Adoptions and Fast Food

I ended up not going to the police. My sisters kept me occupied and calm on Skype. Imagine if something had happened and I was begged not to go to the police. How was I to get hold of El, he doesn't even have a cellphone! My gosh!

They recycle plastic at the house. As if there isn't enough going on in the apartment, there are garbage bins full of plastics, Pepsi empty bottles, yogurt, etc, very annoying. Sister is the one who does the recycling to make some pocked money for herself. One afternoon, El needed to go collect a parcel of his from a friend slash colleague of his. Here's a short story about this friend, it's a story I was told so many times, I could die!This guy is 28 or 30. He's gay, El is supposedly straight, the jury is still out on that! El is obsessed about this guy, he would like to ADOPT him! HE WANTS TO ADOPT A 30 YEAR OLD MAN! Is it me, or does that just not make any sense whatsoever? El wants to adopt a man who is the same age group as his girlfriend! This man, who he wants to adopt has his own apartment, nice apartment in a much nicer neighborhood than El's. That's where El has his mail delivered. It's a good 20-30 minutes drive from his place.

El's reason for wanting being so obsessed with adopting this man is because the guy is such a good person, he has a bright future ahead of him and El would like to mentor this guy, he (El) feels like he has a lot to offer, this guy and the world and this would be his way of giving back. WHAT THE FREAK? WHAAAATTTT? He told me that all his exes rolled their eyes whenever he told them that. Er, are you surprised. Poor El! the 18 year old he "dated" before me was a girl he met at work. He saw how intelligent he was and how bright her blah blah blah, he then decided to take her under his proverbial wing and mentored her. I hope he put a condom on his wing! She was the one who pushed to have a relationship because she found him so irresistible. He really never wanted to date her. Yeah, el! Okay! #BlankStare

On our way out to the car, heading for the Prospective adoptee's, El asked me to grab the garbage bins. I was like, oh no, this is not trash, it's your sister's recycle stuff. El was like, I know. He said so with such a smirk on his face. You just never know what that man is thinking or up to. But it's always no good, whatever he's up to. He told me he's the one who bought the stuff to begin with, and from the way she had been treating me, she didn't deserve the stuff, he was going to recycle the plastic, to spite her, if anything else. Wow! Ok!

He was yapping in the car about the guy and how  much he really wants to adopt him, whatevz! We got to the recycle yard, some of the bottles were never opened, full of Pepsi, and were ready to explode from the heat. Some were half full, we had to empty them up. I was so not interested. I kept pinching myself, what had my life gotten to? I mean, it was homeless people and us! El cut in front of all those people and went straight to the front. Lord, so embarrassing. Where did I find this man? All of a sudden he is better than the people at the recycle yard, dude, you're here for the very same reason they are, chill out! They let him cut in front of them, he can be very charming, how do you think he got me? The guy's a salesman!

We got a little more than $5. He came in the car going hahahahaha, you know the evil laugh? I had a feeling, he wasn't trying to spite nobody, he was putting cash in his pocket, he needed it! WE drove forever to the guy's house. El was going to pick up a cart, one that looks just like the one I paid for when he "borrowed" money from me after our amazing time in LA.

I got hungry on the way there, we had left the apartment before lunch, daddy said he would buy us lunch on the way, he asked what I wanted. I was like, anything. I'm easy to please :)
We passed to many fast food places, he kept saying, the next one. Then he told me he wanted me to try some hot wings, highly recommended (probably highly cheap too, but who's counting? Right?) . Then he was like, no I will get you pizza. Then it was fish burgers. I said, you know what? KFC. What? KFC! Or the colonel! I'm like, who says that? " It's the colonel! Colonel Saunders!" Uhm, I know that, but nobody calls KFC that, come on now! "we do, here in the states!" Ai, I rest my case! Anyway, he told me we had passed KFC, he was going to buy it for me on our way back.

We arrived at his "adopted son's" apartment block, which a nice place! I asked El if his colleague can afford to stay there, why does he move there too, cos he told me he likes the place. He was like, I knew you were going to say that. Every time I bring a girl here, they ask me the same question! Ugh, turn off! Why you gotta bring up your exes every time we talk about stuff, yuck! the package was outside this guy's door, or at least some random person's apartment door, we got there, we grabbed it, we left. It was really random. That could have been any body's parcel really. Turns out El had never been inside that apartment. For all you know the poor guy doesn't even know he has his parcels delivered there. for all you know, he doesn't even know El plans to adopt him! Maybe he's not even up for adoption! His probably not in the system!

Anyway, we left, with me exited, I was finally gonna have something to eat. It had been a while since I had KFC. As we approached KFC, El, told me it was going to be cheaper to get me Buffet. That way, I could have a variety of food. Ok! At that point, I didn't even care. He told me he wasn't hungry, he was just going to get one meal for me. Fair enough. weird, cos he's always hungry, but ok. I'll take it!

On our way to hometown buffet, we drove past a van (caravan),he asked if  I would still love him if he moved us into one of those after his mother dies. I was like, say what nah? He laughed and told me he was serious, he had been planning to do that for the longest time. He told me he doesn't get why people pay so much rent for accommodation when they spend most of their time at work, he said all he needs a house for is for sleeping. He was going to downsize after his mother's passing. I was like, what is it about the men I date? Is it me or what? For some reason, they all want to downsize into caravans. Of course we spent a while arguing that those are not called caravans, whatever Mistra Know It all! I thought to myself, I'd be damned! I didn't come to America to be homeless. Especially with a much older narcissistic man, over my dead body! I quietly went, "of course, I'll go anywhere with you! I love you!" He laughed and said, I hope you will still love me when we live in a van! We got out of the car and he was like, "You're going to pay, right?" AWKWARD! all this time, he knew he was going to make me pay? I mean, I don't care, but why did you waste so much time, if you knew I'm paying? I could have bought food at the first place we saw!

Remember the reason he took me to Hometown Buffet was because it's cheaper and I was going to get a nice variety of food. I got there, he picked two containers (one for me AND ONE FOR HIM!). My treat! He was treating himself with my money! What a loser! Gosh! My heat beat faster and faster, until I had to say something, I was like,you said you were not hungry, all of a sudden, you're hungry and I'm paying, plus this place is more expensive than KFC, what is this? Don't get me wrong, I don't care about any of that, my point was the principle of it. He pissed me off, that's all! He was acting very shady!

He just smiled, and ignored my pissed offness, he got tons of food, telling me, he was going to share with his sister and his mother. Boy have I head that story before. We all know his sister and his mommy live in his belly. We dished up, I paid, we left. I started eating in the car, he asked me to spoon feed him. Meaning, I shouldn't eat, I should dedicate my time to him. Always the case, so annoying. Plus, I thought you weren't hungry? He got pissed that I wasn't doing it right, so he grabbed the fort and started focusing on the pate.  HELLO, L.A. TRAFFIC, eyes on the road, driver!

We dropped the package off at his storage in Hollywood. When we got home, he took whatever was left of his food into the bedroom, munched some more, then put sloppy left overs in the fridge. He told his sister that was going to be his lunch for the following day, they shouldn't touch it.

Jerry Springer

Still nothing on the job front. I spent my time, hanging around the apartment, going out with El on his off days, the sister, the works.

I started picking up weird vibes from El's sister. I didn't know what triggered them and didn't want to be forward and ask. I would mention something to El, instead he would make the whole thing about him. He enjoyed hearing someone trash his sister, if you want to make his day, talk badly about his sister. I tried not to go there, all I wanted to know was what changed. El would keep egging me on to beat her up, he would say things like, my ex would have already beat her up by now. Or, can you see why someone would just wanna beat her up, or doesn't she make you just wanna beat her up? No, grandpa, she doesn't! I am not that kind of person! Haven't you met me? I'm a lady, what the heck!


I remember when I was still San Diego, he would always ask me on our teleconversations if I had been or know of anybody who had been on the Jerry Springer show. He told me that one of his exes cousin had been. Her story had been so crazy, they did a follow up show on it, so she was there twice. Yeah, sure #RollEyes.

