Do you spit or do you swallow?

My new boss had told me he would give me money on my arrival at work so I could get whatever I needed around the apartment. That didn’t happen, I couldn’t even get hold of him on the phone when I got there. He had previously told me that he was on vacation in another State. He had also promised to pay me monthly. I’d have preferred getting paid weekly like everybody else in the United States of America, but ok. The first month was also T’s birth month. I was excited to be working so I could get her something nice for her birthday. I owed her a lot for all her help and friendship. Boss changed his mind and promised to pay me every other week. That was better for me!  I didn’t get paid the first two weeks . And the next.  I couldn’t get hold of my boss. There I was having just gone through a gruelling month at work, more like a boot camp and I didn’t even get paid for it! I could’ve quit but where would I go?

I stuck it out, with the hope that at some point, when my boss was back from his ever so long vacation, he would pay me. I did inform Avon, just so somebody knew about it. Her friend offered to pay me and have Boss reimburse her. I couldn’t let her do that. What if Boss had no intentions of paying me! God forbid. The other Private Aides (my job) were getting paid weekly, they were shopping up a storm, eating out, having parcels delivered for them, Nothing for Brook.

The other Aides were very nice people, Effie, from Nigeria, another lady from Jamaica, one from Cameroon, who was cool too but she quit soon after I started there and another one from Ghana, that one was a bit of a character but whatever, variety is a spice of life. Effie and I became closer and closer with time. She was my best friend there. I noticed my friendship with T dwindling from the moment  I arrived in New Jersey. The calls became fewer, more of my calls were not picked, whenever I got a call back, someone would coincidentally call and I would have to hang up and promised a call back which never happened. Also, the content of our calls was more of, “So what are you going to do with your money, when you get paid cos it’s gonna be a lot! He might even give you a bonus because he will be paying you late!” I told her I wanted a car, It was vital to that field of work. “Why would you want to buy a car now, you should buy clothes! Winter clothes are going to be on sale. I will take you to the stores, You can buy tracksuits, this, that and the other.” Uhm or I can buy a car!

“Brook, have you decided what you are going to do with your money? I‘ve been thinking; You should buy a new phone! Buy the latest Blackberry. You really need a phone!” Uhm, Well, I need a car, so I think that’s what I’m gonna buy! You don’t listen, blah blah blah! End of the month came and I didn’t get paid. I was sad because I wanted to surprise T and get her something nice for her Birthday. When she and I went to New York one weekend, we drove past Sunglass Hut. I took a picture and told her  I would tag my nephew on Facebook. He had worked at their Sandton branch and loved it there. She became interested in Sunglass Hut and asked her boyfriend to buy her sunglasses from there. Apparently he had told her they are unnecessarily expensive, and he wasn’t going to do that. I thought I would surprise her by getting her the sunglasses for her birthday.

I had left some clothes at the apartment in Connecticut, T’s idea. I needed some of the clothes and because I could see the friendship was going south, I thought it best to have all my stuff with me. I asked her to ship me the stuff as promised. “I never promised to ship you those clothes, Brook!”  Interesting! I remember very well having that conversation with her. The other idea I had was to go to Connecticut. Brad and I had been talking for two months. I thought I would take a weekend off work and spend it with her. I would also spend some time  with Brad AND on the way back, get my stuff from the apartment.

I called T, ever so excited to tell her about the plans. She cut me off,

T:            Why do you want to come here when you have an apartment?

Me:        I do? Where?

T:            In New Haven! That’s our apartment!

Me:        It is?

T:            Of course, your stuff has been there for an entire month, who do you think is going to pay your share of rent? Here in America, it doesn’t matter what you have in someone’s apartment, you have to pay rent. I TOLD YOU TO TELL N WHEN YOU WERE LEAVING, YOU DIDN’T LISTEN TO ME. ADMIT IT, YOU WEREN’T LISTENING WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT!

Me:        You told me to leave the stuff there, you would ship it to me as soon as possible and then tell me how much it cost you so I could reimburse you!

T:            I NEVER SAID THAT.

After back and forth of he said, she said,  I had to go, I told her I had to go and hung up. She called me back.

T:            BROOK, YOU’RE WORKING NOW, YOU’RE HANGING UP ON ME?

Me:        I told you I had to go. (who’s not listening now)

That was a super awkward moment.  I sent her a text a few days later asking her to ship my clothes. She never responded. I GOT PAID! After working Five weeks with no pay, but I was happy to finally get paid. Because I had made a commitment, albeit to myself, I was still follow through. I ordered a gift voucher of $100 (R900) from Sunglass Hut. They had a Sale. Sunglasses were $80 and the ones T liked were $89. I had the voucher shipped to her work address, where she lived and texted her to the fact. I send her friend (a South African), who played a big role in getting me the job a $100 money order and mailed it to her address. She lived in New Jersey, so she would have  received it either the same day or the next. I never heard from her as to whether or not she got it. I sent it as a surprise.  I sent another lady, also from South Africa, a $100 gift voucher from Macy’s as a thank you. She sent me a very heartfelt text thanking me.

No word from T and her friend from NJ with regards to whether or not they got my surprises. I called them both, no answer. I sent her a text asking if she got it. She replied that she hadn’t. The friend told me she got it but forgot to let me know. WOW! I bet you she didn’t forget to tell T about it!

