Tuesday, November 05, 2013


Cindy and the lil one were waiting for me in the living room as I got home from the date with Paul. They wanted to hear all about it. I wasn't too comfortable talking about men in front of a three year old but who am I to depict how people should do things in their homes? When you don't have kids, you have to watch what you say to and about kids around their parents otherwise they will remind you that you don't have kids.

I may have told you that around every street corner in Utah, is a Mormon Church or LDS (from the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint). Cindy and her husband are non active LDS members. She told me to join the church. My brother, who lives in Cape Town, South Africa is a mormon too.  Only other mormon I know, actually. Anyway, I was like, I'm in Utah, might as well do as the Utahans do, so first Sunday, I was there! The service was an hour long then I saw people leaving, so  I did too. When I got home, Cindy was like, oh, you're back? Uhm here, the church is out! No, it isn't, they have meetings after church. Those meetings are supposed to last for like the rest of the afternoon. I was like, this is gonna be fun, from not going to church at all to spending all day there! Quite an adjustment. More like a chore but ok, we'll give it a try.

She told me to call the church and ask that they show me around next time I'm there. See, I like to do my own thing, without people breathing over my neck, otherwise I get suffocated. I wanted to just go to church, stay if I want or don't if I don't feel like it. Cindy took over being my church guide and as soon as she did, I almost didn't feel like doing it anymore, plus if she's so passionate about church, how come she no longer goes?

The following Sunday, I made the short walk up the road to church. There were no cars in the parking lot  and the doors were locked. What? What kind of a church is this? I was raised catholic, my uncle A.Z. Brook was the Bishop of the Catholic Church, Umtata Diocese for the longest time. May his soul R.I.P. So I literally grew up in church. He was like a father to me, my own father passed on in 1988. They actually passed away on the same date and date, Monday, September the 5th. One in 1988 and the other in 2011. Anyway as far as I know the church doors are never locked, at least not in the day time, or is it me?

I went back home almost relieved that I didn't have to spend all day in there. Cindy was like, wha' happe'? (Madea's voice) I told her the place was locked. She told me they probably had a conference, she forgot to tell me about it. She is very forgetful, that Cindy! That afternoon, I sent an email via the LDS website with my mobile number and all that. I wanted to make an appointment with someone or something. I hardly hit the send button and there was a knock on the door. It was the Missionaries! The heyl! Two very lovely ladies in skirts with backpacks, had just got off their bicycles to see me. I was like, well, hi guys, I thought you would call to make an appointment. They told me how eager they are to do the work that as soon as they saw my address, they didn't bother to read the rest of the email, they were on the road.

I told them, well, here's the thing, this is not my place, I am crashing at a friend's place and would appreciate it if you wouldn't do this again. We sat and talked about everything, we got along like a house on fire. Cool people. One from California and the other from Washington State. We had an appointment for Wednesday, which was going to be my birthday, I agreed to meet them in the morning. April 10th. please make a mental note :)

Cindy was very pleased to hear about all that. She seems to be a proud member of the LDS. Only, actions speak louder, so.

I had been talking to a man online, we'll call him Dan. Dan had an interesting profile, at least to me. He was the my type so to speak, works in IT, (as a closeted geek myself, I'm into geeks), has traveled intensively, been to such places as Asia and Eastern Europe, he is tall, 6'2 (188cm almost 2metres), has long-ish hair, blue eyes, the works, he had me at hello! We exchanged emails, he sent me more pictures of his cute self. He is LDS, no surprises there. We are in Utah after all. He wanted to meet up one evening at 9. Inasmuch as I wanted to, I thought it was too late to meet someone you 'met' online, don't you? Especially for the first time. I had already done all my research on him. I always do that. I know I am a serial dater but I try my best to do a background check on everybody I am going to meet up with. That doesn't mean nothing will ever happen to me, but I try to cover my s as much as possible. He has a blog and is a published children's book writer, an athlete and all round intelligent dude who passed top of his class.

Wednesday came, I didn't have huge plans, I had only been in Salt Lake city for a couple of weeks. It was a beautiful, sunny day and for a change, they didn't leave the kid at home with me. Since I had moved in, they stopped dropping the lil one off at grandma's, who they were paying for daycare, they decided to just leave her at home with Baba (aka me) without actually discussing it with me. I don't mean to be a diva but if we agreed I should move in with you to I can look for a job, I kinda need to be out there looking for a job not babysit your kid who is busy kicking me out of your house every change she gets.

