Bringing a Gun To a Knife Fight

Charlie texted me with an update about his ex girlfriend. Apparently, the date didn't happen. He told me that he thought about everything I said and decided not to go out with her. During the same conversation, he told me that they set up a date at some karaoke bar, she was an hour late, he could no longer wait, so he left and blocked her. Apparently, he was having transportation problems, that's why she was running late, I don't know why he couldn't wait. Clearly, he wanted to give the relationship a second chance. He asked to take me out on his off day. I told him I would have to think about it.

We kept texting back and forth, one thing about him, he always responded to emails and texts unlike some guys I've, sadly, got to know. He told me that his roommate was in the process of moving out, when he has moved out, maybe we should hang out at his place and watch a movie or something. He had just bought himself this ginormous TV. I told him I was open to that but he wasn't going to lock me up in his apartment with old movies on our first number or dates. He needs to take me out like a normal person. He told me he has lots of food in his house, all kinds of food. If I knew how to cook, I should go make us a meal at his house. I was like, yeah, sorry, not really the cooking type. I mean, am I married? Who am  I cooking for? Why am I cooking for them? I didn't have a stove at my place, just a refrigerator and a microwave. I missed cooked food but I wasn't desperate.

We talked for weeks and weeks, he just didn't have time to meet up. One afternoon, I was at the laundromat, we texted, I asked if he was home. He was. I told him to come hang with me. We were really getting along, we talked all the time. He showed up on his bike in a very orange outfit, orange shorts, orange t-shirt and neon orange sneakers. I loved the sneakers though. Not sure about the rest of the outfit. Good thing it wasn't mine! Did I mention he brought a gun? Talk about bringing a gun to a knife fight, only there were no knives, nor a fight. He also brought me $10 in Quarters (20 cent coins) for the machines in the laundromat. That was sweet! Still not sure about the gun and the orange outfit. I asked about the gun, he told me that he never gets to carry it, so any chance he can, he takes it with him. Go figure. #FashionStatement

Cute, right?

We hung out at the laundry and talked about all kinds of things. He told me that his roommate was still at his place, he was still looking for an apartment to move to. I don't know how hard the roommate was looking for an apartment. I also asked Charlie if the roommate was the one renting from him or was it the other way round by any change. He assured me that the lease was on his name (Charlie's name). Charles was so desperate to know how old I was. I told him I was older than him, and that's all he needed to know. I was on Facebook, he asked to see something, I showed him. Next thing I know, he's red in the face. What happened? He scrolled up, looked at my personal details, saw my age and freaked out. Well, that's what you get, kind Sir! You think you are going to look for something and not find it? Haven't you read the Bible? Seek and ye shall find, boo boo! He told me he didn't know how he felt about the age difference because his mom told him that a woman should only be so much older, anything over and above that, the relationship will never work out. It was good to know that his mom had a minute or two to teach him some life lessons. More on the mom later!

When we were done with laundry, Charlie wanted to come chill at my place. I took the bus with my giant bags full of laundry, he rode the bike to my place. We sat and talked and listened to music. He was meant to leave late that night but both of us passed out on the bed. Gun and all!

The following morning, he took me out for breakfast. It was nice to have him around, I must say. he has a really nice vibe about him. He left after breakfast.

Chicken Tenders, my latest favorite thing!

My milkshake brings all the boys in the yard and they're like...

 He was working that night. When he got to his house, he took a nap. Upon waking up, he sent me text talking about his roommate said I'm too old, it will never work out between him and I. I will control him, and blah blah blah. Oh Lord, I was like, talk to me about all this in person. I'm not having a text conversation about this. I don't even know if it's you I'm talking to or the roommate.

On his way to work, he came by, brought me a bunch of roses. It was really cool, thinking that he rode his bike in Uniform and had a vase with water and a dozen red roses in there for me. I don't know how he managed to carry all that, but I was impressed and gladly accepted the roses. We hung out for an hour before he left for work. He had to pass my work on his way to work, I lived halfway in between.

We kept chatting during the week, without seeing each other.

I stopped to smell the roses in my red Ralph Lauren PJ's

I made friends with a lady whom I met online on a friendship site. We whatsapped for a while back and forth and seemed to have a lot in common. I was excited to make new friendships. We'll call her Tony. Tony suggested we go to a BBW Club off the strip (Big Beautiful Women). I agreed. You know me, I'm down for whatever. Plus, I'd always wanted to go to a BBW Club. She suggested we met at the club, late at night. I wasn't sure about meeting someone for the last time in the middle of the night. What if they were not who they said they were? I was like, how about we meet somewhere in the daytime first, and then go to the club a different night or so? She was cool. We met for drinks at a mall halfway between us. I hadn't been at that mall yet, I like going to new places. I took the bus there, it was nice and hot, I use the word nice loosely, this is Vegas we're talking about; the desert, hot means scorching hot.

Getting ready to meet up with Tony, Comfy Nine West Heels and Jessica Simpson Bag

We literally arrived there at exactly the same time and we recognised each other as we crossed paths at the mall, she was driving, looking for parking, I was walking, looking for the restaurant.

The mall was pretty, Town Square, was the name of it. We ate from the Happy hour menu, Cheap is the only way to go! I had calamari, she had salad and I can't remember what else. We had such a nice time! Instant chemistry, over text, she had told me that she is shy and doesn't go out much.

Calamari. It was alright, nothing to write home about

When I met her, she was anything but shy, she was cool, funny, we laughed out loud. It was such a good time. I'm smiling just thinking about it. I was looking forward to our friendship. She is a teacher, so she is available weekends etc. I am available, all the time lol.

The night of the BBW event, she was going to pick me up, turned out the club was off my street. I lived off Sahara and Las Vegas Blvd aka The Strip, the club is on the other side of Sahara and The Strip. I could've walked if it weren't in the middle of the night. I had had a long day, and the heat will get ya! Apparently, I passed out and didn't even hear Tony's calls when she came to pick me up. I woke up after an hour or so of her calling and texting me from outside my place. I wish I had told her which one my door was so she could come knock there and maybe I would've woken up. I felt so bad when  I finally woke up and it was an hour later! I was sure she had left without me. I felt horrible! I called her and fortunately, she was still outside. She had a couple off calls she needed to make, so she decided to park outside my place and take care of those while there,and luckily, I called while she was still there, on the phone.I quickly freshened up. I asked her to come in while I did. I didn't want her waiting for me much longer. You know how slow time moves when you're waiting for someone? It's better if you can see that they are actually getting ready.

I got ready in no time, and we left for the club. Goooooo! We were there in no time. Tony had told me she had been at that club before, she made out with the DJ the first time she went there, I believe, then she went again and the DJ and the friend he went with ended up in a fight over her. I was like, look at you! Men fighting over you! As we arrived, I found out that the story about the guys who fought over her didn't end there. They both wanted to go home with her, that's what the fight was about! Long story short, one of the guys, I think the one she made out with, ended up stalking her. He sent her texts about how he wished her dead. She told me she was glad she wasn't alone that night, the night we were there together. I secretly wished she hadn't told me that, because now, what happens if the guy was there that night? Then what? Am I safe? She told me she feared for the safety of her car because the guy knew her car. Oh Lord! Just as we were about to walk in, she told me this! Now, I'm freaking the freak out! We walked in, they had a 50% off special on entry fee. My kinda gig!


We got in, found us a nice spot to sit at, ordered drinks, and chilled for a second and ..... Tony was like, oh my gosh, here's the guy I told you about? UHM, THE ONE WHO WISHED YOU DEAD? Yes......

The guy came towards us......

Roach Attack!

Tortoise came to see me. He is so sweet, he brought me stuff for my new place.I guess it was a roof wetting or house warming party since the last time he was there,  remember,when he was brutally honest about his opinion of it? He brought me a nice and comfy rug, which I greatly needed. It's the comfiest rug you will ever own! It has memory foam.

It's bigger than it looks here. (that's what he said, haha)

Mhhh, perfect for my on and off (American translation: Off and on or On again, off again :)) heel spur; at least I didn't have rude awakenings every time I got out of bed. He also brought me stuff like Green tea, Apple Cider Vinegar, multivitamins and tons of bottled water oh and a nice pillow.

He heard me say that the one that came with the apartment wasn't doing the trick, he told me he had a spare one at his place. That was so thoughtful of him. I was humbled by his generosity.

