Elvis, My King, where the f*ck art thou?

While getting to know each other, talking it up over the phone with Elvis, he would say things like, “so how flexible are you?” I’d be like, you mean .... “you know?!” uhm, I can’t believe you just asked me that! Or we’d be talking, then he would be like, “so you didn’t pick up when I called earlier, were you doing some stretching exercises?” Stretch exercises? What for? “so you can be nice and flexible for daddy.” Are you for real? Nobody says the things you say!

Overall, I was still excited to meet him in person. I was excited to go to LA for the first time in my life. It had been a dream of mine. You know I was dying to get out of Perry’s house, even for  a day! At first El said he was going to pick me up the night of Christmas  Eve, then he changed his mind. He wanted to spend part of Christmas with his family, so he was either going to take them to a restaurant and give his sister a break from cooking, where they were going to have Christmas lunch. Or he was going to order take out from one of the restaurants that serve Christmassy stuff and have them deliver to the house, so he wouldn’t feel bad not being with his family the entire day. He seemed like he was really making an effort to please everybody.

He confirmed that would leave LA around 11 am to be in San Diego around 1pm to pick me up. I was to take with me my laptop, in case we needed to google some stuff to do and places that would be open and all that. I would have been happy doing that on my blackberry really, but ok. Hopefully this guy wasn’t some conman who was going to rob me of my valuables. He did ask me before how big my laptop was in inches. I found that odd, that he would care. Anyway, I didn’t get ready until Christmas morning because I have been disappointed too much, I never get ready until the very last minute. I don’t want to be that fool who was stood up. Dressed up and all.

Did I tell you Elvis doesn’t have a Cellphone? Yep, 2012 and the guy doesn’t have a Cellphone. His reason is because once, he was out of town and ran his bill up so much talking to a girlfriend while driving back that he never ever wants to pay that much on a telephone bill again. Uh, which country were you in? They have unlimited talk and text plans in America now starting from $40 per month! You work in a shop, you should know that? Didn’t the Kardashians tell you that when you were on a conference call with them?

He told me that he will consider getting a Cellphone when he is in a serious relationship with someone and lives with them. He wants to get married to, the whole nine yards. Speaking of which, what happened that you’re almost fifty and you’ve never been married. “People always ask that, and I can ask you the same question, how come you’ve never been married?” Because I’m a woman, and wait on a guy to ask, you on the other hand are a man, it’s on you to ask a girl. So you will probably get asked that question more than us women. I’ve been asked a couple of times before but nothing came of it, obviously. He told me about how he came so close with a few of the women he’s dates. One woman, he was on the way to surprise at work with the ring. As he was pulling up at her work’s parking lot, he busted her making out with a man. That was the end of that relationship. The rest of the stories, I was to  hear at a later stage. The Kenyan woman, had to move to the East coast to be with his family because they needed her or something to that effect. They are still friends, he wishes he could be friends with all his exes but some don’t think so, something he genuinely doesn’t understand. Well, Elvis, NEITHER DO I! I don’t get it. Make your own friends. Who are just gonna be your friends, have a bunch of exes and that of friends, why should you be so desperate to be friends with your exes, MOVE ON! They’ve clearly moved on, you do so too!

I tried to find cute clothes to wear for our very first meeting. We hadn’t skyped because he doesn’t have a webcam. I was on the phone with my sister who I sent pictures of my in the outfits for her approval. Done! I did my hair and nails.

I had sent Elvis a few of my pictures over time, his comments would go something like, (this is after I asked him if he got them because he wouldn’t even acknowledge receipt thereof) “nice pic, I love your boots.” Really? My boots! I take a picture of my entire self and you’re gonna tell me you like my boots? Boots that my ex, Perry chose for me by the way. SideNote: I find that if you want to impress your new beau, wear something an ex bought for you. They seem to like the same things. I always get compliments from guys on things other guys bought for me. His comment to another picture I had sent him was, “being a plane Jane suits you” Uhm wtf, is this a comment or an insult?

He had told me on our first telecon what he likes lookswise. Check it out: Long, artificial nails, long hair, weaves, wigs, it doesn’t matter, colored contact lenses, full make up. If you’re my friend on Facebook or follow me on Instagram, you know what I look like! Since I’ve been in the US, I’ve been rocking short, relaxed hair, for the longest time, I’ve worn my nails short, partly because of the work I do, I’m a massage therapist, and a CNA and mainly because I like my nails short. I color them all the time but wear them short, coloured contact and blonde wigs? I have nothing against them, but I haven’t gone that route yet. Was this guy trying to change me already?

