Homeless Shelter

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Did I just get kicked out? What am I gonna do? Cindy was still in the bathroom bathing the kid. I went to my bedroom, stared at my clothes in the closet. I was in disbelief. I didn’t see that coming! What was I gonna do? I didn’t know a soul in Utah. Crap! I literally felt week and helpless. That was a low blow. Husband knew better than to do that to me or anyone for that matter. There are things that you just don’t do to a person and that’s one of them. But then again, that’s how they fought, they always went to the no go zones, him and Cindy. It’s what they do, what they know. Even though Cindy, the reason I was in Utah, was there, I felt alone. Like I and only I had to figure out what to do next. I just didn’t see her as that person who was going to be handy in any way. If anything, she would just forget.

She called me to the bathroom, soon as I went in to talk to her, husband came in. She tried to close the door, he pushed it, and forced his way in. I walked away. I have just been kicked out, I no longer need to bear witness to this crap. Whatever, deal with yall’s crap by yourself! They argued and argued about their problems, he came to my bedroom to try and force me to listen to him. Now that I just kicked you out, you are vulnerable and desperate and will do as I say, type of sht. I was like, you know what? I really don’t wanna hear it. I mean what was the worst that could happen? Was he gonna kick me out?

Baba, Cindy is not your friend! This should prove to you how much she cares about you! If my husband kicked out my friend, I would go to him and beg him to stop it! I would do whatever it takes to make sure my friend was safe! Cindy doesn’t care! She is still arguing with me. She still won’t listen to me! How can you trust someone like that? Don’t trust her! She is not a friend! You two are supposed to be sisters. She is not your sister. Cindy! Cindy! How can you do this to your friend? You told Baba to move all the way to Utah, now you’re kicking her out! You are kicking Baba out! I was like, this dude done lowst it! Is he kidding me, twisting the whole thing before my very eyes? He is the one who kicked me out, I was there when he told ME to get out of his house, what’s this about Cindy, you’re kicking out BABA? What kinda BS is that? I didn’t even respond to that, I was just staring in my closet in disbelief. I didn’t know whether to start packing, then what? Or should I find a place first, what? What should I do?

Cindy came over, she told me to call the church. She told me they would be more than happy to help me out. They do that kind of stuff for people all the time. I went for a short walk down the street to stay clear of the background noise aka Husband’s yelling.  I called the missionaries and told them what had happened. They were stunned and told me they could find me a place to stay but I had to ask the bishop first. I had met the bishop, he had been to the house once with the missionaries, sweet little man! I reluctantly called him. I mean I would have rather they called him themselves, but ok. He asked me if I had a job. I told him I didn’t. He told me I could VOLUNTEER at the DI (the LDS Thrift store) in exchange for free meals. He would store my stuff in his garage! Uh, reverend! I am calling about a place to stay, not free meals in exchange of eight hours of labour! This is not an opportunity for you to use me as a slave! This is America, I can get a meal for a dollar all over the show. Stay with me here! WTF? He kept repeating himself, I couldn’t even do it anymore, I thanked him for his time and was ready to hang up. He asked me to please keep him updated! What is this? A blog? When someone is going through something, you don’t expect them to think of you, and keep you informed while you’re sitting in the comfort of your own home, getting foot massages in your Bishop’s throne. You call them! Or get your assistant’s assistant to check up on them. Again, what kind of people are these?

I called the Missionaries back, told them what he said, they were like, did you tell them you are looking for a place to stay? Er, Are you out of your freaking mind? Why do you think I called him? Why did I call you? They were like, wooooow, ok Brook, we’ll call you right back. Never called back! I went back to the house, tail between my legs. Cindy had just taken a shower, she was ready to get outta that house. I was hoping she hadn’t forgotten about me. That she wasn’t just gonna leave me there with that man. Lil one went to her father and asked, Pappa, did you kick out Baba? He said, No, I didn’t, your mom did! Haha, you have to laugh at the things that man said and did! Desperate!  Cindy was like, HE did, he is the one who kicked her out, Baba is in her room now, packing. I wasn’t packing. I never packed. She knew I wasn’t. I think she was trying to tell me, don’t just sit there mutha fcker, jump, jump! – Busta Rhymes haha.

She came over and told me, let’s go view apartments. Please don’t take any of this personally, he really is trying to hurt my feelings not yours. Ok Cindy, I won’t take someone kicking me out personally. Not now, not ever! She told me he had finally crossed the line, I was there because of her and she was going to make sure I was fine. She was going to move out and leave him for good. That was the final straw. I didn’t believe him. If I did, I would have asked him not to leave her husband on my account, but I somehow knew it was bs, so I let it slide.  We drove off to the LDS offices. She took me to their employment offices, I didn’t see how that had to do with the price of rice in China but I rolled with it. As long as I wasn’t in that house, I was happy. She waited outside while I talked to the people in the office, they explained how their website worked, I was like thanks so much, I will do this at home. I wasn’t about to spend hours online looking for a job when I had nowhere to sleep that night. Priorities! From there, Cindy sped off onto the freeway. I didn’t know where we were going, I didn’t ask. We stopped at the mall. She took us to Ross. A nice discount store for name brands clothing and shoes. I had been there the day I got stranded halfway home and bought a pair of Nike Sneakers. I had them on that very moment, actually. Might as well be ready to run comfortably! She was like, I wanted to bring you here, they have good stuff here, cheap, cheap! Really? Of all the places you could’ve taken me to today! You’re gonna take me shopping? I bet you she forgot that her husband kicked me out an hour prior.

I told her I had already been there, that’s where I bought the shoes I had on. We didn’t stay after that. We walked around the mall, me super confused as what was going on and what was gonna happen next. Small wonder I didn’t believe her when she told me she was moving out. We went through the food court. Mhhh, the smells, I wanted to buy something to eat, lil one was hungry too. Normally, Cindy serves breakfast around 1pm. I, personally, start off early and finish early, breakfast around 7, lunch around 11 to midday and dinner between four and five pm. So you can imagine how hungry  I was by the time she made breakfast. Good thing I bought groceries too. I never waited for that. I would have cereal in the morning, and consider her breakfast lunch. Anyway, she wouldn’t let me buy something to eat. She said, let’s rather go home, she was going to make breakfast. He breakfast is always scrambled eggs, bacon and bread, tasty, not what I normally eat, which is good, but I was starving.  She wouldn’t even let me buy candy with my own money. We zipped through the mall as fast as we went in. I was like, what the heck did we even come here for? Of course I didn’t ask her that, just went with the flow.

We headed back home. Husband was busy calling the entire time. She never picked up his calls. When we got home, he followed me to the bedroom again, good grief! He told me to disregard what he said earlier, of course I was welcome to stay in his house as long as I wanted. They loved me. I asked him if it’s normal for him to say stuff like that and not mean it. Just so we’re clear, you know? He told me Cindy drives him so nuts that yes, he does have those tendencies. He reiterated though that Cindy was not a true friend blah.

Soon as he walked out, Cindy came in, she suggested I still move out because who knew what he was going to do next. Move where? She told me about homeless shelters in Salt Lake City. I was like, can I stay here until I find a decent place to stay? I really am not feeling a homeless shelter right now. She was like, oh, no, not these! These are amazing! I had a friend who lived in them for two full years, she loved it there! Who invites a friend to stay in their home until they are sorted out and then kicks her out to a homeless shelter? I was beginning to think that Husband was right about her.

I wasn’t gonna move into a shelter, sorry, no way, no how! The following day, I had a meeting with the missionaries, they came over to get me, I thought to myself, do these people have no shame? They never had the courtesy to call me back after that frantic call the previous day, all they care about is shoving their scripture down my throat. Everybody was home when they came for me. The argument was so on, it was so bad, I thought they were going to get at it physically soon as I left. I was glad the missionaries came for me. It was a well needed break. I called before going back home that afternoon, to see if the coast was clear. Cindy didn’t pick up. Things got better when she and husband stopped “talking” again. It was quiet. He wasn’t talking to me either, hadn’t been since he did not kick me out.

