The End

My friend, who I had told about the ad I posted online and didn't get a response never got back to me. She and I used to talk about everyday or so. I wondered if she was on. She is homeless, lives in her car, (apparently) because she loves the beach and must go there everyday, so she parks her car by the beach front comes bedtime. Who am I to get between someone and the beach? A couple of weeks passed without a word from her, I would call and text, nothing! I got concerned. We don't really know anyone in common, the only way to hear about her was going to have to be from her. After two weeks, I was waiting to use the restroom at the Judge Judy courtroom. I was first in line, out comes this lady who looks like she just woke up from a coma. Her hair was a mess, he pants were halfway up. This woman wasn't ready to get out of the restroom! She walked right past me towards the sink to wash her hands. It was my friend! What in the world! I was like, Spice (we'll call her that. Why not, right?) OMG, hi, are you ok? She said, I'm fine! She kept it moving. I was gobsmacked. I felt like she looked. I think she messed her hair up intentionally to cover her face up cos you can see outside and vice versa  in those toilets. She must have seen. She probably saw me in the courtroom already because I sat in front, we do the whole Catholic church thing of Sitting down and standing up. I was utterly confused as to why my good friend was acting that way. I had no idea what was going on.

On my way back to the courtroom, I saw her fixing herself up and asked if everything was ok, I was worried about her, I had been trying to reach her for weeks. She told me that everything is fine, she was taking some time off from people. After the last text I sent her where I told her I posted an ad online looking for a man FOR HER she though I must have lost my mind. She thought I went Hollywood on her. I was like WHAAATTTTTTTTT? What are you talking about I posted an ad on your behalf? Why on earth would I do that when I am painfully single myself? She told me she didn't know but that's what I told her. After that I called to tell her about my roommate, she said she kept asking about the ad, and I kept ignoring the subject. Listen! I'm a nice enough person that I would try to hook a friend up but I didn't do what she said I did. Like all out conversations, she misunderstood the text. Who misunderstands a text? Like there's no accent in a text, if you don't understand it, you can ask someone else to read it and tell you what they think it means, and someone else and and and.

Who died and made you God, that you are going to break our friendship, that is based on me feeling sorry for your homeless ass, and listening to your long ass stories when we do meet up because you're a sixty year old woman who lives in her car because of her unrequited love for the beach, who has no one to talk to or at least to listen to you but me? Give me a mutha fcking break! This was a one sided friendship anyway but I was doing my part because I have a good heart (own horn tooted) and was doing my part for charity. Literally in this case. Don't come here and tell me you needed a break and you decided to take it. You don't qualify for a break? Please! Especially after misunderstanding my text. Friends don't do that. You're the one who's going all Hollywood on me! What the fck is this? Walking out of a bathroom a mess, trying to disguise to avoid me. Who does that? Most of all in their golden years? I was like, lady, you misunderstood my text, nobody is trying to hook you up! Any normal person would have either texted back or called for an explanation. But it's ok, you can have your break. I almost felt bad that I wasted so my time worrying about this person. I was shocked that SHE of all people thought she was in a position to 'take a break' from a friendship with ME or anyone else for that matter. Everyone feels sorry for her. Btch pls, to the back! Have a seat!

Second week of February, after Jon's sudden moving out and drama, I was busy chatting with everyone I had met through my gazillion ads, including Lenny. Lenny and I talked the most. More than once a day. He wanted me to spend Valentine's weekend with him. I told him I wasn't ready to spend the weekend with anyone I had never met. We could meet somewhere and take it slow like any other relationship. He told me I would have to make the drive to San Diego. He didn't even hint about helping me with gas or anything. Not that if I had a car, I wouldn't afford gas but the sense of entitlement was overwhelming! It was going to be a long as hell train ride to San Diego, somewhere around 5 hours in total. I told him that was just too long. He told me I could make it a one way trip and just move in. Perry and I were still talking. Remember him, the guy I kinda lived with for five minutes in San Diego? Lenny didn't seem to live far from Perry, for a second, I toyed with the idea of making a trip of it; going to see Lenny and then staying at Perry's. Perry and I were talking about meeting up. Not as a couple or anything. That ship has so sailed. Hell, it hasn't only sailed, it sailed and sunk. Never to be heard of again.


I just wanted to get away from the whole Jon drama, that's why I considered Lenny's ridiculous idea of me going all the way to SD to visit him. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to have a nice time and just forget about it all. I told him that I would do it. He was so happy, he told me that I wouldn't regret it blah blah blah.

One of the guys who responded to my ads was another San Diegan or should I say Man Diego, they say that's where all the single guys are at. We'll Call him Daniel. He sent me a nice and long email and a number of pictures. Nice picture, but they seemed like they were taken decades apart. Maybe it was something with the lighting? He never told me his age, he's single, never been married, Italian, no kids, he's lived in the US for more than two decades now but is originally from Italy. I love getting long emails, to me that shows a certain level of seriousness. I responded with a semi-long email and a number of pictures. For some reason my yahoo was nuts, the message with all those pictures went to some dude with a mustache and a potbelly standing next to a tractor. He was so happy, I hadn't even seen his first message, I just saw this uber enthusiastic response, I'm like WTF. Turns out that was the recipient of the pictures. I resent them to Daniel and didn't hear back from him. I was kinda bummed about that. I'd been looking forward to hear back to him.

My Georgian friend in Hollywood, texted me one night and told me that someone was looking for extras for a movie for the following morning. I emailed the guys my pictures etc, and booked the part. Yay! Good looking out, friend! The shoot was first thing in the morning. I had to be there by seven. I didn't know if Jon had made himself copies of my keys before he moved out. I couldn't trust that he wasn't going to come back for more stuff. I was still shaken by what had happened. I called James and asked if I could leave my stuff in his apartment. It was a very valid reason to get a chance to see James. We love James. He agreed. I woke him up so early the following morning, like around 5 and dropped my valuables there before heading for the bus stop. He's so sweet, he offered to drop me off. I couldn't accept that offer. I got there just in time, met some nice people. The film is based in biblical times, we had some interesting outfits on, everybody looked amazing. They have a black Jesus and a guy who looks just like the white Jesus is one of the disciples. That guy is hot.He took pictures with out. Turns out James had auditioned for that part and lost to that Jesus. When I saw that Jesus, I did think about James. James has that Jesus thing too lol. Anyway, it was a ten to twelve hour day, they fed us, we had lots of breaks, of course we weren't in all scenes, so lots of down time to chill with other extras. One of them friends with my Georgian friend, he was the one to tell her about the gig. Apparently Kelly Rowland and Chaka Khan are in that movie, they just weren't in the scenes we shot that day. Dang it, so close to meeting them!

At the end of the day, we changed and headed for the train. I walked there with Georgian's friend. He's from Ghana if I'm not mistaken. He didn't pay to get on the train, We got on the train nicely, next thing I know, I turn around, he's nowhere to be found, I look ahead of me, there's the train security checking tickets. AAAhhhhhh, that's why. But where is he? I didn't have his number, so I texted Georgian and asked her to check if he's fine. Apparently, he had gotten right back off as soon as he saw security, bought a ticket and boarded the next train.
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The night before my trip to San Diego, I got a call from Lenny. He wanted to apologise profusely for he wasn't going to be available that weekend after all. I was like, I BEG YOUR PARDON! This was your idea! You're not going to have a couple of hours to do lunch or dinner? He said, nope! I have a hearing next Thursday that I have to get ready for. He was telling me that on a Thursday. What, are you a prosecutor? Why do you need an entire week to prepare for a case? He told me it was a half a million worth law suit, blah blah blah. I guess he also wanted to emphasise that those are the amounts that he's dealing with. Who gives a hoot?


He went on and on about how sorry he was that he inconvenienced me blah. I was like, let's scratch this one off the list. I'm glad he didn't let me go all the way there only to stand me up. That would have been worse. The following day, Valentine's day, I got a call from Lenny, we talked a little bit, he just wanted to say good morning. He called again that afternoon, stayed on the phone for a while. I thought to myself, this guy sure has time for someone who has a case next Thursday. Before I knew it, guy was like, so, you wanna come over? I'm like, you mean to San Diego?
Lenny: Yeah, I've caught up on my case, I have the rest of the weekend clear
Me: So you want me to come to your house?
Lenny: Of course, where else do you want to go?
Me: To meet up in public as I have mentioned to you before
Lenny:  We can spend the whole weekend in bed making llluuuuurrrrrrvvvvvvveeee

The f*!k!

Me: So you don't have an hour to meet up in public but you have an entire weekend to spend in bed making love?
Lenny: It will be the first weekend of the rest of our lives.
Me: What I am not trying to do is to buy a train ticket, sit on the train for five to six hours taking myself to a man I never met for him to have his way with me -


He wouldn't even let me go on, he hung up. I got so pissed, I called him to give him a piece of my mind, he didn't pick up. He called me that evening and wanted to play nicey nice. I played along for a second and hung up on his ass.

THE END.

Oh Well!

