Sunday, October 23, 2016

Rest In Peace, Jim!

The night we slept over at the hospital, Maggie, Cal's mom, made more phone calls while from home and established that the uncle who they were going to wait for before turning off the machine, wasn't going to make it that night. He was the only reason Jim was still in ICU and not in the other place! I can't get myself to say it / write it! When I found out that about the uncle, I felt a weird feeling pierce through my body! That meant one thing: that it was time! Time to say good-bye to Jimmy :(
We're all upstairs with Jim. Our heart are heavy. Everyone was ready to just pull the plug. I'm like WHOA! WHOA! WHOOOOAAAAAHHHH! I don't know if I want to be here for that. You must remember, inasmuch as Calvin and I were tight like that, and her family welcomed me into their circle...well... his brother and Jim, his mom and I were still new; I wasn't his wife or anything like that. I didn't want to inject myself into situations I didn't need to be fully injected into, you know what I mean? Also, I didn't want to have that memory in my head. I asked to be excused, Calvin walked me to a waiting area upstairs, I gave him a tight squeeze and wished him luck while he went to pull a plug on his dad's life. My gosh! I can't talk about this without having a lump in my throat (sips some water).

I sat there praying for Jim's soul and all those of our dearly departed, to rest in peace. It was tough to know what was going on around the corner from me. I knew that my life with Calvin would never be the same again.

There was a nice cleaning lady around. She and I had a conversation, I couldn't tell you what it was about but it helped pass time and distract me. Not too long thereafter, I went to the room to see about everyone. It was weird. You could tell that something major had happened. The atmosphere was totally different from before I left. And of course, Jim was as white as snow. I hated seeing his uhm, body like that. I didn't want to see him like that, at all. It wasn't about me. And as I explained to you in a previous blog, his bed was right by the bed of his room, so as soon as you approach the room, you are confronted by the status quo. Sadly. He still had his ring on. I wondered if I should bring that up. It's the kind of thing whereby you want to bring up some things because as immediate family, they may miss some things, but also, you don't want to overstep your bounds. What if they had already covered that? And now they have to be sad about that all over again because you nosey ass brought it up. Like, what do you do?

Jim and Maggie were married for more than years. That's a long time to be with someone and then boom, you lose them overnight! Maggie was very strong through it all, though. Granted, I had only just met the woman, but I know how grief stricken people act and she was strong.

Everyone said their final words to Jim before we left. I didn't want to hear any of them but I also wanted to be there for them. It was much harder for me to watch My Calvin go through this. Nurse came in and asked if they wanted to take of Jim's ring. Thank you, Lord! I don't have to say anything about that! Calvin took it and put it on his finger. Seeing him put a ring on for me was like when I saw him down on one knee in this blog.

Breakfast was on me. We all went downstairs to the hospital cafeteria. they have ok food. Prices are good. We all ordered something then I told Calv I'd pay. He tried to resist but I took out my money first and boom! Beat him to the punch! He was touched!  His mom was too. We all sat outside as if we were waiting for our Uber and ate. Everything looked so different from when I first arrived at the hospital the previous day. The sun shone differently, the flowers in the hospital landscape looked different. The air was different. Jim was gone. Is gone! The man I had grown to love, who was so dear to my heart, had left me, and I'd never get to hang out with him again. I'd never eat his delicious home cooked meals again. I'd never hear his lighthearted jokes again.

See you on the other side, Jim!

Victory Hand on Samsung Galaxy Note 7 (revised)

R. I. P.

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