One morning, everybody was home, I had just woken up. Whenever El got up, first thing he would do, would be to go to the kitchen to grab something to eat, he would eat throughout the day and night! The scenario would be him getting up, jumping out of bed as if he just remembered something very important, open the bedroom door. Sister sleeps in the living room but she gets up very early, he would as much as open the door and she would start, then they would have a huge argument. Every single morning. It would escalate to the point where I would freak out cos I thought it was going to get physical. It never did. This particular morning, I went to the kitchen, El was still asleep, sister was watching TV, she made some snide remarks about fat, black women. There was a fat, black lady on tv who had just won lots of money on a game show. Sister went on about how she doesn't get why that lady would be so happy being so fat, I was like, because she just won a lot of money, wouldn't you be happy? She went on and on about how there's nothing to be happy about looking like she does, blah blah blah, it was personal. It had nothing to do with that lady.

I didn't get why she was being so mean, I took my delayed reaction and went back to the bedroom. I told El what had just happened. He really didn't care, he told me stories about how she is racist and intolerant and bah and bla and and and. Whatever, I went back on my bff, my laptop and tuned them all out. Sister was still carrying on in the living room about young, fat, black ladies sleeping with black me for money. I could hear her. You could tell she had intended for me to. I told El that if I dated older white men for money, I definitely never would have met his sister, because I wouldn't have been with El. Come on now, dude works at Sears, lives with his mom, his sister and her two cats in a two bed apartment. Let's be realistic now! El started again with his, "I wouldn't blame you at all for beating her up, that's what my ex would have done by now..."

He got up and went to the kitchen, I told him not to confront her about it, I got it! i wanted to handle it myself. Of course, the moment he opened the door, they started with their usual fights. Sometimes El would speak softly, I wouldn't hear everything he said but the sister can yell! After their morning argument. I could tell that the argument was about me, but I didn't know what exactly El was saying. From Sister's responses, it sounded like he was defending me, which was nice of him. I'm not used to people being on my side, I'm used to fighting my own battles, or rather not fighting, just ignore and move on. He had asked me before he went to the kitchen, "I'm about to go out there now, are you going to follow me and beat her up while I'm out there?" The tone in which he asked the question was rather ambiguous, I couldn't tell if he meant that he wished I would or he would have preferred I didn't. Either way, I would do no such thing. I did tell him that at some point, I was gonna go get myself a drink of water, so of course I did. He was standing in the kitchen, she was standing in front of him, there wasn't that much space to move, I walked towards them, she turned around to face me, got all up in my face, was yelling and spitting and being all round scary and gross, she was so in a zone, her eyes looked like they were gonna pop out.

I stood there waiting for her to get out of the way so I could pass and go to the kitchen. She was punching her hand, literally inches away from my face, saying, "I can take you down! I'm not scared of you, come on mutha fcker, come on!" I tell ya, I'd never seen anything like it! I was glad Elvis was there, to, hopefully chime in, should she completely lose it. I did not utter a word. Surprisingly, neither did El. I wasn't sure what to make of that. He just stood there and watched. She finally got out of the way, by then so many emotions were going through me, I was shaking. I got my water and went back to the bedroom. On my way back, she was standing in front of the bedroom. she always wanted us to keep the bedroom door closed because if the cats got in there and hid behind all the clutter, it was a mission to get them out. To spite her, I left the door open. She stood in front of the bedroom with both cats in hand and was shoving them in my face. The cats were ready to scratch me, they were making the sound cats make when they're pissed off. I was in trouble. El had already gone back to the bedroom. I stood there praying that the cats wouldn't scratch my face. Who knows what kind of grossness and diseases was under their claws? It was a very scary moment, a very scary day altogether, really. I cringe when I think about it.

When I got back in the room, El was about to leave. He, for the first time since I had moved in, needed to go somewhere and wasn't gonna take me with him. He always took me along. He said, "Don't do anything stupid ok?" All I told him was, I was going to call the police because she had threatened me and I wasn't feeling safe anymore. He persuaded me not to call the cops, he told me daddy is there for me, nothing will happen to me as long as he's around. I was like but you just stood there when she was in my face intimidating me. He said that that was because he wasn't scared. ER, hello! It wasn't for you to be scared! You weren't being intimidated, I was, WTF!

He left me there with that raging monster!

I locked the bedroom door and skyped my BFF's, my sisters! The sister was still carrying on and on about "you're going down mutha fcker, you're going down!" My sisters could hear her. It was a crazy day in that apartment that day. I sat in there until El came back. He was gone for quite a while. So much for the sisterhood!

Sexual Harassment

So Elvis had nothing nice to say about his sister. I mean, I have more nice things to say about her than him and He's the Daddy! Amongst other things, he told  me how the sister met her late ex-husband. He told me that he was married. Sister was single. He was a mechanic, she needed her car fixed, so she used to go to him, and paid him in kindness. Apparently she would go there even when she didn't need the car fixed. Anyway, they ended up together. The guy was married with a new born baby. He impregnated sister and subsequently left the wife and the baby to be with Sister. Apparently Sister showed no remorse for breaking up a "happy family" apparently, she and this lady were friends too. They had been friends since high school but the sister didn't care, she was doing her. Anyway, I thought wow, what kind of person does that to a friend! I had to take it with a pinch of salt because Sister was nothing but kind to me. It wasn't fair of me to judge and Elvis has been known to twist the truth. Like how he told me to tell the sister, if she asked that we knew each other before, I had to move to New York to be with my family. I had been back in the west coast for a while, the water something heater thing had broken in my apartment and the landlord kicked us out (my roommates and I), so he could fix it. None of that happened, obviously! And i had to lie and say  I was in my mid forties. Says someone who dated an 18 year old two years prior, ACCORDING TO HIM #SideLook. I never told sister that, lying is not my thing. I never told her how we really met either, I would just change the subject whenever that came up. Very uncomfortable! So at the laundromat, she asked me if he had ever taken me to a nice restaurant. That made me think a little. I mean we had been to a restaurant or two, but I don't know Nice American Restaurants. She was like, I don't mean, fast food restaurants, I just laughed that off and change the subject. she did give me something to think about though.

Anyway, one afternoon, while cleaning the house, I decided to tackle the kitchen, or the fridge because that was a project on its own. They had all kinds of old, rotten stuff in there, some from 2009, more than 3 years old, in fact, that stuff expired in 2009. Who knows how long it had been there? I cleaned the freezer, the top shelf of the fridge and Sister came home. She talked about herself non-stop, standing in front of the fridge, it's a small kitchen. It's also a small apartment, she could have just sat on her couch/bed, in the living room  and talked. I would have heard her, she was loud enough. She gets really passionate when she tells these stories of hers. All of which I have already heard from El. Only, their versions are polar opposites of each other. She was telling me about her son, how much she misses him, how their relationship became estranged, etc.

I promise, I will, as soon as the internet permits, show you pictures, I will see if I can post one of Sister's son and just fog it out a bit, dude is foine!!!! Anyway, I thought, seeing as I had heard that story a gazillion times already, that was a great opportunity for me to ask her how she met the son's father. She was already telling me about how he was so abusive, she loved him so much, but she had to leave him because she needed to live! I had to leave! I had to live! Lordy! She was on a trip about how she is so alone, the only sibling she has is a nuisance, her mother is dying, she never really loved her because she didn't do much when she got raped, the one person who really loved her was her father, but he died; he only child wants nothing to do with her and her husband died, his family didn't even tell her so she missed his funeral. HO- HOL- HOLD UP!  You missed your own husband's funeral? How did you get that right? First of all, how could you not know he passed away? excuse me! Excuse me! Sorry! Sorry, Just a sec! Can you... I just wanted her to be done with the stories already because she was standing in my way, I'm trying to clean here! When I was done with the first shelf, she told me, "that's enough, the rest of it is fine" Uhm, I'm sure it is, but I'm bored, let me do the rest of it! What the H! Don't tell me what to do! This wasn't your idea to begin with!

