The Lesser of Two Evils

No word from Lewis after the date. That was in November, I haven’t spoken to him since the date.

I had been spending every free minute I had online looking for a job. I had hoped that at some point, something would give, don’t you think? I got a call from a man who lived in Pasadena. He was looking for a caregiver to take care of him at night. If it were not for the fact that he lived so far away, that would have been the perfect job for me because I was looking for night gigs. Something that would allow me to pursue acting in the day time. Fat and old or not. Kiss my *ss Lewis! The man wanted to see me for an interview. I am not a big fan of interviews. I’d rather go on a first date than an interview, given a choice. Alas, beggers can’t be choosers. He wanted to see me the following day.

I had applied for tickets to a Game Show that morning. I apply for so many things that I can’t even obsess over what I apply for, just apply and move on. If you get it, great! If not, oh well! I got a call from the Show literally as soon as I hung up from the Client. They had tickets for two show tapings, one was going to be the following day, the day of the interview and one the day after. I had a strong feeling about going to the show the following day. But I had committed to the interview! What to do! Man was home, (he was always home whenever I was there) he always contributed to my telephone conversations and skype conversations which I find to be very rude. He listens to my side of the conversation and, from that, deduces what the other person must have said and screams to the top of his voice, responding to what he thinks what the other person is saying TO ME! Not you, foo! Hate it!

I ended up rescheduling the interview for after the Show. I called the client back, he was cool with that. I had to be in costume for the Game show in case I get picked as a contestant. Man had heard most of the teleconversation, he was inspired to try on a few costumes from his huge collection. He lent me a a costume and hair. If not, I would’ve gone in scrubs. I was so excited!

The following morning, I got ready for the show, and took with me a change of clothes for the interview which was going to be right after the show and more than an hour ago, I didn’t have that much time in between. The show was a ton of fun, sad to see people so desperate to win prizes. A lesbian couple next to me only had $5 in their name. They hoped to win some money or something, if not, they only had the $5 for gas. That was rough. Alas, they weren’t even called to compete. Oh well. All audience members won A night in a luxurious hotel in Vegas an got a ticket for two for  a Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas. That never happens! Audience members never win on that show. So guess who’s going to Vegas? Tickets are valid until October 2014. I haven’t made up my mind when I am going and who I am going to go with. I want to make a vacation of it, since I have only been to Vegas for five seconds.

Straight from the show, I headed to Pasadena for the interview. I was in heels all day, lots of walking, jumping up and down at the show, dancing etc. My feet were not chuffed with me at all that day! The client was a nice white man. He sounded black the entire time on the phone haha. He told me he had a few other people to interview after me. He would let me know the following week if I got it or not.

A few days later, I went to bed early (as usual), I got a call from the client, he wanted to know if I could help him out that night. His caregiver didn’t show up. I checked the GPS, it said I could be there in an hour. I told him and quickly ran to the shower. I lost my nice, semi circular Gold stud I had gotten as a  gift a few years ago. It slipped off my ear and went down the drain in the shower. That dampened my spirits. I ran to the stop, missed the bus while waiting for the light to go green, missed another one while walking towards the station, because I didn’t want to waste more time idling at the bust stop. Well, I wasted even more because I ended up having to walk all the way to the station, more than 20 minutes. That totally sucked. My entire body was itching and tingling, that thing that happens to me sometimes when I walk. Sadly, I don’t know why triggers it. It makes me really miserable. As if I wasn’t depressed enough after losing my ear ring. I finally got to the station just in time for the train. Train was late, or not! It never showed. The following train was going to be in twenty minutes, that didn’t show up either! My gosh! WTF! This is not even my first day at work and I am messing up so much. I hate being late! #Don’tBeTardyForTheParty I was making such a lousy impression, I don’t the guy was even going to offer me the job.

Eventually, the train showed up. People were dying at the station, we were all so late! The client was kind enough to send his friend to pick me up from the station. I had to take one more train after the one that was late. So I was there after two hours. Fun! Not. The client has a bed in the living room where the Caregivers can sleep while he sleeps. He has a baby monitor to call us whenever he needs us. He asked me if I am a light sleeper. I am not. I definitely didn’t think I was going to wake up at all that night after such a long, depressing day. I had my phone on LOUD just in case I didn’t hear him trying to wake me up cos he can’t walk.

