Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Would you be my Armenian boy?

So there's this dude, I have been talking to for a while. For as long as I've been here actually. I only met him once. He called me recently and said he missed me, to go see him in his town, hours and hours away from here.
He bought me sms bundles and we exchanged a few sms-es. He told me to visit him and he would pay for my travelling expenses. Deal! It's not like I had anything better to do with myself that weekend. My weekends are long because I don't work Fridays and I only have 2 classes on Thursday, so yeah. I was like, you gon pay? I'm game! I finally got out of bed, and left the house after 1pm. Not a good idea for someone going so far away. But it was cold and wet!

I took the 2 o'clock marshrutka to Khashuri. We arrived there at 6. It was 0 degrees Celsius, dark, snowing, and THERE WERE NO MARSHRUTKAS! Not even one! Nobody spoke English! I felt like I was in a nightmare. I called dude and told what was up. He said, "oh, so you are in Khashuri? Take a marsh to Akhalkalaki" Which is where he was. I was like, but there are no marshrutkas! Ok, take a marshrutka here, and call me when you're close by, Click! He hung up. Awesome! I hitch hiked. I just wanted to get the heck out of that place I was literally freezing. I couldn't feel my toes and as usual, I was wearing the wrong shoes. I got a lift from 2brothers that were going to Akhaltsikhe, 1.5hrs from Akhalkalaki (yeah these are two different towns) where I used to live before. They knew all my friends from Akhaltsikhe. They turned the heater on full blast for me, and fed me mandarins (naartjies) and kiwis (obviously not New Zealanders! I'm not a cannibal, you know). The brothers were tired. And half asleep, we almost crashed or drove off the road the the 90minutes I was in the car with them.

While on the way, I called my police friends, no one answered the phone, they didn't return my texts either. Fabulous! I finally got hold of another cop that didn't speak English, I shoved my phone to one of the brothers that kinda spoke English, He told my friend I needed a place to stay for the night. My friend was excited, I was excited. Perfect! Dude called to find out how far I was, I told him I had to hitch hike and was on my way to Akhaltsikhe, if he wanted to see me, he had to pick me up from Akhaltsikhe or I was going to sleep at my friend's house and take a marsh back to Batumi the next day. He was like, "Brook please! I have no car! My friend that has a car is in Armenia. Please take a marsh here" I told him but it was too late and there were no marsh's anymore. He told me to take a cab and he would pay. I told my police friends. They felt badly that they couldn't just take me there with their petrol but they were broke. Which I totally understood. They took me to a cab the guy said he wanted GEL50 (R200). I told my dude, he said, that's a rip off, it should be 30 (R120) . The cab driver couldn't be haggled. My friend said, he would drive me there if I bought him petrol for the 30 Lari this dude was willing to pay. I called and explained that to him, he said that wasn't a problem, he would reimburse me. Cool!

The drive took forever because there was snow all over the roads. My driver didn't seem to care because, well I still think there's something going on between the married female police office that came with us. They are both married. To other people. We finally arrived in Akhalkalaki, around 9/10. We called dude, he came out running, aw, how romantic! He carried my bag, we ran to his house in the snow. It was beautiful there. And very very cold! There was about 10cm of snow. We went to his apartment, where he had a very small heater. He is Armenian, I couldn't resist singing him, "Would you be my Armenian boy" Cheesy, I know but who doesn't like cheeseburger every now and again, right?

Cut to when the blankets caught on fire from the heater.......
Cut to just before bedtime around 1am, when Dude told me he loved me so much he wanted to take me to Tbilisi the next day. Aw so sweet! He further explained that he would set his alarm for 4am. A.M.! FOUR IN THE MORNING! I was like, uhm what exactly are we going to do in Tbilisi?
"My friend has a big problem and he needs my help"
And what will I do while you're helping your friend?
"You will take a marsh to Batumi"
I BEG YOUR PARDON? So I should wake up in the morning to head back to Batumi? NO! NO! NO! Not gonna happen! I need to sleep this place is cold! I am not go sleep for three hours because your friend has a problem. You can go to Tbilisi, and I will sleep here, you will find me here when you're done.
"Ok you can stay with us then but we will only come back the next day"
Where are we going to sleep?
"In the car"
What? Heck No!
You have a bed, I have a bed There's no reason for me to sleep in a car in Tbilisi. You said I should come visit for the weekend, I am here, you said we'd go for a walk in the town, go to a restaurant and come back and drink beer or wine. I am still waiting to do all of that? I am not going to Tbilisi, tell your friend you can't make it this time around.
"Brook, Please! You have friends, yeah? ... You love them? Then you know how I feel"

I just slept. Around 5am, the alarm went off. Time to wake up. I was like, you're serious about this, aren't you? Well, I still need to sleep. Tell me where to leave your key when I'm done sleeping. Just leave me my transport money. Let's go to Tbilisi, please! I fake cried, he felt badly and told me to stay. Then I was like what if this mutha doesn't come back until it's time for me to head back to Batumi! Let me rather stick it up, and go to Tbilisi. I was up already anyway.

