Thursday, December 25, 2014

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

After submitting the key to the maintenance guy, the office was closed. I said good-bye to my place. Not too long thereafter, my ride arrived. We had a nice drive to Union Station. No traffic, or any funny business. I dragged my heavy luggage all the way across the station to the bus stop. Not cute, but I'm used to that by now. Trust me! I was moving, so I was definitely not traveling light! I had to book two seats in order for me to check in two pieces of luggage. So I did. That was also going to guarantee me an empty seat next to me, which is a gem when traveling long distance.

  I was an hour early. I like being early, it took a lot of practice but I am finally there. Before, I used to make it just in time wherever I was going but it's so much better to be early. Nobody wants to be the only sweaty, out of breath person at the bus stop. In winter! You end up not even knowing if it's cold outside or what. By the time you calm down, you're freezing, it's a hot mess that I am so done with.

I love that they have outlets to charge our eletronics on the bus. That, to me is more important that wireless. which they also have but apparently no video streaming. Which, if I'm gonna use the internet on the bus, is what I would like to do. Some people need the internet though, so, it's a nice benefit. There was a bunch of teenagers in front of me, who where speaking Dutch. I understood 80% of what they were saying. They were goofy but I didn't want to be that creepy grown up who's laughing at their private conversation but I did ask if they were speaking Dutch. They were surprised that I understood them and were grateful it wasn't anything that was meant for their ears only. At this day in age, especially in big cities where there are always tourist, one should never assume that nobody else but you speaks the language.

Some guy was asking around for his bus. He wasn't taking the same bus as us. We had never heard of the bus he was looking for and in big cities like LA, Vegas, New York, you never know. It could be he isn't even looking for the bus. I decided not to even make eye contact. I didn't want to get involved. He had one backpack with him and looked like he just woke up. An hour later, it was time to get on the bus. When you check in, they give you a number. When it's time to board the bus, we go in according to the numbers on our cards. If you're nice and early, you have first dibs on where you would like to seat. If you're a bus taker like me, those things count. I almost always sit on the same seat though, funny enough. I have also noticed that even on the local buses here in Vegas, I seat on the same seats.

As they were loading our luggage, I noticed that the gentleman from earlier on, about an hour prior who was looking for his bus was still out there. He looked sad. I assumed he missed his bus. I had a feeling to approach him and find out if he's ok, so I quickly stepped out and talked to him. He was shocked when I just stood in front of him out of the blue. I think he was deep in thought. He told me that he had missed his bus and had to wait until 4pm for the next one. It was around 10am. Also, they probably were going to make him buy another ticket at 4, what it that bus was full? I wished him luck and on my way back to the bus asked the driver if they could let him use my spare ticket. My thing is, I don't make promises. I would rather surprise you. I wasn't gonna tell him I was going to get him on the bus, what if the driver was going to say no? I didn't want to raise his hopes like that. The driver was like, your ticket is so that you can take two large pieces of luggage with you; which you do, so no. I told him that the guy only had the small backpack with him, we could pretend as if my 2nd luggage is his and let him sit on the seat that came with my second ticket. I mean I did pay two full fares after all. The driver was kind enough to agree.  I was so happy . The guy wasn't even aware of what was going on. I went back to him and told him to come on. The driver was almost done loading too, so it was time to go. ! He brought his bag in and came and sat next to me.

Once we were settled in, he asked me what's going on. I explained to him. He was so touched, he told me that people don't do that kind of stuff anymore, he was humbled that I did that for a perfect stranger. I was like, well, I guess they still do! haha. He told me his story. He had just moved to Vegas from Chicago. He lost his job over there and everything. He had had a good job. He moved to Vegas where his fiance lives. Not too long after that, he got a job over in LA. He took it. The job was going to pay for accommodation and all that, so he didn't have anything to worry about. The whole thing turned out to be a scam. As soon as he could, he bought a ticket back to Vegas, that's when I met him. Poor guy had been through a lot. I was so glad to have made his day. I told him that maybe that was a sign that things were about to make a 180 degrees. He was very interested to hear about South Africa. He knows a lot about her too, he knows a lot about Africa and black history in general. Pretty impressive, actually!

We were both tired. He found an empty seat elsewhere and napped. I did too. When we arrived in Vegas, I was trying to figure out where to take my bus and how I was going to get all the stuff I had with me on. I saw him outside and said bye, he thanked me again and asked if I needed help with my luggage. He helped, I was so grateful. I wasn't expecting any of that. When we got into the station, his fiance was already there. They hugged and all that good stuff. He told me he would be right back. He took his fiance to the side, then came back and his fiance offered me a ride home. Can you believe it?

I was so touched, I could've cried. "People don't do that anymore", right? We arrieved in Vegas at 4pm. The guy was like, if it weren't for you. I would only be leaving LA now! His fiance is so cool too, she's a friendly chick. We exchanged numbers, she told me she was going to put her ear to the ground for me and help me find a job. That was nice to hear. They dropped me right by the main entrance of Hostel Cat on the Las Vegas Strip. I was so happy for that out of nowhere miracle. I mean, if you think about it, the guy didn't even become a burden, he hardly even used the seat next to me, I ended up by myself, so did he. That's why someone, when you are presented with an opportunity to help someone; when you have someone somebody else needs, just give it to them. Don't over-think it because that's when negative feelings like, what if, kick in. At the end of the day, you end up like me, being rewarded withing 5 hours in a way you didn't even see coming.

Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate it!

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Hardest Good-bye

As time drew closer for my move, I posted ads on Craig's List, selling whatever pieces of furniture I had. I wasn't taking all that with me! The first thing I sold was the Microwave, It was weird living without it but Carly could buy us one, she was moving locally, why not, right? I didn't suggest, I didn't care. Apparently, neither did she. 

I couldn't find a buyer for the beds in time. Carly asked me about buying one of both the beds. One of them, the one she used was a fold up bed. It would have been a good idea for her or anybody to have such a bed. You can always fold it up and put it in the closet or whatever storage when not using it and use it for guests. That way, people don't have to sleep on the couch. That's just me. I've always liked to be more than prepared. I told her that I would give her a good deal if she wanted to buy them. She couldn't look me in the eye when I said that. I had a feeling she wanted more than a good deal. She wanted them for free. That was not part of the lease! She was shopping for a bed online at the same time. She went to view one in Koreatown. She loved it and it was a steal! She told me that she would buy it that coming weekend. She told me that the couple that was selling it seemed well off. They didn't look like they needed the money, they just had a baby and needed the space for their newborn's crib. She was going to low ball them and see if she could get the bed for close to nothing. I tell you, when I heard that, I could've thrown up! I love a good deal like the next person but there's being a bargain hunter and being a slob. Nothing cute about the latter. Nobody likes a slob! I asked her if she left a deposit with the sellers. She hadn't. She just hoped that they would do right by her and keep the bed for her, with no deposit, nothing. Simply because they didn't look like they needed the money. I thought to myself, this girl has a lot to learn!  

The following day, she texted them asking if they still had the bed. When they told her they did, she started haggling. They agreed on the price she wanted. She then asked them to keep the bed for her a few more days. What a diva! I still can't wrap my head around the nerve of that chick! If I didn't have a lot on my plate, I'd have wished someone would buy that bed at the original price the nice people were selling it for, for the heck of it. Guess what? I didn't have to! Someone did! She came home sad that someone bought her bed. Whatever, blah blah blah, white noise! 

