Friday, May 08, 2015

Moses, Part The Water

Charlie and I were still texting. It wasn't anything serious, just texting back and forth and emailing. I have exchanged more texts and emails with that guy than anyone else in my entire life! He promised to take me on a real date. One day, on his off day, he took me to the movies. He picked me up on the bike. He already had a helmet for me by then. He got me a cute black one. Interestingly enough, his was white. Racist much? Haha. 
Outside my place in Vegas

My amazing helmet, so comfy inside and oh so safe!

We went across town on the bike. That thing was flying on the freeway. I had never been on a bike on the freeway before. And I don't have much faith in his driving skills, so you can imagine me screaming in his ear, 'IT'S TOO FAST! SLOW DOWN, CHARLIE! OMG SLOW DOWN!' The rocks from the freeway were hitting us, it was such a rush. A great rush! We finally made it to the theatre, I told him it's ok if he wants to pick a movie, he picked Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, or something to that effect. Not my kind of movie, but it's ok, any movie is fun to watch at the cinema.Charlie bought us drinks and popcorn. We enjoyed the movie and then off we went to lunch. The weather was interesting when we got out of the theatre. It was drizzling on and off. Charlie has this thing of giving you a ride on his bike and then halfway there telling you that he has never had a passenger before, so he feels like he might lose control and crash. Or telling you, he has had an accident every week for as long as he has owned the bike. Will tell you there just before you hop on the bike on your way back home! This time, he told me that, he hoped the road wouldn't because one of his tires is smooth, he's been meaning to replace it. He can feel it sliding all over the place as he rides. Like WTF Dude! Are you trying to kill me? I told him, I had my bus pass with me (I always do), should the road get wet, I will take the bus and catch up with him at home. I mean, what is this? Till death do us part? Heck no! It's not that deep! (that's what he said haha)
About to feast at the buffet

We made it to the casino where we were going for a buffet in one peace, thank goodness. I took a picture of my food as  I always do, Charlie asked me to take a pic of him as well, then I saw him take a picture of mine, I think he sent it to his friend and was gossiping with his friend about me, I heard him giggle throughout as he was texting. He was probably chatting with the fat pig friend. I didn't want to entertain that. It did piss me off though. I enjoyed the sausage more than anything, it reminded me of all the Boerewors from South Africa.
Speaking of which, my German Brother-in-law once asked if Boerewors is made of Boer, haha. Boer is a farmer in Afrikaans for those who don't know and wors is sausage in Afrikaans. I hope boerewors is not made from Boer, shoot!
Just meat for me please and thank you!
More Buffet! 
Desert. Nothing to write home about, I just sampled everything. Too full anyway

After dinner, we were in the parking garage when it started raining like cats and dogs. I told Charlie, I was going to take the bus. He said, ok, first let's wait and see if the rain will go away. I told him it didn't look like it was going to and the roads were already flooded; even if it would stop raining, the main problem would still be there, wet roads!
Our ride at the parking garage
We stood outside the casino, waiting for Lord knows what while Charlie was showing off to people who were going in and out of the casino for attention. One minute he was butting into their conversations, for some reason, he thought they were talking to him. Like these people are trying to get to the casino or their cars as dry as possible, why would they have a conversation with a random attention seeking person? The next minute, he was soaking his watch in water pools in the parking lot to prove that it was expensive and waterproof. Lordy!

The notorious Movado under water situation
Eventually, I let him go and headed to the bus stop. Within 20 minutes, I was home. The casino wasn't far from my place. When I got off the bus, I needed Moses to part the water, the streets were so flooded. 

By the casino before we left
Finally, I was like f*ck it! I walked right on the water. If I could swim, I would've.
Near my place. I needed to get to the other side of the street

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Little Drummer Boy

So, one evening, I decided, Screw it! Let me call Tortoise's Drummer friend or text him. I texted something along the lines of hey, how are you? I'm Tort's friend. He said to text you :)' and then I forgot about it. Life went on, two days or so later, he called. I've a bit of a situation with numbers, I can't get them out of my head no matter how hard I try. This dates back pre-cellphones, where you would have to write down someone's number and go call them on a public phone. When I say you, I mean I. I don't know what your deal is, maybe you've always had a cellphone! I would break up with a guy, or he would break up with me, which is more realistic and I wouldn't be able to get their number out of my head. That would lead to disastrous results. Long story short, I had deleted the text I sent to Drummer but when he called, just by looking at the last four digits on my screen, I knew it was him. I picked up. We talked for hours.

He told me that he hung out with Tort one evening after giving him a ride to his house because Tort had locked his keys in the car. Drummer took Tort home to fetch his spare keys. They then went back to Tort's for drinks and weed. They played some music, Tort on guitar and Drummer... well, on drums. Turns out, Drummer had drums at the back of his truck. Don't ask! He told me that Tort told him the story of his life, how he missed his children who for years were not a part of his life blah blah blah, but he never told him anything about me. Apparently, Tort just asked for the guy's number, wrote it down and called it a day. Well, Drummer says Tort did talk about me in passing, something about a female friend of his who is from South Africa, but that was it.