When Rancho went away and gave me the silent treatment, I got the message. I posted a personal ad online. This time, I was more determined than before. I posted an ad in different counties; LA county, San Diego, Orange county etc, probably four or five in total. I remember I texted my friend, and told her what I had done, she didn't reply. I didn't have time to wonder why because emails were flooding in in response to my ads, I was too busy to care. The first day is the busiest then after that, it quietens down, in fact in a matter of hours, it slows down, and you're left with the few people who are more serious. 

A lot of the emails I got this time around were more promising than ever before. I was hopeful that I might just find someone through that process. There was a guy by the name of Josh. Josh was in his late twenties, he was tall - 6'2, and seemed like a nice and quiet guy. We emailed, texted, then talked over the phone. He told me he lives in a motel, he rents a one bedroom apartment type space from them and has two roommates who are a couple. They sleep in the bedroom while he sleeps in uhm, how do I put this in a believable manner? Ok, I'll just say it like it is.. Josh sleeps in a closet. Like, I am the type of person who is going to believe that the apartment is yours, your friends sleep in the main bedroom and you sleep in a small walk in closet full of clothes. Oh and he doesn't have a bed. Well, first of all, a bed wouldn't fit in there, so. Mind you this guy is 6'2 (1.88metres). I couldn't believe that that guy was living that way. I asked him to go on skype and actually show me his space. He took the laptop in there and I saw this small chair like thing that he had made himself and was using as a bed. I had expected to see something that looked like a bed at least. No, it was more like a chair, dude sleeps sitting down. Every single night, he sleeps like that. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for freedom of choice and all that. People should by all means do whatever helps them sleep at night. No pun intended, but this was pretty out there, wouldn't you say? One of the people who replied to my ad was Lenny. He is an older man who told me to move in with him immediately. I was like, slow down, tiger! He said, come on, you know what you want, I know what I want, what's the problem here? We talked back and forth for days. Conversations were nice, it was general stuff, you know when you're getting to know someone? Yeah, nothing out of the ordinary. Lenny said he at least wanted to see me. Apparently, he is an important person, because of his career. More important than, you know, average folks like you and I. He had that vibe about him. He's in real estate. Apparently he has been doing that for the past five years, before that he was whatever, can't remember. Something important. To him. 

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After my argument with Jon, I headed to work. I tried not to think about it. I did get a call from my friend. I told her what was going on but I don't think she got a word of what  I said. She was either not listening or having another conversation on the side with someone else. It's the story of my life; nobody either listens or understand what I say. I turned off my phone and headed to the studio. I didn't have time. I had someone new to get pissed about; the friend who zoned out what I was pouring my heart onto her. Sometimes that's what you need, someone to derail your anger.

I went straight home after the show. It was very late.  The following morning, I had a show in the morning. Don't get me wrong about these shows, I wasn't the star of the shows or anything. I was doing background work. I got up, got ready and headed out, leaving Jon asleep. Just before I left, something said I should check to see if my new laptop from the Queen Latifah show was still there. I had it in a pouch in a shelf right next to my bed. I planned to hide all my valuables when I got home. It was just a feeling I had. After the show, everyone was like why don't we go standby for another show? I am not a fan of standing by. For some reason, I hardly ever get in when I standby. On my way, my agent was like, hey Brook, do you wanna come along and see if they need you at the other show? I thought, why not? I'm getting  a free ride and maybe I will have a better chance of getting in seeing as I am with her.

I waited over there for about an hour before they told us they didn't need us. I headed home. When I got home, my apartment was clean, John had moved out. He left his key on the stand next to my bed, or in between our beds. First thing that came to mind was, MY NEW LAPTOP! The one I use was on the stand, I didn't have to worry about that. I looked where I keep the other laptop and it was gone! He stole it! I looked around the apartment like a fool in case he misplaced it. Like, why would he misplace something that he is not supposed to even use? It was shock! I was blown away that he left the way he did and stole from me. I also checked to see if there was anything else missing. By then, my heart was about to jump right out of my own chest. I could literally cough it out, I was so shocked. The silverware drawer was almost empty, all the spoons and teaspoons were gone and a few other not so valuable things. 

I ran downstairs to the office and told them what happened. There were two ladies in the office when I went to report, the manager and her assistant. The assistant continued to read a book, the manager looked at me, in a lights-on-nobody's-home kind of way. When I was done telling them what happened, crickets! Literally! They had nothing to say! How the fck do you not have anything to say when someone come to you for mercy at a time like that? I was shocked out of my mind, my eyes must have looked like they were about to pop out! Did they care? Meh!

One of them said, call the police! Then...crickets. I was like, (tail in between legs) thanks. Ok then and walked away. That made me wanna break down and cry more than what had just happened in my apartment. I went back to my apartment, got a call from Lenny. I told him what had just happened. He was like, well, call the police! In a more, what are you telling me this for? You want me to buy you a new laptop? B!tch I ain't even met you yet, call the cops, way! I called the police, they were there in no time. They took details, asked if I called Jon. As if this is the more normal thing ever, all I had to do was to call him and he would bring the stuff he stole back. In the words of my ex roommate, Laura (who spent all her time in the closet), ARE YOU JOKING ME! I called Jon, just so I could say, I did. He didn't pick up. The police told me not to worry, they would call him, threaten him and would get the laptop back to me. Piece of cake! I called Julie, she was so shocked and so pissed that that a** hole did that to me, she took his number and called him. That was nice of her. That's what you expect from a friend. To get as pissed as you are when sht like that happens, not someone who zones out. Jon never picked up when Julie called.

I had been expecting the last of my gifts from the Queen Latifah show from last year's Christmas show. this was February already. Lo and behold, I got a knock on the door. It was the delivery man. My parcel had arrived. It was a huge box with a whole lot of snacks, from boxes of chocolate, to popcorn (I know more popcorn), fruit, salmon (Random), Nuts, all kind of nuts, love me some nuts. All this on my most stressful day of the year thus far. What am I going to do about them other than lock myself up in my apartment and stuff my face silly? I couldn't tell you how any of them tasted, I was just chewing and swallowing, chewing and swallowing. Mind you, I had just started with the weight loss program? Oh well!

There is a God!

I was very hopeful after my nice date with Rancho. Looks like there might just be a God after all!

Rancho and I continued to stay in contact 24/7, text when he was at work then he wold call me on his way home and we would talk until it was time for him to go to bed. He asked to see me again. He wanted to take me to the movies. I was down! 

I must have seen James one more time after meeting Rancho. Whenever I see him, he tells me he wants to take me out for coffee or something or just a drive around Los Angeles, but that has yet to happen. It's always nice hanging out though. Who would say no to that beauty? Rancho seemed to have an issue with the fact that I had a male roommate. He told me any man would have a problem with that. Even though I told him the guy was gay, he told me that's just me saying that. I would have told him to come over and meet my roommate but, first Jon wasn't going to go for that, he, for some reason wasn't liking Rancho very much; secondly, I wasn't ready to have Rancho come over to my place. If I am telling you my roommate is gay, he's gay. Even if he were straight, that doesn't mean we are doing each other. Why would I put myself out there looking for a man if I had one at home. Jon is a good looking man, nice body, blue eyes, dark hair, just like I like em. He's 6' tall and he dresses well. If he were my man, there is no way, I would be looking for someone else. HE IS GAY therefore I am not his type. 

The following week, Rancho cancelled out date, he had to work, he was working twelve hour shifts, he sometimes drive around all over the place working on computers in their different branches. Between his work and his family, I tell ya, good luck in getting  a minute to meet up with him! One evening, he called as usual on his way home. We talked until he got home. He had just bought a new Blue Ray DVD of something or other. He told me he was about to watch it. He asked if I wanted to join him. I was like I don't know about being in an enclosed space with you like that! He promised it was just about the movie. I was like, sure, why not! I guess I will take my movie date anyway I can get it. 

He picked me up in Hollywood in his late wife's car. Nice SUV.Awkward as heck! I literally could feel his late wife's spirit in that car. He has a nice house too, double storey and all. We went upstairs to the guest bedroom where there are two twin size beds to lay down and watch the movie. I was like, why do we have to go to the bedroom? Apparently, that's where the tv is.  The sofas in the living room, downstairs were covered up in white sheets. I bet you it had been that way since the wife died. He presence was very much still in that house. He told me that he doesn't bring girls to the house. I was the first girl there since the wife. Whatever! That's still not gonna get you into my pants though, boo. It will take much more work than that!

We watched a little bit of the movie and may or may not have fooled around a bit. Nothing hectic happened though, trust me. I'm a nice person but not that nice! After the movie, he took me home. he didn't want to have to drive me to my place in traffic in the morning before driving himself to work in traffic. I got it. He sleep drove all the way to LA, it wasn't cute. I felt bad for him. Especially the fact that he still had to drive himself home asleep. 

He told me he was going to be fine once he got himself a soda. After dropping me off, he went and got himself a soda, then called me on the way home. We talked on the phone until he got home, to ensure he stayed awake. Bluetooth, don't worry, nobody was talking on the phone and driving. It was nice to spend some quality time with him and to see his cute house. I felt like him and I were headed in the right direction. We got along well.