I told him how I was open to all those things as long as whoever needs them was going to pay for them. They were so not the priority in my life at the time. He wasn’t perfect, so I don’t know what gave him the balls to have such standards of people, i.e. me. I should be flexible, this that and the other. Oh and he may have mentioned a few times that he has a huge c*ck. “Something something, huge white c*ck). Closer to us meeting, I brought up the size thing and was like, by the way how big is it? “I’ve never measured it, but it’s going to be enough for you” Oh now, it’s enough! All along it was a huge white c*ck, what happened to that? Sht was getting real, it was time for him to be almost honest. I brought it up again and told him to measure it, I want inches damn it! He told me he didn’t have measuring tape, but gave me a rough estimate. This much or that much. When they do that, I know it’s the smaller number or an inch smaller than that even. I thought to myself, great, he’s small. He’s big headed and small. And I’m supposed to do stretching exercises for THAT!

He called me before the left and told me he was about to take a shower, he was going to call me on the way, get this; he was going to find a public phone and call me from it. I asked him what if he didn’t find one? He assured me he would. What do I know, I’ve only had cellphones half my life or more. I was expecting him around 1pm. He was going to call en route and then again when he got to San Diego. Uh, where exactly? I’d lived in SD for almost two months and don’t recall seeing a public phone. Anyway, I didn’t want him knocking on Perry’s door, that was drama I didn’t want to have the energy to want to be involved in. Perry caught a glimpse of my while I was getting ready, paid me a compliment (something my new guy had an issue with) and asked if I was going somewhere, “NOPE.”

I peeked through the window and saw El’s car, a green Ford Escape, crap, he’s here! I wasn’t ready yet AND I COULDN’T CALL OR TEXT TO LET HIM KNOW! Fck! What kind of a person is this? Why doesn’t this guy have a cell phone? Grrrrrr! He had told me he was considering getting a cheap $20 phone day before the trip, WHY DIDN’T HE?

I finished up quickly and wan outside, I wished Perry a Merry Christmas and strutted out the door, you know when you know you look cute and smell great and have great plans with a hot guy and you’re walking away from your ex who is lounging around the house with no plans dressed in his house clothes? Feels great doesn’t it?

I got outside and ELVIS WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. Shhhhhhtttttt!

Sister, Sister!

San Diego Sunset

Well, uhm, I er, there’s this guy. It’s a bit of a long story actually, but I guess, you have to hear it at some point. Might as well be now! I bumbled, ever so confidently! All fake! I was freaking out inside! How in the heck am I going to tell this man that I currently live with another man and am serving a notice because he kicked me out? He is going to think me a freak, baggage! I told him the truth. He didn’t seem to mind, in fact, he seemed relieved. Weird, but I took it! It was better than what I had expected.

 He told me his mother was 88 years old, same age as Avon, remember her? New Jersey? Anyway, according to El, she wasn’t sick, sick, just old and mother of his was going to die in a nursing home. She used to have her own home in Long Beach, LA, but when they noticed that she was getting a little confused, he took it upon himself to take her in. He and his sister took turns looking after the mom, the sister’s shift started when El left for work and ended when he got home. Whenever he was day off, he would take care of mommy!

One night, he called and was like, “ugh, you know my sister! She can be so annoying, I told her I don’t want pop corn, she is forcing me to eat pop corn. She thinks she can tell me what to eat and when to eat it, I DO NOT WANT POP CORN!” I was like, oh, she’s still there? I thought she would have gone home by now! “Sometimes she spends the night here, she sleeps in the other room when she feels like it.” Oh and, how old are you? Who talks like that? I DON’T WANT POPCORN? How old are these people? Anyway, whatever!

He had this sound that he would make whenever he had throat or whatever lozenges in his mouth, you know when you have hard candy in your mouth and you roll it around from one side of the mouth to the other. The sound that it makes when it touches the teeth? Hated it! I couldn’t believe that a man his age would be doing that! I had to tell him it was annoying, he tried to stop. Emphasis on Tried. He has a course voice, which I love. I don’t think he likes it because he says that’s not his voice, he has bronchitis or flue or this or that, it’s always something. And I really like it. That’s one of the reasons he has all that soul for a white boy.

Speaking of voices, he continued to sing for me almost every night, mostly Ottis Reddy’s songs, which to me were Percy Sledge’s songs. Apparently Percy Sledge sang all of Ottis’ songs. Seriously, if like me, you never heard of Ottis yahoo him or google him or Bing him or better yet youtube him, you will see what I’m saying. You know that album of Precy Sledge’s with When a man loves a woman, Sitting on the dock of the bay etc? All those songs were done by Ottis before! I know!!!! Anyway, he would sing, then stop in the middle, and be like, no, no, wait, no, sorry, I think I am confusing the verses, that’s the first, no, that’s the. My eyes by then are rolled so far back into my forehead, I’m ready to pass out. Dude! You wanna sing, sing! Stop talking, what the heck! Nobody is forcing you to do this? I’m not your sister! Chill out! Either you sing the song or you don’t it doesn’t make any difference in my life, I’m still stuck in this brown house with this man who is beginning to talk like me and it pisses me the heck off.

