24 Hours on Craig's List (more online dating)

“Single South African lady looking for love”  or something to that effect, I posted a picture or 3. As soon as I hit SUBMIT, the responses came flying in! I’d never seen anything like it! I got a message from, let’s call him Isra, an Israeli Guy who lived about 30 minutes from me.  Sent from my iPad was at the footer of his email. He included a photo of himself DANCING IN THE STREET WITH A WOMAN IN A RED DRESS! He had a hat on. I saw more the woman than him. I had to ask him for another picture. He soon sent it, he was in a garden of some sort, his feet were covered in plastic bags, he was with someone in the second picture as well, this time a man. They both were carrying their shoes. Clearly Isra didn’t take that many pictures by himself.  We emailed back and forth, for about an hour. He then told me  he was on his way to drop his son off at his ex-wife’s, we exchanged numbers. We arranged to meet up on his way back.

Frozen Green Tea, Never leave home without it

Crap! I had to freshen up! It was so hot, you cannot even imagine! I took a shower, fixed myself up. I couldn’t believe I was to meet someone I only started talking to in... what? Two hours? I was up for it. It was bored as heck. He called when he arrived at the Shoprite Parking lot. My pick up spot. He picked me up in his silver Toyota Prius. He asked where I wanted to eat, I wanted to go somewhere I hadn’t been yet, which wasn’t going to be that hard considering I was new around. We went over to a steak house. Our waiter, a middle aged man either had a crush on me, or I was revealing too much cleavage. He was dropping dishes, acting so nervous, I was embarrassed for him. Even Isra noticed. I had steak and fries. I enjoyed it. He had salad, and I can’t remember else. We were there for about an hour. Conversation was flowing smoothly. He told me about Israel, his life there, and here. He had been here for ten years and married that long too. He was newly divorced.

     

I suggested he dropped me home, before we ran out of things to talk about. We were the only people at the restaurant. He dropped me off and gave me a kiss on the cheek when I hugged him. He texted to thank me and to arrange date number two when he got home. I agreed. I thought he was a decent guy; different from anyone I’d ever dated. There’s something about him that intimidated me, just a little bit. I don’t know if it was the fact that he seemed richer than anyone I’ve ever dated. I was up for the challenge! We agreed to meet Monday night.

No word from him Monday all day, nor Sunday! I thought that was interesting, but ok. N, the roommate was home Monday night, I told her about Isra, she told me to text him a hello or something, so I did. He was apparently on his way to a meeting in New York, he promised to call me thereafter. I had a feeling he wasn’t serious and didn’t deserve anymore of my time. I was ready to go to sleep when he called around ten. He was only then on his way back from New York, we talked for about two hours. That’s how long the drive is from the city to Connecticut. He even talked to N for a bit, N lived in Israel for a few years. The actual number of years she lived there varies, depending who she is talking to, so whatever.

As soon as he got home, he just went, “ok, bye” and hung up. Uhm, what’s wrong with this picture? He had asked to take me out Wednesday. Tuesday, he texted me. I asked where we’re going to go, he said it was up to me, but it was going to be very late, so I had to choose wisely. I didn’t know what he meant by that. There I was trying to be all cute, telling him I had just the place in mind. In my mind, I was thinking of going somewhere by the beach. He asked me if I wanted to go to a hotel. I was like, er nope! Why? He said because that’s what your ad said! That you are looking for a f*ck buddy! Uhm, NO IT DID NOT! I wasn’t going to waste my precious time explaining my ad to that guy, I told him, sorry, he’s not what I was looking for. He told me I am a nice girl but we started off on the wrong foot, it would be weird if we tried going out as a couple.  I still think he is either married or lives with someone from the way, he hung up that night and how he only talked on the phone when he was on the road, never at home, he only texted or emailed when home.

     

One of the first guys to respond to my ad was Sam, he was Hispanic, he lived 30 minutes away from me, he worked as a carpenter Mon-Fri, was free Weekends, had his own car, lived with parents, his younger brother who in turn lived with his girlfriend. Very nice guy! He sent me a picture of himself with an NY  cap on, sitting on the floor behind a table. He would send me really long messages, that gave me an impression he was serious. I appreciated that. We chatted for a few days, before exchanging numbers. For some reason, he didn’t have enough money on his phone and had to call me only when home from his house phone. He was a nice guy.

  

WE agreed to meet the following Friday. WE probably started talking Sunday before that Friday. As we got closer to the meeting day, he got nervous, he went, ‘oh yeah, something  I forgot to talk to you about! How tall are you?’ I was like, well, average height, 5’3-5’4 (163cm). He said, ok good cos uhm, I’m kinda short, at least you won’t be that much taller than me. Ai ai ai, what am I going to do with this situation now! Ugh! I had to be nice, we were on the phone! I kept as straight a face as one can keep on the phone. I knew there and then it was going to be one of those Nicole Kidman / Tom Cruise Cases. I was going to have to wear flats on our date. A first for me! He said he was 5’2 (160cm).

I asked for a full lengthy picture, partly because he had seen mine and because I wanted to see how short he was. I knew in my heart of hearts I was never going to be Sam’s girl, but I had to find out how embarrassed I was going to be out with this person. No offense to shorter people, I am considered short myself, especially here. That’s not even why I wasn’t interested in him, he was just not the guy for me. He was 32 and had never been in a relationship. He had dated here and there, but never anything serious. Plus, I  want someone independent, not a 32 year old guy who still lives with his parents, his siblings and a sibling’s girlfriend. With all due respect to all those who prefer to live with their families.

   

He took a full length picture of himself while at work especially for me. Which was sweet. This was the day before our date. Too late to cancel, well, I wasn’t going to cancel because he seemed like a nice person, we could always be friends.

   

Friday came, he picked me up at the Shoprite Parking lot (yeah you guessed it) around 5pm. It had got a little cooler. His car was spick and span. He ran toward my side to shake my hand and open the door for me. He looked better in person, lookswise, but is really very short. He ran back towards his side and got us going. He played music off his phone, he somehow connected it to the car, so the sound was great. We drove for about an hour to the restaurant;  TGIF. Cool name! I was excited. Oh and I had my flats on. I must say, it’s rather comfortable to be on a date in flats. Very different.

WE found parking space, it was packed! He jumped out of the car, ran around toward my side to let me out. Then ran back to his to lock. We went in, suddenly I felt self conscious. Out of character for me, trust me, I have been on ‘dates’ with men twice my age. Men who did things on dates! WE found a nice table. They brought us out starters; tacos and sauce. He seemed nervous, he was sweating. You could tell he had showered but his hands still had a little bit of oil on them, especially around the nails. At least they were short. Which is more I can say about some of the guys I’ve gone out with. He dipped into the sauce, and double dipped eeewwwww! First of all, the fact that we ate from the same dish was already an issue with me. I don’t know this man, why am I eating from the same dish as he? And the double dipping? What’s next? Is he going to spoon feed me? God forbid! The waitress came around to take our order. He ordered FOR BOTH OF US! Uhm, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I choose my own dinner? He caught me so off guard, I automatically went, ‘oh, you’ve already decided what I’m gonna have?’. He went, ever so nonchalantly, yeah, yeah hehehehe. Awkward moment for the waitress. She left, he seemed to have thought about it for a second, and went, ‘unless you wanted to order something different. Let me call her, ok, I’ll get her to come back’. No! No! No! It’s ok! I just assumed, I was going to make my own choice of dinner, it’s very thoughtful of you to order for me. You’ve been here before I’m sure you know what’s good. I didn’t mean it a word of that!