Through all the highs and lows of Staying at Cindy’s, we got a call. The facility where her supervisor worked part time, called to see us for an interview. Mine was at 1pm, Cindy’s at 2. We left the house at 1, go figure! She forgot! She thought I said it was at 1:30. She felt so bad when I reminded her that mine was at 1, she backed up so fast, she almost dented the car. Which would have been something considering it’s under her husband’s name and he made sure to tell everybody that. Even though she was paying for it. None of my business.

Get Out Of My House!

We would all looking forward to Husband going to work, at least I know I would. That way they would keep the arguments on text and via the phone as opposed to almost beating each other up, which was much much scarier. One afternoon, while home, he was asleep. Cindy thought it would be the perfect time for her to go through his texts on the Verizon website. She was still trying to find proof that he indeed paid the ex girlfriend for the ear rings. I remember going downstairs to find her engrossed on the computer screen. She told me what she was up to. I had my laptop with me, I was was job hunting and looking for a car online, so I thought I’d do that while chilling with her downstairs. Cindy couldn’t find the texts on the site, so she sought help from the Instant Chat Help service on the website. They were messaging back and forth when suddenly, the person on the other site logged off. I hardly sat down, Cindy was like, OMG, get up! WHAT? I think he’s up! He’s talking on the phone, get up! Leave the room, go go go! Errrrrrr... I didn’t waste anytime, confused as I was, I got up and walked back upstairs. He was on the phone upstairs explaining to someone how nobody else should have access to the account. He is loud, when he does something, anything, he likes for everybody around to know about it. Apparently, he was told at church not to show off when he prays. Cindy says they stopped asking him to pray. That bad! 

I was in the bedroom trying to figure out what had just happened. Turns out, Verizon called Husband. The account is under his name. Everything is under his name. I wish women would learn to have a thing or two under their names too in a marriage, relationship or just in general. If you’re paying for some of the bills, why are they not on your name?  Should push come to shove, you will never be able to prove you were the one paying for those bills if they were not under your name. Being in a committed relationship is cute and all but don’t let that mess with your logic! When I overheard Husband talking to someone about the account, it was with Verizon, he didn’t want Cindy having access to the account they are both paying for. None of my business. You could see the fear in Cindy’s eyes when she heard his voice. He went back to sleep. More tension was brewing in the house. You know they fought about that later on via text. He slept in lil one’s room, she, in the main bedroom. It had been that way since I moved in. Again, none of my business. I did hear husband say something along the lines of, Cindy didn’t do any of those things until I moved in. I must be one who influenced her. She doesn’t know the first thing about computers, I must have taught her how to manoeuvre it. I hate to burst your bubble boo, but not guilty! Not this time around! He once told me that when they first got married, he would leave for work and leave Cindy at home with lil one. Cindy wouldn’t move an inch, he would return after three days to find her right at home, where he left her. Later on, Cindy told me, she would leave the car in the garage, cos she know he marked where he left it, walk out the front door, take the bus and go to the casino, almost an hour away to have a good time! Or to the mall, or wherever and pretend she never left. So him assuming that I am an influence to his wife, please!

He left for work that night, he was usually gone for two to three nights. Cindy works 12 hour shifts, 6am-6pm a few days a week, alternate weekends off. The kid was with grandma most of the time, she was taking care of her. She turned 4 while I was there. The kid, not grandma haha J. That was another issue. Husband wanted lil one to start school. Cindy, wait for it..... kept forgetting to enquire about that! I just love how forgetful Cindy is. She forgets the very things regular people don’t forget. She needs to forget stuff like, whether or not her husband paid that woman for the ear rings, or pay that woman her money herself and then forget that she did, and move on. Just saying! Needless to say, the kid was still playing with grandma, born in America, talking with an African accent because she only hung around grandma who is African and us at home, all Africans. It was interesting to watch.

By the way, Word just crashed, I lost this document for a split second and was freaking out cos that would mean retyping everything, not a big fan of reruns! Thank goodness for Autorecovery!

Husband would come to me and be like, what do you think about Lil one not going to school at her age? She needs to learn to socialise with kids her age etc, he made valid points but my hands were tied. Cindy’s solution would be something along the lines of, or maybe you (me) can drop the kid off and pick her up from school. Uhm, what happens when I get a job? You need to discuss your stuff with your husband and come up with a solution together that doesn’t include a random person who is crashing in your spare bedroom looking for a job, dying to get the heck out of your unbelievably clean house! Come on now, even you can do better than that!

Husband got back home, he leaves for work at night, tenish, and comes home in the mornings. He got home, I heard them exchange words, then the argument became more and more heated. I was just like, you know what! Can’t deal! I was in my room, wishing I had an exit door straight from my room to the outside world. No such luck, Brook. Be grateful for a roof over your head. Which I was. Cindy was bathing the lil one when husband got home. She went back to the bathroom, husband was downstairs in the kitchen, they were still arguing! Words were flying from one room, through the staircase, to the next. Goodness me! On my way to get some drinking water (American think, they don’t just say water, they be like drinking water) in the kitchen, Cindy said something to me in Xhosa. I wish people would stop that, it’s uncomfortable! When there is someone around who doesn’t speak the language, let’s all communicate in a language we all understand! No matter, how ‘broken’ you think your English is, they will appreciate it. It’s common courtesy. I got to the kitchen, husband was like, what did my wife just say to you? I was like, you want me to tell YOU what she said to ME?  He was like, yes, what did she just say? I told him, that’s between she and I. Or you can go ask her what she said. He went, I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Judge Judy

Everybody was home when I arrived from my long walk to freedom. One of my sisters had just emailed that we should Skype looking forward to that. Soon as I walked in, Cindy asked me to make breakfast for everybody. I took my laptop to the kitchen, set it on the counter and skyped while I made branch. Husband was in his office working on the computer, his mom was around too. Cindy was upstairs cleaning. There was tension at home, I felt it as soon as I walked in. Glad I had the skype appointment, the last thing I needed was to walk into another dramatic situation right out of another one.

Grandma was busy in the garage sorting out stuff. She has stuff stored in Cindy’s garage. Later on, Husband took grandma to her place and went to bed. He was working that night. Cindy and I went downstairs to chill. We watched the murder shows and caught up. She and husband had an argument. They almost always argue when grandma is around or about grandma. Husband left for work that night.

I had been looking for work online the entire time. There is a shopping centre not too far from Cindy’s house, I dropped my resume there as well. One day, I got a call from a recruitment agency. Husband was off, he took me for the interview. I filled out a ton of forms and got the job. It was a Friday afternoon, I was to start the following Monday. I looked up directions to the place, it was going to take me three hours there, one way. I called them and turned the offer down. In as much as I was desperately looking for a job, I had to be practical. I wasn’t going to spend six hours on the road to do an eight hour job. I had to come up with a story as to what happened to the job to Cindy. I wasn’t going to tell her that I decided to turn down the job offer and was going to rather stay at her house and sponge off them a little longer. Even though that was not the intention, it probably would have come across that way to her.

On her off days, she took me to nursing homes to apply for work. A lot of these jobs require you to have a car. Even though they won’t need you to drive anywhere. It’s just a thing. Whenever we Cindy would take me to these places, she would also apply. Which automatically reduced my chances of getting the job by 50 % or even less because she has a car and way more experience. She had told me over and over again that she likes it where she works and has no intention of leaving, but she wouldn’t stop applying when I did. I didn’t get that!

Her supervisor has a second job in another nursing home, he referred her there, apparently they were hiring. We went and applied there. They gave us application forms which we took home. She had her friend submit them for us. Which I hope he did, I was willing to take them back myself by bus, bus she insisted. I didn’t want to be stubborn.

One afternoon, we were at the mall, almost an hour away from their house. Some of the stores had notes on the door that they were hiring, Cindy was like, why don’t you go try your luck over there. Uhm because if it’s an hour away by car, it’s going to be two to three hours by bus! I did. One of them, a perfume store, they told me to take the application back in person the following Monday when the boss would be in. That Monday, I was home alone, I took public transportation to the mall and submitted my resume (cv). They wouldn’t let me see the boss, even though that was the deal. Waste of my precious time, if you ask me, but whatevz. They told me  I would hear back from them.