One night, she was talking about a friend of hers, they used to talk on the phone all the time with that chick. That girl gave her two black garbage bin bags full of almost new clothes when she had a baby. Like Carly needed them! More stuff for me to put away for her! She was ever so grateful to that girl. That girl soon quit the job where they worked together. I asked about the girl one night, Carly revealed that they are not really friends but she keeps her around because that girl has a big heart and Carly wanted to keep scoring from that girl. I was shocked and disgusted to hear that. Another friend of hers was about to move to San Francisco. Carly told me that she was going to miss her, she kept in touch with her because she was hoping that the friend was going to give her some stuff that she won't be taking with her when she moved to San Fran. Rude! What kind of a friend is this chick? I thought to myself, she has no sense of loyalty at all! Gross! I thought that she would do the same thing to me too. Why wouldn't she? We'd only known each other for two months. She knew those other girls longer than she did me.

She got herself a credit card from her bank. She needed money to pay for the new apartment. It turned out that she lied about her dad paying her rent for her. She was the one who was helping her dad pay rent back home. I am not sure why she lied but it is what it is. Her sister lost her baby back in Africa. Carly was so sad to hear the news. I asked her if she was going to travel to Africa, she told me it was going to cost her a lot of money. I get it, it's an expensive trip. I suggested she send some money, even if it's a hundred dollars, just to contribute towards the funeral. She was like, yeah, I don't know about that. She doesn't expect any money from me, so she'll be fine. Oh well, I tired! 

One night, she asked if I could give her $100 back from her $150 deposit and keep the $50 for deposit. She said I could just give her whatever change came from the deposit later. I told her that I wasn't going to do that. Security Deposit is for in case something happens by the time we moved out. We hadn't moved out yet. What if something happened between the time I gave her the money and then? She assured me nothing would. I told her, that's not why I charged her a security deposit. I paid it as well. I was going to be nice enough and give hers back as soon as I found out how much they were going to charge me at the apartment after we moved out. I wouldn't wait until I got my deposit back two to three weeks after moving out. I would give her hers asap. She didn't like that idea. I didn't care. She's too obsessed with being selfish. It's not that big a deal. Also, she ruined all my shit, what about all that? Who was going to pay for that? I am not her bank. This is not some reliable savings account. You fck something up, you pay! I am not those people that she did in day in and day out. I got her number and I wasn't going to allow her to treat me like that. And I was done being taken advantage of by roommates. She was too little too late. 

 I was going back and forth in my head about whether I should charge her from the stuff she ruined of mine or for our friendship's sake not do it. I had a headache just thinking about it because, why should our friendship cost me? When I kept hearing her say those not nice things about her supposed friends, I was leaning more towards charging her because that's what you do and she didn't deserve it. She was freewheeling her way through life and paying no consequences. I am not hear to change that for her. I just will not be a part of it. I remember one day, she went to do laundry downstairs. I had let her use my new white laundry bag. She dragged it all the way to the elevator and on the bottom floor to the laundry. Apparently, all the machines were used up. She came back and I saw her dragging the thing back. It was pitch black underneath. That was not my main concern because I expected her to wash it before she returned it. My main concern was that she was going to pick up bedbugs from the hallway and bring them into the apartment, a week before we moved out. Then I would have to get rid of everything because of that silly mistake. I wasn't feeling that. 

I made arrangements with Chris to go store some of my stuff at his place on his day off. It took me a couple of bus rides to take some pieces of luggage over to his. He had plans that evening, so he asked me to move the rest of the stuff day before I moved out. I was grateful to him for all that he was doing for me. I think he wanted me to split the job halfway, so that he would be able to spend time together at a later stage. He didn't want it all to end at once. Good Strategy Christopher! He wanted us to spend my last day in LA with him, I wanted the polar opposite! I was due to move on a Saturday. He wanted to spend Friday together. 

I went to my last show the last Monday of May. Divorce Court and @midnight. It was bitter sweet seeing everybody for the last time. Everybody told me they would see me in Vegas. It's a five hour bus ride from Los Angeles and less by car after all. I arranged with the office where I would leave the keys as I was moving out on a Saturday and the office was going to be closed. Carly wouldn't take a day off to sort out her stuff, pack etc. She worked all day and came home and watched Desperate Housewives on Netflix. #LaDolceVita 

My month started on the first of each month. Carly's didn't really because she moved in four days before the first and stayed those days free of charge. I didn't know she was the Queen of Self Entitlement then but I soon learnt. She asked if she could hand in the keys for me on the first as the month doesn't end until then. My bus was booked, And so was my bed at the Hostel in Las Vegas. I wasn't going to change any of my plans to accommodate someone who is being accommodate at the apartment that she was moving to as well. They had already given her the key a few days in advance there as well. She didn't have to pay all the money that was due because of her problems but she negotiated her way out of that too. Good for her! And me, because I didn't have to feel guilty about her not having a place to move to. She didn't have a bed yet, I had two beds that I was selling. She basically had everything she needed but her ridiculous sense of entitlement wouldn't let her take advantage of it. That's on her. I told her that the lease was under my name and I was going to return the keys when I moved out and that was that. If she wants to be the one returning keys, she should try having the lease under her name and bear the responsibilities that come with that. Plus why would I trust that she was going to do that once I moved out? I think that was another way of her trying to ensure that I paid her her deposit back. She probably wanted to use the keys as leverage. Sorry, boo boo, not gonna happen! You're knocking on the wrong door! She batted her eyelashes and pretended to be freaked out that she didn't know how she was going to get everything to her place during the night. I didn't care. I had given her three weeks notice. More than I should have. She had ample time. Desperate Housewives could've waited. Or Not, it's all up to her, really. I had my own stuff to deal with and that was not one of them.

I moved my stuff to Chris', he came by to help me. I really didn't want him to. He insisted as usual. As soon as he walked into my place, he game me the third degree about all kinds of stuff that had nothing to do with him. And would have nothing to do with me in 24 hours. He took a seat, I don't know why he was getting comfortable. We were on our way out. He asked if I could play him a song, or two or three. F*ck! I did. Song I'd never heard of. I pried myself in knowing music, all kinds. If I have heard a song before, I will recognise it when I hear it again. It doesn't matter if I last heard it when I was 3, or in the womb. Or in my past life. I tell ya though, the songs this dude came up with, I had never heard of. I never wanna hear them again, either. He got so excited when I told him I didn't know those songs, he wanted to educate me, and have me listen to more and more weird, songs. I was like, listen, this is the last song I'm playing for you. This is not why you said you were coming here. I will not waste time on this. Time is of the essence. He asked me to play me one more and then another and another one, until, I got up and walked towards the door. Screw it! You can't win with these people. They always want something! Their desires are unquenchable!