My bed at Perry's (very comfy!)

One night while on the phone with El, in the middle of the night, I heard Perry cry for help in the other bedroom. I asked him to hold and ran over there, to see if Perry was ok. He was. He was dreaming. When I got back to El, he was like, listen to me! Don’t you ever, EVER do that again? I was like, huh? Why not? We’re roommates, we have to look out for each other, plus, I didn’t even think about it. He said that’s dangerous, this is a man, he should be able to take care of himself. I thought that was a very different reaction but ok. Still getting to know each other, right? Right!

Not far From Perry's

I remember one night we talked about The moment of truth, remember the TV show? He said, he already knows the first question he would make them ask me, “Did I ever sleep with Perry?” I was like that would be a fair question, I can see why you would want to know that and kept it moving. I would ask him about his sister, duh!

Perry's Bed, I made both beds every morning cos he never used to make his bed

I asked him if his sister is married, “no.” Is she straight? “Yes. Haha, funny you should ask that, I told her she should rather date women cos she hates men.” Does she have kids? “Yes, she has a son, the actor?” Oh yeah, him! This is the nephew he taught everything the nephew knows about the entertainment industry. Mh could this be his son? Time will tell. “I think you and my sister will get along. She loves women. She will do anything for women but men! Another story!” Interesting, I guess that means, I was going to get to meet the sister at some point.

Christmas was fast approaching. Perry had no plans. We still had the turkey he got for Thanksgiving and ended up dinnering (not a word, I know, but it is in Xhosa, my home language), at his sister’s with his family. He had promised to make me that for Christmas. He had never made turkey before, I guess that’s why he was stalling so much. He wasn’t so confident. Perry is a great cook, he can whip up anything even if he had never made it before, he has a passion for food. You should see him cook, everything is like a tv show for him. Since he found out I’m all about acting, and I like creative guys, he was making himself into somebody he wasn’t just so he could fit my type of guy. Relax dude, I’m here now. Chill! He would tell me all the time, how he is an artist, he designs houses therefore he’s an artist. I don’t know, that’s not really what I had in mind when I said I was into creative guys. But ok. He smoked marijuana, so I guess that somewhat qualified him as an artist? No? Ok, I tried!

Pirk, Courtesy of Perry

German Chocolate cake (I think that's what it's called. It tastes better than it looks. Perry made it)

I never told Perry about my plans for Christmas. He promised to decorate the house, he’s all about Christmas. He watched Christmas movies all of December. He watched two or three per day. It was really different for me, someone his age to be so into Christmas. But hey, at least he’s passionate about something. I tried watching one with him, in the spirit of Christmas, right? Couldn’t! It was cold that night, I had nice, warm clothes, sat on the comfy couch with the dogs all over us, I dozed off. He woke me up and told me how much he appreciated how great a sport I was for trying, but it was time for me to go to bed. Oops, I guess I fell asleep there! Am I bad! (read: my bad)

He was so into Christmas, whenever we went to the store in December (this is after he kicked me out, we were civil towards each other.), we would drive around checking out people’s Christmas decorations like creepers. He would drive really slowly, I’d be oohing and aahing because where I come from, they don’t go so all out Christmas time. I tried to take pictures but pictures of lights at night, didn’t come out so great.

See? They didn't come out so great but these are pictures of people's homes

I kept asking him when he was going to decorate his house as he had promised. Just like everything he had promised to do, he never did it. He told me to do it myself. I was like  I would but at my house, Christmas decorations means tinsel in the dining room, that’s it! WE never even got a tree. I had a small fake tree at my apartment that I got as a gift from a friend in Natal. So I would put that out in December and put my Christmas gifts under the tree, stuff I got from people and myself. Yeah, I buy myself presents for special occasions, doesn’t everybody? J

I asked Elvis if they had decorated their house, he told me yeah.... you guessed it... HIS SISTER DID!

Sweet Music Man

December 2012

“I...uhm, I...I...I am renting a two bedroom apartment near downtown LA. My mom lives with me, She is sickly and I help take care of her. Whew!” 

Me: THAT’S IT?

“Yes.”

Me: So why did you seem so nervous to tell me that?

“Because I don’t know what would be a deal breaker to you.”

Me: So who takes care of your mom when you’re at work?

“My sister.”

Me: Where does she live?

“She has her own place.”

Me: Does she have a job?

“No, she’s disabled, my sister has a lot of issues, some psychological. But she’s very smart. She has masters in Psychology. I only have a four year degree in Business Administration.”

I felt there was more to the story than he was telling me, but I didn’t want to be too forward, especially considering I wasn’t ready to tell him the story of my life. We changed subject, soon thereafter, he went to sleep because he “ate too much” (sounds familiar, hint Perry), his sister had cooked. It was around ten pm, and his sister had made him dinner. That late? What time does she get to go home? Is this a sister, sister or like a wife sister? Girlfriend sister? Time will tell. I hoped.

