Welcome to Los Angeles

El asked where I wanted to go in LA. I was and always am game for whatever, I like to be surprised and am all about spontaneity. We checked out, he dragged our matching suitcases, we headed for the car. LA, here we come! It was a beautiful morning, the sun was out as in any other day in Southern California. We left Orange county and headed for the City of Angels. You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face if you tried! I was falling more and more in love with El, just for allowing himself to be the instrument though which my dreams were being made to come true. Perry made lots of promises but he couldn’t fulfil one of them. And none of them were in LA, which is only a two hour drive from San Diego. It wasn’t a competition but Perry had an opportunity and he messed it up because he was so caught up in things he had no control over. I hope I am never ever that kind of person. To never live for the moment.

WELCOME TO LOS ANGELES! F*ck me! If you’re my friend on Facebook, you may have seen an influx of pictures of the City around Christmas day. I was too happy not to post. Normally, I don’t state where I am until I blog about it so as not to spoil it, but LA is LA, I had to! He asked me what I felt like having for lunch, I was PMSing and had all kinds of cravings. He suggested we went to Hometown Buffet, great choice! The smile on my face, the entire time! Just before we walked in, a couple that was ahead of us, an older Gentleman and a younger exotic looking woman, the man held the door open for us, and smiled at me. I thought that was sweet. When we got to the cash register, he offered to have us use his pensioner’s card for discount. We weren’t allowed to. Just as well. Who was cheap food at a discounted rate? Before you know it, they were going to have to pay us to eat it! Not my idea of a date.

I had all kinds of meat, from Beef to Pork to chicken to sea food and cake for desert. El had a healthy, green dish, good for him! I’d have had more, if I weren’t on a date with someone I didn’t know that well. From there, he took me to his favourite store ever; the 99 Cents Only Store! Where as you may have guessed it, everything is 99 Cents only! We grabbed some Diet Pepsi, El’s fave Soda. When we got to the cash register, (or Till), the lady recognised him, apparently he sold her and her husband a TV set a month prior (and she still remembered him, HANDS OFF B*TCH, HE’S MINE!). J

He then took me to a shoe store, and asked the assistant to help me find matching comfortable shoes because we were going to do a lot of walking. SCORE! It’s been a while since a guy did that for me. I was over the moon. He sat aside while I chose a pair. I put them on immediately. I still didn’t quite know where we were going to spend the day, mind you?

Perry who?

While we were driving, I had my cameras in hand, snapping away. I saw the Hollywood Sign, OOOHHH MMMMMYYYY GOOOOSSHHHH, Are you kidding me right now?!?!?!?!? I could’ve died! I was in LA for sure! I tried taking a picture but we were on the Freeway, there was no time to stop. When we got off the Freeway, he asked me to trust him, I was so in love that moment, I could trust him to take my own life! We drove around until, boom! The sign again, Whoooo hoooo! So nice of him to do that for me! I snapped until I couldn’t snap anymore! #Happiness

From there, we kept driving, for me seeing the street signs I always hear about in TV shows, news and songs was a very surreal experience, Hollywood Boulevard, Sunset Boulevard, the works. As we were driving, I saw a sign <<<< UNIVERSAL STUDIOS . Of Course I took pictures. He told me stories of when he was young and he and his friends would park outside the premises and walk all the way up to the studios and gallivant there all day. I can’t imagine how it must have been like growing up in my favourite city in the World.

Before I knew it, we were at the Gate at Universal, WHAT! I couldn’t believe it!  Me, here, now!?

He paid Entrance fee and voila! We found parking, and walked in, hand in hand, I couldn’t have been more in love with him, than I was that day! At least that’s what I thought. We browsed around, the entire place, well as much as we could. The place is huge! Everything is huge and exaggerated. I would recommend that If you are ever to visit LA, do yourself a favour and check it out. They still had Christmas decorations, seeing as Christmas was only the previous day. He got us Tickets to The Terminator Show. Wildest show I have ever seen! The thing was on 4D plus it had live actors! As if that was not enough, we, the audience were part of the show too, what!!!!!!! Yup!

