Sunday, March 11, 2012

SA Road Trip

January 2012
I had to book the first bus out to Johannesburg but wasn't in the mood. You know that feeling when for some reason you don't want to do something? That's how I felt! I told my mom about the whole job thing (until then she knew nothing). We both got super excited.

Mom was going to town that afternoon, I decided to catch a lift with her and go book a bus. We drove behind the date guy. I pretended not to see them. He may have done the same too. We parked near each other and they didn't get out of the car. Good thing I always have sunglasses on because I wasn't about to make eye contact and be forced in a really awkward situation. When we went back to the car, they were still in his car at the parking lot. Oh well.

Time for my booking: There I was queuing at Shoprite and I saw this guy from church. People from church can be weird. Sometimes they don't even greet back or smile back. So I decided to ignore him and pretend to be really busy on my phone. When it was finally my turn, they told me the system was off-line. I knew that's why I didn't feel like making the booking that day.

On our way out of the mall, guy from church came after us, AWKWARD! He talked to us for a little bit. It turned out he was one of the nice ones and my mom loves him. I felt so bad. I was like 'wait, I recognise this shirt! Weren't you behind me in line?'. He said yeah, but I thought you didn't recognise me. I was like, 'sorry man!'. Crap!

We walked back to the car and headed home. The next morning, I headed for town, made my booking and ran a few errands before leaving for Johannesburg. Back home to pack. I tell you, if I got a dollar for every time I packed that suitcase, I'd be stinking rich by now! Time was running out because I was determined to fit ALL MY STUFF in one suitcase. It worked. I had to sit on the suitcase to zip it closed. Mom took me to the bus SA ROADLINK. WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING? In my defence I did some research and read that the company had improved and bought new buses.

January was HOT! Just before we got on the bus, the hostess warned us that the air conditioning wasn't working. Awesome! We drove for a few hours without any glitches. We stopped to fill up, they gave us a 20 minute break or something. I talked to a lady that was smoking up a storm. Apparently she has some type of a cancer, her son-in-law is dying somewhere in Pretoria, her husband left her and doesn't pay alimony sad sad life!

We must have driven less than an hour when all of a sudden the buss was jerking off (this sounds wrong). We stopped by the side of the road. The driver said it must be the radiator, all he needed to do was pour some water into the radiator and we'd be good to go. Nobody believed him because we just left a filling station, they checked all of that there.

It was around 9 o 'clock when we broke down. We left Uitenhage at 6. An hour later, the driver told us that there was a bus that was coming from Johannesburg headed for Port Elizabeth. That guy had tools with him, we had to wait for him to see if they could fix the bus. That bus would come by at 4am. I went back inside and tried to sleep.

There was a coloured couple behind me that was flirting and pinching each other, tickling each other and Lord know what else. The girl kept saying uh uh man! Uh uh! Good God! The girl was in an SA Roadling uniform. I asked the hostess to ask them to turn the volume down a notch. She said she couldn't. They weren't on duty and therefore had to be treated as regular passengers. AMAZING!

We were on the side of the freeway, there were no lights on the side of the road. One of the passengers went, 'oh nooooo, the bus lights aren't working! We're in trouble now! It's very late and the truck drivers are asleep around this time! They will fall asleep on the wheel and drive straight into our bus and and and. I was like oh my Lord! That's the last thing we need! To be involved in an accident with a bus that's broken down on the side of the road.

Some of the passengers hitch hiked. I slept. My bag was too heavy and we all know what happened last time I hitch hiked in Georgia, hint 'fucky! Fucky!' Around 4:30, the aforementioned bus came by. They couldn't fix our bus. Passengers were getting really annoyed. There was this short Nigerian guy. He kept threatening to beat people up. He wanted to beat his girlfriend up because she was the reason he missed his flight. Apparently he is here on training to be a pilot. He wanted to beat the driver up because he was rude. And he wanted us all to take our luggage off the bus and burn it up. He said if we did that we'd definitely get attention. Then he called South Africans weak because we wouldn't do that, 'you see that's why I love Nigerians'. He talked about Nigerians as if they were the other race. All to find out he himself was Nigerian.

I talked to the driver, trying really hard to remain calm. He told me he was waiting for a bus around 10am. Great! 6 more hours. I went back to sleep. It was kind of hard because normally I'd be up at that hour. I listened to the Zimbabwean dude that thought we were going to get knocked off by a truck. He had more and more negative scenarios. I just kept nodding. He got hungry, I gave him some of my chocolate. I had lots! It's all I had but it was enough. Good thing I can't eat when I travel.

Around 9am, a random dude stopped and talked to our driver. The Zim guy came back and told me that we were going to get a lift to Colesberg where we'd be picked up by an SA Roadlink bus. Last time I took SA Roadling, they picked us up in a Mercedes Vito and dropped us off in Colesberg were we waited 5 hours for a bus. I had bad memories of Colesberg but anything was better than where we were. I didn't believe that that guy was going to come back for us though. Why would he?

He did! A few minutes later, 2 mini buses picked us up. People flew out of the bus with their little hand luggages. I had a 30kg Suitcase waiting for me in the baggage compartment. Darn it! I tried to remain calm and positive. I got on one of the mini buses. We all did, except for the driver. He had to look after the broken down bus until Lord knows when. I felt sorry for him.

As luck would have it, I sat right in front of the cancer lady. She told me more miserable stories about how her son-in-law contracted this weird, fatal disease, how the husband ran away with a 19 year old and and and. Almost 3 hours later, we were in Colesberg. There was an SA roadlink bus idling at the filling station. I tell you, I whisked my heavy suitcase like it was nothing and I was on that bus!

