Monday, December 15, 2014

Obama Care

Fortunately, I was able to get rid of Chris before walking into my apartment block main entrance. Whew!

We stood there for a minute, both wishing we were on the other side for different reasons. I stalled a little bit and bade him farewell until he finally got it through his thick skull that it was time to go by bye. 

I went upstairs to my apartment and continued packing. I must stay I've gotten really good at it, having moved 20 times in the past three years. Dang, I didn't realise it was that many times! That's not even including the one week stays here and there. My gosh! And to think I am making plans to move again! Aaaanyway!

I got a call from Rancho, remember him, the wife killer ? He was just calling to say hi, blah. I told him I wanted to see him. He half joked and asked if I was going to give him some. Of course, I said, yes. Clearly, I'm a slut, so let's play along! He was like, 'really?' I said, Sure, why not? He asked me to buy him soda, he was driving, he wanted to try and beat traffic, he would pay me back. Again, 'sure'! I didn't know if he was really going to come. Turns out, he really was on his way. That guy is serious about getting laid. I hadn't seen him in more than a month, maybe even more. He had lost weight, he looked a bit taller too. Not hotter, just less weight and more height, that's it! He couldn't look me in the eye. That is one guy, of all the people I've ever known in my life, who could never look me in the eye! I don't know if it's his thing or just me. He does have some kind of a lazy eye situation. That's not the issue though, cos none of his eyes make eye contact with me. 

We went to the apartment. He asked where my roommate was. As if to imply he was down for a threesome. Dude, come on now! You and I have never and will never even be engaged in a two some, why are you being so ambitious right now? I just told him she was at work, she would be back much later. He hopped into bed with his shoes on.I was like, really, right now? With your shoes on? He took the shoes off, and jumped back into bed, said he was feeling hot (it wasn't hot), he pulled his shirt all the way up, unhooked his belt and unbuttoned his pants. Dude meant business! He didn't drive all the way to Hollywood through LA Traffic to just hang out. He wanted to get laid! I pretended not to notice any of those shenanigans. I told him I was going to be moving to Vegas in a couple of weeks. I was fiddling on the laptop as I was talking to him. He, on the other hand was doing a strip tease behind me.

There is nothing more of a turn on, to me at least, than a guy who obviously just wants to get laid! Oh my goodness! That's like a guy who brings a condom when he comes to see you. Are you joking? Someone you have never ever slept with, brings a condom when he comes to hang out with you. F*ck you, asshole! I am not saying, don't be prepared but to come prepared to my f*cking house! Go be prepared elsewhere.This is not a whorehouse! What, you are so convinced I'm gonna give up the goods, you thought you were finally gonna use that ragged ass condom, you've had for years just before it expires? Fat chance! The last guy who did that to me in Georgia, had that condom opened up and stuffed in his mouth. Bringing a condom when you come over to my place, is like pushing my head towards your crotch when we make out. Like, WTF? Why are you trying to get head right now? We're just kissing, it ain't that serious? Take a cold shower, pervert! Just the thought of it, pisses me off. The thought that you think I want to suck your privates makes my stomach turn. You should feel honored I am letting you kiss me. Let's not get carried away now! Bye girl, bye!

After fiddling on the PC, and coincidentally playing music that Rancho likes. He was so surprised that a girl from Africa even knows those songs. I was surprised that a square like him knows music, like any songs at all.He tried to kiss me but I had already noticed that his teeth were kinda funky that night. Nothing is more of a turn off!So after fiddling on the PC, I turned around and said, 'let's go to the beach!' He was like, really? Am I gonna get laid when we come back? I said, sure! He got dressed. We headed downstairs to the car. I asked to pose for some selfies on our way out. He was driving the late wife's car, the SUV. We drove down Santa Monica Boulevard, that was street. It goes all the way to the Beach. I love night time drives. The lights make any town look amazing at night. I remember being out in Georgia for the first time at night. It looked amazing, we couldn't stop taking pictures. We were busy with training during the day for the entire week, so we could only go out at night. When we finally went out in the day time, we were like, uhm?!?!!??!!?

Rancho was yawning all the way to the beach, it wasn't cute at all. I was getting nervous. I've seen him sleep drive before. I wasn't in the mood for that again. And I felt bad because he still had to take me back home and then go to his place. As soon as we arrived to the weirdest, most darkest part of the beach, he made a U-turn and told me it's too late, let's go back. I said, sure. It was really late. I thought he was going to take us to Venice Beach where there's a lot going on. I didn't know he was gonna take us to that deserted part of town! On our way back, there was an accident, so we were stuck for quite a while. I felt bad, he was falling asleep. We made it back safely, in fact, he even took me to Mc Donald's for Ice cream. He's not cheap but that was the closest spot to where we were and he needed soda. I didn't buy it for him and he's diabetic so he gets thirsty a lot. When we got to my place, I wasted no time, I kissed him in the cheek, thanked him for coming and jumped out the car. Even Stevie Wonder could see that guy wasn't getting laid that night. 