The following day, he sent me a nice ecard, written: You’re special, Hello Brook, I just want to say, I miss you, I want to spend time with you, talk to you soon. It had a song playing in the background too, really cute. My heart smiled. He called that afternoon after work, and dinner prepared by his sister. He asked how I liked the card and told me he is very romantic, he promised to do more romantic things for me. I hoped they didn’t include more free eCards. I mean I have lots of space on my PC but it can only hold so much free “romantic” stuff. He serenaded me that night with some so long song I had never heard before. It was time for him to go to sleep, so he cleared his throat and asked if I was ready. I was like yeah sure? What for? He cleared it again and sang me a song, after which he went, “how bout that huh? What do you think about that? Impressive huh? A White boy with soul!” There was nothing left for me to say, he had covered it all up! I had a huge smile on my fave from having yet another guy serenade me with song, but when he started complimenting himself (read: his own self), the smile turned into a very confused look. I agreed with him out of politeness, plus it’s the end of a call, you don’t want to end it on a weird note. He obviously didn’t mind, or didn’t see anything weird about that.

I told my sisters about him, we all thought he was a catch, he’s cute, he can sing “has soul”, we wanted to get to know him better. His birthday was that weekend, December  the 9^th. Any Sagittarians in the house? Haha, just kidding.

We talked all day every day for a while. We got to know each other, I also got to know that he liked to be called Daddy. Question: do all men like to be called daddy? I know the ones I end up with like that.

He wanted to see me. We agreed on spending Christmas together. He had problems with his car, so couldn’t come earlier. He was going to pick me up and take me to LA. I was excited. I wanted to see if there was real potential of a relationship or not, going to his place was going to answer a whole lot of questions for me. Especially that sister question.

I noticed that the sister was making dinner every night. Every time we talked at night after work, he had just had dinner, which his sister had made. She made fancy food too. I felt intimidated, I had to google some of the stuff he told me she made.

“You never told me who you live with?” he asked........ Crap!

The new Guy

San Diego

Something different happened online. Something that never happens. I had all these guys who seemed pretty decent, wanting to chat with me at the same time one afternoon. I was excited and nervous. What if Perry would walk in? I had my own room, but his closet was in my room and mine was in his, long story about how he wanted me to have the main bedroom and I couldn’t do that to someone in his own home. I was chatting away with all these guys, in no time, the number had gone down to two or three. Most of them turned out to be jerks. No surprises there! Elvis had sent me an email the night before hoping to catch me online so we could chat. I wrapped up my conversations with the final two or so guys and as I was about to log off, Elvis logged on!

We chatted for a few minutes and he asked for my number. I told him we would have to talk a bit longer than that for me to give him my number. He sent me two more messages and asked again if we had talked long enough. Funny, very funny. NOT. Eventually, I gave him my number, it must have been the following day or so. I told him to call me in an hour. I thought it would be safe for me to go for a walk and talk to me while I was out. The walls are very thin here, people overhear everything all the time. I’m not crazy about that. Elvis had a few pictures on his profile. He looked like someone you can trust. Tall, longish hair, slick back, dark hair, brown eyes, slim. Just like I like them. Blue eyes would have made him perfect, but I was still happy with him lookswise.

He was older, 47, never been married (red flag!) but I was like, let’s give him a try. He called me in an hour’s time as per arrangement. We talked for four hours flat. I was walking around and around in circles the entire time. Amongst other things, it came out that he was the youngest of three, a 62 year old sister, a late brother and then him. His dad passed away, but his mom is still living, he wouldn’t tell me her age, once he found out that I worked out that his age wasn’t what he had stated on his profile from the sibling’s ages and the age difference among them. I asked him again how old he was, he told me the age he stated on the profile, I was like, well, I forgot, tell me again! He told me he was 48, he had a birthday coming up in a few days, so he was turning 49. I didn’t understand (still don’t) why he would lie about his age, especially considering how young he looked (or did he?) and just one year’s difference? To that, he told me that his ex was on the site and he did that to spite her. Apparently, he knew it would get to her to see that he lied about his age. I don’t know why he cared what she thought and why he would think that she would care!

That was a bit of a red flag, the lying about his age and the ex whose opinion he still cared about. He told me that he had dated women from Africa before, one from Kenya and one from God-Knows-Where. I didn’t care, still don’t. The conversation went very well. He seemed like a cool guy, funny too. I laughed a whole lot during that conversation. He, for some unknown reason, when he found out about my interest in acting, told me I was talking to the right guy. He got his nephew into acting. He taught the nephew everything the nephew knows. Interesting! The nephew, has been on Grey’s Anatomy (love it!), Glee (love!), Entourage and a few other shows. He is currently, well last they talked, he was dating a woman who used to be a Laker’s Cheerleader in Paula Abdul’s time. So older woman. So he thought  he’d also tell me who in Hollywood is gay or rather in the closet. I thought that was a very interesting topic for our very first telephone conversation and something I really needed to know, urgently! NOT!