I sat behind a really nice looking, blue eyed guy. He was nice too because we exchanged bus breaking down stories. He was from Cape Town. Their was broke down and they had to wait 5 hours for the next. We were stuck for 12 hours. TWELVE HOURS!
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Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Date

January 2012

My brother, bless his soul, wanted me to get a job closer to home so I can stay at home with mom now that she's alone. And he didn't want me going to another God-forbidden country and be spat on and kicked. He came over one afternoon with police friends. He brought me application forms. There were 3 police friends in the car and 3 ladies at home, myself, my niece and Someone (remember her?). I was already in my Night dress when they came over, my brother was like, you can't go out looking like that! These are police officers! Whatever that meant, I wasn't trying to impress and cops as far as I was concerned.

I changed and went outside to meet the cops. They were all from the old Transkei. Apparently the driver was being hooked up with me. He had long pinkie nails, a HUGE NO NO in my books. I think he was convinced he had it (me) in the bag. He let me take his car for a spin to prove that I can drive. He promised to take me to the offices to submit the application forms blah blah blah!

We spent ours talking hours, I was cooking and dying to leave. They were drinking and having a good time. I was bored to death. We exchanged numbers and they finally left. He called me later to tell me how nice it was to meet me and that he couldn't wait to see me again. We agreed on meeting the next day, Sunday. Sure, why not! He was supposed to call in the morning and we'd meet around 10 AM. He didn't.

He called around 4pm, we were out. I told him I'd let him know when I was back home. He didn't live far from us. I texted him when I got back, he said he was on his way, he'd be there in 5minutes. 5 minutes became forever. He finally showed up. He parked up the road from my mom's place. I walked up. There he was with the biggest smile ever! Cute!

He whooped out a small box of Debonair's Pizza. It was hot. It smelled! He had some while flirting with me. Not cute!
Me: So....
Him: Yeah babe
Me: Where are you taking me?
Him: Oh you want to go somewhere?
Me: I was just asking if you had any plans for us for tonight.
Him: To be honest with you, I don't want to go to some rowdy club, I want to be somewhere quiet with you. I want us to get to know each other.
Me: We can go to a restaurant. First, can we please go to the shop, I need airtime?
Him: Sure babe, there's one right down the road.

When we got to the shop he asked if he could buy the airtime for me. For a split second I was sort of kind of impressed. Until I realised he meant I should give him the money, he'd go to the store for me. I refused. We went to the store together. I got my airtime and we headed back to the car. We were parked right across a filling station and Spur (restaurant). Back in the car, out of the blue, he blurted out 'let's go to PE (Port Elizabeth). I said sure, let's do it! We went to the garage (gas station) to fill up. He got R50 ($7) petrol (gas) which I know for a fact is not enough to go to PE and back. He came back in the car and asked me if I really wanted to go to PE. I was like 'it's your idea!'. He told me how I looked tired and he didn't want me falling asleep on him, and suggested we do PE some other time.

He suggested going to Spur. Sure! I was game! I just wanted it to be over asap! While driving to Spur he tried to confess, 'you know what babe! Let me tell you something about myself'. I begged him not to, 'please don't! Whatever it is you want to tell me, tell me the opposite and I'll switch it up for myself'. He looked like he wanted to tell me he was broke and I wasn't ready to hear that. He opted not to tell me. Thank goodness!

When we got to the parking, he said 'oh no, there's no parking babe, what are we going to do?'. I said there's parking right in front of you! As we got off the car, he said, 'just drinks ne? (Ok?), nothing else! Just drinks! 'Ok!'.

We got in, found a nice table. Waitress brought us a menu. I ordered a milkshake.
Waitress: anything for you Sir?
He: Eish, uhm, I'm almost scared to ask but... How much is a beer?
You know what? Never mind. I know you guys! You guys are expensive. It's definitely double what I pay for a beer in the township. Never mind!
..Ok, how much is it? How much's a beer?
She: I'm not sure, sir, let me find out for you!
He: you see, you don't even know how much it is! That means it's expensive.
She: I'll be right back
He: these people are so expensive, I bet you a beer is R15 ($2) or something! Ugh!
She: it's R14.95 sir!
He: I KNEW IT!
Me (trying not to pass out of humiliation).
He: you know what? I'll have water. Just go to the tap, open it up and get me water. Yeah! Water from the tap!
Me: I'll have some too, please!

He drank water from the tap, I had the most grossest, most sweetest milkshake of my life: caramel milkshake from Spur! This coming from someone who has a sweet tooth. Our conversation went something like
He: I like you, you know?
Me: thanks
He: you're different.
Me: how?
He: you're so different.
Me: oh yeah?
He: you and I have nothing in common.
Me: is that a good thing?
He: yeah, I like your confidence, I think I can learn a lot from you.
(If I got a dime everytime a guy wanted to be in a relationship with me so he can 'learn' from me, I'd be a gazillionaire by now).
Half my milkshake later, I suggested we call it a night.
This was just after they played Silver Pozzoli's Around my Dream. A blast from the past. That's the only good thing that came out of that night.

He asked if I wasn't going to finish my milkshake. I could tell he thought I was wasting money by not finishing gross tasting milk shake. He paid and took me home. He wouldn't let me get off the car without a kiss from him. Heeeeeeyyyyyllllll Naw! Not gonna happen! NO! I tried to be polite about it and told him good things come to those who wait. I got off the car, he chased me all over the street trying to get a kiss Gosh! Why do guys do that? I gave him a hug. He whispered in my ear 'imhandi! Mhhhh! Ndiva kamhandi! (It's nice! Mh I feel good!) Grosss! Who says that?