His grandson was about to have a first birthday. He told me he was going to head out of state to celebrate. I hadn't seen him in more than a week, he had been working back to back. I asked him to see me before he left for Texas. He worked non stop until a few days before his trip. We were talking on the phone,  he told me that he had just got home and there was no power. Apparently, they left them notes that afternoon informing them that there would be a power outage than night until early the following morning. He told me that he wasn't a big fan of the dark so he was going to spend the night in a hotel. He asked if I wanted to join him. Ok, the story is a bit far fetched for my liking. You are going to be asleep, first thing the following morning, you will head for work, why do you care if the lights are out? You won't be home that long? Maybe I don't get the fear of the dark. Maybe it was a big deal that he was going to be alone in the house in the dark having lost his wife a year ago. Who knows, maybe she still visits him. What do I know?

I agreed to go to the hotel with him on condition, there was going to be no hanky panky. He agreed. I got him on tape. Haha, just kidding. My phone doesn't have that feature. haha. I took a change of clothes just in case I got booked for a gig the following day. We drove around Hollywood looking for accommodation. We found somewhere not to far from my place. We checked in, rushed to our room. Hung out, watched some telly, talked, made out and went to sleep. He told me that it was going to be the first time without lights without his wife. I felt bad for him. Not THAT bad though. If you know what I mean. Men will use any excuse to get in your pants. Sorry guys, You know I love you but I gotta tell it like it is. I am just not the girl who offers pity sex. Not my style. 

Rancho dropped me off the following morning, then he drove to work. Turned out his workplace isn't that far from where we were staying nor my place. I told him to rent out the house and be my roommate in my studio haha. That's totally feasible. Himself, the dog, the cat and I. Hashtag Perfect family.

He left for Texas a few days late and never called while he was there. He called as soon as he got back. In fact, he texted. Hey, I'm back, what are you up to. BTCh! What! Just kidding. I was like you know you could have kept in touch while you were away too. It's totally normal to do that. Don't act like you didn't leave someone like me behind, and then all of a sudden, hey, I'm back me! Stay in mutha fckn touch, ya hear me? lol I didn't put it that way though. We love Rancho, we don't talk to him that way.

February 2014

Jon, the roommate were still living together in holy matrimony. He paid his rent for February like on the fifth. Granted, he had moved in on January fifth. Even though he committed to taking the place way before that. I didn't ask for the rent. I waited until the fifth, lo and behold, he paid it then. 

One morning, on his way to the dumpster, Jon saw a vacant apartment. Much bigger than ours. He called and told me about it, saying we should move there. First of all, at that point, I was ready to give him notice, to have him out by the end of February. It wasn't working out between him and I. I wasn't trying to move with him to yet another apartment. My apartment was a tad bit smaller than the one he saw. All the apartments in the block were studios, they had Small, Medium (mine) and Large. I was lucky to have signed my lease a week before I moved in, I got to pay last year's rate. Rent went up the following week. Because I went out of my way to buy the bed, new linen and everything for my roommate, I charged him  $50 extra per month for all that. It's nothing compared to what I paid for the stuff but I gathered over time, I will get my money back. Jon didn't have a bed, he has a ton of pillows, maybe a blanket here and there but that's it. 

Before I returned his text about moving to the bigger apartment, he had already gone to the office to get some information about us moving there. They didn't know him, were not aware he was my roommate. I made no secret of it, I didn't didn't go out of my way to introduce him to the people in the office. I didn't see why I would have to. On my way out that afternoon, I got called into the office. They looked me dead in the eye and said, 'we know about the man!' What man? What's going on? 'The man that you have living with you upstairs? You know you have to pay extra for that!' I DO? NOBODY TOLD ME THAT WHEN I MOVED IN!?!?!?!? I specifically asked the manager what the deal was if I were to have someone move in with me, when I signed the lease. She told me, they would just have to sign on the lease, there is an extra part here for an extra person. They never told me I have to pay extra for that. What if I had moved in with my boyfriend, my husband, child, mother, whatever? What would the deal have been then? I didn't get it. I wasn't opposed to paying if I have to, I just wasn't crazy about the fact that they are going to tell me out of the blue like that. Most of all, they act like I was trying to hide Jon. Jon, who has his own keys, he walks in and out as he wishes, HE EVEN HAS A BICYCLE! He walks in, right past the office with his bicycle in hand, parks it in the back, and walks back to the stairs. What are they talking about, we know about the man? Btch pls! 

Jon called again about the move. I told him I was on my way out, we would have to talk about it later. I wish he hadn't been that forward to go to the office himself unless he wanted to move in there by himself. He has bad credit, nobody will rent to him, he will forever be someone's roommate until the day he dies. So why are you going to the office when you are not a tenant here? You are my tenant, I told you I would talk to the guys in the office when you told me this the first time. You couldn't wait? As If you have the credit to get approved for an apartment! Seriously, I was just not in the mood! 

That night, I told him that they want me to pay an extra $50 for double occupancy, therefore him and I were going to split it. Inasmuch as I didn't know about it when I had him move it, it never would have been a problem if he hadn't been forwards, so either you pay it yourself, or we split it up. He had been there for two months, so we had to pay $100. I told him I would pay for one of the two months. He was livid. He went on about how he knows that I am duping him. How much am I paying? Why is he paying more than me. BECAUSE BTCH, I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I WANTED FOR RENT, AND YOU AGREED. YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN IT OR LEFT IT. Nobody held a gun to your head. The fck? The btch in him came out, the guy went on and on and on and on. I was on my way out to another job. I told him, I was done with that conversation. Unlike him who had told me he had a job but is always in that dog on apartment, I actually had somewhere to be. He was like, BROOK! BROOK! BROOOOOKKKKKKKKK! I am still talking to you! Where are you going? Brooookkkkk. I told him  I wasn't going to stick around and be yelled at by him in my own apartment. Him and I could talk about that later on when he had calmed down. Or not at all, I could care less. I walked away furious. I was just so overwhelmed. He called me all kinds of names, telling me I am a crook, what was he expecting from someone from Nigeria. People did warn him about Nigerians...

From Hell to Heaven

James and I spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing at his place. Later on, I went home to my darling Jon. He was always at home. Clearly, he never saw the part on my ad for roommate that said please have a job or school and a life. We didn't have internet. I paid extra to use my phone as a hotspot. That was just for me though because it is not the fastest. I would let him log on if he had something important to do on the net. Far as I'm concerned, it's not important enough if you're not going to pay for your own internet to do it but ok, have your sense of entitlement!

He would wait for me to get home and as soon as I got home, he would log on or if I didn't enable the hotspot thingy on my phone, he would walk around with a long face and be like, CAN YOU PLLLEEEEEESSEEE DO THE INTERNET THINGY, i NEED TO GO ONLINE! It's like what the heck, dude, you just wanna sext random men on that gay hookup site, who cares? I thought you said you had a job, why are you always home? Dang! 

I didn't see or hear from James again for a while. He has a life. That's the guy who should have roomed with me. Ugh! 

As time went on, the loneliness crept in again. I subscribed on the dating site. I got an email from a guy who lives about an hour away from LA. He seemed legit, in his early to mid forties, widowed, looking for a long term relationship. We emailed back and forth for a bit then he asked for my number. 

I saw an ad online where they were looking for people to participate in some kind of a weight loss research. I applied. We were going to get paid for participating. Score! This came about not long after my new friend, the one we went to the Queen Latifah show with, when we won tons of gifts? She gave me weightloss pills, it really bothered her that 'I am so beautiful, but so fat'. So I went along and took the pills. They made me really energetic, My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my eyes, I think I was high or something. Maybe my pupils were dilated, who knows? I was bouncing off the walls, it was interesting.

I got accepted at the research thingy. Yay! They called me in for a physical check up and a ton of paperwork. I did all that, they weighed me and told me to get off the diet pills for two weeks and go back thereafter for another 'initial' weigh in. They told me that I would be disqualified if I gained more than 2lbs per week. That's less than 1kg! I knew I was going to watch what I eat and be careful in general, I wasn't going to let that opportunity pass me by. What I wasn't crazy about was that because that was research, they were going to put half the subjects on a placebo, half on the real weightloss pill and see who lost weight. I didn't wanna be on a placebo. I had real weight loss pills at home that were working just fine, dilated pupils at all. they got a pass cos they were going to pay me more than $3 000 after the six month period.

On my way home from the first appointment, I got a call from the guy I had been talking to online. We'll call him Rancho. He sounded better than he looked. I'm not saying he looked bad but he looked kinda nerdy, he sounded normal. We talked for an hour on the phone, it was nice. We seemed to have a few things in common. He told me he goes to Vegas quite often, I hadn't been to Vegas yet. He told me that he would take me. He also goes to San Francisco twice a year to shop. I was like oh no, that's in my list of to go places. He told me he would take me but first he needed to see if I liked him. I'm easy, I can like anyone, you should see the guys I've dated, sht, be nice to me, and I'm down. Be an asshole and I'm out, I won't even leave you a note goodbye. It's that simple.