They gave us out 4D glasses, we awaited our turn. While we were still in the foyer, they told us a bit about the Terminator’s mission. Then we went in, took our seats and the show started on the screen,3D or 4D, who knows anymore, whenever there was water splashing on the screen, some of it sprinkled on us, I was like,am I imagining this? Then while they were fighting, someone would break though the screen and come out of the screen, literally, and run in between us, What the heck! It was way to cool! You’d have to see it to get what really happens, I don’t have words. They even made out seats shake when the ground was shaking on screen, I mean, our hearts were beating fast throughout the show. What an experience!

I came out of there, like whoa! That on it’s own was enough to take my breath away, but that wasn’t all. As we were walking around, we saw movie memorabilia, like Mr. Bean’s green Mini Cooper? Yup, it was parked on the side of the road, in their Little London Town. Snap, snap, snap! I saw a vampire, took a picture with him, he covered me up in his cape and bit my neck, rrrrrrr. He smelled good too! I didn’t want him to let me go! Sorry El. I took pictures with Shrek, etc  etc etc. Then we went for a ride around the different film sets. I can’t remember all the movie names but as we are touring on the bus, the guy was showing us the sets and the scenes would play on a tv screen in the bus, too cool! Do you remember the movie, Psycho? We saw the house, the car and Him, or somebody putting a body in the trunk (boot) of a car outside the house. Creepy! We drove on Wisteria Lane, what! They showed us which house was whose and all that, it was fantastic! I love me some Desperate Housewives. It was unreal to be on Wisteria Lane.

There were streets of New York, Canada, London, you name it, right there. Nicole Kidman’s movie Dead Calm was filmed there as well, I think. JAWS! So here’s what happened with the whole Jaws thing, they told us about it, I was sitting on the far right side of the bus right by the window, only it was a “convertible” bus so there were half walls and no windows, we drove over a bridge, they literally made it rain on us and then boom, the shark was coming for us, it stopped just before it got to me. It came out of nowhere, I was like flipping hell, what’s next. It was such a thrilling experience! You have no idea! The bus was shaking, I thought we were going to tip over and get bitten by sharks. Fast and the Furious? Same story! They cause a wreck while we were watching and then the cars went on fire, it was real fire, or not, I don’t know but we felt the heat on the bus! Insane!

By the time we were done with out tour, it had got dark and cold outside. Good thing I had my sweater because El’s Leather Jacket never would have fitted me. He wanted us to do more stuff but changed his mind, he didn’t want me to freeze to death. I didn’t care. I was on the roll, Go gO GO!

P.S. Pictures will follow when I have faster internet xoxo

I think he's dead... El! Wake up!

Is this even the same guy as the guy I had been talking to? Is he a criminal? What if he’s not even who he says he is, All these thoughts ran through my mind, too late, I was already in the car. He seemed nervous. Which could be a good thing or a bad thing. We drove off. I would’ve been excited to finally be united with him if I were not totally freaked out.

 He had a Cars (the rock band) T-shirt, a black leather jacket, and blue levi’s Jeans on. He looked alright, he just didn’t quite look like the guy in the pictures. He looked more like a blown up version of that guy. While I was still battling these thoughts, trying to calm down the voices in my head, he grabbed my hand and stuck it in his mouth. What the ffffffffff---? Is what I said, in my already so confused head but on the outside, I smiled and went, rrrrrrrrr. Whew!  I mean who does that? Whatever happened to hey, Brook, nice to finally meet you? Or kiss the back of my hand, what the heck are you doing munching on my hand? You never even told me you were in to that. You had ample time to warn me about this, dang it!