Brad, on the other hand, after telling him my plans of going to Connecticut, told me what he wanted to do to me, in fact, more like what he wanted me to do to him; “I want you to suck my this, lick my that, go down on me, lick MY TOES, let me f*ck you in the *ss and then  c*m all over your face. You can also swallow my c*m if you like.”

From Connecticut to New Jersey via New York

Getting the job was the best news I could ever get especially at that point in time. I had to be at work at 12 midday on Tuesday. They told me that Monday morning. Sam had offered to drop me off in New Jersey. I didn’t feel too comfortable with the offer knowing it was going to be a four hour drive one way and he didn’t make that much money PLUS this is the same guy who couldn’t afford a packet of potato chips just the other day. I called him out of courtesy to tell him I would be leaving the following day. He told me he had to be at work and wouldn’t be able to take me. Surprise! NOT. He did ask to see me one last time before that night (Monday night). We went to Burger King, it was nice/awkward/weird if there is such a thing :)

As  usual, I spent all day at the library. T and I had a talk on the phone, she said not to tell N that I got the job and how I got it. I had no problem with that. I didn’t have any intentions to tell her anyway. Because I was going to use public transportation, T told me I could leave some of my clothes at hers, stuff like heels and dress up clothes as I was going to be staying at work, and basically working 24/7. I wanted to take everything with me, once and for all. She convinced me to leave some, because I didn’t want any awkwardness, I did. She then, during the same call, told me to tell N about the job. I was like, uhm, I thought we agreed not to? ‘No, I said you should tell her. What if something happens with the patient and you end up needing a place to stay again?’ Well, then, I will have to find somewhere else to crash, This woman has been kicking me out as long as I have been here, she doesn’t care if I got a job or not. SHE WANTS ME OUT. PERIOD! T practically begged me to tell N, which got me slightly confused. I didn’t get the reasoning behind the whole thing of me telling N. Why would N care?

I didn’t want to pack that night and have N seeing my paced bags when she got home from work that night, So I quickly called it a day. I had to get up really early the next morning. I had never been to New Jersey and I was going to do so using public transportation and the fact that I had to be there so early was a major concern. Before I went to sleep, T called to remind me not to forget NOT to tell N about the job. Don’t ask! WE were both were so excited that I was going to disappear without N knowing where I was.

Tuesday Morning, I got up at 2 am. Nice and sleepy. N was asleep in the next bedroom. I packed, very quietly! I packed up all my groceries and put them next to the garbage cans outside for the homeless people. T even told me to dispose of some of the things she had left at the house. N got up just before I walked out. FCK! She went to the kitchen. My bags were packed. She saw them but said nothing about them. Talk about a big elephant or suitcase in the room. A few minutes later, I grabbed my luggage and went, “See you later”. I was OUT!

This was before five am. I rolled my suitcase to the bus stop and chilled there until the bus came. I was there for a while but I didn’t care. I almost missed the bus, apparently the driver didn’t see me. I got off in New Haven where I was going to take the train to New York. When I arrived in New Haven, I wasn’t sure how to get to the Train Station. I’d mentioned that to the driver who told me  I would be ok where he was going to drop me off. I WASN’T. I had to walk for about a minute. I dragged the heaviest suitcase you can ever imagine across the street in the dark, sweating like a race horse and proceeded towards the bus stop. I didn’t see any bus stop signs, so I kept walking. I ended up at the main bus rank. I thought it would be better if I asked someone for directions. There was nobody to ask. It was too early and too dark. I went back to my GPS and saw that I left the bus stop behind. I walked back and realised I just missed the bus. Great! I had to wait 30 minutes for the next bus. If I didn’t have all that baggage, I would’ve just walked to the train station.

I killed time by chatting my sister via BBM. Thanks to the time difference (South Africa is 6 hours behind Connecticut). A few minutes later I heard someone cough, turns out there was a homeless person sleeping right next to me at the bus stop the entire time! The bus finally arrived; it dropped me off at the train station. I missed the train I had planned on taking. I still had time though, depending on how the rest of the trip was going to go. Man, those trains are really busy early in the morning! I suppose there are a lot of people who do the two hour commune from Connecticut to New York daily.

I love Grand Central Station! I love New York City period! Whenever I am there, my heart smiles. I took a train from Grand Central to Time Square, another one to The Port Authority, Then one more to New Jersey, and finally a taxi cab to the facility. Good thing I left as early as I did, 4am, I still made it on time. When I arrived, everybody asked me who I was going to take care of, when I told them, I got a pat on the back and a “good luck, you’re gonna need it”. I was exhausted, it had been a 7 hour trip to New Jersey, I had been up forever and I just wanted to sleep. When everybody wished me luck, I knew I needed it for more reasons than one. They took me upstairs to, let’s call her Avon, Avon’s room. My heart beat fast, I was a little overwhelmed. Where am I, what am I doing here, do I know what I am doing, why I am doing it, am I prepared for this, what if I mess up, this, that and the other.

Everybody at the facility told me that she was in such a bad condition that there was a possibility she wasn’t going to return that day. I hoped that was true, that would have given me some time to rest. I had a sandwich in the dining room for lunch, and went back to the room. I turned the TV on, just as I did, the head nurse opened the door “Brook, She’s here!” FCK! Hi Avon, nice too meet you, I’m Brook! I turned the tv off and helped get her into bed. Her friend was with her. As soon as the paramedics left and the room was cleared, the friend wanted to have a meeting, she, Avon and I. Sure! I said. “First things first, the Television! That’s off bounds to you! This is Avon’s television. If it’s on, that means she wants it on, if it’s off, that means she wants it that way, never ever touch it!” etc.