He cursed at me via text on his way home. I didn't care. My roommate got home just after me. I told her about my adventure, we had a good laugh about it. She was busy going on dates, left, right and centre too. Even more so than me. I had slowed down. She was on Tinder, there's a lot of half naked guys on there. Not as many as on Scruff, the gay dating app. I saw that when I used to room with Jon. She had her bikini pics on there too, she's a model so, holler! Tinder is not my cuppa, that's one site or app, I've never been into. It seems more of a hook up site to me, kinda like Plenty of Fish. I want more than that. She went out with some cute guys, most of them are models. Tall, really hot guys. She's tall and really hot too, so it was only fair. One of the guys she went out with is a guy named Obama. She used to put them on speaker when they called. We would both discuss what she should say in conversations and had so much fun with them. She would laugh so uncontrollably, she had to hang up on them a few times and then lie and say she dropped her phone. I appreciated her naivety when it comes to dating. She would meet a guy, he would ask to go out, but then just before it was time to meet up, he would cancel. He wouldn't call for a week or more than all of a sudden call as he got home from work at night, and ask if she wanted to watch movies on Netflix at his place. Uhm, you have Netflix at your place, why do you have to go to a guy's place in the middle of the night to watch nextlix in bed when you can watch it in your own bed and not be harassed by some random stranger? Booty call alert! 

Some guys would ask her where she wants to go, I'd say for dinner of course! She would say, no, it's too soon. She just wants to talk, I be like then talk over dinner! Why not? People do it all the time! One guy was like, let's go to Starbucks. She asked what I thought about that. I told her she was asking the wrong girl because I don't drink coffee. Anyway, three of so times, with three different guys, they just went to the beach. It was cold and dark. I mean, it's romantic but it was a first date and the guy didn't even buy her a drink of water. When she told him she was thirsty, he stopped when they were near restrooms and told her he was going to wait for her while she went to drink water from the toilet sink haha! Big City dating! You meet all kinds of people. 

I told her she's too sweet for LA Dating, she needs to toughen up. A guy won't make you drink water from the toilet if they didn't think you would agree to that. By the way,  she didn't drink the water, they went to a fast food place and bought herself something. Obama is originally from Ghana. I think he was going to school in LA. Apparently, he's the shit in Ghana. I mean, the guy is a looker. I've seen his pictures. One night, Carly was talking about him. She hadn't heard from him in a while, he had cancelled on her last minute and then all of a sudden, wanted to watch Netflix in bed with her. I was like, call him. We'll figure out what we're gonna say when he picks up. Nobody every uses the calling part of cellphones anymore. All everyone does is text. Exceptfor Chris. The one person I wish would rather text than call. Or leave me alone, period. Carly called Obama, He picked up and sounded happy to hear from her. In our improvised conversation,  I told her to invite him to her upcoming birthday party at our place. Her birthday had already passed and she wasn't going to throw a party at all. Whatever, who is going to take a guy named Obama seriously? Especially after he practically stood you up? He was so excited, he told her he would definitely be there, and then all of a sudden, said the most absurd thing, that nobody every says in this century. He said, Alright! Alright! Alright! With such gusto too. Like who says that? I literally  went into shock! I looked at Carly like, how the f*ck old is this dude? She burst out laughing and had to hang up because we weren't about to stop laughing anytime soon. He called her right back, but she wasn't in a position to speak, still laughing! When she was ready, she asked me to please not say anything ever again when she is on the phone. I was like, but I didn't say anything, I just looked at you in utter amazement, that's all. She said, ok, then don't look at me at all. Haha. She called him back, they made final arrangements about the non party. Towards the end of the conversation,  I could tell they were wrapping it up, I whispered, Alright, Alright, Alright. She said it to him. HE SAID IT RIGHT BACK! What a doofus! He didn't know we were making fun of him. Poor Guy. That became our inside joke. Alright x3.

Rancho got over himself, we talked some more via calls and texts after that sexless booty call. He told me that he would be going on a family vacation to Vegas on the same day I was going to move to Vegas. I half jokingly asked him to take with him some of my luggage. He told me that they would be using his sister's rented car. Blah blah blah, white noise. He is always doing something with his'family'. If I were his girl, I probably would have some kind of a problem with that. But I'm not, so woulda, coulda, shoulda. He told me that he wanted to meet up that weekend. I agreed. I was going to arrive noon-ish, so would they, so we would have all day to figure out what, where and why and everything in between. He comes to Vegas quite often to gamble and apparently he wins a lot too. Nice for him.

I told Daniel that I would be moving to Vegas. He wouldn't believe me. He told me that I 'wouldn't move to Vegas, there's nothing to do there'. He told me he refused to believe me. Guess what? Six months later, he still can't believe I'm here. Talk about Doubting Thomas. What's next? Is he gonna wanna put his finger in my side and see the nail marks in my hands? John 20:24-29. What? I know the Holy Book! I may not look it, but I know my sh*t!

I told all my friends about my pending move and started saying my goodbyes to my close friends individually. Most of the people I told about moving, would turn around and tell me how they need to move to Vegas, how they have always wanted to move to another city altogether and the reasons why they have always wanted to do it. They would tell me that they think it's time for them to finally do it. Time for them to move to Vegas. It got to the point where I stopped telling people I wasn't that close with because even the ones I was close to were doing this, I didn't need to hear it from people I didn't care that much for. People were asking to add me on Facebook or for my number. They wanted me to tell them when I have settled down in Vegas so they can come visit to see if it's for them. Some would tell me to call them when I have settled so they would move here. If I need a roommate, to count them in. I was dying!