Half Asleep, in New Jersey, on the phone with Perry

We talked and talked and laughed and joked around and I was excited to get to know him. You wouldn’t say he was approaching fifty from his personality. Which could be a good thing or a bad thing. At some point, he told me he had to get off the phone because HE WAS TIRED! Ok, interesting way to end a call, YOU made to ME. Bye! I went back to the house, Perry was busy in his office, drawing plans and all that architecture stuff, chilling with the small dog, his best friend. I went to my bedroom and did my loner stuff. I can be such a loner sometimes haha.

Elvis called me the following day, He told me a bit more about himself, he works for Sears, you know the department store that also stocks The Kardashian Kollection? He told me that he trains people at work and he specialises in displays, the Kardashians were so impressed with his work, they called them personally when they opened a new Dash store and asked him to work for them. He told me he politely declined. He doesn’t like them and didn’t want to be associated with them.

He then went on to tell me about the celebrities he had served at his work, Pamela Anderson, Joey from Friends and a whole of others AND some porn stars. I heard the one about the porn stars a few times already. He has really long stories and background information on all the stars he served, you’d swear he went on dates with people and that they didn’t just buy a tv from  him. When I mentioned that, he told me he takes care of his clients and that some celebs are nice people like you and I. Ok then you didn’t have to tell me that, I’m from Africa not somewhere under a rock! He also made sure to explain every phrase he used, for some reason, he thought that I wouldn’t understand, this happened after he learned I was from South Africa, before that, he treated me like a normal person who understands English.

At Perry's one winter night

I had to ask him nicely to please chill out. I was an English teacher for a few minutes, you know? Gimme a break here! Other than that, I found him interesting and enjoyed getting to know him. He was in Los Angeles, I was in San Diego, two hours difference! Mh, will it work? I wondered! Imagine if it did? Dating someone who lived in my dream city, City of Angels, closer and closer to the dream! And he already had all this inside info and interest in the industry. I would obviously have to move to LA at some point, not necessarily with him but, you know, to get closer plus it’s not like I had a place to stay in SD. We talked all the time with Elvis. He would always call me when he got home after work, after he “had a bite to eat.” We’d talk until he fell asleep on me on the phone, sometimes he’d even start snoring haha. I thought that was cute and romantic.

San diego Bay

He was my something to look forward to when days were really dark for me. I was hoping, he wouldn’t ask me about my living arrangement just yet. I was almost glad he was a little ways away (yeah people say that here, doesn’t that sound weird, a little ways away?). One day, while conversing over the phone, I asked him about his living arrangement, darn it, Brook, why would you go there? Now you have to tell him about yours! What to do? What to do!

He stuttered for a second and asked if I really wanted to know, when he asked me that I more really wanted to know than I did when I asked initially! My heart started beating fast, Gosh, what if he’s married, is divorced but still lives with his ex wife, lives with his wife’s family, what? What? Ugh, WHAT?

Downtown San Diego

Perry, decided it would be a brilliant idea for me to go downtown, to one of the places he had promised to take me, by myself, using public transportation. The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. I wasn’t in the mood to go sight seeing. I was running out of time, sight seeing was the last thing on my mind. Especially because it was his idea. “Come on! You’re in Southern California, enjoy it! Sunny San Diego, blah blah blah” Gosh, why don’t you shoot me in the head instead?

He told me I had ten minutes to get ready, he was going to drop me off. Fck! Why does he care what I do with myself, he dumped me. Ugh! I got ready, he said it was pretty straight forward, he was going to take me to the door of the train and it was suppose to be easy from there on. He brought the small dog along. His favourite. He was so happy for me, Perry, not the dog haha. Awww, Brook is going out, she is going to make new friends, she’s gonna have so much fun, woooowwwwww, Brook! You’re such a socialite. WTFFFFFFF! Shut the fck up! Grrrrrrrr.

The train stop was at the Chargers Stadium. I had never been there before. On our way there, we drove past people walking towards the same direction. Which is not abnormal in any roads, right? He went, All these people are going there, but Brook is so special, she is being driven, whoa, look at you. Ugh, I don’t know how many times I must have thrown up in my mouth on that trip alone. We got into the stadium, he found a random spot, dropped me off there and told me I’m a smart girl, to figure it out from there. Great! Just Awe fcking some!

I had a great mind to just sit there, chat with my sister on Whatsapp, until she went to bed (time difference was 10 hours, between us, South Africa ahead), then call him and tell him I was ready to go back. Just for the fun of it. But I didn’t want to make matters worse. I could tell dude was trying to get rid of me. I guess he needed space. What do I know! I walked up a few flights of stairs trying to find the tracks. As I saw which way to go, I missed one by seconds. I got so frustrated. They had the schedule on a glass thingy right there. When I checked it out, I realised I had just missed the last train. Awesome! What am I gonna do now? Now that I have a valid reason to go back home?

