Got License?

I had ample time between my two exams and the testing locations were near each other albeit I'd never been to either.

I took the bus to the next location. A very big college building, with theatre halls and all kinds of stuff! I had more than an hour to kill, so I made my way to Mc Donald's and had me something to eat from the dollar menu. Don't judge me, I make my dollar stretch! Far! After that, I headed back to the school, I met a cool chick from my school, we hung out for a bit amongst homeless people who were lying on the lawn in the shade. Her exam time was before mine. The invigilator asked if I wanted to get in with her. I appreciated her offering but needed more time to go over everything, so I politely declined.

We had 150 questions, pass mark was 75%. Problem is, it was only multiple choice questions. You know how they are! All answers look like possible answers. I took my time, checked what I thought was right. They hardly asked anything we had studies, a lot of it was general knowledge. I left there feeling less confident than I did walking in. They were going to send the papers to the department for grading, we would find out in two weeks whether or not we had passed by receiving a certificate in the mail or a voucher to reschedule exam. Question is, would I receive any of those at all in my mailbox, what with my history! I didn't hold my breath.

I still had my job with Ted. It was still challenging. He fell two or so more times, averaging once a week. No fun! He watched a lot of Porn, you know, the playboy channel; couples swapping partners, licking, sucking, you name it, all on camera! He invited me to sit and watch with him a few times. I refused a few times. He once told me it feels nice when I touch him there! OK Ted! Let's keep some things to ourselves! He asked me over and over to move in with him and use the spare bedroom. He wasn't going to charge me rent. Thing is, I really enjoy my independence, something I hadn't had in a while. I was enjoying to pay for my own things, plus his condo still needed some work. I told him all that.

I had an interview at a nursing home right next door to Ted's. It went very well, they promised to call. They never did! I called them a few times to which they promised to call me back which they still never did! After three or so days, I started checking the Nursing  Registry of Utah's website to see if my name was listed there. As soon as you get licensed, they list  you over there. I wasn't going to keep checking the mail because of my history with that. I wasn't in the mood to get depressed. I literally had their website open all the time on my internet browser, I would just keep refreshing and refreshing, morning, noon and night. Daily. On the fifth day, I punched my name in and IT SHOWED UP! I was so happy, I was shaking! The first person I called was my supervisor. He had told me my job was mine as long as I had my license. He told me to meet him at work the following day. I called my sisters (By the way, I have brothers too, fyi but my sisters are my best friends. How are you doing bros?), they were just as happy for me as I was for myself. It had only been about two weeks or so since I was let go from work.

I went to meet up with the sup the following day. He told me to bring him the license as soon as I got it. I told him to look me up because that's what they do anyway to verify. He told me that one of the new girls had gotten her nursing license and had put in her notice, she was going to leave as soon as they found replacement for her. I asked him to tell her to leave, I was available to start that very night. He promised to call me. He didn't.

I called him almost everyday ever since, he told me he and the girl had agreed, she was going to serve a week's notice instead of two. I could start early. YESSSSSS! A week came and went, I called him, he told me he didn't have any position for me. I asked about the girl who was going to quit early for me. He told me he had filled that position. I was devastated! He had just given my job away, again! Why? Why? Why? I lost all faith in him. I got to the point where I didn't know if I was going to get the job back.

He called me after a week or so and told me a position had opened up. He wanted me to go to the office to sign a contract. After my three month probationary period, I qualified for benefits, they let me go, so I no longer did. He told me I wasn't fired, I assumed I would pick up where I left off, instead they made me sign a new contract with a new start date. I stopped liking them completely. I was on probation, again! What in the hell!

From then, I stopped having that thing that I had for that place, you know doing whatever it takes because I felt like they deserved it. They were a nice company to work for. I didn't care anymore, they had screwed me over one too many times! I signed the contract, peed in a cup, and all that. Then, he told me to be back the following night. I didn't call to confirm, I just showed up at 10pm that night. I wasn't going to risk hearing another story.

It was so good to be back! My friends were working that night, my fave nurse, remember the one who once offered to let me use her car to drive home instead of sleeping in the office? It was a nice first night. Good to back!