Los Angeles, here I come! Or not, depending on what this weirdo has in store for me! Gosh, good things only, I hope! Happy birthday Jesus! He explained to me that there were no phones on the way, that’s why he didn’t call. Really? I wonder why there are no public phone every other traffic  light in The United States of America in 2012, mhhh! #wondering. He turned around, looked me in the eye and went, “could you have put on more perfume?” WHAT? Are you kidding me right now? Who says that to someone they just met? Ugh, #TurnOff

I was fighting really hard to find things I liked about the guy now that he was here, he was a real person, I was on the way to another county with him, I had to think of something. I had to make it work. We talked and talked, after the ice was broken, it wasn’t so bad in there.

I remember talking to him about hygiene, some time over the phone, he told me he recently had his teeth cleaned because he has dental insurance (tmi), the dentist gave him a new tooth brush, which was special in so many ways blah. When I saw the guy, his teeth didn’t look like he had had them cleaned in a minute (read: very long time). They looked like he brushed them, just maybe not that day or something. Man, how am I going to handle this! I love to kiss like any red blooded female out there but I refuse to kiss someone with teeth filled with tartar, no, I ain’t no teeth cleaner. What am I supposed to do with all that once it’s transferred from your mouth to mine? Come on dude, have some self respect! Mine were pure white, you know when you use the extra whitening toothpastes and then wear red lipstick. The right shade of red will make the whiteness of your teeth pop. And I don’t drink coffee, tea, wine or anything really. I pride myself in how nice and glossy and white my teeth are.

It was a nice drive to LA, short too. Must because we didn’t really go to LA. I saw, welcome to ORANGE COUNTY! I was so excited cos I’m such a real housewives fan! Gretchen is my favourite of the RHOC, mainly because she always tweets back J. I was so psyched to know I could possibly be in the same County as her, don’t judge me, I have my moments! We found nice parking and he went, ok, I want my kiss. I thought fck! Smiled and puckered up. Come on, I want more than that! Sht! I went for the one on tv. The dry, wet kiss. Smiled and rushed for the door. I was hungry too. He got out of the car and didn’t look that much different from the pictures, I guess poor thing gained weight in his face. He is tall! I still he had brushed his teeth one more time before embarking on his journey to moi!

We walked hand in hand to the restaurant. Perry who?

We found a table, the place was packed. He told me I was beautiful. You bet I am! Haha, I never said that, I would never say that. He ordered Rice and salmon, it was delish, a little pepperish. I had beef stroganoff, I wish it came with rice, but I had to have noodles with it. I hadn’t had Rice in a while, Perry didn’t know how to cook it, so we didn’t have any. El fed me from his plate, then had some of mine AND then he looked me in the eye and went, “next time let me order for you”. WTF!

After that, we drove around to the hotel where we asked me to wait for him in the car while he cheked in. WHAT? A hotel? I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT, he’s married to that sister woman! What an a** hole! What a waste of my time! He came out ages later, complaining about how racist those people are. At least the guy who helped him. Apparently he looked at him some kind of way (American English ;)) when he saw that he was with me. I was like but I wasn’t in there with you! How could he have known I am with you? I didn’t care, The guy was black by the way. We drove around the back of the hotel where our room was, parked, he carried my bags for me and we got in. It was freezing in orange county! We got settled. Anchorman, the movie was playing on tv, he seemed to enjoy that. He knew every line of the script. Not cool, El, not cool!

He asked if I wanted to go see a movie. I had to pass, it was cold outside, I was ok just chilling in the room and watching Anchorman. We had to pay extra for internet, he was willing to do it, but It wasn’t that important. We laid in bed and talked, just light stuff, nothing hectic. Until he dozed off and snored like I never heard anybody or animal snore before in my entire life. I jumped up, woke him up and was like, I think you’re uncomfortable, you’re snoring. He said, “oh yeah, I thought I told you about my snoring.” You told me you snore, but you didn’t tell me you snored like this! He told he meant to bring me ear plugs cos it’s really bad. Ya think? I stayed up while he snored the night away. He would alternate between snoring, actually, I should google it, I’m sure there’s a name for that noise. Between that and dying for a few seconds, literally stopping breathing and BOOM! Snore again, really loud! I would wake him up, tell him, I thought he died there for a second. He acted surprised, come on, you’re fifty years old and you don’t know that you die and reincarnate in your sleep! Don’t give me that!