It was midday, he asked if he should dish up dinner for me that night. He felt he had to ask because he knew I was going to have so much fun, I probably would go back home very late. I was thinking to myself, what kind of a psycho am I dealing with here? It’s midday, what the heck will I be doing downtown that will keep me there for more than 12 hours. I mean really now!

I wandered about the trax until someone else arrived, I asked them about the schedule, turned out that was not the last one, the schedule wasn’t complete. Whew! I got on the train to nowhere. I didn’t really know which stop I was going to get off or anything. I was just going because I was being coerced to. I got off near the bay. Beautiful! But I wasn’t in the mood for any of that. San Diego is a beautiful city with nice weather all year round.

I walked up and down, deep in thought, hoping I was dreaming, ready to wake up and enjoy the reality that was my life. Sad part was, the reality of my life was a nightmare. I kept walking, I wasn’t even in the mood to take pictures. I was just fumbling about. I went to an Indian Buffet place and had me some Indian food. Favorite cuisine! Quite honestly, I wasn’t hungry. But I was killing time. I had to do something! I then walked a bit more until it started getting dark. That’s when I headed back for the bus. On my way back, I bought Perry some dinner; fish and chips (fries), which he gobbled down in seconds.

Crossroads

December 2012

Wow, that was hectic! What the heck was I going to do with myself? Whew! He had to submit the booklet thirty days from that day. He subsequently gave me 30 days notice to move out. I had to figure something out. FAST! I had already started looking for a job when he broke up with me the first time. I wasn’t going to fool myself into thinking he was just under a lot of stress, there’s no way he meant that, NO. That’s not how I operate, you dump me, that means it’s over. Someone breaks up with you, be broken up with! It was his loss anyway, right? ;)

I had thirty days to figure out the next step. I had been looking for a job. There are jobs but the first question they ask you is if you have a car, and if you don’t, forget it! There I was stuck in a house with a man whom I hardly knew, who no longer wanted me. Awkward. After crying it out and calling my Jamaican friend in New Jersey and my sisters back in South Africa, I had to think of an exit strategy. I had gone back on the dating site the moment he broke up with me the first time. I’d paid for membership before I met him, and wasn’t about to let it go to waste especially seeing as he had dumped me like a hot potato. 

I wasn’t sure what would happen if I were to really start dating. Was the guy  going to have to pick me up from Perry’s? I didn’t want to disrespect him in his own house, plus, it still was the only home I had at the time. Tricky! What if someone wants to know about my living arrangement. I do’t want to be those girls, you know with baggage? Ugh, what if? What if? What if? And I didn’t want someone feeling like they had to save me and have me move from one man’s house to the next. That would’ve been an adventure on it’s own, but I wasn’t sure if that’s what I wanted to do.

Mh, what to do?

I kept applying, registering with employment agencies, NOTHING! Perry was civil with me, a bit sarcastic at times but I could dish it right back. I didn’t even care anymore, what was he gonna do? Break up with me and kick me out?

"You can't be here!, I can't have you here!"

After week one in San Diego, Perry, still busy with the divorce proceedings, got a letter from his lawyers. They wanted a lot more money than he had anticipated. He showed me the email, talked to his brother on the phone and I could tell he was really stressed out. The mood changed around the house.

Perry went out for work, he brought back lunch dinner with him, burgers and fries. While sitting in the living room, having dinner, he told me, he wanted to remain friends. He didn’t think he was ready for a relationship. Blah blah blah.

Me:        Wait a minute, are you breaking up with me?

Him:       You’re making it seem as if we’re in a relationship or something, we’re just friends and I would like things to remain that way!

Me:        Well if you want to remain the way things are, why did you feel the need to tell me that?

Him:       I’m just telling you that I am not in the right frame of mind right now, there’s a lot going on in my life right now, my ex-wife, the lawyers, there’s just too much going on, I can’t deal with all that and a relationship right now. You can stay here as long as you want or until I sell the house, I just can’t be in a relationship right now.

He says right now a lot when he’s worked up

Me: Oh My Gosh

I got up, walked away. I went straight into the bedroom and talked to my people. It was back to the drawing board for me.

Him: Brook! Brook! Golly, don’t walk away, oh God...! Why are you getting so upset, it’s not like we’ve been dating for years, we just met and it’s not working out. It’s not a big deal, I’m sure you’ll find someone else!

I felt like I got hit by a train. Here I was in this man’s house, he just made me uproot my entire life from coast to coast for him, a week later, he’s gonna tell me it’s over! What is happening? Was I dreaming? This is the same man who told me I had to see if I liked him otherwise his mind was made up. I talked to my sisters, we talk all the time as you may well know.

The next morning, I stayed in my bedroom and just did my thing, I didn’t feel like socialising.

