James Bond

When we got home, James invited me over to his for a night cap. Soon as we got to his, he was like omg, it's so stuffy in here, he opened up windows, turned on the fan, sprayed air freshener, took out the garbage. It was cute to see him act so nervous.  That is so something I would do. We hung out for an hour or two on his bed then I went home.

He told me to pop in anytime to say hi or for a visit. I hope he knew he was opening up a can of worms by doing so! I ran upstairs to mine. My roomie was asleep. He goes to bed around 8pm, wakes up around 1am, heads out and will be back around 4am sometimes. It's a very interesting schedule. Especially because we were sharing a studio.He would come home, open up windows, turn on ceiling fan, all the lights and maybe open the door as well, just for the hell of it. I would wake up with my nostrils completely dry. You know, I don't want to complain to him and be that person but why can't he be that person and not do all this in the middle of the night? I get walking into a stuffy room and wanting to open up the windows, from my experience using mini buses in South Africa, I know that after a minute, you will have adjusted and get mad at the person who gets on and opens up the window. But I was open to him opening the window only for a few minutes. He wouldn't do that. He would go straight to bed, with the hope that he would get up and shut everything again but then, he was so tired, he would just go to sleep. Now without taking a shower though. That guy would take 3 showers per day. Pretty impressive.

Jon was a hairstylist, self employed. He seemed to do all his work at night though. He told me that usually after cutting someone's hair, he would join them in the shower and they would have 'fun'. I am assuming his clients were mainly gay. Not that I care. Interestingly enough, he would go home afterwards and take another shower. I wasn't paying for water or lights, so it didn't affect my finances in any way. I just found it interesting that someone who wouldn't clean up after himself or brush the toilet after doing a number two or even flush sometimes, would shower so many times a day as if he's a neat freak.

In the time I roomed with Jon, I ate TV Dinners, you know the boxed, precooked dinners and lunches? 3 minutes in the microwave and you're done! Maybe  I should go back to that! Life was much simpler then :)

Jon is vegetarian, very health conscious, very West Hollywood. He loves tea though, he lives on it. It was cute how he always made tea in a teapot on the stove. Very unusual for someone like me who neither drinks tea nor coffee. Nor Alcohol for that matter. I should be a mormon!

One afternoon, I got a call from James, he was just saying hi. He was on his way home. He asked if I wanted to hang out. I mean! Is that a rhetorical question? Of course I wanna hang out! We love James!

This wasn't long after I got my huge can of Caramel and Cheese Popcorn shipped to my place by the Queen Latifah Show. I tell ya the gifts were never ending. I was always receiving something in the mail. I bet ya the office must have been wondering about me. I offered Jon some popcorn, he would have some all hours of day and night. I tell ya, dude would wake up in the middle of the night, smoke weed, get himself hungry from that and munch on my special, expensive popcorn. I ain't kidding, the can was worth $80 (that R800 for popcorn). Even if it was cheap, know your boundaries, if someone offers you something, don't have half. This is not an in community of property type of rooming arrangement. GTFOH! I gave some to my friend, Julie and took some with me to James' when he invited me over.

He was so grateful. He kept saying, 'aw, you're so sweet.' I was thinking, so whatchu gonna do about it? ;)

He had been trying to buy some furniture online for his new apartment. Apparently he heard back from this couple of ladies in Studio City. He had to go pick it up. He asked if I wanted to go along. I was in my pyjamas. It didn't matter because he was driving. I went along with him. I love going on drives, it's always been my thing. One of the things I miss about having a car, gassing it up and hitting the open road. This was in the evening, no traffic. Yay!

When we got there, the ladies asked if we were a couple. My heart beat really fast when they did. James and I smiled, looked at each other and went 'no!' in unison. The girls helped us load the table and chairs on the truck. We drove back to hollywood. When we were in the car, James was like, can you believe they just asked if we are a couple? I was like uhm, hehehe. I didn't know what to do with that question, then I rambled about a time where I was with this guy who liked me on Hollywood and Vine. I wanted to take a picture on the walk of fame, he offered to take it for me but then someone offered to take a picture of both of us and I was like, nah, thanks we're good! I went on to tell him another story about a man who complimented that same guy and I about how cute a couple we looked (we didn't) and told the guy he has good taste. Guy didn't correct the man, he just thanked him for the compliment. This man is engaged, he lives with his woman.I don't know why he is collecting compliments about him and I. Anyway, we lost the moment due to my ramblings. I was nervous! What was I to say?

When we got back home, I helped him carry the stuff to his place. James was like, oh no you don't have to. I'm like, come on! How you gon carry all this stuff by yourself and still be able to hold the door open? #Superman When we got home, he set everything up, cleaned it and was like, we need to test drive this! I'm making dinner. I was like, ok, but I'm leaving, so bye! Enjoy dinner. He kept telling me to stay,so I did

James Made dinner, He had left over brown rice, he made a toasted chicken sandwich, some salad and the rice and he gave me some gluten free, everything free, vegan fruit juice from Whole Foods. It was great. He is such a gracious host! He kept getting up to get stuff to make me feel comfortable. I was like, sit down and eat, your food is gonna get cold! He's adorable. And hot.

After dinner, I tried to leave. He told me to stay a little longer. We talked about everything under the sun, relationships, Hollywood, you name it. He sat on the bed, I was at the table. He told me to sit on the bed with him. It's comfier, so I did.

Russian Roulette

Day after I accepted the money from Jon, the new roommate. The other guy texted to find out if the place was still available. I told him it was taken. Turns out, he would have taken it!