     

He ate and ate and ate, my appetite was ruined by the double dipping from earlier and the fact that he ordered for me. If you want me to lose interest in something, anything at all, take away my freedom of choice. This does not only apply to food. It could be something I like, if you force it down my throat, I stop liking it.I tasted here and there and took the rest home. I was tired and sleepy by the time we left the restaurant, more than anything else, I was bored and ready to go back to the apartment. He suggested we went and saw a movie. I told him, I would probably fall asleep. He insisted. Then he asked me what types of movies I was into AGAIN. I told him AGAIN. He asked if I had seen Batman: the dark night (again). I (again) told him no, and I am not into those kinds of movies. He said, “I’ve seen it. It was great! I’d see it again with you if you wanted to see it. But because you’re so sleepy, we’ll watch a comedy, that should keep you awake.” Deal! Aaaaand yawn.

    

The movie theatre was another 20 to 30 minutes from the restaurant. He burped all the way there. Bleh! We arrived at the parking lot, he told me to stay in the car, he was going to get us tickets, then come and get me. It would have saved us time to but the tickets together seeing as the next show was about to begin. He ran in and came out with two tickets for....... BATMAN; THE DARK NIGHT RISES! How many times did  I tell this man, I DID NOT WANT to watch this movie? Dear Lord! He was so excited, the show was about to begin, let’s run, he bounced over to my side to open the door for me. By now, I was so over it. There was something about him opening the door for me, that was super annoying.

                  

The movie theatre was freezing. Sam had a sweater on, I didn’t. It was the hottest summer I’ve ever experienced, I wasn’t about to walk around with a sweater (jersey). At some point, he let me use his sweater which was another ew moment, seeing as he was sweating so much earlier. And it was way too small to even wrap around my shoulders. He was enjoying his movie, I fell asleep within the first minutes. I remember waking up to him trying to quietly put his arm around my shoulder to ‘warm me up’. Awkward. This dude better not try to kiss me!

What seemed like ten hours later, the movie was finally over! Whew! I felt bad that I fell asleep through the whole thing. He could have just let me sleep in the car while he watched his movie for the second time on our first date. He wanted to show me around his neighbourhood, I really wanted to go home by then, I was dying! He took me home. He did that thing of running (more like bouncing) to my side to open the door for me. I hugged him quickly, to make sure, he didn’t gain access to my lips. From the way he was looking deep into my eyes, I could tell he wanted more than a hug. I got a kiss in the cheek and ran into the apartment. He texted me when he got home to thank me and to ask if we could meet again soon.

Two Dates in Two Days

July 2012

My Interracial Site Profile Picture

My sister suggested I join an interracial dating site. I thought it was a fantastic idea and clicked away. The first man to contact me was an 82 year old man who lived in an assisted living facility (old age home). First a “flirt” then an email with his contact number. I emailed back. He had a long list of questions  for me; How long have you been in the country? Are you single? Would you like to stay in the country? Do you have a job?  Green card?  20 Questions anybody? I was like, the heck is up with this old man? Does he work for immigrations? FBI?  Also, it’s not like I had any intentions of dating a man that lived in a nursing home, nah thanks, I’m good.

No activity on the site for a while. Probably because I didn’t log on for a while, I was busy with more pressing issues. One day, I got an email from, let’s call him AR. Just a one-liner. I read his profile before responding. His header read: Text don’t call! I thought that was rather suspicious. He asked for my number, I gave it to him. WE talked for an hour. He seemed like an ok guy, he looked like what could have been a cross between Asian and Caucasian (white). He told me he was of Irish descent. He lived in Atlanta, Georgia and wanted me to move in with him. He made me write down a long list of places he was going to take me to like The Martin Luther King Museum, Disneyland and the Coca cola Museum.  His brother’s an Award Winning Broadway Actor who lives in Manhattan. He said he would introduce me to his brother , maybe he could help me with the whole acting thing.

I spotted this on the way back from one of my dates. Check out the hips!

I was overwhelmed. I don’t like it when people, especially who I haven’t even met, promise me the world. SSSllloowww Downnnn! He was on his way to New York, he told me if he knew a beautiful woman like me would give him the time of day, he would have gone via Connecticut and meet up with me. Well, that ain’t gonna happen now, will it? His profile states that he’s separated; RED FLAG! To me, that’s code for happily married but want to mess around on the side. Anyway, he was on his way to his father’s birthday in the East Coast, he texted me a few pictures of himself with his family at the party. Which was nice of him. I remember telling T about that guy and her telling me he seems serious, he might just have me move in with me in Georgia, that way I wouldn’t have to worry about looking for a place today OR a job for that matter. She was more enthusiastic about the guy than I was. I guess it’s the whole glass half full/half empty theory.

I didn’t hear from AR for a good two to three weeks when he texted me out of the blue. By the way, I did try to call him in the three  weeks of silence, he didn’t pick up, but texted me, hey what’s up? Which is another red flag, why couldn’t you pick up when I called Mr I’m Separated? Of course I didn’t say anything to him. This time, he texted me about how he was going to be in New York for the weekend. He wanted to take me out to dinner. I accepted but then raised the issue of transportation. How would I get back to Connecticut that late at night? He told me he had booked a nice hotel in the city, I could share the room with him. I told him I would’ve felt much more comfortable heading back to CT (Connecticut). I proposed lunch instead. He tried to entice me, telling me how fancy the hotel was and I would’ve really enjoyed it plus he thought I liked him. I told him it was not personal, but I would have felt much safer meeting a man from the internet in person in public and day light.  No response. That’s the last I heard from him. I guess I can forget about sightseeing in ATL.

Moving right along! I signed up on more dating sites. I got an email from a guy who lived 20 minutes or so from me, from one of the sites. It so happened that I didn’t even have a picture up on that site. Guy, who we shall call OC asked for my number. I obliged. He texted me, we played the texting game for a few days, I went over to T’s that Thursday, I remember he sent me pictures of his chest, which wasn’t much to write home about, but ok!  Of course I didn’t return the favour. I happen to know that MY chest IS much to write home about, ok? :P

I was hoping he wouldn’t send [pictures of his down-thereness. he didn’t. Yet. He wanted to see me the next day, which was Friday. Good because T was going to drop me home that day. He told me  bit about himself, he had an 11 year old son whom he lived with, he was divorced, a Football coach at a school and worked at Stop And Shop (pronounced Stap and shap for all my South African Friends. Trust me, if you say it any other way, the Americans don’t understand what in the world you’re talking about).  His work was in my neighbourhood, kinda.

T and I did our routine stuff Friday morning, we had lunch at the Chinese Buffet place, I know, I know, even though I was going on a date thereafter? Well, just as well! You’ll soon find out! He was to pick me up at the Shoprite Parking lot (yep, Shoprite is an international brand). He got there while I was still at the restaurant, T had to rush me home. I still had to freshen up. We went to the apartment, I freshened up, lipsticked it up, heels and we were out the door. She was nice enough to drop me at Shoprite. I introduced the two of them. I remember T was like, he’s cute! I was like, I know, he did look off-ish in his pictures. It was a bit of a relief. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, it was kinda like the blind date scenario. By the way I had to ask him to call me before we met. Otherwise, we never would have talked on the phone, he was happy to just text.

