Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Queen Latifah Show

I continued to go on TV shows. Good Fun!
I called Jen the week I moved into Speed’s. She was disappointed that I was moving out of Man’s and that I wasn’t ok with watching him sleep with prostitutes. I guess she was hoping to live vicariously through me. My bad! She told me that she had a feeling I liked Speed that’s why I was moving in with him, she even assured me that I was going to sleep with him. Well, I had no intentions to and even if I did, it was none of her business. Sorry I didn’t sleep with your ex that you tried hooking me up with. My bad on that too!

One morning, after work, I had a strong feeling to go to the Queen Latifah show. I had never been before. It’s a little ways away;  a little more than an hour by bus. I had work that night, I thought it best to go to the first show taping at 11, so that I could get in a few hours’ sleep thereafter. I took a quick shower and headed to Sony Studios in Culver City. I was excited to finally have plucked up enough courage to go to the show. I was excited to be seeing the Queen for the first time. I remember in South Africa, my acting agent always sent me for Queen Latifah type roles. One of the casting directors in Randburg used to call me Queen Latifah. It was about time I saw this person with my own eyes! I followed my GPS, took the first bus across the street from my place, then another one thirty minutes away. That one took me up to 5 minutes away from Sony Studios. Everything is exciting to me here. A lot of the times when I go somewhere, it’s my first time, so yeah.

I arrived there, mind you I didn’t have a ticket. I had applied for a ticket to the show but not for that day. I was just following the feeling I had inside that day. When I arrived there, there were two long lines that went on forever. I asked if I could hang around until they’re done loading audience, to see if they need one more person. They told me I could. There were other people there that were doing the same thing. One of them was a lady  I had done background with before. She was a nice lady, Peruvian. She was there with her husband that day. They were also standing by. I was so excited to see a familiar face! Her husband is pleasant too. He’s American, he had recently been to Africa on a three month Safari/Business trip. He showed me pictures. It’s amazing the kind of pictures non Africans come up with from Africa. I don’t know anybody from Africa who has those kinds of pictures. Anyway, we all waited outside for the longest time.

Eventually, they took in all the ticket holders then they came to us and told us that they had a full house, they would take us in if we wanted to wait in the holding room and watch the show on tv. I thought to myself, I have work tonight, I haven’t slept a wink, I didn’t come here to watch Queen Latifah on TV. What the heck is this? I asked my soon to be friend if she though I should wait, she told me yeah, let’s all, we will get laptops today. She was just saying. I thought, sure, why not. We went in. The guest was The D Lister herself, Kathy Griffin. Love her! Alas, I only got to watch her on tv! But just knowing that I was in the next room to her, was nice enough. You take what you can get, right? She played some games with Queen, one of them had her revealing a Christmas gift for everybody in the audience. EVERYBODY WON HP LAPTOPS! The audience was jumping up and down for joy. We were not part of the audience. We had been told beforehand that we were not going to get any of the gifts. I tell ya, it ain’t fun watching people win gifts. A few minutes later, one of the Audience co-ordinators came to us and told us WE WERE ALSO GOING TO GET LAPTOPS. In fact, we were going to get all the gifts that day! It was the Christmas show! We all won up to more than $1700 (R17 000) in prizes! Can you imagine! I couldn’t believe my luck! Of course my friend never let me hear the end of the fact that it’s because of her that her husband and I stayed that day. And she foresaw that we were going to win laptops. We got HP laptops, Silver necklaces with the piece sign pendant, a face cleansing thingy, a nice smelling candle in a great reusable candle stick, a nice knife from a TV Chef who was the guest that day, ponchos, cashmere blankets, pots, one year Netflix, tons of popcorn, the best in the country, that was shipped to our addresses, a tower of snacks, that was shipped too, I got mine last week; all kinds of decadent snacks, nuts, choc brownies, popcorn etc, a Bluetooth speaker shower head, that’s like the coolest thing ever, never again will I not hear music while in the shower, what else? That’s all I remember. It was an awesome day. We left late that day, fortunately my friend’s husband’s friend was going to pick them up, they gave me a ride to my place.