One of the guys who came to view was part French, part Spanish, part LordKnowsWhat, cute as hell. He was a tad bit taller than me. He also had a nice vibe about me. He was my first choice. Unfortunately, he had a few other places to view before making a commitment. He sat on the spare bed, we got to know each other a little bit. I was mesmerised by his beauty. He has long-ish hair, just the right length, green/hazel eyes and the most amazing skin. You know how hot mixed people are! I texted him the following day, he still had one more place to view. He texted me later on, telling me he found a place. He went with a studio that turned out to be in my apartment building. 'We are neighbors! You should come over for coffee or something!' He said. I had mixed feelings about that. I have a hot neighbor, yay to that! But then, I was screwed cos I just lost what could have been an amazing roommate. #ItIsWhatItIs

As you well know, I found a roommate, Jon. He happens to be from the same town Handsome is from. Five hours away from Los Angeles. I told Handsome this, we'll call him James. He was excited, he wanted to meet him. I told Jon this, he was like, 'I think I have reached the limit of straight guys. I don't need to meet any more straight guys!' Awkward. I even tried to get Jon to share some of his weed with James. He was like, man, you must like this guy, weed is expensive, I'm not sharing it with some guy, just cos you wanna bone him. That wasn't the case, I am not the girl for meaningless sex. Meaningless what? Sex? What's that? At this point, I don't even know what that is and how it's performed. I hope it's just like riding a bicycle - Mind you, I don't know how to ride a bicycle. No pun intended.

James and I chatted for the first few days until he settled in. Then the conversation fizzled. I think we mutually forgot about each other. I kept going to TV shows. Judge Judy, who I adore. If you watch the show, you may have seen me on some of the episodes, Dr Phil, Arsenio Hall, Queen Latifah, Chelsea Lately, to name a few and a whole bunch of sitcoms. I saw and met a lot of celebs I have watched over the years over there. One who sticks out is the black guy from Felicity and Scrubs, Donald Faison, Seth Green, Nick Lachey (Jessica Simpson's ex hubby)'s wife, Vanessa Lachey, she is a tv host. I got to talk to her, she loved my big, afro hair. Gorgeous girl, but I'm team Jessica All the way. What can I say? I love her shoes and bags, nail polishes etc. Don't judge me, I shop at Ross!

One morning, After having been with one casting network for almost a month and not having been booked the entire month by them, I saw a notice for a rush call. A rush call is when they need people on set within an hour of sending out the notice. They had a phone number in the email which I called. They booked me on the spot. It paid good too. I was excited. the shoot was an hour away. I jumped into the showed and rushed out the door. It was for a commercial. I got there nice and early but not as early as he hundreds of people who got there before me. No electronics, please leave them in your car. Sure, will do! Only, I don't have a car! They kept preaching how they were not kidding, they would kick us out of we were caught with cellphones on us. Sht. I went and kid mine where the sun don't shine. Use your imagination!

I went back to the line looking ever so guilty. I needed my cell and I wasn't going to hide it under a random tree or a rock and break it. Plus, I didn't know anyone on set that day even though there were hundreds of people. Eventually, I cracked up a conversation with some girl who is 'one of the few original LAers' Like I care. I'm an original African 'American', so what? Anyway, I guess she is proud of that. She told me that they had very strict security, they found cellphones in people's crotches and shoes the previous day and they kicked them away. Sht! They're definitely going to find mine. I need this gig and I need to keep working with these people. She told me I could just tell the staff that I took the bus, they would hold my cell for me. Turns out a lot of people did that. For some reason, the lady forgot to mention that when she was busy threatening us about getting fired. I left my phone with them #whew

They searched us thoroughly and put us on buses to a secret location. That location was The Santa Monica Airport. There were 1 300 of us, I was told. Count em! That's a lot of freaking people! We got into some hall, they did sound check. Some people had already been there the previous day. It was a three day shoot. An Italian girl I was standing next to had been there the previous day. She asked if I knew who was performing. I was like performing? I thought this was a commercial! She was like yeah, that's what they tell everyone but it's a secret, so you can't tell anyone on social media or anything like that. It's Youtube. I was like Youtube? Yeah, Youtube! Ah ok. I guess she meant it was a Youtube commercial.

We were there for what could have been an hour when a short guy with glasses came onto the stage. I was asking myself, who is this short man with attitude, could it be Pitbull? I looked closely, OMG It's Bono from U2! (Youtube, get it? Damn Italian Accent!). I was so excited, my day couldn't get any better. We got to hang out with Oprah's friend, what! When the people around me saw how excited I was, they told me I could move closer to the stage, they didn't mind, they had been there the previous day. They all but a couple who made out the entire day, didn't mind. So I got to watch U2 sing and that couple make out all day long. all in a day's work! U2 was doing a video of their song Invisible. By the end of the day, we all knew the lyrics to it haha. Check it out on youtube and know that I was there :). It officially debuted during the Superbowl so it was a big deal, hence the secrecy.

He had this swing like mic that he would hold onto and swing towards the crowd, when he did, I made sure to spank his ass haha. When he got back on stage, he said, I felt something in my ass. I was like that was me boo haha. I got to spank him a few times. I am not not gonna touch Bono in what could be my only chance of doing so, sorry. I've come too far not to take advantage of that. It was an awesome day, they fed us good, there were bagels and coffee (which I don't drink), snacks, fruit and warm lunch. They did good for a company that was feeding more than a thousand people.