This is what OC's car looks like

I hopped on his car, it was hot, a Dodge Truck, automatic panty dropper, if you ask me! I had mentioned that I love the beach, so we headed over there. It was July, summer, hot! WE found a bench in the park where we sat and got to know each other more. No this is not euphemism for something else! Get your mind out of the gutter J. In all the dates I’ve been to, the guys always took me to eat or for drinks first or it would end there. Never had I been on a date where there was no breaking of bread so to speak. First time for everything, right? Right! We sat and talked until I was so thirsty. There as a live performance at the park, but it wasn’t that loud. I told him I was thirsty, I was ready to buy myself something to drink. WE went to a random store, there was no life in there, they sold everything from clothing to stationery and had a fridge by the front line. No, I am not talking about Walmart or Target or anything like that, this was random.  He got a coke, I grabbed a water (That’s me being American, A water!). 

We went walking along the beach, my idea. I love walking on the sand, it’s very soothing for the feet. I took off my heels, he carried them for me, we walked and talked some more. He told me about how his ex wife cheated on him, and his girlfriend and this person and the other. He seemed like a nice genuine guy who was looking for love. He told me about his son.  And how he fought for him, his mom, the works. Eventually, I told him I was ready for him to drop me off. I was talked out. No offence but there was just something off about the whole thing. Plus I was getting hungry. He took me to Shoprite parking where he dropped me off. He gave me a peck on the lips and drove off. I didn’t know how I felt about him. I went back to the apartment, took a shower, and chilled.

He sent me texts and told me how much he enjoyed out time together, meeting me, and how he missed me, and was tempted to come back and see me. We had a date scheduled for the next morning. I told him to rather wait until the next day. He picked me up bright and early and took me to a flea market not too far from where I lived. It started raining as we got out of the car. He had on what seemed like brand new sneakers, white socks, very short shorts with a hole or two and a greyish t-shirt, with tons of holes. He looked clean, he had even shaved but I am not sure about his get up! 

The Hat OC Bought me

WE ran under the shelter of the market and walked around. He has his favourite stalls, he bought a few Pirated DVD’s, a Superman school bag for his son and wanted to buy me Stripper Sandals. You know the very high high clear glassy platform sandals? Yup, those! I prayed they wouldn’t fit. Not that I have anything against them but I knew that if I let him buy them for me, I would have to wear them for him. They were more for him. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving! They didn’t fit! Yay! They didn’t have anything out of the ordinary at the market, it looked more like a giant Chinese Store. He really wanted to buy me something. I opted for nail polish. From how he was dressed, he didn’t look like he could afford to buy me anything. I would have rather he bought himself an outfit. Oh and he bought me a hat!

We ran back to the car. From there, he took me out for breakfast, thank gosh! It was a nice restaurant where he had  very interesting choice of meal: toast, bananas, caramel something and I don’t know what else. I had an omelette.

The Omelette, Those finely chopped thingies are Fries. Neat huh?

He had told me he wanted to spend all day with me, I was looking forward to it. I didn’t really have plans for the weekend or any other day for that matter. At breakfast, he wouldn’t stop looking at his cell phone! T had won a gift from some store and had asked me to collect it for her. The store was on our way back to the apartment, so I ask OC to take me there.

T's prize

From the store, he was like, what are you doing this afternoon.  I thought to myself, I should be asking you! He told me he was going to drop me off, he missed his son. He had to check on him. He would call me later, we could meet up if I was up for it. Uhm, what’s wrong with this picture. I said sure!

The Nail Polishes (is that a word?)

He dropped me off and tried to stuff his tongue down my throat. He got aroused in the process. I don’t know if he wanted us to do it right there in the car or what? What do I know! He left, I went upstairs to the apartment very confused. A couple of hours later, he texted. I miss you, you’re so attractive, blah blah blah. He later sent me pictures of his down-thereness. Great! The text got racier and racier. I couldn’t take it anymore, I told him I had to go. He had said he wanted to meet during the week after work, didn’t happen. I didn’t care. 

Cut to October, four months late. I was looking to buy a car. He knows a thing or six about cars and one of his friend’s dad owns  a chain car place. He had told me he would help should I need a car. I decided to take him up on his offer. I texted him. He was like who’s this? I’ve a feeling he was trying to spite me, but I didn’t care. I reminded him who I was. He said I know just the place but, you know what? I would never help you, you broke my heart. You used me. WHATTTTT? I used you? How? What are you talking about? He said, please don’t ever contact me again. I didn’t even respond to that, I was too tired, I went straight to bed. A few days later, he texted me, 'Brook I feel in love with you and you broke my heart, I still love you, please talk to me.' It was around 10 pm he asked what I was up to, I told him I was at work in New Jersey, tired and it was bedtime. He said he would text the next day. He texted me the next day around 10 pm again, hey what’s up? I ignored it and replied the next day. He did the same thing the next night around 11pm. I ignored him again.

Prostitute Much?

July 2012

Tuesday morning came. I was at the clinic bright and early. I was out in 2 hours or less. Amongst the tests I needed, was the TB Test. How they do it here is, they inject your arm with a jelly like substance. It’s clear in colour. You have to be back for results in 2 days or so. The Substance itches like nobody’s business. It will swell a bit, you don’t want it to swell too much because that’s how they check their results. The measure the most swollen part of your arm. It will look like a mosquito bite that went wrong. Very wrong! The swelling should be less than 10 millimetres for you to pass the test, 10 mm or more and you’ve failed. I think you then have to take TB medication for a while and redo the test in six months. I stand corrected.

I had to go somewhere else for results. Great! Just what I needed, another trip to New Haven to try and find yet another clinic. They gave me the map and phone number. I was up early that morning, I took the 7 o’clock bus to New Haven, a connection and was there before they even opened. By the Way, Americans don’t understand they way we pronounce Water. The second Clinic was on At Water Street. Nobody in the bus could understand where I said I was going, I had to twang it up and say it the American way UUuhhhhh!!! A’wat’r!

I prayed a never ending prayer as they got the ruler and were about to measure my swelling up. It was 9mm, 1 mm and I would have had to go though the entire process again. Hallelujah! It was a good day! They even faxed the results for me to the recruiting agency. I left with a huge smile on my face! Back to the library, job hunting time!

It must have been that afternoon or the next day when I got a call from T while I was in the library. I quickly stepped out to take the call. She didn’t sound happy. What now! She told me she had bad news. N had called her again and asked when I was going to move out. Oh no, not again! I tell you through all these eviction notices, I was more worried about T than myself. The fact that  I was putting her through all that stress. I quickly went on to couch surfing to see if anyone would have a couch for me. I was so stressed out. I was hoping to find a couch where I could crash for a few days, even if I would be back at T’s but just to be out for a bit. Night time came, no response from Couch surfing. After 9pm, I got a call from a guy  who sounded Indian, he told me he was home alone that night and was willing to let me crash on his couch. I told him I didn’t have transport, I asked if I could spend the weekend, he told me he would get back to me the next morning. Another one called not around 11pm to tell me exactly the same story AND he also sounded Indian. They were both students, there are a lot of Asians near I lived, which was right across the street from a university.