When we got to his house, I didn't stay, he wanted to have lunch. I told him no, I have to go and I walked out the door. He told me he was going to miss me, asked if he could come visit, his rich South African friend, who lives in Vegas invited him a long time ago. He wants to come see us both. I told him not to tell his friend about me. I want peace in my life. He kept pushing me to agree to him coming to visit. That's probably how he got that poor rich friend to invite him. I told him that maybe he should start by visiting his rich friend first.  He went on again about loneliness and how he has no friends. I got fed up and told him that if he polished up on his social skills, people will want to be around him. He kept cutting me off, going on and on about nothing. I was like, see, like now! You're cutting me off to talk about something you've talked about forever, nobody wants to listen to that. By Felicia! I gave him a hug, thanked him for everything and left. 

I headed back to my place. I had a few more items that needed to be taken to Chris'. I asked if I could take them there the following day just before I left. He offered to go with me to Union station and send me off. I couldn't have that. I had to cut ties. It was a matter of life or death at that point. He told me that he has a bus pass that allows him to rent a cab and only pay $3 to the driver. He told me he could arrange that for me. I told him that I was already set ride-wise. He asked who was going to take me to the station. Is it a friend of mine? Is he male of female? Is he black or white? Ohhhhh! #killme He said we could drop the stuff off with my friend on our way to the station, he could also come with us. I had to think fast to get out of that. Every time I came up with an excuse, he came up with a solution that suited him. Shoot! 

I had a number of people who wanted to buy the beds, I had dropped the price tremendously at that point. Problem is, people were working. They were going to be available the following day to come pick the beds up. I was leaving around 6 in the morning. It was just not going to work.Carly worked overtime the night before the move. She hadn't packed a thing. She had a modeling rehearsal the following morning like at 7. I get why she needed one more day but nothing I could do would help her. I wasn't going to even try.

I was beat that night, and finally went to sleep on the floor. I had cleaned up the apartment very well, and had put my bed on its side, to make sure nothing was left behind, under the bed or something. I must have been fast asleep when Carly got home and started packing. I didn't hear a thing. She woke me up when she was sleeping. I tear up just thinking about that moment. It was so sad to say goodbye to her. That moment, her waking me up in my sleep to say goodbye, and me not knowing if and when I would see her was like when I was a kid and someone was leaving, it happened so many times what with my family living all over the place. It was a too familiar unwelcome feeling. I literally just broke down and cried. She cried too. It was a sad moment. I never thought I would be that sad saying goodbye to a roommate. I have had the worst experiences with roommates and the worst chemistry, but I will say this about her, Carly was my best roommate so far. We just clicked from day one and it never stopped. She was like a sister to me. I hated her as much as I loved her. 

Hold on, I gotta wipe my tears and drink some water.........

Ok, whew! I'm back. By the way, Friday night, My Georgian friend/sister, came by to say goodbye. She and her daughter, who I adore, she is so sweet. They both are. they came by, called from outside. The plan was that I would go over to hers after dropping off stuff at Goodwill but I didn't have time to go there, so I just put the stuff in Paper bags and dropped it outside by a street pole at a busy intersection for whoever wants them to grab them. We talked for a bit, took some pictures and kissed each other nakhvamdis (goodbye in Georgian). I told you I know sh*t! Don't test me, I will surprise you! Over and over again haha.It was nice of them to walk all the way to my place when I couldn't go to theirs. She's a true friend that chick. Real as hell. 

Carly left around 5am. It felt like it was still midnight because I was so pooped. I walked her to the main entrance of the apartment block. She had a sh*tload of plastic bags with her. Apparently she had already taken some of her stuff with her. She had to rush to her new place, freshen up and then head for the modeling place. She was going to do runway. I really wanted to be there, but my wardrobe collapsed and I decided to move before that. What can I say? Life happens haha. That was a sad moment, but I had no time to wallow in self pity. I had to do finishing touches and get going. When she left she told me that two months prior, when she moved into that place, she didn't know that two months later, she would be so sad to part ways with me. She never knew that someone could have that kind of a connection with a roommate. I felt exactly the same way. Great! Time to wipe tears and drink some water again, be right back, yall...

Aaaanyway! I took the beds outside and dropped them by the dumpster. It was a hell of a mission, I tell you. I literally threw away my beds. I could've given Carly one, but the bed conversation just went weird, so.  I cleaned up where her bed was and her closet. She had left some of my household stuff she was using, ruined and broken, I guess for me to dispose of myself now that she was done with it. Later, I texted Chris and asked him to come pick up the rest of my stuff. He agreed. Bless his heart. He was at mine in no time. He lay on the floor. I was playing Brenda Fassie on the laptop. To celebrate our South Africanness. He liked that. For the first time since I met him, he went quiet and listened to music. There is a God after all! He asked if my friend and I could drop him off with the stuff on our way to the station. Here we go again! I told him no, we wouldn't be able to. If we were, we would have dropped the stuff off ourselves. I wouldn't have asked him to come all the way to Hollywood. It's not far but you know what I mean. He asked if he could hang out and listen to music while I get ready until my ride arrived. Oh Lord! I told him that he could hang around while I showered. As soon as I was done, I would walk him to the bus stop. I mean, seriously! WTF kind of person is this? You can never get rid of him!

I was praying that my ride not be early. I know for a fact, he would have been so forward and asked them to drop him off. It would have been helluva awkward. Soon as I was done showering, I got dressed in the bathroom. I walked him to the bus and bade him farewell. "Call me when you get thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

I ran back up to the apartment, 


Obama Care

Fortunately, I was able to get rid of Chris before walking into my apartment block main entrance. Whew!

We stood there for a minute, both wishing we were on the other side for different reasons. I stalled a little bit and bade him farewell until he finally got it through his thick skull that it was time to go by bye. 

I went upstairs to my apartment and continued packing. I must stay I've gotten really good at it, having moved 20 times in the past three years. Dang, I didn't realise it was that many times! That's not even including the one week stays here and there. My gosh! And to think I am making plans to move again! Aaaanyway!

I got a call from Rancho, remember him, the wife killer ? He was just calling to say hi, blah. I told him I wanted to see him. He half joked and asked if I was going to give him some. Of course, I said, yes. Clearly, I'm a slut, so let's play along! He was like, 'really?' I said, Sure, why not? He asked me to buy him soda, he was driving, he wanted to try and beat traffic, he would pay me back. Again, 'sure'! I didn't know if he was really going to come. Turns out, he really was on his way. That guy is serious about getting laid. I hadn't seen him in more than a month, maybe even more. He had lost weight, he looked a bit taller too. Not hotter, just less weight and more height, that's it! He couldn't look me in the eye. That is one guy, of all the people I've ever known in my life, who could never look me in the eye! I don't know if it's his thing or just me. He does have some kind of a lazy eye situation. That's not the issue though, cos none of his eyes make eye contact with me. 

We went to the apartment. He asked where my roommate was. As if to imply he was down for a threesome. Dude, come on now! You and I have never and will never even be engaged in a two some, why are you being so ambitious right now? I just told him she was at work, she would be back much later. He hopped into bed with his shoes on.I was like, really, right now? With your shoes on? He took the shoes off, and jumped back into bed, said he was feeling hot (it wasn't hot), he pulled his shirt all the way up, unhooked his belt and unbuttoned his pants. Dude meant business! He didn't drive all the way to Hollywood through LA Traffic to just hang out. He wanted to get laid! I pretended not to notice any of those shenanigans. I told him I was going to be moving to Vegas in a couple of weeks. I was fiddling on the laptop as I was talking to him. He, on the other hand was doing a strip tease behind me.