I was so late,  I got home, took a quick shower and begged Speed to give me a ride to work. He did, that was nice of him. That night he sent me a text telling  me not to ask him again blah blah blah. See if I care, I just won a ton of gifts from the Queen Latifah show. I felt like I had just been to the Oprah show that day. I told Client that night when he asked me how my day was and what I did.

I had since been two more times to the Queen Latifah show, one of those episodes, we won snakeskin  iPhone 5 cases worth $150. The following one, the guest was Trace Adkins (sp???). Love him and his amazing baritone from Celeb Apprentice. He performed Little Drummer boy. We got the CD and Queen Latifah’s CD as a gift that episode. I played  little drummer boy all week long. And the week after! The following day, I went to the Chelsey Lately show (E! If you have Cable or DSTV). Guess who the guest was? Trace again! By then I was singing along to the song, he didn’t perform but they had it playing the whole time before and after the show. It was a nice treat to get to see him two days in a row!

My colleagues were always late, night shift is the only shift that worked 12 hours, the other two shifts split the other 12 hours amongst each other. I always showed up on time, I use public transport so you have to be early. I would sometimes sit on the bench outside Client’s place and smell the roses while waiting for my clock in time. Day shift would be up to 30 minutes late relieving me in the morning. It wasn’t cool. Client didn’t do much about it. He had to have someone there at all times, so I had to wait for my relief. My first week there, he paid me for the overtime. Second week, no such luck. When he didn’t pay me, I told him I would no longer be able to stay longer than my already long 12 hour shift. 

I got booked to do background work by an agent I have been dying to work for for a while. I was going to be off the following day. I finished work at 8am, would have to go home, more than an hour’s trip, get changed, then head to the studio. My call time was 9am. I was never going to make it. Before I committed myself, I thought I’d get to work first and ask Client if I could leave early the following day. I asked him and he said yes. I was so happy. I texted the agent back and told here I would be there. I was so glad to finally get booked by this agent, I thought I wanted to make a good first impression so that she could keep booking me. Who knows? Maybe I would get to quit that lousy job and just do background work. Something that feeds my soul. Client had friends over, they had their ‘bible’ study group. They left a couple of hours after I got to work. Client called me over to his room, he told me that he just remembered that he will need me there the following morning, I won’t be able to leave early. WHAT? I told him, I was sorry but he had already agreed and I had committed myself and I wasn’t about to cancel on that agent. That was the last thing I needed! He got excited and started yelling, talking about but this is your job, it has to come first! You can’t leave me here by myself! If you are not going to stay until 8 tomorrow morning, you might as well leave now! He started making phone calls to his friends and everybody. He has a baby monitor so I heard everything from the other room. He was telling everybody that I wanted to neglect him, he wanted them to come in and take over blah blah blah. I don’t think anyone was available at such short notice. Thing is neglect is a big offence in that line of work. I could lose my licence if he reported me. He doesn’t have anything else going on in his life, he would totally report me to the Health Dept.

He called me back to the bedroom and asked if I was really going to desert him the following morning. I was fuming! I hated the position he put me in. I told him I needed a minute to think about it. That to me was the final nail in the coffin. I knew for sure after that day that I was on my way out. Out of desperation, I texted Speed, told him the story, he told me that he was willing to pick me up that night if I wanted to quit with immediate effect. I told him that I would work that night, I thought it was better if I was going to work my entire shift but I needed him to pick me up the following morning at 8. He told me he would make an exception. That was very nice of him. He offered to bring me a change of clothes, which was even better. He really went out of his way for me that night. He was on the phone with me trying to find an outfit for me for the following, he couldn’t find matching socks for me, so he lent me a pair of his own socks. He even brought my wig haha. It was really very nice of him.