That's everything, well some of the tings Tortoise brought me. Nice, huh?

One night, while sound asleep, I felt something taking a stroll right across my face. I was so tired, I slept with my mouth wide open, probably snoring. The thing felt gigantic! I hit it off my face, away from the mouth. Back off from the hole! Double you Tee Eff! I head the sound as it landed on the floor. F*ck me! What could this creature be that has invaded my new home? Am I safe here? Do I want to stay here or should I keep looking? I got out of bed, hoping not to step on it, or worse... bump into it! Sh*t, I don't know how big the thing was, or tall. It could be taller than me for all I know! I am not familiar with desert creatures. Plus, this is Vegas, What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, who know what had happened and what someone left behind, could this be what ended up on my face, headed for my mouth? I turned on the light, freaking out like hell! It was a gigantic Roach. The desert type. I'm not talking about a cockroach, the small ones that multiply in milliseconds, I mean the great-grandfather of that entire village of cockroaches.

After I murdered it a gazillion times.

I quickly grabbed the broom, I aimed, broom in hand, karate stance, eyes about to pop out of my head. The thing shot straight for me, Fuuuuuccckkkkk! I ducked and dove, and jumped onto the bed! God love my neighbors, they must have wondered 'the fck is that big mamma doing over there in the middle of the night. I'm tryna sleep damnit, I lost all my money in the casinos, I need to regroup.' My bad, yall! Roach Attack! I got on the bed and with broom still in hand and karate stance. I never wished I had a gun more in my life. I wanted to shoot the nerve to chase me around in my own home out of that sucker. I jumped back down, looked for the roach again. It went under my bed. NOOOOO! Not under the bed! How am I going to go back to sleep? I had to move the bed. Sorry neighbors! 

I finally got it and killed it a thousand times. I had to make completely sure it was dead! Then I killed it again!

Not for the faint at heart

Tort was nice enough to bring a gallon of bug spray along when he came to see me one time, he sprayed all over my place, after I told him about my horrendous ordeal. Sweet guy!

Tort brought his guitar and a bottle of wine when he came over. Did I mention he brought his own chair to sit on as well? Yup! A fold up chair, red in color. He set it up, moved sht around my apartment, opened up his guitar case, put it in the middle of the room, had his lyrics on there somewhere, opened up the bottle of wine. It was red velvet wine. I didn't know they made that flavor. Red Velvet is my favorite cake, I had mentioned this to him prior, I guess that's where the inspiration came from for the vino.

Unfortunately for him, I don't drink alcohol and to the surprise of everybody who knows me, I'm not drunk haha. He had to drink alone, my bad! He sang the blues while drinking his red velvet wine, strumming away on his blues guitar. It would have been nice if we were in a bigger space. My studio apartment was too small for that, the neighbors and landlord were too close for comfort. It was just not the time or place. I didn't expect him to show up with a 6 piece band and set up in my studio! He told him to sing backup, I guess we were rehearsing. Someone didn't get the memo (pointing at self).

After what felt like forever, Tort left, I gave him a hug, thanked him for everything and wished him well.

Vegas Wedding?

Hair before I washed the dye out

What is happening right now? Are we really gonna do this? I've only seen this guy in pictures, we haven't even talked on the phone. Not that anybody talks on the phone anymore. Phone calls are for telemarketers. I ran around in circles, talk about a headless chicken! I finally peeped through the window to see if he was really there. He was! He looked a tad bit shorter than he did in pictures. Ok, maybe a little more than a tad bit, he looks tall in pictures and is short in real life. There! I said it! But we've made a commitment, we're doing this, short guy or not. Who knew I of all people would marry a short guy? No offence to short guys but I like what I like.

I walked out the door with my hair still full of hair dye. I hadn't washed it yet. I hadn't got into the full swing of things in Vegas. I hadn't noticed how ashy I was getting, especially in the morning. I have no idea why, but I would wake up with my legs looking as white as snow, as if I hadn't applied any lotion the previous day after my shower. It's Vegas, baby! Welcome to the desert! I put on a random outfit because mama doesn't wear any clothes around the house. I walked out towards my future groom sssssllloooowwwllllyyyyy but ssuurreelly. At least it seemed like I was taking forever to get to him. I didn't know what he would think now that we are seeing each other in person. I wasn't looking my best, CLEARLY! I hadn't showered yet and my hair was in the process of getting done, but I didn't care. I wasn't self conscious or anything. Why should I? Take it or leave it!

He was like, "heeeeyyyy!" I was like, hiiiii, how are you? I can't believe you came! We chatted for a little bit. He asked me where I wanted to go, like, you know, to hang out. Hang out? The f*ck is this dude talking about? This is my wedding day, hotdamnit! I am not hanging out on my wedding day, are gonna do this or not? Haha. I asked him why he came? He told me he thought it was about time we finally met. I asked him what about the proposal. He said, 'Don't you think it's too soon to get married?' NO, I DON'T! CLEARLY, I DON'T. THAT'S WHY I SAID LET'S DO IT! DUH! He had this calm about him though, that made you just wanna hang round him and get to know him. He had this vibe that made me feel safe and that whether we got married that day or not, I was going to be his one and only. He is younger than me but is an old soul. Plus, he has blue eyes ;) I tried to hint that we should grow his hair but he can't. He's a security guard, he has to have his short and as I got to know him, I found out, he thinks he's a cop, so he does things as cops do, so hey! Meaning, not only am I settling for a short guy, I will also have to do without my long hair. Ain't life a bitch?

We sat on the side of the road and talked forever! My legs were getting ashier by the minute. I had to say something. You know when you're so self conscious about something, it's the only thing on your mind and you think that's all people see when they look at you? I didn't want this guy thinking I'm an ashy ass slob. I have dry skin, but goddamnit, I'm never ashy! They got worse when I sat on the pavement.

Notice the ash on my leg! I'm telling you, it was bad!

 I felt like I was six again. He's closer to six than my real age, so, in a weird way, it all worked out haha.

He offered to take me out for brunch but of course I wasn't ready for any of that. I needed to finish doing my hair! Ugh, I sound like a broken record! Eventually, I let him go. He was going to sleep. He worked nights. I, well, you know what I needed to do by now. #BrokenRecord. We had a mini photo-shoot outside my place on the bike before he left.

 went back to my place thinking to myself, 'what just happened?' As you may know by now, that is the story of my life. I constantly go through experiences that make me go, what just happened. It's not a good or bad thing, it's just a thing. He texted me when he got home that it was nice to meet me blah bah blah. He lived about three miles away from me (just under 5km). He said we should meet up again. He followed that text with a dick pic. I thought to myself, does this guy have split personality or what? WTF is going on here? This is not the same guy  I hung out with for two hours just now! I guess, like most people, he has guts when he's behind his phone screen. I told him if he didn't stop sending me his dick pics, I was going to block his ass. Or his dick, haha, whichever came first. #CockBlocking.

He would never apologise for sending these pics, he always had a 'valid' reason why he did it. He continued to text me about meeting up again in a few days. He was going to buy me a helmet and we were going to go on our date on the bike. He has a motorbike. I thought that was sweet, I told him to get me a pink one ;)   I was so excited, I was about to be a biker chick, even if just by association. Good Times, awaited! 

Charles had told me that he had been in a serious relationship before that lasted a year to a year and a half. I don't know how he didn't know exactly if it was a year or and a year and a half but I let that one slide. They had been broken up for, hey, who knows? Something or other. But they were broken up. Apparently, he cheated on him with another white guy. She was Blaxican, I think, (black + Mexican) or just black. I guess he wouldn't have had a problem if she had cheated on him with a black guy or any other race but white. He told me she wanted to get back together at some point, but he was so done. He hates cheats blah blah blah. Who doesn't?

He , like everyone else who lives in Vegas is originally from California. His family now lives in Colorado, he was alone in Vegas. He had a roommate who was in the process of moving out because he was behind on his rent. He told me he was excited, he was about to get his place back. I was like good for you! Whatevz.

