together

While in Jew Jersey, Perry told me that for Thanksgiving, they normally have dinner at his sister's. He told me he and the sister don't get along, apparently nobody gets along with her. I don't know why they all go to someone's house whom they all don't like. Typical Thanksgiving behavior, right?

He wanted me to go along, I told her, I wasn't sure I'd be comfortable seeing as I would have been in San Diego only for two weeks. He then said he would buy turkey and we'd have our own Thanksgiving at home.  That was sweet but I didn't want to be the reason he was going to break family tradition. He insisted. 

He promised that after the divorce, when he got his settlement, he is going to buy himself a truck and I could have the car he is currently driving. He bought that car after the ex took both the cars they had when she left. Talk about taking someone to the cleaners! I wasn't crazy about that car, it's too big, too long both back and front. Maybe we could sell it and buy me a smaller car. preferably a convertible or SUV. Just saying!

Day before Thanksgiving, he told me he would have to give his mom a ride to the sister's. he has 8 siblings, I asked if nobody else could. He told me, he made a deal with his mom WHEN SHE GAVE HIM HER CAR that he would drive her wherever she needed to go. Gave you her car? Interesting, I know that's not what you told me, but ok. He told me he would drop her off, come hang out with me and then go pick her up. I was like, nah dude, don't do that, that's weird. Plus he was going to tell them he had to be somewhere with his business partner. If you were ok with me spending Thanksgiving with your family, why can't you tell them you are with me at home?

I also noticed how he made sure the blinds were closed whenever I turned the lights on at night, or how he got all nervous when I was roaming in the backyard and one of the neighbours was outside, or when we were either going to or coming out of the car, he'd be like, hurry up. You knew it was a slip of the tongue or he'd be like leave the grocery bags, get inside, I will bring them in myself, kinda like he didn't want anybody to see me. He wanted me there without me actually being there, make sense?

We went shopping for Thanksgiving after he decided we were going to have out own celebration at the house after their family's. He told me they usually are done around 6pm, so we could still have dinner at the house afterwards. He bought turkey for us. I was excited. My first Thanksgiving in America! With my future husband, what could be better, right?

Thanksgiving morning, he worked, then had lunch, then left for dinner which was supposed to start around 3 pm. He had lunch around 1 pm, which I thought was interesting, but what do I know about Thanksgiving dinners? I'm just a girl from Africa. He went to pick up his mom from the old age home, then off to his sister's they went.

I must say, I did enjoy being home alone for a change. I hung out on the comfy sofa in the living room and watched some stuff on the PC. I was expecting him around 7 latest. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten, nothing! No call, no nothing! He came home after ten pm so  stuffed he couldn't even breathe. He brought 'me' some dinner along. Pumpkin pie which I never had before, turkey, prepared all kinds of ways, lots of food in ziploc bags. It was too late for me to eat, I told him I'd have it the following day. He put it in the fridge. 

He couldn't even sit down, he was so full. All he kept saying was, I'm so stuffed! I'm so stuffed Whew! Uh, I can't breathe. I shouldn't have eaten so much. Gluttony is a sin. I was sitting there thinking to myself, 'Is this happening? Am I dreaming? WTF'

I went to bed and heard him throwing up in the bathroom. Nice!

I got up, all freaked out, went back to the living room, got on the phone with my sister and talked. I had to! I needed to. I was totally weirded out by this bulimic, middle aged man.

I must have been on the phone until early hours of the following day. It was already midnight when I got on the phone, so. So much for my first romantic Thanksgiving.

The next morning, he had the entire pumpkin pie before I even woke up. I'm talking about the entire thing, not a slice. You know the size of a milk tart? Yeah that. So I never got to even taste it, he had the rest of the food the following day or so. 

Poor little spoilt me

November 2012

Hello Kitty Sleepers and Hello Kity Chocolate

Besides spring cleaning, I watched lots of The Real Housewives of New York. This was while Perry was work and I was home alone. I had the laptop on while cleaning too at times just to distract me. Every now and then, Perry would watch an episode or two with me. Fun Times! I did watch his fave shows with him too; the Big Bang Theory, Friends (yeah the one and only), Sports (this was a bit of a challenge, but I tried)

I’d also tag along when he goes to the building department, interesting name for a department. He goes there so often he knows people, so we didn’t have to wait long. Thank goodness! The first time we went there, he took me out to lunch by the bay. Very sunny day! Totally the opposite of New Jersey, all snowy, cold and grey. We took a few pictures and enjoyed sea food on the balcony of a restaurant on the beach. Too cool!