I told Client that I would stay the entire shift. He thanked me and apologies for the inconvenience. I didn’t care. It was too late. I was so tired that night and just drained from everything. I put him to bed and passed out in the other room. He called me in the middle of the night. Apparently he called me more than ten times and I didn’t hear him. When I heard him, I thought it was the first time! He told me he was freaking out, he thought I had left. I told him I had given him my word that I would stay that night, and that’s what I was going to do. He called me again after a couple of hours and I didn’t hear him haha. It was bad, I was really tired that night. And he needed more more than he normally does at night.

That morning, I used his wet wipes to freshen up and rushed out at 8:00am on the dot. Speed was waiting for me outside with my change of clothes. He got out of the car and let me change, had a smoke, got back in the car and wanted to talk about us. Looorrrddd! Not that dead horse again! He took me to set. When I got there the job was cancelled. We still got paid but it didn’t happen after all. I was still glad I made it! From then on, I was officially in that agent’s books. Yippee!

Saturday, February 22, 2014


For someone who fell in love with me at first sight, Speed sure seemed to have fallen out fast! He didn’t want to talk about it. I asked him to explain to me why he didn’t agree with my idea of letting me first see the utility bills before paying for them. He told me ‘because I say so’. Just like that!  I was about to take a shower and head to the bank. I was going to give him the amount that he wanted for peace sakes but he didn’t even want to hear me out. He just wanted me out. Like the plague! I couldn’t believe it! He was getting really worked up, I had to walk away. After the shower, he saw me walk out, called me back and asked if I was just going to act like I didn’t walk away from him while he was talking. I told him he wanted me out, I was going to move out, it’s his place after all. I told him that I was willing to pay him the money as he wanted it, I just wanted to talk about it. I thought as grown ups, we could talk about stuff like that, especially considering rent is the only thing that brought us together. If he wants to talk about relationship and doesn’t want to talk about rent, we have a big problem. He explained that the previous roommate(/girlfriends) he had had the same argument and ended up not paying for utilities at the end of the rent. I was like, first of all, I am not them, secondly that’s what happens when you sleep with your roommates, things get complicated, thirdly, I am not going to sleep with you. He was like, how horrible a person must  I be that you can’t even consider dating me? I told him that it had  nothing to do with his character, it was a principle thing for me that I don’t sleep with my roommates. Plus he’s not even cute, so please! He’s not the kind of person you want to break your own rules for. AT ALL! He apologised for losing his cool, asked me to stay, gave me a hug and aimed for a kiss. Uhm, WTF!?!?!?!?!? This is not a romantic moment! We’re not a couple! Get it already!

That afternoon, he had work. He called me from work, asked how I was and whether I wanted to go out that night to a nice restaurant and maybe a movie. I guess he was taking me on a date. My treat seeing as I was to pay him rent that evening. I told him I had plans that night. I didn’t but whatever! He seemed let down that I turned him down. I was like, dude, I have my own life and plans, we don’t have to do things together just because we are roommates. On the contrary, actually, I didn’t want to do anything other than room with him, even that I was over already. It got weird fast.

I worked Sunday to Thursday nights and had Friday and Saturday nights off. I thought that was a nice schedule. I got paid Friday morning. That was cool too. It’s not like I was going to go out every weekend on shopping sprees or anything, it was just nice to have money every week, that’s all. I did some background (i.e. extra) work in the day time, for which I got paid cash, daily. That was nice too! I would put my money away, you have to be careful with money especially when you are so far away from people who know and love you. More so with my track record. Just in general.