The Aftermath

Weeks prior this is the same man who said, 'what? No, I'm not breaking up with you! Do you think I would take you out and then break up with you? That's mean! I would never do that!' Good thing I don't believe anything anybody says until they actually do it or else I would have been crushed that he went ahead and did exactly that which he had vowed he would never do. I rushed in to work and clocked in. I wanted to be on time for my last few days there. That's all I had at that point. My new best friend had just dumped me. We spent all our time together, laughing and joking and just being and he just dumped me. Just like that! As if all that meant nothing to him. Clearly, it didn't!

All I asked is if he were sure that's what he wanted. When he said he was, I said ok, bye, I gotta go. I'm late for work! That was it! I had nothing else to say. I have nothing to say to someone who doesn't want to be with me. What else is there to say? Please, please don't leave me! You love me, I know you do! I can make you happy? N word, please! That's when you start regretting and feeling sorry for yourself, wishing you could take back what you said. I deleted his number so I wouldn't find myself calling him and all communication with him. NEXT!

I remember I was working with the two new girls that night. The one who was going to be a nurse, she was like, hey, how are you doing? I told her, I just got dumped. Her response, 'interesting!' I found that interesting, who says that? These new girls were little b^tches! That was my last night before my two off days and officially my last night at work as the off days fell on the last two days of the month. Thanks Spotty, for picking such a fine time to dump me!

Walking home that morning, I felt it! Having just been dumped and losing my job the same day, surely there is no God! If he were there, why would he put someone like me through all that? What was left for me to do? I was more depressed for having lost my job and the way that it happened than the break up but that just added fuel to the fire. I was mad at God for letting it all happen. That shook my belief in Him. What was I going to do in Salt Lake City? I had just moved into this new, expensive apartment. I sucked it up and took it even though it was expensive because it was close to work. I only lived there for a month and I lost my job! What was the point? There I was stuck with my new, nice place which was around the corner from a job I no longer had. What was I going to do with myself? I had been looking for another job, everybody told me they were hiring, I filled out applications but no body actually hired me!

I arrived home feeling like sh#t, I called my two sisters. They were right there with me, just as sad and depressed for me but they tried to make me feel better. They all told me to pray, I was like, yeah, that's not gonna happen, f&ck god and all that. If he's out there, he can come and find me. I'm going it alone from here on out! Clearly, I was all alone all along. I stopped praying, I stopped believing, I stopped all that. I had work at Ted's that morning. When it was time, I got ready, and headed off to his place. That job was all I had. I didn't have any friends in Utah, Cindy, the reason I was there to begin with had kicked me out of her house, MB my friend from work had accused me of sexual harassment and tried to get me fired, my new friend from school (Sudan), was acting weird) and I just got dumped, I had no social life at all. I was like, finally, I get to watch my tv recordings! #BrightSide! I got more rest, none of that one hour of sleep here, one hour there, running around from my place to Spotty's, spreading myself thin. I had time to take my multivitamins, and to watch what I ate. I bought a scale and started recording my weight weekly.

I called the department of health to enquire about my voucher, they had it! I asked if I could pick it up myself, they agreed. Hope! The following day, my second day off or out of a job, I took the two hour bus to the dept to pick up my voucher. I tell you, I had such mixed emotions when I finally had it in my hands. I rushed home, had to find a testing place. They have about a dozen in the entire state. I called a few and left messages. I found a spot the following week! It was time for me to take out them books and study, HARD! I wasn't going to fail that text for my life depended on it! I studied, and studies and youtubed videos of some of the practical stuff.

It was hard for me to look through my bedroom window for the view from my room was the main road and the on ramp into Spotty's street. I didn't wanna see it, I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't!

I worked three times a week, five hours per day, Ted bout lunch, and breakfast sometimes, everyday. He bought me lunch too. I didn't care about that, I asked him to let me buy myself whatever I wanted for myself with an equivalent of what I would have spent on lunch. He agreed, so everyday, I would buy some groceries, a few yoghurts here, some fruit here, veggies, etc. It felt nice to go home with shopping bags everyday! I didn't have to worry much about groceries in my budget, which was already so limited. I had some money in my savings to cover rent but I didn't want to go there, you never wanna go there. I was still going to get paid mid August for the last two weeks of July, so I was going to be ok in that sphere.