The friend spent the entire afternoon there. I said just outside the room, not knowing what to do with myself. Praying, ENDLESSLY!

While I was downstairs having lunch, the staff introduced me to a very nice lady from Nigeria who was doing the same type of work as I was. She had a very nice vibe about her. I knew we were going to be friends. She was the light at the end of the tunnel that was my day. We’ll call her Effie.

In no time, the day was over, Avon went to sleep. I went to the TV room, to talk to T on the phone. Just to give her an update. The call must have been ten minutes, fifteen at most. When I got back in the bedroom, Avon complained about how I was gone for hours and left her all by herself when she needed me.

 

Joyride to Hell

August 2012

Brad; One of the guys that responded to my 24 Hours on Craigslist Post  He was younger, Caucasian (white) with green eyes and a nice body. He was in IT, my kind of guy; I love me some geeks. I am a closeted geek myself. (oops, did I just come out?) He had recently moved to Connecticut from Florida and like me, was looking to make new friendships. We first emailed, then texted, which to me was exactly the same. I asked him to call, he said he was going to but had to warn me that he sounds lame on the phone. Ok, sure! We talked on the phone for about an hour then he had to go. He had to visit his grandparents.  Not random at all.

We texted every day. Every now and again he would call. It was a mission to get him to call though. I think he genuinely believed he sounded lame on the phone. While texting with Brad, Sam was calling daily. He wanted to meet again. He called me day after our first date. I was at home, feeling lazy, enjoying getting to know Brad, I didn’t really enjoy Sam’s company, so I asked to see him the next day rather. It was Saturday, our first date was Friday night. He was going to hang out with his friends and wanted me to meet everybody. ALREADY! It was a nice gesture. Soon after I turned Sam down, Brad needed to do his thing with the grandparents and I was bored again. Darn it! I tell you weekends were the worst for me in Connecticut!

A few hours later, Sam called again and told me he was going to be at my place in 20 minutes. Great, looks like I have no say in this! I got ready, he was there in time. He had Michael Jackson Sunglasses on. And the same outfit as the night before. He seemed off-ish. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It got late and dark and he still had the glasses on, I was like dude, are you gonna take those off? He did and his eyes were blood red. He was laughing the entire time. Just giggling and nothing and everything. I asked him if he was high. He said Yeah, well hehehe I smoked about two hours ago, I’m ok now, I’m sober. It takes me about 3 hours to sober up. I was like, well then you’re not yet. ‘yes, I am , I smoked at 2, it’s 6 now’. Uhm, didn’t this guy just say he smoked 2 hours ago,not AT TWO? Oh well. Lord, my life is in your hands amen.

He wanted to show me where he grew up, where he went to school, the little bit of schooling he had. His family moved a bunch, so he showed me all the places they lived, at least those that were in Connecticut. He told me stories about him driving and getting involved in accidents as an underage kid that had no right to be driving. His parents let him drive. It was his parents’ car. He giggled his way through the drive. I was holding on for dear life. We were driving way past the speed limit, he was all over the high way, from this lane to that to the other. I was worried for my life. Every now and then he would doze off and snore. I’m not lying to you! You may be asking yourself why I didn’t ask him to take me home. Well, I DID! He didn’t understand why I felt unsafe. He was a good driver who had been driving for more than twenty years. (he’s 32).

At some point, we were in a secluded road. There were no other cars but us, and just trees. Trees on either side of the road. Don’t get me wrong, they were beautiful, Green. But it was scary over there! It was dark, I was in a car with a stranger who had been smoking. Two hours prior. Or Four, who knows? Who cares? I felt unsafe! I texted T and told her where I was, just in case something were to happen to me. He got thirsty some more! He ran out of his soda. He had been drinking the entire time, who knows what was in that Coke? We stopped at a gas station (garage). He asked if I wanted anything. I didn’t think I did. He got himself a can of coke and a chunky bar of chocolate. I changed my mind when I saw Cheetos. I love Niknaks/Cheesenaks so Cheetos are a very close second. I told him I wanted some. He said, “Oh no, I feel so bad, I got no money, hehehe hehe, I’m sorry, he he he. Plus they’re expensive here, they’re probably a Dollar, I really haven’t got any more money on me. I’ll have money next Friday. Can I buy them for you then?”

So you’re telling me you don’t have a dollar on you? (I mean that’s less than R10 in South African money). Is this guy kidding me? How much did he have with him? $4.50? I went in and got them myself and made sure I got the bigger bag just to prove a point. He told me he used all his money when he took me out the night before. Well guy, you should have thought of that when you spent money on a movie nobody was going to watch! I didn’t tell him that but I thought it, still do! He drove further. Like I said dude and his family moved around a lot, there were lots of places to see. I just wanted to go home. Finally, we approached a nice big town, just as we did, he saw cops at the traffic light. He turned toward oncoming traffic. Great! Just the perfect time to do that! In front of the pow lees! They didn’t catch him. He was following GPS directions, don’t know what happened there, but that was enough to freak him out, he turned around.

South African drivers, motorists are allowed to make a u-turn at the traffic light (robot) here. I still cringe every time someone does it with me in the car. I wonder if there are no cops around or a camera. Anyway, on our way back, we stumbled upon a traffic jam. Sam tried to overtake until he got to the very beginning of it. There had been a car crash. There were bodies on the road. It was a mess. He didn’t care, he asked the police if he, just him, could drive through. They ignored him This is the same guy who was so shy just 24 hours ago, sweating bullets and opening doors! He wasn’t about to wait there for the Emergency people to clear the road, he reversed all the way back to the onramp. In a very straight line. I was impressed, I have to say. WE took a different route home. When He dropped me off, he pulled that stunt again of trying to reach out for a kiss, I ducked it and went in for a hug.