On my way out, I saw massage chairs, a dollar for 3 minutes, I did 15 mins. Then took the last train out. I use google maps as my gps. I was meant to take a connecting bus halfway home. I got off the train and it was dark out! I ran towards the bus stop. A kind gentleman asked if I was waiting for the bus. I was. He told me that there were no more buses that time of the night. I was screwed. My Cellphone battery was dying. I got a text from Cindy asking where I was. I texted back and the phone died just before the text sent. Everybody had their own keys to the house, husband, Cindy and myself, so that wasn’t an issue. I didn’t have a curfew as far as I was concerned, so I was good. Not great, cos I was still stranded, but good.

I went to the nearest building, it was like a live in facility for veterans blah blah blah. That’s not why I was there J. I asked the receptionist for help charging my phone. He didn’t have a charger for my kind of phone. Crap! He was happy to let me use his phone to make a phone call, only thing is, I didn’t know Cindy’s number by heart. I had it on email cos I remember my sister emailed to me. I asked him if I could use his phone to access my emails. He did. Thank goodness for small favors! I couldn’t find the number.

He told me I didn’t live that far from where I was, I could walk. Yeah sure, if it wasn’t 9pm! Plus I wasn’t familiar with the area. I couldn’t call or ask anybody if I got lost, it wasn’t worth it. I was about to call a cab when he found a charger that fit my phone. I charged my phone, switched it on and found a whole lot of missed calls and texts from Cindy. That put me under more pressure than I already was. I didn’t know what she wanted from me so desperately. Apparently she was pissed at me because She was stuck outside the house and not able to get in. I don’t know what that had do with me. She wanted to know where I was. I told her, she was like, I’m on my way, I’ll come get you. Imagine if I had picked up lil one, we would be freezing outside now. I thought you would be home by now blah! I gave her the address. She drove around in circles, couldn’t find me, wasn’t picking up my calls nor responding to my texts. Twenty or so minutes later, I got hold of her. She was at home! I was like, I thought you were on your way here! She was like, I did come there, I didn’t see you. What’s the address. Great, I have to give her directions again, she had them on her whatsapp. This is not some random, hard to find place, especially not for somebody who has lived in the area for years. I was at the train station, right by the apartments she likes, she lived in that vicinity before.

Anyway, I went and stood outside waiting for her. She shot by fast, I was like omg, there she is again. I was walking on egg shells at that point because I didn’t get why she was in a bad mood. I hadn’t seen that side of hers before. I tried calling to tell her I was across the street, to wait for me, even though I knew she was going to have to come my way again to head towards the house. She didn’t pick up. Fck! Eventually, she saw me. I mean I was the only person in the streets in all of Utah after all. I got on the car and apologised profusely. No idea what about. I just wanted to clear the air.

I told her where I had been hoping she wouldn’t be mad anymore. I asked how her day was. She told me that she and her husband are having another one of those arguments. Aaaahhh, that’s why she was so pissed! She had forgotten her key at home. I think he took hers and she was supposed to take his, blah blah blah. She ended up taking the wrong keys with her. When she got home, she couldn’t get in. She couldn’t even get in via the garage because of blah blah blah. Hot mess. We hung out in the kitchen and she poured her heart out to me. She told me things about the relationship that were straight out of movie-type things. All kinds of abuse, arrests, homelessness, it was bad.

She was ready to get out of the marriage but she had her reasons why she wanted to stick it out a little longer. I have never been married, so I don’t know what it feels like in her shoes. From an outsider’s angle, I thought, the sooner, the better. I wasn’t gonna tell her what to do about her marriage and her life though. They were still texting back and forth, saying things to each other that shouldn’t be said. I told her to just switch off her phone because the longer she engaged in the argument, the more upset she was going to be. I felt so sorry for her. She was all alone, nobody else knows about the things that go on in her marriage, the family back home doesn’t even know where he is from, they don’t know the first thing about him. I told her that’s one of the things that is working against her. She needed to tell someone. She is alone in this country and he know it. Should anything happen to her, the family wouldn’t even know where to start investigating. God forbid!

We went to sleep in our respective rooms. Husband was out of town, working. I overheard her arguing him over the phone through the night. She hardly slept that night. I guess my advice about switching off the phone fell on deaf ears. The argument went on for days until husband came back home. They were still texting back and forth, even though they were both home. They hardly talked to each other. Nice people, both nice to me and the kid and everybody else but I hardly heard them talk to each other.

One day, while Cindy was at work, husband was like, do you notice that my wife never even says hi to me when she comes home from work? I was like, eh, uhm, er. Trying not to get involved. One Afternoon, they all came to my room and were like, “ok, Baba, you be the judge. My wife works with my ex, the woman who destroyed my life. She knows that woman hates her and yet she went and took ear rings from her on credit, she forgot to pay this woman. When the woman asked for the payment. My wife returned the ear rings. It was too late! The woman won’t take the ear rings back, she wants her money. My wife doesn’t want to pay her. I told my wife that she has to pay her, they had a deal. I told her over and over again not to have anything to do with this woman, but she never listens. I told her that if she doesn’t pay the woman, I will pay her myself, but the woman will get her payment! Am I right, Baba?” It was Cindy’s turn to speak. She told me how the woman was selling ear rings from Africa, she didn’t want to buy them but the Mexicans were making fun of her, she thought as a fellow black person, she is going to have her back and take ear rings from her, even if she is going to return them later. She forgot (you know Cindy, she’s very forgetful).” She didn’t want the ear rings and she hates the woman, she doesn’t want to support her business but she had to have her back in front of other races. Cindy refused to pay the woman. The woman wouldn’t take the ear rings back. This was after a month or so. I had to decide who was right or wrong. Why me L

Cindy was upset that her upset went behind her back and paid the woman, husband said he didn’t pay the woman. Cindy said the woman sent her a text saying Cindy’s husband had paid her. There was no way of proving who was lying between Husband and the Woman. Cindy was pissed that the husband didn’t have her back in this regard. I was just sitting them watching the back and forth of it all, wishing I could hide under a rock. Husband was talking over Cindy, Cindy was talking over husband. The lil one was yelling at the top of her voice. It was quite something!

Eventually, husband blamed me for taking Cindy’s side and was like what was he thinking asking me to be unbiased anyway, blah blah blah, and walked away, simply because I asked him to let Cindy finish talking and not talk over her because she had let him finish when it was his turn. Childish, if you ask me. 

The arguments didn’t stop there, they went on and on and on for days and weeks. While husband was at work, Cindy would tell me how she wants to put cameras around the house and film some of their arguments to use as evidence, just in case. I told her that was illegal but why not start with just the Cellphone recorder. That’s not gonna be as in your face putting cameras all over the house and getting busted. Do you know what she did? One day, in their heated arguments, she took out the phone, right in front of him and put it in between them and kept arguing. LMAO. Needless to say, he saw that and went berserk!

Gossip Girl

When I got home from the date, Lil one wanted to know if the guy with blue eyes was my boyfriend. I was like, nope, just a friend.

The missionaries kept coming to the house to teach me about the church and the book and all that. They are fun girls, I actually looked forward to spending time with them. There was going to be a baptism in one of the churches, they invited me to tag along. I was like sure, let’s do it! They picked me up. Well, they got a ride with someone from church, a nice, young girl, their age group. We drove for about thirty minutes to where the baptism was. Teary eyes, testimonies, blah blah blah, then food, then home. They always made an appointment to meet again at the end of every meeting with them, which totally beats showing up unannounced.

There was going to be some kind of a conference service, called Stake something. All the congregations in that neighbourhood (stake) were going to have one service in one of the bigger churches. Someone was going to give me a ride to church. I told them I would be totally fine. I could either walk, take the bus or a cab. They insisted. I didn’t know who was going to pick me up yet. I got all ready and heard a knock on the door. EXCUSE ME, MORMON, EVER HEARD OF A DOOR BELL? Why won’t these people ever use the door bell? I am passionate about this because here I am in someone’s house, the husband works shifts, and is trying to sleep because he is a truck driver, it’s not like he can catch a nap later on while working. When he is sleeping, we keep the noise levels down, then these Mormons rock up and bang the door. Not cool man, not cool at all!