Anyway, she told me how she met him, he had just gotten separated from his wife, blah blah blah, they became friends, then once the divorce was finalised they got together. You should have heard me fire her with all kinds of questions cos I had already heard someone else's version of the story, I wanted to see who was lying. It was very close. Who am I fooling, It wasn't close, I still don't know who was telling the truth. for some reason, the money is on El though, his version was a complete lie! To cut a long story short, everything that El told me had happened, only it wasn't Sister who did all those things, it was an old friend of Sister's who was trying to steal him from Sister. they never had a kid together though, the friend and sister's hubby.

By the time he died, him and sister had long divorced, because she had to leave because she needed to live. For her son.

Elvis told me some interesting stories about the son and Sister too. Apparently, sister had a great job for 13 years with the same company. She lived a lavish life and I suspect El can't get over that, even though he "has a Business Administration degree" and was a manager of a few stores once. #SideLook

One of the stories are that, she was jobless on one of the Son's birthdays. She decided to take him to a fancy restaurant. They had everything they wanted, when came time to pay, she sent him to the car to get something, and followed right after him. They never paid for their meal. Allegedly! Remember, pinch of salt!

The stories are endless. It's a darn shame that a Brother will tell such character assassinating stories about his own sister, I really didn't need to know any of this, I didn't need to hear those stories, they have nothing to do with El and I. Instead of him talking about his eyes and maintaining eye contact while doing so, he would rather close his eye and talk about his sister. What a shame!

He did talk about his Exes, the 18 year old who was amazing in bed and the twenty something year old he had recently broken up with who was all boobs and a*s; the one who had videos on youtube, etc.

While he was on sick leave, he took me to his Storage garage. I had been there a few times already. It's in Hollywood right by some recording studio. I'm forgetting the name, I have pictures though, you will see on the upcoming picture blog. Everybody who is Anybody had recorded there. It was quite awesome being right by the gate of it! Anyway, we went to the garage, he wanted me to see that he had stuff, he wasn't just some guy blah blah blah, he has his car in there, a 1940 something Dodge challenger. He had owned the car since he was 16 and had been moving around with it in all his moves from all the house he had "owned".It's a project he had been working on for the past ten years. The thing is stripped and freshly painted, and he wonders why it has a few scratches already. He is going to get someone to fix the scratches, before they even work on the engine. I was like, how about you finish fixing it first, then paint it? He said, because that's not how you do it! Ok then!

He has it parked in the storage with tons and tons of stuff on top of it, I mean, he has tents, cat cages, and I don't know what, granted, he covered it up with a blanket, but still! He has a Coca Cola Fridge from some century in there, which, he says eventually, when he has his own house (without me, I ain't sticking around for that sht), he will have a man cave with all kinds of Coca Cola Memorabilia blah blah blah. He asked if I would let him have such a "cave" I was like, of course! Love you! (yuck!) He has more coca cola stuff in the apartment and another fridge! he also has a venting machine that sells everything for ten cents. He says he will have ten cents coins and give him to his guest whenever they want to buy coke. Nice idea, daddy! ON PAPER!

From Hollywood, we went to Walmart, then back home. Late that night, went to a different 99 cents store. One we had never been to before. I tell you they are a dime a dozen in LA, no pun intended. On our way there, the mood in the car was rather sombre. He asked if I trusted him. "Of course, I do! What's up?" I really don't. He told me that there's a case brewing at his work. Sexual Harassment. Tink! A bell rang in my head, he was probably suspended as a result of the case, he didn't have no flu, he was as good as rain! He told me that there's a girl at work who always goes to his dept to hang out with his colleague. She always says hi, how are you to him and that's it. But for some reason, his manager, because he is such a great employee, told him off the record that that girl filed a sexual harassment case against him. Apparently there's something she claims he said to him even though they hardly ever talk to each other. He told me that that girl is a poor employee, is still new, still on her three month probation and probably wants to get permanent by throwing him under the bus. He doesn't think it's personal, just his luck that she picked him.

He told me that he knows things about that girl, things that if he would tell she could lose her job but it was too late for him to say anything because, why was he quiet all along? It wasn't gonna be a good look. He told me that that's where I come in. Me? What'd I do? Well, I need you to call in or fax a letter to work reporting this girl. Tell them that you saw her pocketing money from the cash register blah blah blah. I knew there and then that I was doing no such thing, screw him, let his dodgy s go down! Chances are he's guilty anyway! He told me he had already asked Sister to write a letter to the job, he told her how to word it. She is working on it. I was like, I'm surprised she agreed to that. He was like, She owes me a lot, she will do anything I say. Wow! I'm glad I don't owe you sht then cos I ain't doing that!

We went in, got what we needed, then left. It was a really weird ride back home. With him dropping a bomb like that to me. He had been talking a lot about quiting his job around those days. It all made sense!

The Grove, Los Angeles

Sister and I went on another fun trip together. Daddy was on sick leave, he had the flu. I don't think he did, but that's what he said, so hey! He took me with him to the 99cents store to buy some "groceries", you know "something for everybody"! First of all if you're going to do your groceries at the 99cents store, you should really buy something for everybody because it basically costs you nothing! I mean, really now! We got a few things, tons of chicken soup for daddy, Diet Pepsi, you know, the usual! He had a list from Sister, which he never looked at once. He was buying off the top of his head. I reminded him that he needed bath soap, he seemed pissed off that I dead, he breathed really funny and seemed really ticked off of the fact. I mean, listen.... I had my own toiletries, always have. I have lived with all kinds of people but never expected anybody to do anything for me, or buy me anything! Least of all buy me a three pack of soap for a buck. I'm from Africa, but even I can afford that much! This was for him, there's this glycerine something something, orange, translucent, soap he uses. It looks kinda like Breeze, but is round in shape. Never mind, I forgot that round is not a shape haha, just kidding. Anyway,he grabbed the soap, threw it in the cart (trolley). Later on, I told him that we needed air freshener. We needed more than air freshener, we needed anti-viral stuff, anti-bacteria, all round cleaner, anti-fungal, anti-everything, AND THEN air freshener, but I thought I'd keep it light and just tell him to get air fresher. He got livid! He stomped his feet, closed his eyes, clenched his feet and breathed funny again. I was like, Elvis, you really don't have to buy this! I have money, I will buy it myself, I'm obviously the only one who is bothered by the stench in that apartment, don't worry about it! I will buy it myself, Gosh!

He was like, why are you talking that way? You know I will do anything for you, tell me what you need and I will be happy to get it for you. Uhm, no thanks s-hole, I will come back here and get everything I need as I always do anyway. The 99 cents store is a five minute walk from the apartment. I've walked longer. Remember the way to the Bank of America?

He wanted to buy candles, I told him not to worry about it. I probably would have thrown them in the trash can soon as we got home, just to make a point. Good thing he ended up saving his 99cents. I remember while he was still "sick with the flu", well, even when he was, he is always about himself. It doesn't matter if you are taking a minute and are having "a bite to eat" as he always calls it. More like a thousand bites, let's not go there! he got up, went to the kitchen, got himself some diet Pepsi and drank out of the bottle. He kept it in the bedroom, he then asked me to go BACK to the kitchen and fix daddy some chicken soup. The soup he bought was in cans, all you had to do was open the can, it already came with the thing, you didn't need a can opener or anything; pour it into a bowl and heat it up. That was obviously too much work for daddy, plus he was the bread winner as he always made sure to remind us, therefore he could have someone do those kinds of things for him. I went and made him the soup, then he asked me to do this and that and the other. Fine! I went and fixed myself some breakfast, cheerios, milk, and bananas. All Stuff I bought with my own money. I had the first bite, he asked me to do something for him, I got so pissed off, it was hard for me to even swallow. "calm down, Brook", I thought to myself. Don't let him get to you. You know, the things that Elvis Does, you sometimes wonder if he does them just to see how you're going to react, or he really is just an a hole!