Lunch time, we all went out. I had my lunch, then on my way to get a piece of fruit, a really cute guy came to me looking ever so excited! He game me a hug, I knew I must have died and gone to heaven. Listen, I am pretty lucky in general but not that lucky! I blinked hard, to see if I was dreaming and realised, I wasn't. It was James! Dude is fine as hell! It's the kind of beauty you don't get used to. He was booked for the same gig! I knew he was an actor but I mean, I didn't expect to see him there. It was nice to see him. He asked how I got there. By bus of course. He drives so he offered to give me a ride that night. I told him not to wait up because there were so many people there, we could lose each other and I didn't want him waiting forever for me. I could just take the bus back. He told me where he was parked. He was going to wait for me for ten minutes from wrap up time, then leave. That was the deal.

I went back in after lunch, his group was sitting outside. It was freezing cold. January, still winter. They had heaters though, so they were well taken care of.

We wrapped up around ten pm. It was a very long day. Call time was around 6am. During lunch, I met a nice Russian lady. We got on like a house on fire. We ended up hanging out together inside, talking about all kinds of things, and men. She told me I have to go out on 100 dates before I find the one. She challenged me to go on all the dating sites I could think off and search, search, search. If I did, she told me, I could get married by the end of 2014. Not one to back down for a challenge, I went, YOU'RE ON, BTCH!

That night, Russian Roulette and I went out. She has  a car but everyone is packed by the beach where we were supposed to meet up in the morning, they were going to take us back there in buses. That's where I was going to meet James. They had our cellphones. We had to wait in line forever. Well, I waited in line while Russian Roulette was collecting all the left over food, sticking it in huge bags that she had brought with her. I was so embarrassed for her. I turned a blind eye. What was I gonna do? As soon as I got my cellphone back, an hour after we wrapped, I already knew James must have left, I just wanted to call and tell him, I would be fine. The bus from Santa Monica to Downtown LA, via Hollywood operates 24/7. I was going to be ok. As soon as I turned my phone on, he called. He had left me messages telling me he was waiting for me. I wasn't sure what time he had left them because, well, my phone isn't that cool. It only shows the time you turn the phone as the time the message came through, that's it.

I took the call, he told me he was still waiting for me. This was more than an hour and a half after we finished up. He was the first group to leave, I felt so bad that he had to wait for me. It was very nice of him. Of course, I was the last one to get dropped off. Murphy's Law. He had heated up the car, it was nice and warm inside. It was much colder outside, it being midnight and right by the beach and all. I got on the car and couldn't help but stare at him. I thought to myself, maybe I could follow him to his room and thank him 'properly'...

Gonorrhea Treatment

New year, no issues! Time to find a roommate, FAST! I had posted an advert on Craig's list almost as soon as I moved in but people were busy with the festive season. I hoped that when everyone was back in town, people would wanna come over and check the place. They did indeed. Some were contacting me from out of town, they wanted to move two months from the time the ad was up. I couldn't wait that long, plus why would you wait for someone who hasn't even viewed the place?What it they had a few places lined up for them?

A number of people came to view my place. It's in Hollywood, so when the out of towners come to see it, they expect it to look like the movies. They want it to look like Beverly Hills, Hollywood Hills or Malibu, sorry boo. Just Hollywood! The very first guy who came to view was from Texas, he had only moved to Los Angeles the previous night. I met him at the main entrance of the apartment, he was so scared, he was shaking. I asked if he was ok, he told me, 'This is not what I expected'. You would swear the guy just saw a ghost. Dramatic Much? He told me he googled the neighborhood, apparently a few blocks down the street from me, is a very dangerous neighborhood, Lemon something. According him. I assume he meant Lemon Grove. He told me never to go there and also told me to move out of my place ASAP. I was like, what are you talking about? I just moved here last week! I'm not moving out!

A few more people were that way, they looked at West Hollywood, which is more towards Beverly Hills and a much more expensive part of Hollywood and expect this to look like that and yet they want to pay the price I am charging. You get what you pay for boo. Why don't you move to WeHo then if you're to fancy for my neighborhood? Shoot! A few people were interested but had a few other places to view. A lot of those were looking for their own bedrooms. Mine was a studio to share. EVERYONE who came to view my place was male! Where my female roommates at? Gees! A guy named Jon (that's what we'll call him), emailed me, he was  a 38/39 year old gay male, blah blah blah. I was interested because, no offence to my gays but he was the closest I could get to a female and the age group was matured so I was hopeful. He came over the following day to view, liked the place. He uses public transportation, we have a bust stop right by the apartment so that was a plus. He was moving from not too far from my place anyway, so he is familiar with Hollywood, he is gay, so he knows West Hollywood AKA the Gayest part of Lost Angeles. He told me he was going to arrange for someone to move him. He would pay me then as well. Oh and when he got here, either his perfume smells very strong or he had been drinking. We're still awaiting verdict on that.

While he was here, he told me about his life, his family, his friends, his then rooming situation. He lived in a two bedroom apartment where there were two people per room, so there were four of them in total in the house. His roommate wasn't talking to him. He was being a jerk blah blah blah. Not to everyone out there: When you meet someone you are hoping to have any kind of a relationship with, leave out the negative! Don't tell them about the mean people who will no longer talk to you or your Aunt Rose who is such a bitch, you had to hit in the head with a pot. Ain't nobody wanna hear that! It makes people's guards go up, they can't help but wonder if you are not the one with a problem. Some will use that against you in future when you have an argument.

