Monday, January 26, 2015

Now You See Me! Now You Don't

As I was busy looking for accommodation, I saw a two bedroom apartment to share on the West Side of Vegas. It somehow looked familiar. I may have talked to the guy while I was still in LA. This time though, I emailed back and forth with a woman. She told me that she and her husband were looking for someone to occupy the second bedroom. As the sixth of seven kids who was raised in a home with extended family, I am just not a big fan of overcrowdedness. I don't know if that's normal for someone who grew up in a big family or it's the other way round? Anyway, growing up, I spent most of my time locked up in a spare room reading #NerdAlert! If it were up to me, I would never have roommates but I will take one roommate as a plan B, no more than one other person in the house though, nah! Plus, once there are too many of you in the house, you start clicking and all kinds of drama I'm not in the mood for. I can't! The lady made sure to tell me that they are hardly ever at home. They both work full time, blah blah blah. I thought, the least I could do was view the place. What I liked was that it was month to month, so I could move there temporarily and then move again the following month. It was an option, not a strong one, but an option nonetheless. I arranged to view the place the following day.

As I was talking to the lady, I was chatting with the green eyed guy, we'll call him Hunter, mhhhhh! We didn't exchange that many emails, him and I. Or we did, what do I know? I was chatting with so many people. That's why I don't give them my phone number because it's harder to keep track of who's who once you chat with them on email and text. If you have all the conversations on email, you know what's going for what. I wasn't that psyched about going to view that place in the heat but I had to do something! The nicer places' people were not getting back to me. I took the bus in the heat using Maps for directions. I think it was somehow upside down, so I went north instead of west from the east. Before I knew it, I was a block away from where I started. Do you know how tempted I was to go back to the hostel, drink some ice cold water and watch Reality tv online? You have no idea! Instead, I put my big girl's panties on, and got back on the bus, right direction this time! The place isn't that far from where I was staying. I got off two stops away, so I had to walk even more than I had to in the desert heat. It was around 100° F (38° C). Whilst making my way to the place, I got a call from this California number. Hello? "Hey, Brook! It's Hunter! How you doing?" Between the heat and excitement, I literally dropped dead and woke up in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. Lol, just kidding. He asked what I was up to. I told him. He was on the strip, gambling at one of the resorts; he plays poker for a living. Fun, right? I wanna play for a living too. I mean, I kinda do already, people ask me all the time, so what do you do, especially after buying the car. Cos they always see me gallivanting all over the place, all hours of day and night, they be like, so what DO you do. Like with emphasis on the first do. I tell them, nothing. It's a shorter version of the longer version. Hunter asked if  I wanted to go for iced coffee after viewing the place. I agreed. Nice motivation to get the viewing over and done with. If I had known  I was going to go on a date.... with destiny, I sure wouldn't have worn such a short top with my leggings. It was the first time in my entire life I ever wore such a short top with leggings, but I was like, I'm new to Vegas, nobody knows me here plust it's too hot to care. The top was nice and thin in material. And then I had to go and meet a cute guy with this ridiculous outfit. I mean, not ridiculous ridiculous, but you know what  I mean! I was sweating like a racehorse, but who wasn't?

I arrived at this chick's place. I called her from the parking lot. She told me she was at the store, they just arrived, could I wait? Bitch, no! I ca n't wait for you at a random parking lot in the scorching heat while you're shopping! If you're not available, I'm leaving! I've got people to do and places to go, or something like that haha. Get it? She told me she was going to ask her fiance to drop her off. If this chick lives with her husband and she is now with her fiance, this may not be the kind of lifestyle I'm trying to get involved with. She told me she would be there in ten minutes. Ten minutes is too long, when you're dehydrating from heat and have taken four buses to get some place, two for the wrong way, two to the right direction. Still, bottom line is the bottom line! Right? :)
Ten minutes later, I get a call from her. Hey, Brook, sorry, my husband just dropped me off but we forgot the keys, he has them in the car with him. His phone is with me, so I can't call and ask him to bring me the keys. Phuck! This will never work! I am just waiting now, because I am here already, otherwise I can assure you now, I don't want to live with these people. Not for only a month, not at all! Plus, the guy is now back at being her husband! Double You Tee Eff!