There is nothing more of a turn on, to me at least, than a guy who obviously just wants to get laid! Oh my goodness! That's like a guy who brings a condom when he comes to see you. Are you joking? Someone you have never ever slept with, brings a condom when he comes to hang out with you. F*ck you, asshole! I am not saying, don't be prepared but to come prepared to my f*cking house! Go be prepared elsewhere.This is not a whorehouse! What, you are so convinced I'm gonna give up the goods, you thought you were finally gonna use that ragged ass condom, you've had for years just before it expires? Fat chance! The last guy who did that to me in Georgia, had that condom opened up and stuffed in his mouth. Bringing a condom when you come over to my place, is like pushing my head towards your crotch when we make out. Like, WTF? Why are you trying to get head right now? We're just kissing, it ain't that serious? Take a cold shower, pervert! Just the thought of it, pisses me off. The thought that you think I want to suck your privates makes my stomach turn. You should feel honored I am letting you kiss me. Let's not get carried away now! Bye girl, bye!

After fiddling on the PC, and coincidentally playing music that Rancho likes. He was so surprised that a girl from Africa even knows those songs. I was surprised that a square like him knows music, like any songs at all.He tried to kiss me but I had already noticed that his teeth were kinda funky that night. Nothing is more of a turn off!So after fiddling on the PC, I turned around and said, 'let's go to the beach!' He was like, really? Am I gonna get laid when we come back? I said, sure! He got dressed. We headed downstairs to the car. I asked to pose for some selfies on our way out. He was driving the late wife's car, the SUV. We drove down Santa Monica Boulevard, that was street. It goes all the way to the Beach. I love night time drives. The lights make any town look amazing at night. I remember being out in Georgia for the first time at night. It looked amazing, we couldn't stop taking pictures. We were busy with training during the day for the entire week, so we could only go out at night. When we finally went out in the day time, we were like, uhm?!?!!??!!?

Rancho was yawning all the way to the beach, it wasn't cute at all. I was getting nervous. I've seen him sleep drive before. I wasn't in the mood for that again. And I felt bad because he still had to take me back home and then go to his place. As soon as we arrived to the weirdest, most darkest part of the beach, he made a U-turn and told me it's too late, let's go back. I said, sure. It was really late. I thought he was going to take us to Venice Beach where there's a lot going on. I didn't know he was gonna take us to that deserted part of town! On our way back, there was an accident, so we were stuck for quite a while. I felt bad, he was falling asleep. We made it back safely, in fact, he even took me to Mc Donald's for Ice cream. He's not cheap but that was the closest spot to where we were and he needed soda. I didn't buy it for him and he's diabetic so he gets thirsty a lot. When we got to my place, I wasted no time, I kissed him in the cheek, thanked him for coming and jumped out the car. Even Stevie Wonder could see that guy wasn't getting laid that night. 

He cursed at me via text on his way home. I didn't care. My roommate got home just after me. I told her about my adventure, we had a good laugh about it. She was busy going on dates, left, right and centre too. Even more so than me. I had slowed down. She was on Tinder, there's a lot of half naked guys on there. Not as many as on Scruff, the gay dating app. I saw that when I used to room with Jon. She had her bikini pics on there too, she's a model so, holler! Tinder is not my cuppa, that's one site or app, I've never been into. It seems more of a hook up site to me, kinda like Plenty of Fish. I want more than that. She went out with some cute guys, most of them are models. Tall, really hot guys. She's tall and really hot too, so it was only fair. One of the guys she went out with is a guy named Obama. She used to put them on speaker when they called. We would both discuss what she should say in conversations and had so much fun with them. She would laugh so uncontrollably, she had to hang up on them a few times and then lie and say she dropped her phone. I appreciated her naivety when it comes to dating. She would meet a guy, he would ask to go out, but then just before it was time to meet up, he would cancel. He wouldn't call for a week or more than all of a sudden call as he got home from work at night, and ask if she wanted to watch movies on Netflix at his place. Uhm, you have Netflix at your place, why do you have to go to a guy's place in the middle of the night to watch nextlix in bed when you can watch it in your own bed and not be harassed by some random stranger? Booty call alert! 

Some guys would ask her where she wants to go, I'd say for dinner of course! She would say, no, it's too soon. She just wants to talk, I be like then talk over dinner! Why not? People do it all the time! One guy was like, let's go to Starbucks. She asked what I thought about that. I told her she was asking the wrong girl because I don't drink coffee. Anyway, three of so times, with three different guys, they just went to the beach. It was cold and dark. I mean, it's romantic but it was a first date and the guy didn't even buy her a drink of water. When she told him she was thirsty, he stopped when they were near restrooms and told her he was going to wait for her while she went to drink water from the toilet sink haha! Big City dating! You meet all kinds of people. 

I told her she's too sweet for LA Dating, she needs to toughen up. A guy won't make you drink water from the toilet if they didn't think you would agree to that. By the way,  she didn't drink the water, they went to a fast food place and bought herself something. Obama is originally from Ghana. I think he was going to school in LA. Apparently, he's the shit in Ghana. I mean, the guy is a looker. I've seen his pictures. One night, Carly was talking about him. She hadn't heard from him in a while, he had cancelled on her last minute and then all of a sudden, wanted to watch Netflix in bed with her. I was like, call him. We'll figure out what we're gonna say when he picks up. Nobody every uses the calling part of cellphones anymore. All everyone does is text. Exceptfor Chris. The one person I wish would rather text than call. Or leave me alone, period. Carly called Obama, He picked up and sounded happy to hear from her. In our improvised conversation,  I told her to invite him to her upcoming birthday party at our place. Her birthday had already passed and she wasn't going to throw a party at all. Whatever, who is going to take a guy named Obama seriously? Especially after he practically stood you up? He was so excited, he told her he would definitely be there, and then all of a sudden, said the most absurd thing, that nobody every says in this century. He said, Alright! Alright! Alright! With such gusto too. Like who says that? I literally  went into shock! I looked at Carly like, how the f*ck old is this dude? She burst out laughing and had to hang up because we weren't about to stop laughing anytime soon. He called her right back, but she wasn't in a position to speak, still laughing! When she was ready, she asked me to please not say anything ever again when she is on the phone. I was like, but I didn't say anything, I just looked at you in utter amazement, that's all. She said, ok, then don't look at me at all. Haha. She called him back, they made final arrangements about the non party. Towards the end of the conversation,  I could tell they were wrapping it up, I whispered, Alright, Alright, Alright. She said it to him. HE SAID IT RIGHT BACK! What a doofus! He didn't know we were making fun of him. Poor Guy. That became our inside joke. Alright x3.

Rancho got over himself, we talked some more via calls and texts after that sexless booty call. He told me that he would be going on a family vacation to Vegas on the same day I was going to move to Vegas. I half jokingly asked him to take with him some of my luggage. He told me that they would be using his sister's rented car. Blah blah blah, white noise. He is always doing something with his'family'. If I were his girl, I probably would have some kind of a problem with that. But I'm not, so woulda, coulda, shoulda. He told me that he wanted to meet up that weekend. I agreed. I was going to arrive noon-ish, so would they, so we would have all day to figure out what, where and why and everything in between. He comes to Vegas quite often to gamble and apparently he wins a lot too. Nice for him.