I ran off to my mom's. I retold the story to the niece and we both were so shocked that people still act like that nowadays. Ugh! He was supposed to take me tot he offices the next day, no word from him. I knew he couldn't because he was broke. He called me the next day to find out why I didn't call him. I wanted to die!

He wanted to come see me, he had a few minutes before work. I told him I don't do cars, he should call me way in advance, arrange to go on a proper date and take me somewhere. Never happened. Instead, he kept buzzing my number, if I didn't call back, he'd hide his number and buzz again. So annoying.
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Sunday, February 26, 2012

Plan A, Plan B, Plan C

Beginning of January, people went back to their respective places, Cape Town, Johannesburg etc.
Only a few of us, Someone included, stayed behind.

I was busy hunting for jobs overseas, and it hasn't been smooth sailing. I'd hoped to get a job by February at least. Plan B would've to go to Cape Town, do a 6month course while working part time and also do my BTech with Unisa. Plan C which would've been to go back to Johannesburg, do the BTech and act.

I was scheduled for an interview with the institution I was going to do the 6month course with. It was 2weeks away and in Cape Town. My sis Pru heard of a vacancy in Johannesburg and thought to let me know about it. Johannesburg was only my last option but I'd to consider it, it's not like I had a job waiting for me anywhere else (except for Georgia). This was Saturday, I was to call the person's office the next Monday. I tell you, I prayed a never ending prayer all of Saturday and Sunday. Pru told me to be the first call they got that morning. Deal!

By then, it was just my mom and I at home. Everybody else had left. She was out working everyday, and I was at home, cleaning and cooking and job hunting AND WATCHING GREY'S ANATOMY. I didn't tell her about the job lead. There wasn't much to be said about it yet anyway.

Monday morning, 8am, I dialed the number. They told me the PA would be in at 9. I tried again after 9 and got hold of her. I told her who I was, she told me she'd been expecting my call and was to sms me her email address so I could send her my CV (resume)
You know how you have different CV's for different jobs? I've recently been using my teaching CV. I looked at it and saw how it had nothing to do with the post I was applying for. I thought to tweak it up a bit but Pru said, no, don't do that! You're honest, be honest! Great! I had to use the cover letter to sell myself. That must've been the longest cover letter in the history of mankind! SENT! I got a confirmation and PA said she'd get back to me in due course. If only I knew when that was!

I could them 2 times for an update after a few days of waiting. The second time, I got good news. They had a better position for me and would like to interview me for it as soon as I could get to Johannesburg!



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2011, The last days.

... Pru, bro-in-law, niece and I went grocery shopping. I called my brother from there and told him not to be surprised I was using my South
African number, I was roaming. I couldn't get hold of mom. I wanted to know when he'd be home so I could call and talk to mom. He called me back, I darn it!
Me: 'Hiiii, ssup?'
He: Baba, uphi wena ngoku? (Where are you right now?)
Me: I'm in France. Listen, I'm roaming, I don't know how much this call is going to cost me, so I'll talk to you later when you're at mom's? Click.
(I was thinking gosh, I hope he's not here at Pick n Pay as well, that would be so weird!)

I didn't hear from him that evening, of course, I knew he wasn't at mom's because I was at mom's.
He came over the day of the function. That was 2days after I arrived in Uitenhage. I was too excited to hide. A, my sis from Johannesburg, said uh uh, finish what you started! Go hide! Ugghhhh! Instead of hiding, I went and answered the door. He was surprised to see me of course. That was the end of the surprise spree. He brought over 3 of his sons and the wife to be.

The function went very well. It's times like that when you see that you've grown up. We had to do most of the 'work' ourselves. It's a very interesting ceremony, now that I got to part take in it. My brother played the role of the 'man of the house' as he was the only brother present. We drank umqombothi (African Beer). They gave some to my 3 year old nephew and he LOVED IT! They gave him more and more, he drank it and got so hyper. He's naturally a hyper kid, so you can imagine.

It was an intimate ceremony, so we had a few guests which we dropped off at the taxi rank afterwards. The next day was Christmas. Fortunately, everybody at home was grown up, we didn't need to do Christmas Stocking. Hallelujah! We'd made so much food for the function that we didn't have to cook on Christmas day. My niece wasn't too pleased about that!

The next day was more Christmassy than Christmas day itself. Pru, the chef cooked, the niece and I helped out as usual. We ate and were merry!

New Years wasn't that eventful. Which can be a good thing! We all were at home. We stayed up and talked about traveling and boys. Most of our conversations end up being about relationships. That night's wasn't any different. We ended up with my bro-in-law having a task to hook me up with his long lost cousin who's a Nazi. Yay, White Supremacy! NOT!

By midnight, A and Someone were fast asleep. We popped champagne and toasted to the new year. We called my oldest brother, who was in Cape Town and the nephew, who at the time was a Band Manager in Johannesburg. His band was performing that night.

It was as good as it gets: New year's with my favourite people! What more could one ask for?

We missed my late uncle very much, first Christmas without him. R. I. P. Tanci A. Z. Brook.
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Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Umqombothi (African Beer)

21st December.