I vowed there and then I would never go anywhere with that man every again.

Backtrack to Thursday, at T’s She cooked for us as usual. I always enjoyed her home cooked meals. I got a call from THE PERSON! We just pulled in from the store. He asked me a few question about myself and work experience when.... my cellphone battery died! NOOOOOO!!!! I have been waiting for this call for EVER! I asked T If I could use her phone. She didn’t mind, only I didn’t have the person’s number. I had to wait until mine charged and turned on, which as we all know was going to take no less than five minutes. That’s a lifetime to someone who is looking for a job. If you’ve looked for a job before, I know you know! I called him back, we talked some more. He seemed like an ok guy. He was a lawyer looking for a private nursing aide for his client who was as he put it going to die any minute, she had less than a month to live. All they wanted from me was patients. Lots of it because apparently she was very feisty. She was still on hospital, he was going to call me as soon as he knew when she was going to be discharged. I GOT THE JOB!

New job! Maybe?

Beginning of August 212

As usual, I went to the library, first thing in the morning. Just before I left, N asked me how job hunting was going. She told me to hang on while she made a few calls. She called about 3 agencies, gave them my numbers and asked them to hook me up. I thought that was nice of her but couldn’t help wishing I would find a job soon but not from any connection of hers. She then went on to tell me that if T and I had been nice to people and didn’t think that we were better than most, I would have been working by then. There are lots of vacancies looking for someone like me out there, thing is T doesn’t communicate, blah blah. Also, Some people, she wasn’t going to name names, but someone had a strong lead with an agency that pays very well, but someone didn’t want me to work for that agency from the get go. They want me to suffer a bit because they did too when they first arrived in the country.

T called, her friend had got two job offers, one by her agent and another one was a referral. She wanted me to have the second one. T was so excited! Call me a glass half full kind of gal but I have had too many false alarms to still be that naive. I was supposed to call a man and talk to him about the job but not tell him where I got his number from. Which was tricky considering they gave me his cell number. I stepped out for a second to call him, he wanted to know where I got his number from because, apparently, he never have away that number. He told me to call his office on a number he quickly mumbled and then hung up before I could grasp it. Fortunately, I by some miracle had managed to cram the number. They were on voicemail. I think they were closed that day or something. I got back to T, she got me the right number to call, which turned out to be that man’s number again. When I told her that, she said to call the man again, surely he was willing to help. Uhm, I just talked to the man, he blatantly hung up on me!  “call him back, Brook, I’m sure he will help you!”

When someone who is helping you with just about everything from roof over your head to job to everything tells you to call someone back who just hung up on you and told you never to call his number again, YOU CALL THE NUMBER BACK! No ifs ands or buts! I called the man back, feeling like a complete fool. He didn’t pick up. I was almost relieved he didn’t.

I went back to the library. I got another call from T. She told me her other friend had a job lead for me. It was in New Jersey. Someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone was going to call me sometime that afternoon, I have to tell them that I know somebody who knows somebody who knows this girl, they will then arranged with the person who knows the person that knows the person who knows the friend to call me and interview me. Confused yet?

I had a good feeling about that job. Unlike the previous glass half empty,this time it was half full. Not too long thereafter, I got a call from T again. She sounded down. I freaked out. It was N. She had called again. And asked T when I was going to move out seeing as it had been weeks since she told T that she didn’t want me there and I was still there.  I needed that job more than I thought I did, and I knew I needed that job! T told N that she was looking for a place for me to stay, apparently N wanted to know when she could expect me out of the apartment. She said, as soon as we find something. Good heavens, what am I going to do!

There was a middle aged African-American man behind me, who was constantly on the phone. He was as loud as can be. And very polite. At least to the  people on the other side of the phone, a double standard for someone on the phone in the library. ‘Good Day, am I through to Shoprite? May  I pleas speak to so and so? ...’ Over and over and OVER again. Nobody cared. That library is obviously not as strict as the ones in South Africa. I waited and prayed and prepared for the call from the person all day. Around 5pm, I got up just as Jack did (Hello, is this Shoprite? Guy). On our way out, I asked if he finally came right. He seemed shocked that (a) I can talk (b) I speak English (c) I talked to him, either or all the above. He looked me deep in the eye; “Hi, I’m Jack” (we’ll call him that). ‘I’m Brook, very nice to meet you’. I see you all the time at the library. You usually said over there, right at the back and you’ll be busy on your laptop and I’ve always wanted to talk to you. You’re beautiful. Whoa! You’re pretty!

AW thank you very much, Jack, you’re too kind. Seriously! I think you’re gorgeous! I talked to T on the phone, she gave me a number and told me to call it anytime after 9pm. It was about the job. You know I called that number at 9pm on the dot, right? I walked slowly towards hell aka the apartment. How do you feel walking toward a place you’ve been kicked out of twice by someone who is so nice to you  in person, but turns around and tells your friend and the only person you know in the entire US of A that they want you out? On my way out of the apartment, I bumped into Jack, he happened to be lingering about the parking lot. He smiled and approached me. He asked where I lived. I told him where I stayed. He asked if we could grab  A SLICE OF PIZZA next door. He meant it!