I told Daniel that I would be moving to Vegas. He wouldn't believe me. He told me that I 'wouldn't move to Vegas, there's nothing to do there'. He told me he refused to believe me. Guess what? Six months later, he still can't believe I'm here. Talk about Doubting Thomas. What's next? Is he gonna wanna put his finger in my side and see the nail marks in my hands? John 20:24-29. What? I know the Holy Book! I may not look it, but I know my sh*t!

I told all my friends about my pending move and started saying my goodbyes to my close friends individually. Most of the people I told about moving, would turn around and tell me how they need to move to Vegas, how they have always wanted to move to another city altogether and the reasons why they have always wanted to do it. They would tell me that they think it's time for them to finally do it. Time for them to move to Vegas. It got to the point where I stopped telling people I wasn't that close with because even the ones I was close to were doing this, I didn't need to hear it from people I didn't care that much for. People were asking to add me on Facebook or for my number. They wanted me to tell them when I have settled down in Vegas so they can come visit to see if it's for them. Some would tell me to call them when I have settled so they would move here. If I need a roommate, to count them in. I was dying!

Wednesday, December 03, 2014

Can You Say Xhosa?

Of course, I never called nor texted to check if he got home alright. Why should I? He knows where he lives, he's lived there longer than he's known me. Why am I checking up on a 45 year old man? N word please!

I started looking at job opportunities and accommodation options in Vegas, getting myself ready for the move. I was excited! Something to look forward to! I told Carly that I was going to move out. She was really cool about it! She started looking for a new apartment as well. Like me, She didn't want to room again. She wanted to live downtown LA, she always has. She says she loves the architecture over there. I don't blame her. It's pretty over there, also, it's downtown, so it's pretty central no matter where you need to go. She was always looking for a job, a second job. When she first moved in, she had told me that her dad was paying her rent and that she moved to LA to pursue modeling and go to school. In the two months that I roomed with her, I gave her modeling links that I got from my friends and she never followed up on any of them. She kept asking me the same thing, she would ask for the contact details more than once. I eventually deleted them and told her to save them. If she didn't, she should please not ask me the same thing again. Geez!

She was on the phone all day, everyday, applying for jobs, 'Hi, is the hiring manager available?' I would even tease her with that line. She told me she wasn't sure what she wanted to do at school. She has always wanted to be an Architect but she loves to help people. I was like, wait, what exactly do you mean by that? I mean this chick is one of the most arrogant people I know. I don't know why she thought she is down to earth and loves to help people. She told me she's always been that person, she will give someone the shirt off her back. I still don't get what she meant by that, but moving right along... Also if she's such a person helper, help me clean up the mess after yourself! Charity does begin at home after all, doesn't it? She also wants to be some kind of a designer, she would love to be an interior decorator. I tried to help her make some of the decisions and also told her instead of going where the money is, she needs to do something she loves, the money will automatically follow. I don't think she was ready to register for anything. She was so excited with the possibilities to make money there and then that anything else would follow. I told her that getting two full time jobs was going to take time away from the main reasons she moved there, school and modeling. Like, when was she gonna have the time? She started crying, you know that deep belly cry? I was like are you ok, girl? Why are you crying? I genuinely wanted to know which part of what we were talking about brought her to tears. When she was done crying, I asked her when her period was due. She told me she wasn't sure. It started that night. I told her, to watch the hormones, they can mess you up and make you extra emotional. I know from experience. I have broken up with boyfriends because of the emotions that come with pms. It has gotten to the point where I try to distance myself from the people who don't quite know me before my period, because they will think that that's who I truly am. Some 'men' don't care, they will get emotional right there with you, in fact, they will outPMS you! You be like, boo, do you have a vagina too? What The hell!!!!!!

Chris texted me day after we met. He wanted to know if he could call me. If you're gonna call, call, if you're gonna text, text. Please don't ask for permission. This is redundant. 'Permission to approach the bench, you're honor?' this is not court. Seriously! He called first thing in the morning. It couldn't have been urgent. I hardly know the guy! I picked up anyway, intending to keep it short. He stutters some. Every time he picks up the phone, he goes, 'ha ha haha, ha, hi, Brook' I wish he would stop at the first ha. But then, I also wish I were skinny and married to a 6ft5 tall guy with blue eyes and long dark hair. Now what? He was so excited! He told me that he got me a job. I never told this guy I was unemployed! Apparently,  talked to his pastor who owns a bakery that is right next door to his Chinese church. He wants me to go for an interview. He says he told him that I am a good friend of his from South Africa, South Africa, South Africa. The pastor is excited to meet me. I thought to myself, you're nuts if you think even if I were unemployed, I would take this job! Like I want to work right next door to the church you go to all the time, so that I can be trapped behind the counter for you to come and use and abuse me. I'd be dammed! Plus, the pastor will expect me to go to church too, maybe that's going to be part of the contract.

Chris had invited me to his church. He told me he gets picked up by noon, to be ready around the same time, they would pick me up blah blah blah blah, nobody cares! I told him, sorry, I wasn't interested and asked him never to invite me to church again. This guy sure is intelligent for someone who is not! he has a way of coming up with the best plans that at first glance may seem like nothing, or even as if they are going to benefit you when really it's all about him. I told him that, I wasn't going to talk too long on the phone, let's continue via text. I was sick of his voice. There's something about that guy that makes people wish him dead. I feel sorry for him, can you imagine if you were repelling people? That's the worst! No amount of Chinese Church going will fix that for him. Maybe if he toned down the talking and the spitting. Maybe! He told me that he talked to his other friend who own a restaurant. They are Ethiopian, they love Africans. They are very nice people, they will hire me, if I am willing to meet up with them. I told him that's very nice, but I will have to think about it. He said he was looking for his old roommate's number, he wants to ask him for his ex boss' number. He will talk to that boss, the boss was from Nigeria and they are in good terms. He was going to ask him to hire me as well. I said,ok, that's it! I only just met you and you've told everyone about me! Please stop telling your people about me! I never asked you to help me find a job. I appreciate the gesture but I feel so overwhelmed right now! This is ridiculous! He told me he knows what it's like when someone is new in the States, he's been in my shoes. I'm like what shoes? You don't know anything about me! You are too self involved to learn anything about me. You just want to make yourself feel better by hooking me up with a job, something I will probably have to pay for for the rest of my life. No thanks, Chris!

He told me he knows people that can help me with accommodation. I was like is this dude high? I have a job AND a place to stay! What makes him think I was destitute? He had told me in one of those first meeting, I think the very first time we met, that he had been homeless for six years when he was sleeping on the bus. He was working in construction. I asked him why he was homeless, construction workers make a lot of money. More money than some office jobs. He wasn't listening, he just wanted to indulge in self pity, he went on about how Mexican guys were so mean to him. They called him Gorilla, they used to abuse him physically and verbally. I am surprised they never abused him sexually, he sure sounds like he was molested. With all due respect to survivors of sexual abuse. He has also told that when he was in South Africa, he had only slept with one woman. I don't know how much he had to pay that woman or if it was really a woman, the jury is still out on that. he was 30 years old when he moved to The US.