Jon would then text me that evening, telling me what he's up to and with him. Don't you just love it when someone refers to people you don't know by name as if you know exactly who that is? He texted me for the following two days. No word as to whether or not he was still coming. He was just talking about himself and his life. I had to ask him what the deal was, was he still interested or not? I kept the ad up. I couldn't just assume I had found someone without him having paid yet, right? Another guy came over to view, he seemed to have liked the place, we clicked, it was great. He was going to sleep on it and let me know the following day if he was going to take it. On his way out, Jon came by to pay. I was over the whole thing of having to be available to show the place, I wanted my life back. I took the payment, gave him his keys, and we were good to go. He took a few more days to move in. He couldn't get hold of his friend who was going to move him. He was planning on sneaking out of his roommates. Apparently, he didn't pay deposit there, so he could just leave without them owing anything. I wanted some kind of security deposit. It wasn't much, just a little. He paid me that. He told me that they were about to get kicked out of the old place. Apparently, some of them were not paying, so they were in trouble. The notice for eviction in 7 days was pushed under the door while Jon was home alone. He stole it. He wanted them to get a surprise of their lives when they got kicked out. I thought that was malicious but then again, I don't know the back story so I just thought to myself, I had to be careful about the guy, he had  a mean streak.

He had a ton of stuff! Bag upon bag, upon bag! He had a nice pair of boots that was supposedly special so he thought that had to go on top of the microwave which itself is on top of the fridge. I was like, yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. He wanted the microwave, which he doesn't use because he is all about being green and saving the planet, in the bedroom, right next to my bed. I was like, I don't think that's gonna roll. What exactly are we doing here? Shoes in the kitchen and microwaves in bedrooms?

He unpacked some of his stuff and left the rest in suitcases in front of his bed. I ain't kidding ya when I say the dude had a lot of stuff. He told me that wasn't everything, he had some at all his friend's places. We got along fine, we had tons of laughs and long chats about Hollywood and men. He is also a transplant from five hours away. He had been here for a while though.

He is on a gay hook up app called Scruff. He met a lot of men there. We would always have someone new to talk about.

Did I mention that just after he moved in, he told me that he was talking treatment for Gonorrhea? Apparently he got it from someone who gave him head at a club. You know how it got to someone's throat right? Can the church say eeeewwwwwww! Of course, I ran and bout all kinds of disinfectants, anti-bacterial this and anti-viral that. I don't know if gonorrhea is contagious and how but I wasn't gonna take a chance. The only person I know who had gonorrhea (untreated) is now mentally disturbed. Apparently, he cured his STD successfully. Without spreading it to me, might I add. He told me that he learnt his lesson, he had been a slut and was done with all that. That was a wake up call for him to only be getting his first std at that age. He was so terrified, he even called and told his very conservative father. Haha, poor parents. #awkward

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

After being so done with Speedy, I headed to my new place. He had asked me why I was moving out so early, I had a few more days before January 1st. I was like, bye!

I settled in at my new place, walked around naked just cos I could. It's way out of my budget, so I was going to have to find a roommate. That was the bummer. I did enjoy the last few days of 2013 in my apartment by myself, eating take outs (take aways) though. I slept in the dark, without anyone watching the telly while I was asleep or smoking weed in my presence, it was the perfect ending to a crazy year. That was my eighth move in 2013. I was tired yall! Exhausted.

Julie came over a few times to 'see' me. This is what happens when she comes over for a 'visit'. She calls to find out if  I am home, then tells me she was thinking of dropping by because she hadn't seen me in a while, then she comes over, sits on the floor (she likes that. I'm ok with it if she is), then she asks to check her emails on my computer because they don't have internet at hers. I pay for mine, it's not something the US government unfairly gives to some people and doesn't give to others, so all they have to do, she and her man is to pay for it too. Especially seeing as she lives with her man and a roommate. Everyone in there has a job, clearly they can afford a few dollars for the internet. If I can afford it, they surely can. Anyway, I will give her the laptop and let her do her thing. After checking her emails, she will ask to check her messages on Facebook because some people don't have her number, so they message her over there. Fair enough, I let her. Usually, when she comes over, I would normally be in the middle of doing something on the computer, so I have to stop doing what I am doing, because she 'missed' me. She would then hang out on facebook, trying to multitask, she would ask me about my day, etc, and go on to chat with her friends while I answer, leaving me talking to myself, cos nobody can multitask that much. You can't have two conversations with separate people at the same time. I don't care how good a multitasker you are. 

If I as much as walk out or go to the loo (restroom), I will come back to find her quickly checking the history of websites I have visited on the net. One day, I found her looking at my pictures, which are located elsewhere on the computer, not on the net, which is what she had asked to use. Or I will come back to find her trying to quickly upload pictures on facebook, then she will quickly pull out the memory stick, when I walk in. It's kinda weird. I don't know why you would want to know what I do on my computer, and why would you want to look at my pictures in my absence, the joy in looking at someone's pictures is having them there giving you the back story of the picture. Unless you are looking to find that which the other person doesn't want you to see. Well, that's a whole another story. And I think that's what she was trying to do.

If I tell her about a guy I met online, she would ask to see a picture, when I browse through the pictures on my phone to show her the guy, she is so focused on the pictures, she would be like, what's that? Who's that? Like, if she sees a little bit of skin, maybe a guy sent me a shirtless picture. I would show her quickly, and then go back to what I was doing and eventually show her the person I was talking about. She would take the phone, browse through, and not even look at the person I was showing her. The person whose picture SHE had asked to see. B!tch don't browse through my sh!t! That's not cool. You don't do that.