I sat down, had another bite, he had something else that he wanted me to do for him again! I lost it! "You know what? I have a better Idea! Why don't I not sit down and eat for a second, and just cater to you all the days of my life? Every minute of it?" He looked at me with one of his blank stares, I threw away my breakfast into the toilet bowl and flushed it down. He said nothing, then I went and did everything he wanted me to do. I asked him if there were anything else he needed me to do. He was like, that's it, thanks. Don't piss me off because, I first turn a blind eye, and again and again, then when I can't take it anymore, you can't stop me from talking, I will go on and on and on AND ON! It's like crying, I try not to go there, but once I get there! There's no turning back, cos by then I will be crying all the uncried tears, so to speak.

I was ready to have him go back to work, being stuck in that house with him, was driving me up the friggin wall! That evening, Sister was gonna take the cats for a drive, yeah, I know! She asked if I wanted to tag along. I was like, heck yeah! In fact, yes please! Elvis was like, please tell Sister to come here. Cos he's the boss, everybody will be summoned to his room every now and again. She went over there, I waited for her by the door. She came out tearing up. What now? "Elvis know that I was raped!" (yeah more than forty years ago, what's your point). dont' get me wrong, I mean no respect to anybody who was raped, I'm from South Africa, we are one of the top five countries when it comes to rape, I have nothing but love for anybody who went through that! But you have to have met this person to get where I'm coming from. She went on to explain that he could be nicer to her, instead he is mean to her, every chance he gets. I asked what happened in the bedroom. I mean, she literally was in there for a minute and came out crying. By the way, they've known each other all their lives, and it took him less than a minute to reduce her to tears and I had only known her for what? Five minutes? He is the most difficult person to deal with. I use the term person lightly, sometimes I wonder!

She told me that he told her to take care of me. That's all he said! But she got upset that he is concerned about a person he met a few minutes ago, instead of his own sister, blah blah blah. I was just like, are you ready? Let's go! I thought it was cute that Elvis said that. He really meant no harm, she was being petty. What does being raped have to do with all that? What if I was raped too? Come on now!

We got in the van, she pumped up some music, she had to go to the mechanic to pay for some bill that Elvis was supposed to pay for. He lied and said that he did, turned out, he didn't. Anyway, we drove over there, really hectic part of LA, fortunately, we were in and out. Then she asked if I had ever been to the Grove. This is where Mario Lopez' TV Show, Extra is filmed. I was psyched to get a chance to go. You never know who you will see. Of course it was at night, the show films in day time, but I was still excited to know that's where we were going.

It was cold that night in LA. It was winter but there's no such a season in LA, so yeah :) We found parking, bought frozen yoghurt, don't ask! I wasn't gonna be that girl who says no to frozen yogurt in winter. We walked around, window shopping. They have some nice stores out there. It's really beautiful and romantic, there were lots of couples, walking hand in hand.  We were there for a while, talking. They had gas heaters outside on the side walk, we would stop at them and then keep going. Eventually we went back home, not before she took me for a drive around LA. She said, you know, I enjoy taking you on these drives, we have fun together. Don't tell El, he doesn't like it when people are happy. If he finds that out, he will make sure we never go anywhere together again. I was like, how would he ensure that? Unless he was going to do a Mariah Carey on me, I didn't see that happening, what with him being at work all day and Sister and I home together.

By the way, in case you're wondering, I was looking for a job, during this time. It was just hard, no interviews, nothing. Sister and I were looking for the same kinds of jobs. Anyway, we got home, El asked how it was, I told him, it was great! That his sister and I always had fun together. I wasn't gonna lie about that and discredit her sister, she was nice to me. I didn't expect it, she didn't have to, but she was!

Oh Daddy!

My first few days at El’s, I had to do what I’ve gotten good at, CLEANING! There isn’t space to put anything, my bags are on top on boxes here, my stuff still in bags, hot mess! He promised to get me a rack where we can hang my stuff. But, DADDY, wouldn’t we need space to put the rack first? #RhetoricalQuestion. Rack never came anyway, so. The closet is not full, we could put some of my stuff there. Thing is, there’s no way of accessing the closet, there’s stuff in front of it. His uniform, a few Levi’s jeans and T-Shirts hang outside the closet, did I say hot mess? I mean, Perry’s was in a state but he has nothing on El. I did try to clean, nonetheless. I vacuumed the entire house, including his mom’s. The entire house looked like it hadn’t been vacuumed in forever, or cleaned in that period of time.

Trust me, I’m not a neat freak at all. I like a lived in place, but these houses are just in a whole another state! I have never seen houses in that State anywhere else I have been in the whole world, granted I haven’t been to that many places, but I was all over Georgia and to a few parts of South Africa, never ever would have made up the state of these houses! When they got home, Sister didn’t say anything, I didn’t want or expect her to. El did thank me for tidying up. That was nice. He told me he owed me a Tommy’s burger. Those are his favourite burgers, whenever he “treated me” to them, he really was just treating himself, but ok, whatevz DADDY. One day, I just had to say, NO, I don’t want another Tommy’s burger! Why don’t you get me something I like? Or ask me what I want, instead of treating yourself to a Tommy’s burger every time, I do something nice!

Sister and I continued to bond during the day whenever her Very hungry man, aka DZADDZY was at work. I had to beg daddy to take me to the Laundromat to do his laundry, I couldn’t stand him wearing that dirty uniform any more. He finally gave me some money, I wanted to use my own, but he insisted, he told me he wasn’t Perry, he was going to pay. I don’t know why he had to bring someone down to lift himself up. Perry doesn’t wear dirty uniform to work, he doesn’t wear uniform, he’s self employed and he wears clean clothes when he goes out to see clients, and he has a laundry in his house. Anyway, Sister and I took a drive in her Van aka House to the Coin Laundry. The cats were chilling at the back of the van on top of a pile of stuff. She had everything from everything to it all in there. I mean it is her house, so yeah. Just as packed as the apartment. She made room for me in the passenger seat, turned on the radio and we sang along. Fun times, whoot!

We forgot to take detergent with us, so we had to buy some,  She ran across the street and got us some, we did a few loads, hers (including dish towels, yuck!), ours, and the mom’s. I don’t get why people wash their dirty clothes, underwear and all with their dish towels. That is something I can never get used to, ever! Why not use your bath towels to dry the dishes while at it? Anyway, I personally never use the dish towels for my own sanity. While waiting for our laundry, we went next door and grabbed us donuts. Yumness! She treated, which was nice. She got us a donut each. It was dinner time, I was hungry, I went back for another donut, she gave me this speech about the amount of sugar in those donuts, the calories, fat, weight, fat, Fat, Fat, FAT. STFU! Nobody cares, mind your own business! For that reason, I went an got ANOTHER donut, just to spite her, she could’ve died, she was like, are you sure you don’t wanna just get an onion bagel and split it in half with me? No, Btch, I don’t want an onion bagel after eating a sweet donut, plus, I hate onion, the Fck’s wrong with you? Of course I didn’t say that to hear, but I sure thought it!

I tell you, she freaked out so much, she could have grabbed it from me and flushed it down the toilet if she could. Woulda, coulda, shoulda! She bought a diet pepsi, drank it half way and I don’t know what happened, but it disappeared. That was the highlight of the night! Seeing her look for her half full glass of Diet Pepsi hahaha! She never found it. She bamed the Mexicans for it. I don’t blame her though, they were the only other people in there. She and her brother aren’t really tolerant to races other than their own, white. Let alone that her brother dates black woman and cries when he sees black people suffer on TV. All a facade!

When El sees a black or “brown” (Latina/Hispanic/Mexican) person on the sidewalk (pavement) wanting to cross the street, he stops for them and stops talking (cos he’s always talking, he loves the sound of his own voice). He shuts up for a second so he can hear me clearly when I compliment him for being a nice person for stopping for these poor, previously disadvantaged people. What do I do? I say nothing. Mum! What does he then do, he wants it so bad, he can taste it, in this case, hear it, from his own mouth, he unintentionally utters, “that was nice!” I ain’t kidding you! He compliments himself! I juuuusssttt! I can’t even! I just go, ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? Didn’t you just say that to your own self? He’d then say, “no, I meant it’s nice that he ran across the street. He didn’t want to keep me waiting for him cross?” PLEASE?!!?!?! Whatever! I can’t even deal with you right now! He has done that on numerous occasions! I refuse to call him nice for doing that, sorry. Not if he’s doing it for the compliment, I apologise! He might as well call me the most negative person he’s ever met, I don’t care. I choose that to calling him nice for that! That’s preposterous. By the way, he has called me the most negative person, no hair off my back!