While we were at El Pollo Loco, he told me, out loud, in front of all those diners that he finds it hard to find a woman, even if it's just someone to have sex with . "That's why I just pleasure myself. When I say pleasure myself, I mean masturbate. It's better to masturbate. It's better to masturbate. It's better to masturbate" As they say in Afrikaans, Here, help my! (Lord help me!) What kind of over sharing is that? I don't want to hear that from someone I met three days prior! I don't wanna hear that from him EVER!

After a number of days, he texted me again and asked when he could arrange for me to meet his pastor. I told him that that won't work as I am moving to Vegas. He asked me if he can come visit me. I told him I hadn't even moved yet, I don't know what my living arrangement will be like in Vegas, so I can't tell yet, let me first move before you suffocate me with your demands! He told me that if I had extra things that I didn't want to take with me or couldn't, I could store them at his place. I was welcome to come spend weekends or a couple of days at his place when I have moved. I thanked him for his offers, and thought maybe I will take him up on the storage one. We met up a couple weeks before my move. By then, I was already living off my suitcase cos the wardrobe was kaput. He wanted to have lunch, well, he wanted to spend the entire day together, he arranged that we meet early. I told him I was packing, I was going to be available for a couple of hours that afternoon. I would also like to have a look at his place and see if and where I would be able to store my stuff. We went to a Sushi restaurant down the road from his place. He speaks some Korean, Japanese, French, English, Zulu, Sotho, Xhosa, that I know of. Oh and some Spanish. This restaurant has Japanese and Korean staff. I think they know him. I could tell by how they rolled their eyes as soon as we walked in. #oops.

He greeted them in some foreign language, they forged a smile and asked if they could help with anything. I needed to use the restroom, so I quickly told him what I was going to have and told him I would be right back. He was like, wait, wait Brook, wait Brook, wait Brook! Mam, may I please have the key to your restroom? Then he looked at me and told me that here in America, they don't say toilet, they say restroom. Then he looked at the ladies and told them that I am his friend from South Africa, we are from South Africa, South Africa. My friend is Xhosa, Can you say Xhosa? Xhosa! Xho-sa, can you say Xhosa? One of the ladies rolled her eyes and helped the next customer. The other one looked at me, I shrugged and asked for the toilet key. She told me they don't lock the toilet. Chris interrupted and asked her where the toilet is. I would have been embarrassed but why should I? I'm not the one acting an impatient, forward fool.

I went to the restroom, when I got back, before I could utter a word, Chris, who was still standing by the counter, said, 'I haven't ordered yet. I wanted to wait for you! I wanted to wait for you! I wanted to wait for you!' I asked why he wanted to wait for me, I had told him what I wanted. He told me he knows I did but he though he would wait for me in case that's not what I wanted. He asked me to take my time and make my choice. I tell ya, I was dying! My insides were turning! This is the guy that will ruin your appetite all day, everyday. Can you imagine! He asked me if I wanted to eat at the restaurant or take the food home. I told him I wanted to take it home. My home. By myself. I was ready to go. While we were waiting for the food. I told him let's sit. I didn't want to be in front of those ladies anymore. I felt bad for them.

He told me he was thirsty. He got up. There's a water cooler right by the counter with paper cups and napkins. It's obviously a self service situation. But not to Chris! He waited until someone was available to help him. He stood right in front of the water and the cups and asked them for water. He tried to say it in Japanese or Korean, who knows? They rolled their eyes and pointed at the water cooler. I was dying. He got himself some water, then came back to the table. We waited what felt like forever for the food. Simple because of the person I was with. He came closer, (I moved further), he tried whispering and pointed at an Asian lady across the restaurant. There are mirrors on the restaurant walls so the lady could see us. Even if she couldn't, what about other patrons who can see this strange man pointing at this poor woman. I was like, OMG don't point! Don't ever point! He said, oh okay, then went on to tell me that he has a crush on that girl. He though she was beautiful. I said, why don't you go tell her? He said, well she has a ring on but that has never stopped women. Women are very promiscuous, they sleep with other men on the side, even though the are married. I said, please, enough of this offensive talk. Try and be quiet until we leave. They called our order, we were out of there.

He went on and on on the way to his place. I lost it! I told him he needs to not talk for a while, I had had enough of his spitting. I even asked him if people don't tell him that he spits A LOT hen he talks. He just said, oh ok. We got to his place. It was my first time.He showed me around. He also asked me if it looks clean. He knows it does. He told me he cleans for four hours every Thursday. You know, because I need to know that. He showed me all his storage space. He has ample. I was happy about that. I told him, I had to head back, he asked me to sit and eat with him. He was literally standing on top of me, telling me how to eat Sushi, and how to dip shrimp into dip, as if I don't know that. I covered up the food and asked him to please walk away before he spat all over it, because if he talks while he is on top of me, he will spit on the food and I will throw it all away and he will have wasted his money. He said, oh ok. That's what I like about you, you are very upfront. I told him, soon he will hate the very thing he thinks he likes about me. I mean, how can you say you like that someone is being rude to you in your own home? He was lying, just sucking up.

He talked and spat on the food, I asked if she wanted it because I was no longer going to eat it. He told me he has his own food. I threw it away. Then I used that awkward moment to leave. He walked me out. Fck, there's no winning! He begged me to order something from another restaurant on our way to the bus stop. I told him, it was really ok, because he was going to spit on that too, so what's the point. He wouldn't let it go, until we went in there. I ordered some chicken, then he said let's sit there and eat. Fuck, I'm getting a headache just going over this. Do you have a headache yet? We sat there. I had ordered three small chicken pieces, and two sides. He tried to cover up his mouth as he was talking. Literally! And I could see he wanted me to praise him for doing that for me. No, dude! Nobody is going to give you an award for something that we are all expected to do. You don't spit on people! That's a thing! You're not getting a star on Hollywood's walk of fame because you managed to not spit on me for 2 seconds. He kept saying, see, I covered up my mouth so I don't spit on you. I asked if he wanted to make a bet. He told me he's a Christian, he doesn't make bets. Plus, he has a lot of money in the bank, it wouldn't be fair on me for us to make a bet, I wouldn't afford to pay him. Can I get a Hahahahaha?

I timed him. Within the first 20second, I saw a big drop of spit escape his mouth, flying in slow motion onto my beans. It was so big, it probably had a reflection of the entire restaurant. Soon as it landed.I told him, I'm done! I threw the food away. Sorry mom, I know there are starving kids in Ethiopia, but Even they wouldn't want to eat Chris' spit drenched food. I said, let's go! He said, oh, I am so sorry Brook. I feel so bad. I don't think you care about my feeling, why are you doing this to me? You can see I'm trying. I told him I can, and I appreciate it, but that doesn't mean I should eat spit. How about my wishes of not having him spit on me? He told me it's a problem he was born with. I said, well, I can't help you there. All you have to do is slow the fck down and swallow in between words. It can't be that hard. Outside the restaurant, I bade him farewell. He asked if he could come help me pack. I told him that wouldn't be an idea (because I can't stand his ass and have been trying to get away from him since we meet), because I need to know where I have put things, especially seeing as I wasn't taking everything with me. He told me he would ask be before he put things away where I wanted them.I mean why is this dude insisting on coming to touch my underwear? Yuck! I told him that would be a waste of time and where was he gonna sit? There is no room for guests and I didn't want my roommate to come home and find him sitting on her bed. She came up with all kinds of ideas. I thought you know what, this one you ain't gonna win, Lucky Number Seven! He's so used to ramming himself down people's throats, he expected to come on top in that one too. No pun intended :). I wasn't going to have him come to my place at all. It was not gonna happen!