Not long after, I got another call from the girl telling me to come around to the apartment. He boyfriend/husband/fiance had dropped the key. I was like, oh wow, that was quick! She said, 'I know, he's amazing. That's why I married him!'

The apartment reeked of cigarette smoke! I could smell it from the balcony, so, naturally, the first thing I asked was, 'Do you guys smoke?' She told me that they do but not in the apartment. Never in the apartment! I was like, strike 89. We walked into the apartment, They have two sofas and a giant TV in the living room. and a couple of coffee tables. She took me to the bedroom. There's an enormous hole on the  bedroom door. Strike 90! The bed is on the floor. I see that a lot here in the States. In South Africa, beds either have legs or people put bricks underneath to make up for the legs. No jokes! Here, I see base sets on the floor, it looks too tacky to me! Tackier than the brick situation. She told me that as soon as I pay deposit, they would buy whatever else I need for the room. Mind you, deposit is supposed to be refundable. How are they going to refund me if they are going to go on a shopping spree as soon as I hand it to them? Landlords! That's not what potential tenants want to hear! If you're renting out a furnished room, furnish it before you rent it out, otherwise it's not a furnished room. If you're going to use my money to buy the furniture to furnish the furnished room you're renting out to me, that's not how it works. Don't act dumb, this is pretty simple. You would understand this if the shoe was on the other foot! They have a tv cord on the floor, she told me that when I move in, I could use the tv in the bedroom, or hang out in the living room with her. She continued to tell me that she would actually prefer it if I would hang out with her in the living room. She could use the company, she gets so bored, being at home all the time. I was like oh, so you don't have a job? Remember this chick, told me via email that they both have very demanding jobs and are never at home? No, she's at home all the time! Strike 93! When I asked her about work, she fumbled a bit. She didn't know why I was asking, you know when you want to give someone the answer they want to hear but aren't sure what they want to hear? That was her predicament. Poor Thing, the rent money was so close, she could smell it! PS. The tv she was talking about in the bedroom was going to be purchased with my refundable deposit money.

On our way out of the bedroom, I asked her about the elephant in the room or should I say the hole on the door. She told me that they were moving the bed into the room, she accidentally hit the door with her elbow. Sssuuurrreeee! Cos I'm some dumbo who will believe ridiculous sht like that. Of course, that was her man, he punched the door. I would say either she did or he did, but it was totally him. That girl is so on edge, you can tell she is in an abused relationship. And she's likely on drugs. I was on my way out, when she asked me to have a sit. She wanted me to meet her next door neighbor who is from South Africa. I didn't want to, but what are you gonna do? You don't wanna be that person who doesn't want to meet someone from your country. I sat right next to a coffee table that had cigarette ash on it. I took a picture of it. You know? For fun! I got up to get something from my handbag which was on the other end of the room. When I went back to my seat, the ash was gone. Well, sht! Abracadabra! If I hadn't taken that picture, I would have sworn I imagined that ash. Not that it mattered, I wasn't taking the place anyway.

The neighbor finally came by. She's a older white lady from the Western Cape. I love my South Africans, but when someone tells me they want to introduce me to someone from South Africa, so many questions go through my mind. Black or white? How do they feel about blacks? How do they feel about meeting other South Africans? Mhhh?!?!?!?!? How can I get out of this without meeting this person? Etc! The lady seemed nice, overenthusiastic, even! She told me about her kids who are all successful, they are all really wealthy, blah blah blah. Sht I had no interest in, at all. She gave me a vibe; either her kids are all bums and she's making the whole thing up or she doesn't even have kids. Oh and we spoke Afrikaans for a second. She seemed thrilled to have met someone with whom she can speak Afrikaans.

The prospective landlord also told me that they found all their furniture in the dumpster. Strike... What number are we at now? She offered me a ride to the buses. She told me she loves my vibe, well, what's not to love lol. I was thinking, sadly, the feeling is not mutual! Thanks, anyway! She told me she is done showing the room, she found her tenant. I thought to myself, nobody wants your dodgy room, sweetie, I know you guys have had it advertised for a month now, so please! By the way, her man dropped by. He looked mad as hell, like he was ready to punch a hole into the door. Granted, I don't know the guy, maybe that's his resting face. Shout out to all the mad faced resting face people! I've been told I'm unapproachable myself, so I know how it feels. I got a call from Hunter. He wanted to know which area I was at, so he could meet me somewhere close by. I told him. He went to the Starbucks in the neighborhood. As the girl insisted on dropping me off, I told her to take me there. She gave me about three hugs when we were about to part. She seemed like she was ready to burst out crying. Awww, cute! She missed me already! #GetMeOuttaHere!