As we were texting after he left, he, out of the blue told me that he was sorry, but he wouldn't be able to see me again, he was going to get back together with his ex. Apparently, she had just texted him and wanted to get back together, he wanted to give her another chance. He told me that we could be friends because he liked me. I thought to myself, dang, good thing we didn't get married that morning, shoot! I was new in Vegas, literally fresh off the boat. I could use friends but at the same time, Charlie was sketchy as f*ck, I don't want such people in my life. We can be husband and wife, but I'd be damned if I'm gonna be friends with such a shady character! I didn't know what to say when he broke the news about the ex to me. He also told me to call him if I needed anything, he knew I was new in town and didn't have a car. He told me he would drive me around if I needed a ride somewhere. I mean, what do you do with someone like that? It was a heck of a roller-coaster, I couldn't even begin to tell ya!

That afternoon, I needed to ship stuff I sold on eBay. Charlie offered to give me a ride to the store to get wrapping paper and to the post office. It was hot as heck outside, so I accepted the offer.

Half my outfit that afternoon. When he saw me, he was shocked at how well I cleaned up, haha. From Ashy to Classy

He came around and let me use the helmet. We rode to the store. On our arrival at the store, he told me that he had never had a passenger on his bike before. That made me nervous because with bikes, you wanna be extra careful. Here I am, weighing probably double what this guy weighs and I'm his first passenger, ever! Lord help me! I asked him to please drive slowly. Otherwise, I was totally ok with taking the bus. He offered to pay for me at the store. I let him. I needed something else from the 99 cents store. I wasn't embarrassed to go to the 99 cents store because the dude had already dumped me. What do I care? I ain't tryna impress someone who broke up with me on what was supposed to be our wedding day! He offered to pay over there as well. When he saw me eyeing this, he bought it for me...

Cute, right?

It's a memo pad set, envelops ad a pencil inside. He dropped me off at my place. No mention of the break up and the ex or the wedding, nor the dick pic for that matter. I just went with the flow too. 

When he got home, he continued to text me about the ex. They were going to meet up the following Monday, that was the day we had planned to go on our date. He came up with this brilliant plan that I could always go there as well. In fact, he said, why don't you and I go on our date that night, I won't tell him that our date is off, I will let her come there and find me sitting there with you? I was like, yeah, no, that's not gonna happen. What is this? The Jerry Springer show? F*ck you! You don't even know me, what kind of a ridiculous plan is this? He told me that if I wanted him, I should fight for him. I thought, poor thing, nobody ever fought for him, he's begging girls he met on the internet to fight for him. That's the only logical explanation why he would want me to fight for him.  I don't fight. I never do, he had the wrong girl! I was like, you know what dude. This thing with you and your ex is a joke, it's not gonna work, you had a chance to take me on a date, you just blew it. Good bye!

Charlie on his way home. Bye Felicia!

Just like that, he changed his mind, he told me he had already ordered my helmet online, he was going to receive it in a few days, let's still go out. Or we can go out day before his date with his ex, see if we get along, if not, he was going to get back with his ex, if we get along, he was going to cancel the date with his ex. I told him NO! I hadn't even made up my mind if I wanted him as a boyfriend (never mind that I wanted to marry him that morning, there's a difference :)), and he was gambling with me as if I was desperate to date his ass. By the end of it all, I was just so exhausted from the meeting that morning, to the nerve wrecking bike ride to the news about the ex, it was too much!

Let's Get Married!

Back to the drawing board! House hunting!

I saw a small studio like situation just off The Strip. It was a house with a room with it's own outside entrance, furnished, a kitchenette, bathroom and a tv. I was like, let's check this space out. I feel like I may have seen it while I was still in LA, before even moving to Vegas. I called the lady, and went through to Voicemail, she seemed nice. She ended her voicemail with, 'have a nice day!'

I left her a message and subsequently called her back. She picked up! She was home, so she invited me to go over and check the place out. It was about 15 mins walk from the hostel but because I don't walk, I took the bus there. Plus, it was too hot, don't judge me! I got off along The Strip and walked to the house. It's that close from The Strip, which worked perfectly for me! That's exactly what I was looking for! The space was much smaller than I'd expected. Aren't they all? It was furnished, which was a big plus but so were most places  I saw on Craig's list while I was still in LA. I needed a bigger bed just so I can stretch out for a change. Theirs was like a 3/4 size bed. It was a good deal though and I didn't feel like looking any more. I wanted to stay at the hostel for a week, that was my plan and I found that place my last day at the hostel. I spent one more night at the hostel and moved in the following day. I took the bus with half my luggage. The lady was nice enough to give me a ride to fetch the rest of my stuff at the hostel. It all worked out. The Air Conditioner was on, so was the ceiling fan. I wanted to get some stuff from the 99 cents store, you know, I had already found one close to my place! Luckily, the lady was going there as well, she gave me a ride, I bought groceries for the week. He saw places in my cart, told me to leave them, he was going to give me dishes, he also gave me a pretty umbrella and a broom. That was really nice of him. My place was more like a hotel; she took care of everything. Sweet lady, with an interesting past. She is a musician, she used to own her own restaurant, where she cooked herself; owned a salon where she did hair herself and then was a full time singer, she arranged her own gigs, from location, to everything, she is the sht!

She has pictures of her younger self all over the house, on stage etc. She was beautiful, still is.
I spent the rest of the day in bed, just hiding from the desert heat.

I told Tortoise that I found a place of my own. He told me he was going to come check it out. He was my first guest at my new place.

He arrived in his 6 pocket shorts and hat as usual! He told me the place was ugly and small, 'we have to find you a better place', he said. I was like, thanks for being an asshole. Don't come to my place that I found myself and am paying for and tell me crap like that! Rude! Soon after that, he told me the place was cosy, it was growing on him. I told him to drop it. It didn't have to grow or anything on him. It was my place, that's not why he was there, to have my place grow on him! I wasn't trying to impress him, I was just showing him my place, that's all. I mean, he showed me his house, I didn't diss it! There's a lot I could've said about that house, but I held back!

We hung around, just talking with Tort. Suddenly! I had this brilliant idea! OMG! I said. He was like, 'what?' I told him, we have a car! 'WE do?' Yeah, let's go somewhere! He asked where I wanted to go. I told him, I didn't care. Anywhere! Let's go to Kohl's. He was hesitant to take me there, I think he thought I was trying to make him buy me clothes. I feel sorry for people who jump to conclusions. What a way to live! He took me to this place he performs on Tuesdays where he wants me to be his backup singer. It was closed. It was written outside in big, bold letters, OPEN 24 HOURS. Clearly, it wasn't! From there, he drover around and drove around, before I knew it, we were at his house.

He showed me the T-shirts that he wants me to sell for him. He has lots of them in a number of suitcases in the garage. The garage is packed. It's also the neatest part of the house. We went in the house, he played some blues on the guitar. I asked him to play me a song. He did that thing that he does, If I ask him to play me a song by, Elvis Presley, he's going to play me a song by someone who sounds like Elvis. You can't tell me he doesn't know one song by Elvis. I asked to use his laptop and found a foot massager just in front of the computer, so I took off my shoes and dug in. I had socks on, so we were safe. I wouldn't wanna give him what I have, right? I don't have anything to give. FYI. I checked my emails and saw that someone replied to one of my applications. It was Miss Plus Size USA. Dream big of GTFOH, right? They sent me an application form, I completed it while there. He couldn't believe I was applying for that. Clearly, he doesn't know me.

He kept selling the t-shirt business idea and told me that I could make lots of money just doing that, then I wouldn't have to worry about looking for a regular job. Who said anything about a regular job? ;) He told me that I could sit with the T-shirts while we are at the place where he gigs, people would buy from me because I am a beautiful lady, nobody wants to buy a T-Shirt from him! LOL. I agreed. To the selling idea not to the fact that nobody wants to buy t-shirts from me. What do I know? I'm just a girl from Africa?

Later on, Tortoise took me to the mall, there was a 99 cents store there, so that's the first place I went to because I was hungry, I bought a snack and then met up with him at Ross Dress For Less. He came to me and told me to pick something I like, he was going to pay. That was very nice of him. I didn't really want anything. I just wanted to get out of the house and see Vegas. I did find a cute, glittery, silver pair of Guess heels for fifty cents though. You read right, 50 cents. Unprecedented! I grabbed them! They're a size too small but who cares? He saw shoes he liked for me and suggested I get myself a pair. I really didn't like them and fortunately they didn't quite fit, so we didn't get those. I told him I had 50 cents, I paid for my cheap shoes haha.