We planned to meet the following day. He didn't care where we would go, I had to decide what we were going to do. I told him let's do lunch in Hollywood that way I wouldn't have to be in the car with him. I had learnt my lesson from being in a car with Persian Persuasion I still can't believe that man tried to rape me with his finger. You should have seen him trying to stick it in, trying to aim as much as possible. There I was ducking and diving and someone has a hang under my dress, trying to stick his finger in my private parts. Who does that? Rancho was ok with my idea. I told him we could go to the beach to chill after lunch. He was like, if the date goes well, I will take you to the beach, if not, I will take you home. Deal!  

I was excited to meet him. It's not everyday someone age appropriate wants to date me. We talked a little bit further and I was like screw it, let him pick me up, I'm not dressing up cute and taking the bus or worse, walking to the restaurant in the dusty streets of Hollywood. He came to pick me up that afternoon. I remember, I was on skype with my sister. I got ready while we were still chatting. He called to say he was going to be there in 40 mins, then he told me when he arrived. I was so nervous. I didn't know which wig to wear, if at all. Oh my goodness! My sister and I agreed on outfit. She logged off as I was about to walk out the apartment.

He told me he was driving a white car, he was out front. I rushed over there. No white car! He had driven around the block, there was no parking in front of our block, he told me to wait for him. I did, ever so nervous. He came around, man! I'm not materialistic but, NICE CAR! He looks so much cuter in person. I got even more nervous. I thought the guy was a geeky nerdy person who works on computers and x-boxes 24/7.  I got in the car. He wouldn't look me in the eye. I thought, great, he is not interested. Awesome, we're gonna have a short date, then he will dump me back here. Oh well, at least I tried. I was even thinking of being like, you know what? Er, I gotta go back. See ya later! Bye! I put my big girl panties on and rolled with it! He took me to Red lobster far away. I couldn't tell ya where that place is. 

He seemed nervous too as we went along, the drive to the restaurant was about 30  minutes. I ordered a mixed platter with shrimp, calamari and some veggies. Everything was deep fried, including the veggies. Have you ever seen broccoli drenched in oil? Well... He ordered steamed shrimp and I can't remember what else. He offered me some of his food. That was nice cos mine was inedible. We talked about general stuff. Very platonic. Nothing date like. I could tell he wasn't into me like that. He was just trying to kill time. 

He was married for 13 years or so. His wife died last year. They never had kids, he has a daughter with an ex girlfriend. Daughter has her own family now, she lives in a different state. Rancho's mom doesn't live that far from him. He had an IT job offer in Japan but forwent it to be close to his elderly mom. He is very close to his family. He also has a sister. Older. He was going to go for dinner with his mom that very evening. After lunch, I used the restroom and got ready for the long drive home. We walked to the car. He opened the door for me, we had what could be mistaken for a moment there for a second but we had spent enough time together that I could tell, we were not that couple. As we were driving off the parking lot, he asked me which beach I wanted to go to. I couldn't believe it! OMG! He likes me! He really, really likes me! (in that Sally Field voice). 

I didn't care which beach we went to, I was happy to have been wrong about him and I. I knew he was interested when he put his hand on my knee on our way to the beach. We arrived at seal beach. He didn't want me to walk on the sand and bring it into his car cos he had washed it that morning. I was like why did you bring me here then? smdh. We sat in the car and watched the sun set and talked. It was nice. After that, he was like, ok, come on, let's go. We went for a short walk towards the beach and watched more sunset. It got dark quickly. Not creepy dark, it was just after sunset after all. He came closer, gave me a nice hug and may or may not have rest his head on my chest. It was a nice moment though, not creepy. Trust me, I know creepy, I've been through creepy, I recognise her when I see her. 

We walked back to the car. We talked for a second, he hugged me and stole a kiss. Nothing more than a peck on the lips aka baby kiss. It was all a welcome surprise as I didn't think any of that was going to be happening that evening. It was a nice change to the last date I had been on where I left flying barefoot smdh. 

Rancho dropped me off, he was rushing to meet up with his mother at 8pm. He called me on his way home. We talked until he got home. His mom was too tired from church, she cancelled. We talked on the phone the entire night until we went to bed around 2 the following morning. 

Date Rape?

So after Russian Roulette Challenged me to go on 100 dates, I went back on the internet and registered with all the dating sites I know of and posted an ad. I got a ton of responses from middle aged men. One of them was a Persian man who  now lives in Southern California. He seemed like the real deal. We exchanged email addresses within house and in no time, exchanged phone numbers. I, of course, googled his ass and found that he is a Dentist from Iran, he was divorced blah blah blah. I got his address and everything. I didn't tell him I had done that because I do that for myself to verify if someone if who they say they are.

We met that very evening. Daddy was moving fast! I like it! That evening, I got ready, he picked me up in a limo. I didn't see that one coming. I mean, it's a Limo, even Stevie Wonder would've seen it coming, but you know what I mean. He looked nice, nice, expensive fitted suit. It looked so good on him, like it was custom made. He shook my hand and opened the back door for me. THAT was something I had never experienced before. I have dated Spotty, who had a limo but not once did he let me sit in the back seat. Anyway, he asked me where I wanted to go to eat. I was like, let's have seafood. We had already talked about that. apparently he lived in Hollywood before, so he was quite familiar with the area. He took me to West Hollywood, everywhere was packed.

He asked if  I like Pizza. I toldhim I don't mind it, but am not particularly crazy about it. He told me he was going to suggest we go to his house, he would make me one from scratch. I was like no, no houses. I don't go to your house and you don't come to mine. Not on the first meeting. He said, ok, the offer is open, whenever you want me to cook for you, you're welcome at my house. I thought that was nice.

 We went to Westwood. He took me to an Iranian restaurant. I ordered Rice with salmon. It came in a huge ass platter, five generous pieces of Fish, and some veggies. He had eggplant/aubergine/brinjal lol  I just love how this veggie has three different names. I think Brinjal is only South African though. I could be wrong. anyway. I had one piece of salmon and drank water. I wasn't at all that hungry. He told me I could take the rest home. He asked them for a takeout container, dished the rice onto, then the fish, asked for butter in Iranian. They brought it for him, he opened up the small tubs, buttered the fish. that was random, what if i didn't want butter on the fish? I decided to be easy going and not question him about that. He got the tab, then we left. He put the food in the front seat with him. I sat at the back. It was a cold January night. southern Californian cold. He asked if I wanted ice cream from a Persian place across the street. I was down!

We walked over there, he got me a sandwich type ice cream. Passion fruit / granadilla. He wasn't going to have any. He asked if I wanted to sit in the car or in the ice cream place. It was cold! I was like sure let's sit in the car. I thought it would also be a nice chance for us to talk, we had hardly talked the entire time. I was the one asking the questions. We walked to the car, he opened the back door for me. I got in, he got into the driver's side, drove of. I was like, WAIT A MINUTE!  Where are we going? He told me, to his place. He wanted me to be comfortable. I was like but we talked about this, we are not going to your place. He told me that we were not going to be long, he just wanted me not to spill Ice cream in his car. the car was moving. His house is like two streets away from the restaurants and a block away from UCLA. He has a daughter who goes to UCLA. I saw that when doing my research.

We arrived at the place. We got to the apartment. He told me his daughter went to a friend's birthday party. It's a small, two bedroom apartment. As soon as we got there, he cut the ice cream sandwich in half, and served it to me with a fork and a very sharp looking knife. Not before we took off our shoes though. I guess it's one of those houses. He sat next to me and reached for a hug. There was no reason to hug at all. We hadn't talked much, we didn't know that much about each other, we didn't have any particular connection, it was all too random, but what was I to do? I hugged him back and went back to my ice cream. I couldn't tell you what the ice cream tasted like. Soon after the hug, he asked me when I am going to give him a massage. He had told me before while we were still out that he likes massages, this is after I told him what I used to do in south Africa for a living. He showed me a place he goes to for massages with happy endings. He asked if I give happy endings. That was the only time he actually seemed to talk freely. When we were talking about happy endings. I told him I didn't go to school for massage to give happy endings. That's a different kind of massage field. He was like come on, that's the only reason people go for massages. Happy endings.

When he asked him for a massage, I told him, it's only our first date, I am not touching him and don't expect him to touch me. He reached behind me and unhooked my bra in a split second. I was shocked. I was like WTF? Before I could finish saying that, his fingers were squeezing my nipples.  I guess he was trying to turn me on quickly before I had time to feel violated. I gain WHAT THE F*CK? I pushed his hands off me, he quickly snuck his hands under my dress all the way up to the back of my bra to 'hook it back up'. he told me, 'you have to pay!' I was like, for what? In retrospect, I think he wanted me to pay for the piece of salmon I ate from the dinner he later put in a doggy bag and took home to eat later. By the way, the leftover dinner, he bagged for me to take home earlier? He put it in his fridge when we got to the apartment.

That man was all over me! I kept looking at that very sharp knife at the coffee table in front of me, trying to figure out how to save myself using it. Everything was moving really fast. I jumped up, headed for the bathroom, locked myself in there, took a deep breath looked myself in the eye in the mirror, you know wondering if that was really happening. I fixed myself up then ran past him, grabbed my shoes and was like, I'm out mutha f*cker! He came after me, told me to wait for him, he would take me home. I waited for him outside the apartment. It was late, cold, dark, I had never been in that neighborhood before, that was the least of my worries though because I have gps. I am always going to places I had never been before. He came out, we walked to the car. This time, he didn't open the door for me. I didn't give a fck.