We had a ceremony to prepare for. It was going to be on Christmas Eve. We had to mad Umqombothi (African Beer). None of us had ever made it before. I ended up being the one to do the honours. Apparently, somebody that I'm going to refer to as Someone was on her way and she'd made the beer a few times before. She was going to coach me. We had to wait for her. We had the ingredients and the direction on them but we waited for Someone. Someone arrived, 2kids on tow, and worked me through the Mqombothi making process. By worked me, I mean, she read the directions from the ingredients. THAT'S what we'd been. waiting for the whole time! Breathe Brook! Breathe!

I did part one of mixing the ingredients, covered it up and wrapped it up in really thick and warm cloths and hoped it came out right. It took 3days for it to finish, and we only had 3days. It had to come out!

Oh BTW Someone 'also didn't know' I was coming. Mom called for my other sister to open, I decided to go to surprise her. When I got at the door, she went, 'I heard mama calling out Pru, Pru! Pru! Pru! I was expecting her to come and open. Even as you were approaching the door, I heard the foot steps and thought it was Pru! Seriously! I thought it would be Pru'. I stood there wondering: is she surprised?

Day 2:
I'd to make the fire outside and cook some of the ingredients. I let them cool down and mixed them up with the stuff I'd made the night before and covered them up once more.
My nephew kept calling my mom, we'd to keep reminding her that I'm not here. Ugh, there's no end to this. He kept telling mom that he was coming the next day, until today!
My other sister from Johannesburg, let's call her A (as in exhibit A, just kidding) called Someone. They talk often. Someone went out of the room, I'd already seen A's name on the phone screen and we signalled for Someone not to tell that I'm home.
Before we knew it, we overheard her going, 'yeah! Yeah, we're making Umqombothi. In fact, Babalwa is! No! Not Pru, Babalwa! Yeah, she's here, she's home'. I WAS SOOOOOOO PISSED OFF! How dare you come all the way here and ruin my surprise like that? What the heck's wrong with you! As soon as she walked back into the kitchen, there was silence. Awkwardness! I asked her, 'Someone! Did you just tell A that I'm here'. Yup! She didn't even seem to care. It felt like that day when you find out that Santa Clause isn't real? Yeah, kinda like that! And the person that burst the bible was oblivious to the fact. I asked her, 'you know that we're keeping this as a surprise, right?' No, I didn't know! Just like that, flat tone. Not an inch of a bother in her voice. She didn't care. That explained why she was acting so weird she she saw me open the door for her. She didn't care if I was here or not, or whatever, she just couldn't be bothered.

I got a message from my niece who I was chatting with the entire time when this happened. First, I got one from A. It read, 'The secret's out. You know Someone, she doesn't keep secrets. Welcome to South Africa! See you 2morrow'. I responded 'uhm, WHAT?' I had to try maintain the facade. My niece massaged me, 'A says you're here!'. I replied, 'oh is that what she was talking about? I just got this message from her -' I sent her a copy of the message from A. I must have went on and on and on about how people should be considerate and not be b!tches about other people's feelings and secrets. No matter how minute they might seem to them. What annoyed me more about the whole thing was the fact that, she didn't see anything wrong with what she did, she just walked away, into the lounge and watched Generations. Generations! That's what you're going to watch when you piss someone who just came back from the most weirdest experience of her life and you just ruined her surprise! Go on! Watch Generations!

Whew! Of course, I'd to share a bed with Someone that night, there I was sleeping with one eye open. I didn't know if she was going to get up in the middle and literally skin me alive.

Day 3:
Someone told mom that Mqombothi was ready! She seemed excited! Mom asked if she opened it up and checked. She told he she could just smell it. She's the only one that was smelling it. It was far from ready, as usual, I don't know what she was talking about! A and my niece arrived that morning. They called asking to be picked up. Mom wasn't home, and I'm the only other person that drives her cars, and I couldn't because I wasn't here, remember!

We didn't know whether my brother was going to pick them up or they'd take a cab. I was with Someone in the house when I heard Pru talk to someone outside in Xhosa. I was like Oh My gosh, they're here, let me hide. 'I don't think it's them.' Uhm, then who is Pru talking to? 'I really don't think it's them'. Uhm, whatever, I'm gonna hide anyway. So there I was running like a headless chicken, trying to find somewhere to hide where they wouldn't walk straight into me. I went into my late uncle's room and stood behind the door, behind the book shelf. I didn't think they'd want anything back there. I put my phone on silent and tried not to burst out laughing.

The floors are wooden, so I couldn't even move! When I heard they were close by, I messaged my niece and asked if they arrived safely, she told me they were close. they walked in through the back door and camped up in the kitchen. I was dying to get out and hug them. I missed them so much. That's my family from Joburg, we went though so much together. I couldn't wait to be reunited with them. A asked if I was home. Pru lied and said I wasn't. They didn't dwell on the subject. Pru just talked her Someone was mistaken when she told her I was here, SHE (Pru) is the one that made the mqombothi.

I sent Pru a message telling her to say hi to everybody when they got home. I told her I heard, they weren't that far. Pru, being the actor that she is, (by the way, did you see her on the Short story Baby Johnson last year? I believe it was on MNet?) she told everybody, 'Babalwa's good! It's as if she knows you guys just walked in, she said to say hi.' I was still hiding. Trying not to laugh.
About ten minutes or so later, yeah that long! I came out. My niece was so surprised! A, not so much cos Someone ruined the surprised and planted a seed of doubt. Plus, A is the one from whom I'd got a missed call. Apparently she was trying to call someone else, and accidentally dialled my number, that gave her the impression I was here.

Yay! Finally reunited with the family. Wait, that's not everybody...

Monday, January 30, 2012

Road Trip!