We went to some New York Pizza place where we had dinner. He ordered pizza, I ordered a soup;  sea food soup. My, oh my! That thing was to die for! His soup was gigantic, I had never seen such a huge pizza in my life, he offered me some. I had a slice, it was ok but I am not a big pineapple fan, so I stuck to my soup. He, of course, didn't finish his pizza. They boxed it up for him. He told me he wouldn't eat it again, he told me to take it home. So I did. I didn't have a stove at my new place. Just a microwave, which is what I mainly use to cook anyways. It's always nice to have options though.

After spending the entire day together, Tort took me home. It was a nice ride back, he lives a different side from Hunter or myself, so whenever I went to his house, I got to see a different side of Vegas. He dropped me off late, I watched some telly and went to bed. It was nice to have a tv for a change. I didn't have it at my place in Hollywood. I watched everything on TV. The Super guy I lived with and Speedy had one but no cable, just a couple of channels, that's it. They had their favorite shows they enjoyed, so I just used my laptop even then. This time I had cable,baby, whoo hooo, BravoTV all day, everyday.

I was still looking for a job, still trying to get settled though. In the midst of all that, I got an email from a guy online. We got to talking. We emailed back and forth for days. No meeting. He lived in Vegas, I lived in Vegas, why are we not meeting up? I don't know! He was younger, for a great change. He was in his mid 20's. He's looking for his wife. I can be a wife, right? Why not? I wanna be a wife. I deserve to be a wife goddamit!

Every now and then, I would take my umbrella, get on the bus and go to The Strip. Take pictures and live that touristy life. Why not? I would also fill out applications at the businesses on The Strip. I sent the younger guy some of my Strip pictures. He was like, mhhhh nice legs, then he sent me a dick pic in return. I was like WTF. I asked if that's what he does to all the girls he talks to, send them a dick pic? He told me yeah, but he hasn't been talking to  a lot of women. He wants me to see what he's working with so I can decide if I want to decide if I want 'it' or not, so to speak. That's not how he put it, but that's what he meant. I didn't know what to do with that piece of information, i.e. the pic. I deleted it, of course. He seemed like he thought it was normal to send that to women. He meant no harm. That was the sad part.

Unfortunately, I kept chatting with him. Not because he had a cute on or anything like that. Every now and then, we'd stop chatting, I guess we were both chatting to other people as well. One day, I sent him an email and said, 'Hey, let's get married!' He replied, "sure, when?" I told him that that morning at a chapel on the strip. There are plenty of wedding chapels on The Strip. It is Las Vegas, after all. He is looking for a wife, I want to get married, why not? That's reason enough to get married! He asked me what I wanted him to work. He works as security at one of the casinos. I told him to wear his uniform. He had just got off work. I was dying my hair as we were exchanging emails, making wedding plans, haha. I gave him an address down the street and told him to meet me there. He needed somewhere safe to park his motorcycle. I wasn't ready when he arrived. I still had to wash the hair dye off. I wasn't gonna get married looking like that! I hadn't even picked an outfit yet, haha. If this sounds crazy, try living it and being the one who's actually planning a wedding with someone you never met!

He sent an email, Hey, I'm here! I couldn't believe it! Sh*t, this kid was serious!

One Night With You

We drove off. We started off at the supermarket. He asked me what my favorite meat was. I told him, Pork. He tried to by collard greens, I've never even eaten those, I know they are an African American staple aka soul food. I jokingly told him that was a racist move. He bought some veggies. Something about that experience reminded me of my time with Spotty who would also take me to the store to grab a few things before cooking me dinner. It was sweet. I'm all for that! He asked if I wanted wine or something. I politely declined, and told him it would take more than a couple of wines to get into my pants. We went to the house. He was house-sitting for friends who were out of town. 

He changed into shorts and grabbed a towel. We went to the pool which was down the street from where we were. He happened to have the key for that pool. I don't quite follow what the whole deal was but whatevz, right? I sat on the side, on the pool chair and watched him swim. I enjoyed seeing his hair sling all the way to the back, so hot! He was shirtless too, mhhhhh! I went into the water for a sec, and ended up sitting on the stairs with my feet in the water. The water was fresh, there was shade where the pool was. He came and tried to pool me into the pool. Not cool! I freaked out, big time because I genuinely don't know how to swim! Whew! He got out and gave me a hug, which more than made up for that mishap. It made me feel alive, child! It had been a while since I had been hugged by a really hot guy!

When he was done swimming, we went back to the house. We got lucky, it was just us by the pool. He took a quick shower, while I waited in the living room. He came out naked from bathroom to bedroom. I didn't really see anything but I thought that was quite out there of him. We only knew each other for a couple of hours, Double You Tee Eff? He was like, sorry, and kept walking as if he forgot there was a random girl in the next room. Anyway, he came out with his hair tied and had fresh clothes on and cooked for me. Best part ever! I was standing there like I hadn't a care in the world but I must admit, I was charming. My pants were falling off a little bit. Dude, was charming the pants off me! Or should I say off of me? (American English :))

We watched some TV while he was cooking. He shifted the TV around a bit for us to see clearer, the thing turned off! Hunter then suggested we go eat upstairs, there's another tv up there. This was the main bedroom. We sat on the bed, and dug in. Oh my goodness, yumness! The food was divine! He made pork with amazing gravy that had mushrooms in it, mash potato and salad. Delish to infinity! I don't know what he put in that meat that just made it taste so insanely good!

Halfway through dinner, he kissed me. Mhhhh, we almost got carried away there but we had to focus, the gravy was about to spill all over the bed. We didn't want that! I cleaned up my plate, the food was that good! We made out some more after dinner. We may have done more than just made out but does a lady kiss and tell? I think not! All I can say was, it is not my modus operandi to get down on the first night but it happened and it was good! Who am I kidding? It was great! Did  I tell you there was a mirror on the ceiling of the room? Yup! I became one of those people who watch themselves in the mirror, haha! 

Afterwards, we just hung out and talked. He asked a bit about myself and previous relationships, I told him some,and asked about him. He told me about this woman who was his best friend al his life, she got married, he did his thing, but they always stayed in touch. Her husband was abusive, apparently one night, the husband forced her at gunpoint to give her head. Can you imagine? Crazy, right? Long story, that marriage didn't work out. Shocker! Then hunter and this woman ended up dating. He says it was perfect. unfortunately, not on her part. She broke up with him. He got all emotional and told me that she dumped him because she likes assholes and he's romantic and sensitive. I told him that's not a bad thing, girls like Sensitive, romantic guys. He was like no they don't, look what happened to me. He also kept telling me not to speak for this woman I don't even know. I was like omg, #isues! 

After the long story about the bff, Something he said put me off. It was how he said it, something about how he is not ready for a relationship blah blah blah, I thought to myself, perfect timing asshole! Soon thereafter, I got ready to leave . He asked me what I was doing, why do I have nervous energy. I told him, I don't know if he wants to call it that but I was ready to go home. He asked why, he thought we were having fun. We were but you can't pull a tool move and still expect to keep having fun. I wasn't a bitch about it, or didn't even act offended, I just told him I wanted to go home, that's it. Plus, we hadn't planned to spend the night or whatever, it was the pool and dinner, we had both and then some, so bye Felicia! 

He told me he wished I would stay. I could see that he had no clue that he offended me. I didn't really care at that point in time. On our way home, it was a bit of a drive, abut 20 minutes. He asked if I was ok. I told him why I wanted to go home. He apologized. He told me it came out wrong, he was enjoying my company and would have loved it if I stayed the night. I accepted the apology and let him drive me back to the hostel. It was a nice drive, he lives all the other side of the strip, I'm on the opposite side. We took the scenic route back to the hostel though, not through the strip. He was telling me stories about the hotels as we were driving past them, not all of them, he's a Poker player, not a tour guide! Oh yeah, that's what he does for a living! Wouldn't it be nice? 'What do you do for a living?' Who me? 'Yeah, you!' Oh, I'm a poker player! Thanks for asking! I wanna be that guy! The guy who has a cool job! Never mind, I am that guy. Duh! I have fun for a living!

Hunter promised to teach me, I can't gamble for sht. All I can do is play slots. I wanna be those people who play mental games and win wads of money. This is all he does for a living and he makes enough money to sustain himself! I digress. I thought to myself, why don't I just make a night out of this, it was great after all, might as well, go all out for the night and then forget about this guy. Right? We ended up back at the hostel. We had been cool all the way back there, so as soon as he pulled up, I told him I changed my mind. He was like, 'you're coming back with me?' Yeah, jerk, let's go! He was so happy to hear that! We drove back, blasting rock and roll in the car. We watched a movie and went to sleep. The  house is kinda big, he had his room, the spare room, downstairs and the main bedroom with a bathroom were upstairs. It was ok. It wasn't his house, so whatever, really. There's a fridge in the garage, that's where all the alcohol and tons of bottled water are stored. Me, being the water guzzler, I am, I frequented that fridge. 

