Saturday, May 10, 2014

Russian Roulette

Day after I accepted the money from Jon, the new roommate. The other guy texted to find out if the place was still available. I told him it was taken. Turns out, he would have taken it!

One of the guys who came to view was part French, part Spanish, part LordKnowsWhat, cute as hell. He was a tad bit taller than me. He also had a nice vibe about me. He was my first choice. Unfortunately, he had a few other places to view before making a commitment. He sat on the spare bed, we got to know each other a little bit. I was mesmerised by his beauty. He has long-ish hair, just the right length, green/hazel eyes and the most amazing skin. You know how hot mixed people are! I texted him the following day, he still had one more place to view. He texted me later on, telling me he found a place. He went with a studio that turned out to be in my apartment building. 'We are neighbors! You should come over for coffee or something!' He said. I had mixed feelings about that. I have a hot neighbor, yay to that! But then, I was screwed cos I just lost what could have been an amazing roommate. #ItIsWhatItIs

As you well know, I found a roommate, Jon. He happens to be from the same town Handsome is from. Five hours away from Los Angeles. I told Handsome this, we'll call him James. He was excited, he wanted to meet him. I told Jon this, he was like, 'I think I have reached the limit of straight guys. I don't need to meet any more straight guys!' Awkward. I even tried to get Jon to share some of his weed with James. He was like, man, you must like this guy, weed is expensive, I'm not sharing it with some guy, just cos you wanna bone him. That wasn't the case, I am not the girl for meaningless sex. Meaningless what? Sex? What's that? At this point, I don't even know what that is and how it's performed. I hope it's just like riding a bicycle - Mind you, I don't know how to ride a bicycle. No pun intended.

James and I chatted for the first few days until he settled in. Then the conversation fizzled. I think we mutually forgot about each other. I kept going to TV shows. Judge Judy, who I adore. If you watch the show, you may have seen me on some of the episodes, Dr Phil, Arsenio Hall, Queen Latifah, Chelsea Lately, to name a few and a whole bunch of sitcoms. I saw and met a lot of celebs I have watched over the years over there. One who sticks out is the black guy from Felicity and Scrubs, Donald Faison, Seth Green, Nick Lachey (Jessica Simpson's ex hubby)'s wife, Vanessa Lachey, she is a tv host. I got to talk to her, she loved my big, afro hair. Gorgeous girl, but I'm team Jessica All the way. What can I say? I love her shoes and bags, nail polishes etc. Don't judge me, I shop at Ross!

One morning, After having been with one casting network for almost a month and not having been booked the entire month by them, I saw a notice for a rush call. A rush call is when they need people on set within an hour of sending out the notice. They had a phone number in the email which I called. They booked me on the spot. It paid good too. I was excited. the shoot was an hour away. I jumped into the showed and rushed out the door. It was for a commercial. I got there nice and early but not as early as he hundreds of people who got there before me. No electronics, please leave them in your car. Sure, will do! Only, I don't have a car! They kept preaching how they were not kidding, they would kick us out of we were caught with cellphones on us. Sht. I went and kid mine where the sun don't shine. Use your imagination!

I went back to the line looking ever so guilty. I needed my cell and I wasn't going to hide it under a random tree or a rock and break it. Plus, I didn't know anyone on set that day even though there were hundreds of people. Eventually, I cracked up a conversation with some girl who is 'one of the few original LAers' Like I care. I'm an original African 'American', so what? Anyway, I guess she is proud of that. She told me that they had very strict security, they found cellphones in people's crotches and shoes the previous day and they kicked them away. Sht! They're definitely going to find mine. I need this gig and I need to keep working with these people. She told me I could just tell the staff that I took the bus, they would hold my cell for me. Turns out a lot of people did that. For some reason, the lady forgot to mention that when she was busy threatening us about getting fired. I left my phone with them #whew

They searched us thoroughly and put us on buses to a secret location. That location was The Santa Monica Airport. There were 1 300 of us, I was told. Count em! That's a lot of freaking people! We got into some hall, they did sound check. Some people had already been there the previous day. It was a three day shoot. An Italian girl I was standing next to had been there the previous day. She asked if I knew who was performing. I was like performing? I thought this was a commercial! She was like yeah, that's what they tell everyone but it's a secret, so you can't tell anyone on social media or anything like that. It's Youtube. I was like Youtube? Yeah, Youtube! Ah ok. I guess she meant it was a Youtube commercial.