N never came home that night. I wasn’t really relieved because I didn’t know if and when she was going to be back. Here I was thinking we were cool, she and I. And yet I kept getting these messages that she didn’t want me there. Gees! I talked to T the next day and advised her about couch surfing, she seemed excited about that idea. That made me nervous. I called both guys the next day, they both didn’t pick up. I texted them, one responded that his roommates were back and he no longer had space for me.

There’s a man that lived downstairs, Let’s call him G. He was N’s friend. N was always trying to set him up. T told me she tried to set him up with her too. I met the guy while at the apartment, N brought him in to introduce us to each other. He was uhm, tall. That’s it! He is Ghanaian, and has been in the US for 2-3 years. Apparently he was ready to get married and was looking for his future wife. Sorry, not interested! Anyway, he wanted to take us out for dinner. N was expecting a “friend” from the internet. She asked G if her internet friend could tag along. G agreed and later cancelled the whole thing. I don’t blame him. Right?

I would see him at the parking lot ever now and again in the mornings when I was on the phone with my people from South Africa. I used to take my calls in the parking because N would still be sleeping plus I needed the privacy.  I saw him one morning in between mornings, we talked for a second, he told me the story of his life and how he has two cars blah. He asked  offered to take me to lunch some time. A few hours later, he texted me and asked how I was etc, he had just woken up. He was  doing the night shift so he slept during the day, which also explains why I always saw him in the morning pulling into the parking lot. I was busy with my job hunting and networking stuff, when he called. I didn’t pick up, I was on the phone with T. When I told her who was calling, she told me to pick up because I didn’t know if he could help me somehow with the living mess I had going on. That got me worried. Hearing her say that gave me something to talk about. She hung up, He called two more times, I was pondering when I heard the knock on the door. It was him. I felt so pressured to talk to him. I freaked out! When I didn’t open, he called me on the phone again, Gees dude, stalk much? I took the call. He was at the car and told me to meet me there in 2 minutes he was taking me to lunch. That in itself ruined my appetite. It just did!

I called T and told her what was going on, she said, what are you calling me for? Hurry! Get going! Man, I feel like I’m being pimped out. What are my rights in this situation? He had the door open for me, the car was filthy. Well you know what they say about the falling apples and their trees? Yeah! You could tell he hadn’t showered since the day before or before that or or or. It was so hot out. Smells and heat, not a grand combination but I had to do what I had to do. I wasn’t going to turn his offer down and stay at T’s apartment when she herself had told me to go out with the guy. I know what you’re thinking, ‘here’s an idea, Brook. Maybe you shouldn’t have told T about this guy’s offer to begin with’. You’re right! You’re right! In my defence, I was telling her as a friend not a pimp, ok?

He took me to the Chinese Buffet restaurant T always takes me every Friday. He was so proud to be taking me to this $6 eat as much as you want place, you could tell by how he walked so tall. He asked if I’d been there, almost convinced it was my first time. Alas, I had to burst his bubble. Table for? Two! He sat across from me. Did I mention we took a table for two? Small and he was sitting right there! In my face! His knees could’ve touched mine, he was so close! I may have mentioned that my appetite was gone, out the window. I had a winglet here and a fry there. I took my time playing around with them, moving them around the plate. He got some food, Ate, burped, ate, Belched, Ate, talked, ate, grossed me out, ate made me almost barf, ate ate ate uuuugghhhhhh, why don’t you just shoot me in the head once and for all? I felt so dirty just being out there with him, I could have taken a shower afterwards. He was on his phone half the time. When he was done on the phone, he got seconds. Great! We’ll never leave!

I was just sitting there, trying not to throw up. Came time to pay, he emptied all his pockets  looking for change to pay the bill. He wasted his money buying me lunch, that’s for sure. We walked to the car, got in, he kept stopping himself from putting his hand on my thigh. Uhm, what is this? You almost buy me lunch, and automatically earn touching rights? Mhhh, can you say creepy? T had mentioned that I should hint to this guy that I had nowhere to stay maybe he could let me crash at his. He lived by himself. That’s one other reason that made me want to die the entire time I was out with him. I felt like he was the only person that had what I needed and he wanted something from me. Something I was in no position to give. I felt like a prostitute. I felt I had to bring the topic up. I had to tread lightly, G is N’s friend. I asked him if he knew of any cheap motels around. He freaked out and asked if N was kicking me out, offering to talk to N, we are home buddies, he have to look after one another, N shouldn’t do that, why would she do that. I was like, dude! I never said anyone’s kicking me out. I am looking for a place to stay, that’s all! He asked if it was T that was kicking me out. If so, he was going to ask N to let me stay with her, blah blah blah, gosh, this is not going as I’d hoped! You know when you really don’t want to do something, and then be places in a position where you have no other choice but to. As you’re doing it, you know it’s bound to go south, but you have to? That was me that fateful day!

G came up with an idea, I could stay with him! Ew! The smell in the car was killing me, I cringed to imagine what it must smell like in his apartment. The sheets! Bleh! I think I just threw up in my mouth. He told me he also had internet at his pace, to feel free to go over there anytime I needed to use it. I knew he had Wi-Fi , N used his Wi-Fi at the apartment, I didn’t want to intrude and ask for the password. Listen, if I really wanted to, I could’ve got the password, but I didn’t want to be that person. Plus the library was down the road, there was free Wi-Fi over there and utter peace, which I ached for.

G was working that night, he told me he would give me the key to his place just before he left for work, I could either sleep over there or just use the internet. I wasn’t comfortable taking him up with any of his offers. But I didn’t turn him down. I thanked him for lunch and ran up to the apartment. I called T with an update. She was like, “I knew it! I was wondering why you wanted to go out with that guy. I told you that guy is gross, N tried to set me up with him, I refused.” UUUUHHHHMMMM what’s wrong with this picture?

That evening, it so happened that I was outside on a call when G was leaving for work. He completely ignored me, ran to his car and drove off. I was right there! Sitting two cars from his car! I had a feeling he had talked to N. I never saw him again.

N kicked me out  one more time after that, this time to my face...

The Worst Day EVER.

My Trusted Sandals

July 2012

I had been looking for work as a Nursing Aide to no avail. I heard that I had to have some medical tests done for this kind of work.  I searched the internet for places where I could go get tested. I made a list of telephone numbers I got online and made a few (a heck of a lot) of phone calls. “come next Thursday, call back in two weeks time, building under renovation, call back, sorry we only work with children, call this number for women and children” That’s all I got, doors slamming in my face one after another.

I called the agency that wanted me to submit the test results and asked them to suggest where I could do the tests, they gave me an address and told me they did the tests Thursdays only. I found this out Thursday evening, too late. It was a free mobile clinic. I was willing to wait that long because when you’re new in a foreign country, where their currency is so much stronger than your own, you want to save as much as you possibly can, financially. This place was right next to the agency too, which was a plus.

I wondered how everybody else had their tests done. Some wouldn’t do it if you don’t have health insurance (Medical Aid), Which I didn’t, I just got here for goodness’ sake! Thursday morning, I went over to T’s as usual, laundry in tow. I always took the 7 o ‘clock but downtown, then another one to where she lives, that one took an hour. I’d usually be there around 10am, do my laundry, have branch. She always cooked for me. It’s always nice to have someone cook for you for a change, don’t you think? T had long breaks on Friday, starting at 11am. She told me to look up pharmacies or doctor’s rooms or such on the way from her place to where I lived. We could pop in and have the tests done. I made a few phone calls, one of the places booked me for an appointment. Score! I needed 2 tests done, I explained to them just as the recruiting agencies had. They told me I had called the right place, $50, cash or credit card. Perfect!

