Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Aftermath

Weeks prior this is the same man who said, 'what? No, I'm not breaking up with you! Do you think I would take you out and then break up with you? That's mean! I would never do that!' Good thing I don't believe anything anybody says until they actually do it or else I would have been crushed that he went ahead and did exactly that which he had vowed he would never do. I rushed in to work and clocked in. I wanted to be on time for my last few days there. That's all I had at that point. My new best friend had just dumped me. We spent all our time together, laughing and joking and just being and he just dumped me. Just like that! As if all that meant nothing to him. Clearly, it didn't!

All I asked is if he were sure that's what he wanted. When he said he was, I said ok, bye, I gotta go. I'm late for work! That was it! I had nothing else to say. I have nothing to say to someone who doesn't want to be with me. What else is there to say? Please, please don't leave me! You love me, I know you do! I can make you happy? N word, please! That's when you start regretting and feeling sorry for yourself, wishing you could take back what you said. I deleted his number so I wouldn't find myself calling him and all communication with him. NEXT!

I remember I was working with the two new girls that night. The one who was going to be a nurse, she was like, hey, how are you doing? I told her, I just got dumped. Her response, 'interesting!' I found that interesting, who says that? These new girls were little b^tches! That was my last night before my two off days and officially my last night at work as the off days fell on the last two days of the month. Thanks Spotty, for picking such a fine time to dump me!

Walking home that morning, I felt it! Having just been dumped and losing my job the same day, surely there is no God! If he were there, why would he put someone like me through all that? What was left for me to do? I was more depressed for having lost my job and the way that it happened than the break up but that just added fuel to the fire. I was mad at God for letting it all happen. That shook my belief in Him. What was I going to do in Salt Lake City? I had just moved into this new, expensive apartment. I sucked it up and took it even though it was expensive because it was close to work. I only lived there for a month and I lost my job! What was the point? There I was stuck with my new, nice place which was around the corner from a job I no longer had. What was I going to do with myself? I had been looking for another job, everybody told me they were hiring, I filled out applications but no body actually hired me!

I arrived home feeling like sh#t, I called my two sisters. They were right there with me, just as sad and depressed for me but they tried to make me feel better. They all told me to pray, I was like, yeah, that's not gonna happen, f&ck god and all that. If he's out there, he can come and find me. I'm going it alone from here on out! Clearly, I was all alone all along. I stopped praying, I stopped believing, I stopped all that. I had work at Ted's that morning. When it was time, I got ready, and headed off to his place. That job was all I had. I didn't have any friends in Utah, Cindy, the reason I was there to begin with had kicked me out of her house, MB my friend from work had accused me of sexual harassment and tried to get me fired, my new friend from school (Sudan), was acting weird) and I just got dumped, I had no social life at all. I was like, finally, I get to watch my tv recordings! #BrightSide! I got more rest, none of that one hour of sleep here, one hour there, running around from my place to Spotty's, spreading myself thin. I had time to take my multivitamins, and to watch what I ate. I bought a scale and started recording my weight weekly.

I called the department of health to enquire about my voucher, they had it! I asked if I could pick it up myself, they agreed. Hope! The following day, my second day off or out of a job, I took the two hour bus to the dept to pick up my voucher. I tell you, I had such mixed emotions when I finally had it in my hands. I rushed home, had to find a testing place. They have about a dozen in the entire state. I called a few and left messages. I found a spot the following week! It was time for me to take out them books and study, HARD! I wasn't going to fail that text for my life depended on it! I studied, and studies and youtubed videos of some of the practical stuff.

It was hard for me to look through my bedroom window for the view from my room was the main road and the on ramp into Spotty's street. I didn't wanna see it, I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't!

I worked three times a week, five hours per day, Ted bout lunch, and breakfast sometimes, everyday. He bought me lunch too. I didn't care about that, I asked him to let me buy myself whatever I wanted for myself with an equivalent of what I would have spent on lunch. He agreed, so everyday, I would buy some groceries, a few yoghurts here, some fruit here, veggies, etc. It felt nice to go home with shopping bags everyday! I didn't have to worry much about groceries in my budget, which was already so limited. I had some money in my savings to cover rent but I didn't want to go there, you never wanna go there. I was still going to get paid mid August for the last two weeks of July, so I was going to be ok in that sphere.

In a flash, the following week arrived, it was time to go take the exam. We had two, one written and a practical one. Everybody was talking about the practical exam, apparently, the examiners don't play! You can only miss so many marks and that's it, they fail you if you lose more marks! I was going to take my exams at two different places, I wanted to take them the same day. I started with the practical. I hardly slept the night before. I was on youtube all night long, looking at videos and stuff. I got ready, took the bus and headed to Salt Lake Community college. I had never been there before, thanks to the GPS, I made it, easy breezy! Plus it was right by the train station.

They took in two people at a time. You take each other's vital signs, i.e. blood pressure, temperature, pulse and all that. The girl I was going to go in with was young, she was ever so prepared, she was ever so chilled. I was still on youtube on my phone, still going through the book. I was asking her questions, she had all the answers off the top of her head. I was envious! Our turn came, the examiner seemed serious, she looked kinda like a librarian. She asked where I was from. I told her,her face lit up. She had been to South Africa in the eighties. In the apartheid (segregation). Inasmuch as I wanted us to talk about it, I was too nervous to even think, let alone speak. I have gotten nervous at auditions and thought that was the most nervous I had ever been, it wasn't! That day! That was the most nervous I had ever been! EVER!

We went through a few questions, that girl and I, we got those, easily. Then it was time for vital signs, she offered to go first again, because she saw how nervous I was. My Blood Pressure had shot through the roof! The examiner thought she did it wrong, she asked me if I suffer from BP, I told her I don't! I may be fat, but I'm good! She took my BP herself, it was UP! They told me to take a minute while that girl took the examiner's for exam purposes, they told me to take deep breaths. I tried, the nerves were killing me! Literally! I had to pass that thing! They came back to me, took my BP again, it was higher than before! They told me I could go home and reschedule. WHAT! Are you bleeping me? I lost my job for this sht, I need my License! ASAP! I told her I wasn't going to go through all that only to go home. What was I going to do at home? The hell with that!

The chilled girl wasn't getting the correct readings, she tried taking the pulse so many times, she just wasn't getting it right, they had to fail her and tell her to reschedule. What do you think that did to my BP? this was the girl who was so prepared! If SHE was gong to fail, who am I? Well, I'm the girl who NAILED IT! After she was let go, we took a minute and talked about South Africa. I think that lowered my BP a bit. She had some interesting stories to tell. They wouldn't let her go to the blacks only toilets (she's White, we're in Utah, remember? Everybody's white). She was so pressed, they just wouldn't let her! They also would let her onto the blacks only bus and she was in such a hurry, haha. Their black friends had to sneak into their house and not be caught by police.

After that, I had to  pick a random card with random things I was going to get tested on. Nailed it! She went, Congratulations! I was like, errrrr?!?!?!?!? She told me, we're done! You passed! Ohhhhh myyy goddd! Don't get it twisted, I still didn't believe in god! It was just an expression! I was so happy, I forgot my floppy hat there, and the sun was killing outside! I didn't care! Good thing, I bought it at the 99cents store. Off to the written exam!