We went back home, just in time for Sister to fix dinner. She had to be the one cooking. It was her thing, El told me that before I even moved in that I could fix myself whatever I wanted but she was the cook of the family. Even though she isn’t any good, according him, you know him and his back handed compliments,  he was a much better cook, again, according to him. He’s also the better singer, like how he cried so much at their beloved brother’s funeral, not because they lost him but because Sister sang at the funeral and sucked so much, the pain of hearing her sing was worse than the loss itself and the loss was great! Ok El!

Trying to find something nice to type about El..... Give me a second, or two......

He wanted me to sell some of the stuff that’s filled up the apartment. He asked me to open up a bank account under my name for that. I went online, compared the different banks because he didn’t want me to just use the same bank I bank with. I’m happy with it, so why not, right? I could just get a second account with them, no questions asked. He told me he specifically wanted BOA (Bank of America), they apparently have better rates or whatever, they don’t! I looked them up on the GPS, they seemed close enough. 15 minutes walk from the apartment. I walked there. Couldn’t find it, kept asking people for directions, everybody pointed me to a different directions. My GPS pointed me to another, what in the heck! I was trying not to get frustrated, some people, majority of the people I asked directions from, didn’t speak English at all or not enough to help me, even though they really wanted to help. Until this one guy was like, come with me, I’m going to that direction. Score! I tried to walk with him. He was walking so fast, I was tired at that point and I have this thing, that I loathe, that comes and goes out of the blue of having my skin itch to a point that it stings when I walk. Not all the time, so even though I have had it all my life, it’s not always on my mind, because, it comes and goes, I hate it! Know what I’m talking about? I sometimes have it when I am on a treadmill. Anyway, My whole body was tingling, I couldn’t walk anymore. The guy thought I was being lazy. I asked him if it were in walking distance, the bank, or if I should take the bus. He talked me it was a few blocks away. It was another 15-20 minutes away! When I finally got there, I was like Elvis better appreciate this! They gave me their rates, they were more expensive than my bank and wanted a whole lot of stuff and El didn’t want me to open up the account right away, blah blah

I was definitely not going to walk back! I took the bus back. Fortunately, the stop was right outside the bank. I got to the bank just in time! I was one of the last people in before they closed. Imagine if I had missed it? I went to the donut store on my way home, treated myself to a couple, without anybody judging me, and munched on them on my way home. That was my treat every now and again. When El got home, I told him about the nightmare trip to the bank, his response,  “don’t worry, daddy will take you to the bank tomorrow, he’s off anyway.” Uhm, I just got back from the bank! Daddy wants to go himself. What a jerk! All that for nothing! Thanks El

We went to the bank the following day, we went to a few different ones. He collected pamphlets from all of them, which he never looked at. He bought a packet of disgusting cookies and ate them all up by himself in the car with me sitting right there. I didn’t want them, but he could’ve offered. Plus I have the money to buy myself cookies, or whatever I want, it’s just the principle of it, DADDY!

My sister had told me of a sister of her best friend’s who lives in the US, has been here for years. She gave her my number and got hers for me to call her if and whenever. I called her that day, while daddy was doing his bank runs. We talked for a while, she had gone through the same stuff I had in Connecticut with our very “friendly” South African “friends”. It was nice to finally talk to someone who got it, got it, you know? Daddy got back, I had to go. I didn’t wanna be that person who was talking on the phone in a foreign language, he told me he didn’t mind. Yeah, sure! Or should I say, that was nice?

The bank account was never opened.

My sister’s friend’s sister lives in Utah, you know the Mormon State? Hashtag ChurchOfJesusDayOfLatterDaySAint

Daddy this, Daddy that!

We watched a little bit of Idol with Sister when she was done cooking, before El got home. I must say, I wasn’t dying for him to get home that day, unlike the day before. He got home a couple of hours or so thereafter. We hung out in the living room, I went to bed, Americans don’t go to bed like we do, like between 8 and 10pm, they stay up until 1/2am, partly because they have totally different working hours here.

Not too long after moving in with El, he told me he wanted to buy a tv and out it in the bedroom for me. He didn’t want me to be stuck “with Psycho sis” in the living room. I thought that was a nice gesture,but I really don’t need a tv. If I have internet, I’m good, I watch whatever I want online anyway, no commercials. I watch Commercials in South Africa, because there’s a chance I’m in one of them ;)

Anyway, one night, he took me to Sears, his work, it was a good 30 minute drive. On our way there, I told him  I was hungry, he stopped by some fast food restaurant, he bout us two fish burgers, and told me he wanted me to try their potato wedges, they are the best “according to him” we got there, only ordered the burgers, I thought, ok, maybe we will get the wedges some other time. I didn’t care, I just wanted to eat, something, anything. They gave us one burger, as we drove off, I asked him if we didn’t pay for two. We did, he made a U-turn, rushed back to the place, as he pulled up  by the window, the guy had our burger in hand. El said, “I want something for my trouble!” Ugh, why! So embarrassing! So cheap! They offered him something from their dollar menu, he already had something in mind, the wedges.  They made gave us some. I was dying with humiliation.

He was so proud of himself, ‘you see, daddy is very smart’ Yuck, stop that! Stop referring to yourself as daddy, that’s weird! WTF. He told me to take one and try it out, he ate the rest! Again WTF, what kind of a daddy does that to her only daughter, smdh. The fish burger was good, I mean it was ok, two for $5. We got to his work place, I had to wait in the car, not sure why, but ok. This is like after 9pm. He was in there for a good hour or so. He came back with a cute little 32 inch tv. Samsung. I had to thank daddy so much for buying that for me.

WE put it on the chest of drawers, he watched American Idol that very night. It was still audition episodes. We had the light off and just watched, well, I was on my laptop, he was watching and eating both our dinners. I remember feeling his hand grab mine, he directed my hand to his eyes, he was crying. It was over a black guy who was homeless and used to sing for quarters in the subway in NYC, he made it through to Hollywood round. I didn’t care. El obviously cared enough, or more than enough. I was like what are you doing? “See, daddy is very sensitive (FAKE), he doesn’t like it when people suffer,blah blah blah yada yada ya”. His sister had told me the day she was offloading, that he likes to cry whenever he sees black people suffer, he feels nothing for his fellow white folks. It means nothing to me, and I’m sure I speak for the entire black species when I say that. It really does nothing for me. It doesn’t make him love him any more. In fact,  on the contrary cos he comes across as fake when he does that. The fck you cryin about? STFU. I’m black, and I’m not crying, what are you doing? #racist

From then on, whenever he is in the living room or working on his computer, he changes the channel on the big TV in the living room and forces the sister to watch whatever he wants, when he is in the bedroom, he does the same there. Well, he doesn’t have to change the channel cos I just don’t use the tv. So whichever channel he left it on, is the channel he will find it on when he turns it back on. He didn’t buy that TV for me. He doesn’t do anything for anybody else but himself. Even when we go grocery shopping, and he says oh yeah here’s my sister’s list, stuff for mommy, blah blah blah, all that stuff is going to his gut. He’s gonna eat it all up, before they can say Food. Give me a break! “Daddy bought you a TV” my s.

When he asked me how it went with her sister the day we went out together, I had to tell him. I really was torn about it, but I had to tell him, just in case, that was some kind of a test. I didn’t want to be kicked out, homeless in LA, that would have made for a good blog but I wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t seem surprised, there is this thing about El that I can’t really describe. When he is supposed to show appreciation or is supposed to be surprised, he won’t show it. He will act like whatever, who cares. It’s a very holier than thou type of attitude and it gets to me but I say nothing because I also don’t believe in showing a reaction especially when someone does something hoping for one. He just said, I told you! She is the most...... the most unappreciative, blah blah blah person, you will ever meet. I want my money back! Apparently, the deal was that she was supposed to pay him back when she got paid. I don’t know why the both made such a big deal out of the car thing if she was going to pay him back whatever money he used to fix her car. Anyway, I didn’t really know these people. Still trying to figure them out.

