Sunday, December 01, 2013

A Letter from The Ex

I was nice and tired at work, what with not getting enough rest cos I was busy being wooed by Spotty.

The following day, he picked me up from work,he dropped me off at mine and asked me to call him when I got up, to which I told him to call me after pm. I wasn't gonna be the girl who calls a guy she just met up. He called as I got up around . He came to pick me up just to go hang at his. He made us lunch, I had mentioned that I like pork so he made pork, green beans and macaroni. Tasty! He put cushions on the floor right by the coffee table. That's how we were seated for lunch. It was pretty cool. We could have sat in the kitchen at the counter on the high chairs, but  I liked his idea better.

He played more I'm gonna make you love me type music. I enjoyed his music, old, motown music. I took an hour's nap before work in his bed. He hung out in the living room while I slept. He woke me up when it was time to get ready and took me to mine to freshen up and dropped me off at work. Work was  minutes drive from my place. I used to walk there all the time, 25 minutes walk. I enjoyed it. By the time I got to work, I would feel nice and fresh.

We kept doing that, him picking me up from my place in the afternoon to hang out at his place. It got to the point where he told me to take my uniform with me when I went over to his and my toiletries so I could shower at his. I  did that. Sometimes he would have to work and leave me at his sleeping, to go drive someone around or something and then go back to his. He paid attention to the things I like, one afternoon, he took me to the stores to buy chicken. He was going to make us something to eat. He also bought me Red Velvet cake. That was very sweet of him cos if you know me, you know how much  I love red velvet cake.

He called me one afternoon, I was grocery shopping, he asked if I needed a ride. I told him I as ok, I had a bus pass. I didn't want to be a burden. He offered to pick me up when I was done. He showed up in the limo! Smooth, Spotty, very smooth!  I had flip flops on, sweat pants and a wife beater. I felt so under dressed.

We hung out at my place, he watched a little tv. I treated us to dinner. You know me, I don't cook. We went out for take out. We enjoyed dinner while watching TV. He always told me not to fall in love with him. He told him that the problem with some of the girls he dated in the past was that they fell in love. He is not ready for that. He likes to take his time. I told him to worry about himself, he may have already been in love with me. I'm amazing! I told him, jokingly.

One Saturday, he took me to the park. It gets really busy over there over the weekend. They have people playing drums, kinda like African drums, they show off their eclectic skills like juggling, playing with snakes etc. There's a lot of pot smoking too. Spot made us lunch, he had bought me grapes the previous day, he himself doesn't eat fruit and vege. He packed me some grapes, made us chicken nuggets, from scratch and some chips. It was a very neat picnic! He brought along towels, small blankets, water, camping chairs, the works. How do you not fall in love with someone like that, right? Well, you don't! Someone tells you not to fall in love with them, YOU DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM, simple as that.

Se spent the entire day there, he had picked me up around ten in the morning. We left around 5 to go chill some more at his place, I took a quick nap there before work, took a shower and he dropped me off at work. My phone battery died that night. I had it charging while switched off. Turns out he had taken the bike for a ride, came by my work to say hi, I missed the call because my phone was off. He didn't want to be that weird guy who knocks on the door of a nursing home at 2 o'clock in the morning. I wish he did, I could've used the distraction.

As you might recall, I didn't have a bed in my room. Well, I still didn't!Needless to say, Spotty wasn't allowed in my room. Living room and kitchen only. And bathroom if need be but that's it Mr! He always wondered why he wasn't allowed in my bedroom. I would just smile in return. No comment.

My Landlords, who are the best human beings I have ever met in America, Bless them, hooked me up! My roommate, who was never home, the daughter of the owners of the condo, told her parents that I was sleeping on the floor. I was looking for a bed but I had to have a truck to pick it up #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat! Roommate's mom offered me her late aunt's bedroom suit. I thought that was really special. They delivered it themselves and helped me set it up. Beautiful people, inside and out. They were like parents to me as well. I love them to bits!

I already had bedding, heck I even had Martha Stewart sheets. All that was missing was the bed. She bought me a dresser, chests of drawers, the whole shebang! She even put nice paintings and matching lamps in my room AND she gave me matching linen. Everything was matchy matchy. I was so happy. I made my bed up and when Spotty came over, I took him to my room. He was like, finally! The bedroom! He thought my room was kinda cute, of course it was! It was new! I wasn't gonna tell him that obviously!

He asked me out on a date one Sunday. I agreed. I had Sundays off. He picked me up that evening all dressed up. He had knee high cowboy boots, gotta love a man in heels. And boots, nice combo. Real men wear boots anyway ;) Real men also wear Calvin Klein underwear. Just saying! He told me the destination was a surprise. I had knew high boots as well, and a top which I used as a dress, shhhhh! We walked down the stairs hand in hand, he always held my hand. We used the old, dusty one. I had grown used to it by then. Every now and then he would bring out the Limo but that was our full time ride.