In a flash, the following week arrived, it was time to go take the exam. We had two, one written and a practical one. Everybody was talking about the practical exam, apparently, the examiners don't play! You can only miss so many marks and that's it, they fail you if you lose more marks! I was going to take my exams at two different places, I wanted to take them the same day. I started with the practical. I hardly slept the night before. I was on youtube all night long, looking at videos and stuff. I got ready, took the bus and headed to Salt Lake Community college. I had never been there before, thanks to the GPS, I made it, easy breezy! Plus it was right by the train station.

They took in two people at a time. You take each other's vital signs, i.e. blood pressure, temperature, pulse and all that. The girl I was going to go in with was young, she was ever so prepared, she was ever so chilled. I was still on youtube on my phone, still going through the book. I was asking her questions, she had all the answers off the top of her head. I was envious! Our turn came, the examiner seemed serious, she looked kinda like a librarian. She asked where I was from. I told her,her face lit up. She had been to South Africa in the eighties. In the apartheid (segregation). Inasmuch as I wanted us to talk about it, I was too nervous to even think, let alone speak. I have gotten nervous at auditions and thought that was the most nervous I had ever been, it wasn't! That day! That was the most nervous I had ever been! EVER!

We went through a few questions, that girl and I, we got those, easily. Then it was time for vital signs, she offered to go first again, because she saw how nervous I was. My Blood Pressure had shot through the roof! The examiner thought she did it wrong, she asked me if I suffer from BP, I told her I don't! I may be fat, but I'm good! She took my BP herself, it was UP! They told me to take a minute while that girl took the examiner's for exam purposes, they told me to take deep breaths. I tried, the nerves were killing me! Literally! I had to pass that thing! They came back to me, took my BP again, it was higher than before! They told me I could go home and reschedule. WHAT! Are you bleeping me? I lost my job for this sht, I need my License! ASAP! I told her I wasn't going to go through all that only to go home. What was I going to do at home? The hell with that!

The chilled girl wasn't getting the correct readings, she tried taking the pulse so many times, she just wasn't getting it right, they had to fail her and tell her to reschedule. What do you think that did to my BP? this was the girl who was so prepared! If SHE was gong to fail, who am I? Well, I'm the girl who NAILED IT! After she was let go, we took a minute and talked about South Africa. I think that lowered my BP a bit. She had some interesting stories to tell. They wouldn't let her go to the blacks only toilets (she's White, we're in Utah, remember? Everybody's white). She was so pressed, they just wouldn't let her! They also would let her onto the blacks only bus and she was in such a hurry, haha. Their black friends had to sneak into their house and not be caught by police.

After that, I had to  pick a random card with random things I was going to get tested on. Nailed it! She went, Congratulations! I was like, errrrr?!?!?!?!? She told me, we're done! You passed! Ohhhhh myyy goddd! Don't get it twisted, I still didn't believe in god! It was just an expression! I was so happy, I forgot my floppy hat there, and the sun was killing outside! I didn't care! Good thing, I bought it at the 99cents store. Off to the written exam!

Feelings, Schmeelings!

I took a quick shower, had dinner, Client, we'll call him Ted, had bought me lunch, chicken salad from his favorite Mexican restaurant. That's what I had for dinner. It was delish. Must be all the poop in it hahahaha! #Nutrients

I dozed off after dinner, I didn't know if I was still up to going over to Spotty's. I had been up for 24 hours and working hard the entire time! I saw a lot of poop in that space of time! Spotty sent me a text telling me he had an uninvited guest, he would call me when she had left. I was like, ok. He kept texting me promising me that nothing was going to happen, he was loyal to me, blah blah blah. How was I to prove that?  I wasn't going to question him because that wasn't going to change anything but at the same time, that didn't mean I believed him. I hardly knew the men! Even if I did know him, that wouldn't change anything, people will still do whatever they want, no matter your opinion of them. 

He called to tell me she had just left, it was late, he understood that I was tired, he thought to let me rest that night, we would meet up the following day. He appreciated how maturely I handled the whole situation. Apparently the guest was his ex girlfriend, she had taken her bike for a ride and ended up in his neighbourhood, it started raining, so she just drove over to his place. That was his story, true, false, whatever! We talked over the phone for an hour or more, then went to sleep.