Of course I felt bad that I told him, but it’s what it is, isn’t it?

To Tell or Not to Tell

Elvis’ hours are from 1-ish until tenish pm. That’s the whole day at home, stuck with sister dearest! He called before he got off the first night and told me he would be home in an hour. It had been a long day, a call or two halfway through his shift would have been appreciated. By the time he got home, dinner was ready in the kitchen, sister had cooked. Salmon Croquettes, some veggies, mash potato. Into the main door, to the kitchen, then to the bedroom. He walked into the bedroom with a 2litre bottle of Diet Pepsi in hand, drinking straight from it. He asked me about my day, I was so overwhelmed, I told him everything. He was like, I told you, she was going to bombard you with those stories. I will tell her not to bug you with these ever again. I begged him not to. I didn’t need any awkwardness, he asked about my day, that was my day. That’s it!

We all watched American Idol, they, El and Sister know all the songs, they sing along, it’s kinda like a competition. I got over it and went to bed. The following morning, we were chilling in bed with his eyes closed as they always were when he wasn’t watching tv, eating or driving. Or at least whenever he was talking to me. I asked him how old he was. He changed the subject more than once. He told me he was as old as I knew he was. I was like, so you’re 65, he said yeah that too. He’s not 65 but he might as well be what with all the lying about his age! So the age thing was never formally addressed and no apology or remorse for lying about it. Nada!

On his way to work, in his dirty uniform, he only has two uniform t-shirts for work and two pants, I think and works five days a week, some off days, laundry never gets done, so that’s a lot of mileage on that uniform. Yuck! Anyway, he would take me with him to the store, The 99 cents only store, to grab a few things and take home with me. Usually, those were a few bottles of Diet Pepsi and whatever else we  they needed around the house. I was glad to be the heck out of that dumpster, I didn’t care where he took me or where I had to go.

So over it that, I brought up to him that I needed him to leave me keys when he went to work, he made me my own set when we went to Wal-Mart. We only went to one Wal-mart. In a black beighborghood. He wanted me to see the negativity amongst Black Americans. I automatically took offense to that, my guard was up and I was NOT going to see any negativity, just because it came from a white person, who has absolutely no bragging rights! Plus, I told him, if that place were so negative, why not go to another one then? One in a white neighbourhood. It’s Wal-Mart, they’re at every intersection! NO, DADDY WANT YOU TO SEE WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. Fck me!

He told me that wasn’t just his opinion, he had taken a few of his black exes there and they also agreed. THEN STOP FCKING GOING THERE DUMB ASS! WTF? We went in. His demeanour changed immediately! He started walking like there was wind beneath his wings so to speak, tall and holier than thou art! He was holding my hand like, yeah mutha Fcker, she’s with me, what! What! Ugh, kill me! He was kissing me, he would stand in the middle of nowhere with lots of people, black people around us, hold my chicks and plant a huge one on my lips. Bleh! Those people paid him no mind. It was all in his mind. People in that neighbourhood are too poor to care. I didn’t pick up any negative vibe from there, just that it was a poor neighbourhood, that’s all.

We got a few things, stuff for Sweetie Pie (his mom), his sister, and himself, he asked what I wanted, I told him, I was good, thanks. I was ready to get the heck outta there. He got me my spare key and a battery for a watch an ex bought me many many years ago. Thanks 123! Once I got my own key, I could go wherever I wanted, whenever. Yay! When I mentioned that I was bored at home, he was like oh yeah, I forget that you’re a world traveller, you can’t be stuck in one place. You’ve only been here for two days, I thought we could do something on my off days, but you can go with my sister, she’s always going somewhere, if you don’t mind the cats, go with her! She’d love that! Nice! But I’m not asking your sister to take me with her, you talk to her! He did! She was excited to have me tag along. El left for work, Sister was like, get ready, we have limited time to leave. Ok!She didn’t have to tell me twice!

I took a quick shower, got dressed, so psyched, LA baby, whooooo! She had her keys, by keys, I mean KEYS, she must have 67 keys on that thing, don’t ask! On our way out, she was like, “listen, Brook. You can’t tell Elvis this but I rented a car, I’ve been using it now, for a week. He can’t know about this. If he does, I will know that you told him and that will ruin things between us.” Gosh, why did she tell me this because I have to tell Elvis, I can’t keep secrets from him. Especially something about her, she may be testing me. I only just got here! These people are tight. A fifty something year old man and his sixty something year old sister. I felt bad immediately. Those two sure know how to create super awkward moments. I mean that was supposed to be a nice outing between us girls but no, not that time around!

We walked to the car, she uses a cane, remember, but she’s totally fine, I reckon she will do just as good without one, but who asked for my opinion? It was a cute little Nissan something. A New car, parked right by the gate of the apartment block. Elvis was driving past this thing for an entire week and didn’t know it was his sister’s. My poor boyfriend. The reason he wasn’t supposed to know was because, her car was in for repairs, he paid for that because, supposedly Sister didn’t have the money, meanwhile, she went and rented a nice, new car. That was the deal!

We hopped on, left the cats home, thankfully! She drives very fast, that Sister of his! She had a few errands to run and was going to have to return the car that afternoon. We drove though LA, so fun! You have no idea! If you think I love New York, you should see the smile on my face when in LA :D We went to the ATM, she withdrew a whole lot of money, bought us frozen yogurt, yum!I had to spoon feed her hers cos we had no time to sit and eat, we had to keep going. She was playing nice music in the car, we were singing along, soooo much fun! That wasn’t the same girl who was wining and wining about her brother, her father, son blah blah blah the day before. She had a very fun side to her. I will never forget that day! We then drove across town to the car hire place, return it and walked to the Trax (subway), I got change and bought myself a ticket. She offered but I insisted. I got a whole lot of coin dollars for change, so cool. I had never seen those dollars before. They look like South African 50 Cents, but double the size.

We got on the train, it was rush hour, packed to the brim. I didn’t care, I was in LA, that’s all that mattered. I embraced it all! The people were cool, dressed so cool, every other person was carrying a musical instrument, usually a guitar, but some had other stuff. People were a different cool to the cool of NYC, in New York, people are dressed up, they look serious, all the ladies are in high, high heels, the guys are clean cut, all dressed up. In LA, people are laid back, very artsy, they remind me of the people from Melville, Johannesburg. LA people are more approachable compared to New Yorkers. One of the reasons is the pace at which people walk in NYC, you can’t keep up with them if you tried, so good luck!

We missed out stop, had to get off, then take a train back, haha, we just laughed it off, we didn’t care, we were having fun. By the time we got back downtown, it was dark, she was like, ‘come on girl, let’s hurry up, we have a very hungry man to cook for! Elvis is very hungry, when he gets home, he wants his food ready or else”

Hearing her say that creeped me out a little, she sounded like she was referring to her man or something. Aaaannyywwayy...

Seriously, how old are you?

Seeing Elvis Stand in front of me, flaunting IT just before he left me for work was a very weird moment for me. It was reality check. Am I really doing this? For some reason I kinda saw him for who he was, a middle aged man working in a department store who likes younger girls. Do  I want to be that girl? I don’t really know how to put it in words but it was a moment, a realisation you don’t want to have your very first morning at your boyfriend’s house who you just moved in with. Because, what are you going to do? Leave him because you just had an Aha! Moment? Was it cold feet? I don’t believe in cold feet. I believe in that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach, that voice that tells you if and when you’re about to get in trouble, if something feels right or not. I go by that feeling. It’s been my guiding light for like ever. I think we should all listen to that voice, that feeling. It’s there for a reason. I didn’t.