The night went out smoothly, I got paid that morning for the night as I wasn’t officially working for him, just filling in. He was still to make his final decision and let me know. It was nice to make some money for a change.

I went straight to bed when I got home, thirty minutes later, Man’s ex came by. He had the TV on full blast, the doors and windows wide open. For a change. I woke up to the ex asking him why he had the TV so loud when someone was sleeping in the room. He didn’t give a sh*t. I just woke up. I couldn’t sleep anymore, there was too much commotion.

I kept looking for rooms online for the following month (December). Nothing came of it. I was running out of time, the only offer I had was Speed’s. Or I could continue staying at Man’s. That was a no no! So basically, I had two crappy choices. I reluctantly went with Speed. His space was bigger and he had a job.

Speed’s then roommate moved out before the end of November. Speed told me I could move in early if I wanted, he would help me move. I only had my clothes and a microwave, which is what we used to prepare out meals as Man didn’t have a stove.

I got the job and started working while still at Man’s. He had a prostitute (literally) over every night I worked, so when I got home in the morning, around 9-10, she would still be there. Different prostitutes. It seemed to me as though he had moved someone else in who wasn’t paying rent. Where was she sleeping? I cringe when I even think about it. I had to get out. I asked Speed to move me. I offered to pay him gas money or something, he refused, oh well. I told him that I would be home around 10, pack, then tell him when I was ready for him to pick me up. He texted me around 9:30. He was outside the apartment! I wasn’t even home then! I didn’t get that! I was supposed to tell him when I was ready for him to pick me up, I don’t get why he couldn’t wait for my call or call me when he was on his way there instead of surprising me before I even got home. 

When I get home, I always knock first before I open up just to ensure there aren’t any surprises awaiting on the inside. I did the same that morning. Someone came to open the door. One of Man’s lady friends. The had been there for the past three days. The last time I saw her, they had just taken a shower together, Man was massaging her feet, they were both chilling on the couch. Romantic! Very romantic! She opened up and followed me to the bathroom. That was my first stop. I wanted to start moving stuff from there. She followed me there and thanked me for getting there when I did because Man just tried to rape her. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? She was reeking of alcohol. This is 10 o’clock in the morning! She told me that he took off her underwear and wouldn’t give it back to her. She also told me that he had offered her a place to stay in exchange for sex. Nice! Very smooth Man! You’re gonna have special deals with other people and move them into our place without my consent. What the heck is that? What about me? What’s in it for me? She told me that she didn’t feel like sex that morning, so he wasn’t very happy about that. I was like, I am not getting involved, last time I saw you guys, yall were all smiles, had just taken a romantic shower together, he was rubbing your feet. Plus you guys had a deal, I wasn’t there when that deal was made, AND I’m moving out, so whatever happens here doesn’t concern me. Maybe you should move in officially and be his roommate because he sure is gonna need one after today! She told me that she wanted to leave but didn’t have bus fare. Well, tell that to Obama cos Obama Cares! The interesting thing is that Man was online doing a phone interview while this all happened. He didn’t at all look like someone who just tried to rape someone to me. He was on the couch in the midst of an interview, shirtless, she was fully dressed and free to run if she wanted to. At least in my opinion. After the interview, I told him I was moving out. While I was talking to him, the lady snuck out. He was like, ‘where is she? Did she leave? F*ck!’ He ran after her. I sent Speed a text, he didn’t want Man to know that I was moving to his place. Apparently they know each other. I don’t know why Speed wanted to keep this a secret, but oh well. I called and told him that they were out there, to be careful.

After a while, I got a text from Speed telling me that he was still out there. I started moving stuff to the car. He was soooooo mad. He was grumbling, and cursing. I was like, why are you so mad? I never told you to come get me, I wasn’t ready yet, you’re the one who chose to come super early Did I mention he’s hard hearing? Well.....