Drummer was glad I reached out. After he told me that he was not expecting my call, I felt like the thirstiest on the block. Oh well. He seemed like an easy going guy, he told me about his life, how he is rich, he retired not too long ago, withdrew all the money in his retirement fund and got a good sum of money from work as well. He was taking care of his ailing mom. When he said that, I lost my erection. Like, why does he have to stay with his parents? What a turn off! I didn't believe the rich part because who says they are rich?

We talked for an hour, got cut off, he called back, we talked for another hour, got cut off, then texted back and forth and agreed to meet the following day. He was going to pick me up from my place and take me to the bar. I was to buy him a beer, he was going to buy me Shirley Temples.
A Shirley Temple is a non-alcoholic mixed drink traditionally made with ginger ale, a splash of grenadine and garnished with a maraschino cherry.
That's for people, like me, who before this didn't know what a Shirley Temple is. For the rest of you, good for you! 

He was going to pick me up in the evening, he hadn't asked for my address, I thought that was going to happen the following day. We did have the entire day before the meeting after all. Never heard from the guy again! No phone call, no text, no email, no FB, no message via Tortoise, no nothing! And that's how the cookie crumbled! 

Tort and I hadn't talked for weeks. He sort of disappeared off the face of the earth. I wasn't going to dig around for him. Last time I reached out to him was via an email where I asked how he was doing, he replied, "y?" A Y he copied from me. I used that before and he asked what it meant, all of a sudden, he was getting me with the taste of my own medicine, good going, asshole!

When I didn't hear back from Drummer, it was what it was, I mean, what was I going to do? Call him? He called me after about a week and told me he had some splaining to do. I love all races but I can't stand it when a white person thinks it's cool to act black around me. Not cool! All all! Be who you are! Don't be a nuisance, also, I am not African American, so don't try to fit into my culture by acting African American, that's a no win situation right there! He told me that his mom had been very ill, he didn't even have his phone nearby, just focusing entirely on his mom. His siblings won't help with his mom blah blah blah. I'm sorry, I don't do excuses, or reasons or whatever you wanna call them! Could you not text me while sitting in the toilet? Or something? Come on! Don't tell me we're meeting tomorrow and then never contact me again and expect me to still be cool with you. Ain't gonna work!

I asked him over and over to send me a picture of himself, he refused, he refused. He was like what if I don't like how he looks. He just wanted to meet up, be friends, see where the whole thing will lead, which I was totally ok with until he stood me up. He wanted to know how I met Tort. I told him that we met on a dating site. He was like, whoa! You dated Tort! I told him, no, I didn't. We just talked and became friends. He jumped to a conclusion that I must have been open to dating Tort for me to give him my contact details and stay in touch with him that long blah blah blah. What a closed minded fool! Who cares anyway? I didn't even know what he looked like, he failed to meet me when he had asked me to, so what's the beef?

He couldn't be long on the phone, he told me he had just called to apologise. I never heard from him again. Like for real this time! I was ok with it. Whatevz. Maybe he and tort walked into the sunset and lived happily ever after with each other.

There's a dude that I met online. He was like hey, do you wanna go for drinks or something? This was the very same evening he first contacted me. I thought, this is my kind of guy, we wen't going to spend eternity back and forthing with emails and sht, but I had to politely decline and ask to meet up the following day in daylight. He agreed. He told me he rode a bike. He wanted me to meet him in a shopping centre near his house. Uhm, no?  Come to the Strip. That's where I was plus, it's the Strip, everybody goes there. He agreed.

I got ready that morning, he called me when he was on his way towards The Strip and when he had arrived. He told me he was on the corner of Las Vegas Blvd and Charleston. That was down the street from where I was, but where exactly are you boo? I'm not meeting you at the traffic light, this is not that kind of deal! He told me he was going to just meet me there, then we could ride together somewhere. I had a weird feeling about the whole thing. You know me, I have met people in all kinds of situations, that was a first, even for me! I walked towards the place. There's a Walgreens there, he was parked at the back of it. He was soooooo hot! I didn't see that coming! He had sent me some vague ass pictures, in one of them, all you could see was his brain! The camera was right in front of the nostrils. I am not sure what the intention of that picture was. Maybe he was checking if his nose was clean and didn't have a mirror. The fck do I know!

He was really tall, nice body, he would've looked hotter if he was riding a real motorbike. He was on a Moped. I am sorry, It's hard to take a grown man seriously on that girly bike. But that's just me! I did pose on it for a picture though. Why not, right?