We went next door to the library and had a slice of pizza each. We talked and laughed, he laughed at just about everything REALLY LOUD, I laughed at him! He proposed marriage. I said NO. He asked me to at least move in with me. Tempting as that was, especially at that point in time, I had to turn him down. I really didn’t want him to see where I stayed but it was on his way to his place. WE exchanged numbers. I did so just to add to my social circle. I wanted to have someone I knew out of the circle of T. Someone not from South Africa.

I arrived at the apartment to find N with an online friend. They were sitting in the living room; talking very softly to each other. It started raining, I couldn’t excuse myself and give them privacy which they would’ve had if they had just gone to her bedroom. But it wasn’t my apartment, I had no rights. I read some old magazines. T had given me all her old magazines, about 20 of them. They were about a month, two months old. 90 percent of them Had Kim Kardashian on the cover. South Africans, count yourself lucky, it could be worse! The Kardashians are everywhere here. It’s insane!

Around 8pm, T called me, I couldn’t talk and it had stopped raining. I went for a long walk and talked on the phone. See, I can multitask? I can walk and talk. How many of you can do that? Haha. Just before 9, I told her to hang up. Nine o’clock on the dot, I called Kat. She asked me one or two questions and told me she was going to talk to someone else then either she or that person was going to call me the next day. The next day was Thursday. My off day. You know when I got to go to T’s. On my way back to the apartment, guess who I bumped into? Jack! He was all sweaty, on his way back from the direction of my apartment. I asked what’s up. He told me he wanted to buy salt at the store, but they had already closed. Interesting. I told him, well, Shoprite is still open. Suddenly he didn’t want the salt anymore. Go figure!

Back at the apartment, the internet friend had left. N was in a good mood again. This is the same person who kicked me out earlier on via my friend. I got a call from Jack, Around 10pm. He wanted to invite me over for dinner. Uhm, no thanks Jack, it’s 10pm! He was like, so what? We’re friends. You can spend the night if you like. Nah thanks.

24 Hours on Craig's List (more online dating)

“Single South African lady looking for love”  or something to that effect, I posted a picture or 3. As soon as I hit SUBMIT, the responses came flying in! I’d never seen anything like it! I got a message from, let’s call him Isra, an Israeli Guy who lived about 30 minutes from me.  Sent from my iPad was at the footer of his email. He included a photo of himself DANCING IN THE STREET WITH A WOMAN IN A RED DRESS! He had a hat on. I saw more the woman than him. I had to ask him for another picture. He soon sent it, he was in a garden of some sort, his feet were covered in plastic bags, he was with someone in the second picture as well, this time a man. They both were carrying their shoes. Clearly Isra didn’t take that many pictures by himself.  We emailed back and forth, for about an hour. He then told me  he was on his way to drop his son off at his ex-wife’s, we exchanged numbers. We arranged to meet up on his way back.

Frozen Green Tea, Never leave home without it

Crap! I had to freshen up! It was so hot, you cannot even imagine! I took a shower, fixed myself up. I couldn’t believe I was to meet someone I only started talking to in... what? Two hours? I was up for it. It was bored as heck. He called when he arrived at the Shoprite Parking lot. My pick up spot. He picked me up in his silver Toyota Prius. He asked where I wanted to eat, I wanted to go somewhere I hadn’t been yet, which wasn’t going to be that hard considering I was new around. We went over to a steak house. Our waiter, a middle aged man either had a crush on me, or I was revealing too much cleavage. He was dropping dishes, acting so nervous, I was embarrassed for him. Even Isra noticed. I had steak and fries. I enjoyed it. He had salad, and I can’t remember else. We were there for about an hour. Conversation was flowing smoothly. He told me about Israel, his life there, and here. He had been here for ten years and married that long too. He was newly divorced.

     

I suggested he dropped me home, before we ran out of things to talk about. We were the only people at the restaurant. He dropped me off and gave me a kiss on the cheek when I hugged him. He texted to thank me and to arrange date number two when he got home. I agreed. I thought he was a decent guy; different from anyone I’d ever dated. There’s something about him that intimidated me, just a little bit. I don’t know if it was the fact that he seemed richer than anyone I’ve ever dated. I was up for the challenge! We agreed to meet Monday night.

No word from him Monday all day, nor Sunday! I thought that was interesting, but ok. N, the roommate was home Monday night, I told her about Isra, she told me to text him a hello or something, so I did. He was apparently on his way to a meeting in New York, he promised to call me thereafter. I had a feeling he wasn’t serious and didn’t deserve anymore of my time. I was ready to go to sleep when he called around ten. He was only then on his way back from New York, we talked for about two hours. That’s how long the drive is from the city to Connecticut. He even talked to N for a bit, N lived in Israel for a few years. The actual number of years she lived there varies, depending who she is talking to, so whatever.

As soon as he got home, he just went, “ok, bye” and hung up. Uhm, what’s wrong with this picture? He had asked to take me out Wednesday. Tuesday, he texted me. I asked where we’re going to go, he said it was up to me, but it was going to be very late, so I had to choose wisely. I didn’t know what he meant by that. There I was trying to be all cute, telling him I had just the place in mind. In my mind, I was thinking of going somewhere by the beach. He asked me if I wanted to go to a hotel. I was like, er nope! Why? He said because that’s what your ad said! That you are looking for a f*ck buddy! Uhm, NO IT DID NOT! I wasn’t going to waste my precious time explaining my ad to that guy, I told him, sorry, he’s not what I was looking for. He told me I am a nice girl but we started off on the wrong foot, it would be weird if we tried going out as a couple.  I still think he is either married or lives with someone from the way, he hung up that night and how he only talked on the phone when he was on the road, never at home, he only texted or emailed when home.