I punched the address in T’s GPS and we were on our way. It was cold and raining and miserable and and and. I felt bad that T had to go through all that trouble for me. I wanted to pay for gas, she would have no such thing. WE saw a few medical places on our way and stopped to ask if they did the tests just in case. No, no and The company that’s hiring you should let you fill in some form and you should bring that form here, Without that, I’m sorry, we can’t help you. Ok, thanks. Whew!

Finally, we arrived at the pharmacy, I filled my name in on the touch screen compute like gadget and waited my turn,There was only one other person before me. Alas, they didn’t do the test, whoever took the call must have misunderstood, good luck, have a nice day now! Great! Back to the road.

T told me she knew of a doctor that did this kind of a test somewhere in Connecticut. I asked how much, she told me it wouldn’t cost me more than $50 (R400). She promised to call me when she was back at work and she would give me the details. By that time I didn’t even know who to believe. I was going to believe it when I saw it. I had already gone through enough, or so I thought.

T was expecting her man that evening, I didn’t want to bother them, I waited for her to call at her convenience. It had been such a long, draining day, I dozed off early. Around 10, I was woken up by a call from T. She didn’t sound happy. She yelled at me about how I could be so chilled about this, how come I didn’t call her? I was quick to sleep whereas I had things to do. How could I sleep, blah. I had to keep my cool, I needed this person for so many things starting with the roof over my head. She told me the doctor was in some town in Connecticut, I forget the name, she had already told me this, so nothing new. I asked for the Doctor’s name, she didn’t know it, phone number, didn’t have it, address, didn’t know it! She told me she had been at the place 4 -5 years ago for something unrelated, she suspects that the doctor most probably will do the test I needed. Thought to self: Great, you woke me up for this?  She told me she knew how to get there, and went on to tell me which buses to take and where. It would take me no longer than an hour to get to this mysterious place. I asked if there was any way she could get me either the name of the doctor or their telephone number, she asked me why I wanted it! She seemed genuinely unaware why someone would want to call a doctor they just heard of from someone who hadn’t seen him in 5 years, who didn’t even know if the building was still there, let alone the practice itself. I tried to explain as best I could why. She still didn’t get it! I know how to get to this place and that’s all you need. You’re not listening to me, why would you want their phone number? Why would you want to make an appointment (The only question that was missing was, “Why would you want to use your common sense? How dare you ? How dare you?”). This all left a bad taste in my mouth. The whole thing! I was supposed to go there first thing Monday morning.

I spent the weekend looking for more places online. I also called the place whose number I got from the agency. It turned out their next date was weeks away. Oh noooo! I decided to go back online and look for similar clinics in my neighbourhood. I found one! I thought to myself, I would first go to this clinic in the morning, should it not working out, I would then go to T’s maybe doctor. Relief! At least I had options.

Monday morning, I got up, took a shower, put on my sandals, very long black pants, and a vest (tank top), I didn’t have breakfast just in case the tests were to be done on an empty stomach. I checked out the place on my google maps mobile application, it didn’t seem that complicate to find. I took the bus, got off where I thought I should. As I got off the bus it started raining. No pouring! Remember the outfit I have on? I was clearly dressed for the weather. NOT. I walked to the address on my piece of paper. It turned out to be a branch of Yale University and they didn’t deal with public. No man, what!  I had plan B, I quickly rushed there. I needed to know if all this was going to materialise early enough for me to be able to head off to T’s place. I had an hour before the next bus to T’s place. It left hourly. I walked to plan B, My piece of paper with directions was getting wet, I was soaking wet, I tried not to let any of this get to me. I had my sister on BBM, she was nice enough to let me vent and get everything out of my system. I got to the second place, they no longer had the clinic over there. Altogether! I had 20 minutes to run back to the bus stop. Security at Plan B told me to hang out, he might be able to help me. I asked how, she told me to just hold on. Oi! I had to be patient, he was trying to help ME not the other way around.

I kept looking at the time, he soon came back to tell me he won’t be long and then disappeared into a long hallway. Lordy! I knew I had missed the bus. I had another hour to get to this place. That was the bright side. He came back with a list of 3 mobile clinics. And clear details of where and when to catch them. One was in the neighbourhood, near plan A. I had to rush back there IN THE RAIN. It was pitch dark outside! I took what seemed like short cuts there, New Haven down town isn’t that big, I had been to most parts of it and would figure out my way back if I got lost. WRONG! I found myself back where I started! Just what I needed. Time! Time! I didn’t have time to be walking around in Circles in the rain! The streets were getting flooded. I had to walk through water, literally! Not much of a choice there! I asked a kind gentleman for directions. He went down on his knees, literally and drew a little map for me. The place was a few streets away, maybe 3. I had to get there by 10:30 am. That’s when the van would leave. I rushed there. The address the guy gave me ended me up in a dead end street. I had to walk back and ask for directions. By then I was drenched in water, I had to wipe it off my face to see in front of me. I was facing the direction of the rain, which didn’t help. It turned out was around the corner from the street I was going to. Whew! For some reason, I wasn’t excited yet. I told my sister on the phone that with my luck, I probably would get there just after the van had left and have to walk to their next location.  I was early though. I finally arrived! No van in sight! The area looked familiar, I looked around. Oh my Gosh! This is around the corner from where I live! I took a bus that morning and ended up walking all the way back, I felt like such a fool.

 I ran across the street to ask the only other person in the street. It was so dark, it looked like night time. Just as I got to him, he took a call on his cell. Great! I stood there like a nosey weirdo while he talked on the phone.  When he was done, he told me the van was there but for some reason, they left early that day. He didn’t think they were going to be back there that day. I asked for directions to the next stop. He told me it wasn’t too far but he thought I should take the bus. I had to call the bus people to find out what time the next bus would be there, and then get directions from the bus people. I wasn’t about to do that. It was raining, I had to keep moving. Plus I had already taken a bus from around there to where I was going that morning! I had to walk 2 or 3 long streets then I was there! I was so early, I had to wait. My phone battery died while I was waiting, the rain stopped. I waited until I dried out. I was that early! Finally, they arrived. WWWWWhhhheeeeeewwww!

There must have been 4 people before me. I waited my turn. Finally, the guy called me into his little room. He asked me how he could help me, I told him what I needed and asked if they do do those kinds of tests. He asked if I was taking any drugs or recovering from any addiction, I was like no (God forbid!). “I’m sorry, we only work with addicts”. Are you kidding me! So there’s no way you could help me? No mam, sorry about that, have a nice day! Thanks, you too. I guess I asked him if he knew where I could go he gave me a piece of paper with details of one that was in my area. I was too exhausted to go to T’s place, I had gone through enough to venture into more unknown territory. I rushed back to West Haven (where I lived) to see if I could make it in time for that clinic. They closed at 2. It was around 1. I ran to the bus station. I wasn’t sure which bus to take, so I called the bus services. They picked up just as my bus pulled off. Awesome! Talk about Murphy’s Law! Everything that could go wrong, went wrong that day! They gave me other bus numbers that I could take. The next one was 20 minutes away. There goes my time! I stood there like an utter fool killing time. My phone was dead, I may have spent that time picking my nose, I don’t know.