The following morning, we hung out for a bit, Hunter made breakfast. A slice of bread, he dug out a heart in the centre of the slice, filled it with an egg, then grilled it. He made some cheesy something something on the side and topped the heart with it and put it next to the slice. It was so pretty and so delicious. It's the kind of stuff that can easily confuse a girl. All a girl ever really wants is a cute guy who is a rock start in bed, romantic, sensitive, cooks like the best of them and is a poker player, haha. That's it! No? If you're going to tell a girl you're not ready for a relationship and then make her heart shaped sandwiches in the morning, a girl can get confused! I'm good though, if you're gonna look me square in the eye and tell me where I stand with you, I hear you loud and clear. Hunter was once a cook in a restaurant, so he really can cook.

Around noon, he took me back to the hostel. When he dropped me off, he told me he had a good time, we should do it again. I was like, for sure! NOT! We exchanged text constantly after that. I wasn't taking him seriously because I am not trying to fall for another guy that's not into me like that. Been there, done that! Spotty anyone? 

 

Now You See Me! Now You Don't

As I was busy looking for accommodation, I saw a two bedroom apartment to share on the West Side of Vegas. It somehow looked familiar. I may have talked to the guy while I was still in LA. This time though, I emailed back and forth with a woman. She told me that she and her husband were looking for someone to occupy the second bedroom. As the sixth of seven kids who was raised in a home with extended family, I am just not a big fan of overcrowdedness. I don't know if that's normal for someone who grew up in a big family or it's the other way round? Anyway, growing up, I spent most of my time locked up in a spare room reading #NerdAlert! If it were up to me, I would never have roommates but I will take one roommate as a plan B, no more than one other person in the house though, nah! Plus, once there are too many of you in the house, you start clicking and all kinds of drama I'm not in the mood for. I can't! The lady made sure to tell me that they are hardly ever at home. They both work full time, blah blah blah. I thought, the least I could do was view the place. What I liked was that it was month to month, so I could move there temporarily and then move again the following month. It was an option, not a strong one, but an option nonetheless. I arranged to view the place the following day.

As I was talking to the lady, I was chatting with the green eyed guy, we'll call him Hunter, mhhhhh! We didn't exchange that many emails, him and I. Or we did, what do I know? I was chatting with so many people. That's why I don't give them my phone number because it's harder to keep track of who's who once you chat with them on email and text. If you have all the conversations on email, you know what's going for what. I wasn't that psyched about going to view that place in the heat but I had to do something! The nicer places' people were not getting back to me. I took the bus in the heat using Maps for directions. I think it was somehow upside down, so I went north instead of west from the east. Before I knew it, I was a block away from where I started. Do you know how tempted I was to go back to the hostel, drink some ice cold water and watch Reality tv online? You have no idea! Instead, I put my big girl's panties on, and got back on the bus, right direction this time! The place isn't that far from where I was staying. I got off two stops away, so I had to walk even more than I had to in the desert heat. It was around 100° F (38° C). Whilst making my way to the place, I got a call from this California number. Hello? "Hey, Brook! It's Hunter! How you doing?" Between the heat and excitement, I literally dropped dead and woke up in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. Lol, just kidding. He asked what I was up to. I told him. He was on the strip, gambling at one of the resorts; he plays poker for a living. Fun, right? I wanna play for a living too. I mean, I kinda do already, people ask me all the time, so what do you do, especially after buying the car. Cos they always see me gallivanting all over the place, all hours of day and night, they be like, so what DO you do. Like with emphasis on the first do. I tell them, nothing. It's a shorter version of the longer version. Hunter asked if  I wanted to go for iced coffee after viewing the place. I agreed. Nice motivation to get the viewing over and done with. If I had known  I was going to go on a date.... with destiny, I sure wouldn't have worn such a short top with my leggings. It was the first time in my entire life I ever wore such a short top with leggings, but I was like, I'm new to Vegas, nobody knows me here plust it's too hot to care. The top was nice and thin in material. And then I had to go and meet a cute guy with this ridiculous outfit. I mean, not ridiculous ridiculous, but you know what  I mean! I was sweating like a racehorse, but who wasn't?

I arrived at this chick's place. I called her from the parking lot. She told me she was at the store, they just arrived, could I wait? Bitch, no! I ca n't wait for you at a random parking lot in the scorching heat while you're shopping! If you're not available, I'm leaving! I've got people to do and places to go, or something like that haha. Get it? She told me she was going to ask her fiance to drop her off. If this chick lives with her husband and she is now with her fiance, this may not be the kind of lifestyle I'm trying to get involved with. She told me she would be there in ten minutes. Ten minutes is too long, when you're dehydrating from heat and have taken four buses to get some place, two for the wrong way, two to the right direction. Still, bottom line is the bottom line! Right? :)
Ten minutes later, I get a call from her. Hey, Brook, sorry, my husband just dropped me off but we forgot the keys, he has them in the car with him. His phone is with me, so I can't call and ask him to bring me the keys. Phuck! This will never work! I am just waiting now, because I am here already, otherwise I can assure you now, I don't want to live with these people. Not for only a month, not at all! Plus, the guy is now back at being her husband! Double You Tee Eff!

Not long after, I got another call from the girl telling me to come around to the apartment. He boyfriend/husband/fiance had dropped the key. I was like, oh wow, that was quick! She said, 'I know, he's amazing. That's why I married him!'

The apartment reeked of cigarette smoke! I could smell it from the balcony, so, naturally, the first thing I asked was, 'Do you guys smoke?' She told me that they do but not in the apartment. Never in the apartment! I was like, strike 89. We walked into the apartment, They have two sofas and a giant TV in the living room. and a couple of coffee tables. She took me to the bedroom. There's an enormous hole on the  bedroom door. Strike 90! The bed is on the floor. I see that a lot here in the States. In South Africa, beds either have legs or people put bricks underneath to make up for the legs. No jokes! Here, I see base sets on the floor, it looks too tacky to me! Tackier than the brick situation. She told me that as soon as I pay deposit, they would buy whatever else I need for the room. Mind you, deposit is supposed to be refundable. How are they going to refund me if they are going to go on a shopping spree as soon as I hand it to them? Landlords! That's not what potential tenants want to hear! If you're renting out a furnished room, furnish it before you rent it out, otherwise it's not a furnished room. If you're going to use my money to buy the furniture to furnish the furnished room you're renting out to me, that's not how it works. Don't act dumb, this is pretty simple. You would understand this if the shoe was on the other foot! They have a tv cord on the floor, she told me that when I move in, I could use the tv in the bedroom, or hang out in the living room with her. She continued to tell me that she would actually prefer it if I would hang out with her in the living room. She could use the company, she gets so bored, being at home all the time. I was like oh, so you don't have a job? Remember this chick, told me via email that they both have very demanding jobs and are never at home? No, she's at home all the time! Strike 93! When I asked her about work, she fumbled a bit. She didn't know why I was asking, you know when you want to give someone the answer they want to hear but aren't sure what they want to hear? That was her predicament. Poor Thing, the rent money was so close, she could smell it! PS. The tv she was talking about in the bedroom was going to be purchased with my refundable deposit money.

On our way out of the bedroom, I asked her about the elephant in the room or should I say the hole on the door. She told me that they were moving the bed into the room, she accidentally hit the door with her elbow. Sssuuurrreeee! Cos I'm some dumbo who will believe ridiculous sht like that. Of course, that was her man, he punched the door. I would say either she did or he did, but it was totally him. That girl is so on edge, you can tell she is in an abused relationship. And she's likely on drugs. I was on my way out, when she asked me to have a sit. She wanted me to meet her next door neighbor who is from South Africa. I didn't want to, but what are you gonna do? You don't wanna be that person who doesn't want to meet someone from your country. I sat right next to a coffee table that had cigarette ash on it. I took a picture of it. You know? For fun! I got up to get something from my handbag which was on the other end of the room. When I went back to my seat, the ash was gone. Well, sht! Abracadabra! If I hadn't taken that picture, I would have sworn I imagined that ash. Not that it mattered, I wasn't taking the place anyway.