Halfway to the bust stop, he told me he has a secret he would like to tell me. I looked at him and he looked scary. There was a look I couldn't describe in his face. I though he was going to tell me he killed the last person who said no to him. I asked if it could wait, I didn't want to miss the bus. He told me it couldn't. Fck! He Came close (I moved away), he tried to whisper that he has a problem. He gets really depressed, and when he does, He feels like killing himself. he didn't feel like being alone that day. He thought we were going to spend the day together, please can he come home with me.I told him, that wasn't a secret. A lot of people get depressed. I had a lot I needed to do at home. I really needed to go home. I ran towards the bus stop, he was side by side with me. I asked where he was going. He told me he would take me as far as the bus stop. As soon as we got there, the bus arrived. Thank you stars! He asked if I had a bus pass. I told him, I did. He got on the bus with me. Whew!

I asked where he was going. He told me he was going to come back with the next bus. He wanted to spend more time with me. I thought to myself, I might have to come up with another plan for my stuff. This ain't gonna work! I need to cut ties. On the bus, he came close and was telling me about a woman that has been using him for sex. I was like, seriously, Chris, I can't right now! He wouldn't stop. He told me that the girl taught him how to perform oral sex. You know that was not for his F*cking benefit. The girl was trying was trying to get her some, that's all! He spent a lot of money on that African American woman, who won't work but lives in a nice neighborhood. Apparently, she's in West Hollywood. She uses man, blah blah blah, she's a slut, no, she's not a slut, she's a whore, she's a whore, she's a whore. I said, that's rude and disrespectful. How dare you speak ill of the only person who will get your ass laid? You should worship the ground this woman walks on. Time to get off! I jumped up and was right by the door before the bus was even close to my stop. He jumped right up with me. We got off together. I got off, ran across, he ran with me. F*ck! I lived right by the bus stop, so it was about to get interesting. I crossed the street, he was supposed to cross one more time to go to the bus stop, but he didn't. He followed to the door...

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

Everybody Hates Chris

After my poor wardrobe gave in and fell on top of me in the middle of the night, I got up and got it off my bed. It was a bit of a struggle. Carly was, she also heard the bang sound. She watched me struggle with the wardrobe. When I asked her to help me, she apologies and told me she was still half asleep, she should've gotten up and helped earlier. Excuses, Schmexcuses. But at least she got up and helped. The following day, she asked what I was planning to do about the situation. She was willing to pitch in in getting a new one. I told her it was ok, I was just going to keep  my stuff in suitcase until my mind was made up. I am not a big fan of doing the same thing over and over again. Unless I like it. I told her that the idea of buying something I had already bought only a few months prior. wasn't making me wet down there. I knew in my heart of hearts that I was going to move, my mind was made up. I needed time to tell her. We had agreed on at least two weeks' notice, I had ample time. I wanted to giver her more than two weeks though just because I knew way earlier, the more time I gave her, the better her chances of finding something she liked. It was only fair.

I went on with life as usual; cleaning up after Carly, begging her to empty the pot when she was done using it for days before I had a chance to use it. That soon got tired though. One day, I got so fed up of watching this stranger ruin my valuables that while she was at work, I cleaned the apartment, as usual, washed the pot, cooked and left food in there. She wasn't going to use it if it was occupied. she had her own shelf of food and her side of the cupboard in the kitchen, all that was packed with food that needed to be cooked. I didn't care. So did I, and she didn't seem to care. Buy your own shit, bitch! I had been nagging her for weeks to take care of things around the house because we were not sharing everything like that but she thought she could bat her eyebrows through it all. 

One day, she came home with a new pan. It was a cute, big, frying pan that was blue on the outside and blue on the in. It was on sale because it had a small dent. Good idea! It would have been a better idea if she had bought herself one with a lid, but what do I know, right? She fried with that pan and would leave it in the sink for days. I had to be the one moving it around so I can have access to the sink etc. There was no winning with this girl! One day, I asked her if she ever does any cleaning back home. She responded, immediately, YES! OF COURSE! I do all the cleaning at home! I was like, sssuuurrrrreeee! She told me unequivocally that she really does! She told me that she knew that she had been so busy that she hadn't had a chance to do any cleaning at the apartment but keeps a clean house back home. I rolled my eyes and moved on with my life. It wasn't about what she would reply but my way of telling her that I have noticed that she doesn't lift a finger. Ever! That was it! She batted her eyebrows and promised to clean one of the days. I asked her, sarcastically, to please not do me any favors. 

I mean, do it for yourself! Right? Don't do it for me! I've been doing the cleaning in that apartment since rooming with Jon. It was hilarious how Carly would never sit on the toilet seat at our apartment as if she didn't want to catch anything from me, meanwhile she never lifted a finger around the house. Are you f*cking kidding me? Who are you trying to insult by that? Sit your ass down, no pun intended! I ain't trying to catch something from sitting on your pee droplets! WTF! Sometimes I would wish that she would end up, by some twist of fate, rooming with Jon. See how they make it out alive.

I put in my 30 day notice with the ladies downstairs. That was a good day! I had been wanting to move out of that place but couldn't get myself to do it for whatever reason. Mainly because I didn't see myself being someone's roommate without having my name on the lease because then they think they are the boss of you. Bit by bit, I packed my stuff in suitcases, making sure to put things I use daily in the same suitcase and things I didn't in others. There's this 'friend' of mine from South Africa. We met at the bust stop on Sunset Boulevard. I had just picked up my check, on my way home, while waiting for the bus, I noticed that the guy standing next to me, talking on the phone was speaking with a South African accent. Being the nice, social person that I am; as soon as she was done talking on the phone, I asked where he is from. He responded, in an almost childlike manner, "I, I, I, I am from Johannesburg, Johannesburg, South Africa, South Africa!" I asked where in Johannesburg. He asked if I have ever been. I told him I've lived in Johannesburg. I wondered if the guy has some mental situation going on or what. He looks 60 but has a very childlike manner of talking, he sounds like he could be anywhere between 3 and 5 years old. Quite the mix!

Turned out, we were going the same direction! He took over the conversation and started asking me all the questions. He talks quite loud and spits A LOT. There was a lot of duck and diving from my side. Where's an umbrella when you need it? And I think I am always prepared! We got on the bus, he was going on and on about how American Americans are lazy, Asians are hard workers, therefore he wants an Asian wife, that's why he has been going to a Chinese Church for the past two years. He went on and on and on about all this offensive talk on the bus. It felt like my stop was moving further and further. I was on the way to the mall to grab a few things. He got off  with me. I was happy to be rid of him but no such luck. I was like, I thought you said you are going straight home? He told me he was but was enjoying my company, then he came closer and closer, I thought he was about to molest me there and then! The closer he got, the further I moved. I wondered if he had any idea he was making me feel uncomfortable. 