My bus finally arrived, I told the driver where I was going, he wasn’t sure where I had to get off. I sat next to a nice woman, who knew exactly where I was going. She told the driver where to drop me off where I would have to take a connecting bus to Washington street. He did. It wasn’t the right place. Too far! I had to walk another ten minutes or so towards the same direction as the bus. Imagine how I felt. It was nice and sunny, you would swear it didn’t pour all morning. My sandals survived. I was waiting for them to break, I could see myself walking around barefoot, Murphy’s law anybody? Luckily, I got there just as the bus did. I told the driver where I was going. She knew exactly where that was. She was a Godsend. However, the bus was still going to pick up people. I was standing on the wrong side of the road. I was supposed to catch the bus on its way back. Oh noooo! Time! I had to be nice, she was only trying to help. WE drove around West Haven with me trying not to die of impatience and utter frustration.  We eventually headed the direction I needed to go. The driver, was so nice, she gave me useful information for someone who is new in the area. We finally arrived in Washington Street. She dropped me off a few buildings from the actual street number I had to be, I looked all over for that very number, it was nowhere to be found, I thought I was dreaming. Seriously, what are the chances of that? I was looking for 640, they had 638 and 642, but not 640! I asked a very nice lady, if she knew what was happening, she had no idea where the clinic was. I broke down and jjjjuuuusssssttttt cuhried! I lost it! She freaked out, hugged me, told me how everything was going to be ok, she talked about God and everything, she was nice. WE asked around. She stopped a police car and asked the cop for help.  He didn’t know either. He punched the address into his computer in the car, turns out there are two Washington Streets. I was at the wrong one. I had to wait about 20 minutes for the bus, because I had just missed it. Of Course! I had to head back to West Haven because I was back in New haven.

I finally arrived at the clinic. Just after closing time. I knew they had already closed but I didn’t care, I was going to get there if it was the last thing I did that day!  A very nice lady opened for me when I knocked on the door. The whole thing felt like a dream! I was ready to wake up. She told me I just missed the clinic, to be back the next morning at 8. I asked if they definitely were going to test me, she said, yeah that’s what we do here, it’s all we do!

I went to Burger king, enjoyed a delicious burger and sweet potato Fries. I took the bus back to the apartment, took off my shoes, dove into bed and slept!

Homeless in America

Living room and Bedroom in the background 

July 2012

I had only been in the US for two weeks; living in T’s apartment with her roommate. N worked till late and she left the house early because of the long commute to work. I would either still be in bed when she left or still around the apartment getting ready. She didn’t know what I did during the day because she was never there. Except of course when she was day off, in which case, she always a house guest, usually a guy she met online, that she was going to “hang out” with.

It was a one bedroom apartment. N lived in the bedroom, T had half of the living room. There was a big chest of drawers partitioning the living room and N’s bedroom but you could see everything that was going on in the living room. Whenever N had her online conquests over, it was always a bit of a challenge for me. She spent more time with them in the living room, just chilling, “hanging out” or watching a movie.When I was home, dying of heat, i would either be on my computer phone or reading a magazine.

Microwaved Chicken and salad. My daily lunch in Connecticut

Whenever N had free time, between hanging out with internet guys and working, she would be bashing T, which put me in a very uncomfortable position as T was my only friend around and she was helping me out with a lot. N would tell me how T is not to be trusted, she is a back stabber, a liar, a gossip, and she has a tendency to pretend like she’s having a serious conversation over the phone, meanwhile, it’s a conference call, and there’s someone else listening in; the list was endless. I couldn’t go back to T with this news. I didn’t know her that well either I wondered what N stood to gain from bashing her roommate and friend of  5 years to someone she had only known for, gees, I don’t know, a few days?

One morning said good bye and left for work. She wished me a good day as she always did, I wished her a good day too and she was out there door. A few minutes later, I got a call from T. She told me she had bad news. My heart sank. Something told me it had something to do with N because just after she bade me good bye, I heard her open the door. I had shivers, looked behind me, and she was still standing at the door staring at me in a very scary look that got me hospitalised if looks could kill. T told me that N had called her, T didn’t pick up. She said she had nothing to talk to N about. They had a very tricky relationship. N then left T a voicemail saying, (I can quote it because T forwarded me the voicemail and I still have it) “hello sisi, kunjani? Uuuuu—ngubani konje igama lale ntombazana? uBabalwa, andimfuni laphaya endlini. Ngicela umfunele enye indawo, angiyfuni leya ntombazana kuleya ndlu. Ok Bye” (translation: I don’t want Babalwa (ME) in that apartment. Please find her somewhere else to stay, I DON’T WANT HERE THERE!”

Wow! What am I going to do! I went through all kind of emotions at once! I felt bad that T had to go through this unnecessary drama because of me. I wasn’t sure why N was kicking me out. I hardly ever said anything to her, i hardly ever was in her space, I did my own thing and minded my own business AND listened to her when she wanted to talk about her internet guys and how sexy she is and how great she is in bed. What could it be? Most of all, what am i going to do? I couldn’t help thinking back on a few weeks prior when i was still in Johannesburg living with ZS. The drama I went through with P when she indirectly implied that she couldn’t live with me. The news really made me think. T told me not to worry, that was her apartment too and I was allowed to stay there until i was on my feet. That was good to hear but the apartment is in N’s name and that’s the person i lived with daily. I only got to see T once or twice a week. N didn’t say why, she just wanted me out. Again, WOW!

That's me outside T's work, i just walked 30 mins to get there with a bag of laundry on my shoulder and a handbag on another

Things sure were going to be awkward that night when N got home from work. I was thinking to myself, should I pretend I am sound asleep the entire time she was home? I called my family and friends back in South Africa and told them the latest. Everybody was shocked, alas, there was nothing they could do. I spend the entire day at the library as usual, desperately looking for specifically a live in job. For obvious reasons. I saw N the next morning before she left for work She greeted me like she usually did, I did the same. How you dzoing elephant in the room?

Online Dating

A picture I never sent anybody I met online

The few people I knew, suggested a few websites that I could register on and look for a guy. The sites came highly recommended, just about anyone and their grandmother are on these sites. I was like what the heck, let’s do it. Two of them are free sites, well, you can upgrade to paying membership but it’s not really necessary. I posted a few pictures of myself and was ready to go.

I got a few winks here and there, a few messages, everyone wants the cell number, they don’t want to call though, NO NO NO! They just want to text. At this age of smart phones where everyone has their emails pushed though to their phones, you’d think people would be ok with your email addresses especially if they don’t intend to call you. Nope, not these suitors! Back and forth texting until the fingers can’t take it anymore, and trust me I’m a texter, if my fingers got tired from it, you know it was a heck of a lot! Of course, I didn’t give everybody my number, also I have a block feature on my phone, so I felt it safe to give some strangers my number. I could just block them whenever necessary. It’s the same thing over and over, hi how are you? Actually, no! No hi! Just: what are you up to? Or Do you wanna hang out sometime? Meaning would you like to have sex with me sometime? That’s all they wanted, “hanging out”. Alas, that’s not what I was after. I was new in a foreign land, I was not trying to be the town slore (slut+whore), I really just wanted friends, more than anything.