28th December
My older brother came over to lunch with us. He didn't know I was back. He was more in the dark, because we don't talk often. I was in the shower when he arrived. He sat in the lounge, no one said a thing to him, I came out, walked right past him to my sister's room pretending to be a ghost. Hahahaaa! That was fun! He was soooo shocked!

One of the days, sis and I went to the mall to pay the bills before heading to my mom's for Christmas. I was that fool that walks around with a huge smile on her face. It was so nice to be around familiarity. KFC! Oh my goodness, KFC! We went to the banks, I smiled at everybody, we bought KFC and on our way back, my sis let me drive her car. Yippee! It's an automatic and the last automatic I drove had 3 pedals, so yeah. Go figure! Last time I drove a car was in Akhaltsikhe. It was left handed and I drove on the right side of the road. It's not that different though, once you get on the road, it's not scary or anything. It helps that the pedals are in the same place for both drives.

We also went to Unisa, the other side of town. This was a different day, we took the train. I was still relaxed, walking around with my phone in my hand and my hand bag closed. My sis had to remind me where I was and that I'd better hide my phone and zip my bag. There was a guy sitting across from us in the train. His pants were torn right above the thigh and he was sitting nonchalantly with his legs wide open. Oookkkaaayyyy then strange flashing dude!

We got off the train and asked for directions from a coloured lady who walked us halfway there and on the way, she asked a random black, probably homeless guy for directions IN ENGLISH and he responded IN ENGLISH! Yup! All those tiny little things we take for granted! South Africa IS and English speaking country and I'm very proud of that.

21st December
5 days since I got back to South africa and I was still as tired as a dog. The very very hot weather didn't help much either. We packed and left for Uitenhage mid morning. Brother-in-law drove. You know me and my motion sickness situation. I wanted to check the scenery, but half the time I had to either look straight ahead or close my eyes. When we passed The Wilderness, a small town in the garden route, I thought of a friend of mine, I say friend but he really is an artist/actor/Mr Everything guy I met while doing the second day of my first commercial. He wanted us to do something together and we confirmed so many jobs that we'd do but we just didn't end up doing any of them. He meant well, and I love him for that. I remember when we asked where he was from because he has a bit of a British accent. He told us, 'The Wilderness.' I was like, really? He went, 'you know where that is? Nobody know where the Wilderness is'. Uhm, yeah, I do! It's in the garden route. I did think of him, and I remembered he'd posted that he was at home in the Wilderness. I said hi to him in my head.

8hours later, we arrived in Uitenhage. We have a pice of land on the way out of Uitenhage towards Port Elizabeth, it's where we grew up, the thieves stole all the buildings, from the buildings, to the tanks, to everything. All that's left behind is land. It's always so weird to drive past there. And the fact that it's not that far from the cemetery where we buried my brother doesn't help much with the emotions either. R. I. P. Big!


We got out to offload the car, mom came out and was like, 'hayiiiiinnnniiii, uBaaaabbaaallllwwwaaa!' (OMG, Babalwa!). She sure was shocked to see me here. She thought I'd be in France by then, well, here I am! Hi mom!

So strange to be at home without my uncle. You know how it is when you go back home for the holidays, you're so used to seeing everybody. And then boom! Someone passes away! Next time you go home, there's someone missing, their room is empty, their furniture is lying on its sides and your mom's wearing dark coloured clothes? Kinda reminded me of way back when, when they took me home during school term from boarding school, didn't tell me what was happening, my uncle had shaved his head, we took a huge wreath with us all the way to Uitenhage. When I got home my mom was dressed in black. I asked everyone what was going on, they told me everything was fine. I was eleven. My dad had passed away. I figured it out when I asked my now late younger brother where everyone was starting from the then oldest member of the family. The only person that was not fine was my dad, my brother told me he was in hospital. I knew he was the one that had passed away.

Guess

17th Dec
First morning back in South Africa! Whoot! Whoot! I woke up not knowing who and where the heck I was! You know when you look at the ceiling and don't recognise it and look at the wall and see your sister's artistic pictures in which she herself doesn't even look like herself? Yeah, that's what happened.

The day was pretty laid back, we ate and watched some tv, I couldn't and still can't follow anything on tv as a result, I haven't really REALLY watched tv since I got back. I'm still stuck in Georgia mode. We did watch a recorded episode of Carte Blanch where an ANC dude stole hundreds of millions of rand from the Richard's Bay municipality budget . Really sad! The town looked so sad and ready for some word, dude took all the money for himself. What a greedy fool! Selfish! He couldn't take some of that and do something to the town? How do those people sleep at night?

My phone was sitting there, like a toy because nobody could know I was back. Not yet. The secret was eating me up. But the expressions on their faces when I finally saw them, was worth it. Bro-in-law wasn't buying it at all. He was like, you should tell people! If you are going to someone's house, you tell them you're on your way, you don't just show up on people like that. I got a missed call from my sis in Joburg. I didn't know what to make of it! I knew I wasn't calling her back. But what are the chances she'd call my South African number, so randomly? Mh, suspicious.