At one point, Spotty asked me for naked pictures of me. I refused. He asked why I was so uptight, he wasn't going to show the pictures to anyone, all his exes had given him their naked pics, he still had them. I was like, talk to me again about it when you no longer had pictures of your exes.  I don't get it, but oh well. I don't know why someone who introduced me as a friend to people, who had himself told me he didn't have the kind of feelings he should for me, would want naked pictures of me! 

Back to work in a few days. At the end of the shift, my friend wanted to talk to the supervisor about her roster for the following month. I asked the supervisor for specific days of, his answer was, 'If I were you, I would worry more about getting my license than off days cos you might not even have a job here next month.' In his broken English with Mexican accent. How you doing Mexicans! This he said in front of the entire night shift crew. He was very show off, that guy. I was dumbfounded that that's how he wanted to talk to me about me losing my job. A few days before I did, in public! What if I hadn't asked for those off days? I told him that I didn't know what the delay was but I still hadn't received the voicher. The new girl, from Jamaica was like, that's strange! Sup was like, you know you didn't do the course, why would you expect a voucher when you didn't even do the course! He was on the roll that morning! My friend was like, yes, she did the course, she was sleeping on the couch at work, going to work and classes at the same time! He insisted I didn't do it. Jamaican was like, if you had done the course, you would have gotten your license by now. I wanted to kick her through her stomach, and pull that ugly thing she had on her head off! B*Tch, who's talking to you? STFU!

I left, in disbelief that I was really going to lose my job and there was nothing I could do about it. It was the last week of July, even if I did get the voucher in the mail, I didn't have enough time. I had a lot to think about that morning. Spotty had work early that morning, he called me on his way back,  I told him what had happened at work, he was so pissed off that they would treat me like that. That's one thing about him, he doesn't just say, oh ok, I'm sorry to hear that, do you wanna make out? He feels you pain, and gets more pissed than you. Love it! That's how I get :) #Passion

Last Sunday of July, Spotty took me out. We went to the park again. This time, he didn't pack us a nice lunch or anything. He picked me up from my place, walked in and was like, 'what?'. I went, 'what what?' He told me I looked like I wasn't in a good mood or something. I was fine, he looked like he wasn't in a good mood. I felt like with him, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We sat at the park, he smoked pot the entire time, he even stocked up on more weed right there in front of me. I consider myself pretty open minded but there are things that you, as a gentleman, shouldn't do in front of a lady, like dealing in weed. Couldn't he go somewhere, do the deal and then come back to me? He was not nice the whole day. I didn't get why he picked me up at all. I had work that night, I could have just hung out at my place and watched TV recordings. Later on, I was like, I think it's time to go now! He took me to The Olive Garden (Restaurant), bought us dinner. It was divine, I had stuffed mushrooms, and seafood.

He flirted with the hostess on our way in, and introduced me as his friend. We sat and had dinner, he took offense in everything I said. Thank goodness dinner was delicious, otherwise the whole thing would have been a complete mess. He packed some of his dinner for me for lunch at work that night. Which was nice, I guess.

It was raining outside by the time we left. I assumed, as a person who has a limo driving, aka in being a gentleman, he would bring the car around and pick me up. He was like, come on, let's go. I was like, Aren't you gonna bring the car around? He told me no, unless I wanted him to leave me behind. I put my handbag over my head and ran to the car. When we got in the car, he said something along the lines of I'm lucky he didn't leave me there. I was like, then I'd call a cab! I know a guy! He took offense to that too because I'm not supposed to have a cab driver's phone number when he himself is sort of in the business. Well, clearly I will need this guy, if you're threatening to desert me in the rain at night on my way to work!

This was three days before my last day at work. Everything had been confirmed. I was going to have to be removed from the system because I didn't have my license.

We arrived at my place, he waited while I got ready for work. We got to work just in time. Just before I got off the car, he broke up with me.
























, what? I'm like  what what?