Soon as he left, I went on Skype, to take my mind off things and talked to my one of my sisters. I wasn’t gonna be that person who just had a weird feeling about someone she just just moved in with. We love Elvis! We’re not gonna say bad things about him! I had to keep the facade up! Hey, sis, how’s it going? I’m in LA, whoooooo hoooooo! We talked for hours as we always do. We were all so happy I left Perry. New beginnings! This is it, sis! Someone who loves and cherishes you, blah blah blah. My stomach was turning, I couldn’t talk about it. I didn’t want to be that uncertain person, who jumps from one big decision to the next. Good thing is, my sisters get it! They get me! They don’t think I’m nuts, at least, they don’t tell me to my face if they do haha. Which can be a good thing.

I then started cleaning up. I was tired, so not in the mood and slightly pissed off that Elvis, who knew what I went through with Perry would take me to such a pig sty. I wasn’t up for it at all. I wasn’t about to pull Operation Spring Cleaning all over again. That’s not what I’m about. I didn’t move to California to clean Old men’s houses! Screw that. I just tidied up enough for me to be able to not wanna puke when I look around. That in itself took hours, because the place, you could tell, had never ever been touch. This from someone who is always in relationships. Seems to me when he’s in one, he always lives with his women (and his sister, her two special needs cats and his mother), you would expect way more. Right?

I didn’t know where to begin, I really didn’t! There were blood stains on the pillow cases from his ear “which was snipped by the barber”, jury still out on that. #SideLook

While tidying up on top of the chest of drawers I FOUND HIS DRIVER’S LICENSE! Licences! He looked different in all of them, good  but different, much younger, no salt and pepper hair, we love the salt pepper on him too though, so it’s all good.

He had so many receipts lying all over the place, I wanted to just throw everything out but I didn’t know why he had what in there and all, so I folded them all up and stuffed them up in a small random bucket I found in the bedroom. Heaven only knows what that was doing in there. There were diet pills on the chest of drawers, tons of them! My theory is, he must have gone on some quick diet before we met. He still looked bigger than the pictures he had sent me but the belly grew four times bigger between our first meeting and the time we moved in and that was like five minutes after! He must have stuffed himself to death once he knew he sealed the deal. Good for him!

And I was supposed to do kegel exercises, yoga and all kinds of things to make sure I’m perfect for him. Dream on, dreamer! By the time I was done tidying up, it must have been night time already. The first day really is a blur to me. Nothing ever is, which is why I can blog about things that happened forever ago. But that day sure was. I think I would like to keep it that way too. The sister went out just after Elvis, I was alone in the house with Sweetie Pie (remember that’s what “Daddy” Calls his mom?) the entire time. She (the sister) took the cats and got the heck outta there! I don’t blame her. She got back in the evening, before El, I decided to go to the living room and socialise. Not up to it but, I remembered living with host families in Georgia. We had to make an effort to mix with the folks, it was frowned upon to lock yourself up in your room and spend all your free time on the internet. That stuck with me. So there I was in the kitchen with sis, while she was preparing dinner to make sure there was food ready for when Daddy got home. Yuck.

She told me the story of her life! Goodness, did I regret getting out there! Either way, It was going to happen, you know? Whether I talked to her that day, the following day, week, month, year, it would have just been postponing the inevitable. I sucked it up and thought, you know what, let’s get this over and done with. Once she’s done telling me these stories, she’ll be done, then we can move on to funner things (American English, don’t judge me! I’m doing as the Roman’s do). She told me about her estranged son, from when she conceived him, to his birth, raising him as a single parent, his dad who was abusive, their divorce, his death, son’s girlfriends, blah blah blah, tears, blach, more tears, crying from the pit of her stomach, I just stood there in utter shock that someone can pour their heart out to a stranger the way she did. Daddy, come home! Yuck!

I was in a tight corner, literally, I was standing in a corner in the kitchen, she was standing by the entrance, she cornered me up, there was no way out for me. When she talks, she gets so passionate, so emotional, and literally is in your face, spitting, and crying and crying and sobbing and crying and balling her eyes out, my Gosh! Then we moved on to Elvis, she wanted to know how long I had known him, I seem like a nice girl who shouldn’t be with someone like him. Then she told me all these stories about him.The stories all were familiar. It was amazing how of all the stories they could tell me about themselves and each other, they picked the same ones. The only difference was that, in her stories, he’s the bad guy, in hers, he is. I got a headache!

The problem moved up from my stomach, to the head. I didn’t know what to think? Who the bleep did I move in with? (Know that show? Who the bleep did I marry? A documentary about people who were in relationships with monsters. Check it out if you haven’t seen it and you, like me love morbid shows haha). I was just standing there, listening. It reminded me of when I was in Connecticut and N was telling me all these stories about T who had told me tons of stories about N. Both sides were convincing enough. It was a toss up, I didn’t know who to believe! In both cases, Connecticut and Los Angeles.

I was ready for El’s return from work. Partly, so I could have another look at him and to hopefully remove the image I had in my head from that morning about him being those older men who creep me out, and party so he could save me from the hell that was his sister.

He was going to be home around 10 pm. My Jamaican friend called. Saved by the bell! I never answered a phone call quicker than I did that call! I jumped up mid-sentence and told Sister, I HAD to take that call. I ran to the bedroom faster than you can say B.E.D. and was not to return there even if you paid me. She was going to have to go drag me out of there. Which she couldn’t. The plus side of being plus sized. #Rhyming

Al called me that night around 9pm, which was a nice thing. I’d almost thought he wasn’t going to. He had never called me from work, so I assumed he never has a chance or is not allowed to, remember he’s the only person in the Universe without a Cellphone? We talked for a few minutes, he was wrapping things up and was about to come home. I was ready for him to get back, it had been a heck of a day.

By the way, remember how on his profile he had lied about his age and said he was 47? Then he confessed when I cornered him on one of our phone calls that that was to piss his ex girlfriend off, he actually was 49 going on 50? HE LIED...

Elvis Goes To Work

January 2013

The sun came out and it was morning. I’m in LA! I looked around me, the surroundings were unfamiliar. I didn’t know if I wanted them to be. They were so uneasy to take in. Clutter everywhere. There was this man in bed with me who brought me to this house without a heads up. I mean, he tried. Short of sending pictures, there’s no way you could prepare anybody for that! He had to work that afternoon. He got up and made breakfast, he brought it to bed. He  had egg whites, threw away the yolk because “it’s bad for you”, some turkey sausages and tons of Diet Pepsi “cos THAT’S good for you”, I guess. I can’t remember what he brought me,  I probably never had it because of the state of the bedroom and the house in its entirety. He ended up eating. There’s a lot of that in the house; where El will bring in two plates of food, assuming for both of us, feed me a taste with a fork from one of the plates AND EAT EVERYTHING, right there in front of me! I think he gets in a zone, same as Perry, and just can’t stop himself once he starts eating and must eat everything in sight. What do I know? I’m just a girl from Africa. He went on the computer, in a tiny cluttered corner in the living room, checked his emails, ordered more car parts and more music stuff. I think it’s cool that he is passionate about something. I don’t know about the something it’s self. He says it’s music and cars, I say it’s hoarding car and music related things. There’s a different.

Before I knew it, it was time for him to get ready for work. He got in the shower, our bathroom being the cleanest room in the house! He went in there, grabbed a very interesting looking, orange wash cloth (washing rag), and showered up, called me after a bit and asked me to wash his back. I still don’t know how I feel about that. Is it cute/romantic or diva-esque? With him you never know. He has a very condescending thing about himself where he dances to his own tune, believes his own hype if you will.

He came out of the shower, dripping. No towel in sight. You could tell he was looking for something to dry himself out with. So was I. I was curious to see what was next. Heck, it’s his house! What does he usually use? He found a t-shirt, the one he had on the previous day, he sat on the bed, soaking wet as he was and dried himself with the t-shirt. I ain’t sh*tting ya! When he was done with the t-shirt, he just dropped it, wherever he landed, it landed there, whatever! It landed on the floor just in front of the bed. His back was still wet, he never got to that part with his t-shirt. I was watching all that in utter amazement. Am I dreaming?