The 2hr ride to Tbilisi, took 5hours! The driver was driving at 15km/h It was a long drive! We were driving on snow. Every now and again the guys had to get off  and push or just get off, to minimise weight in the car. By the way, there were e other friends in the car, besides the driver, the main friend that had a problem. When I saw them, I thought to myself, clearly your friend doesn't need you that much because he has two other friends. There were no introductions, the friend at the back wouldn't stop saying zangi (nigga). I had to sms dude and tell him to tell his friend to stop calling me zangi. He said he wasn't talking about me, I said it doesn't matter, tell him to stop using the word in my presence. He didn't, the word was used all the way till Tbilisi.

Cut to an hour before we arrived in Tbilisi, dude got on the phone, he whispered sweet nothings for about half an hour when I was like, is this dude for real? Can he really disrespect a woman like this! I was tempted to be super dramatic, grab the phone and throw it out the window. I  hanged my mind. He wasn't worthy of a reaction. The call lasted an hour. We arrived at the marsh station, he got off to find a Batumi marsh for me, came back carried my bag for me, ever the gentlemen and walked me to my marsh. He paid the driver 20Lari (R80) and showed me in. I asked him where the rest of my money was that he had promised to refund me. I had spent 50LAri (R200) to get to him the night before. I could write it off but not for a behind like him that clearly has no respect for women. I was still kind of pissed off from him talking to a woman in my presence that long, I'd been disrespected my men before, but nobody had disrespected me like that. Especially a random dude that wasn't even my man. He told me he didn't have money, I was like I BEG YOUR PARDON! I want my money and I am not leaving here until you give me all the money you promised to pay me back. After a few minutes of drama, the people in the marsh looking at us, him, trying to stay out of sight from his friends that were still in the car and the marsh drivers asking what's going on and him calling me a zangi (nigga). I didn't care, I was too pissed off to care. Nothing these people say can hurt my feelings, I feel sorry for them instead. Drama, drama and more drama, he told me he didn't understand what I wanted him to refund me for because my friend took me to his place and therefore there was no money spent. I was like, I had to pay for their petrol, call them and ask them. Plus if you're so broke, how would you have paid for the cab? You told me to take a cab and you would pay... didn't work, he told me, "This is not my problem, Brook". I was like, SAY WHAT?! I wouldn't take my bag back from him, so he threw it on the ground and walked away. I told him to walk away, but if he did, he should do so knowing that he would pay a very costly price because my friends are police officers in his town, they know where he stays, I know where he stays, they've met him, they know what he looks like. He said, "Oh you wanna call your friends?" And gave me his phone, I took it and was about to call my friend when he said, ok, how much do you want from me? As if I am taking advantage of him or something. I told him the amount, 70 Lari, he asked his friend with a big problem. He gave him the money. I got my money, got in the marsh, which was apparently waiting for me the entire time. Not before I told him to pick my bag up. IT was still lying where he dropped it. Of course if we were in South Africa, I would have picked it up immediately, or else, it would be old news, by the time I went back for it.

I had motion sickness all the way to Batumi, it was the worst I've had it in a very long time. Probably because before the 6hours to Batumi, I'd already been on the road for 5Hours and was pissed off.
His last words were, "you are a bad girl!" I told him not to dare call me a bad girl when he is the bad person for doing me like that. I sent him an 8page sms telling him exactly what I thought of him. He said but you have money, Brook, I know that, and you know I don't have money, why would you make me pay you back. Er, because you promised s hole!

When I arrived in Batumi, I paid the driver, he told me dude had already paid. Which means he paid me 20 Lari too much. I called to confirm if he had paid for my marsh so I could refund him, I wasn't hungry for his money, it was the principle behind making empty promises to people and disrespecting women. I told him to text me his banking details and soon changed my mind about giving his money back because s holes don't deserve anything.

He's been calling me and texting me, Brook where is my money, I have no money Brook. I will text him just now and tell him his bank was too far, I had to take a cab, pay 20 lari one way, and 20 back thus I didn't deposit his money and he now owes me 20Lari. Just for the fun of i!