The Client

I was still waiting for my voucher from the health department. I only had so much time to book my exam, take it and wait for the license in the mail. If all that didn't happen in time, I was going to lose my job. I kept checking the mail, like a lunatic, every time I thought of it, I was downstairs checking the mail. Deep down inside, I had a feeling it wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to receive the voucher. I don't know why, but I didn't see it  happening.

Every month at my job, the supervisor would change our roster. There was this girl, who joined the company two weeks after me; she got my schedule in the beginning. I went on to temp while she got the permanent schedule that I was promised. Whatever happened to first come, first served? When I confronted the supervisor about it, he told me he forgot about me, or something lame like that. Noted! The girl turned out to be nice, she went on to be my best friend. Every month, when the sup drew a new schedule, he scheduled that girl to work from the first day of the month thereby giving her a leg up on all of us, I always got left overs after he had scheduled everybody. For example, that girl would work 25 days in a month, I would end up with 18 or 19. We got paid per hours worked. Every now and  again, they would ask me to fill in for people but that wasn't the same. It was as if they were doing me a favor by giving me more hours. I was working full time, I deserved the same number of days as others.  With overtime, I would sometimes make more than them though, because they paid time and a half for overtime.

Almost everybody else had a second and even third job. It's difficult when you don't have a car. Especially in Utah where public transport is non-existent. My colleagues always said I was lazy for only working one job. I'm sorry if where I come from, one job is supposed to be enough for you to have a decent lifestyle. I'm so sorry that I don't have 8 kids to support. Sorry I am not from Mexico or anywhere in Latin America, my bad! They would say these things to each other in Spanish, with me right there. I knew they were talking about me because duh! Plus, my friend wouldn't be able to make eye contact with me. And she would sometimes refuse to tell me what they said. It still didn't change anything about my life though. Whatever they said about me. Plus when you work a lot of overtime for the same company, that's kinda like a second job, but I wasn't about to explain myself to them.

They always hired and fired CNA's at work. They hired two new aides (CNA's) towards the end of July. One was about to take her nursing exam, soon as she did, she would leave and go work as a nurse. They started while I was on my off days. My friend texted and told me about them, she thought they were nice people. I went to work after my off days and met them. They were supposed to be floats that night, meaning help around whenever help was needed, especially where I was working because there are a lot of special needs people in that wing. Instead, they were attached to my friend's hip, they followed her around like two loyal CNA puppiess. Small wonder she thought they were amazing. They were huge fans!

Because it was taking too long for me to get the voucher, I had to have a plan B, so I started looking for another job. I got a private client; an elderly man who lived by himself.  He hired me as a housekeeper. I took the job. I started the last week of July. I will never forget my first day at work. I had never seen so much faeces in my life! He had nursing aides who helped him with daily activities like showering etc, and a nurse. They all worked for agencies and came in a few times a week. When I got in there, the house smelled like faeces and mould and and and. I couldn't believe the state the house was in. The nurse came in that day and told him that their agency was done with him. The house wasn't in a healthy condition for anyone to work in, they put in a few day's notice. He was f*cked! I had plastic bags over my shoes, and gloves on my hands the entire time. Even in the kitchen, there were flakes of faexes. It was unbelievable. I didn't know if I was going to keep that job at all. Man is huge too, and has very little use of his legs. He asked me to go grocery shopping for him. He was literally glued to his chair, eating the whole entire time.

I ran to the store to get him what he needed. When I got back, he was on the floor! He had fallen. F*^k! Where will I even begin? I wanted to call 911, he wouldn't let me. He told me to hold his hand and pull me up. Good idea! Only, his feet were not moving! And I would have broken my back, if they were. I tried all kinds of things. I eventually called Spotty. He hadn't really dumped me remember? He came over in no time. I was like, don't use the limo haha.  He tried, but that wasn't a job of two men, men being Spotty and I. We eventually called 911. Six fine men showed up, they already knew the client. Apparently they had been to the house so many times. They helped us get him up. It was already time for me to go home. I was bummed, I had worked all night and all day. I needed to go home and catch a nap. Good thing I was off that day. Client wanted me to work for him once or twice a week, I told him he needed more help than that, so we settled on four times. So, every other day.