We'll call him Chris. Suddenly, the mood changed, he looked me deep in the eye and told me that I'm beautiful. I thanked him and backed the f*ck up some more! He asked if I have a boyfriend. I told him I was seeing someone. He wanted to know more about the guy. I told him a bit about Daniel. Just enough for him to know that there was someone in my life and even if there wasn't, he was never going to be that someone, no matter how much he spat on me. He told me that he would be honored to have a girl like me in his life, I seem to have a good head on my shoulders and I was beautiful. I said, 'problem is, I'm not Asian, huh?' He told me he didn't care about that. We are from the same country and that matters more than being Asian. At that point, I was so done, I felt like he was suffocating me. I told him  I really had to go. He told me he really had to go because he had work that night. As if I didn't just tell him I had to go. He was making it seem like he is the one who ended the conversation. I didn't care, anything to get this man to walk away. He had already asked for my number, there was no undoing that.

He walked away, like an 18 month old. You know how they walk and look like they're about to fall flat on their cute little faces? Well, only difference is,... you know what the difference is! 

I couldn't wait to go home and take a shower. I didn't have enough soap to get all that spit off me. In my head, I was still not sure if that really happened or if I made it up all up in my head. I wasn't sure if someone like Chris really does exist. Like, pinch me! I got my stuff and headed on home. 

I got a text from Chris that night, he told me what a pleasure it was to meet me. He wanted to meet up the following day or the day after. Those were his off days. I told him that I would let him know. I worked weekdays and I got booked a day in advance, sometimes the night before. I liked to keep my weekdays clear. Plus I wasn't looking to meet up with that man anytime soon! He insisted that we meet. It seemed almost as if I didn't have much of a choice. I didn't care. I had told him what's up and that was that! When he texts, just like when he talks, he never stops. 

I worked the following day. He texted me and told me how he was going to buy himself a TV with a DVD player. He told me that here in America they have such tv's. He has been here for 14 years, so he thinks he is the President of America. I love it when someone finds out that I'm from another country and all of a sudden, they want to be my tour guide. How do they think I have managed all along without their spitting asses? come on now! Don't be that guy! Nobody likes that guy! 

Tuesday evening, after work, I had just gotten off the bus, walking towards from my apartment, I got a call from Chris. He was on the bus on Santa Monica Boulevard. I had told him that I lived on Santa Monica, so he asked if he could get off by my place and see me. Oh my gosh, I am so looking forward to getting home. I was so close, I could taste it. Now I have to meet up with this person. I thought to myself, this dude is not gonna give up! Let's just get this over and done with! I told him sure, I told him where to get off. The roads were blocked, his bus was going to detour, blah blah blah, he kept calling to update me, 'ha, ha ha, hi Brook, I am at blah blah blah now, still on my way to you!' As if this was some romantic rendezvous. Ugh, we finally met up. Looking at him walking towards me, I wondered again. What is wrong with this guy? He almost looks like the guy who will kill you, bury you in his apartment and go on with his life like nothing happened. His thick, round, glasses didn't help either. He asked if I wanted to go eat dinner at this Indian restaurant far, far away. I told him that I only had an hour to spare, starting from the time he arrived, so I didn't want to go to far away. 

I don't know if he pays attention to what I say, once he starts talking, he gets into this zone where it's all about him and he will talking until, The Good Lord grants you a small miracle and you're able to get rid of him. When you're gonna spend time with him, which is not advisable, it's all about survival. He went on and on about the Indian restaurant. Don't get me wrong, I love Indian. In fact, it's my favorite cuisine, having lived in Durban for five years, but I didn't want to spend any more time with him than I had to. I was happy just standing with him by the traffic light for a hour so that when it's time for me to go home, I can walk a few feet and be at my place, take a quick/long shower and be done with it. he was so gung ho about going to eat, I ended up giving in. It was all about him getting what he wants no matter what. That's it!

He told me about this Japanese restaurant two blocks from my place. I told him I wasn't going to go there. I had already been there, I had been there and didn't want to relieve my experiences that ended me up there(story for another day). When I talk, he replies, oohh okay! While I'm still talking. You know he's not paying attention! Then he goes on and on about what he wants to talk about, usually something about African Americans being lazy and Asians being hard workers, and Obama. It's always the same thing. He will cut you off and talk about the same thing he had already talked about to you in person, over the phone and via text. The most frustrating thing ever!

We ended up going to El Pollo (pronounced Poyo) loco. I ordered Chicken and fries. He ordered a Burrito and chicken and fries. He was talking nonstop in English, I kept asking him to at least speak Zulu, Xhosa, hell, I could even try and understand Sotho, anything for him not to keep saying offensive things to people in public! He would say the first word in Xhosa and the rest of the thing in English. Father, help me! We went to sit down, turned out, they gave us one chicken and fries. I started eating. I had to eat fast before he settled down, you know he was gonna spit all over that meal! He asked where the rest of the food was. I told him they didn't give it to us. Oh Lord! He started screaming from across the restaurant, Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me! (remember everything has to be said three times), you didn't, you didn't, you didn't.... everyone at the restaurant was looking at him. They had been eyeing him from the time we got there for all the offensive things he had been saying out loud anyway. He walked to the counter, I gobbled down the food, really not even enjoying it, because I didn't want to be there. When he got back to the table, I literally had both my hands over my plate, covering it up from the shower of spit falling from the cloud that is his mouth. trust me, It's worse than you can imagine! He was talking about how he has been in the US for 14 years, the entire story of his life. How tough he has had it and how he has no friends (that one's obvious but ok, keep going...), the only people who pretend to be his friends only want to use him. There's a 74 year old woman that he had dated, she turned out to be a user. (Duh!), and another older woman who turned out to be users too. Some people, he moves into his apartment, then they try to have him kicked out blah blah blah blah, problem after problem! I get having problems, trust me, nobody gets it better than me, but please! For the love of God, don't lead with that! First figure out if someone even wants to spend time with you, don't hijack them at gunpoint and then ram your problems down their throat! I recorded some of his yapping. I had to!

I asked them to pack some of my food. I took it home. Carly was hungry, I gave it to her. When Chris' hour was up, I got up, no warning, no nothing, LET'S GO! It's time! He asked if he could finish his food. This dude ordered the entire restaurant, now he's talking non stop, he will never finish eating. I told him, I had to leave, he's more than willing to stay behind and finish his meal. I had told him all I had to spare was an hour, and that was it. Oh please, blah blah blah, you know I ended up giving in. Because it's all about Chris! We finally left. We walked back to my apartment, when we got there, he tried to continue yapping, I was like, bye! He tried to give me a hug. But it's one of those where you tilt to the left, he tilts to the left too, so then you decide to tilt to the right, cos you're not trying to make out with him, he follows suit, at the end of it all, I was just like, bye, Chris. He said, Bye Brook (kinda like a three year old girl would say), it was nice to hang out with you. We should do it again (yeah right, I need that like I need a hole in the head), Don't you wanna walk me to the bus stop? I told him, no, I don't want to walk you to the bus stop! We've done enough walking. I was thinking that if I had done that, he would have walked me back to my apartment, then begged me (read: forced) me to walk him back. F*ck off! What the hell is this? Get outta here! What kind of a creature are you, trying to spoil yourself at my expense? You're not my fiance! This is not our honeymoon! Disappear already!

As he was walking away, he yelled, "call me later and ask if  I got home safely!"