She asked me to let her know that night if I was taking the place, I could move in the following day. She told me that she could give me a ride to the hostel, where we could pick up my stuff, and I could move in there and then if I liked. I felt so overwhelmed! She wouldn't give me space to breathe! P.S. The apartment is not walking distance from the Strip as was advertised. It would have taken me 20 minutes by bus stop to the strip. I checked on maps. That's not walking distance!

I got off the car, called Hunter to tell him I was outside. There were so many people at that Starbucks. I wasn't about to start scouring people's faces trying to figure out which one is Hunter. He didn't pick up when I called but popped out and Boom! He was right in front of me. Tink, tink, tink! Suddenly, I was hearing bells ringing softly, ever so gently, stars all around me, handsomeness. I must have died and gone to heaven! Hi! I think he reached out to shake my hand, but I opted to bless him with my well endowed bosom, and gave him a hug haha! He had a cap on. On his online picture, he had a hat on. Does this guy have a bald spot? Who cares, as B.B. King sings, You can leave your hat on! We went back to his table by the window. He had asked me while I was on my way, if I wanted him to order me my iced coffee, so that by the time I got there, it would be ready. I thought, aaaawww, sweet! I don't drink coffee, or anything for that matter, just water. So I told him I'll just have Ice water. It was still hot as hell. Those Starbucks tables for two are really small! I sat on them once in Hollywood during lunch break from the Judge Judy show with an extremely hot friend of mine. I don't know if sitting at a table with a hot person you wanna make out with, makes it that much smaller or those tables are really small!

This man was sitting across from me, he had his elbows on the table and his face rested on his hands, his eyes, which are such a work of art; I mean you can see every line; every different shade of green, hazel and where which color begins and ends, were looking deeply into mine. Into my soul!  In my life, I never felt so bare before, well, maybe when  I first met the guy I was at Starbucks, Hollywood with. That was not our first meeting. When we first met, he looked me like no one ever did before. I still have a soft spot for him, because there's something about how he looks at me. Or about how I feel when he looks at me. Oh, Christ! Anyway! Back to Starbucks, West Side, Las Vegas. Hunter complemented me on my eyes and smile, and great skin. Things, I thought were great about him! I sat there, melting. Slowly. Inside. He asked me a few questions about myself. He automatically took charge of the conversation. Normally, I'm the one who does that. I don't really want to, but someone has to, so I end up asking all the questions and all the other person does is answer and go, 'and you?' Some ass holes don't even ask and you, they enjoy talking about their lames ass selves.

I finished my water, and asked for some more. When we were done, Hunter told me that he was going for a dip in the pool. He invited me over. I was like, 'So you're asking me if I want to get naked in front of you today?' He laughed and said, you're not just beautiful and funny, you're smart too! I thought, Lord, enough with the compliments, I'm dying here. If I had any underwear on that day, if would have landed on the floor. Talk about an automatic panty dropper! This dude was laughing at all my jokes. He had a sense of humor, thank Goodness, finally! He was funny too. I had a couple of good laughs and when I was laughing, he would stare at me like he's never seen someone laugh before. It was magical! I politely declined the pool invite. He told me he was going to cook that night, he knows I said I was staying at a hostel, maybe I would like a home cooked meal. I accepted. I love how guys always cook for me! It's the best!

He took me to the hostel, I told him how nice it was to meet him and gave him a hug. He was like, wait, aren't you coming with me? That's when I realised, oh sht, I'm going to the pool with him, then dinner. By accepting dinner invitation, I automatically got myself trapped into going to the pool with him. Sht! Oh well, whatevz! I told him I needed to freshen up. He waited in the parking lot while I showered and changed into something poolly! I don't know how to swim, so I just put on a skirt, tank top and flip flops.