The following morning, I was so freaked out about the whole sleep apnoea thing that I brought it up again. I asked if he ever saw someone about it. He told me he dated a woman who was a nurse, she made good money and wouldn’t buy him a certain watch he wanted. It’s not that he couldn’t afford the watch but he wanted her to buy it for him because of everything he had done for her.... I was thinking to myself, back on track El, why are we still sulking about the ex, let’s get back to the subject at hand, the sleep apnoea! Anyway, the nurse told him that it’s normal. Whatever! That’s not normal, trust me.

I went out for breakfast by myself while he was still in bed, he gave me money to go grab myself something because, “El sleeping! Sleeping El...” He kept saying that. So I thought not to disturb him, it’s not like he slept all night, snoring and kept me awake, right? Right! I grabbed breakfast, and went back to the hotel, it poured rain on my way back, good thing I had the jacket he had given me on. He had picked up from our conversations that I didn’t have warm, winter clothes. He then brought me a jacket that was too big on him (cos he was thin IN HIS HEAD). Anyway, I appreciated the gesture. He also brought me a cute suit case, carry on size, that was part of a set he had. He gave it to me and told me he wanted us to start having matching, good quality stuff, daddy wasn’t gonna let me walk around with the cheap luggage set I bought at Wal-Mart. He told me to take care of that and keep the receipts, he was going to return it, pay extra and buy me a better quality set from Sears. One of his back handed nice things to say. Part of that is sweet cos he is offering to do something nice (well, it’s potentially sweet, cos it’s still a promise, who knows if he’s going to deliver or not), another part is that he is dissing a set I bought myself, with my own hard earned cash at Wal Mart, you know what I mean? I feel like there’s always a better way to approach things than his way. Maybe it’s just me.

We had a busy day ahead, time to hit LA b*tches! I was so psyched :)

GET IN! GET IN!

It’s not like I could call and be like, hey babe where you at? Or text and be like, “ssup, I’m outsyd, i don c u!” Do you know what I mean?

And I wasn’t about to do the walk of shame back to the house. I just kept going. I could feel Perry’s eyes on me as I walked aimlessly down the street. I saw a car that resembled El’s car down the street. I was like, could that be it? Man I hadn’t worn heels in ages, I was really not feeling walking all the way there in heels. Darn it! I kept walking though. It was very quiet in the neighbourhood, I didn’t want people calling the cops on me, or some neighbourhood watch. Ugh, where art thou? I kept looking at my phone, nothing! Shebbert!

As I got closer, I realised that wasn’t the car, now what? Do I walk all the way up? Is he gonna go back where he had parked before? What to do, what to do? I walked back up hoping against hope that Perry wouldn’t come out and ask if he could offer me a ride or something. He did ask me that when I walked out and I turned him down, knowing that my new beau was waiting for me outside. Little did I know...! I made my way back towards the house, slowly, hoping that he hadn’t gone back to LA, imagine! He came back! Whew! If it weren’t for the car, I wouldn’t have recognised him. He looked nothing like the obviously old pictures he had been sending me. He had a fat face, he still had a full head of hair but it was salt and pepper, not the image I had in my mind from the pictures, wtf?

As I was trying to figure all this out in my head, he pulled up and went, GET in! Get IN! GET IN! The car hardly stopped, he grabbed me, got me in the car and drove off............whattt thhheee ffuuuuuu

Elvis, My King, where the f*ck art thou?

While getting to know each other, talking it up over the phone with Elvis, he would say things like, “so how flexible are you?” I’d be like, you mean .... “you know?!” uhm, I can’t believe you just asked me that! Or we’d be talking, then he would be like, “so you didn’t pick up when I called earlier, were you doing some stretching exercises?” Stretch exercises? What for? “so you can be nice and flexible for daddy.” Are you for real? Nobody says the things you say!