I bit my tongue the first few times until I couldn't take it any more. My internet is very slow when it comes to watching videos, so I would spend the day buffering a few episodes of whatever show I would be watching at the time and then, enjoy them later when I am done doing whatever I was doing. She came over one night, I had about four episodes I had buffered that day. I asked her not to close the browser. When she was done, she logged off, she always made sure to log off, she would even come back from having left to make double sure she logged off. That from someone who snoops through my sht when I'm gone. Get your own internet and you won't have to worry about logging off! Anyway, that night, when she was done, she logged off facebook and yahoo and closed the browser. I lost everything! I was so mad! I was like, did you just close the browser! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! that's what she does when you have a conversation with her, she's not listening to what you're saying. She just goes yeah! A lot of people do that here, that's why I keep conversations light. Nobody cares, they just wanna talk about themselves. When you talk, they are thinking of what to say next about themselves. The moment you shut up, even mid sentence, the blurt out something about themselves. They will tell you the same story over and over than listen to what you have to say. I had to repeat myself and asked her again if she closed the browser after I had asked her nicely not to. She was like oh, oh! Sorry gurl! I am so sorry! I explained why it was a big deal to me. She may think I was being petty but then I think they are petty for not getting their own internet, what I do on mine is my business, don't invite yourself to my place and judge me! GTFOH!

After that day, she came one more time, spent three hours on the internet while I watched her enjoy herself not knowing what to do with my hands. She was on TMZ and other celebrity blogs that she found from browsing my history. I had to ask her if what she was doing was urgent because I gave her the computer to check her messages, I myself haven't had a chance to look at the blogs because I was looking for jobs, but now I am having to sit and watch her live the life while I have things to do on the computer. If you are here as my friend because you missed me (which is impossible because you don't even know me like that. You never ask me anything about myself or listen when I talk, so not only do you not know me, you are not interested in getting to know me), why do you spend all your time here on the internet? Clearly, that's what you came here for!

After the second confrontation, she never came back to my place. I was so relieved, good riddance! I got to enjoy the comfort of my new place. PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB! 

She would call, ask what I am up to, then tell me she is on her way to the internet cafe. I guess she was trying to make me feel guilty. Do you think I felt guilty? No prizes for guessing! She had previously told me that she didn't want to use the free internet at the library, she didn't like the vibe over there and didn't want to pay at internet cafes just to use the internet. She and her boyfriend had wifi before. They stole it from someone in the neighborhood, when that person found out, they changed login details, so they were no longer able to steal it. I thought it was ballsy of her to tell me she didn't want to do those things to get internet but then come use mine which I pay for. Maybe I'm full of sht but I don't get some people's thinking processes. Or maybe I'm slow. 

I had a new friend who I met at Chelsea Lately. We'll call her Jessie. She is South American, nice girl, who could either be 20 or 40, the jury is still out on her age. Don't ask, don't tell. She is obsessed with wanting me to lose weight. She tells me I have a beautiful face but I have to lose weight. She's like if I were to lose weight my life would change dramatically, I would get more acting gigs, find a hot boyfriend etc etc. Er duh! You think I don't know that? That's what makes it that much harder to lose weight. The pressure of it all. She told me she had great diet pills at her house, she wanted me to use them. They guarantee a loo of 1lb (500grams) per week. I didn't believe that but what did I have to lose but weight, right? 

She kept forgetting to take them with her when we met up, so I offered to go get them at her place, she agreed. I walked over there, big mistake! It wasn't as close as I had anticipated. It was like an hour's walk or something. In the heat, good thing I had my umbrella with me. I was still in high spirits over my new place so nothing could bring me down. It was the end of one of the craziest years for me, so I was excited and looking forward to 2014. I arrived at her place, which she shares with her husband. I love her husband, he is hilarious. I met him at the taping of the Queen Latifah show where we all won laptops? Remember the friends who gave me a ride home? This is them. We hung out at her cute place, she made lunch, Peruvian! We drank Peruvian soda, it was nice! I had a nice time with her. She told me some of the craziest stories I have ever heard, and I've heard some crazy stories! We laughed, we cried, fun times all around. I must have been there for 5 hours or so, when her husband got home. That was my cue to go home. He didn't stay, he had forgotten his bicycle on the bus, so he went back to get that at the depot. I stuck around a little longer, then eventually left. By the time I left, the trains (subway) was free for a few hours. Free rides for all, new Year's special to prevent New Year's eve Traffic jams. I took the subway to Julie's. She had called and wanted to spend New Year's eve together. I wasn't up for it, I thought, I'd go with them a happy day and go home. I was ready for bed, chile, I'm old! 

When I arrived, she came to get me at the main entrance of her block, she lives right on Hollywood Boulevard, nice apartment block, with two swimming pools. She is the one whose at whose house we spent Christmas Day. She was all dressed up, she had done her hair and all. I was like, whoa, where are you off to? The musician that she had over at hers on Christmas had a party at his friend's, she was ready to go there with her boyfriend. She asked me to go with them. I didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like being in another party with people I don't know ho were highly likely going to be drunk and stoned and it's NYE, people are going to make out at midnight. I've already gone through all that at Christmas, I was ready to have a nice and relaxed NYE. I politely declined. Her boyfriend wasn't about to leave the house either. So she ended up not going after all. I felt sorry for her. Boyfriend's friends, who are a couple, dropped by just before midnight. Speed was texting me, telling me I was right. How do  I know these things, why is it that I am always right? He was sucking up, needing attention. He didn't want to be alone at midnight, he wanted to be in the midst of a conversation with me. I wasn't going to be in the midst of a conversation with him at midnight, so I stopped texting. He was telling me that he did have that girl, the ex move in after I moved out. They did have sex. Whoop defreaking doo! Then she left him and went back to her boyfriend that she had had a fight with. Does it look like I care? Obviously not! I told him, I was no longer his roommate, I didn't have to listen to any of that anymore. It is what it is, happy new year boo! 

After midnight, I headed home. Julie walked me to the station. We stood there and talked a bit, people watched. There were people everywhere! It looked like it could be daytime. Some people were crying over the stars of their favorite celebrities on the walk of fame. Michael Jackson's fans put lit candles on his star, it was cute and sad. I got home, talked to my family and went to bed early hours of 2014. Goodbye 2013, hello 2014!