Finally, I got my stuff in the car, we drove off, he was complaining the entire time. I knew I would’ve been better off doing ten loads on the bus! He told me I never warned him that I had so much stuff, I told him I only had a couple of bags. Uhm, I  never said that. Why would I say that when I know I have way more than a couple of bags. He looked at me and assumed that I must be the kind of girl who only has a couple of girls, sorry, Speedy, you’re wrong! He went to the gas station, I insisted on paying, and I paid! After paying for gas, he pulled up on the side and was like, do you have something to tell me? I told him, nah, thanks, I’m good. He said, don’t you think that was unfair, to make me wait out there all this time blah blah blah. I went over it again, explaining to him that I never told him to go there that early. I even showed him the texts. He ended up apologising, he misunderstood. He tried to kiss me in the mouth to make up for the misunderstanding, I was like, WTF? What are you doing? He ‘didn’t hear me’.

Did This Guy Just Try to Kiss Me?

I continued to feel like an outsider at our place. I tried looking for something else online. I bumped into Man’s ‘girl’ a few times on the boulevard. Once, she said, ‘sh*t!’ when she turned around and I was right there haha. I said hi, she said sh*t! Oh well.

I posted my own ad online after responding to numerous ads looking for a place and having people flake out on me. One morning, I took the bus to see a Game show taping, Mind of a Man, hosted by the cute actor and comedienne, DeRay Davis; I got a response from a guy who we’ll call Speed. I had posted that I was looking for a private room to rent. He had a huge room for me with a couch. I was excited, it was what I was looking for and because I didn’t have furniture, I could just use his couch. I emailed back asking for pictures. He told me that he wasn’t able to attach them and asked for my phone number. I wasn’t that psyched about sending a random man from Craig’s list my number. He assured me (not that that carried any weight with me) that he was a responsible, decent man who wouldn’t abuse my number. I sent it to him because I was desperate for a way out not because I trusted that he wasn’t going to abuse my number. He sent me a slide of pictures of the apartment and one of himself with the creepiest smile I’ve ever seen. I showed that to my new friend. A girl I was sitting next to on the bus. She was going to the same show I was and had been there before. She also happened to have a nice wig and told me where I could get them for a nice price. From then on, we became bosom buddies. When she saw Speed’s picture, she was like, oh heck no! Ignore! Do not move in with this man, he looks creepy as hell! I was like, I bet you this guy is a vegetarian. With all due respect to vegetarians, I’m somewhat of a vegetarian myself, one who loves meat but hardly ever eats it, I’m just saying though; dude looked like a yogi and a vegetarian. That’s not what’s creepy looking about him. It’s his smile that is! He has a smile of a 3 year old girl. Like Fck the what?!?!?!?

I responded on account of don’t judge the book by its cover. I didn’t sent him my picture in return though. We arranged for me to go view the following morning. He works as a tour guide. I rushed over to his the following morning. He met me at the gate. He looked much much older in person, maybe 86? He took me upstairs to the apartment, I went in there and saw one giant room, much bigger than where I was living. I asked to see the bedroom, he was like ‘this is it! I told you it was one big room that we would share’ #BubbleBurst. It was a huge room with a bed, a huge, leather couch, bathroom, two closets, kitchen and dining space. It was quite spacious. I told him I would have to think about it. We sat on the couch and talked for a short while then I had to leave for my date with Lewis. Speed had lived in Utah too so we had something in common. I thanked him for his time and as I was about to leave, he gave me a hug. I didn’t think we were that well acquainted for us to hug but ok, some people are huggers, I guess.

He walked me to the gate, then gave me another hug, talked some more then gave me yet another hug and went for a kiss in the mouth, I ducked, and he got me in the cheek. Bye! I could swear he said by honey, but I could be wrong. I hope I’m wrong! I walked away puzzled, talking to myself, ‘did this man just try to kiss me?’ DID THIS MAN JUST TRY TO KISS ME? I couldn’t believe it. Again, I hope I was wrong cos that came out of the blue. We weren’t even talking about romantic stuff or anything. At least as far as I’m concerned. #OnlyInHollywood