I later bumped into Perry in the kitchen. He was like, hheeyyy Brook! I brought you lunch! I politely declined. “What are you going to eat then? You have to eat! I don’t feel like cooking today, please take this!” Suurrreee whatever! I took it! He tried to be nice for the rest of the day and the next day, and the next. No apology but he was playing nicey nice! I was confused. I didn’t want to be that annoying person who says, “we need to talk” but I needed some enlightenment. I had no clue what was happening.

The following week, he got another email from the lawyer. HE was expecting to be billed about $400 but they billed him more than $2 000. That flipped him out! He was going nuts. I tell you if anything could get  that man worked up, it’s those lawyers! Not the ex-wife, the lawyers. His lawyers! I always wondered what man hires a female lawyer when he is going through a divorce from a woman. Isn’t that like the unwritten rule? Like when you’ve been abused by a man, as a woman, you know you have to hire a female lawyer. I was walking on egg shells that day again around him. It was very awkward and tense. They had also sent him a thick booklet to fill out. One of the questions was if he lived with someone in the house and whether they pay rent. He told me that the ex’s lawyers new about his new car. He said the only way they could have found out was from the neighbour who used to be friends with her. That night, around dinner, he said, “...I’M TELLING YOU, YOU CAN’T BE HERE! I CAN’T HAVE YOU HERE...”

Our first Thanksgiving together

While in Jew Jersey, Perry told me that for Thanksgiving, they normally have dinner at his sister's. He told me he and the sister don't get along, apparently nobody gets along with her. I don't know why they all go to someone's house whom they all don't like. Typical Thanksgiving behavior, right?

He wanted me to go along, I told her, I wasn't sure I'd be comfortable seeing as I would have been in San Diego only for two weeks. He then said he would buy turkey and we'd have our own Thanksgiving at home.  That was sweet but I didn't want to be the reason he was going to break family tradition. He insisted. 

He promised that after the divorce, when he got his settlement, he is going to buy himself a truck and I could have the car he is currently driving. He bought that car after the ex took both the cars they had when she left. Talk about taking someone to the cleaners! I wasn't crazy about that car, it's too big, too long both back and front. Maybe we could sell it and buy me a smaller car. preferably a convertible or SUV. Just saying!

Day before Thanksgiving, he told me he would have to give his mom a ride to the sister's. he has 8 siblings, I asked if nobody else could. He told me, he made a deal with his mom WHEN SHE GAVE HIM HER CAR that he would drive her wherever she needed to go. Gave you her car? Interesting, I know that's not what you told me, but ok. He told me he would drop her off, come hang out with me and then go pick her up. I was like, nah dude, don't do that, that's weird. Plus he was going to tell them he had to be somewhere with his business partner. If you were ok with me spending Thanksgiving with your family, why can't you tell them you are with me at home?

I also noticed how he made sure the blinds were closed whenever I turned the lights on at night, or how he got all nervous when I was roaming in the backyard and one of the neighbours was outside, or when we were either going to or coming out of the car, he'd be like, hurry up. You knew it was a slip of the tongue or he'd be like leave the grocery bags, get inside, I will bring them in myself, kinda like he didn't want anybody to see me. He wanted me there without me actually being there, make sense?

We went shopping for Thanksgiving after he decided we were going to have out own celebration at the house after their family's. He told me they usually are done around 6pm, so we could still have dinner at the house afterwards. He bought turkey for us. I was excited. My first Thanksgiving in America! With my future husband, what could be better, right?

Thanksgiving morning, he worked, then had lunch, then left for dinner which was supposed to start around 3 pm. He had lunch around 1 pm, which I thought was interesting, but what do I know about Thanksgiving dinners? I'm just a girl from Africa. He went to pick up his mom from the old age home, then off to his sister's they went.

I must say, I did enjoy being home alone for a change. I hung out on the comfy sofa in the living room and watched some stuff on the PC. I was expecting him around 7 latest. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten, nothing! No call, no nothing! He came home after ten pm so  stuffed he couldn't even breathe. He brought 'me' some dinner along. Pumpkin pie which I never had before, turkey, prepared all kinds of ways, lots of food in ziploc bags. It was too late for me to eat, I told him I'd have it the following day. He put it in the fridge. 

He couldn't even sit down, he was so full. All he kept saying was, I'm so stuffed! I'm so stuffed Whew! Uh, I can't breathe. I shouldn't have eaten so much. Gluttony is a sin. I was sitting there thinking to myself, 'Is this happening? Am I dreaming? WTF'

I went to bed and heard him throwing up in the bathroom. Nice!

I got up, all freaked out, went back to the living room, got on the phone with my sister and talked. I had to! I needed to. I was totally weirded out by this bulimic, middle aged man.

I must have been on the phone until early hours of the following day. It was already midnight when I got on the phone, so. So much for my first romantic Thanksgiving.