We went for a nice drive on the freeway, it was nice! He wasn't that talkative, I had to ask him a few times if he was ok. We stopped midway to watch the sun set. He drove up the hill, where he usually watches sunsets. It was very romantic. We sat there looking at nature. I enjoyed that. We proceeded for our surprise destination. It was a bar/restaurant, they had live music; a couple who sang very well. It was so packed, we had to stand for a while before a table cleared out for us. Even then, we joined other people at that table, there was no time to wait for our own table, we were both heels, we needed to sit haha.

We had Chicken and Waffles. He thought the combination was rather bizarre. I had heard of the combo but never had it, so I thought what better time than then to try it out. They brought it out with Syrup for the waffles. I had a piece, he had a piece. He promised me he will never eat that ever again. I promised him I will. Every now and again, I would jokingly tell him to sit closer to me, I wasn't going to bite him. I felt some tension here and there, I wasn't feeling his body language at all that night.

Eventually, we drove home. His place. He doesn't allow shoes inside his apartment, we both took off out boots outside and went and sat on the couch. We had THE talk. He wanted to tell me that for some reason, the relationship wasn't going the direction he had wished it would. He didn't have the kinds of feelings he thought he should have at that point in our relationship. GREAT! Just my f*cking luck! I'm getting dumped! He fed me, now he's breaking up with me. How mean! I don't know whats better, getting dumped on an empty stomach or full.

I was like, hang on a minute! Are you breaking up with me? He was like, nooooooo, not at all, I am giving you a heads up. I thought you might want to know how we're doing, that's why I am telling you. I am also concerned that you might be falling in love with me. I was like, uhm, what!!!!!!! First of all, don't flatter yourself! Secondly, how can I fall in love with someone who is clearly not emotionally available, who reminds me constantly not to fall in love with him. thirdly, why are you doing all this things for me? Are you trying to get me to fall in love with you so you can break up with me and break my heart? What is it that you are doing exactly? He told me, well, kinda. I am hoping you will fall in love with me, but in my own pace. I don't want you to fall in love with me to soon.

It was the weirdest conversation I have ever had and I have had some conversations! I asked him where he was hoping we would be in the relationship and if he was still hung up on someone else. I knew he was still holding a torch for his ex, even though he wouldn't admit to it. He told me that he didn't have the feelings he wants to have for me. I was like, ok, so you hate me and you wanna break up? No, I need time! Then what's gonna happen when you realise that it's not gonna happen; you're not gonna fall in love with me? Then you're gonna break up with me, and be like b#tch, don't say I didn't warn ya!

He told me he likes everything about me, he wants to be with me for the longest time but he never wants to get married again. I want to get married, he doesn't know if that's one of the reasons he is holding back feelings-wise. I was like, hey! I wish I could say I don't want to get married, but I do. I have never been married and have always wondered what it would be like for me. I would like to experience it for myself. You have been married, don't you think it's unfair of you to want other people not to make the same mistake you did? Let me make this mistake, if it's not with you, I will make it with whoever wants to make it with me, but it's something I want to do. I wasn't trying to get the guy to marry me, but we were talking and it came up. I am not going to lie about my wishes to get a middle aged man who doesn't know what he wants out of life to like me. I'm sorry!

He asked me to read a letter that his ex who he was still hung up on wrote him. He had been asking me that for the longest time. I refused every time. I don't wanna hear it! I just don't. Don't ram in down my throat! That's what she said haha.

He was trying to prove to me how over it was between the two of them. I didn't care. I knew what I knew. Anyway, he practically begged me to read it, so I let him. What was the worst that could happen at that point, right? Was he gonna take me out and then come home and tell me he had no feelings for me? That had already happened. I sat there rolling my eyes while he went to get the letter. He sat on the floor in front of me and read it, then he read me his response which he never mailed to her. When he got to the part where he wrote her he will never find someone like her, he balled his eyes out! Middle aged me, crying like a girl!

I was sitting there thinking, the f#ck am I supposed to do now? I am the one who has just been dumped and he's the one who's crying, what a selfish s! I patted his shoulder, rolling my eyes. I really just wanted us to talk about us instead of him indulging in self pity over a love he lost TEN YEARS AGO! Get the Fck over it! ASAP! You're about to lose an amazing woman just cause you're so stuck in the past. Come on now!

He told me he wanted to see how things would go with us. He was willing to open himself up blah blah blah. He ruined it! He took what was supposed to me a nice, romantic date and fcked it up. He told me of all the relationships he had been in in the past ten years (after the break up), he had never been with someone who came close to the ex as he did with me. So much about me reminded him of her, he feels inspired to be that guy again, basically he was falling in love with me and for that reason, he was kicking me to the curb. How was that fair? How does that make sense to him? Or anybody for that matter. Does it make sense to you?