Overall, I was still excited to meet him in person. I was excited to go to LA for the first time in my life. It had been a dream of mine. You know I was dying to get out of Perry’s house, even for  a day! At first El said he was going to pick me up the night of Christmas  Eve, then he changed his mind. He wanted to spend part of Christmas with his family, so he was either going to take them to a restaurant and give his sister a break from cooking, where they were going to have Christmas lunch. Or he was going to order take out from one of the restaurants that serve Christmassy stuff and have them deliver to the house, so he wouldn’t feel bad not being with his family the entire day. He seemed like he was really making an effort to please everybody.

He confirmed that would leave LA around 11 am to be in San Diego around 1pm to pick me up. I was to take with me my laptop, in case we needed to google some stuff to do and places that would be open and all that. I would have been happy doing that on my blackberry really, but ok. Hopefully this guy wasn’t some conman who was going to rob me of my valuables. He did ask me before how big my laptop was in inches. I found that odd, that he would care. Anyway, I didn’t get ready until Christmas morning because I have been disappointed too much, I never get ready until the very last minute. I don’t want to be that fool who was stood up. Dressed up and all.

Did I tell you Elvis doesn’t have a Cellphone? Yep, 2012 and the guy doesn’t have a Cellphone. His reason is because once, he was out of town and ran his bill up so much talking to a girlfriend while driving back that he never ever wants to pay that much on a telephone bill again. Uh, which country were you in? They have unlimited talk and text plans in America now starting from $40 per month! You work in a shop, you should know that? Didn’t the Kardashians tell you that when you were on a conference call with them?

He told me that he will consider getting a Cellphone when he is in a serious relationship with someone and lives with them. He wants to get married to, the whole nine yards. Speaking of which, what happened that you’re almost fifty and you’ve never been married. “People always ask that, and I can ask you the same question, how come you’ve never been married?” Because I’m a woman, and wait on a guy to ask, you on the other hand are a man, it’s on you to ask a girl. So you will probably get asked that question more than us women. I’ve been asked a couple of times before but nothing came of it, obviously. He told me about how he came so close with a few of the women he’s dates. One woman, he was on the way to surprise at work with the ring. As he was pulling up at her work’s parking lot, he busted her making out with a man. That was the end of that relationship. The rest of the stories, I was to  hear at a later stage. The Kenyan woman, had to move to the East coast to be with his family because they needed her or something to that effect. They are still friends, he wishes he could be friends with all his exes but some don’t think so, something he genuinely doesn’t understand. Well, Elvis, NEITHER DO I! I don’t get it. Make your own friends. Who are just gonna be your friends, have a bunch of exes and that of friends, why should you be so desperate to be friends with your exes, MOVE ON! They’ve clearly moved on, you do so too!

I tried to find cute clothes to wear for our very first meeting. We hadn’t skyped because he doesn’t have a webcam. I was on the phone with my sister who I sent pictures of my in the outfits for her approval. Done! I did my hair and nails.

I had sent Elvis a few of my pictures over time, his comments would go something like, (this is after I asked him if he got them because he wouldn’t even acknowledge receipt thereof) “nice pic, I love your boots.” Really? My boots! I take a picture of my entire self and you’re gonna tell me you like my boots? Boots that my ex, Perry chose for me by the way. SideNote: I find that if you want to impress your new beau, wear something an ex bought for you. They seem to like the same things. I always get compliments from guys on things other guys bought for me. His comment to another picture I had sent him was, “being a plane Jane suits you” Uhm wtf, is this a comment or an insult?

He had told me on our first telecon what he likes lookswise. Check it out: Long, artificial nails, long hair, weaves, wigs, it doesn’t matter, colored contact lenses, full make up. If you’re my friend on Facebook or follow me on Instagram, you know what I look like! Since I’ve been in the US, I’ve been rocking short, relaxed hair, for the longest time, I’ve worn my nails short, partly because of the work I do, I’m a massage therapist, and a CNA and mainly because I like my nails short. I color them all the time but wear them short, coloured contact and blonde wigs? I have nothing against them, but I haven’t gone that route yet. Was this guy trying to change me already?

