Sunday, December 09, 2012

Online Dating

A picture I never sent anybody I met online
The few people I knew, suggested a few websites that I could register on and look for a guy. The sites came highly recommended, just about anyone and their grandmother are on these sites. I was like what the heck, let’s do it. Two of them are free sites, well, you can upgrade to paying membership but it’s not really necessary. I posted a few pictures of myself and was ready to go.
I got a few winks here and there, a few messages, everyone wants the cell number, they don’t want to call though, NO NO NO! They just want to text. At this age of smart phones where everyone has their emails pushed though to their phones, you’d think people would be ok with your email addresses especially if they don’t intend to call you. Nope, not these suitors! Back and forth texting until the fingers can’t take it anymore, and trust me I’m a texter, if my fingers got tired from it, you know it was a heck of a lot! Of course, I didn’t give everybody my number, also I have a block feature on my phone, so I felt it safe to give some strangers my number. I could just block them whenever necessary. It’s the same thing over and over, hi how are you? Actually, no! No hi! Just: what are you up to? Or Do you wanna hang out sometime? Meaning would you like to have sex with me sometime? That’s all they wanted, “hanging out”. Alas, that’s not what I was after. I was new in a foreign land, I was not trying to be the town slore (slut+whore), I really just wanted friends, more than anything.
Just abnout everybody who asked for my number, made it a opint to send me a oicture of their erect genitals. And the length and girth thereof. Yup! They have all that information handy! Block! Block! And block! I lost faith, I didn’t know how the other girls did it, why they would recommend a site lilke this to me. I almost felt like a prude! I went back to them and tokd them of my experience on the site, they told me to be patient, however if i liked someone, to go ahead and hang out with them, it’s ok, that’s how they do things here in America. It’s normal. Also, to pay either half the bill at the restaurant (go Dutch) or to pay period. Because that’s how the brothers roll. I told them well, I am not looking for a brother, I asked if the rules also applied to non-brothers? “hehehe! uBrook unjani na? Ewe! EAmerica Brook, umntu uyazibhatalela erestyu! Akho loo nto yokhutshwa apha, bufunuphuma funekuyazba uzawbhatala!” (trans: In America, you pay for your own restaurant bill, if you want to go out, you need to know that you are going to pay! ). That didn’t sit well with me.
Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no gold-digger! Also, I’m cheap, but not that cheap. I don’t expect people to feed me, even as a fresh off the boat South African, I could afford a plate of food. The issue was the lack of chivalry that that statement implied. I refused to accept that that’s what my dating life was going to be like.
As time went by, I realised that, as a matter of fact, nobody even asks you out on dates, they just want to hang out. After a few weeks on that site, I made a conclusion; the site was not for me. There must be other sites out there for regular, old fashioned girls like me.
Ice Creaming at T's
I kept my profile up, but didn’t log on as much.
Until I got an email from, let’s call him Matt. He seemed nice and genuine, tall with blue eyes, independent, what else could a girl ask for right? Especially from a site like that! I emailed back, he asked for my number, he was new to the site, and was working long hours, he wasn’t going to be able to email back and forth. He wanted to call. HE WANTED TO CALL ME! Someone from that site, actually wanted to give me a call! Score! I gave him my number and jokingly asked him not to abuse it, He called me that very afternoon. I remember, I was at the library when the call came through. I assumed it was a recruiter as i was job hunting, left, right and centre. I quickly stepped out and took the call. It was him! Matt! He had a nice, soft voice, he was so polite, He worked at a school as a Janitor (caretaker). I was excited about meeting him and just getting to know him. I had to add more people to the list or lack thereof of people I knew in the US.
Turned out, that was not his phone, he was using a friend’s phone, he didn’t have a cellphone, he couldn’t afford it, he lived with 3room-mates, had a 5 year old son he loved very much (good for him and him {Matt and the son}). A red flag went up when he told me he couldn’t afford a cellphone. He had a job and room mates and couldn’t afford a cellphone! Interesting. He was on a mountain top somewhere with his friends hiking when he called. Hiking was one of his hobbies. He wanted us to meet up soon. He told me he couldn’t believe that there was someone as beautiful and real as I am on that website. We set a date.
The next few days, we chatted via email, I asked him to send me a full length picture of himself as he only had a half length picture on the site. Just one and I had so many. Only fair, right? He wouldn’t budge! I didn’t hear from him the night before our proposed date. I knew there and then that it wasn’t going to happen. Red flag!  The last message I had sent him was confirming the time of the date.
I got an email from him telling me that he had to take his mother shopping, it was his only day off in a very long time, he needed to spend some time with his mother, when they were done, he would then pick me up for our date if I still wanted to meet up. We had set a date with this guy, and on the said date, he is going to tell me,  IF YOU STILL WANNA MEET UP! What’s wrong with this picture? I messaged back, “you have my number, keep me posted!” No word from him ever since!  A few weeks later, I went on his profile. He had updated his pictures. He looked nothing like the picture I had seen. The one I saw was easily taken ten years prior! That kind of answered some of the questions I had about why he suddenly had cold feet. He wasn’t who he said he was!
There’s another gentleman I met on the same site, Al. He would send a text, I would return it, then I wouldn’t hear from him for a good 2-3days before he would text me, something along the lines of “it’s a beautiful day out, what are you up to?” Uhm hello! What about the text I sent you 3days ago? I wouldn’t confront him though, it was nothing, I wasn’t interested in him. It was nice to have someone to talk to every now and again, Whenever it suited him. 2 moths passed without a word from Al, out of the blue, while in New Jersey, I got a call from him
Al:  “Heeeyyyyyy! How is my friend doing today? How’s Connecticut?”
Me:  uhm, I left Connecticut 2 months ago!
Al: Really, where are you based?
Me: NJ
Al: Oh did you find a job there?
Me: Yeah
Al: How do you like The States now that you’ve been here for a good few months?
(I was almost impressed he remembered a few things about me)
Me: It’s – ( I rolled my eyes and hung up)
I didn’t see any point in faking interest. This guy was clearly an utter waste of time, I wasn’t interested in him and didn’t have anything to say to him, so I did what any self respecting human being would do and hung up on him. He didn’t even bother to call back. I didn’t care.
A month later, i got a email  from him on the site:
Al: Long time! So are you still looking for someone?
Me: Sorry, please stop contacting me. I’m not interested
Al: Why not?
Me: You’re not my type.
I subsequently blocked him on the site
2weeks later, a text from him:
Al: Heeyyyyyyy!
Me: Hi who’s this?
( I knew who it was)
Al: Your friend Al, remember me from the website?
Me: Not really, refresh my memory
Al: I’m from Connecticut
( I didn’t even know he was Connecticut, the entire time, I assumed he was from New York)
Me: Hey what’s up?
Al: Nothing much, how’s New Jersey?1
I blocked his number. Thank Goodness from the block feature, no more Al. Whew!


  1. wow, so much of that sounds SO FAMILIAR! guys really are a bunch of jerks a lot of the time. I will tell ya i met my husband online, but not thru a site or anything like that, i'm not sure they even had them in 2000, what site were you at? i always hear about that site? hang in there! :)

  2. I think it's easy for people to be jerks while hiding behind their computer skills. Some of the jerks we meet online are the very kind gentlemen we pass by daily in real life.
    I was on POF.
    I tried a few others too, I will update the blog soon