The Apartment

After Christmas, Julie took me to an apartment block where she lived for six years when she first moved to LA. It's in Hollywood. I got contact details and called the office the following day as soon as they opened. They told me that they had two apartments available, they had a couple view them previously, and one of them was soon to be taken but the couple hadn't signed anything nor paid yet. I rushed over to the place. It was a good 45 minute walk or so from my place. I could've  taken the bus but whatever!

I arrived at the apartment in such a hurry, viewed the two available units, one was on the fourth floor, which is also the top floor and one is on the second. One has a nice view of LA, the other, no view at all, just walls. The apartments are so small as it is, all you need is to see more walls when you look out the window #claustrophopia. I took the one with the view. I had to pay for them to do credit check on me, this, that and the other. They don't accept cash or cheque (check), so I had to walk around some more, in the sun, looking for money order places. When I did find a place that sells money orders, they didn't accept debit orders, so I had to either look for another one or an ATM, I found the latter. The limit was $120! That wasn't gonna work! I called the bank to find out where the nearest one was to me, the lady didn't understand my accent so she couldn't be of much help. I found another money order place, they charged a ridiculous amount for using debit cards. I was like heck no! I eventually found another ATM, that charged the same as the money order place, I had walked too much and was hot and tired. I remembered that all they wanted was just some money to ensure that I wanted the place, it didn't even have to be the full deposit. I had some money in my wallet from my salary that  I was going to deposit at the bank later, I added that to the money I had withdrawn and paid the deposit and some of the rent money and told them I would pay the rest when I went to collect the key. By the time I got back, they had already done the credit check. I just had to pay for it. They interviewed me, looked at  my application, All was in order, I got the place. I WAS SO HAPPY! That was one of my happiest moments in this country! My own apartment, with my own name on the lease! It was a huge achievement to me! I was so happy, I gave the manager a hug. She was so sweet and so cool throughout. They told me I would get the key on the last day of December. I didn't want to move on New year's day, so I asked them what the earliest I could move in was, she told me a few days before the end of the year, she was pretty cool there, because they didn't charge me for those days.

I headed Speed's. On my way home, I called my bff from New Jersey. I told her the good news, my friend from Ontario who I love, the two of them are my rock here and Julie who had helped hook me up with the place. I got home, rested a little bit and started packing. Speed hadn't been spending that much time at home, he was working left, right and centre. Thank goodness! I wasn't going to let anything happen to dampen my spirit. I was in cloud nine and I intended to keep it that way. I was only at his one or two more nights after Christmas and I was gone! I didn't have any furniture so I didn't have to worry about that. I decided to go cheap or go home! I went cheap! I came to pay rent and collected the key one afternoon. I walked around the neighborhood to see what's up. I was psyched! I had the key in my very hand! I walked to Food 4 Less, they have fried chicken over there. KFCesque. I used to have it when I lived in San Diego with Perry. I got some and some rolls and came back to the apartment. I hung out over here, munched on the chicken. So not worth it! And I had bough 8 pieces! The plan was to live on that for the first few days at the apartment. If you know me, you will know I am not big on cooking. I put all that in the fridge. The apartment comes with a kitchenette with a stove and fridge, I have a microwave. All I needed was a bed. After munching away, it was late, I was tired, I lay down on the floor and woke up the following morning around 1. I spend the rest of the night at the apartment.

The following day, I walked around looking for a bed. That was really all I needed. It was hot out, winter, but still hot! Southern California for ya! I was looking for a small bed and maybe a sleeper couch in case I end up having to have a roommate. I found a small bed and a fold up bed. Perfect! I bought both, they would deliver for me at a fee, I am three blocks away from them, so that wasn't much of a schlep. They also had bedding for my beds, new sheets, fitted, flat and a pillow. They had pillows across the street. I got all I wanted at a go. I have my comfy cashmere blanked that I got from the Queen Latifah show and a sleeping bag I bought in Utah. I couldn't be more set. I waited a few minutes for the driver, he dropped me off and helped me to the elevator. He left. I pushed my stuff to my apartment. Fortunately these beds are so small, I was able to carry them one by one to the apartment. The last bed I bought was my custom made king size bed in South Africa. This was a major upgrade (NOT). It's comfortable nonetheless.

I got home, set everything up, tried out the bed and woke up the following morning around 3. While I was still setting up, I got a call from Speed. He told me he misses me. He asked if I was ok and where I was. I told him I was ok, I was looking for a place to stay, OBVIOUSLY! Where else would I be, I had been given a week to leave his place, I had to act fast. I may have mentioned that I might not be back that night. He texted me an hour later asking me if I would mind if he let his friend, conveniently an ex of his, crash on the couch that night. He was like, she got herself into some kind of a situation with her boyfriend, she really needs a place to crash tonight. I told him that he had told me no friends allowed, so he should know what the answer to that question was as he had set the rules. He told me that she was desperate, he never would have asked me if it weren't that dire. I was like, so it's not ok when I want to chill with my girl friends in the daytime but it's ok when he wants to shag his girlfriend. He told me they are not together, she is with someone else blah blah blah. I was like Speed please! You know you want to take advantage of this girl now that she is nice and vulnerable, that woman is not going to sleep on the couch, you tell me that because you don't want me to come home tonight, so I don't disturb you guys. You have kicked me out, in a matter of days I will officially out, hold your horse until then. For now, NO! If I can't have guests, neither can you. He was like I should have known you were gonna say no. This woman is here right now, but I will check her into a hotel if you don't want her here. I told him not to make it seem as if I am the bad person here, he made the rules, I am just playing along. I suggested he follow her to the hotel, seeing as he will be paying.
Paying my left n*t. He knows he can't even afford his own place, what's he talking about checking an ex girlfriend into a hotel. N word please!