We were there for what could have been an hour when a short guy with glasses came onto the stage. I was asking myself, who is this short man with attitude, could it be Pitbull? I looked closely, OMG It's Bono from U2! (Youtube, get it? Damn Italian Accent!). I was so excited, my day couldn't get any better. We got to hang out with Oprah's friend, what! When the people around me saw how excited I was, they told me I could move closer to the stage, they didn't mind, they had been there the previous day. They all but a couple who made out the entire day, didn't mind. So I got to watch U2 sing and that couple make out all day long. all in a day's work! U2 was doing a video of their song Invisible. By the end of the day, we all knew the lyrics to it haha. Check it out on youtube and know that I was there :). It officially debuted during the Superbowl so it was a big deal, hence the secrecy.

He had this swing like mic that he would hold onto and swing towards the crowd, when he did, I made sure to spank his ass haha. When he got back on stage, he said, I felt something in my ass. I was like that was me boo haha. I got to spank him a few times. I am not not gonna touch Bono in what could be my only chance of doing so, sorry. I've come too far not to take advantage of that. It was an awesome day, they fed us good, there were bagels and coffee (which I don't drink), snacks, fruit and warm lunch. They did good for a company that was feeding more than a thousand people.

Lunch time, we all went out. I had my lunch, then on my way to get a piece of fruit, a really cute guy came to me looking ever so excited! He game me a hug, I knew I must have died and gone to heaven. Listen, I am pretty lucky in general but not that lucky! I blinked hard, to see if I was dreaming and realised, I wasn't. It was James! Dude is fine as hell! It's the kind of beauty you don't get used to. He was booked for the same gig! I knew he was an actor but I mean, I didn't expect to see him there. It was nice to see him. He asked how I got there. By bus of course. He drives so he offered to give me a ride that night. I told him not to wait up because there were so many people there, we could lose each other and I didn't want him waiting forever for me. I could just take the bus back. He told me where he was parked. He was going to wait for me for ten minutes from wrap up time, then leave. That was the deal.

I went back in after lunch, his group was sitting outside. It was freezing cold. January, still winter. They had heaters though, so they were well taken care of.

We wrapped up around ten pm. It was a very long day. Call time was around 6am. During lunch, I met a nice Russian lady. We got on like a house on fire. We ended up hanging out together inside, talking about all kinds of things, and men. She told me I have to go out on 100 dates before I find the one. She challenged me to go on all the dating sites I could think off and search, search, search. If I did, she told me, I could get married by the end of 2014. Not one to back down for a challenge, I went, YOU'RE ON, BTCH!

That night, Russian Roulette and I went out. She has  a car but everyone is packed by the beach where we were supposed to meet up in the morning, they were going to take us back there in buses. That's where I was going to meet James. They had our cellphones. We had to wait in line forever. Well, I waited in line while Russian Roulette was collecting all the left over food, sticking it in huge bags that she had brought with her. I was so embarrassed for her. I turned a blind eye. What was I gonna do? As soon as I got my cellphone back, an hour after we wrapped, I already knew James must have left, I just wanted to call and tell him, I would be fine. The bus from Santa Monica to Downtown LA, via Hollywood operates 24/7. I was going to be ok. As soon as I turned my phone on, he called. He had left me messages telling me he was waiting for me. I wasn't sure what time he had left them because, well, my phone isn't that cool. It only shows the time you turn the phone as the time the message came through, that's it.

I took the call, he told me he was still waiting for me. This was more than an hour and a half after we finished up. He was the first group to leave, I felt so bad that he had to wait for me. It was very nice of him. Of course, I was the last one to get dropped off. Murphy's Law. He had heated up the car, it was nice and warm inside. It was much colder outside, it being midnight and right by the beach and all. I got on the car and couldn't help but stare at him. I thought to myself, maybe I could follow him to his room and thank him 'properly'...














Thursday, May 1, 2014

Gonorrhea Treatment


New year, no issues! Time to find a roommate, FAST! I had posted an advert on Craig's list almost as soon as I moved in but people were busy with the festive season. I hoped that when everyone was back in town, people would wanna come over and check the place. They did indeed. Some were contacting me from out of town, they wanted to move two months from the time the ad was up. I couldn't wait that long, plus why would you wait for someone who hasn't even viewed the place?What it they had a few places lined up for them?

A number of people came to view my place. It's in Hollywood, so when the out of towners come to see it, they expect it to look like the movies. They want it to look like Beverly Hills, Hollywood Hills or Malibu, sorry boo. Just Hollywood! The very first guy who came to view was from Texas, he had only moved to Los Angeles the previous night. I met him at the main entrance of the apartment, he was so scared, he was shaking. I asked if he was ok, he told me, 'This is not what I expected'. You would swear the guy just saw a ghost. Dramatic Much? He told me he googled the neighborhood, apparently a few blocks down the street from me, is a very dangerous neighborhood, Lemon something. According him. I assume he meant Lemon Grove. He told me never to go there and also told me to move out of my place ASAP. I was like, what are you talking about? I just moved here last week! I'm not moving out!