I told him how I was open to all those things as long as whoever needs them was going to pay for them. They were so not the priority in my life at the time. He wasn’t perfect, so I don’t know what gave him the balls to have such standards of people, i.e. me. I should be flexible, this that and the other. Oh and he may have mentioned a few times that he has a huge c*ck. “Something something, huge white c*ck). Closer to us meeting, I brought up the size thing and was like, by the way how big is it? “I’ve never measured it, but it’s going to be enough for you” Oh now, it’s enough! All along it was a huge white c*ck, what happened to that? Sht was getting real, it was time for him to be almost honest. I brought it up again and told him to measure it, I want inches damn it! He told me he didn’t have measuring tape, but gave me a rough estimate. This much or that much. When they do that, I know it’s the smaller number or an inch smaller than that even. I thought to myself, great, he’s small. He’s big headed and small. And I’m supposed to do stretching exercises for THAT!

He called me before the left and told me he was about to take a shower, he was going to call me on the way, get this; he was going to find a public phone and call me from it. I asked him what if he didn’t find one? He assured me he would. What do I know, I’ve only had cellphones half my life or more. I was expecting him around 1pm. He was going to call en route and then again when he got to San Diego. Uh, where exactly? I’d lived in SD for almost two months and don’t recall seeing a public phone. Anyway, I didn’t want him knocking on Perry’s door, that was drama I didn’t want to have the energy to want to be involved in. Perry caught a glimpse of my while I was getting ready, paid me a compliment (something my new guy had an issue with) and asked if I was going somewhere, “NOPE.”

I peeked through the window and saw El’s car, a green Ford Escape, crap, he’s here! I wasn’t ready yet AND I COULDN’T CALL OR TEXT TO LET HIM KNOW! Fck! What kind of a person is this? Why doesn’t this guy have a cell phone? Grrrrrr! He had told me he was considering getting a cheap $20 phone day before the trip, WHY DIDN’T HE?

I finished up quickly and wan outside, I wished Perry a Merry Christmas and strutted out the door, you know when you know you look cute and smell great and have great plans with a hot guy and you’re walking away from your ex who is lounging around the house with no plans dressed in his house clothes? Feels great doesn’t it?

I got outside and ELVIS WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. Shhhhhhtttttt!

Sister, Sister!

San Diego Sunset

Well, uhm, I er, there’s this guy. It’s a bit of a long story actually, but I guess, you have to hear it at some point. Might as well be now! I bumbled, ever so confidently! All fake! I was freaking out inside! How in the heck am I going to tell this man that I currently live with another man and am serving a notice because he kicked me out? He is going to think me a freak, baggage! I told him the truth. He didn’t seem to mind, in fact, he seemed relieved. Weird, but I took it! It was better than what I had expected.

 He told me his mother was 88 years old, same age as Avon, remember her? New Jersey? Anyway, according to El, she wasn’t sick, sick, just old and mother of his was going to die in a nursing home. She used to have her own home in Long Beach, LA, but when they noticed that she was getting a little confused, he took it upon himself to take her in. He and his sister took turns looking after the mom, the sister’s shift started when El left for work and ended when he got home. Whenever he was day off, he would take care of mommy!

One night, he called and was like, “ugh, you know my sister! She can be so annoying, I told her I don’t want pop corn, she is forcing me to eat pop corn. She thinks she can tell me what to eat and when to eat it, I DO NOT WANT POP CORN!” I was like, oh, she’s still there? I thought she would have gone home by now! “Sometimes she spends the night here, she sleeps in the other room when she feels like it.” Oh and, how old are you? Who talks like that? I DON’T WANT POPCORN? How old are these people? Anyway, whatever!

He had this sound that he would make whenever he had throat or whatever lozenges in his mouth, you know when you have hard candy in your mouth and you roll it around from one side of the mouth to the other. The sound that it makes when it touches the teeth? Hated it! I couldn’t believe that a man his age would be doing that! I had to tell him it was annoying, he tried to stop. Emphasis on Tried. He has a course voice, which I love. I don’t think he likes it because he says that’s not his voice, he has bronchitis or flue or this or that, it’s always something. And I really like it. That’s one of the reasons he has all that soul for a white boy.