He drove like a maniac. The strangest thing happened on that ride home. I couldn't keep my eyes open. Who dozes off with a monster in a car? I swear that guy must have sprinkled something in that Ice cream sandwich that was meant to work while I was still at his place but I left too soon. he dropped me off a block away from my place. I didn't care, I was glad to be the hell out of there and away from him. He didn't utter a word in the care on the ride home. Neither did I. Well, I was busy trying to stay awake

James Bond

When we got home, James invited me over to his for a night cap. Soon as we got to his, he was like omg, it's so stuffy in here, he opened up windows, turned on the fan, sprayed air freshener, took out the garbage. It was cute to see him act so nervous.  That is so something I would do. We hung out for an hour or two on his bed then I went home.

He told me to pop in anytime to say hi or for a visit. I hope he knew he was opening up a can of worms by doing so! I ran upstairs to mine. My roomie was asleep. He goes to bed around 8pm, wakes up around 1am, heads out and will be back around 4am sometimes. It's a very interesting schedule. Especially because we were sharing a studio.He would come home, open up windows, turn on ceiling fan, all the lights and maybe open the door as well, just for the hell of it. I would wake up with my nostrils completely dry. You know, I don't want to complain to him and be that person but why can't he be that person and not do all this in the middle of the night? I get walking into a stuffy room and wanting to open up the windows, from my experience using mini buses in South Africa, I know that after a minute, you will have adjusted and get mad at the person who gets on and opens up the window. But I was open to him opening the window only for a few minutes. He wouldn't do that. He would go straight to bed, with the hope that he would get up and shut everything again but then, he was so tired, he would just go to sleep. Now without taking a shower though. That guy would take 3 showers per day. Pretty impressive.

Jon was a hairstylist, self employed. He seemed to do all his work at night though. He told me that usually after cutting someone's hair, he would join them in the shower and they would have 'fun'. I am assuming his clients were mainly gay. Not that I care. Interestingly enough, he would go home afterwards and take another shower. I wasn't paying for water or lights, so it didn't affect my finances in any way. I just found it interesting that someone who wouldn't clean up after himself or brush the toilet after doing a number two or even flush sometimes, would shower so many times a day as if he's a neat freak.

In the time I roomed with Jon, I ate TV Dinners, you know the boxed, precooked dinners and lunches? 3 minutes in the microwave and you're done! Maybe  I should go back to that! Life was much simpler then :)

Jon is vegetarian, very health conscious, very West Hollywood. He loves tea though, he lives on it. It was cute how he always made tea in a teapot on the stove. Very unusual for someone like me who neither drinks tea nor coffee. Nor Alcohol for that matter. I should be a mormon!

One afternoon, I got a call from James, he was just saying hi. He was on his way home. He asked if I wanted to hang out. I mean! Is that a rhetorical question? Of course I wanna hang out! We love James!

This wasn't long after I got my huge can of Caramel and Cheese Popcorn shipped to my place by the Queen Latifah Show. I tell ya the gifts were never ending. I was always receiving something in the mail. I bet ya the office must have been wondering about me. I offered Jon some popcorn, he would have some all hours of day and night. I tell ya, dude would wake up in the middle of the night, smoke weed, get himself hungry from that and munch on my special, expensive popcorn. I ain't kidding, the can was worth $80 (that R800 for popcorn). Even if it was cheap, know your boundaries, if someone offers you something, don't have half. This is not an in community of property type of rooming arrangement. GTFOH! I gave some to my friend, Julie and took some with me to James' when he invited me over.

He was so grateful. He kept saying, 'aw, you're so sweet.' I was thinking, so whatchu gonna do about it? ;)

He had been trying to buy some furniture online for his new apartment. Apparently he heard back from this couple of ladies in Studio City. He had to go pick it up. He asked if I wanted to go along. I was in my pyjamas. It didn't matter because he was driving. I went along with him. I love going on drives, it's always been my thing. One of the things I miss about having a car, gassing it up and hitting the open road. This was in the evening, no traffic. Yay!

When we got there, the ladies asked if we were a couple. My heart beat really fast when they did. James and I smiled, looked at each other and went 'no!' in unison. The girls helped us load the table and chairs on the truck. We drove back to hollywood. When we were in the car, James was like, can you believe they just asked if we are a couple? I was like uhm, hehehe. I didn't know what to do with that question, then I rambled about a time where I was with this guy who liked me on Hollywood and Vine. I wanted to take a picture on the walk of fame, he offered to take it for me but then someone offered to take a picture of both of us and I was like, nah, thanks we're good! I went on to tell him another story about a man who complimented that same guy and I about how cute a couple we looked (we didn't) and told the guy he has good taste. Guy didn't correct the man, he just thanked him for the compliment. This man is engaged, he lives with his woman.I don't know why he is collecting compliments about him and I. Anyway, we lost the moment due to my ramblings. I was nervous! What was I to say?

When we got back home, I helped him carry the stuff to his place. James was like, oh no you don't have to. I'm like, come on! How you gon carry all this stuff by yourself and still be able to hold the door open? #Superman When we got home, he set everything up, cleaned it and was like, we need to test drive this! I'm making dinner. I was like, ok, but I'm leaving, so bye! Enjoy dinner. He kept telling me to stay,so I did

James Made dinner, He had left over brown rice, he made a toasted chicken sandwich, some salad and the rice and he gave me some gluten free, everything free, vegan fruit juice from Whole Foods. It was great. He is such a gracious host! He kept getting up to get stuff to make me feel comfortable. I was like, sit down and eat, your food is gonna get cold! He's adorable. And hot.

After dinner, I tried to leave. He told me to stay a little longer. We talked about everything under the sun, relationships, Hollywood, you name it. He sat on the bed, I was at the table. He told me to sit on the bed with him. It's comfier, so I did.

Russian Roulette

Day after I accepted the money from Jon, the new roommate. The other guy texted to find out if the place was still available. I told him it was taken. Turns out, he would have taken it!

One of the guys who came to view was part French, part Spanish, part LordKnowsWhat, cute as hell. He was a tad bit taller than me. He also had a nice vibe about me. He was my first choice. Unfortunately, he had a few other places to view before making a commitment. He sat on the spare bed, we got to know each other a little bit. I was mesmerised by his beauty. He has long-ish hair, just the right length, green/hazel eyes and the most amazing skin. You know how hot mixed people are! I texted him the following day, he still had one more place to view. He texted me later on, telling me he found a place. He went with a studio that turned out to be in my apartment building. 'We are neighbors! You should come over for coffee or something!' He said. I had mixed feelings about that. I have a hot neighbor, yay to that! But then, I was screwed cos I just lost what could have been an amazing roommate. #ItIsWhatItIs

As you well know, I found a roommate, Jon. He happens to be from the same town Handsome is from. Five hours away from Los Angeles. I told Handsome this, we'll call him James. He was excited, he wanted to meet him. I told Jon this, he was like, 'I think I have reached the limit of straight guys. I don't need to meet any more straight guys!' Awkward. I even tried to get Jon to share some of his weed with James. He was like, man, you must like this guy, weed is expensive, I'm not sharing it with some guy, just cos you wanna bone him. That wasn't the case, I am not the girl for meaningless sex. Meaningless what? Sex? What's that? At this point, I don't even know what that is and how it's performed. I hope it's just like riding a bicycle - Mind you, I don't know how to ride a bicycle. No pun intended.

James and I chatted for the first few days until he settled in. Then the conversation fizzled. I think we mutually forgot about each other. I kept going to TV shows. Judge Judy, who I adore. If you watch the show, you may have seen me on some of the episodes, Dr Phil, Arsenio Hall, Queen Latifah, Chelsea Lately, to name a few and a whole bunch of sitcoms. I saw and met a lot of celebs I have watched over the years over there. One who sticks out is the black guy from Felicity and Scrubs, Donald Faison, Seth Green, Nick Lachey (Jessica Simpson's ex hubby)'s wife, Vanessa Lachey, she is a tv host. I got to talk to her, she loved my big, afro hair. Gorgeous girl, but I'm team Jessica All the way. What can I say? I love her shoes and bags, nail polishes etc. Don't judge me, I shop at Ross!

One morning, After having been with one casting network for almost a month and not having been booked the entire month by them, I saw a notice for a rush call. A rush call is when they need people on set within an hour of sending out the notice. They had a phone number in the email which I called. They booked me on the spot. It paid good too. I was excited. the shoot was an hour away. I jumped into the showed and rushed out the door. It was for a commercial. I got there nice and early but not as early as he hundreds of people who got there before me. No electronics, please leave them in your car. Sure, will do! Only, I don't have a car! They kept preaching how they were not kidding, they would kick us out of we were caught with cellphones on us. Sht. I went and kid mine where the sun don't shine. Use your imagination!