Spotty waited for me outside. He couldn't spend a minute inside the house, he had to get the heck out for some air. Thank goodness for my poor sense of smell. I am good with nice smells, but I don't always catch the bad ones. Yay me!

We had agreed that he pay me on a daily basis. I could tell that he was either going to end up in hospital or somewhere, I didn't want to work in vain. I got paid and left with cash in pocket. Nice feeling! Spotty took me hope, we had plans to hang out that evening. I was going to shower and nap, he'd pick me up later.

A Letter from The Ex

I was nice and tired at work, what with not getting enough rest cos I was busy being wooed by Spotty.

The following day, he picked me up from work,he dropped me off at mine and asked me to call him when I got up, to which I told him to call me after pm. I wasn't gonna be the girl who calls a guy she just met up. He called as I got up around . He came to pick me up just to go hang at his. He made us lunch, I had mentioned that I like pork so he made pork, green beans and macaroni. Tasty! He put cushions on the floor right by the coffee table. That's how we were seated for lunch. It was pretty cool. We could have sat in the kitchen at the counter on the high chairs, but  I liked his idea better.

He played more I'm gonna make you love me type music. I enjoyed his music, old, motown music. I took an hour's nap before work in his bed. He hung out in the living room while I slept. He woke me up when it was time to get ready and took me to mine to freshen up and dropped me off at work. Work was  minutes drive from my place. I used to walk there all the time, 25 minutes walk. I enjoyed it. By the time I got to work, I would feel nice and fresh.

We kept doing that, him picking me up from my place in the afternoon to hang out at his place. It got to the point where he told me to take my uniform with me when I went over to his and my toiletries so I could shower at his. I  did that. Sometimes he would have to work and leave me at his sleeping, to go drive someone around or something and then go back to his. He paid attention to the things I like, one afternoon, he took me to the stores to buy chicken. He was going to make us something to eat. He also bought me Red Velvet cake. That was very sweet of him cos if you know me, you know how much  I love red velvet cake.

He called me one afternoon, I was grocery shopping, he asked if I needed a ride. I told him I as ok, I had a bus pass. I didn't want to be a burden. He offered to pick me up when I was done. He showed up in the limo! Smooth, Spotty, very smooth!  I had flip flops on, sweat pants and a wife beater. I felt so under dressed.

We hung out at my place, he watched a little tv. I treated us to dinner. You know me, I don't cook. We went out for take out. We enjoyed dinner while watching TV. He always told me not to fall in love with him. He told him that the problem with some of the girls he dated in the past was that they fell in love. He is not ready for that. He likes to take his time. I told him to worry about himself, he may have already been in love with me. I'm amazing! I told him, jokingly.

One Saturday, he took me to the park. It gets really busy over there over the weekend. They have people playing drums, kinda like African drums, they show off their eclectic skills like juggling, playing with snakes etc. There's a lot of pot smoking too. Spot made us lunch, he had bought me grapes the previous day, he himself doesn't eat fruit and vege. He packed me some grapes, made us chicken nuggets, from scratch and some chips. It was a very neat picnic! He brought along towels, small blankets, water, camping chairs, the works. How do you not fall in love with someone like that, right? Well, you don't! Someone tells you not to fall in love with them, YOU DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM, simple as that.

Se spent the entire day there, he had picked me up around ten in the morning. We left around 5 to go chill some more at his place, I took a quick nap there before work, took a shower and he dropped me off at work. My phone battery died that night. I had it charging while switched off. Turns out he had taken the bike for a ride, came by my work to say hi, I missed the call because my phone was off. He didn't want to be that weird guy who knocks on the door of a nursing home at 2 o'clock in the morning. I wish he did, I could've used the distraction.

As you might recall, I didn't have a bed in my room. Well, I still didn't!Needless to say, Spotty wasn't allowed in my room. Living room and kitchen only. And bathroom if need be but that's it Mr! He always wondered why he wasn't allowed in my bedroom. I would just smile in return. No comment.

My Landlords, who are the best human beings I have ever met in America, Bless them, hooked me up! My roommate, who was never home, the daughter of the owners of the condo, told her parents that I was sleeping on the floor. I was looking for a bed but I had to have a truck to pick it up #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat! Roommate's mom offered me her late aunt's bedroom suit. I thought that was really special. They delivered it themselves and helped me set it up. Beautiful people, inside and out. They were like parents to me as well. I love them to bits!