The next morning, he had the entire pumpkin pie before I even woke up. I'm talking about the entire thing, not a slice. You know the size of a milk tart? Yeah that. So I never got to even taste it, he had the rest of the food the following day or so. 

Poor little spoilt me

November 2012

Hello Kitty Sleepers and Hello Kity Chocolate

Besides spring cleaning, I watched lots of The Real Housewives of New York. This was while Perry was work and I was home alone. I had the laptop on while cleaning too at times just to distract me. Every now and then, Perry would watch an episode or two with me. Fun Times! I did watch his fave shows with him too; the Big Bang Theory, Friends (yeah the one and only), Sports (this was a bit of a challenge, but I tried)

I’d also tag along when he goes to the building department, interesting name for a department. He goes there so often he knows people, so we didn’t have to wait long. Thank goodness! The first time we went there, he took me out to lunch by the bay. Very sunny day! Totally the opposite of New Jersey, all snowy, cold and grey. We took a few pictures and enjoyed sea food on the balcony of a restaurant on the beach. Too cool!

The Restaurant, amazing, right?

Mixed sea food, yumness!

Back home, more work for him, more chill time for me. It was strange not having to check on Avon every now and again but I wasn’t complaining. I got to bond with the dogs and we were one big, happy family. It was really refreshing for me, because I grew up really afraid of dogs, once I got bitten by one at 8 years old or so, I really didn’t like them!

My perception of dogs changed since I’ve been in The US. That doesn’t mean I am going to let my guard down when I go back home, to Uitenhage. Those dogs were trained differently than the ones here. That’s a whole another political issue we won’t dwell on.

Poor picture, but that's the sweat set (track suit)

Perry took me shopping for winter stuff, Boots, Hello Kitty Sleepers, and a Sweat Set (track suit). My clothes hadn’t arrived on the mail yet. That was nice of him. I could wait a few more days, but he insisted.  What girl doesn’t want to get spoilt?

He baked cake quite often, as you may already know, here's my favorite; 

Red Velvet Before...

...and After. Paper Plates are a thing here when you don't feel like doing the dishes

Sunny San Diego!

The biggest bunch of Roses I ever got!

My first day on vacation! Perry had told me I could take all the time I needed chilling, and go back to work whenever I wanted or to school, or just be a house uhm person? Not wife yet! Or I could help him with his business. He could use someone who is computer savvy. His house is nice, 3 bedrooms, a living room, dining room, game room, kitchen, laundry, office and a huge Swimming pool at the back. There’s a canyon right at the back yard which makes for a beautiful view. 

Back Yard

I was up the usual time, after 5am! Only difference is, it was 2am in San Diego. By the time, it hit 7, when Perry finally woke up, I’d been up for hours chatting up a storm with my people back in South Africa. I didn’t do much that day. Perry had a few projects he was working on. He was busy all day. He bought lunch and brought it home. I chilled at home all day. I was tired, from having worked non-stop for months. It was weird not being at work. The whole thing was weird. It was like  I went to bed in one state and woke up in another. BAM! Just like that!

I was ordered to just chill, be it in bed or on the couch, but Perry was going to wait on me. He told me it was time somebody waited on Brook. Which was a very nice and thoughtful thing to say and do. He’s a great cook and makes a mean barbecue.

Barbecued (Braai'd) Pork, yams and mixed veggies

I spent the following days spring cleaning the house. There can be a difference between a house cleaned by a man and by a woman. I had to do it for my own peace of mind too. There was a lot of cleaning to be done! It kept me busy though. The only thing I couldn’t do was wash the dogs. I m not a big dog person. Still acclimatising myself in that area. It was nice to not have to worry about the dating site for a change. Or about job hunting or any of that stress.

Cute Fridge but it took me forever to clean

 Every now and then, I went along with him to the Building department when he was doing his architecture stuff. It was different. San Diego is so peaceful and sunny! The ex wife took both cars when she left him. He had to get a new car and had his truck (bakkie). He told me that when the divorce is finalised, he will give me the car he is currently using and buy himself a new truck, he’ll sell the house and split up the profit with ex-wife, build a new house and resell it, and buy or rent a another house for us to live in. I am going to decorate the new house whichever way I like as long as I will not paint the entire house Pink like his mom did. Fun!

So, we’re going to get married the day the divorce is finalised, I will get a new car, a new house to decorate, new husband, two dogs, I GOT IT MADE!

The View 

The few things I was excited to do in San Diego were going to the world famous San Diego Zoo, Apple farm where they make everything apple, Apple Crumble pie, Apple Juice, Apple Sauce, Apple whatever, Apple everything, you name it, they make it! I thought that was interesting. The house has a fireplace, so I was looking forward to winter nights, even though it doesn’t get that cold in Southern California, I was just excited about the smell of wood that Perry was going to fetch all the way up the mountain for us. Fun! Fun! Fun!

One of His Breakfasts