 “Shoes, where are my shoes, bring me my socks, black socks, second to last drawer, yeah, Sears Shirt, it’s blue, what’s that? Right there, that’s the one, I thought my sister did laundry, why is this still dirty, anyway, I don’t care at this point. I hate that place, they don’t deserve someone like me anyway. I’m overqualified for that place. They are paying me half, no a third, no... maybe, yeah, maybe, probably a quarter of what I’m worth. I’ve managed stores before, I have a four year Business Administration Degree, I shouldn’t be working on the floor for a store that doesn’t even have the ambition to appreciate someone like me!”

Honey, Do you have another belt? This is the same belt you had on when we first met, you told me you have lots of belts at home, you can’t be wearing this, it’s seen it’s days! “Pass me that belt! I’m telling you! You don’t understand! I have no respect for that place, I don’t even care what I look like, I don’t care about being presentable for those people!” yeah but you should respect YOURSELF enough to not want to ever wear such a thing, this is about you not Sears! “Anyway, go to the kitchen, see if my sister has prepared my lunch for me” Make sure there’s a cold bottle of Diet Pepsi in there and Raisins. And some Fruit, she keeps feeding me unhealthy, I don’t know how many times I’ve told her I want to lose weight, she just doesn’t care. She’s not ambitious enough to care what she packs for me. I’m so glad you’re here, you can teach her how to do the right thing”

“Ok, gotta go, Daddy loves you! Daddy says, he will miss you today when he’s at work, he says he will see you soon. K, Bye” xoxo

Get me the heck out of here!

His story was, I was supposed to be this woman who was once in a relationship with him but had to move to the East Coast. For that reason, we broke up. We had recently got back together. I was from some Part of California, I’m forgetting the name of the city. It’s a city somewhere in Central California, some place I had never heard of. I forgot it as soon as he mentioned it. This story, by the way he told me at the parking lot of the apartment where he lives. I mean, I’m good but not that good! Plus, again, what was wrong with the truth? I had to lie about my age too and pretend to be older than I am. Actually, now that I’m typing this, it’s occurring to me that, he may have had a relationship with a woman, older than me, from central Cali who I was supposed to pretend to be.

I’m glad I didn’t have to change my name as well, that would have been really hard.

He had told me that he is a mama mama’s baby, one of the reasons he wouldn’t have his mom live in a Nursing home. And had her and his sister move in with him instead.  He told me, “now that you will be living with me, you will get a better feel of who I am and how I treat women by seeing how I love and respect my mother. I call her Sweetie Pie. On my off Days, I cook for her and take her for walks in her wheel chair. Every now and again, I take her out for lunch to restaurants. My mommy is spoiled!” Lucky mommy! Right?

We got out of the car, walked slowly towards the apartment. It didn’t look as cute close by as it did the night we did a drive-by. He asked me one last time to keep an open mind about the mess and to remember we are going to sort it out together. He opened the door and BAM! In my face! Boxes and Boxes of stuff, There was a huge mountain bike next to the big flat screen tv his sister was watching, The aerial was slanting off, holding on for dear life next to a tiny, blue, fake Christmas tree. Sister was sitting on a love seat (two person couch)  in front of the tv with two cats, and mess all around her, there was a crutch near by too. I remember hearing she is disabled. I guess that explains the Crutch. She was in heels though! Go Figure! She has platinum blonde hair, with bangs, and was dressed pretty cute, skinny jeans, high heeled ankle boots, and a nice top and full make up on. The was more mess behind her love-seat, Mess, mess and more mess. That place makes Perry’s house seem like a neat freak’s dream! It was downright dirty! Forget ‘oh I’ve got too much stuff cos I moved from a four bedroomed house to a two bed apartment!” Dude, that was ten years ago, quit playing! Are you sh*tting me, right now! What the hell is this? No wonder you didn’t want to bring me here, he opted to fight people, crying race to have someone pay for a hotel bill you couldn’t afford just so you could hide this mess you live in. What the heck! I thought I was being punked! His eyes were focused on mine for a reaction, I just blurted out, WOWWWWWW! That project was greater than me. They needed Niecey Nash up in there #CleanHouse. There isn’t room to move the stuff to sort it out to sell it or anything. It’s a hoarder’s paradise. And the dude won’t stop shopping! These are people who have two storages over and above everything they have in the apartment.  She has a huge one somewhere and the rest of her stuff is in her van. Remember the van is her actual home, so she has things going on there, tons of gallons of water and Lord knows what. El on the other hand has his own storage in Hollywood and apparently more of his stuff is in the sister’s storage and then his car, an SUV is packed with junk, just junk. There are black bin bags in the back. I remember when he went to buy the cart in San Diego, he didn’t have space to put it in, it was mission impossible. He has bottles and bottles of Diet Pepsi in the pack, some full, some half full, some empty, some full and ready to explode from heat. Good Grief!

I extended my hand to shake the sister’s. I noticed that she has issues with her hand, the fingers are all crooked. She greeted me, and offered me a seat in the love seat (lol, don’t I sound like Clarence Carter; I got caught making love to another man’s wife). I was dressed all cute in my knee high suede boots and a cute dress. I got concerned at that point. What about my clothes! Are they gonna collect all this fluff, human hair and cat fur! Yuck! I had to be polite, so I sat next to the sister, trying to remember my script. So much pressure. El went over to the kitchen to drop the burgers. He seemed quite ok with everything, so comfortable, so at ease! What must have happened to someone’d head for them to be comfortable in that kind of atmosphere? I have pictures, I will post them as soon as I have better internet on a separate blogs with captions, to give you an idea. I am certain you will agree with me!

The sister and got a little acquainted. Then it was time to move on to the bedroom. He has an en-suite bathroom in the bedroom. It’s a two bed, two bath apartment. He had told me before that his sister is using the second bathroom as a Studio Apartment. That was supposed to be a jab at his sister, I thought it was hilarious and not fair. I was yet to meet this person, and he was already belittling her like that. Not cute. Especially for an almost fifty year old single man, who has never married. No offence to people who have never been married, I’ve never been married myself. The mess in the bedroom! It looked like a moving truck, can you say U-Haul? Packed boxes all around, against the wall, with enough space for the windows and then the bed was in the centre of it all. There’s a Chest of Drawers with tons of receipts on it, TONS! Coins, keys, measuring tapes. TWO of those! Remember when I asked him how big it is and he told me, he didn’t have a measuring tape to measure it? #liar

The bathroom was surprisingly clean, it gave me a feeling I was in a different house. The edge of the carpet between the bedroom and the bathroom had come off, you know the steel thing they put there, to keep the carpet down and to make sure you don’t trip? That came off, so the nails are sticking out. You can’t see them because they are brown, so is the carpet, so whenever I go to the bathroom, it’s Watch out! What out! Lmao, I can’t believe this! Every now and then he will let me get poked by the nails and burst out laughing. It’s comic relief for him to live in such an unhealthy, unsanitary environment. Ugh! The bed was kinda made. With really nice linen.

Before he met, he had mentioned in passing that he his barber had cut his ear a little bit when trimming his hair. He was still recovering from that. I didn’t know why he told me that cos it was obviously going to recover quickly. How bad could it be, right? Weeks later, we met, the following morning, I saw blood on the pillows and freaked! I thought he was bleeding through his ears or something! He was ever so nonchalant about it and was like, oh yeah, that must be my ear. What the heck, when is this ear going to recover? It had been a month already! Or longer!

There was no space anywhere for my stuff! I had three pieces of luggage. And nowhere to put them. He told me he was going to buy me a chest of drawers. AND PLACE IT WHERE, DUDE? There is a closet on the bedroom, full of his clothes, which are surprisingly hung neatly. It had been a long day, I was ready for bed. I couldn’t take anymore of that mess in (that’s what she said haha).

He offered me something to eat, I couldn’t, I was in way over my head, literally in this case! I just wanted to sleep.

It is too late to move back to Perry’s?