Wednesday, November 06, 2013

My Second First Date in Utah


Saturday Afternoon, I received  a call from Dan. We confirmed our Sunday, church date. I texted Sr Rose’s daughter to inform her that I wouldn’t need her to pick me up or meet me halfway before church because my friend was going to pick me up. Rose’s daughter is a student at one of the universities, she was visiting for the weekend otherwise she lives elsewhere. She has also been abroad on an LDS Mission.

Sunday morning came, I got ready and cute, waited for Dan, he was running a bit late. I heard a loud bang on the main door. It was him, the door bell is right by the door and he has my number. He couldn’t be normal and ring the door bell or call or text to say he was outside, he had to wake everybody up in the entire county of Salt Lake! I rushed downstairs, God forbid he becomes impatient and knocks again! When I opened the door, I was gobsmacked, dude is cuuuute! Sp much cuter in person. I couldn’t get over his eyes! Blue as blue can be!

We arrived at church, I was still interested in seeing how a church date was going to pan out. It didn’t help that we walked in late, the new girl and a random dude. Anyway, we sat next to each other. Somewhere along the line, it was time to testify, everybody was all teary eyed, I was thinking to myself, Lord, don’t let this man cry on this already strange date, I couldn’t stand it! He didn’t! Thank you stars! But he did get up unannounced and went to testify in front God, the church, Prophet Joseph Smith (that’s the main man of LDS, kinda like Jesus but not quite, they also believe in Christ), and the book! You have to say you believe in the book (of mormon). You know, I was sitting there thinking to myself, what am I doing here? Why am I in this church I know nothing about with this man, who randomly gets up and testifies. This is all new to me! I went with it though. Dan made some jokes, people were laughing. Hey, I’ll take that over crying anyday!

After church, he told me there would be meetings. He wanted us to go to all the meetings. Really? What is this? When are we gonna go on the date date? I had nothing against the whole church thing, just that if you tell me we are going on a date, I expect that at some point, we will get to spend time together, just you and I getting to know each other. Anyway, Rose’s Daughter (RD) came by, introduced herself (and her boobs, they came to play that day too!) to Dan and asked if I was ready to go to bible study. Dan was like, sure, let’s go! I needed to use the restroom (loo), so I asked her to direct me. Dan was like, we’ll come with you. They walked ahead of me, while I followed behind like a loyal dog, feeling ever so awkward. She was telling him about herself, everything there is to know. Mind you, these people don’t know each other!

I quickly went into the restroom, when I got back, she was like, yeah, I have a group in my neighbourhood of foreign whatever, blah blah blah, he was interested in attending, and seeing what it’s all about, they exchanged numbers. I was just like, this is too weird for my fcking liking, I’m ready to go home. Fck these people! I couldn’t show it though, it was me against the mormons. I had to be polite! She took us to this tiny room, where he father was waiting for us. As if the day couldn’t get any more awkward, her father is the bible study teacher. Awesome! Who all was in there, RD, her father, Dan and I. That’s it! Dan is very good at breaking the ice and just all round socialising. We were all talking and laughing, then it was the time to officially start. They asked him to open up with prayer. You know, where I come from, they would never ask a stranger to open up with prayer, it’s kinda like putting someone on the spot. Good thing he didn’t mind. He mentioned everybody by name and added, ‘and Brook’, when he said that, RD burst out laughing. I hoped I imagined that.

At the end of our hour long session, they asked yours truly to close in prayer. I was just like, this is just fantasticle, I’m supposed to be on a date, now I have to prove to this man that I can pray too, already! On our first date! #Mormonism. I did! There was going to be another meeting afterwards. Relief society. Don’t ask me relief from what. Walking to our respective rooms, women had their own thing and men had heirs, so Dan and I were going to split up. They were walking side by side again, I was running right behind them trying to catch up. They are both very tall. He asked her why she laughed when he said my name during his prayer. I thought to myself, glad I didn’t make that up in my head! She was like, ‘well, it’s how you said it. You could tell it was an after thought. That she’s like not important’ yeah! She said that! With me right behind her! The fck was that all about? I knew that girl was trouble, in fact, that entire family is weird. He was like, you know that’s not true, why would you say something like that? She was giggling and flirting, it would have been cute if it weren’t pathetic and fcking annoying.

I had to sit next to her in Relief society, not in the fcking mood, bro! But I did. She was looking at my shoes the entire time, I was thinking, I know they cute btch, what? What? Haha J They handed out hymn books, she got one, I didn’t. She took it upon herself to go, ‘does everybody have a hymn book? If not, it’s nobody’s fault you were sleeping’. I kept asking myself, why am I here again? They were like, oh Brook doesn’t have one, will you share with her? She said, sure! She didn’t, I didn’t give a fck, I didn’t give a fck about her, her family, the church, the prophet, the book, the golden plates, I could care less about any of that, I wanted the hell outta there. I felt like I was the new girl at school and she was bullying me, only I was never that girl at school and she’s like ten years younger than me. And we’re at church. She did ask me how I know Dan and how long we have known each other for. My answer was vague because it’s none of her business. Clearly she didn’t care about anything that may be going on between Dan and I.

After relief, which was an ironic name for something that was definitely not a relief, the only relieving thing about that was the ending. Dan came to get me. He had collected phone numbers from just about any and everybody in that church. RD offered me a ride, I was like, nah, I’m good, Dan has a car. Dan took me to my place, I wanted to get a sweater. It had cooled down out. Cindy’s husband was home, cooking. Of course, Dan was all chatty with husband, asking for the recipe of the meat cocktail husband was making, husband was about ready to invite him over for dinner. I was like, I’m ready, let’s go. I mean, let’s get this date thing over and done with, this is not a popularity contest!

He suggested we just hang out at the house instead. Uhm, whose house? You can’t just suggest to hang out at someone else’s house. This person is not even your friend, that’s weird. Come on now! I said, nah, I would rather we go out! The lil one was already all over him, they were having a cute conversation, it was nice to watch, she invited him over to her bedroom. He was like, in future don’t ever invite strangers to your bedroom, ok? It’s not safe. Which is true! I tell you there’s something about those blue eyes of Dan’s that make you wanna take him to your bedroom. Even a 3 yr old fell for him!

He told me that as a mormon, they don’t spend money on Sunday, so we were just gonna go to the park. Ok then cheapskate, let’s go to the park. Whatever, use your religion to your advantage and see if girls don’t see past that. He parked the car, we went for a walk and talked. It was really nice, he was flirtatious and touchy, we spent two to three hours at the park, then I was like you can take me home now. I didn’t want us to run out of things to say. I doubt we would have because we are both talkers, but just in case. He dropped me off and told me he would call when he got home. He texted me, and thanked me for my time, proposed we meet again and I never heard from him again.