I got paid the first week, had the weekend off. I went back to work on Sunday. Client asked if  I would mind changing schedule, instead of having the weekend, he wanted me to take Wednesday and Thursday off. I told him I’d think about it. Speed and I were more civil towards each other every day. He harassed me less and less the more he saw that it wasn’t going to happen. The sex thing, I mean. I tried to keep it simple, I didn’t want him turning around and blaming me for leading him on. Every now and again, we would talk, I would tell him what’s going on at work, he’d tell me about his ‘women’ for example, Paris hilton’s sister has a crush on him. Heidi Fleiss, the Hollywood Madam who was also on Celebrity rehab had a crush on him, women from Beverly hills, loooooveee Speed. But he doesn’t want any of them, He wants me. Yeah sure #EyeRoll
When I told him about the change in my schedule, he wasn’t happy at all. He told me that if I had my off days during the week, it would be a problem for US because then we really would not see each other. As It was, I was working every night and going to TV shows in the day time but at least I had the weekends off from both work and TV shows. If I was going to work weekend, he would never see me. I thought that could be a thing! For us not to see each other. Also, it didn’t seem as if I had a choice with the schedule, someone was quitting or something and Client had to reshuffle the schedule. I agreed. I lost a day’s work in the reshuffle. That’s what it was, nobody was going to do anything about it.

As a night aide, I would nap on the bed in the living room when Client went to sleep. The bedding reeked! You know the smell of sweaty hair + Hair product + body odour+++ I couldn’t deal. I would throw a jacket over the pillow to protect my face for that mess. I further asked if I could wash the bedding, Client reluctantly agreed. He told me the bedding had never been washed since he bought it, Lord knows when! YYYUUUCCCKKKKK!!!! I washed it as soon as he agreed. The washer and dryer were downstairs in the same apartment block.
I got really tired as time went by, not getting enough sleep in the day time, doing background work and working nights was getting to me. Whenever I would be out, I would get tons of messages from Speed complaining that it had been whatever number of days that we hadn’t hung out, what’s the point of living together if we are not going to spend time together? I know that was a rhetorical question because if he really wanted an answer, it would’ve been, ‘to save on rent!’ Blah blah blah blah blah, complaints complaints! You would swear he was my wife or something, Gosh!

At any given day, there would be three aides working, morning, afternoon and night (me). Client was bedridden. There would be dishes in the sink, trash in the kitchen and bathroom, the cans would be overflowing, I would take it out with me on my way home but that got tired fast. I mean, I would have to take out the trash my first night back from my off days. Not cool. I didn’t want to be that person who complains to the boss, so I decided to just handle my night shift, whatever I found there, I would leave there. There was no hand soap in the bathroom, you know with that kind of work, you have to have antibacterial soaps all over the show as well as hand sanitizers because you don’t want to spread anything, either from you to client and vice versa. At first, I thought they had run out but after a week, it didn’t look like they were going to replace it, so I asked him to add those to his list. He told me he wasn’t going to go to the store anytime soon, and asked me to buy them on my off days with my money, he would refund me. I am not big on those kinds of deals, give me money, I will buy what you want and bring you back your change. But I made an exception because I was doing that for myself more than anybody else. I got them from the Giant Dollar Store for close to nothing. I got the sanitizer, soap and hand lotion. I gave him the receipt. He paid me back just less than what he owed me. He either didn’t look at the receipt and just paid me what he felt they should cost or whatever, I don’t know what’s on people’s minds! I didn’t ask for the rest of it because as it was, I had to keep reminding him to pay me back, so I was like, this is not gonna happen again. He doesn’t pay me for my time anyway, my time when I am not at work is mine, not Speed’s, mine! Not long after that, he wanted me to buy him pills from the pharmarcy, he gave me money, I bought them for him. He didn’t want them, he thought they were too expensive and told me he can get them for a buck from the dollar store, of course, I wasn’t going to be the one getting those for him. I wasn’t going to be the person who bought those kinds of pills all over the place and be seen walking around with them in my purse, sorry. Plus, If you tell someone to buy you something from a certain place and they do, don’t tell them, they would have gotten them cheaper elsewhere, YOU are the one who told them to go to THAT place to begin with!