Speaking of voices, he continued to sing for me almost every night, mostly Ottis Reddy’s songs, which to me were Percy Sledge’s songs. Apparently Percy Sledge sang all of Ottis’ songs. Seriously, if like me, you never heard of Ottis yahoo him or google him or Bing him or better yet youtube him, you will see what I’m saying. You know that album of Precy Sledge’s with When a man loves a woman, Sitting on the dock of the bay etc? All those songs were done by Ottis before! I know!!!! Anyway, he would sing, then stop in the middle, and be like, no, no, wait, no, sorry, I think I am confusing the verses, that’s the first, no, that’s the. My eyes by then are rolled so far back into my forehead, I’m ready to pass out. Dude! You wanna sing, sing! Stop talking, what the heck! Nobody is forcing you to do this? I’m not your sister! Chill out! Either you sing the song or you don’t it doesn’t make any difference in my life, I’m still stuck in this brown house with this man who is beginning to talk like me and it pisses me the heck off.

My bed at Perry's (very comfy!)

One night while on the phone with El, in the middle of the night, I heard Perry cry for help in the other bedroom. I asked him to hold and ran over there, to see if Perry was ok. He was. He was dreaming. When I got back to El, he was like, listen to me! Don’t you ever, EVER do that again? I was like, huh? Why not? We’re roommates, we have to look out for each other, plus, I didn’t even think about it. He said that’s dangerous, this is a man, he should be able to take care of himself. I thought that was a very different reaction but ok. Still getting to know each other, right? Right!

Not far From Perry's

I remember one night we talked about The moment of truth, remember the TV show? He said, he already knows the first question he would make them ask me, “Did I ever sleep with Perry?” I was like that would be a fair question, I can see why you would want to know that and kept it moving. I would ask him about his sister, duh!

Perry's Bed, I made both beds every morning cos he never used to make his bed

I asked him if his sister is married, “no.” Is she straight? “Yes. Haha, funny you should ask that, I told her she should rather date women cos she hates men.” Does she have kids? “Yes, she has a son, the actor?” Oh yeah, him! This is the nephew he taught everything the nephew knows about the entertainment industry. Mh could this be his son? Time will tell. “I think you and my sister will get along. She loves women. She will do anything for women but men! Another story!” Interesting, I guess that means, I was going to get to meet the sister at some point.

Christmas was fast approaching. Perry had no plans. We still had the turkey he got for Thanksgiving and ended up dinnering (not a word, I know, but it is in Xhosa, my home language), at his sister’s with his family. He had promised to make me that for Christmas. He had never made turkey before, I guess that’s why he was stalling so much. He wasn’t so confident. Perry is a great cook, he can whip up anything even if he had never made it before, he has a passion for food. You should see him cook, everything is like a tv show for him. Since he found out I’m all about acting, and I like creative guys, he was making himself into somebody he wasn’t just so he could fit my type of guy. Relax dude, I’m here now. Chill! He would tell me all the time, how he is an artist, he designs houses therefore he’s an artist. I don’t know, that’s not really what I had in mind when I said I was into creative guys. But ok. He smoked marijuana, so I guess that somewhat qualified him as an artist? No? Ok, I tried!

Pirk, Courtesy of Perry

German Chocolate cake (I think that's what it's called. It tastes better than it looks. Perry made it)

I never told Perry about my plans for Christmas. He promised to decorate the house, he’s all about Christmas. He watched Christmas movies all of December. He watched two or three per day. It was really different for me, someone his age to be so into Christmas. But hey, at least he’s passionate about something. I tried watching one with him, in the spirit of Christmas, right? Couldn’t! It was cold that night, I had nice, warm clothes, sat on the comfy couch with the dogs all over us, I dozed off. He woke me up and told me how much he appreciated how great a sport I was for trying, but it was time for me to go to bed. Oops, I guess I fell asleep there! Am I bad! (read: my bad)

He was so into Christmas, whenever we went to the store in December (this is after he kicked me out, we were civil towards each other.), we would drive around checking out people’s Christmas decorations like creepers. He would drive really slowly, I’d be oohing and aahing because where I come from, they don’t go so all out Christmas time. I tried to take pictures but pictures of lights at night, didn’t come out so great.