I got a really cute Guess bag. And more stuff from my recovering sopaholic sister! Later on, my sis and I went out. My German friend in France (I say that because I'd call her French friend, but she's not French) who was going to host me had I got the schengen visa had promised that we'd eat snails. I'd mentioned to her I'd never eaten them before. I was slightly grossed out by them. I was like ok, you know what? Let me eat them and then tell me later, like the next day or something that those were snails. I may have mentioned this to my sis, who's friends with this lady as well. It's actually her friend, but oh well, she's mine too now.
We went out for drinks, by the beach front. It was a beautiful night, and I love the water, it's really strange that I still can't swim. Show for another day! My sis was like they have nice snails here, wanna try them. WHAT? RIGHT NOW? CRAP! UHM, SURE! LET'S DO IT!
That's the night I ate snails! They look just like snails. No one could've fooled me into thinking they're something else cos 'they taste just like chicken!'. No they don't! And they don't look like it. After swallowed the first one, I was like, give me a minute! I wasn't sure if that thing was gonna start snailing it's way up my insides. Who knows how many lives snails have?
I finished them! Yesss! They weren't half bad. I'd like to have them once more to decide whether I like them. I did enjoy the garlic sauce though. We chilled and may have taken one or 2 pictures.

We got back home, I watched an episode or two of The Office --> bed.

The next day, I got a call from my friend from Pretoria. I don't know how she knew, she just dialled my number and it went through. I had talked to her and told her I was having endless problems going to France and might come back home. I guess that's how she knew. A few more days, and we'd go to my mom's in Uitenhage where everyone would know I'm back and we'd all leave happily every after. Or could we?

It's Good To be Home!

16th December
We landed in Cape town as scheduled. I guess it's true what they say about Cape Town (and Durban flights) always being on time. It was scorching hot! The passengers applauded. That was a first for me. There I was, coming from the coldest winter I've ever experienced to, if not, the hottest summer in South Africa! This global warming thing's real, ain't it? I had half my wardrobe on, not only because it was cold in Georgia, but like I mentioned in previous posts, because I'd exceeded the luggage limit and I was being cheap.

I put on all my jackets, grabbed all my small bags and tried to get off the plane without annoying anyone very much. The hot Italian waved good bye and disappeared in the crowd.
I was so excited to be back in the motherland in the mother city! The rest of the family still didn't know I was back. Just my sis and her hubby. I was still in touch with everyone, but I stayed clear of location details. I was so excited, I wanted to call everyone and scream I'm HOME!

Of course, I had to look for my phone, which for the life of me was nowhere to be found. I had the blackberry, but I didn't have the sim card. It was in the work phone. I knew where everything was before I got to the airport and had to unpack and repack 2 times grrrr! 'Don't be mad! Don't be mad! You're home now, happy thoughts'. I found a public phone and as I was about to dial my sister, I saw my brother-in-law. Yaaaayyyyy! He was the last person I saw before I left and the 1st I saw when I came back. Talk about full circle. 'You are so stupid! Come here you stupid!'. We found my sis, she looked so cute! She's the one that I've talked to every single day of my time in GE. She knew everything, she went through all the motions with me and she reads my blog.

She burst out crying. 'I know! I know! It's like I just came back from prison, right?' YES! 'I know and it doesn't help that I'm wearing my least flattering clothes. Sorry about that. Now you'll have this image of me stuck in your head'. Group hug and we headed for the car. Bro-in-law has a nice new car, Audi A something. It's really pretty and big. We drove to his work, I was appreciating the weather and the nice view. You know Cape Town and its mountains and and and. At bro-in-law's work, they have Zebras. They're his friends. He talks to them all the time. One of them had given birth the day before. Baby zebras are big! That thing didn't look one day old at all!

We talked a little bit about GE, made a few jokes in English, that was the fun part! MY SIS HAD BAKED ME A CAKE. WHHHAAAATTTTT! She hid it in a corner somewhere in the kitchen. Of course I went straight to it and I died! It was so big! Divine! And alllll mine! I did share with them of course, I'm not that bad, duh! I got new clothes, new jewellery yayness all the way.
I showered and called it a day.

GOOD TO BE HOME!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

... The doctor's finger, a man's private parts and and and

Dec 16th
On the plane, I sat next to a Georgian seaman. We were lucky to be the only 2 passengers in a 3seater, Lord knows we needed the extra space!
The dude wouldn't stop talking! He spoke English well. He told me about himself, his job, how much he earned, which was way more than I thought Georgian Seamen made, about $8 000 per month. His marriage, his wife, what she does and how much he made per month.

The flight attendant made the usual announcements, emergency exits and whatnot. The guy spoke right through those, they must've reminded passengers to switch their cell phones off, but I missed that. Before I knew it, the plane was getting airborne! My cellphone was off and I hadn't buckled up! I quickly switched my cell off, dude, made a phone call. I was like, say what nah? I felt like I was being punked, which is how I felt every single day in Georgia. The passengers behind us notified the attendants that my neighbour was talking on the phone. He was reprimanded. I told him to buckle up, he told me the belt was too small for him. It fit me! That says a lot! 'Nah, it's too small, plus it makes me uncomfortable'. Ok, Mr. Seaman!

He went on to tell me about how badly he and his wife want children. There's a procedure that the Turkish doctors perform on men that can't have kids. I'll spare you the gory details. But it had to do with a man's private parts, the doctor's finger and and and. This guy looked me straight in the eye and his face seemed much closed to mine as he talked to me about this. I don't know if he was, or it was me being uncomfortable. He may have breathed deeply too.

I remember thinking, I needed to sleep well before my flight out of Georgia so that I could watch the plane leave (I imagined having a window seat). It's the image I wanted more than anything else. This man ruined it for me! Trust a Georgian! And I didn't get a window seat!