The following morning, I was up early. I had a ton of stuff to move by bus. I told you I went cheap! I bought a day's bus pass and did three trips. When I got to Speed's that morning, he was like, I owe you! You were right, I can't have that woman here. She would've taken advantage of me and I wouldn't have been able to say no and before you know it, she and I would have been back together just like that. I was like, dude, please! I am moving out! I don't care! You don't have to lie to me about your sex life. Soon, I will be a no factor in your life. He went on and on, attention seeking about something that's based on nothing. Then he asked me what's up on my side, what have I been up to. I told him absolutely nothing. He asked what I am doing, with luggage in my hands, on my way to the door, I told him, 'nothing, just chilling!' and walked out. Around midday, I was doing my last trip. Speed was home. Again, he asked what I was doing, I told him nothing really. He was like, Brook, you're obviously moving out, where are you moving to? Have you found a place? I told him that's something he should have thought of before he gave me a  week's notice to move out because he wants to have sex with his ex. 'She's not the reason I am kicking you out. I will not even have a roommate once you move out. I am so done with roommates, blah blah blah' Kiss my s, Speed, I don't buy it!

As I was about to walk out, a few minutes before the bass came, he told me he wasn't going to let me carry all that stuff by myself, he'd be damned. How Romantic! Seeing as that was my load, and he was there the entire time I was moving, much much heavier stuff, now all of a sudden he was concerned about my well being, now that I was really leaving and wouldn't tell him where I was gong. He was curious! He wanted to see where I was moving to. I told him, I was ok, thanked him for the offer and went on my merry way. As I walked out, he rushed to the car and waited for me there. I didn't care. He called and was like, come on! Let's go, I'm waiting for you! What a psychopath! To think that that man was weird from the first time I met him when he tried to give me a kiss till the very last moment I saw him! Gosh! I ignored him and just left, he ran towards the stairs, where I was headed, gave me a long, gross hug. I was so ready to leave, ugh! He then tried to kiss me in the mouth, EEEEEEEeeeeeeewwwwwwWWWW!

The Hollywood Sign

I spent Christmas eve with Julie. Then hung out at her place that night. We went over to my place to get my laptop so we could play music. We had a nice time, getting to know each other. Her boyfriend got home late that night. He was out of town for a week. Cute guy. He looks like a beautiful girl. So cute! We all hung out and talked. Later that night, BF went to sleep. Julie was cooking, I dozed off on the couch. When she was done cooking, she told me I didn't have to go home that night, I could just crash on the couch. I did just that. It was late, I was half asleep.

I left early the following morning for mine. Everyone was still asleep by 7am. I was up around 5 or so, so it was already late morning for me. I decided to go home to freshen up. I texted Julie that I had left. I told her to let me know when she was ready for me to go back. I saw some tourists from Canada on Hollywood Boulevard, on my way home. They were so excited, taking pictures, etc. They asked for directions to the hollywood sign. I felt like such the tourist when I gave the directions. They asked what else they could do on the boulevard, and they wanted to see Michael Jackson's Star. Of course, I know where that is, I have taken a picture on it!

Speaking of the Hollywood Sign, a week prior, before I quit my job, Speed told me he wanted to do things with me, as usual. First he brought me Roses. This was after I snapped and asked him, as someone who is trying to get in a relationship with me, what has he done to woo me. He brought me those the following day. It was an awkward moment. He first called on his way home to ask if I was going to  be available to go out for dinner that night. He had just gotten money from the lawyer from the car accident. I didn't care because that morning on his way there he flipped out about not wanting my South American friend over at his house because he hates Mexicans and has nothing in common with them. Anyway, when he called, I told him that I was tired and was going to bed. He was like, 'well, I guess I will have to keep these roses for myself'. I guess that was his way of telling me that he had planned a romantic evening for us. Who cares? I was like ok, bye.I didn't know what to say. For someone who had been married three times, he sure didn't know how to get into a woman's pants.

He came home with the two roses, the highest number of roses I ever got is 18, but who's counting? He looked me deep in the eye when he got home, handed me the flowers and tried to get himself a kissy in the process. I ducked, thanked him for the roses and overreacted. I had to, I was underwhelmed by the act. It was inappropriate. Who brings their roommates, who they fight with all the time about everything red roses?
He put them in a vase and set them next to my laptop. I let them sit there until they died, then I threw them away, washed his vase and put it away. Nothing changed. After the roses, when I told him that I wasn't available to go out to dinner, he told me that I owed him an outing in the daytime when I wasn't tired.

Whenever I would leave to do something with friends, he would complain that I still haven't gone out with him. he came out with the brilliant idea to take me to the Hollywood sign, knowing that I had never been. I wasn't psyched that he was going to take me there. I would have rather go with someone I care about or by myself. He is a tour guide so he goes there all the time with tourists. He asked to take me to the lake for a picnic and to the sign, I agreed under duress. We were to do that on a Sunday. He reminded me that night. The following morning, after workm I had to go downtown straight from work to run an errand, he texted me and told me that he hoped I wasn't going to be too tired when I got home because we were going out that morning like it or not. I wanted to die.