It was Sr Rose, fck! Hi Sr Rose, thanks so much for the ride, how you doing? Hugs, blah blah blah! I didn’t know what to say to her in the care, she didn’t say anything either. Another awkward moment with the momons. We found parking space, she walked me all the way to the front in church, were her entire family, except the daughter with the boobs, was sitting. Awesome. I have to face that man again! Her husband. I sat between Rose and her youngest daughter with autism, she was busy on her iPad the entire time, she doens’t bother anybody, nobody bothers her, and Rose. Husband was sitting against the wall. He did suggest they all take me to the park that afternoon after church. Like I wanted to spend another moment with them, laughing and playing, oh heyll naw! I did agree though, because isn’t that what you do?

I had to go and ask how her daughter is doing, the other daughter, RD. It literally slipped out my mouth! ‘She’s fine, she’s fine! Did you like her?’ Really Rose? That’s the route you choose to go? Did I like her? Is that a normal question? Especially about a daughter you know fully well is unlikeable? I was like, well, uhm, ehm, err....

She looked me deep in the eye for what seemed like forever. I didn’t know what to do or say. Church soon began. I couldn’t focus. I was busy having a delayed reaction about the way her daughter had acted the previous Sunday at church. I was getting really pissed off. Her question about whether I liked her daughter made me fume more than I thought I could about that situation. I thought I had let it go! I was made at the entire religion at that point. I excused myself and went to the restroom, she offered to come with me! What? Are you kidding me? Am I back in Georgia, I know how to walk to a toilet, thank you very much! AKA leave me the fck alone, I am trying to take a breather from you people! She insisted, I insisted. She asked that I leave my handbag behind, I refused. That gave me an idea. Maybe I should go home! Her suspecting that I was leaving gave me an idea to leave, isn’t that ironic? I went to the restroom, texted back and forth with my niece, we both agreed, screw these people. I don’t need this. I left!

In Utah, Sundays are dedicated to church, the prophet, the book and all that is LDS. There are no buses operating. I was on such a high, I walked home. I didn’t care if anybody saw that I was leaving, I was done! D.O.N.E! I was on the phone and walking at my own pace, it was hot outside, I didn’t care. Ten minutes from the house, a man in a bicycle rode past me, slowed down and went, in a very creepy voice, ‘want a ride?’ It was Rose’s husband! Don’t ask me why he was on a bicycle and not with the rest of the family in the car. A few minutes later, Rose showed up. She stopped the car, got off and walked towards me. Then started tearing up! The fck is up with these people! Why are they so emotional?

Brook, I’m so sorry!

WHAT FOR?

You left!

I KNOW

I’m sorry!

FOR WHAT?

That you left!

I’M THE ONE WHO LEFT, MAYBE I AM THE ONE WHO SHOULD APOLOGISE, WHY ARE YOU APOLOGISING FOR MY LEAVING?

If there’s anything I did to upset you, that cause you to leave.

WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS YOU?

Because after I talked to you, you left

PLEASE DON’T APOLOGISE IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE APOLOGISING FOR. I GOTTA GO

Can I offer you a ride

NAH, THANKS, I’M GOOD.

You know what pissed me so off about the whole thing is that I have a feeling she has an idea that her daughter and I didn’t get along quite well and yet we are tiptoeing around that. I hate that. So if we’re not gonna talk about that, leave me alone, let me walk the rest of the distance home. I had already walked for fifty minutes, another ten minutes was nothing really. She wanted to hug me, I was just like, I gotta go. I mean, why are we hugging? What’s going on? What exactly are we doing here?

I kinda brought up RD to the missionaries, on our next meeting. I just asked them what kind of person she is. They were like, oh yeah, we are so sorry we were not there that day, seems like we missed out. Everybody is talking about how you brought a guy to church and everything. Uhm, like and...what? They wouldn’t go into detail but they wanted me to. I told them, it’s cool, I don’t wanna be the girl who spread rumours. Water under the bridge. I did hope never to see that girl ever again though.

My Second First Date in Utah

Saturday Afternoon, I received  a call from Dan. We confirmed our Sunday, church date. I texted Sr Rose’s daughter to inform her that I wouldn’t need her to pick me up or meet me halfway before church because my friend was going to pick me up. Rose’s daughter is a student at one of the universities, she was visiting for the weekend otherwise she lives elsewhere. She has also been abroad on an LDS Mission.

Sunday morning came, I got ready and cute, waited for Dan, he was running a bit late. I heard a loud bang on the main door. It was him, the door bell is right by the door and he has my number. He couldn’t be normal and ring the door bell or call or text to say he was outside, he had to wake everybody up in the entire county of Salt Lake! I rushed downstairs, God forbid he becomes impatient and knocks again! When I opened the door, I was gobsmacked, dude is cuuuute! Sp much cuter in person. I couldn’t get over his eyes! Blue as blue can be!

We arrived at church, I was still interested in seeing how a church date was going to pan out. It didn’t help that we walked in late, the new girl and a random dude. Anyway, we sat next to each other. Somewhere along the line, it was time to testify, everybody was all teary eyed, I was thinking to myself, Lord, don’t let this man cry on this already strange date, I couldn’t stand it! He didn’t! Thank you stars! But he did get up unannounced and went to testify in front God, the church, Prophet Joseph Smith (that’s the main man of LDS, kinda like Jesus but not quite, they also believe in Christ), and the book! You have to say you believe in the book (of mormon). You know, I was sitting there thinking to myself, what am I doing here? Why am I in this church I know nothing about with this man, who randomly gets up and testifies. This is all new to me! I went with it though. Dan made some jokes, people were laughing. Hey, I’ll take that over crying anyday!

After church, he told me there would be meetings. He wanted us to go to all the meetings. Really? What is this? When are we gonna go on the date date? I had nothing against the whole church thing, just that if you tell me we are going on a date, I expect that at some point, we will get to spend time together, just you and I getting to know each other. Anyway, Rose’s Daughter (RD) came by, introduced herself (and her boobs, they came to play that day too!) to Dan and asked if I was ready to go to bible study. Dan was like, sure, let’s go! I needed to use the restroom (loo), so I asked her to direct me. Dan was like, we’ll come with you. They walked ahead of me, while I followed behind like a loyal dog, feeling ever so awkward. She was telling him about herself, everything there is to know. Mind you, these people don’t know each other!

I quickly went into the restroom, when I got back, she was like, yeah, I have a group in my neighbourhood of foreign whatever, blah blah blah, he was interested in attending, and seeing what it’s all about, they exchanged numbers. I was just like, this is too weird for my fcking liking, I’m ready to go home. Fck these people! I couldn’t show it though, it was me against the mormons. I had to be polite! She took us to this tiny room, where he father was waiting for us. As if the day couldn’t get any more awkward, her father is the bible study teacher. Awesome! Who all was in there, RD, her father, Dan and I. That’s it! Dan is very good at breaking the ice and just all round socialising. We were all talking and laughing, then it was the time to officially start. They asked him to open up with prayer. You know, where I come from, they would never ask a stranger to open up with prayer, it’s kinda like putting someone on the spot. Good thing he didn’t mind. He mentioned everybody by name and added, ‘and Brook’, when he said that, RD burst out laughing. I hoped I imagined that.

At the end of our hour long session, they asked yours truly to close in prayer. I was just like, this is just fantasticle, I’m supposed to be on a date, now I have to prove to this man that I can pray too, already! On our first date! #Mormonism. I did! There was going to be another meeting afterwards. Relief society. Don’t ask me relief from what. Walking to our respective rooms, women had their own thing and men had heirs, so Dan and I were going to split up. They were walking side by side again, I was running right behind them trying to catch up. They are both very tall. He asked her why she laughed when he said my name during his prayer. I thought to myself, glad I didn’t make that up in my head! She was like, ‘well, it’s how you said it. You could tell it was an after thought. That she’s like not important’ yeah! She said that! With me right behind her! The fck was that all about? I knew that girl was trouble, in fact, that entire family is weird. He was like, you know that’s not true, why would you say something like that? She was giggling and flirting, it would have been cute if it weren’t pathetic and fcking annoying.