We spent an hour with the Missionaries, they were surprised that I knew basic bible stuff like Adam and Eve and St Peter And St John, you know stuff that everybody knows? I was like, these people'd better not come kid here, Ain't nobody got time for that! Soon as they left,I was out the door. I bought cake ingredients. My birthday is a week after Cindy's. Hers is on April 4th. I gave her a massage for her birthday after which she said the most famous, most annoying last lines; I should really go for a massage! Why do people do that? After I give them an amazing, free massage, they then wanna book for a paid massage with someone else, hellooooo, I'm a massage therapist! You wanna pay for a massage, even though I just gave you a free one, pay me! Book me!

I baked red velvet cake for my birthday. They all came home later that evening. We went to an African store to Husband's friend. He played some Brenda Fassie music, lil one and I danced to our heart's contents. My sis called to wish me a happy birthday. I went outside to take the call, lil one wouldn't leave me alone, I'm just like, can you get the child, I have to take this? It's like you're the nanny, if she's not with you, who do you want to take care of her! Ugh, anyway, she overheard part of the conversation and went back and told everybody it was my birthday. it was after 7pm already by then. They were like, oohhhh man, why didn't you remind us? We forgot! Uhm, let me think, why didn't I remind you? Oh yeah, because I'm not four! I'm not gonna force people to sing for me on my birthday. Plus it's not a big deal, people's priorities are different.

I asked Cindy what she thought of Dan wanting to meet up at 9pm, if she didn't think it was too late. She was like, go for it! I didn't. First, he wanted me to meet him at his place. I refused. Then he wanted us to meet halfway between his and mine. I told him I wasn't driving. Even if I were, I wouldn't have gone for that cheap tactic! Was he kidding me? I've never heard of such a thing! He told me he was going to be available on Sunday, he had just gotten a new job. He had only got back to the States a couple of weeks prior from abroad. I agreed to meet him on Sunday. He asked if I would mind going to church with him. Ah hem, say what nah? I was like, yeah, sure, of course! As you may guess, there's one up the road from me Why don't we go to the one in my neighborhood? She agreed. The plan was, he was going to pick me up from my place and go to church with me. I had been on a lot of dates, but that was a first!

A few days before Sunday, After Wednesday, the Missionaries took me to Temple Square. That's where there's the LDS Temple and a few other LDS buildings. You must realise the LDS owns Utah. They discovered this state way back when, when they were being kicked out of other states because they were believed to be a cult. That's my understanding of how the story went. Anyway, They own hospitals, schools, apartment blocks, malls, and just about everything in Utah. They couldn't take me to Temple Square on bicycles so they asked somebody from the church to take us. Sister Rose offered. She was nice to do that, but that's the thing about mormons, they will do anything for the church and the book (Book of Mormon, who's watched the movie, by the way? I feel like I should for the sake of Utah). We had a nice time at Temple Square, all the mormons be crying while we watched the videos about families and Christ and all that. With all due respect but I have never met a more emotional group of people in my life! Those people cry every Sunday at church, at all the meetings, I'm talking about men, women, children, the whole lot! Mine were the only dry eyes everywhere I went with them.

They introduced me to Missionaries from Asia and whoever else we met at Temple Square. After that, they took me home. Sr Rose took me to her house to meet her family. I had no choice, we were already on our way to her house when she told me about it. We went upstairs to the bedroom where everybody was, awkward! There they were, the father, three grown kids, playing TV games and watching TV. I shook everybody's hands, the father didn't even look me in the eye when we were introduced. The oldest daughter and  her cleavage were very nice. I mention the cleavage because Mormons are very conservative, it was refreshing to see that kind of dress code in a Mormon household. Rose asked her daughter to pick me up on Sunday and walk with me to church. We exchanged numbers. I was ready to get the h out of that house. I couldn't even take it anymore. I didn't need to be walked to a church I had already been so many time too. I felt like I was in Georgia all over again, where they never ever leave you alone!

As Sr Rose dropped me off, she invited me to dinner with that cold and uninviting family of hers. I politely declined. Plus i wasn't hungry. I wasn't gonna be hungry for years and years to come. At least to her :)

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