Just abnout everybody who asked for my number, made it a opint to send me a oicture of their erect genitals. And the length and girth thereof. Yup! They have all that information handy! Block! Block! And block! I lost faith, I didn’t know how the other girls did it, why they would recommend a site lilke this to me. I almost felt like a prude! I went back to them and tokd them of my experience on the site, they told me to be patient, however if i liked someone, to go ahead and hang out with them, it’s ok, that’s how they do things here in America. It’s normal. Also, to pay either half the bill at the restaurant (go Dutch) or to pay period. Because that’s how the brothers roll. I told them well, I am not looking for a brother, I asked if the rules also applied to non-brothers? “hehehe! uBrook unjani na? Ewe! EAmerica Brook, umntu uyazibhatalela erestyu! Akho loo nto yokhutshwa apha, bufunuphuma funekuyazba uzawbhatala!” (trans: In America, you pay for your own restaurant bill, if you want to go out, you need to know that you are going to pay! ). That didn’t sit well with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no gold-digger! Also, I’m cheap, but not that cheap. I don’t expect people to feed me, even as a fresh off the boat South African, I could afford a plate of food. The issue was the lack of chivalry that that statement implied. I refused to accept that that’s what my dating life was going to be like.

As time went by, I realised that, as a matter of fact, nobody even asks you out on dates, they just want to hang out. After a few weeks on that site, I made a conclusion; the site was not for me. There must be other sites out there for regular, old fashioned girls like me.

Ice Creaming at T's

I kept my profile up, but didn’t log on as much.

Until I got an email from, let’s call him Matt. He seemed nice and genuine, tall with blue eyes, independent, what else could a girl ask for right? Especially from a site like that! I emailed back, he asked for my number, he was new to the site, and was working long hours, he wasn’t going to be able to email back and forth. He wanted to call. HE WANTED TO CALL ME! Someone from that site, actually wanted to give me a call! Score! I gave him my number and jokingly asked him not to abuse it, He called me that very afternoon. I remember, I was at the library when the call came through. I assumed it was a recruiter as i was job hunting, left, right and centre. I quickly stepped out and took the call. It was him! Matt! He had a nice, soft voice, he was so polite, He worked at a school as a Janitor (caretaker). I was excited about meeting him and just getting to know him. I had to add more people to the list or lack thereof of people I knew in the US.

Turned out, that was not his phone, he was using a friend’s phone, he didn’t have a cellphone, he couldn’t afford it, he lived with 3room-mates, had a 5 year old son he loved very much (good for him and him {Matt and the son}). A red flag went up when he told me he couldn’t afford a cellphone. He had a job and room mates and couldn’t afford a cellphone! Interesting. He was on a mountain top somewhere with his friends hiking when he called. Hiking was one of his hobbies. He wanted us to meet up soon. He told me he couldn’t believe that there was someone as beautiful and real as I am on that website. We set a date.

The next few days, we chatted via email, I asked him to send me a full length picture of himself as he only had a half length picture on the site. Just one and I had so many. Only fair, right? He wouldn’t budge! I didn’t hear from him the night before our proposed date. I knew there and then that it wasn’t going to happen. Red flag!  The last message I had sent him was confirming the time of the date.

I got an email from him telling me that he had to take his mother shopping, it was his only day off in a very long time, he needed to spend some time with his mother, when they were done, he would then pick me up for our date if I still wanted to meet up. We had set a date with this guy, and on the said date, he is going to tell me,  IF YOU STILL WANNA MEET UP! What’s wrong with this picture? I messaged back, “you have my number, keep me posted!” No word from him ever since!  A few weeks later, I went on his profile. He had updated his pictures. He looked nothing like the picture I had seen. The one I saw was easily taken ten years prior! That kind of answered some of the questions I had about why he suddenly had cold feet. He wasn’t who he said he was!

There’s another gentleman I met on the same site, Al. He would send a text, I would return it, then I wouldn’t hear from him for a good 2-3days before he would text me, something along the lines of “it’s a beautiful day out, what are you up to?” Uhm hello! What about the text I sent you 3days ago? I wouldn’t confront him though, it was nothing, I wasn’t interested in him. It was nice to have someone to talk to every now and again, Whenever it suited him. 2 moths passed without a word from Al, out of the blue, while in New Jersey, I got a call from him

Al:  “Heeeyyyyyy! How is my friend doing today? How’s Connecticut?”

Me:  uhm, I left Connecticut 2 months ago!

Al: Really, where are you based?

Me: NJ

Al: Oh did you find a job there?

Me: Yeah

Al: How do you like The States now that you’ve been here for a good few months?

(I was almost impressed he remembered a few things about me)

Me: It’s – ( I rolled my eyes and hung up)

I didn’t see any point in faking interest. This guy was clearly an utter waste of time, I wasn’t interested in him and didn’t have anything to say to him, so I did what any self respecting human being would do and hung up on him. He didn’t even bother to call back. I didn’t care.

A month later, i got a email  from him on the site:

Al: Long time! So are you still looking for someone?

Me: Sorry, please stop contacting me. I’m not interested

Al: Why not?

Me: You’re not my type.

I subsequently blocked him on the site

2weeks later, a text from him:

Al: Heeyyyyyyy!

Me: Hi who’s this?

( I knew who it was)

Al: Your friend Al, remember me from the website?

Me: Not really, refresh my memory

Al: I’m from Connecticut

( I didn’t even know he was Connecticut, the entire time, I assumed he was from New York)

Me: Hey what’s up?

Al: Nothing much, how’s New Jersey?1

I blocked his number. Thank Goodness from the block feature, no more Al. Whew!

Getting to know me: I answer 50 Questions. Please do too!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, Sister Canissia 

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
July 2012.


3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It's ok.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Sea Food

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I'd adopt me

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yes. I work in a dark and stressful job and sometimes it helps to let off steam.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE and Who?

Yes, Sister Canissia

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED and why?

July 2012. I was getting kicked out of the apartment by someone who didn’t even know me.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

It’s ok. It changes a lot. Good thing nobody writes anymore.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAT?

All Mea! Sea Food.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS and How old are they?

No

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

I would be my best friend. I am my best friend.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

All the time.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

Yes, even though They troubled me a lot as a kid and started again recently.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

I’d love to.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

Oats aka Oatmeal (Yuck, I know)

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

No.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

I know I am. Physically and emotionally.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

Vanilla with choc chips, fudge, caramel and choc chips with peanut butter. How can you not like that?

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Teeth and eyes. Or their ass, depends.

15. RED OR PINK?

Pink

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

My weight

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

My brother who passed away in 2005. R.I.P B.I.G.

18. WHAT IS THE PAUL MCKENNA TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?

Assessing if I’m really hungry or it’s something else. Then dealing with the emotional cravings and using the tapping technique.

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

Teal boots.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

Halls Cough Drops, otherwise Ribs for lunch

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

Julio If you go Away

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

Baby Pink

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

Oh my Word, not a fair question. 90 % of nice scents out there I love if not more

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

Terry, from California

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?

Definitely a Beach House.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Dance, Swimming, Gymnastics

27. WHAT’S YOUR HAIR COLOR?

Black, I can’t wait to be blonde or light brown again though

28. EYE COLOR?

Dark Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

Not yet.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?

Indian

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy endings

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

Bridesmaids

33. WHAT COLOR TOP  ARE YOU WEARING?

Royal Blue

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Summer  PLEASE

35. HUGS OR KISSES?

Hugs  

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?