See? They didn't come out so great but these are pictures of people's homes

I kept asking him when he was going to decorate his house as he had promised. Just like everything he had promised to do, he never did it. He told me to do it myself. I was like  I would but at my house, Christmas decorations means tinsel in the dining room, that’s it! WE never even got a tree. I had a small fake tree at my apartment that I got as a gift from a friend in Natal. So I would put that out in December and put my Christmas gifts under the tree, stuff I got from people and myself. Yeah, I buy myself presents for special occasions, doesn’t everybody? J

I asked Elvis if they had decorated their house, he told me yeah.... you guessed it... HIS SISTER DID!

Sweet Music Man

December 2012

“I...uhm, I...I...I am renting a two bedroom apartment near downtown LA. My mom lives with me, She is sickly and I help take care of her. Whew!” 

Me: THAT’S IT?

“Yes.”

Me: So why did you seem so nervous to tell me that?

“Because I don’t know what would be a deal breaker to you.”

Me: So who takes care of your mom when you’re at work?

“My sister.”

Me: Where does she live?

“She has her own place.”

Me: Does she have a job?

“No, she’s disabled, my sister has a lot of issues, some psychological. But she’s very smart. She has masters in Psychology. I only have a four year degree in Business Administration.”

I felt there was more to the story than he was telling me, but I didn’t want to be too forward, especially considering I wasn’t ready to tell him the story of my life. We changed subject, soon thereafter, he went to sleep because he “ate too much” (sounds familiar, hint Perry), his sister had cooked. It was around ten pm, and his sister had made him dinner. That late? What time does she get to go home? Is this a sister, sister or like a wife sister? Girlfriend sister? Time will tell. I hoped.

The following day, he sent me a nice ecard, written: You’re special, Hello Brook, I just want to say, I miss you, I want to spend time with you, talk to you soon. It had a song playing in the background too, really cute. My heart smiled. He called that afternoon after work, and dinner prepared by his sister. He asked how I liked the card and told me he is very romantic, he promised to do more romantic things for me. I hoped they didn’t include more free eCards. I mean I have lots of space on my PC but it can only hold so much free “romantic” stuff. He serenaded me that night with some so long song I had never heard before. It was time for him to go to sleep, so he cleared his throat and asked if I was ready. I was like yeah sure? What for? He cleared it again and sang me a song, after which he went, “how bout that huh? What do you think about that? Impressive huh? A White boy with soul!” There was nothing left for me to say, he had covered it all up! I had a huge smile on my fave from having yet another guy serenade me with song, but when he started complimenting himself (read: his own self), the smile turned into a very confused look. I agreed with him out of politeness, plus it’s the end of a call, you don’t want to end it on a weird note. He obviously didn’t mind, or didn’t see anything weird about that.

I told my sisters about him, we all thought he was a catch, he’s cute, he can sing “has soul”, we wanted to get to know him better. His birthday was that weekend, December  the 9^th. Any Sagittarians in the house? Haha, just kidding.

We talked all day every day for a while. We got to know each other, I also got to know that he liked to be called Daddy. Question: do all men like to be called daddy? I know the ones I end up with like that.

He wanted to see me. We agreed on spending Christmas together. He had problems with his car, so couldn’t come earlier. He was going to pick me up and take me to LA. I was excited. I wanted to see if there was real potential of a relationship or not, going to his place was going to answer a whole lot of questions for me. Especially that sister question.

I noticed that the sister was making dinner every night. Every time we talked at night after work, he had just had dinner, which his sister had made. She made fancy food too. I felt intimidated, I had to google some of the stuff he told me she made.

“You never told me who you live with?” he asked........ Crap!