I took the bus back to mine, Lewis texted and told me that he was outside already, CRAP! I had a small window to freshen up and get ready. As I was walking towards my place, I looked at the cars parked on the side of the road and wondered which one Lewis was in. There were all kinds of cars in front of the apartment, I never realised the variety of cars out there until that day haha. There was nobody in any of the cars I looked at though. I saw a man with a hat standing in front of the house next to our complex, I wondered if it was Lewis. As I drew closer, I was like, whew, thank goodness, it’s not him! The man had a cap with three sides, wait, no, four! It was kinda like a cap/floppy hat, dark green, kinda like a farmer’s hat, he had a fanny pack on (moon bag) and safety boots. I promise I don’t go around judging random people’s outfits, I’m just giving you a picture of the guy I was grateful wasn’t my date that morning. As I was about to enter the gate at our complex, the man turned around and said hi IT WAS MY DATE, LEWIS! Christ! I was like, hey! How are you? I couldn’t believe my eyes. He is definitely short, probably my height, shower than he said he was. Trust a man to lie about his height. Men always have to add inches, be it height or length. I rest my case.

I quickly went in, freshened up and went back to him. He took me to his uhm car? Huge 1970’s truck, you know those old steel trucks from way back when? I thought he was kidding me when he took me to that particular truck of all the cars that were parked out there. He opened the door for me and asked me to open for him from inside because the thing doesn’t work on his side. Of course it doesn’t! SMDH. Really Jen? You hooked me up with THIS guy?

He asked if I was hungry, I told  him yeah, he took me to his favourite restaurant in Burbank or Studio City, can’t remember. Earth something. All organic and healthy stuff. The food was delish. He told me to order whatever I wanted. Which was nice but was it necessary? I don’t know. Before the restaurant, he went to the bank, withdrew a ton of money and held it in a clear plastic bag, then he sorted it out and put it in his fanny pack. He reminded me of the minibus (taxi) drivers from South Africa. The subject of me being too old and too fat for me to be acting came up again. Dude talks loud! I wasn’t gonna tell him to tone it down. That’s rude. I let him be. After about an hour of screaming, he said, ‘I think I was talking too loud, that lady just signalled for me to tone it down’. LMFAO, Thank you, lady!

During the date, I got a text from Speed. It went something along the lines of, ‘Hey brooke (I can’t stand it when people spell names with small caps.) as far as I’m concerned, you are it! Call me after your date. I would like to play you some music, maybe we can talk some more about your travels.’ Speed is in a band. He’s a bass player. I waited until after the date to get back to him.

He paid for the meal and asked the waiter not to keep the change, he would tip her afterwads. She brought the change, he took all the money, put it in his fanny pack and we left. No Tip! #awkward.  He took me home and promised to call when he got home. Just before he drove off, he asked me for some casting agency contact numbers, HE wants to pursue acting! Are you kidding me? If I’m too old and fat,and he’s ten years older than me, how is he the right age to get into acting?

The Lady Is a Tramp

One afternoon, Man asked if I wanted to go with him to The Boulevard (Hollywood blvd), there was going to be a red carpet event, he wanted autographs. Of course, I said yes. We headed over there, there were tons of people already waiting for the celebrities. We were there quite early too! I got to meet Man’s ex, nice Argentinian lady! The celebs showed up about three hours after our arrival. Nobody signed that evening. It was an experience for me, having never been to that kind of stuff before. I took pictures. Sorry, my internet is still too slow. When I get faster internet, I will post picture blogs. After the red carpet thingy, we went over to the hostel. We hung out with Jen. She hooked us up, remember? It was a nice night in Hollywood. We must have hung out out there for more than two hours. A random lady showed up out of nowhere and was very happy to see Man! He didn’t seem that psyched but what do I know? I’m just a girl from Africa. They excused themselves and went around the corner, came back after about five minutes. Something about that rang bells in my head. Head being the operative word. If you catch my drift.

Just before we left, Man told me that the girl is ‘coming over’. I was like, ok! On our way home,she walked so fast, he was trying to catch up with her and slow down for me, we formed a line, she, in front, he, torn in the middle and me chilling in the back. If I didn’t know better I would think she was trying to lose me but we were going to my place, b!tch where’s your place? She had a backpack on her back. We took the bus, then walked some more off the bus. Same line thing all over again. I thought to myself, I don’t like this girl, why she gotta act so weird?