Somehow, the subject changed and he asked me the usual Georgian questions:
'do you like Georgia?'.
It's a beautiful country.
'Do you like Georgians?'
Nope!
'NO?'
Yup! Nope!
'Why? I mean, Georgia is a country like any other country. Georgians are normal people, we have our ups and downs, but nobody is perfect. Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Have you travelled to any other country? Could it be you just miss home and are not used to being among different people? That's the word! Different! Georgians are different to South Africans! Blah blah blah blah'.
Yeah, you're right. Georgians are different. I've met people from all over the world. But I find a lot similar in them and I find nothing in common between myself (and them) and Georgians. So yeah
'But, but-'
You know what? Let's leave it as it is. That's one of the things I find 'different' about Georgians, the defensive-ness. I've never met more defensive people in my life! Don't worry about my opinion, I'm just one person, if I'm the only not-so-well-travelled foreigner  to set foot in Georgia, I'm sure lots of other well travelled foreigners loved it.
'No, no no no! It's people like you that black paint Georgians out there. These are your own opinions and you should keep them to yourself and let other people come to our country and experience it for themselves!'
I'm sorry, but if people want my opinion of it, I'll tell them exactly, what I went through in Georgia, it's not my duty to sugar-coat it. They can make up their mind as to whether or not they want to still visit or not.

Like all Georgians, once he heard my opinion of his country and its people, he had nothing more to say to me. Thank heavens! I spent the rest of the flight (which wasn't much at all) excited that I made it on the plane without having to pay for my luggage and that I was actually on the way out! That I made it! Through all the drama!

In no time, we were in Turkey, Istanbul airport. According to the travelling agent, I had a 2 hour lay over. Very excited about that. When I went to Georgia, my lay over in Istanbul was 7 hours. I had lots of bags, heavy bags and tons of clothes on me. As soon as we landed, I went looking for a trolley. It took me an hour to find one! Yup! 60 minutes! I kept looking at the time and something didn't gel. If my layover was 2 hours, then I'd to be out of there at 8pm.  My ticket said 12, which meant the layover was actually 5 hours. Thanks Georgian travelling agent for clearing that up for me! See, here's the thing, when you talk about Georgian anything, you have to put the prefix 'Georgian'. That informs people that whoever/whatever you're talking about is SPECIAL.

I spent the remaining 2 hours sleeping on the benches. That's after, I munched on free Turkish Delight. What's Turkey without Turkish Delight? I'd never seen so many Chinese in one place in my life! They were EVERYWHERE! An hour before my flight, I went to check in. I knew I was in the right place, when I heard people speaking Afrikaans, until I realised it was either German/Dutch because IT WASN'T AFRIKAANS. I saw more black people and that put a smile on my face. Whew!

I don't know what happened but as the gates opened, they announced something (the airport people, not the gates lol), and we all were rushed through the gates without being checked. I squeezed through the passage to my seat, fortunately, I kind attendant helped me with my bags. She even helped me pack them up in the overhead shelf thing.

I sat next to a lady this time. She smiled to acknowledge me and I felt guilty stripping off 3 of my 5 jackets and jerseys. I didn't want to be that annoying person, with crap all over the place. I'm so glad I had a window seat because I just stuffed all my thing between my seat and the wall. She was reading a book. She was travelling with three kinds and her husband. HER HUSBAND WAS HOT! HE IS HOT! THEY'RE ITALIAN. They swapped seats for a little while. He wanted to watch a movie and his monitor wasn't working. Maaaannn! I was so mad that I didn't look cute that day. He's nice too! He told me it was going to be their first time in South Africa, they were going to stay for 2weeks, and all that good stuff. I had to bite my tongue and not invite them over to my sis' for a meal or 2. She's a great cook and it couldn't hurt to feast my eyes one more time on an Italian hunk. When I thought about how many they were, I was like, never mind! There's no way, we'll use 2 cars just to drive these people home! And none of those cars is mine. I'd feel guilty.

It was a very nice flight. I listened to music, all time favourites: Ray Charles, Elton John, Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Michael Bolton etc. As a result, I still want to buy myself Michael Bolton's The Duets album. It's great! I love his version of Make you feel my love. I watched a movie or two, I can't remember. I know that one was with Rob Patinson and Reese Witherspoon, something about water and the elephants. It's a nice movie that shows off Rob's acting talent.

When we landed in Johannesburg, I felt like it had only been the day before that I left the country for the first time to an unknown land. I felt all sorts of emotions take over me. I just wanted to call my family and tell them I'm here! But I couldn't because my sis and I decided to surprise everybody. More on that later. We were in Joburg for more than an hour. I spent the whole time listening to a dude making moved on a Norwegian girl sitting behind me. I was so over it!
I freaked out a bit when the flight attendants wanted us to claim our bags. I was like oh my gosh I knew it! My friend D's 'dealer' friend snuck something in my luggage!

Last day in Georgia?

15th Dec
The day finally arrived!
I woke up early, even though I went to bead really late. (By the way, I still don't get why slept late doesn't mean I went to bed late but I woke up late).
I hadn't weighed my luggage but hoped that the weight would have been more or less the same as I didn't do any shopping in Georgia. All my gifts were in my carry onS. Yeah, I had a few of those! I took out some stuff I wanted to leave behind and gifts for my friend D. My suitcase was still too full, and there wasn't much I could do about that but hope for the best and pile the thicker and heavier clothes on.