The Restaurant, amazing, right?

Mixed sea food, yumness!

Back home, more work for him, more chill time for me. It was strange not having to check on Avon every now and again but I wasn’t complaining. I got to bond with the dogs and we were one big, happy family. It was really refreshing for me, because I grew up really afraid of dogs, once I got bitten by one at 8 years old or so, I really didn’t like them!

My perception of dogs changed since I’ve been in The US. That doesn’t mean I am going to let my guard down when I go back home, to Uitenhage. Those dogs were trained differently than the ones here. That’s a whole another political issue we won’t dwell on.

Poor picture, but that's the sweat set (track suit)

Perry took me shopping for winter stuff, Boots, Hello Kitty Sleepers, and a Sweat Set (track suit). My clothes hadn’t arrived on the mail yet. That was nice of him. I could wait a few more days, but he insisted.  What girl doesn’t want to get spoilt?

He baked cake quite often, as you may already know, here's my favorite; 

Red Velvet Before...

...and After. Paper Plates are a thing here when you don't feel like doing the dishes

Sunny San Diego!

The biggest bunch of Roses I ever got!

My first day on vacation! Perry had told me I could take all the time I needed chilling, and go back to work whenever I wanted or to school, or just be a house uhm person? Not wife yet! Or I could help him with his business. He could use someone who is computer savvy. His house is nice, 3 bedrooms, a living room, dining room, game room, kitchen, laundry, office and a huge Swimming pool at the back. There’s a canyon right at the back yard which makes for a beautiful view. 

Back Yard

I was up the usual time, after 5am! Only difference is, it was 2am in San Diego. By the time, it hit 7, when Perry finally woke up, I’d been up for hours chatting up a storm with my people back in South Africa. I didn’t do much that day. Perry had a few projects he was working on. He was busy all day. He bought lunch and brought it home. I chilled at home all day. I was tired, from having worked non-stop for months. It was weird not being at work. The whole thing was weird. It was like  I went to bed in one state and woke up in another. BAM! Just like that!

I was ordered to just chill, be it in bed or on the couch, but Perry was going to wait on me. He told me it was time somebody waited on Brook. Which was a very nice and thoughtful thing to say and do. He’s a great cook and makes a mean barbecue.

Barbecued (Braai'd) Pork, yams and mixed veggies

I spent the following days spring cleaning the house. There can be a difference between a house cleaned by a man and by a woman. I had to do it for my own peace of mind too. There was a lot of cleaning to be done! It kept me busy though. The only thing I couldn’t do was wash the dogs. I m not a big dog person. Still acclimatising myself in that area. It was nice to not have to worry about the dating site for a change. Or about job hunting or any of that stress.

Cute Fridge but it took me forever to clean

 Every now and then, I went along with him to the Building department when he was doing his architecture stuff. It was different. San Diego is so peaceful and sunny! The ex wife took both cars when she left him. He had to get a new car and had his truck (bakkie). He told me that when the divorce is finalised, he will give me the car he is currently using and buy himself a new truck, he’ll sell the house and split up the profit with ex-wife, build a new house and resell it, and buy or rent a another house for us to live in. I am going to decorate the new house whichever way I like as long as I will not paint the entire house Pink like his mom did. Fun!

So, we’re going to get married the day the divorce is finalised, I will get a new car, a new house to decorate, new husband, two dogs, I GOT IT MADE!

The View 

The few things I was excited to do in San Diego were going to the world famous San Diego Zoo, Apple farm where they make everything apple, Apple Crumble pie, Apple Juice, Apple Sauce, Apple whatever, Apple everything, you name it, they make it! I thought that was interesting. The house has a fireplace, so I was looking forward to winter nights, even though it doesn’t get that cold in Southern California, I was just excited about the smell of wood that Perry was going to fetch all the way up the mountain for us. Fun! Fun! Fun!

One of His Breakfasts