Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Little Drummer Boy

So, one evening, I decided, Screw it! Let me call Tortoise's Drummer friend or text him. I texted something along the lines of hey, how are you? I'm Tort's friend. He said to text you :)' and then I forgot about it. Life went on, two days or so later, he called. I've a bit of a situation with numbers, I can't get them out of my head no matter how hard I try. This dates back pre-cellphones, where you would have to write down someone's number and go call them on a public phone. When I say you, I mean I. I don't know what your deal is, maybe you've always had a cellphone! I would break up with a guy, or he would break up with me, which is more realistic and I wouldn't be able to get their number out of my head. That would lead to disastrous results. Long story short, I had deleted the text I sent to Drummer but when he called, just by looking at the last four digits on my screen, I knew it was him. I picked up. We talked for hours.

He told me that he hung out with Tort one evening after giving him a ride to his house because Tort had locked his keys in the car. Drummer took Tort home to fetch his spare keys. They then went back to Tort's for drinks and weed. They played some music, Tort on guitar and Drummer... well, on drums. Turns out, Drummer had drums at the back of his truck. Don't ask! He told me that Tort told him the story of his life, how he missed his children who for years were not a part of his life blah blah blah, but he never told him anything about me. Apparently, Tort just asked for the guy's number, wrote it down and called it a day. Well, Drummer says Tort did talk about me in passing, something about a female friend of his who is from South Africa, but that was it.

Drummer was glad I reached out. After he told me that he was not expecting my call, I felt like the thirstiest b..ch on the block. Oh well. He seemed like an easy going guy, he told me about his life, how he is rich, he retired not too long ago, withdrew all the money in his retirement fund and got a good sum of money from work as well. He was taking care of his ailing mom. When he said that, I lost my erection. Like, why does he have to stay with his parents? What a turn off! I didn't believe the rich part because who says they are rich?

We talked for an hour, got cut off, he called back, we talked for another hour, got cut off, then texted back and forth and agreed to meet the following day. He was going to pick me up from my place and take me to the bar. I was to buy him a beer, he was going to buy me Shirley Temples.
A Shirley Temple is a non-alcoholic mixed drink traditionally made with ginger ale, a splash of grenadine and garnished with a maraschino cherry.
That's for people, like me, who before this didn't know what a Shirley Temple is. For the rest of you, good for you! 

He was going to pick me up in the evening, he hadn't asked for my address, I thought that was going to happen the following day. We did have the entire day before the meeting after all. Never heard from the guy again! No phone call, no text, no email, no FB, no message via Tortoise, no nothing! And that's how the cookie crumbled! 

Tort and I hadn't talked for weeks. He sort of disappeared off the face of the earth. I wasn't going to dig around for him. Last time I reached out to him was via an email where I asked how he was doing, he replied, "y?" A Y he copied from me. I used that before and he asked what it meant, all of a sudden, he was getting me with the taste of my own medicine, good going, asshole!

When I didn't hear back from Drummer, it was what it was, I mean, what was I going to do? Call him? He called me after about a week and told me he had some splaining to do. I love all races but I can't stand it when a white person thinks it's cool to act black around me. Not cool! All all! Be who you are! Don't be a nuisance, also, I am not African American, so don't try to fit into my culture by acting African American, that's a no win situation right there! He told me that his mom had been very ill, he didn't even have his phone nearby, just focusing entirely on his mom. His siblings won't help with his mom blah blah blah. I'm sorry, I don't do excuses, or reasons or whatever you wanna call them! Could you not text me while sitting in the toilet? Or something? Come on! Don't tell me we're meeting tomorrow and then never contact me again and expect me to still be cool with you. Ain't gonna work!

I asked him over and over to send me a picture of himself, he refused, he refused. He was like what if I don't like how he looks. He just wanted to meet up, be friends, see where the whole thing will lead, which I was totally ok with until he stood me up. He wanted to know how I met Tort. I told him that we met on a dating site. He was like, whoa! You dated Tort! I told him, no, I didn't. We just talked and became friends. He jumped to a conclusion that I must have been open to dating Tort for me to give him my contact details and stay in touch with him that long blah blah blah. What a closed minded fool! Who cares anyway? I didn't even know what he looked like, he failed to meet me when he had asked me to, so what's the beef?

He couldn't be long on the phone, he told me he had just called to apologise. I never heard from him again. Like for real this time! I was ok with it. Whatevz. Maybe he and tort walked into the sunset and lived happily ever after with each other.

There's a dude that I met online. He was like hey, do you wanna go for drinks or something? This was the very same evening he first contacted me. I thought, this is my kind of guy, we wen't going to spend eternity back and forthing with emails and sht, but I had to politely decline and ask to meet up the following day in daylight. He agreed. He told me he rode a bike. He wanted me to meet him in a shopping centre near his house. Uhm, no?  Come to the Strip. That's where I was plus, it's the Strip, everybody goes there. He agreed.

I got ready that morning, he called me when he was on his way towards The Strip and when he had arrived. He told me he was on the corner of Las Vegas Blvd and Charleston. That was down the street from where I was, but where exactly are you boo? I'm not meeting you at the traffic light, this is not that kind of deal! He told me he was going to just meet me there, then we could ride together somewhere. I had a weird feeling about the whole thing. You know me, I have met people in all kinds of situations, that was a first, even for me! I walked towards the place. There's a Walgreens there, he was parked at the back of it. He was soooooo hot! I didn't see that coming! He had sent me some vague ass pictures, in one of them, all you could see was his brain! The camera was right in front of the nostrils. I am not sure what the intention of that picture was. Maybe he was checking if his nose was clean and didn't have a mirror. The fck do I know!

He was really tall, nice body, he would've looked hotter if he was riding a real motorbike. He was on a Moped. I am sorry, It's hard to take a grown man seriously on that girly bike. But that's just me! I did pose on it for a picture though. Why not, right?


He asked if I liked it, I  said I did because what else do you say? He took me for a spin on it. It was nice, two grown people squashed on a moped. What better way to enjoy Vegas? He then tried to steal a kiss. That came from nowhere. I thought he's cute but I am not understanding what's going on right now. So I smiled and told him I had to go. He asked if I didn't want to go back to his place. No, dude, I don't want to sit in this condensed situation with your for a minute longer, plus, I don't want to go back to your place at 11am. You're being ridiculous! He asked to see me again, I told him to call me