A few more people were that way, they looked at West Hollywood, which is more towards Beverly Hills and a much more expensive part of Hollywood and expect this to look like that and yet they want to pay the price I am charging. You get what you pay for boo. Why don't you move to WeHo then if you're to fancy for my neighborhood? Shoot! A few people were interested but had a few other places to view. A lot of those were looking for their own bedrooms. Mine was a studio to share. EVERYONE who came to view my place was male! Where my female roommates at? Gees! A guy named Jon (that's what we'll call him), emailed me, he was  a 38/39 year old gay male, blah blah blah. I was interested because, no offence to my gays but he was the closest I could get to a female and the age group was matured so I was hopeful. He came over the following day to view, liked the place. He uses public transportation, we have a bust stop right by the apartment so that was a plus. He was moving from not too far from my place anyway, so he is familiar with Hollywood, he is gay, so he knows West Hollywood AKA the Gayest part of Lost Angeles. He told me he was going to arrange for someone to move him. He would pay me then as well. Oh and when he got here, either his perfume smells very strong or he had been drinking. We're still awaiting verdict on that.

While he was here, he told me about his life, his family, his friends, his then rooming situation. He lived in a two bedroom apartment where there were two people per room, so there were four of them in total in the house. His roommate wasn't talking to him. He was being a jerk blah blah blah. Not to everyone out there: When you meet someone you are hoping to have any kind of a relationship with, leave out the negative! Don't tell them about the mean people who will no longer talk to you or your Aunt Rose who is such a bitch, you had to hit in the head with a pot. Ain't nobody wanna hear that! It makes people's guards go up, they can't help but wonder if you are not the one with a problem. Some will use that against you in future when you have an argument.

Jon would then text me that evening, telling me what he's up to and with him. Don't you just love it when someone refers to people you don't know by name as if you know exactly who that is? He texted me for the following two days. No word as to whether or not he was still coming. He was just talking about himself and his life. I had to ask him what the deal was, was he still interested or not? I kept the ad up. I couldn't just assume I had found someone without him having paid yet, right? Another guy came over to view, he seemed to have liked the place, we clicked, it was great. He was going to sleep on it and let me know the following day if he was going to take it. On his way out, Jon came by to pay. I was over the whole thing of having to be available to show the place, I wanted my life back. I took the payment, gave him his keys, and we were good to go. He took a few more days to move in. He couldn't get hold of his friend who was going to move him. He was planning on sneaking out of his roommates. Apparently, he didn't pay deposit there, so he could just leave without them owing anything. I wanted some kind of security deposit. It wasn't much, just a little. He paid me that. He told me that they were about to get kicked out of the old place. Apparently, some of them were not paying, so they were in trouble. The notice for eviction in 7 days was pushed under the door while Jon was home alone. He stole it. He wanted them to get a surprise of their lives when they got kicked out. I thought that was malicious but then again, I don't know the back story so I just thought to myself, I had to be careful about the guy, he had  a mean streak.

He had a ton of stuff! Bag upon bag, upon bag! He had a nice pair of boots that was supposedly special so he thought that had to go on top of the microwave which itself is on top of the fridge. I was like, yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. He wanted the microwave, which he doesn't use because he is all about being green and saving the planet, in the bedroom, right next to my bed. I was like, I don't think that's gonna roll. What exactly are we doing here? Shoes in the kitchen and microwaves in bedrooms?

He unpacked some of his stuff and left the rest in suitcases in front of his bed. I ain't kidding ya when I say the dude had a lot of stuff. He told me that wasn't everything, he had some at all his friend's places. We got along fine, we had tons of laughs and long chats about Hollywood and men. He is also a transplant from five hours away. He had been here for a while though.

He is on a gay hook up app called Scruff. He met a lot of men there. We would always have someone new to talk about.

Did I mention that just after he moved in, he told me that he was talking treatment for Gonorrhea? Apparently he got it from someone who gave him head at a club. You know how it got to someone's throat right? Can the church say eeeewwwwwww! Of course, I ran and bout all kinds of disinfectants, anti-bacterial this and anti-viral that. I don't know if gonorrhea is contagious and how but I wasn't gonna take a chance. The only person I know who had gonorrhea (untreated) is now mentally disturbed. Apparently, he cured his STD successfully. Without spreading it to me, might I add. He told me that he learnt his lesson, he had been a slut and was done with all that. That was a wake up call for him to only be getting his first std at that age. He was so terrified, he even called and told his very conservative father. Haha, poor parents. #awkward