I had to sit next to her in Relief society, not in the fcking mood, bro! But I did. She was looking at my shoes the entire time, I was thinking, I know they cute btch, what? What? Haha J They handed out hymn books, she got one, I didn’t. She took it upon herself to go, ‘does everybody have a hymn book? If not, it’s nobody’s fault you were sleeping’. I kept asking myself, why am I here again? They were like, oh Brook doesn’t have one, will you share with her? She said, sure! She didn’t, I didn’t give a fck, I didn’t give a fck about her, her family, the church, the prophet, the book, the golden plates, I could care less about any of that, I wanted the hell outta there. I felt like I was the new girl at school and she was bullying me, only I was never that girl at school and she’s like ten years younger than me. And we’re at church. She did ask me how I know Dan and how long we have known each other for. My answer was vague because it’s none of her business. Clearly she didn’t care about anything that may be going on between Dan and I.

After relief, which was an ironic name for something that was definitely not a relief, the only relieving thing about that was the ending. Dan came to get me. He had collected phone numbers from just about any and everybody in that church. RD offered me a ride, I was like, nah, I’m good, Dan has a car. Dan took me to my place, I wanted to get a sweater. It had cooled down out. Cindy’s husband was home, cooking. Of course, Dan was all chatty with husband, asking for the recipe of the meat cocktail husband was making, husband was about ready to invite him over for dinner. I was like, I’m ready, let’s go. I mean, let’s get this date thing over and done with, this is not a popularity contest!

He suggested we just hang out at the house instead. Uhm, whose house? You can’t just suggest to hang out at someone else’s house. This person is not even your friend, that’s weird. Come on now! I said, nah, I would rather we go out! The lil one was already all over him, they were having a cute conversation, it was nice to watch, she invited him over to her bedroom. He was like, in future don’t ever invite strangers to your bedroom, ok? It’s not safe. Which is true! I tell you there’s something about those blue eyes of Dan’s that make you wanna take him to your bedroom. Even a 3 yr old fell for him!

He told me that as a mormon, they don’t spend money on Sunday, so we were just gonna go to the park. Ok then cheapskate, let’s go to the park. Whatever, use your religion to your advantage and see if girls don’t see past that. He parked the car, we went for a walk and talked. It was really nice, he was flirtatious and touchy, we spent two to three hours at the park, then I was like you can take me home now. I didn’t want us to run out of things to say. I doubt we would have because we are both talkers, but just in case. He dropped me off and told me he would call when he got home. He texted me, and thanked me for my time, proposed we meet again and I never heard from him again.

Mormonism

Cindy and the lil one were waiting for me in the living room as I got home from the date with Paul. They wanted to hear all about it. I wasn't too comfortable talking about men in front of a three year old but who am I to depict how people should do things in their homes? When you don't have kids, you have to watch what you say to and about kids around their parents otherwise they will remind you that you don't have kids.

I may have told you that around every street corner in Utah, is a Mormon Church or LDS (from the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint). Cindy and her husband are non active LDS members. She told me to join the church. My brother, who lives in Cape Town, South Africa is a mormon too.  Only other mormon I know, actually. Anyway, I was like, I'm in Utah, might as well do as the Utahans do, so first Sunday, I was there! The service was an hour long then I saw people leaving, so  I did too. When I got home, Cindy was like, oh, you're back? Uhm here, the church is out! No, it isn't, they have meetings after church. Those meetings are supposed to last for like the rest of the afternoon. I was like, this is gonna be fun, from not going to church at all to spending all day there! Quite an adjustment. More like a chore but ok, we'll give it a try.

She told me to call the church and ask that they show me around next time I'm there. See, I like to do my own thing, without people breathing over my neck, otherwise I get suffocated. I wanted to just go to church, stay if I want or don't if I don't feel like it. Cindy took over being my church guide and as soon as she did, I almost didn't feel like doing it anymore, plus if she's so passionate about church, how come she no longer goes?

The following Sunday, I made the short walk up the road to church. There were no cars in the parking lot  and the doors were locked. What? What kind of a church is this? I was raised catholic, my uncle A.Z. Brook was the Bishop of the Catholic Church, Umtata Diocese for the longest time. May his soul R.I.P. So I literally grew up in church. He was like a father to me, my own father passed on in 1988. They actually passed away on the same date and date, Monday, September the 5th. One in 1988 and the other in 2011. Anyway as far as I know the church doors are never locked, at least not in the day time, or is it me?

I went back home almost relieved that I didn't have to spend all day in there. Cindy was like, wha' happe'? (Madea's voice) I told her the place was locked. She told me they probably had a conference, she forgot to tell me about it. She is very forgetful, that Cindy! That afternoon, I sent an email via the LDS website with my mobile number and all that. I wanted to make an appointment with someone or something. I hardly hit the send button and there was a knock on the door. It was the Missionaries! The heyl! Two very lovely ladies in skirts with backpacks, had just got off their bicycles to see me. I was like, well, hi guys, I thought you would call to make an appointment. They told me how eager they are to do the work that as soon as they saw my address, they didn't bother to read the rest of the email, they were on the road.

I told them, well, here's the thing, this is not my place, I am crashing at a friend's place and would appreciate it if you wouldn't do this again. We sat and talked about everything, we got along like a house on fire. Cool people. One from California and the other from Washington State. We had an appointment for Wednesday, which was going to be my birthday, I agreed to meet them in the morning. April 10th. please make a mental note :)

Cindy was very pleased to hear about all that. She seems to be a proud member of the LDS. Only, actions speak louder, so.

I had been talking to a man online, we'll call him Dan. Dan had an interesting profile, at least to me. He was the my type so to speak, works in IT, (as a closeted geek myself, I'm into geeks), has traveled intensively, been to such places as Asia and Eastern Europe, he is tall, 6'2 (188cm almost 2metres), has long-ish hair, blue eyes, the works, he had me at hello! We exchanged emails, he sent me more pictures of his cute self. He is LDS, no surprises there. We are in Utah after all. He wanted to meet up one evening at 9. Inasmuch as I wanted to, I thought it was too late to meet someone you 'met' online, don't you? Especially for the first time. I had already done all my research on him. I always do that. I know I am a serial dater but I try my best to do a background check on everybody I am going to meet up with. That doesn't mean nothing will ever happen to me, but I try to cover my s as much as possible. He has a blog and is a published children's book writer, an athlete and all round intelligent dude who passed top of his class.

Wednesday came, I didn't have huge plans, I had only been in Salt Lake city for a couple of weeks. It was a beautiful, sunny day and for a change, they didn't leave the kid at home with me. Since I had moved in, they stopped dropping the lil one off at grandma's, who they were paying for daycare, they decided to just leave her at home with Baba (aka me) without actually discussing it with me. I don't mean to be a diva but if we agreed I should move in with you to I can look for a job, I kinda need to be out there looking for a job not babysit your kid who is busy kicking me out of your house every change she gets.

We spent an hour with the Missionaries, they were surprised that I knew basic bible stuff like Adam and Eve and St Peter And St John, you know stuff that everybody knows? I was like, these people'd better not come kid here, Ain't nobody got time for that! Soon as they left,I was out the door. I bought cake ingredients. My birthday is a week after Cindy's. Hers is on April 4th. I gave her a massage for her birthday after which she said the most famous, most annoying last lines; I should really go for a massage! Why do people do that? After I give them an amazing, free massage, they then wanna book for a paid massage with someone else, hellooooo, I'm a massage therapist! You wanna pay for a massage, even though I just gave you a free one, pay me! Book me!

I baked red velvet cake for my birthday. They all came home later that evening. We went to an African store to Husband's friend. He played some Brenda Fassie music, lil one and I danced to our heart's contents. My sis called to wish me a happy birthday. I went outside to take the call, lil one wouldn't leave me alone, I'm just like, can you get the child, I have to take this? It's like you're the nanny, if she's not with you, who do you want to take care of her! Ugh, anyway, she overheard part of the conversation and went back and told everybody it was my birthday. it was after 7pm already by then. They were like, oohhhh man, why didn't you remind us? We forgot! Uhm, let me think, why didn't I remind you? Oh yeah, because I'm not four! I'm not gonna force people to sing for me on my birthday. Plus it's not a big deal, people's priorities are different.