The neighbor finally came by. She's a older white lady from the Western Cape. I love my South Africans, but when someone tells me they want to introduce me to someone from South Africa, so many questions go through my mind. Black or white? How do they feel about blacks? How do they feel about meeting other South Africans? Mhhh?!?!?!?!? How can I get out of this without meeting this person? Etc! The lady seemed nice, overenthusiastic, even! She told me about her kids who are all successful, they are all really wealthy, blah blah blah. Sht I had no interest in, at all. She gave me a vibe; either her kids are all bums and she's making the whole thing up or she doesn't even have kids. Oh and we spoke Afrikaans for a second. She seemed thrilled to have met someone with whom she can speak Afrikaans.

The prospective landlord also told me that they found all their furniture in the dumpster. Strike... What number are we at now? She offered me a ride to the buses. She told me she loves my vibe, well, what's not to love lol. I was thinking, sadly, the feeling is not mutual! Thanks, anyway! She told me she is done showing the room, she found her tenant. I thought to myself, nobody wants your dodgy room, sweetie, I know you guys have had it advertised for a month now, so please! By the way, her man dropped by. He looked mad as hell, like he was ready to punch a hole into the door. Granted, I don't know the guy, maybe that's his resting face. Shout out to all the mad faced resting face people! I've been told I'm unapproachable myself, so I know how it feels. I got a call from Hunter. He wanted to know which area I was at, so he could meet me somewhere close by. I told him. He went to the Starbucks in the neighborhood. As the girl insisted on dropping me off, I told her to take me there. She gave me about three hugs when we were about to part. She seemed like she was ready to burst out crying. Awww, cute! She missed me already! #GetMeOuttaHere!

She asked me to let her know that night if I was taking the place, I could move in the following day. She told me that she could give me a ride to the hostel, where we could pick up my stuff, and I could move in there and then if I liked. I felt so overwhelmed! She wouldn't give me space to breathe! P.S. The apartment is not walking distance from the Strip as was advertised. It would have taken me 20 minutes by bus stop to the strip. I checked on maps. That's not walking distance!

I got off the car, called Hunter to tell him I was outside. There were so many people at that Starbucks. I wasn't about to start scouring people's faces trying to figure out which one is Hunter. He didn't pick up when I called but popped out and Boom! He was right in front of me. Tink, tink, tink! Suddenly, I was hearing bells ringing softly, ever so gently, stars all around me, handsomeness. I must have died and gone to heaven! Hi! I think he reached out to shake my hand, but I opted to bless him with my well endowed bosom, and gave him a hug haha! He had a cap on. On his online picture, he had a hat on. Does this guy have a bald spot? Who cares, as B.B. King sings, You can leave your hat on! We went back to his table by the window. He had asked me while I was on my way, if I wanted him to order me my iced coffee, so that by the time I got there, it would be ready. I thought, aaaawww, sweet! I don't drink coffee, or anything for that matter, just water. So I told him I'll just have Ice water. It was still hot as hell. Those Starbucks tables for two are really small! I sat on them once in Hollywood during lunch break from the Judge Judy show with an extremely hot friend of mine. I don't know if sitting at a table with a hot person you wanna make out with, makes it that much smaller or those tables are really small!

This man was sitting across from me, he had his elbows on the table and his face rested on his hands, his eyes, which are such a work of art; I mean you can see every line; every different shade of green, hazel and where which color begins and ends, were looking deeply into mine. Into my soul!  In my life, I never felt so bare before, well, maybe when  I first met the guy I was at Starbucks, Hollywood with. That was not our first meeting. When we first met, he looked me like no one ever did before. I still have a soft spot for him, because there's something about how he looks at me. Or about how I feel when he looks at me. Oh, Christ! Anyway! Back to Starbucks, West Side, Las Vegas. Hunter complemented me on my eyes and smile, and great skin. Things, I thought were great about him! I sat there, melting. Slowly. Inside. He asked me a few questions about myself. He automatically took charge of the conversation. Normally, I'm the one who does that. I don't really want to, but someone has to, so I end up asking all the questions and all the other person does is answer and go, 'and you?' Some ass holes don't even ask and you, they enjoy talking about their lames ass selves.

I finished my water, and asked for some more. When we were done, Hunter told me that he was going for a dip in the pool. He invited me over. I was like, 'So you're asking me if I want to get naked in front of you today?' He laughed and said, you're not just beautiful and funny, you're smart too! I thought, Lord, enough with the compliments, I'm dying here. If I had any underwear on that day, if would have landed on the floor. Talk about an automatic panty dropper! This dude was laughing at all my jokes. He had a sense of humor, thank Goodness, finally! He was funny too. I had a couple of good laughs and when I was laughing, he would stare at me like he's never seen someone laugh before. It was magical! I politely declined the pool invite. He told me he was going to cook that night, he knows I said I was staying at a hostel, maybe I would like a home cooked meal. I accepted. I love how guys always cook for me! It's the best!

He took me to the hostel, I told him how nice it was to meet him and gave him a hug. He was like, wait, aren't you coming with me? That's when I realised, oh sht, I'm going to the pool with him, then dinner. By accepting dinner invitation, I automatically got myself trapped into going to the pool with him. Sht! Oh well, whatevz! I told him I needed to freshen up. He waited in the parking lot while I showered and changed into something poolly! I don't know how to swim, so I just put on a skirt, tank top and flip flops.

And That's How The Cookie Crumbled

All in all, it had been a nice first day as a Nevada Resident. I went back to the room, did some house hunting online, then went to sleep.

There were lots of places available near to The Strip aka Las Vegas Boulevard, which is where I was looking because, well, I didn't move to Vegas to live deep in the valley far away from it all. Plus, I needed to be close to public transportation. I made a few phone calls. Most of the apartments in the neighborhood were under rental agencies. They wanted me to provide proof of employment. Well, mam, I don't have one! I just moved to town in hopes of getting a job once I settle into my apartment! One of the agencies wanted me to pay Three times one month's rent, because I didn't have proof of employment. I thought about it for a moment, but then again, I was like that's too much money to entrust a random person with. What if when it's time to move out, they come up with stories and I lose all that money? I decided to let them be my last resort. 

I did a little bit of research while I was still in LA and saw tons of accommodation where they would be like a small deposit, or no deposit, month to month, no lease. Where were all those places now that I was in Vegas? I decided to look some more. If all else failed, I cold always just pay daily at the hostel until I found my own place. 

It was very hot! Vegas in hot in the summer, yo, this place doesn't play! I have experienced some hot summers, and Vegas Summer may be the hottest. I mean, the Summer in Utah was pretty up there as well and the one in Akhaltsikhe, Georgia. Is it me, or are the summers getting hotter? I mean, I wouldn't know, every summer, I'm in a different location altogether; 2014 - I was in Las Vegas, Nevada, 2013 - Salt Lake City, Utah, 2012 - New Haven, Connecticut, 2011 - Akhaltsikhe, (republic of) Georgia, 2011 - Uitenhage, South Africa (two summers and two winters in 2011 because I moved from one county to another during the  summer while it was winter in the other country and vice versa). I watched the backpackers check in and out of the hostel, going oit on excursions and stuff. I let some of them use my phone during meal times. I have unlimited calls, texts and internet. The hostel charges an arm and a leg for local calls, I didn't mind. 

It is pretty busy, that hostel. Busier than the one on Hollywood Boulevard I stayed at. It could also be the time of year I stayed at the different hostels. People were sleeping in the daytime and going out at night. Brilliant idea, considering the heat during the day. I wasn't on vacation, so I was on a totally different schedule. The room was always dark, blinds and curtains were always closed cos there was always someone sleeping. I thought that was fair.You want light? Go outside! There's plenty of it and a side of heat for free ninety nine!

I had changed my location details on the dating site weeks before moving to LA to Vegas. I started hearing from Vegas guys from then. I use the word guys loosely. In my opinion, there are guys and then there are, I don't know, others? I remember hearing from this man while I was still in LA who seemed very interested in me. He wanted me not to even bother looking for a place of my own to stay but to move in with him AND HIS MOM. Yeah, that'll be a no. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, burnt it, threw away the ashes. Thanks though, boo boo! The guy is two years older than me, so age appropriate, for a great change but! And there's a big BUTT BUT! Everything else wasn't going to work for me nor him for that matter. First, we chatted via email, then he asked for my number, he wanted to talk on the phone. I was like this guy is serious, I likey!