I went back to the line looking ever so guilty. I needed my cell and I wasn't going to hide it under a random tree or a rock and break it. Plus, I didn't know anyone on set that day even though there were hundreds of people. Eventually, I cracked up a conversation with some girl who is 'one of the few original LAers' Like I care. I'm an original African 'American', so what? Anyway, I guess she is proud of that. She told me that they had very strict security, they found cellphones in people's crotches and shoes the previous day and they kicked them away. Sht! They're definitely going to find mine. I need this gig and I need to keep working with these people. She told me I could just tell the staff that I took the bus, they would hold my cell for me. Turns out a lot of people did that. For some reason, the lady forgot to mention that when she was busy threatening us about getting fired. I left my phone with them #whew

They searched us thoroughly and put us on buses to a secret location. That location was The Santa Monica Airport. There were 1 300 of us, I was told. Count em! That's a lot of freaking people! We got into some hall, they did sound check. Some people had already been there the previous day. It was a three day shoot. An Italian girl I was standing next to had been there the previous day. She asked if I knew who was performing. I was like performing? I thought this was a commercial! She was like yeah, that's what they tell everyone but it's a secret, so you can't tell anyone on social media or anything like that. It's Youtube. I was like Youtube? Yeah, Youtube! Ah ok. I guess she meant it was a Youtube commercial.

We were there for what could have been an hour when a short guy with glasses came onto the stage. I was asking myself, who is this short man with attitude, could it be Pitbull? I looked closely, OMG It's Bono from U2! (Youtube, get it? Damn Italian Accent!). I was so excited, my day couldn't get any better. We got to hang out with Oprah's friend, what! When the people around me saw how excited I was, they told me I could move closer to the stage, they didn't mind, they had been there the previous day. They all but a couple who made out the entire day, didn't mind. So I got to watch U2 sing and that couple make out all day long. all in a day's work! U2 was doing a video of their song Invisible. By the end of the day, we all knew the lyrics to it haha. Check it out on youtube and know that I was there :). It officially debuted during the Superbowl so it was a big deal, hence the secrecy.

He had this swing like mic that he would hold onto and swing towards the crowd, when he did, I made sure to spank his ass haha. When he got back on stage, he said, I felt something in my ass. I was like that was me boo haha. I got to spank him a few times. I am not not gonna touch Bono in what could be my only chance of doing so, sorry. I've come too far not to take advantage of that. It was an awesome day, they fed us good, there were bagels and coffee (which I don't drink), snacks, fruit and warm lunch. They did good for a company that was feeding more than a thousand people.

Lunch time, we all went out. I had my lunch, then on my way to get a piece of fruit, a really cute guy came to me looking ever so excited! He game me a hug, I knew I must have died and gone to heaven. Listen, I am pretty lucky in general but not that lucky! I blinked hard, to see if I was dreaming and realised, I wasn't. It was James! Dude is fine as hell! It's the kind of beauty you don't get used to. He was booked for the same gig! I knew he was an actor but I mean, I didn't expect to see him there. It was nice to see him. He asked how I got there. By bus of course. He drives so he offered to give me a ride that night. I told him not to wait up because there were so many people there, we could lose each other and I didn't want him waiting forever for me. I could just take the bus back. He told me where he was parked. He was going to wait for me for ten minutes from wrap up time, then leave. That was the deal.

I went back in after lunch, his group was sitting outside. It was freezing cold. January, still winter. They had heaters though, so they were well taken care of.

We wrapped up around ten pm. It was a very long day. Call time was around 6am. During lunch, I met a nice Russian lady. We got on like a house on fire. We ended up hanging out together inside, talking about all kinds of things, and men. She told me I have to go out on 100 dates before I find the one. She challenged me to go on all the dating sites I could think off and search, search, search. If I did, she told me, I could get married by the end of 2014. Not one to back down for a challenge, I went, YOU'RE ON, BTCH!

That night, Russian Roulette and I went out. She has  a car but everyone is packed by the beach where we were supposed to meet up in the morning, they were going to take us back there in buses. That's where I was going to meet James. They had our cellphones. We had to wait in line forever. Well, I waited in line while Russian Roulette was collecting all the left over food, sticking it in huge bags that she had brought with her. I was so embarrassed for her. I turned a blind eye. What was I gonna do? As soon as I got my cellphone back, an hour after we wrapped, I already knew James must have left, I just wanted to call and tell him, I would be fine. The bus from Santa Monica to Downtown LA, via Hollywood operates 24/7. I was going to be ok. As soon as I turned my phone on, he called. He had left me messages telling me he was waiting for me. I wasn't sure what time he had left them because, well, my phone isn't that cool. It only shows the time you turn the phone as the time the message came through, that's it.

I took the call, he told me he was still waiting for me. This was more than an hour and a half after we finished up. He was the first group to leave, I felt so bad that he had to wait for me. It was very nice of him. Of course, I was the last one to get dropped off. Murphy's Law. He had heated up the car, it was nice and warm inside. It was much colder outside, it being midnight and right by the beach and all. I got on the car and couldn't help but stare at him. I thought to myself, maybe I could follow him to his room and thank him 'properly'...

Gonorrhea Treatment

New year, no issues! Time to find a roommate, FAST! I had posted an advert on Craig's list almost as soon as I moved in but people were busy with the festive season. I hoped that when everyone was back in town, people would wanna come over and check the place. They did indeed. Some were contacting me from out of town, they wanted to move two months from the time the ad was up. I couldn't wait that long, plus why would you wait for someone who hasn't even viewed the place?What it they had a few places lined up for them?

A number of people came to view my place. It's in Hollywood, so when the out of towners come to see it, they expect it to look like the movies. They want it to look like Beverly Hills, Hollywood Hills or Malibu, sorry boo. Just Hollywood! The very first guy who came to view was from Texas, he had only moved to Los Angeles the previous night. I met him at the main entrance of the apartment, he was so scared, he was shaking. I asked if he was ok, he told me, 'This is not what I expected'. You would swear the guy just saw a ghost. Dramatic Much? He told me he googled the neighborhood, apparently a few blocks down the street from me, is a very dangerous neighborhood, Lemon something. According him. I assume he meant Lemon Grove. He told me never to go there and also told me to move out of my place ASAP. I was like, what are you talking about? I just moved here last week! I'm not moving out!

A few more people were that way, they looked at West Hollywood, which is more towards Beverly Hills and a much more expensive part of Hollywood and expect this to look like that and yet they want to pay the price I am charging. You get what you pay for boo. Why don't you move to WeHo then if you're to fancy for my neighborhood? Shoot! A few people were interested but had a few other places to view. A lot of those were looking for their own bedrooms. Mine was a studio to share. EVERYONE who came to view my place was male! Where my female roommates at? Gees! A guy named Jon (that's what we'll call him), emailed me, he was  a 38/39 year old gay male, blah blah blah. I was interested because, no offence to my gays but he was the closest I could get to a female and the age group was matured so I was hopeful. He came over the following day to view, liked the place. He uses public transportation, we have a bust stop right by the apartment so that was a plus. He was moving from not too far from my place anyway, so he is familiar with Hollywood, he is gay, so he knows West Hollywood AKA the Gayest part of Lost Angeles. He told me he was going to arrange for someone to move him. He would pay me then as well. Oh and when he got here, either his perfume smells very strong or he had been drinking. We're still awaiting verdict on that.

While he was here, he told me about his life, his family, his friends, his then rooming situation. He lived in a two bedroom apartment where there were two people per room, so there were four of them in total in the house. His roommate wasn't talking to him. He was being a jerk blah blah blah. Not to everyone out there: When you meet someone you are hoping to have any kind of a relationship with, leave out the negative! Don't tell them about the mean people who will no longer talk to you or your Aunt Rose who is such a bitch, you had to hit in the head with a pot. Ain't nobody wanna hear that! It makes people's guards go up, they can't help but wonder if you are not the one with a problem. Some will use that against you in future when you have an argument.

Jon would then text me that evening, telling me what he's up to and with him. Don't you just love it when someone refers to people you don't know by name as if you know exactly who that is? He texted me for the following two days. No word as to whether or not he was still coming. He was just talking about himself and his life. I had to ask him what the deal was, was he still interested or not? I kept the ad up. I couldn't just assume I had found someone without him having paid yet, right? Another guy came over to view, he seemed to have liked the place, we clicked, it was great. He was going to sleep on it and let me know the following day if he was going to take it. On his way out, Jon came by to pay. I was over the whole thing of having to be available to show the place, I wanted my life back. I took the payment, gave him his keys, and we were good to go. He took a few more days to move in. He couldn't get hold of his friend who was going to move him. He was planning on sneaking out of his roommates. Apparently, he didn't pay deposit there, so he could just leave without them owing anything. I wanted some kind of security deposit. It wasn't much, just a little. He paid me that. He told me that they were about to get kicked out of the old place. Apparently, some of them were not paying, so they were in trouble. The notice for eviction in 7 days was pushed under the door while Jon was home alone. He stole it. He wanted them to get a surprise of their lives when they got kicked out. I thought that was malicious but then again, I don't know the back story so I just thought to myself, I had to be careful about the guy, he had  a mean streak.