I asked Cindy what she thought of Dan wanting to meet up at 9pm, if she didn't think it was too late. She was like, go for it! I didn't. First, he wanted me to meet him at his place. I refused. Then he wanted us to meet halfway between his and mine. I told him I wasn't driving. Even if I were, I wouldn't have gone for that cheap tactic! Was he kidding me? I've never heard of such a thing! He told me he was going to be available on Sunday, he had just gotten a new job. He had only got back to the States a couple of weeks prior from abroad. I agreed to meet him on Sunday. He asked if I would mind going to church with him. Ah hem, say what nah? I was like, yeah, sure, of course! As you may guess, there's one up the road from me Why don't we go to the one in my neighborhood? She agreed. The plan was, he was going to pick me up from my place and go to church with me. I had been on a lot of dates, but that was a first!

A few days before Sunday, After Wednesday, the Missionaries took me to Temple Square. That's where there's the LDS Temple and a few other LDS buildings. You must realise the LDS owns Utah. They discovered this state way back when, when they were being kicked out of other states because they were believed to be a cult. That's my understanding of how the story went. Anyway, They own hospitals, schools, apartment blocks, malls, and just about everything in Utah. They couldn't take me to Temple Square on bicycles so they asked somebody from the church to take us. Sister Rose offered. She was nice to do that, but that's the thing about mormons, they will do anything for the church and the book (Book of Mormon, who's watched the movie, by the way? I feel like I should for the sake of Utah). We had a nice time at Temple Square, all the mormons be crying while we watched the videos about families and Christ and all that. With all due respect but I have never met a more emotional group of people in my life! Those people cry every Sunday at church, at all the meetings, I'm talking about men, women, children, the whole lot! Mine were the only dry eyes everywhere I went with them.

They introduced me to Missionaries from Asia and whoever else we met at Temple Square. After that, they took me home. Sr Rose took me to her house to meet her family. I had no choice, we were already on our way to her house when she told me about it. We went upstairs to the bedroom where everybody was, awkward! There they were, the father, three grown kids, playing TV games and watching TV. I shook everybody's hands, the father didn't even look me in the eye when we were introduced. The oldest daughter and  her cleavage were very nice. I mention the cleavage because Mormons are very conservative, it was refreshing to see that kind of dress code in a Mormon household. Rose asked her daughter to pick me up on Sunday and walk with me to church. We exchanged numbers. I was ready to get the h out of that house. I couldn't even take it anymore. I didn't need to be walked to a church I had already been so many time too. I felt like I was in Georgia all over again, where they never ever leave you alone!

As Sr Rose dropped me off, she invited me to dinner with that cold and uninviting family of hers. I politely declined. Plus i wasn't hungry. I wasn't gonna be hungry for years and years to come. At least to her :)

My First First Date in Utah

I had the date with Paul my second day in Utah. He worked half a day that day, so it worked out just fine. We met that afternoon after work. I was going to take the bus and meet him somewhere in public, Cindy told me to let him pick me up at the house. Lil one was home. I didn't want her exposed to all that. Plus, chances were very high nothing was going to come out of Paul and I. Cindy seemed eager to see Paul, so I was like, well alright! I'll have him pick me up here, which he did! I was still tired from the trip but I tried. I had a black dress on and not so high high heels on. I was the last one to see him. Cindy and the lil one were in the living room, peaking through the winders already #embarrassing. "Baba, is that your boyfriend, Baba?', asked Lil one. I was like, nope, he's not! #awkward

Paul got out of the car, oh my! He shook my hand and opened the door up for me. The smoke of cigarette! In all of my days, I had never smelt such an intense smell of cigarette in a closed space like that. And that for somebody who used to work in a bar and owned one before too! Yeah, my brother and I owned a bar aka tavern when we were teenagers, he had to quit drinking for us to make it work though, which he did. Story for another day!

He took me to a nice Mexican restaurant called Red Iguana. Apparently, it's so good, people come from all over the country to eat there. The food was divine! I had a little bit. and took the rest home. I didn't mean to do a Mae but I wasn't hungry. He sat across from me, his nose was running, the eyes are constantly tearing up, I think that's just his thing though, it had nothing to do with the spice in the food because, he was tearing up even when he picked me up, the mouth is watering, it was a hot mess of floods all over his face. I was ready to get outta there from the get go! It was packed too! He took his time and finished his food. While I was thinking of things to talk about. It was like pulling teeth. Nothing in common at all. That, by far, made my top three most awkward dates. And you know me, I go on a lot of first dates! The most awkward was with a man who used to message my sister online in Johannesburg. I finally agreed to meet up with him. He had been buying me juice for my phone (airtime) for months, I felt obliged to go out with him. Another story for another day!

Apparently, Paul knows the owner of the Iguana, in fact, everybody there knows him. They kept coming to say hi at the table. Really awkward, him and his teary eyes and running nose and all round wet face and me with my youth and my red lipstick. I did my best to channel the not a prostitute in me. I doubt that worked though. On our way out, the boss came in, he took me over to her and introduced me, Lawdy!

From the restaurant, he asked if I wanted to go anywhere in particular. I wish guys would plan the date before hand and not ask girls where they wanna go on a first date. What if I wanted to go to Vegas? You know! Anyway, He told me about a new mall in Salt Lake City, less than five years old, one of the most expensive malls in the country. Then he took me to the mall. Later on, when I got back home, I found out that's not the mall he told me about. He decided to take me to a small shopping centre and not to the one he was telling me about as we were driving to the mall. Anyway, I had a nice time there, besides all the times he was trying to hold my hand and  I kept keeping my hand occupied by either scratching where it wasn't itching or just fidgeting, anything not to hold hand with Paul. They have a Victoria's Secret store, right there in your face. I couldn't not go in, so I went! The last VS Store I went to was the first one I went to in Sand Diego with Perry. Paul was still trying to hold hands in the store, I was just like, oh heeeeyyyylll naw! As if it's not weird enough that I'm in here with you! I'm sure he needed a cigarette the entire time haha! Or a sniff in his car, which smelt stronger than one cigarette.

From the mall, he took me for a spin around Salt Lake City. It was very nice of him. Apparently, he was enjoying my company. Even though he hardly ever said anything the entire time we were together. I had to come up with things to talk about. He took me all the way to the Salt Lake, it's a huge lake, it reminded me of the salt dams or whatever as you enter Port Elizabeth from Grahamstown Direction. He took me home, thereafter. He dropped me in front of the house and gave me a hug. I made sure my mouth was as far away as possible. Just in case.

We exchanged a few texts thereafter but nothing could come of it. He was too serious on text but really had nothing to say to me in person and we had nothing in common. You can't be that old and have nothing to say. Tell me about your past, your life, your experiences, something, anything!

Meet the family

Missing my flight after having so much fun with Dan in Phoenix put a damper on things. I went to the American Airlines Desk and they got me a seat for that night. The following flight had been cancelled, so I had to wait another three hours. I wasn't going to ask Dan to come pick me up again, so I sat it out. I called Cindy, feeling like such a loser and told her I missed my flight. Instead of pm, picking me up around 7pm, she had to pick me up around 11. She seemed fine with it. Which was great, cos If she weren't able to for some reason, I would've felt worse. I opened up my laptop and chatted away on Facebook and with some guys online.

I had a date lined up with Paul, an older man who lived alone 5/6 years after his divorce. He was from Salt Lake City, Utah. He offered to pick me up from the airport. I politely declined. Time flew and before I knew it, it was time to board. I set next to a lady and a gentleman. Dude seemed like an intelligent type guy, the lady was either flirting with the guy or she has a very flirtatious vibe about her. I had to listen to them talk the entire flight. She was sitting right next to me, and him against the wall. I don't know if they knew each other or what but she was asking him all kinds of questions about himself, work, kids, divorce et al. I couldn't deal. I just wanted to get there already.

Well, get there, we did! As scheduled. Cindy left the house as soon as I called. African time? Don't know? Normally your ride will be there waiting for you when your flight lands. Anyway, she was doing me a favour, not her fault I got delayed. I had never met her. I only know her sister, who is my sister's friend of more than ten year. She brought her 3 year old daughter with her.

The car was spick and span! There was even shoe shine on the floor. I don't know if it was for the tires or somebody's shoe. When I commented on the cleanliness of the car, Cindy told me it was actually dirty and due for a wash. I thought to myself, Gosh, I hope I hope she is not a neat freak.