While Chatting with Mama's boy, I was also talking to another guy. He was older. He told me he doesn't do endless texting and email exchange. He wanted to talk over the phone. I was like, sure, why not? I mean, if he's a creeper, I can always block his ass. He gave me his number and asked me to call him. I don't know if it's me, America or the times but I see a lot of guys here who give girls their numbers and 'asks' them to call them. By ask, I mean, they say, 'call me!' So, basically, it's not even asking, they give girls their numbers and tell them to call them. I decided to text the man and have him call me. I just texted, 'hi, SoAndSo, it's Brook'. He asked, Brook from where? I was like WTF? We just exchanged emails. I didn't say that to him but I sure thought it. I just texted him back lol. Meaning, well, whatever you want it to mean, it differs from case to case. He called me and apologised for his text, saying he didn't mean to be rude. I asked if he knew who he was talking to. He said, you're the one with a kid, right? Definitely not! He asked me which one I was. I told him that unless he knows who he is talking to, I wasn't going to continue with that conversation. I said bye and hung up.

He texted back immediately, 'Sorry, Brook. I'm about to enter the freeway. It's very noisy where I am, I couldn't hear you clearly. I don't want to lose you. You're such a beautiful woman. I'm flattered you even want to talk to talkl to me. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." Cute and all but at the risk of sounding like an obnoxious celebrity, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I never responded to his text. He was too all over the place for me, plus I had packing to do. He called back in about ten minutes. He seemed to have figured out who I was. He probably went back to his emails and put two and two together. Like 90% older man in Vegas, he is a war veteran. Not that old! Some of the are in their forties. The ones I've talked to are all unemployed and getting some kind of a check from the government that they are very proud of. While we were talking on the phone, I heard a familiar sound; it was the bus ticket machine, soon after that, I heard the voice thingy that tells you what the next stop is etc. I asked him where he was. He told me he had just gotten on the bus. What?!?!?!?!!? When he told me he was about to get on the freeway, I assumed he was driving. Didn't you?

I hate to say it, but when I heard that, I just rolled my eyes. That was one more nail on the coffin. That and the fact that at his age, he was neither working nor trying to find a job. What am I going to do with an unambitious man like that? He's not too old to work! He told me he was released from the army forever ago, because of some minor injury. As we were talking, he mentioned that he does work downtown Vegas as a volunteer peacemaker or something like that. The people love and respect him there. When he tells people to pick up trash after themselves, they do it! Whoop de fcking doo! That's how I wanna spend the rest of my life. Listening to him tell me how may people he forced to pick up their gum after they threw it on the sidewalk for no pay! I could care less! I don't want his money but I would like him to value his time more than working 40 hours for free. Doing the same thing other people do for money, but for no pay. That's just ridiculous to me. This reminds me of when I was getting kicked out of Cindy's house by her husband. When the Mormon Bishop told me that he could get me a full time job where I would work for a plate of food. God forgive me for what I just said to the Bishop in my head, Amen!

The older guy and I talked for about 30 minutes. Half of it was repeats because I think he is hard of hearing. Probably age because, quite honestly he lookes 15-20 years older than he said he was; or something happened during his army days, what with all the banging from the machines and bombs. What do I know, I'm just a girl from Africa. He mentioned that he was on his way to his sister's house to help her out because he loves to help people. Ok, whatever! nobody cared about that! I don't care how good a person you think or say you are. Prove it! Surprise me with your actions of kindness, don't preach it! So to keep the conversation going, I asked him how far his sister lived from him, if she had a family of her own. I mean, why would you have to go all the way to your sister's house by bus to help her around her house if she is married? I had to ask. He told me that that was personal, it was none of my business and that I had crossed the line. He got very worked up about that. I apologized, rolling my eyes. I mean, at this point, that's all I can do having dealt with all the kinds of loonies I have. We ended the call, and that was that.

I continued packing quickly. I had a show to go to that afternoon. The younger guy guy called. He told me he just wants one thing from me, and it will be a done deal. Like, I can move in with him and his mother. As if I said I needed a place to stay. He asked if I could..Oh Lord, my skin crawls just thinking about this. Yuucckkk! First, I asked him to please not ask me anything sexual. I'm not about that! he told me it wasn't sexual, it's just something that he likes. He really likes it. It's not a big deal, I probably, won't mind doing it. I tell ya, I had a weird feeling about this. I literally was panting up and down, freaking the freak out! He asked me if  I would mind spitting loogies on his face when we're together. Now, here's the thing; I had never heard of this term until then, but he used spit, so I knew it was something I wanted no part of! I never want to spit on anyone, don't wanna think about spit, talk about it, or even think about it. For those, who may never heard of this word before; I'll save you the time to google search and, share with you the 'top description' of the word from the internet (Yuck Alert!) ; TOP DEFINITION 

loogie 

a large slimy glob of spit, mixed with nose snot, that is formed by coughing up and hocking whats in your throat. 

He went on to tell me that he wanted me to chew up some food and mix it with the grossness and spit it on his face. I was like, are you nuts? Noooooo! I will never do that to anyone! I told you not to talk about anything sexual, this, right here, is sexual! It's your fetish, that's sexual. WTF dude! He got really mad, he said that  I was judging him blah blah blah. I said, listen, dude, I don't know you, you don't know me. I am not here to tell you what to like and what not to like. Go ahead and like your gross stuff but I want no part of it. If this is what you're into, it's obviously a big deal to you and a deal breaker, which is fine by me. He told  me that his exes all did it, they didn't mind. It's not a big deal. I told him, it is. He had told me that he is 39 or so, had been married for 15 years since he was 25. He has a 25 year old from the marriage. Being the quick witted, smarty pants that I am, I added up the figures and had to ask how long he had been divorced for, you know, to see if it all adds up. so far, it wasn't because, it meant that he was 14 when his son was conceived or even 13. Which doesn't add up because he was 25 when he got married. Anyway, He told me he had been divorced for 2 years or whatever. My point is, this dude was all over the place. Clearly he was due for some loogie action. Overdue. He got mad and hung up. HE hung up on ME!

Then he texted me, and apologized, he told me this wasn't a deal breaker for him, I didn't have to comit just yet. If I can just tell him I will think about it. This guy is on some welfare situation, he sits on the couch all day and watches tv and plays video games. I told him it would never work out. Bye Felicia!

So that's how the cookie crumbled with those two guys, but I was still talking to others here and there. You know how internet dating is, well, or you don't, in which case, keep it that way! I got an email from a really cute guy. as the one and only, Elvis Presley sings,
'Well, Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawdy Miss Clawdy
Girl, you sure look good to me
But, please, don't excite me, baby...' Dude sure excited me! I was like, what have we here! Green eyes, you know, I like them blue, but I'll take beautiful eyes any color I can get them! He had long hair and amazing skin. I responded to his email not expecting anything in return. HE WROTE ME BACK! And again, and again and........

Why Be So Nasty And So Rude

In the words of Kevin Hart in  Think Like a Man Too, "this is Vegas!"

I checked in at the hostel, I had already booked a bed for my first week in Vegas whereby I would be looking for a place to live. I would then take it from there. They have storage for giant luggage pieces in the office. I left my big pieces there and took my carry on with me, laptop, headphones etc. I was going to have 9 roommates after all. Never be caught unprepared! There were two people or so in the room when I got there. I said hi. One responded, one didn't. What are you gonna do? Maybe they have headphones on, maybe they are focused on something and didn't hear me, maybe they are deaf, maybe they don't understand English, maybe they don't feel like saying hi, maybe, maybe, maybe.

I picked a bed. Since boarding school, I have always liked the top bunk. The thought of someone stepping on my bed with their dirty feet, or better yet, shoes on my bedding, didn't sit well with me. I want to be the person who steps on people's bed. As the late Mahatma Gandhi said, Be the change you want to see in the world. So I be the change! No? That's not what he meant? My bad! Alas, all the top bunks were taken when I got there. It was May 31st, the very beginning of Summer. I expected the place to be busy. I was just happy they had a bed for me. I found a bed in the middle of the dorm with two beds on either side of me, so I had people from three top bunks step on my bed to get to the top. You know what they say about not focusing on what you don't want? Well... It was all good though. You can't have a stick up your ass when you travel a lot. You've got to be open minded and easy going. Especially if you stay in hostels. If you want to be high maintenance, book a private hotel room!