     

One of the first guys to respond to my ad was Sam, he was Hispanic, he lived 30 minutes away from me, he worked as a carpenter Mon-Fri, was free Weekends, had his own car, lived with parents, his younger brother who in turn lived with his girlfriend. Very nice guy! He sent me a picture of himself with an NY  cap on, sitting on the floor behind a table. He would send me really long messages, that gave me an impression he was serious. I appreciated that. We chatted for a few days, before exchanging numbers. For some reason, he didn’t have enough money on his phone and had to call me only when home from his house phone. He was a nice guy.

  

WE agreed to meet the following Friday. WE probably started talking Sunday before that Friday. As we got closer to the meeting day, he got nervous, he went, ‘oh yeah, something  I forgot to talk to you about! How tall are you?’ I was like, well, average height, 5’3-5’4 (163cm). He said, ok good cos uhm, I’m kinda short, at least you won’t be that much taller than me. Ai ai ai, what am I going to do with this situation now! Ugh! I had to be nice, we were on the phone! I kept as straight a face as one can keep on the phone. I knew there and then it was going to be one of those Nicole Kidman / Tom Cruise Cases. I was going to have to wear flats on our date. A first for me! He said he was 5’2 (160cm).

I asked for a full lengthy picture, partly because he had seen mine and because I wanted to see how short he was. I knew in my heart of hearts I was never going to be Sam’s girl, but I had to find out how embarrassed I was going to be out with this person. No offense to shorter people, I am considered short myself, especially here. That’s not even why I wasn’t interested in him, he was just not the guy for me. He was 32 and had never been in a relationship. He had dated here and there, but never anything serious. Plus, I  want someone independent, not a 32 year old guy who still lives with his parents, his siblings and a sibling’s girlfriend. With all due respect to all those who prefer to live with their families.

   

He took a full length picture of himself while at work especially for me. Which was sweet. This was the day before our date. Too late to cancel, well, I wasn’t going to cancel because he seemed like a nice person, we could always be friends.

   

Friday came, he picked me up at the Shoprite Parking lot (yeah you guessed it) around 5pm. It had got a little cooler. His car was spick and span. He ran toward my side to shake my hand and open the door for me. He looked better in person, lookswise, but is really very short. He ran back towards his side and got us going. He played music off his phone, he somehow connected it to the car, so the sound was great. We drove for about an hour to the restaurant;  TGIF. Cool name! I was excited. Oh and I had my flats on. I must say, it’s rather comfortable to be on a date in flats. Very different.

WE found parking space, it was packed! He jumped out of the car, ran around toward my side to let me out. Then ran back to his to lock. We went in, suddenly I felt self conscious. Out of character for me, trust me, I have been on ‘dates’ with men twice my age. Men who did things on dates! WE found a nice table. They brought us out starters; tacos and sauce. He seemed nervous, he was sweating. You could tell he had showered but his hands still had a little bit of oil on them, especially around the nails. At least they were short. Which is more I can say about some of the guys I’ve gone out with. He dipped into the sauce, and double dipped eeewwwww! First of all, the fact that we ate from the same dish was already an issue with me. I don’t know this man, why am I eating from the same dish as he? And the double dipping? What’s next? Is he going to spoon feed me? God forbid! The waitress came around to take our order. He ordered FOR BOTH OF US! Uhm, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I choose my own dinner? He caught me so off guard, I automatically went, ‘oh, you’ve already decided what I’m gonna have?’. He went, ever so nonchalantly, yeah, yeah hehehehe. Awkward moment for the waitress. She left, he seemed to have thought about it for a second, and went, ‘unless you wanted to order something different. Let me call her, ok, I’ll get her to come back’. No! No! No! It’s ok! I just assumed, I was going to make my own choice of dinner, it’s very thoughtful of you to order for me. You’ve been here before I’m sure you know what’s good. I didn’t mean it a word of that!

     

He ate and ate and ate, my appetite was ruined by the double dipping from earlier and the fact that he ordered for me. If you want me to lose interest in something, anything at all, take away my freedom of choice. This does not only apply to food. It could be something I like, if you force it down my throat, I stop liking it.I tasted here and there and took the rest home. I was tired and sleepy by the time we left the restaurant, more than anything else, I was bored and ready to go back to the apartment. He suggested we went and saw a movie. I told him, I would probably fall asleep. He insisted. Then he asked me what types of movies I was into AGAIN. I told him AGAIN. He asked if I had seen Batman: the dark night (again). I (again) told him no, and I am not into those kinds of movies. He said, “I’ve seen it. It was great! I’d see it again with you if you wanted to see it. But because you’re so sleepy, we’ll watch a comedy, that should keep you awake.” Deal! Aaaaand yawn.

    

The movie theatre was another 20 to 30 minutes from the restaurant. He burped all the way there. Bleh! We arrived at the parking lot, he told me to stay in the car, he was going to get us tickets, then come and get me. It would have saved us time to but the tickets together seeing as the next show was about to begin. He ran in and came out with two tickets for....... BATMAN; THE DARK NIGHT RISES! How many times did  I tell this man, I DID NOT WANT to watch this movie? Dear Lord! He was so excited, the show was about to begin, let’s run, he bounced over to my side to open the door for me. By now, I was so over it. There was something about him opening the door for me, that was super annoying.