He asked if I liked it, I  said I did because what else do you say? He took me for a spin on it. It was nice, two grown people squashed on a moped. What better way to enjoy Vegas? He then tried to steal a kiss. That came from nowhere. I thought he's cute but I am not understanding what's going on right now. So I smiled and told him I had to go. He asked if I didn't want to go back to his place. No, dude, I don't want to sit in this condensed situation with your for a minute longer, plus, I don't want to go back to your place at 11am. You're being ridiculous! He asked to see me again, I told him to call me

Sunday, May 03, 2015


"Don't ever walk away from me!"
I was like OUCH!
"Tell me you'll never walk away from me when I talk to you again!"
Ok, I won't! Fuuucccckkk!

At that point, I just wanted him to let me go. I didn't care if I swore under oath to things that I know for a fact were not true. I just wanted to be set free. Plus, I knew I was never ever going to be back to that house, so none of it mattered. He wanted us to talk about the fact that I walked away from him while he was talking. I wasn't in the mood for that sh*t. I was not in a good mood, it had just taken me more than two hours to get to his house, which is just 20 minutes away by car. I wasn't trying to have nonsensical conversation at that point. If he were such a gentleman, he should've let me vent, instead of cutting me off and being a hypocrite about it by expecting me to listen to him talk after he just cut me off. Who does that? What an asshole!

Eventually, I went to sleep. I was exhausted. First thing in the morning, hunter brought me coffee to bed, I don't drink coffee but I had a sip or two for peace's sake.
That's the actual cuppa he made me. You know me, I take pictures of everything.

 He made breakfast, we showered and watched movies. I am not a big movie person, I am a big person, just not a big movie person haha! When Hunter is watching a movie, he expects you to enjoy it as much as he is. Actually most people I know are that way. If it's their favorite movie, band, song, or whatever, they don't understand you to love it as well. I know that people don't like the kind of music I listen too, and I am 100% ok with that. You won't have me force my music down your throat, nah, what for? There are better things to have down your throat anyways... ba rum bum!
The dinner he made us my first night at his house; Pork, mushrooms and salad. Devine!

We had some snacks, watched tv, maybe filmed a sex tape, who knows? I can't remember haha.
That afternoon, Hunter cooked us dinner, he forced me to watch the movie because it's very good. As soon as he did, I got turned off. I just can't do things under duress. I did, however kinda watch. Towards the end, this was just after dinner, he was lie, "are you gonna wash the dishes?" I kept wondering what happened to the nice guy I spent time a weekend with before because that right there was a monster! I wasn't washing the dishes because, the Lord wanted me to watch the movie, but all of a sudden, looks like, your highness changed his mind about that! Instead of arguing about that, I just got up and did the dishes. As I was washing them, I think it dawned on him. Or Maybe he thought I was going to challenge him and argue, he was like, 'oh, no! Why don't you wait until the movie is over? I will help you with the dishes!' I thought to myself, this mutha f*cker doesn't know what he wants from me!
Breakfast, my first morning there. Check out that cuff off of a heart replaced with egg. How can you not go back for more?

I watched the rest of the movie, I couldn't tell you what the movie was about, it was ok, but I wasn't in the mood for it. Not with a gun against my head, I wasn't. When the movie was over, we got up and did the dishes. After Hunter 'helped' with the dishes, he went and said down. Before I could open my mouth and say it, he said, "And you say...?" Meaning, BITCH, YA BETTER THANK ME! Like his life depended on it. I thanked him, just in case his life did depend on it.

At some point, while hanging out in the living room, goofing around, he dragged me to the floor and did the thing he did the previous night; He grabbed both my hands and held them behind my back, I was like WTF, that hurts! Stop it! He came closer, had his face this close to mine and said, "I know you like it when I do that! Tell me you like it when I'm rough with you?" I just looked at him, there and then, it stopped hurting. It became mind over matter. I was not going to tell this random guy that I like being handled that way when I had been telling him the whole entire time that I didn't! I mean this isn't some, say thank you! Say please! Blah blah blah sht, this is my body, and if I tell you that hurts, it hurts, therefore STOP! He kept trying to have me say I liked it, I wouldn't. Eventually, he stopped.
Lunch, the day of this blog

That night, we had a nice evening, we sat outside on beach chairs, under the stars, he smoked weed and told me some long story about who knows what? I sat there and listened and enjoyed the view of his handsome face under the stars and pretended we were more than we were.
Hunter, fast asleep on my lap.You know, I love long hair on a guy. He even had a piercing on his eyebrow.

The following morning, I got ready, Hunter called me a cab. He had to go pick up his car from the mechanic, I had to go home, back to reality. He had promised to pay for my cab rides, he didn't pay for that one. Maybe, it slipped his mind, maybe not, who knows? I'll never ask. I may never even talk to him again, anyways! The cab dropped me off at the mall. I went to Walmart, bought myself the 8pc fried chicken tray and a full, grilled bbq chicken. Clearly, I was hungry, who buys that much ready made chicken when they live by themselves. Needless to say, all I had that week was chicken.