I freshened up in our only shower in the room. One shower and toilet for 10 people. Problem? No problem! We are backpackers, we'll make it work. We're grateful to have indoor plumbing. Most of people in hostels have been in the roughest places anyways. That's what I like about hosteling. Not a word, I know, well, I think. It's not highlighted though. I guess it is a word. Hosteling, mh, whoda thunk it? Now that is really not a word! At east, not officially.


I went for a walk and took pictures along The Strip. It was very, very hot. I didn't go too far. I went as far as the closest fast food restaurant, Burger King. I grabbed a burger and Ice cream. I am not a big fan of Ice cream. Maybe I no longer have the sweet tooth I used to have growing up. You will seldom see me buying candy, I am not those girls who can't go so many days without eating chocolate, and I don't drink Soda or coffee. Here and there, I drink, Green tea, Peppermint tea and or Chamomile tea. All herbal teas for the health benefits and I don't add sugar. Anyway, on my way back to the hostel, I thought to myself, I'm in Vegas! What am I going to do for the rest of the evening? I called The old man that I was supposed to meet up with on my birthday trip to Vegas in April. Remember him? Tortoise? The one who performed an entire blues song over the phone for me the first time we spoke on the phone? Well, there was no speaking, he performed the song and then hung up. He picked up. I was like,

Me:    hhhhiiiiiii!
Tort:  Yes!
Me:    How are you? Long Time!
Tort:  What do you want?
Me:    What the heck! What?
Tort:  You heard me! What do you want?
Me:    Uhm, you don't want me to call you? I thought I'd just call and say hi!
Tort:  Oh, hi.
Me:    Why be so nasty and so rude? Just Kidding, those are Nene's words. I                   should've said that though. Why are you so cold to me right now?
Tort:  Brook, you came to Vegas and left without seeing me!You didn't even call
          me while you were here.
Me:    I did call you. I called you the very first day I arrived in Vegas.
Tort:  And you never called me again.
Me:   Tortoise, you have my number and two phones; a house phone and a                     cellphone, you could've called me as well. You have my email address, you           could've emailed me. Why are you making it my responsibility to call?
Tort:  I was waiting for you to call me when you had a chance to meet up, Instead,           you left without meeting me
Me:    Well, I'm here now!
Tort:  Here where?
Me:    Here in Vegas?
Tort:  You're in Vegas? You're not in Vegas! You went back to LA last month!
Me:   So you're gonna tell me I'm not here even though, I myself am telling you that
          I'm here.
Tort:  What are you doing here?
Me:   Well, I am going to live here, I just moved here
Tort:  When:
Me:  Today. I arrived a few hours ago.
Tort:  Where are you going to stay?
Me:  I'm staying at the hostel on Las Vegas Boulevard.
Tort:  Which hotel, the strip is full of hotels?
Me:   Hostel not hotel.
Tort:  I can't believe this. That must be temporary, where are you going to stay                 after?
Me:   I am looking for a place, maybe a studio apartment or a furnished room.
Tort:  Well, you know, I don't have beds in my house. What's your budget?
Me:   No, no no no! I didn't call to ask for a place to stay, I will rent a place closer            to the strip. I'll be fine!
Tort:  You'd better be careful, it's dangerous here, do you have pepper spray?
Me:   No!
Tort:   A Gun?
Me:  Tortoise, please, I just arrived. I will be making this place my home for a
         while, please don't dampen my spirits now. It's too early for that!
Tort: It's the truth, you're gonna need such things here especially as a woman                alone.
Me:  Anyway, talk to you later.Thanks for taking my call(aintNobodygottimeforthat)
Tort:   Wait, what are you doing tonight?
Me:    Probably sleeping!
Tort:  Come here! I'll email you my address.
Me:   Uhm, no! You come here!
Tort:  Ok. I'll come get you!
Me:   Yeah, I'm not coming to your place though, so
Tort:  Let's go grab dinner or something. I'll buy you a burger
Me:   Heck no! No burgers!
Tort:  A pizza?
Me:   No, tortoise, if you want to take me out, take me to an actual restaurant,                  none of that fast food business. No dollar menu items. I can buy that myself
Tort:  (giggled) ok, I'll take you to a nice restaurant close to my house.
Me:   There are lots of restaurants on the Strip. We can go there.
Tort:  Why don't I come there, then we'll figure something out? Text me your                    address.
Me:  Ok, sure. Call me when you get here. Cheers!

I headed back to the room. Put on a dress and some sandals. I was still tired and it was too hot to dress up. I just wanted to look decent. He arrived in about 30 minutes. He called when he was at the parking lot. I grabbed my purse and headed out. I was happy to have something to do that night and to finally meet Tortoise after all the time we had been talking on line and over the phone. Before he hung up, he asked me again, how tall I was. I told him I am 6'4, which I obviously am not. That's 193cm or 1.9m. I did tell him eventually, how tall I am. He lied and told me he was shorter than he is. I guess his height is his thing. He couldn't wait to show it off. Forgetting the fact that he's a hundred years old. There should come a point in time where vanity subsides and you lead either with your charm or your pocket. Don't judge me, I'm just saying!

He got out of the car, he is tall, about 6'3. He had a pink button down shirt on, which he folded on the sleeves, a hat, long hair that's tied to a pony, knee long shorts and sneakers. It sounds kinda out there on paper, but he made it work. He looked ok. You could tell he was comfortable. It's his style, I guess because, that's how he was dressed in his online pictures. We hugged and I tried not to run for the hills. He is quite in shape but there's something about the face that, I don't know. He's not ugly, there's no such thing as ugly anyway. At least, in my opinion. He looked too old, I think... or something. We chatted in the parking lot for a second. He said let's get in the car and go eat. First, he commented on how short I am. I'm thinking to myself, Shut the f*ck up! You're old, what the heck! The nerve!

He was playing music in the car. You know me, I can be an old soul when it comes to music. I happened to know and like what he was playing. It was Bob Dylan. I commented on the music. He brought up the subject of me being his backup singer again. I was like, here we go! He told me that he is looking for an attractive lady to be his backup singer, and he thinks I fit the bill. Aw, so kind! We got on the freeway. I was like are we going to Salt Lake City? That's when I saw the sign. He was like no, do you wanna go there? I told him I have friends there, I wouldn't mind. He just laughed. Before I knew it we were pulling up in front of his house. He told me he needed to pick up something and asked if I wanted to get in. I told him that it was very nice of him to offer, but no thanks. I mean, WTF? Didn't I tell this man over and over again that I didn't want to go to his house? Who takes a girl to their house on the very first meeting? Never mind, rhetorical question.

He soon came out. We went to a casino not to far from his house, picked a restaurant and had dinner there. We were sitting, waiting for our food and just talking. He was checking out my energy, apparently, he has this talent to pick up on people's energies. He told me that when I first met him I was scared. Er, ya think? People are uneasy when they meet, this is not rocket science. He told me that I was easing up to him, but was still not there yet. Again, not rocket science! You must see what he does to pick up these vibes though. I had to put my hands facing up as if I am begging. he hovered his hangs over mine as if they have a magnet or something. He grew up in the sixties, he's a hippie. And it's ok. It was until, he tried to remove something on me with his own saliva. He literally spat on his finger and aimed. I was like, hold up! It's ok! I'm fine, thanks! Sht!

While we were still checking each other's energies and stuff, I happen to glance at the tv and who do I see sitting in the front row of Judge Judy's Courtroom? ME! I was like, oh my gosh, there I am! He went, I be damned! He saw me as well. He was so excited. I think he wanted to tell people in the restaurant that I was on tv. But he was able to contain himself. Imagine if he acted like he didn't hear me when I told him there I was lol. That would have made for an awkward moment. I've had that happen to me haha. I ordered Steak and Shrimp, Fries and Veggies, green beans or something green. I can't remember what he had. Food was ok.

After dinner, it was late already. We were there for quite a while. I had been talking to Tortoise for a while so we didn't run out of things to talk about. We had a nice, friendly gel going on. He took me straight home after dinner. He told me he had a good time and suggested we do it again. I was game. I was saying a silent prayer, please, Lord, don't let him try to kiss me. Please, Lord, don't let him try to kiss me, please Lord...