The job of a Nursing Aide is not that fun, you get to do for someone everything they can’t do for themselves. Some of those things are meant for them to do in private, some of those things smell, but you get to do all those things, no fun at all but it’s gotta be done! Apparently, I was better at doing most of those things for my client than all his other six or so aides, so he made sure to wait it out until I came in and made me do everything under the son to him. Imagine the most grosses things anyone may ever have to do. Hint: It could be considered sexual by some! ‘

He got borderline obsessed with me doing those things to him. One day, I was standing close to him working on his groin area, he looked me in the eye and said, in a creepy kind of voice, I feel weird when we get this close! EEEWWWWWWWW! I was like, say what? He repeated, I’m thinking that was a rhetorical What? You pervert! When he said that, and the way he said it, I knew I didn’t want to do that job anymore, especially for him. I had to think of an exit plan. I wasn’t going to be harassed at home and at work. Client also asked if I could work Christmas day and the night before. He wanted me to spend those days there working around the clock. He was expecting people, his other aides all have families, they wanted the time off to spend with their families. He thought he’d ask me because I don’t have family here. #PoorMe. I told him I’d think about it.

I told Speed about the latest at work, the creepiness etc, he got livid! He told me I had to quit that job, that is not what I signed up for. He was willing to drive me around to hospitals and facilities to look for a decent job. I wasn’t about to accept a favour from Speed. I had asked him one day to drop me off, he did, then sent me a text telling me that if I just want to be platonic roommates, I am no longer to ask him for favors. I had offered to pay that night, he told me he wanted me to take me out to a movie and dinner instead. First of all that’s more expensive than gas, secondly, that’s waaayyy more expensive cos that’s time with me, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to take this random middle aged man on a date just because he took me to work, come on now! A for Effort though! He would go on to do things or say things (Speed, I mean) and then turn around and send me texts to the contrary. Like this one time, I made friends with a half American, half Nigerian girl I met outside the Judge Judy show. She lived close to Speed’s. I was so excited, we wanted to meet up again and try going to another TV show together. I went home to change, Speed was home. I told him about the girl. I had told her to wait for me outside because I didn’t think Speed was going to appreciate me showing up with someone. It shouldn’t have been a problem because I lived there too and had paid but I just didn’t want drama. Speed was ready to whine at the drop of a hat, I didn’t want to give him something to whine about.I ended up going home very late that night, around 11. I was off the following day, so I did my best to keep myself occupied and out of the house and as far away as possible from Speed. My phone  was off during the show, when I turned it on, I had a ton of messages from him, complaining about my not spending any time with him. I didn’t respond. I thought he just wanted to get all that off his system, so there, he got his chance!
 When I got home, he was sitting on the couch  waiting for me. When I walked in, he sat up and looked like he was ready for war. The couch was my bed, so I guess I wasn’t ready to go to bed according to his thinking. How do you go to sleep with an angry man sitting on your bed almost at midnight? I sat down, he was like, ‘Look, Brook!’ That was his line. Once he said that, I knew he was about to whine. ‘blah blah blah blah blah’ I told him, it had been a long day. I was tired, I really wasn’t in the mood for another argument. Can you imagine being married to that man? My gosh! I asked him why he thought I should give him a chance, what he had done up until then to impress me and get me to want to go out with him but try to make out with me out of the clear blue sky or just complain, complain, complain! He told me not to worry about it, I obviously didn’t appreciate all that he had done to impress me. I didn’t care, I just wanted to get the heck out of that apartment and never ever see his face again #puke