                  

The movie theatre was freezing. Sam had a sweater on, I didn’t. It was the hottest summer I’ve ever experienced, I wasn’t about to walk around with a sweater (jersey). At some point, he let me use his sweater which was another ew moment, seeing as he was sweating so much earlier. And it was way too small to even wrap around my shoulders. He was enjoying his movie, I fell asleep within the first minutes. I remember waking up to him trying to quietly put his arm around my shoulder to ‘warm me up’. Awkward. This dude better not try to kiss me!

What seemed like ten hours later, the movie was finally over! Whew! I felt bad that I fell asleep through the whole thing. He could have just let me sleep in the car while he watched his movie for the second time on our first date. He wanted to show me around his neighbourhood, I really wanted to go home by then, I was dying! He took me home. He did that thing of running (more like bouncing) to my side to open the door for me. I hugged him quickly, to make sure, he didn’t gain access to my lips. From the way he was looking deep into my eyes, I could tell he wanted more than a hug. I got a kiss in the cheek and ran into the apartment. He texted me when he got home to thank me and to ask if we could meet again soon.

Two Dates in Two Days

July 2012

My Interracial Site Profile Picture

My sister suggested I join an interracial dating site. I thought it was a fantastic idea and clicked away. The first man to contact me was an 82 year old man who lived in an assisted living facility (old age home). First a “flirt” then an email with his contact number. I emailed back. He had a long list of questions  for me; How long have you been in the country? Are you single? Would you like to stay in the country? Do you have a job?  Green card?  20 Questions anybody? I was like, the heck is up with this old man? Does he work for immigrations? FBI?  Also, it’s not like I had any intentions of dating a man that lived in a nursing home, nah thanks, I’m good.

No activity on the site for a while. Probably because I didn’t log on for a while, I was busy with more pressing issues. One day, I got an email from, let’s call him AR. Just a one-liner. I read his profile before responding. His header read: Text don’t call! I thought that was rather suspicious. He asked for my number, I gave it to him. WE talked for an hour. He seemed like an ok guy, he looked like what could have been a cross between Asian and Caucasian (white). He told me he was of Irish descent. He lived in Atlanta, Georgia and wanted me to move in with him. He made me write down a long list of places he was going to take me to like The Martin Luther King Museum, Disneyland and the Coca cola Museum.  His brother’s an Award Winning Broadway Actor who lives in Manhattan. He said he would introduce me to his brother , maybe he could help me with the whole acting thing.

I spotted this on the way back from one of my dates. Check out the hips!

I was overwhelmed. I don’t like it when people, especially who I haven’t even met, promise me the world. SSSllloowww Downnnn! He was on his way to New York, he told me if he knew a beautiful woman like me would give him the time of day, he would have gone via Connecticut and meet up with me. Well, that ain’t gonna happen now, will it? His profile states that he’s separated; RED FLAG! To me, that’s code for happily married but want to mess around on the side. Anyway, he was on his way to his father’s birthday in the East Coast, he texted me a few pictures of himself with his family at the party. Which was nice of him. I remember telling T about that guy and her telling me he seems serious, he might just have me move in with me in Georgia, that way I wouldn’t have to worry about looking for a place today OR a job for that matter. She was more enthusiastic about the guy than I was. I guess it’s the whole glass half full/half empty theory.

I didn’t hear from AR for a good two to three weeks when he texted me out of the blue. By the way, I did try to call him in the three  weeks of silence, he didn’t pick up, but texted me, hey what’s up? Which is another red flag, why couldn’t you pick up when I called Mr I’m Separated? Of course I didn’t say anything to him. This time, he texted me about how he was going to be in New York for the weekend. He wanted to take me out to dinner. I accepted but then raised the issue of transportation. How would I get back to Connecticut that late at night? He told me he had booked a nice hotel in the city, I could share the room with him. I told him I would’ve felt much more comfortable heading back to CT (Connecticut). I proposed lunch instead. He tried to entice me, telling me how fancy the hotel was and I would’ve really enjoyed it plus he thought I liked him. I told him it was not personal, but I would have felt much safer meeting a man from the internet in person in public and day light.  No response. That’s the last I heard from him. I guess I can forget about sightseeing in ATL.

Moving right along! I signed up on more dating sites. I got an email from a guy who lived 20 minutes or so from me, from one of the sites. It so happened that I didn’t even have a picture up on that site. Guy, who we shall call OC asked for my number. I obliged. He texted me, we played the texting game for a few days, I went over to T’s that Thursday, I remember he sent me pictures of his chest, which wasn’t much to write home about, but ok!  Of course I didn’t return the favour. I happen to know that MY chest IS much to write home about, ok? :P

I was hoping he wouldn’t send [pictures of his down-thereness. he didn’t. Yet. He wanted to see me the next day, which was Friday. Good because T was going to drop me home that day. He told me  bit about himself, he had an 11 year old son whom he lived with, he was divorced, a Football coach at a school and worked at Stop And Shop (pronounced Stap and shap for all my South African Friends. Trust me, if you say it any other way, the Americans don’t understand what in the world you’re talking about).  His work was in my neighbourhood, kinda.