He had a ton of stuff! Bag upon bag, upon bag! He had a nice pair of boots that was supposedly special so he thought that had to go on top of the microwave which itself is on top of the fridge. I was like, yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. He wanted the microwave, which he doesn't use because he is all about being green and saving the planet, in the bedroom, right next to my bed. I was like, I don't think that's gonna roll. What exactly are we doing here? Shoes in the kitchen and microwaves in bedrooms?

He unpacked some of his stuff and left the rest in suitcases in front of his bed. I ain't kidding ya when I say the dude had a lot of stuff. He told me that wasn't everything, he had some at all his friend's places. We got along fine, we had tons of laughs and long chats about Hollywood and men. He is also a transplant from five hours away. He had been here for a while though.

He is on a gay hook up app called Scruff. He met a lot of men there. We would always have someone new to talk about.

Did I mention that just after he moved in, he told me that he was talking treatment for Gonorrhea? Apparently he got it from someone who gave him head at a club. You know how it got to someone's throat right? Can the church say eeeewwwwwww! Of course, I ran and bout all kinds of disinfectants, anti-bacterial this and anti-viral that. I don't know if gonorrhea is contagious and how but I wasn't gonna take a chance. The only person I know who had gonorrhea (untreated) is now mentally disturbed. Apparently, he cured his STD successfully. Without spreading it to me, might I add. He told me that he learnt his lesson, he had been a slut and was done with all that. That was a wake up call for him to only be getting his first std at that age. He was so terrified, he even called and told his very conservative father. Haha, poor parents. #awkward

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

After being so done with Speedy, I headed to my new place. He had asked me why I was moving out so early, I had a few more days before January 1st. I was like, bye!

I settled in at my new place, walked around naked just cos I could. It's way out of my budget, so I was going to have to find a roommate. That was the bummer. I did enjoy the last few days of 2013 in my apartment by myself, eating take outs (take aways) though. I slept in the dark, without anyone watching the telly while I was asleep or smoking weed in my presence, it was the perfect ending to a crazy year. That was my eighth move in 2013. I was tired yall! Exhausted.

Julie came over a few times to 'see' me. This is what happens when she comes over for a 'visit'. She calls to find out if  I am home, then tells me she was thinking of dropping by because she hadn't seen me in a while, then she comes over, sits on the floor (she likes that. I'm ok with it if she is), then she asks to check her emails on my computer because they don't have internet at hers. I pay for mine, it's not something the US government unfairly gives to some people and doesn't give to others, so all they have to do, she and her man is to pay for it too. Especially seeing as she lives with her man and a roommate. Everyone in there has a job, clearly they can afford a few dollars for the internet. If I can afford it, they surely can. Anyway, I will give her the laptop and let her do her thing. After checking her emails, she will ask to check her messages on Facebook because some people don't have her number, so they message her over there. Fair enough, I let her. Usually, when she comes over, I would normally be in the middle of doing something on the computer, so I have to stop doing what I am doing, because she 'missed' me. She would then hang out on facebook, trying to multitask, she would ask me about my day, etc, and go on to chat with her friends while I answer, leaving me talking to myself, cos nobody can multitask that much. You can't have two conversations with separate people at the same time. I don't care how good a multitasker you are. 

If I as much as walk out or go to the loo (restroom), I will come back to find her quickly checking the history of websites I have visited on the net. One day, I found her looking at my pictures, which are located elsewhere on the computer, not on the net, which is what she had asked to use. Or I will come back to find her trying to quickly upload pictures on facebook, then she will quickly pull out the memory stick, when I walk in. It's kinda weird. I don't know why you would want to know what I do on my computer, and why would you want to look at my pictures in my absence, the joy in looking at someone's pictures is having them there giving you the back story of the picture. Unless you are looking to find that which the other person doesn't want you to see. Well, that's a whole another story. And I think that's what she was trying to do.

If I tell her about a guy I met online, she would ask to see a picture, when I browse through the pictures on my phone to show her the guy, she is so focused on the pictures, she would be like, what's that? Who's that? Like, if she sees a little bit of skin, maybe a guy sent me a shirtless picture. I would show her quickly, and then go back to what I was doing and eventually show her the person I was talking about. She would take the phone, browse through, and not even look at the person I was showing her. The person whose picture SHE had asked to see. B!tch don't browse through my sh!t! That's not cool. You don't do that.

I bit my tongue the first few times until I couldn't take it any more. My internet is very slow when it comes to watching videos, so I would spend the day buffering a few episodes of whatever show I would be watching at the time and then, enjoy them later when I am done doing whatever I was doing. She came over one night, I had about four episodes I had buffered that day. I asked her not to close the browser. When she was done, she logged off, she always made sure to log off, she would even come back from having left to make double sure she logged off. That from someone who snoops through my sht when I'm gone. Get your own internet and you won't have to worry about logging off! Anyway, that night, when she was done, she logged off facebook and yahoo and closed the browser. I lost everything! I was so mad! I was like, did you just close the browser! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! that's what she does when you have a conversation with her, she's not listening to what you're saying. She just goes yeah! A lot of people do that here, that's why I keep conversations light. Nobody cares, they just wanna talk about themselves. When you talk, they are thinking of what to say next about themselves. The moment you shut up, even mid sentence, the blurt out something about themselves. They will tell you the same story over and over than listen to what you have to say. I had to repeat myself and asked her again if she closed the browser after I had asked her nicely not to. She was like oh, oh! Sorry gurl! I am so sorry! I explained why it was a big deal to me. She may think I was being petty but then I think they are petty for not getting their own internet, what I do on mine is my business, don't invite yourself to my place and judge me! GTFOH!

After that day, she came one more time, spent three hours on the internet while I watched her enjoy herself not knowing what to do with my hands. She was on TMZ and other celebrity blogs that she found from browsing my history. I had to ask her if what she was doing was urgent because I gave her the computer to check her messages, I myself haven't had a chance to look at the blogs because I was looking for jobs, but now I am having to sit and watch her live the life while I have things to do on the computer. If you are here as my friend because you missed me (which is impossible because you don't even know me like that. You never ask me anything about myself or listen when I talk, so not only do you not know me, you are not interested in getting to know me), why do you spend all your time here on the internet? Clearly, that's what you came here for!

After the second confrontation, she never came back to my place. I was so relieved, good riddance! I got to enjoy the comfort of my new place. PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB! 

She would call, ask what I am up to, then tell me she is on her way to the internet cafe. I guess she was trying to make me feel guilty. Do you think I felt guilty? No prizes for guessing! She had previously told me that she didn't want to use the free internet at the library, she didn't like the vibe over there and didn't want to pay at internet cafes just to use the internet. She and her boyfriend had wifi before. They stole it from someone in the neighborhood, when that person found out, they changed login details, so they were no longer able to steal it. I thought it was ballsy of her to tell me she didn't want to do those things to get internet but then come use mine which I pay for. Maybe I'm full of sht but I don't get some people's thinking processes. Or maybe I'm slow. 

I had a new friend who I met at Chelsea Lately. We'll call her Jessie. She is South American, nice girl, who could either be 20 or 40, the jury is still out on her age. Don't ask, don't tell. She is obsessed with wanting me to lose weight. She tells me I have a beautiful face but I have to lose weight. She's like if I were to lose weight my life would change dramatically, I would get more acting gigs, find a hot boyfriend etc etc. Er duh! You think I don't know that? That's what makes it that much harder to lose weight. The pressure of it all. She told me she had great diet pills at her house, she wanted me to use them. They guarantee a loo of 1lb (500grams) per week. I didn't believe that but what did I have to lose but weight, right? 

She kept forgetting to take them with her when we met up, so I offered to go get them at her place, she agreed. I walked over there, big mistake! It wasn't as close as I had anticipated. It was like an hour's walk or something. In the heat, good thing I had my umbrella with me. I was still in high spirits over my new place so nothing could bring me down. It was the end of one of the craziest years for me, so I was excited and looking forward to 2014. I arrived at her place, which she shares with her husband. I love her husband, he is hilarious. I met him at the taping of the Queen Latifah show where we all won laptops? Remember the friends who gave me a ride home? This is them. We hung out at her cute place, she made lunch, Peruvian! We drank Peruvian soda, it was nice! I had a nice time with her. She told me some of the craziest stories I have ever heard, and I've heard some crazy stories! We laughed, we cried, fun times all around. I must have been there for 5 hours or so, when her husband got home. That was my cue to go home. He didn't stay, he had forgotten his bicycle on the bus, so he went back to get that at the depot. I stuck around a little longer, then eventually left. By the time I left, the trains (subway) was free for a few hours. Free rides for all, new Year's special to prevent New Year's eve Traffic jams. I took the subway to Julie's. She had called and wanted to spend New Year's eve together. I wasn't up for it, I thought, I'd go with them a happy day and go home. I was ready for bed, chile, I'm old! 