The following morning, I got a text from my Colombian friend (South America) who lived in Ontario, California. She and a friend of hers were going to be in Hollywood. He wanted to meet up. I was excited, I hadn’t seen her in more than six months. They were going to do some things on Hollywood Boulevard which is down the road from Speed’s. I told Speed that my friend was going to kbe in the neighbourhood. I asked what her plans were for that day, I wanted my friend to come by and see where I lived. He asked if it was the friend I had told him about the day before. It wasn’t. He told me that he could tell that I was in love with the new girl I had met the previous day. The half Nigerian girl. He didn’t think it was fair for me to bring girls to his apartment and sleep with them on his furniture while he can’t bring anybody because he’s in love with him, and yet I keep telling him I am not ready for a relationship. Meaning, if I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with him, I couldn’t be with anyone else. Plus, who on earth told him I was going to sleep with my girl friends? What kind of sick, twisted mentality is that? Can’t people just be friends? Just because he sleeps with his roommates, doesn’t mean I sleep with my friends, WTF?!?!?!?!? He told me that we had agreed because it’s a small space, we were not going to have any body over. We never did! We never had that conversation! I told him that, and he called me a liar again. Telling me that I conveniently forget things to suit myself, he was convinced we had had that conversation.

He had had a car accident with some celebrity lawyer the week before, he was on his way to meet up with the lawyer, he kept telling me that he was about to have a lot of money. I think he was trying to lure me in with his $1 500 N word, Please! Really! I may be from Africa, but you gotta do better than that! You’re a 56 year old Male who is sharing a studio apartment. You’re not rich! Far from it! Quit playing! Not that I would date him if he were rich, he just creeped me out. Everything he did wasn’t attractive to me. EVERYTHING! And he was very pushy, I just didn’t like him like that. In fact, I wonder if I liked him at all. I also don’t think he liked me like that either, he was just taking advantage, that’s all. He didn’t do anything to show that he liked me, it was all about him, taking what he wanted, and forcing me to be his, for his own good. He was trying to make sure I didn’t even have friends so that I would be stuck with him text book psychopath. I wanted no part of it!

He got all dressed up for his meeting with the lawyer, I was on my way to the store, he offered me a ride, I told him I’d pass, thanks, I didn’t want to pay for it later. He complained about that. That I’m saying he bitches and moans when we’re together. I was like, all I’m saying is I’ll walk to the store, thanks, that’s all! He insisted, I was like, screw it! I got on, when we got on, he lit up a cigarette. He’s a chain smoker. He had promised not to smoke in the apartment. In fact, he told me he doesn’t smoke inside. I caught him a few times, chilling, smoking and deep in thought. Or I would come in just after he smoked and smell the smoke everywhere. Anyway, I asked to be let out the car, I didn’t want to be in there to begin with, now, I have to inhale his second hand smoke. He apologised and complained about how he has to go through all these changes for me, he can’t smoke in his own apartment (N word, you don’t own the apartment, you’re renting the place just like I am, quit saying it’s your apartment!), or his car, he can’t do this, can’t do that. I don’t have to make any changes in my life! I was like, you think I’m happy? He told me, I get it! You’re not happy because I didn’t want you to bring your friends over so you can have sex with them on my couch. I was like, never mind, get me out of this B*tch! He stopped on the side of the road and was like let’s talk about this. Why won’t you be with me, Brook? BECAUSE I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!  I gotta go now! He told me I could bring my friend over, Just the Colombian one, he didn’t want the Nigerian one there, he was sure I was in love with her and was definitely going to sleep with her if I had her over. I was like you think I want to sleep with this girl, which on its own is a whole another blog, why am I being accused of being a lesbian? Oh, I get it! Because I won’t sleep with him, I must be a lesbian cos nobody can resist THAT, right? Anyway, I thanked him and walked away.