Cake or White chocolate milkshake

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?

Cardio.

38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?

Computer to watch Television show. Go figure!

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

Nothing, I will start tomorrow, promise!

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

Don’t use a mouse

42. FAVORITE SOUND?

Music.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

Rolling Stones

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

USA, right now. But then again, I’m always far from home.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

Yeah tons.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Uitenhage, South Africa

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?

New Jersey (United States). Not for long though, watch this space!

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?

Cream

49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?

 N/A

50. DID YOU ENJOY ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?

It was ok,  I will find better ones next time.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes


9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Nope

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Not a big cereal eater, but when I was a kid I got Cap’n Crunch for Christmas or birthday.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
depends on the shoes

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically not so much any more. Emotionally I’m a Rock in trying times.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Soft serve Vanilla with sprinkles

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Teeth and eyes

15. RED OR PINK?
Green hehehe Pink I suppose.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My C-section belly

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My mother who died 7 months after my daughter was born following complications from Gastric bypass.

18. WHAT IS THE PAUL MCKENNA TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?
Assessing if I’m really hungry or it’s something else. Then dealing with the emotional cravings and using the tapping technique.

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Brown boots.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A bag of microwave popcorn

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Drop Dead Diva on my phone while I work on notes.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Green

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
yankee candle balsam cedar & sage and citrus

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
client

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Beach House all the way!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
tennis occasionally otherwise no interest

27. HAIR COLOR?
Dark dark brown

28. EYE COLOR?
Dark Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
In the summer so I can wear sunglasses

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Mexican and Italian

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Bridesmaids

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Red

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer all the way.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs and kisses from my kiddos

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
tiramasu

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
Cardio.

38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
TV for vegging out. Computer for connecting with people.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Just Finished Terry Pratchet’s The Color of Magic.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Speedy Gonzalez (cartoon mouse)

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
the quiet on morning weekends.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Spain.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
making others smile

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
New York City

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
Upstate NY (United States)

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
Green (My husband just painted the house this summer)

49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
blue.

50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?

My First Job in the US

End of June 2012.

I spent hours and hours in the library applying for jobs and downloading music. It really is how I spent my days when I first arrived in The US. Thursdays, I’d leave first thing in the morning, laundry in tow and go to T’s. She’d cook us very yum  food.  From Corn on the cob to dumplings, paap etc. Fun times all round!

She even let me drive her car one day, to the store. It was really nice. If you know me, I love to drive, this was different because it was a left hand drive, driving on the right side of the road, at 25miles/hour (60km/hr)  25 just seemed so much slower, you know? In my head, I felt like I was driving at 25 km/hr.

I’d sleep over Thursday nights and when she had her long breaks, we’d go to West Haven together, have lunch at the Chinese Buffet place, she’d run her errands with me tagging along, and then drop me off on her way back to her work, which is where she lives. I lived at her place (which her roommate) while she lived at work (sleep in, so to speak).

One evening, I got a call from T’s friend, she told me her friend needed someone to fill in for her for the night. Oh my word, I didn’t even hesitate, I WAS IN! I had to wait for the lady to call me to finalise everything. I was so anxious! I called T, she was so happy for me. I sat there impatiently waiting for the call.... Finally, she called! Let’s call her Pinky. She told me she’d pick me up around 8pm, drop me off at the house, I was to look after the elderly lady she looks after, for the night. She’d be back 24 hours later and take me home. I was so excited just to have something to do. Something different, you know?

She picked me up as promised, I had an overnight bag ready, a change of clothes and my laptop, something to keep me occupied. She’s a very nice lady, very bubbly. It was such a pleasure to meet her. She’s from the Eastern and the Western Capes n South Africa. So off the bat, we had things in common.  We arrived at the house, it smelled like medication, I tried not to freak out.  I met the lady, she was ready to sleep. Pinky left. I called T to update her. Turned out she knows Pinky, she said not to tell Pinky that we’re friends, that could ruin my new friendship with Pinky. I found that interesting. That made me really want to tell Pinky. Just so I could find out what she was hiding. Wouldn’t you?

There was no cellphone network in the entire house, I found a tiny little spot in the garage, where I had to have the phone on speaker, to maintain signal. That’s how I managed to talk to T, halfway through the conversation, she asked someone else something in our conversation. Turns out, we were on a 3way call the entire time! Interesting! I watched some telly, had some nuts and went to sleep. I got up, bathed and got the old lady ready for the day. When we got to the bottom, she looked me deep in the eye and went, “oh Brook, right there!  That feels so good Brook!” I was like, uhm, I think that’s enough, it’s clean now. AWKWARD! She complained and complained about how she didn’t like Pinky and wanted me to replace her. I told her I was flattered but couldn’t do that to my friend and if Pinky’d been there for a year, she must have been doing something right. She kept me running around all day, I was literally sweating ALL DAY! Did I mention I was running around all day? ALL DAY! Pick this up, take this there, I wanna bathe, I wanna bathe again. Put me here, take me there, bring me the phone, not this one, the one in the dining room. Don’t tell Pinky I made you do this. By the way, do you like me? What do you say to someone who asks you such a question? This was before she drove me up the wall. I honestly thought she was a nice old lady then.  She asked me to tell Pinky when she got home what I thought of her because Pinky tells her everybody thinks she’s mean and they don’t want to help Pinky when she needs someone to fill in for her. I told her I’d tell Pinky if she asked what I thought of her.

After that she became an absolute monster! She told me to bathe her again. Just the private parts. She got up and wanted me to rub her with the wash cloth there. When I stopped, she was like, do it some more Brook. I was like, I think it’s clean now (Good Lord! She said, “never mind, give me the wash cloth!” She went to town with it, while I was standing there in utter shock.

I couldn’t wait for Pinky to get home and get me out of that misery. The excitement of it all wore off so quickly! I literally didn’t even have time to shower. When the old lady dozed off, I was breathed a sigh of relief. Quietly, God forbid she heard me and woke up! The phone rang while I was in the shower, she yelled for me to bring it to her. She had a phone right next to her, she wanted me to bring her the one that was in the dining room. I had to get out of the shower, wet as I was and get her the phone. My, oh my! Eight PM came and went. Pink got home at exactly the same time she left, 24hours prior. I could have kissed her, I was so relieved! She asked me if the lady behaved. I was like, Girl, I’m ready to go home! She asked me if she didn’t ask me to do that thing that she made me do to her genitals, I was both relieved and grossed out. Relieved that I wasn’t imagining it, grossed out for obvious reasons. She also asked me what I thought of her in general, I gave her my honest opinion. She told me the old lady doesn’t believe that she’s mean. Well...

Pinky asked if I didn’t want to spend the night, she would take me home the next day, I was like girl, I think I’m good, take me home, please NOW! Old lady wanted to see me before I left. She asked if there were something I wanted to tell Pinky. I was like, “like what?” She went, like how you feel about me, the fact that you think I am a nice person. I was like, Oh no, that was before you were so mean to me all day. Telling me how you don’t like black people, you think they are lazy, blah blah bah. I told her exactly what I thought of her. She asked!

Pinky dropped me off and I was glad to have made some money! My very first week in the US. It was a good sign, don’t you think? Oh and no, I didn’t tell Pinky I knew T... yet!