When I arrived, she came to get me at the main entrance of her block, she lives right on Hollywood Boulevard, nice apartment block, with two swimming pools. She is the one whose at whose house we spent Christmas Day. She was all dressed up, she had done her hair and all. I was like, whoa, where are you off to? The musician that she had over at hers on Christmas had a party at his friend's, she was ready to go there with her boyfriend. She asked me to go with them. I didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like being in another party with people I don't know ho were highly likely going to be drunk and stoned and it's NYE, people are going to make out at midnight. I've already gone through all that at Christmas, I was ready to have a nice and relaxed NYE. I politely declined. Her boyfriend wasn't about to leave the house either. So she ended up not going after all. I felt sorry for her. Boyfriend's friends, who are a couple, dropped by just before midnight. Speed was texting me, telling me I was right. How do  I know these things, why is it that I am always right? He was sucking up, needing attention. He didn't want to be alone at midnight, he wanted to be in the midst of a conversation with me. I wasn't going to be in the midst of a conversation with him at midnight, so I stopped texting. He was telling me that he did have that girl, the ex move in after I moved out. They did have sex. Whoop defreaking doo! Then she left him and went back to her boyfriend that she had had a fight with. Does it look like I care? Obviously not! I told him, I was no longer his roommate, I didn't have to listen to any of that anymore. It is what it is, happy new year boo! 

After midnight, I headed home. Julie walked me to the station. We stood there and talked a bit, people watched. There were people everywhere! It looked like it could be daytime. Some people were crying over the stars of their favorite celebrities on the walk of fame. Michael Jackson's fans put lit candles on his star, it was cute and sad. I got home, talked to my family and went to bed early hours of 2014. Goodbye 2013, hello 2014!

The Apartment

After Christmas, Julie took me to an apartment block where she lived for six years when she first moved to LA. It's in Hollywood. I got contact details and called the office the following day as soon as they opened. They told me that they had two apartments available, they had a couple view them previously, and one of them was soon to be taken but the couple hadn't signed anything nor paid yet. I rushed over to the place. It was a good 45 minute walk or so from my place. I could've  taken the bus but whatever!

I arrived at the apartment in such a hurry, viewed the two available units, one was on the fourth floor, which is also the top floor and one is on the second. One has a nice view of LA, the other, no view at all, just walls. The apartments are so small as it is, all you need is to see more walls when you look out the window #claustrophopia. I took the one with the view. I had to pay for them to do credit check on me, this, that and the other. They don't accept cash or cheque (check), so I had to walk around some more, in the sun, looking for money order places. When I did find a place that sells money orders, they didn't accept debit orders, so I had to either look for another one or an ATM, I found the latter. The limit was $120! That wasn't gonna work! I called the bank to find out where the nearest one was to me, the lady didn't understand my accent so she couldn't be of much help. I found another money order place, they charged a ridiculous amount for using debit cards. I was like heck no! I eventually found another ATM, that charged the same as the money order place, I had walked too much and was hot and tired. I remembered that all they wanted was just some money to ensure that I wanted the place, it didn't even have to be the full deposit. I had some money in my wallet from my salary that  I was going to deposit at the bank later, I added that to the money I had withdrawn and paid the deposit and some of the rent money and told them I would pay the rest when I went to collect the key. By the time I got back, they had already done the credit check. I just had to pay for it. They interviewed me, looked at  my application, All was in order, I got the place. I WAS SO HAPPY! That was one of my happiest moments in this country! My own apartment, with my own name on the lease! It was a huge achievement to me! I was so happy, I gave the manager a hug. She was so sweet and so cool throughout. They told me I would get the key on the last day of December. I didn't want to move on New year's day, so I asked them what the earliest I could move in was, she told me a few days before the end of the year, she was pretty cool there, because they didn't charge me for those days.

I headed Speed's. On my way home, I called my bff from New Jersey. I told her the good news, my friend from Ontario who I love, the two of them are my rock here and Julie who had helped hook me up with the place. I got home, rested a little bit and started packing. Speed hadn't been spending that much time at home, he was working left, right and centre. Thank goodness! I wasn't going to let anything happen to dampen my spirit. I was in cloud nine and I intended to keep it that way. I was only at his one or two more nights after Christmas and I was gone! I didn't have any furniture so I didn't have to worry about that. I decided to go cheap or go home! I went cheap! I came to pay rent and collected the key one afternoon. I walked around the neighborhood to see what's up. I was psyched! I had the key in my very hand! I walked to Food 4 Less, they have fried chicken over there. KFCesque. I used to have it when I lived in San Diego with Perry. I got some and some rolls and came back to the apartment. I hung out over here, munched on the chicken. So not worth it! And I had bough 8 pieces! The plan was to live on that for the first few days at the apartment. If you know me, you will know I am not big on cooking. I put all that in the fridge. The apartment comes with a kitchenette with a stove and fridge, I have a microwave. All I needed was a bed. After munching away, it was late, I was tired, I lay down on the floor and woke up the following morning around 1. I spend the rest of the night at the apartment.

The following day, I walked around looking for a bed. That was really all I needed. It was hot out, winter, but still hot! Southern California for ya! I was looking for a small bed and maybe a sleeper couch in case I end up having to have a roommate. I found a small bed and a fold up bed. Perfect! I bought both, they would deliver for me at a fee, I am three blocks away from them, so that wasn't much of a schlep. They also had bedding for my beds, new sheets, fitted, flat and a pillow. They had pillows across the street. I got all I wanted at a go. I have my comfy cashmere blanked that I got from the Queen Latifah show and a sleeping bag I bought in Utah. I couldn't be more set. I waited a few minutes for the driver, he dropped me off and helped me to the elevator. He left. I pushed my stuff to my apartment. Fortunately these beds are so small, I was able to carry them one by one to the apartment. The last bed I bought was my custom made king size bed in South Africa. This was a major upgrade (NOT). It's comfortable nonetheless.

I got home, set everything up, tried out the bed and woke up the following morning around 3. While I was still setting up, I got a call from Speed. He told me he misses me. He asked if I was ok and where I was. I told him I was ok, I was looking for a place to stay, OBVIOUSLY! Where else would I be, I had been given a week to leave his place, I had to act fast. I may have mentioned that I might not be back that night. He texted me an hour later asking me if I would mind if he let his friend, conveniently an ex of his, crash on the couch that night. He was like, she got herself into some kind of a situation with her boyfriend, she really needs a place to crash tonight. I told him that he had told me no friends allowed, so he should know what the answer to that question was as he had set the rules. He told me that she was desperate, he never would have asked me if it weren't that dire. I was like, so it's not ok when I want to chill with my girl friends in the daytime but it's ok when he wants to shag his girlfriend. He told me they are not together, she is with someone else blah blah blah. I was like Speed please! You know you want to take advantage of this girl now that she is nice and vulnerable, that woman is not going to sleep on the couch, you tell me that because you don't want me to come home tonight, so I don't disturb you guys. You have kicked me out, in a matter of days I will officially out, hold your horse until then. For now, NO! If I can't have guests, neither can you. He was like I should have known you were gonna say no. This woman is here right now, but I will check her into a hotel if you don't want her here. I told him not to make it seem as if I am the bad person here, he made the rules, I am just playing along. I suggested he follow her to the hotel, seeing as he will be paying.
Paying my left n*t. He knows he can't even afford his own place, what's he talking about checking an ex girlfriend into a hotel. N word please!

The following morning, I was up early. I had a ton of stuff to move by bus. I told you I went cheap! I bought a day's bus pass and did three trips. When I got to Speed's that morning, he was like, I owe you! You were right, I can't have that woman here. She would've taken advantage of me and I wouldn't have been able to say no and before you know it, she and I would have been back together just like that. I was like, dude, please! I am moving out! I don't care! You don't have to lie to me about your sex life. Soon, I will be a no factor in your life. He went on and on, attention seeking about something that's based on nothing. Then he asked me what's up on my side, what have I been up to. I told him absolutely nothing. He asked what I am doing, with luggage in my hands, on my way to the door, I told him, 'nothing, just chilling!' and walked out. Around midday, I was doing my last trip. Speed was home. Again, he asked what I was doing, I told him nothing really. He was like, Brook, you're obviously moving out, where are you moving to? Have you found a place? I told him that's something he should have thought of before he gave me a  week's notice to move out because he wants to have sex with his ex. 'She's not the reason I am kicking you out. I will not even have a roommate once you move out. I am so done with roommates, blah blah blah' Kiss my s, Speed, I don't buy it!

As I was about to walk out, a few minutes before the bass came, he told me he wasn't going to let me carry all that stuff by myself, he'd be damned. How Romantic! Seeing as that was my load, and he was there the entire time I was moving, much much heavier stuff, now all of a sudden he was concerned about my well being, now that I was really leaving and wouldn't tell him where I was gong. He was curious! He wanted to see where I was moving to. I told him, I was ok, thanked him for the offer and went on my merry way. As I walked out, he rushed to the car and waited for me there. I didn't care. He called and was like, come on! Let's go, I'm waiting for you! What a psychopath! To think that that man was weird from the first time I met him when he tried to give me a kiss till the very last moment I saw him! Gosh! I ignored him and just left, he ran towards the stairs, where I was headed, gave me a long, gross hug. I was so ready to leave, ugh! He then tried to kiss me in the mouth, EEEEEEEeeeeeeewwwwwwWWWW!