He called about five minutes later and told me that he is a good person and that always backfires on him. He was tired of being taken advantage of by people he loves, I was NOT to bring anybody over to his apartment. That was HIS apartment and we had agreed that no guest because we were going to focus on US, blah blah blah yada yada ya! I said, ok, bye and hung up. He called again, I said Speed, you’ve made your point, you changed your mind, which you have the right to do. I will call my friend and tell her that they are no longer allowed at my place, my roommate, who owns the apartment, changed his  mind, simple! He was like, don’t start with that reverse psychology, I know all about that, I was married for 10 years, I know the tricks! I DON’T WANT TO WALK INTO MY APARTMENT AND FIND YOU HANGING OUT WITH THESE PEOPLE WHO I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH. I HATE THESE PEOPLE. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE MEXICANS BLAH BLAH BLAH. I said you know what, They are my friends, you don’t have to have anything in common with them. I had to hang up. He was trying to get me as worked up as he was. It wasn’t worth it. He’s not worth it. He’s such a drama queen, you have no idea. This is a middle aged man who had been married three times, who have kids that, not surprisingly, are not a part of his life. Instead of obsessing over being with Brook, you’d think he would save that energy and work on being part of his kids’ lives. He never talks about his kids, ever! I don’t care, I’m just saying!

My friend and I ended up not meeting up because their schedule was tight. I had never asked them to come over to my place, I thought I’d talk to Speed about it first, good thing I did because It didn’t work out.

Speed told me that he didn’t like that I was working for that man and touching his genitals when I won’t touch his. He wanted me to quit. He was willing to support me until I got another job. He would do anything to get me the heck out of that place. I thanked him and told him I would quit when I was ready to. I didn’t want to do it because he was over it, I had to do it when I was over it which I was, but I didn’t want him telling me what to do. Plus how was he going to support me when he couldn’t afford to pay rent in his studio apartment that he was so proud to claim when it suit him? Him and I had a crazy relationship as roommates, the last thing I needed was to depend on him. Could you imagine?

Sunday, February 09, 2014

Move out! NOW!

I moved to Speedy’s just before the end of the month to Speedy’s. He had told me I could do that and didn’t have to pay since his then roommate move out early. He told me that he just needed help with rent for the winter, otherwise he can afford the place by himself, ‘he makes good money’. If I hear someone (who doesn’t make good money) tell me that one more time, I swear I will drop dead. Gorgeous. Get it? Haha. He told me that he was so happy to have me there, his previous roommate is deaf and dumb, he was happy to have someone he could talk to, without having to use hand gestures and writing everything down. The previous roommate was a bubbly girl, she was very friendly, regardless of her disabilities, she looked like she was in my age group, she was chubby, like me, and all that. I found that rather interesting. She was a black girl. Speedy is a white older man, 56. Anyway, as we got to spend more time together, talking, I learnt that he always had a roommate, roommates always ended up being live-in girlfriends. Which somewhat explains the honeys and why he tried kissing me twice already. Speedy moves fast! He didn’t have anything nice to say about any of his exes (ex roommates/girlfriends), which made me wonder. The one who moved out before me had apparently moved in just before the end of the month, her story was very similar to mine. He told me she (like every girl he comes across) tried to ‘get’ with him. He wasn’t interested, he didn’t want to involve himself in a complicated relationship with a deaf and dumb person. YEAH RIGHT! And I’m Mother Theresa! Are you kidding me? The writing was so on the wall that it was the other way round and she wasn’t interested, he is always ready for a relationship. Thirstiest man I’ve ever met! One day while browsing through his pictures on his phone after he had asked to take a picture with me, I saw a ton of similar pictures of him with other black girls my age group, including the girl who moved out before I moved in.  It was creepy actually! What was I gonna do, I was already! All I had to do was spend as little time as possible at home, and start looking for another place. Let’s count how many times I moved last year alone;
January 2013 – Lived downtown LA with Elvis
February 2013 – Lived in Ontario with Mae
March 2013 – With the Chinese woman for a week (then back to Mae’s)
March 2013 – Salt Lake City (Utah with Cindy)
May 2013 – Salt Lake City with Laura
June 2013 – Grey Eyes for a few days
July 2013 – with The Roommate who owned the place
October 2013 – in a hostel in Hollywood
November 2013 – with Man in Hollywood
Novemver 2013 – with Speed in Hollywood
And already, I had to find another place to stay because it was clearly not going to work out with Speedy. Don’t you just envy me all that packing and moving and adjusting to new surroundings only to move out a month later? I know I would if I weren’t me.NOT!