We arrived at the apartment, they watched some TV, No talking, just tv. It was awkward. I felt so much like a third wheel. I felt like if I weren’t there, sh!t would be going down. . . until, I heard her giggle, and of course my eyes went straight toward them. He was touching her in her hello Kitty! I didn’t hear anybody say no, she was all giggly, I thought to myself what a sl*t! Hello, I’m right here! I can see you foos! I was getting worked up with the disrespect of it all. I texted Jen and asked if she knew that girl. She told me she’s homeless, she crashes at friend’s homes and never leaves. I told her she was there with us, she was like OMG, she’s sleeping over. WHAT?!?!?!?! She told me the girl’s whole life is in that backpack. She goes home with whomever and never leaves.

Me:        Is your friend spending the night?

Man:     IF SHE WANTS TO.

ME:        So you guys are going to have sex with me right here and you don’t care?

Man:     WE WERE GONNA WAIT UNTIL YOU WENT TO SLEEP.

Me:        Oh hell no! Asleep or not, nobody is having sex here tonight! Not with me in the same room, f*ck that! Are you kidding me? I am going to hear you guys! What happens if I wake up in the middle of all that?

Man:     WE’RE GOING TO BE QUIET!

Me:        No you won’t! You’re not going to have sex. Not here. Not tonight!

Man:     But I told you she was coming over and you didn’t have a problem with that!

Me:        Coming over and sleeping over are two different things. Why would you think a normal person would not have a problem with someone having sex in the same room as them?

Man:     -.

I stayed up, used the internet,in total disbelief of what was about to take place at the place I called home. I wanted to go hide somewhere. We hung around the hostel for more than two hours. That’s more than enough time to have sex. He couldn’t take that girl home then, boink her silly and then tell me when he was done so I could go home and sleep? Nobody is c0ckblocking anybody. All I ask is that you don’t make me watch. I’m not into that. That woman was like, uh oh, did I do something wrong. I ignored her cos why are you talking? Who’s talking to you? STFU! Go home! I would have left the moment the awkwardness began. Scratch that, I never would have tried to sleep with a man in the same room as someone else. Plus they aren’t even a couple. But that’s none of my business. They ended up leaving around 1:30am. Man came back after about an hour or two. He wasn’t talking to me the following day. I could care less. I knew there and then that it wasn’t going to work out. I had to start looking for another place to stay. As if the Cat smell and all the other grossness wasn’t enough, now we’re adding wh0res to the equation. Enough is enough. When will I ever settle down?  I asked if we were not talking, he told me he was mad at me, he didn’t understand why I over reacted the night before when he forewarned me of what was going to happen and I was ok with it. Clearly that was a huge misunderstanding because I will never be ok with being disrespected that way. I told him that it would have been different if I was out and he asked me to give him some time until further notice or something.

The following day, he messaged me and asked me to give him an hour or so. I got the message an hour late, I was still out, heck, I gave him two more hours over and above that, to air the space out. When I got home, she was there, relaxed and f*ck, he was shirtless. I had to fight not to have an image of what happened a few hours prior in my head. Out of spite, the probably did it in my bed, who knows? One can only hope for the best, right? I don ‘t want to live with someone who I have a feeling would do something like that. He is a good person though, I don’t think he would do that, but then again, I don’t know him that well, so.

She was at our place every other day for like 12-15 hours per day. I would find her there in the afternoon when I got home and she would leave the following morning around 1 or 2. Whenever she was there, a roll of my double ply toilet paper would go missing. It got to a point where I had to hide it. B*tch got expensive taste! Use your f*ck buddy’s single ply 99cents store toilet paper, boo. Leave my stuff alone WTF! When I hid my tp, Man marked his. It was the craziest most hypocritical thing. Excuse you, your hoe has been stealing my sht! No pun intended. I had no interest in his thin-stick-in-your-butt-cheap-*ss-toilet-paper anyways.

I guess the girl had officially moved in with us. They smoked weed all hours of day and night, she was loud and obnoxious, walking around the apartment barefoot. I tell ya b*tch got comfortable. She was more comfy there than I was, that’s for sure. I had nothing to say to her, my issue was with my roommate who brought in one more person and a cat to an already overcrowded studio apartment. Who does that?