My friend, B and I had an appointment for 1pm. He only had an hour to see me because he had a boxing match that day. And I only found out then that my professional dancer friend was also a boxer. Interesting! I asked him to meet me at my friends, we'd talk for a bit, say our good-byes, then he could head back. He called me when he was 'around'. I ran to the bus stop to meet him and he was nowhere to be seen. We did that awkward thing of talking to each other on the phone, asking the other person to wave their hand so you could see them, I ran toward a statue that was in the middle of the road so he couldn't miss me. He told me he was looking at the statue and couldn't see me. I jumped, and waved and and and AND he still couldn't see me. He asked me to hand the phone over to a Georgian. I did, they talked, Georgian man handed me my phone back, B told me to wait for him right there. Apparently he got off a few stops too soon. Great! All that jumping and waving for nothing! I'd be damned if I must listen to this dude and wait for him, and NOT MOVE! I ran across the street to the bank and exchanged my money to Dollars because who knows if they keep Georgian Lari in South Africa? Or anywhere else in Georgia besides Georgia herself! Just as I walked out of the bank, B called and told me he got lost and ended up God-knows-where, he asked me to rather meet him in the City centre. I would have if I didn't have 100 kg (220 lb) baggage to take with me to the airport from our meeting. I had to cancel our meeting. The other thing was, he had about 20 - 30 minutes left before his match.

What was more annoying was the fact that I couldn't call him, whenever I tried, I got the annoying automated crap that said his number didn't exist, which, it obviously did! I had to text him, he'd call me in return. I could sense the disappointment in his voice, he probably could sense the pain in mine. Ahhhh! Painful Good byes! I sent Michelle a text, asking her to give B a big kiss for me. They were going to meet the next day. I later found out that didn't happen either. They somehow missed each other. Poor B :(  Poor us! He's such a great friend!

Cab----->Airport. Good bye D! Saying good bye to D was weird. It wasn't  sad, it was just weird. Cab driver and I had the usual driver/passenger conversations. In Genglish (Georgian and English).
Driver: Do you like Georgia?
Me:  She's ok.
Driver: Do you like Georgians?
Me: Not really.
Driver: Why not?
Me: Because, first of all Georgian men see us (foreigners) as sluts/prostitutes and they want nothing but sex sex sex sex from us.
Driver: What's wrong with sex? Don't you like sex? I like sex. Everybody does.
Me: . . . . How much longer before we get to the airport?
. . .

At the airport.
I was 2 hours early, if not a little longer. I wanted to have enough time to sort my stuff out i.e. The baggage. I was very nervous about that. Leaving South Africa for Georgia, I was allowed 30kg checked baggage and 8 kg carry on. Fortunately, they didn't weigh my carry on, which weighed about 20 kg. . . Don't judge! Luckily, I was flying the same airlines back to SA!

I sat around, chatting with my sister on email, not believing that the day had finally arrived. It was cold outside and I was sweating bullets! You should have seen all the clothes I had on! Time for check in! They weighed my suitcase, 30 KG! Yesssss! Errrr NOPE!
'I'm sorry, man, you're only allowed up to 20kg for checked luggage'. WHAAAATTT? TWENTY KILOGRAMS? BUT IT WAS THIRTY WHEN I CAME HERE! WHAT AM I TO DO WITH THE EXTRA TEN?
'You may pay for it at that counter mam, at €20 (R200) per kilogram.
WHAAAAATTT? TWENTY EUROS? THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY!
'Neeext!'

R2 000 ($300) for luggage! Good Lord! I could've bought souvenirs with that money! Sharks! Uhm, okay.... I went to the counter to confirm the amount.
'Miss Brook flying to Switzerland, via Germany?' No, that was meant for tomorrow, I didn't get the visa, I'm now going back to South Africa. (I was hopeful that they'd made a mistake thinking I was still flying Lufthansa whose baggage limit is less than that of Turkish.
'Ok mam, your limit is 20kg, anything over and above that will be charged at €10 per Kilo'. But - 'I'm sorry mam, those are the rules. If you have a problem with that, please talk to the manager. There she is.'
I emailed my sister an update of what was going on. She said: CRY! JUST CRY! THEY'LL FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

Acting hat on, I started getting teary eyed, I walked toward the manager, she was talking to someone. I stood there waiting, getting 'really upset'. I had to interrupt them, they weren't getting done, I think the guy was trying to hit on the manager and she wasn't getting it.
Me: Hi! Excuse me. Are you the manager?
Manager: Yes, can I help you?
Me: (teary eyed) uhm, oh Gosh! Whew! My luggage-
Manager: Yes, they told me! I'm sorry. Those are the rules, I can't help you.
5 kilograms, that's it!
Me: (excited, tears GONE) so my limit's 25 kg? THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I ran back to my luggage which by then was all over the place, I took out my clothes, put more clothes on, threw some clothes away, oh my gosh! I had to figure out what to do with 5kg of my stuff. There was a security guard sitting next to me, watching me like a hawk. I don't blame him, I was acting rather suspicious running all over the show like a headless chicken.

I'd to go back to have my suitcase weighed. 24.6kg. I was like, oh cool! And ran back to my bags to get more stuff before she could tell me I couldn't. We stopped at 25.2kg. The lady told me to bring my carry on. I was like Lord have mercy! What if they decide to weigh these bags as well? I'll die! She looked at them, shook her head and just gave me the stickers to stick them on myself. Thang goodness!

I went upstairs, pretending as if my bags weren't that heavy, I passed a policewoman that looked at my bags and went, 'that's a lot of bags!'. I was like 'uhm erm, er, hi uhm'. I didn't know whether to agree with her or deny that those were a lot of bags or what. Security check! Dude told me I had a pair of scissors in my bag that he wanted me to take out. WHAT? REALLY? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Of course, I didn't say that to him. I couldn't find the darn scissors. I had to empty my bag once again, thinking to myself, "I tell you I'm not meant to leave this country! I'll miss my flight tonight". I had to strip, it was impossible to manoeuvre with half my wardrobe on.