T and I did our routine stuff Friday morning, we had lunch at the Chinese Buffet place, I know, I know, even though I was going on a date thereafter? Well, just as well! You’ll soon find out! He was to pick me up at the Shoprite Parking lot (yep, Shoprite is an international brand). He got there while I was still at the restaurant, T had to rush me home. I still had to freshen up. We went to the apartment, I freshened up, lipsticked it up, heels and we were out the door. She was nice enough to drop me at Shoprite. I introduced the two of them. I remember T was like, he’s cute! I was like, I know, he did look off-ish in his pictures. It was a bit of a relief. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, it was kinda like the blind date scenario. By the way I had to ask him to call me before we met. Otherwise, we never would have talked on the phone, he was happy to just text.

This is what OC's car looks like

I hopped on his car, it was hot, a Dodge Truck, automatic panty dropper, if you ask me! I had mentioned that I love the beach, so we headed over there. It was July, summer, hot! WE found a bench in the park where we sat and got to know each other more. No this is not euphemism for something else! Get your mind out of the gutter J. In all the dates I’ve been to, the guys always took me to eat or for drinks first or it would end there. Never had I been on a date where there was no breaking of bread so to speak. First time for everything, right? Right! We sat and talked until I was so thirsty. There as a live performance at the park, but it wasn’t that loud. I told him I was thirsty, I was ready to buy myself something to drink. WE went to a random store, there was no life in there, they sold everything from clothing to stationery and had a fridge by the front line. No, I am not talking about Walmart or Target or anything like that, this was random.  He got a coke, I grabbed a water (That’s me being American, A water!). 

We went walking along the beach, my idea. I love walking on the sand, it’s very soothing for the feet. I took off my heels, he carried them for me, we walked and talked some more. He told me about how his ex wife cheated on him, and his girlfriend and this person and the other. He seemed like a nice genuine guy who was looking for love. He told me about his son.  And how he fought for him, his mom, the works. Eventually, I told him I was ready for him to drop me off. I was talked out. No offence but there was just something off about the whole thing. Plus I was getting hungry. He took me to Shoprite parking where he dropped me off. He gave me a peck on the lips and drove off. I didn’t know how I felt about him. I went back to the apartment, took a shower, and chilled.

He sent me texts and told me how much he enjoyed out time together, meeting me, and how he missed me, and was tempted to come back and see me. We had a date scheduled for the next morning. I told him to rather wait until the next day. He picked me up bright and early and took me to a flea market not too far from where I lived. It started raining as we got out of the car. He had on what seemed like brand new sneakers, white socks, very short shorts with a hole or two and a greyish t-shirt, with tons of holes. He looked clean, he had even shaved but I am not sure about his get up! 

The Hat OC Bought me

WE ran under the shelter of the market and walked around. He has his favourite stalls, he bought a few Pirated DVD’s, a Superman school bag for his son and wanted to buy me Stripper Sandals. You know the very high high clear glassy platform sandals? Yup, those! I prayed they wouldn’t fit. Not that I have anything against them but I knew that if I let him buy them for me, I would have to wear them for him. They were more for him. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving! They didn’t fit! Yay! They didn’t have anything out of the ordinary at the market, it looked more like a giant Chinese Store. He really wanted to buy me something. I opted for nail polish. From how he was dressed, he didn’t look like he could afford to buy me anything. I would have rather he bought himself an outfit. Oh and he bought me a hat!

We ran back to the car. From there, he took me out for breakfast, thank gosh! It was a nice restaurant where he had  very interesting choice of meal: toast, bananas, caramel something and I don’t know what else. I had an omelette.

The Omelette, Those finely chopped thingies are Fries. Neat huh?

He had told me he wanted to spend all day with me, I was looking forward to it. I didn’t really have plans for the weekend or any other day for that matter. At breakfast, he wouldn’t stop looking at his cell phone! T had won a gift from some store and had asked me to collect it for her. The store was on our way back to the apartment, so I ask OC to take me there.

T's prize

From the store, he was like, what are you doing this afternoon.  I thought to myself, I should be asking you! He told me he was going to drop me off, he missed his son. He had to check on him. He would call me later, we could meet up if I was up for it. Uhm, what’s wrong with this picture. I said sure!

The Nail Polishes (is that a word?)

He dropped me off and tried to stuff his tongue down my throat. He got aroused in the process. I don’t know if he wanted us to do it right there in the car or what? What do I know! He left, I went upstairs to the apartment very confused. A couple of hours later, he texted. I miss you, you’re so attractive, blah blah blah. He later sent me pictures of his down-thereness. Great! The text got racier and racier. I couldn’t take it anymore, I told him I had to go. He had said he wanted to meet during the week after work, didn’t happen. I didn’t care. 

Cut to October, four months late. I was looking to buy a car. He knows a thing or six about cars and one of his friend’s dad owns  a chain car place. He had told me he would help should I need a car. I decided to take him up on his offer. I texted him. He was like who’s this? I’ve a feeling he was trying to spite me, but I didn’t care. I reminded him who I was. He said I know just the place but, you know what? I would never help you, you broke my heart. You used me. WHATTTTT? I used you? How? What are you talking about? He said, please don’t ever contact me again. I didn’t even respond to that, I was too tired, I went straight to bed. A few days later, he texted me, 'Brook I feel in love with you and you broke my heart, I still love you, please talk to me.' It was around 10 pm he asked what I was up to, I told him I was at work in New Jersey, tired and it was bedtime. He said he would text the next day. He texted me the next day around 10 pm again, hey what’s up? I ignored it and replied the next day. He did the same thing the next night around 11pm. I ignored him again.