The house was even cleaner than the car. First, she took off the shoes she had on in the car and left them just  outside the entrance, she put on house shoes, I was about to take off my sweaty, smelly boots that I had warn hiking earlier on but she told me I was fine. Awkward. How are my shoes fine and yours not? But I went with it. It's a beautiful house! black and red living room, which looks very similar to ZS's. Remember her? My friend I crashed with in Fourways before moving to the US? Upstairs, there's another living room, beige couches, a very clean dining room, with a huge, spotless glass table and the kitchen, then up another floor is the bathroom and the three doors. I got my own bedroom (yippee!), she and her husband have their own and the lil one has her own too. Well, she owns the entire house. She did kick me out of "my" bedroom more often that not, there's no lock on my door, so the kid would just budge in whenever she felt like it to do whatever. Fun Times!

The husband works as a long distance truck driver, so he was away a few days a week. Nice guy, very friendly, likes to joke around, just wants everybody happy and to get along. He cooks too, He's from West Africa, so if you have any Nigerian friends, and have seen their cooking, it's similar. He, however isn't Nigerian. he wasn't home the night of my arrival, but he did call and extended his welcome to their home. Cindy was off my first two days there, which was great. I was so hungry when I arrived, she offered me a delicious stew and rice. It reminded me so much of my aunt's chicken. She's a good cook, my aunt, she will actually do an episode of my sister, Pumla Brook-Thomae's show,  Spekko Family Table on Bay TV in the greater Nelson Mandela Metropole. Check it out and if you're into food and all that, you can add her on Facebook, she's a cook and an actress. Her exclassmates are Colin Moss, Winnie, the lady who plays Khethiwe on Generations and the lady who played mamfundisi on Generations way back when, Vathiswa Ndara, she was also on Society and Home Affairs (I wish they had given the role of Winnie Mandela to her instead of my girl, Jennifer Hudson). Pumla did a few commercials, Shoprite, Spar to name a couple and a documentary on M-Net. Nuff about that, we had a mini conversation while I was having dinner, then was showed to my bedroom which had everything brand spanking new in it! From the bedding to the curtains, the whole nine yards! The lil one made sure to tell me too, that they went to Khol's to buy all that for me that afternoon.

I took a shower in the spotless bathroom, spring cleaned it after (and then felt like I needed another shower) and wend to bed. Soon it was morning. Cindy was up early, cleaning. I heard the sound of a bucket of water being dragged on the floor. She was using a washcloth too! Not a mop and definitely not any of these modern day cleaning utensils, which I personally prefer, because they make my life easy. I was like gosh, which means that's what I will have to do too. Because when in Rome...! She did the entire house. The house has hardwood floors, then the lounge on the ground floor (first) partly has carpeting. I'm talking about washing the floors, polish, dusting, cleaning the glass tables, everything! The house was clean to begin with! I was like, wow! Anyway, that was an everyday thing, sometimes she would spring clean morning and night. She won't sit down to eat before she has washed all the dishes she used to dish up (or out, American English:)). Even though we are going to do the dishes after eating.

I unpacked, lil one was right there, talking up a storm. She is definitely not a shy kid! Plus, she just lets herself into my room, there's nothing you can do about it. It doesn't matter if you're decent or not, she's coming in. Cindy took me for a tour of the city, at least just to show me the important things like bus stops, train stations, stores and that. Salt Lake is so much bigger than I had anticipated! It's beautiful and clean! There's a Mormon church every corner you turn. It definitely is the Mormon capital of the world.

We spent the rest of the afternoon chilling at home, watching the ID channel (Investigation Docu, I think). It's mainly about people killing their spouses. It's thrilling! At least to Cindy and to myself :)

Husband came home the following day. When he's home, you know! You can hear him! Not a bad thing, just a thing. I enjoyed his vibe! He's friendly. He came to my room and officially welcomed me to their home and told me to feel at home. Well, at home we don't spring clean the house three times a day, but I see what you're saying!

Cindy went to work the following day, of course, I got up and spring cleaned. I wasn't going to be that person who lives in people's homes and doesn't respect them. You just have to go with the flow!

She left the kid home that day instead of grandma (husband's mom). Husband was home. He took me to a flee market. We had a nice time with the kid. He was telling me, well, about his entire life really. how much he loves his wife, how he bought the house, the cars, he has a huge Toyota Truck and Cindy drives a Chrysler van. He told me almost anything whenever we were alone, up to his plans for himself should the wife leave him. I would be like, dude, seriously, you really don't have to tell me all things! First and foremost, I'm Cindy's friend and my loyalty is with her. You can't tell me stuff like this. It puts me in a very weird position. He insisted that if I am friends with his wife, I am his friend too. Well, friends or not, you need to respect my wishes, if I don't want to hear something, you can't rape my attention and force it down my throat! Pun intend.

From Ontario to Utah via Phoenix

Later that morning, Mae came back home, she cooked one of her lunches. think, tons of mixed vegetables and macaroni all in one big pot, add salt, done! Nobody eats those though, they always end up in the garbage bin.

The second time, she had told me I didn't have to pay rent, never mind, that's what she told me the first time as well. Anyway, she told me to just buy myself food. I am not sure what caused the change of mind. Anyway, I just went with it. I made sure I had money for rent just in case, she changed her mind again. I don't believe in free lunches.

I got a call from my fried from Ontario that afternoon, she picked me up, we went over to her house, chilled. Always  a fun time with her. She always has a ton of stuff going on in her life, boyfriend, and all. She's originally from Colombia, South America; gorgeous girl. She took me home that evening. Mae was like, tell me about that b!tch, what happened, I didn't trust her from the get go. I thought to myself, is that why you went out of the room to take her cool about me that day and talked to her for thirty minutes? By gones!

Cindy and I talked more and more often. Her lifestyle is very different to anyone I've met here (even though I hadn't met her haha), she's is married, has a kid and a job. Very stable.

Two days back in Ontario, I got an email from Dave, It went something along the lines of, FYI I washed my phone, I will be getting a new one tomorrow. I thought to myself, Apology accepted for standing me up! FYI? Really? My response = k.
He messaged me back, I knew you were not interested in me, that's why you went quiet and blah blah blah. I was like, you asked me out again, I accepted, got ready, waited and you were a no show. How do you deduce from that that I am not interested? Needless to say none of that happened. He was right, I wasn't interested. He has a rotten tooth somewhere in the back which I blame for his breath stinking so much. I'm glad he didn't try to kiss me that night. Plus he creeped me out with his random deep stares and awkward silences. He rambled on and on, I tell ya, I have never met such petty men, people in my life! It's like there's no difference between dealing with a twenty something year old and a fifty or sixty year old. It's exhausting! #ICan't

Cindy invited me to move to Utah, live with her and her family, apparently there are lots of jobs over there. I stood a great chance of landing one. Of course I accepted! Anything to get out of there! I was ready for change. And a job! I went there as soon as she said I could be there! I got my ticket, my bags were already packed, I lived out of my suitcase at Mae's. I didn't tell her about the move right away. I had to move in a few weeks and anything can happen in that space of time. I waited until I had everything finalised, the address and all that, and a ticket. Her mood suddenly brightened up! She was so nice to me from that day on.

She would buy me lunches and donuts and all kinds of things. I think she was ready to have her room back, poor thing. But you know what, no matter the reason, at least, she was being nice! I'll take that any day! Of course, she told the entire town! We would go to the mall to hang out, window shop the entire afternoon and she would insist on buying lunch, I would too, and we'd end up going Dutch simply because, we don't have that kind of coolness, where we buy each other lunches. Why all of a sudden are you treating me so much? Nah, thanks, I'll pass.

The day drew nearer and nearer. We spent more and more time with my friend, she literally is my only friend in all of Southern California, so I treasure her. She invited me over for breakfast one morning. She cooked, it was great! My last night in California, we went out for Mexican, I treated. She was also my date on Valentines haha, we were like we'll be darned not to go out on Valentines! So we went out to a Mexican restaurant. It was nice! We even dressed up :)

I was over the moon to be going to Utah, not because I have always loved the state blah blah blah, no. On the contrary! I always imagined it to be a very village like state. Change is what was exciting to me.