I was like, you know what I am just going to do this and get it over and done with. After that I was never to agree to anything, come rain...! I got home looking like a zombie, he even told me I looked like sh*t then asked if I was ready to go. I told him, yep! He was like, do you need to freshen up? I said, I'm tired, let's get this over and done with. He is so shameless, he didn't even care that I talked like that. We went to the car, he drove off. There were some special homes and sights on the way to the Hollywood signs, he talked to me about all those, would slow down for me to take pictures, I didn't give a sh*t, I just wanted to get the whole thing over and done with. He was in such high spirits, he was singing along to music playing in the CD. We finally arrived at the spot, he parked his car and showed me a house that Madonna used to live in across from the hollywood Sign, I took a picture of that. I took a few pictures of the statue, he took a few pictures of me. I looked around and smiled, taking it all in. He said, 'I am glad I am the reason you smiled. This is the first time you smiled in three days.' I don't know why he's counting. He was the main reason I was miserable!

He didn't even get that I didn't want to go there or anywhere with him for that matter. Anyway, soon, we drove back home. He told me to count myself lucky that I had him to do that for me, he doesn't do that for everyone and people pay big money to go there. Blah blah blah. I thanked him for taking me there. On our way home, his phone rang. He was vague talking on it. As we entered the gate to the apartment, there was a lady waiting there. He approached the car. He went, 'Hi!' Told me bye, he had to go somewhere. Basically he dropped me off outside the gate and went on his merry way with the smiling lady. I was praying, please Lord, let this be his girlfriend!

He soon came back, an hour or so later. Dang it!

So the morning after the night he tried to watch tv and I asked him to lower the volume, Speed left for work. He called me as soon as he left the apartment and asked me to move out at the end of the month. I said ok and hung up.

I was still up When he got home that night. I knew he was going to wanna talk about it. I didn't. He would only want to do it to clear his conscience anyway, not because he felt bad to having hurt my feelings, which he didn't. He said the most famous last lines, 'Look! Brook!' F*^k! I wanted to die. This is not working out. I think for the same amount you're paying here, you can find yourself a private room where you can make as much noise as you want and not wake anybody up. When he was trying to sell me the place before I moved in, he told me I would never find a deal like that anywhere else. All of a sudden, I could? B*tch please! He was like, now that you are no longer working and your system is out of whack from working nights, It's hard for me to get a good night's sleep. This makes me grumpy at work, I yelled at a tourist today! Can you believe it? I wasn't even looking at him. It's hard for me to make eye contact with someone who disgusts me. I was focusing on my phone, doing nothing. Could you put the phone down for a minute? Sure, what? wrap it up, I need to go to sleep, plus I need to be nice and fresh tomorrow cos I have to find a place to stay in a week. He went on about how it wasn't working out blah blah blah. When he was done yapping, I bade him good night and went to sleep.

I walked home Christmas morning. Took a nap, freshened up and set aside Julie's Christmas gift for later. Speed got ready for work. Just before he left, he wished me a Merry Christmas and told me to look under the sofa, maybe Santa left me something there. I was like, what kind of a joke is that, I'm not doing that! He insisted and left, so of course I checked. There was a wrapped up gift with my name on it. I couldn't believe Speed got me a gift. I didn't get him anything. Dude just kicked me out a few days prior! I wondered when he could have gotten the gift.  Before or after he kicked me out? I called and told him I couldn't accept it. He was like come on, it's the least I can do. You don't have any family here, I had to do something. Come to think of it, it would have been nicer if he had gotten gifts for his kids that he hasn't seen in forever instead of a middle aged, random African woman who won't give him the time of day. Anyway, I was like screw it! Opened the box up. There were lottery tickets in there, the scratch kind, I didn't win any money. Only two more scratch cards which I have to claim by mailing those cards back. I have yet to do that. There was also a box of Dark Chocolates in there, two layers of chocolate. It was nice of him, I guess.

Around 8pm. I got a call from Julie. She told me that everyone was at the party, I could go over. Speed was back. He had promised to make me the most amazing dinner that Christmas but I told him I had plans. He was disappointed when he learnt of my plans cos he had bought all kinds of Christmas; food like a huge turkey and everything else. Unfortunately, he hadn't asked if I was available so it's what it is. He ended up not cooking. Also to retaliate, he told me that he was going to have a friend over to spend Christmas over at the apartment with him cos he didn't make plans with his other friends thinking that He and I were going to have a nice quiet Christmas at the apartment alone. It's like this man was living in his own little bubble. He was clueless as to the reality that is my life that was happening right before his very blue eyes.
That night I asked Speed to drop me off, it's 2 minutes away. I really didn't feel like walking again. He was like, you know there are cabs right outside the apartment that you can hire to take you anywhere you want. I was like, Really? Thanks for telling me that, let me go get one right now. Thanks so much, Merry Christmas! *ss hole. My sweet friend Julie has been trying to hook me up with someone since we met. I told her I like White guys. She decided to have a black and a white guy at the party for me to choose from. Sweet, right?

I arrived there and found Julie, her girl friend, Julie's man, his friend, his other friend, the one Julie was trying to hook me up with. I had met him previously, she asked what I thought of him. He's ok. I believe he's bisexual. I would like a straight guy next time for a change. Spotty was Bisexual. He was never with any men while we were together, but just knowing that he swung both ways was slightly bothersome. A few other of my exes were that way too. That's a whole another blog! Julie's other friend, a musician, was there with his son. He's the black one. People had already been drinking for about two hours and smoking the green stuff by the time I got there. They were listening to music off of The girl friend's iPhone. We all sat around the dining room table and got to know each other. The friend I had met before, asked if I wanted to go to the balcony to smoke. I told him I was good, thanks. He told me he likes girls who smoke weed.Obviously I wasn't his type then! The GF was like, I'll smoke weed with you! They went out, smoked, came back made out in the kitchen. They made out all night long until it was time to leave around 1am. Scratch that guy off my list of prospects. The musician? Nah thanks.