Speed told me that I didn’t have to use the couch, I could sleep on his bed, he didn’t mind. I had just gotten the job with the client and was working full time, five times a week. I worked nights. Speed ‘worked’ day shift. He told me we could share the bed, especially seeing we slept different times of the day. I wasn’t interested in that idea. I move more than enough and have lived with enough people in the past year alone to know what will work and what won’t. That wasn’t going to work. At least not for both of us, maybe for him but I didn’t move in there for that kind of a relationship. I thanked him but politely refused his generous offer. How Chivalrous of him! He told me that he hadn’t watched TV since the previous girl moved in because she never left the house, she was always lying on the couch watching movies. His couch and his tv, she rented the couch from him. I don’t know what the terms were, so I wasn’t about to get involved. I told him that he should take one of the chairs from the dining room or buy another one because he tells us that we can use the couch when we moves in and is so fast to flip the scrip on us once we get there, it doesn’t make sense.

The couch is pretty long, It was probably 6ft, I’m  5’4”.  I told him to squeeze in below my knees when he wants to watch tv but I wasn’t going to sleep on his bed with his smelly s blankets. He seemed offended that I wouldn’t take him up on his offer. He thought it was the most normal thing ever for random strangers to share a bed. I didn’t. What do I know? I’m just a girl from Africa.

He played me some songs on the guitar and sang for me. His band does The Beatles covers. He’s not a bad singer, only problem is he suffer from shortness of breath, so when he sings, he sounds like he’s about to cough. He would come for a hug after serenading me. I didn’t feel comfortable with that, so I would be too tired anytime he wanted to play me songs. I just didn’t feel like bonding with him, not at that point of our relationship, not ever! I wanted to pay on the first of the following month, so that when the fit hits the shan (get it?), we wouldn’t have problems regarding dates, and times of moving out and all that. He told me it was month to month from the 1st of the month until the 1st of the following month. We talked about rent, I told him that I was waiting for my check from Utah, which I was, I told him I would pay him by the first for sure. He told me that I would have to pay for the last few days of November as well. I was like, uh, you told me that I didn’t have to, that’s why I moved in early, otherwise,let me move back to Man’s where I have already paid for November and move in on the 1st. What kind of a weirdo am I dealing with here?

He told me that he was attracted to me, he was happy that I moved in with him, he was convinced we would definitely make it work, blah blah blah, he told me how good a person he is and how he has taken care of previous women he has lived with. He was married three times, the third wife wrote him a letter after the split, he read it for me, I was so rolling my eyes as he read it, I really could care less. I needed him to read that letter for me like I needed  a hole in my head!

He asked what I thought of him. I told him, nothing. I wasn’t thinking of him. I really wasn’t. I also told him that I am not looking for a relationship, definitely not with a man I pay rent to, to me it’s like he wants me to pay him for sex and that just doesn’t make sex. He must think very highly of himself for him to expect me to pay him for sex. That was a first, even for me. And I’ve gone through some stuff in my life! He told me I misunderstood, he loves me blah blah blah, don’t care!

I was on my way to the back to withdraw rent money, I asked him about utilities, when he expected me to pay for them. He told me he wanted the whole amount at once, in advance. That didn’t make sense to me. I told him that it only made sense if I waited until he got the bill, showed it to me and then asked for my share. I don’t care what my share would be, I just want to see what I’m paying for. He got livid! He told me to move out, it wasn’t going to move out. He told me he would rather live in his car than have me pay for utilities when the bill came out. He told me I was a liar, I had agreed to pay for everything in the beginning of the month. I never did! I had asked him how much utilities usually amount to, he told me $50. I said ok. That’s it! He told me, I can’t fool him, he has a very good memory. I was lying to him, I was trying not to pay him the fifty bucks, blah blah blah, "move out NOW!"