I had been talking to Dan, the entire time. My sister's old online flame. They never got to meet. He lives in Phoenix, Arizona. My itinerary was Ontario to Phoenix, three hours layover in Phoenix and then from there to Salt Lake City. I told him about it. He had always told me I should go visit. When he found out I was going to be in Phoenix for three hours, he said he would meet up with me. Which was even more exciting. I wasn't going to get bored at the airport. The longest I have ever been at the airport, bored out of my mind was Istanbul, Turkey. Seven hours or so. In fact, that wasn't the longest, Heathrow, London, on my way from South Africa to the US, that was long, about eight hours but I wasn't bored. All Virgin Atlantic flights were delayed, so The airport was packed. If you have been following my blog for a while you will remember that story!


Mae promised to drop me off at the airport, she also told me her house is my home. I am humbled by that. The fact that she took in me, a stranger, let me share her bed with her, and still took me in after that Chinese experience, and was still nice to me, in fact, nicer! I haven't had a lot of that in this country, I must say. I appreciate her for that. Forget all the other things in between, she was there for me when it counted. My flight was early, nine am. It wasn't easy to say goodbye to her. Especially since we had gotten so much closer after she found out I was leaving. I remember her finally having a revelation that I was funny and I do not bad impersonations. I thought to myself, I have always been this way, it's just that you didn't give me a chance, it was always all about you and the fact that you got yourself this little person who was going to listen to your stories and your rambles. All good though.

She dropped me off at the drop off zone, I dragged my bags into the airport. I really should get rid of some, well, more like a lot of my stuff so I can travel light for a change. So far, it hasn't happened. That's why I won't buy furniture! Imagine having to move around so much with a ton of furniture! I was really early, more than an hour. I checked in and took advantage of the free wifi. I watched the rest of the bachelor, Shaun's season. And real housewives of somewhere or other. I was so excited, I literally was on cloud nine!

I had on my heaviest outfit to save space, you know how it it! I had on these knee high suede boots with rubber soles, and a velvet or whatever that material is called, tracksuit. It wasn't warm, just ok, so I could get away with it. And I heard that it was already called in Salt Lake City. An hour and a half later, we arrived in Phoenix! Phoenix is in the desert, IT.IS.HOT! I didn't take that into consideration I guess. Dan was there within minutes of my arrival. It was nice to meet him. What a pleasant guy. I don't think him and my sister would have hit it off though. Just Saying. He told me to take a few pictures of the two of us and send them to my sister to prove to her that he really does exist. You know, seeing as they met online and never really met met? I was like, come on, you guys talked over the phone for more than a year!

He took me for a spin around Phoenix. Big, Beautiful city! Very clean too. We went for lunch at a Jamaican Restaurant. We sat at a table for two, so we were seated across from each other. The restaurant was also part supermarket, very eclectic! I liked the setup. Dan was telling me about himself, his dating experience and how he hasn't had s3x in more than ten years and has no intention to until he gets married. I literally could feel the other patron's eyes on us. I was like, For goodness Sake, Dan! People will think I'm begging you for s3x, lower your voice! It was all in good fun though. We pretended we were on our first date. He has a girlfriend, South African girl from Thembisa, who when he went to see her for the first time (they met online), took him to her church; Zion. He was like, tell me about that religion.

After lunch, we drove around some more. Then he showed me the mountains where he normally hikes. We parked and went for a stroll. It was scorching hot out! The stroll turned into a hike. I was like, uhm, what are we doing? Where are we going? ARE WE HIKING? In the middle of the day while I'm on a layover, dressed as warm as I am in this weather? He was like well, we have to do something! I was like, with all due respect, Dan, I am not going to go on a hike, sweat up a storm and then go on a plane and sit next to people! I will not be that guy. Nobody likes that guy! Even though he didn't get my point, he just went along. We headed back for the airport. I was still on time.

I waited for them to announce check-in. I heard a few announcements about the flight to Salt Lake City, soon after that people formed a line, so I stood in line. I kept looking at the clock, it was time to leave and the gates were still not open. That's when I went to the guy and asked if there were delays. They told me my flight was about to depart, they had changed gates, that's what that announcement I missed was! I got a ride from those car things in the airport? The guy rushed me to the other end of the huge Sky Harbour Airport! We got there 15 minutes before departure. The gates had closed. I had missed my flight.

The Date

The entire time Dave was putting my stuff in the truck, Mrs was standing outside watching. I don't know if she was trying to intimidate us or what. Don't care.

Dave Drove off. I couldn't believe I was out of that hellhole! #ReleasedFromPrison
It was a beautiful day out, I can't believe I was freezing my hinds off in that newer, bigger house of Madam's. Free at last! Dave didn't seem very talkative. We talked about basic staff as we headed for Ontario. He suggested we dropped off my stuff at his place, go on our date, pick up the stuff, then head for Mae's. Of course, I had already talked to Mae the day before and she told me to go back, I never would have made her that kind of a surprise. I was like, so we just met and you're already taking me home? He was like, I won't make you do anything you don't want to do! #FamousLastWords. Puke! I wish guys would stop saying that. It's not cool nor smooth. Anyway, we went to Dave's place because he also wanted me to see his house.

It's right by the main road. It's a workshop. There are about six of them in the yard, they fix all kinds of stuff there. Some people were working on cars, some doing carpentry, you name it! Dave fixes Computers and builds guitars from scratch. Very impressive, actually. He had already given me his website, I had seen some of his work. To see them in person, at his place, very cute! His place is very cosy, actually. A one bedroom with washer and dryer, a shower and anything he needs really. He was starting over since the divorce. I don't judge. I have enough of my mess. He had done his workshop up really good. Oh and he had  a few motorcycles in there as well which added to the cool factor. When I got in, I got why he wanted me to see his place. It was cool, and different.

He dropped my stuff off, then we went to Claremont, a burb of or near Ontario. Cool place! Very eclectic! Restaurants, bars and all that. It reminded me of Melville, Joburg and if you know me, you know of my love affair with Melville! He took me to his favourite Record store. We window shopped there for what seemed like forever. Walked up and down the street, then off to his fave restaurant. Unfortunately the line was way too long. Dave is almost too quiet. I would make jokes just to break the silence, you know, good ole fashioned That's what she said jokes? He caught on and when I tripped and said, "ouch!" he went, "nobody every said that to me!" I mean.........! I still don't know if that was a joke or a fact!

We drove off to another one of his fave restaurants. Some family owned place that has been around for more than forty years. They had a long line outside there as well, but we had to eat, so we waited. He told me that their servings are huge. He usually only orders half a serving and even that, he cannot finish. When someone tells you that, it's hard to go ahead and order a full serving, especially when they are paying. So of course, I ordered half a serving too. #Cheapness
We had spaghetti and meatballs. It was absolutely delish!



When they brought our food, I literally went, OMG it's huge! (the serving), he was like, "nobody ever said that to me either!" with totally a straight face! Dude was sitting across from me, the table wasn't that big, I didn't know what to say, how to react, where to look. I was just like, hahahaahha. I mean, awkward! Why are you telling me you have a small p*nis? I don't need to know that, not tonight, not ever! There was a long pause where we were both looking into each other's eyes. Oh maybe it wasn't that long, it just seemed that way?

After a few spoon fulls and a series of awkward moments, we left. We picked up my stuff from his place and he dropped me off at Mae's. The dogs were all in the house, they were barking endlessly, everybody was in bed, Mae wasn't there. It was hectic. I felt bad waking up people at 8pm. I had told
Mae what time to expect me, she was cool with it. Thing is, she wasn't home! I did the walk of shame to the bedroom, fortunately she hadn't locked it. She locks it whenever she's not in there. Even if she's hanging out in the living room. I called to tell her I was there, she couldn't talk, she was at her boyfriend's.

All in all, it was a nice day. Dave asked to see me the following day. There was going to be a biking event in Long Beach. He asked if I wanted to go with him there. That sounded exciting! But I had a feeling I'd never see him again. I accepted. The following morning I chatted with my niece on Whatsapp. She asked what my plans for the day were, I told her nothing. I mentioned in passing that that guy had asked to take me out. I told her I didn't think the date was gonna happen so I was sleeping in. She was like, so you're not gonna get ready because of a feeling? Er, yeah!
No word from Dave all day that day!