I already had bedding, heck I even had Martha Stewart sheets. All that was missing was the bed. She bought me a dresser, chests of drawers, the whole shebang! She even put nice paintings and matching lamps in my room AND she gave me matching linen. Everything was matchy matchy. I was so happy. I made my bed up and when Spotty came over, I took him to my room. He was like, finally! The bedroom! He thought my room was kinda cute, of course it was! It was new! I wasn't gonna tell him that obviously!

He asked me out on a date one Sunday. I agreed. I had Sundays off. He picked me up that evening all dressed up. He had knee high cowboy boots, gotta love a man in heels. And boots, nice combo. Real men wear boots anyway ;) Real men also wear Calvin Klein underwear. Just saying! He told me the destination was a surprise. I had knew high boots as well, and a top which I used as a dress, shhhhh! We walked down the stairs hand in hand, he always held my hand. We used the old, dusty one. I had grown used to it by then. Every now and then he would bring out the Limo but that was our full time ride.

We went for a nice drive on the freeway, it was nice! He wasn't that talkative, I had to ask him a few times if he was ok. We stopped midway to watch the sun set. He drove up the hill, where he usually watches sunsets. It was very romantic. We sat there looking at nature. I enjoyed that. We proceeded for our surprise destination. It was a bar/restaurant, they had live music; a couple who sang very well. It was so packed, we had to stand for a while before a table cleared out for us. Even then, we joined other people at that table, there was no time to wait for our own table, we were both heels, we needed to sit haha.

We had Chicken and Waffles. He thought the combination was rather bizarre. I had heard of the combo but never had it, so I thought what better time than then to try it out. They brought it out with Syrup for the waffles. I had a piece, he had a piece. He promised me he will never eat that ever again. I promised him I will. Every now and again, I would jokingly tell him to sit closer to me, I wasn't going to bite him. I felt some tension here and there, I wasn't feeling his body language at all that night.

Eventually, we drove home. His place. He doesn't allow shoes inside his apartment, we both took off out boots outside and went and sat on the couch. We had THE talk. He wanted to tell me that for some reason, the relationship wasn't going the direction he had wished it would. He didn't have the kinds of feelings he thought he should have at that point in our relationship. GREAT! Just my f*cking luck! I'm getting dumped! He fed me, now he's breaking up with me. How mean! I don't know whats better, getting dumped on an empty stomach or full.

I was like, hang on a minute! Are you breaking up with me? He was like, nooooooo, not at all, I am giving you a heads up. I thought you might want to know how we're doing, that's why I am telling you. I am also concerned that you might be falling in love with me. I was like, uhm, what!!!!!!! First of all, don't flatter yourself! Secondly, how can I fall in love with someone who is clearly not emotionally available, who reminds me constantly not to fall in love with him. thirdly, why are you doing all this things for me? Are you trying to get me to fall in love with you so you can break up with me and break my heart? What is it that you are doing exactly? He told me, well, kinda. I am hoping you will fall in love with me, but in my own pace. I don't want you to fall in love with me to soon.

It was the weirdest conversation I have ever had and I have had some conversations! I asked him where he was hoping we would be in the relationship and if he was still hung up on someone else. I knew he was still holding a torch for his ex, even though he wouldn't admit to it. He told me that he didn't have the feelings he wants to have for me. I was like, ok, so you hate me and you wanna break up? No, I need time! Then what's gonna happen when you realise that it's not gonna happen; you're not gonna fall in love with me? Then you're gonna break up with me, and be like b#tch, don't say I didn't warn ya!

He told me he likes everything about me, he wants to be with me for the longest time but he never wants to get married again. I want to get married, he doesn't know if that's one of the reasons he is holding back feelings-wise. I was like, hey! I wish I could say I don't want to get married, but I do. I have never been married and have always wondered what it would be like for me. I would like to experience it for myself. You have been married, don't you think it's unfair of you to want other people not to make the same mistake you did? Let me make this mistake, if it's not with you, I will make it with whoever wants to make it with me, but it's something I want to do. I wasn't trying to get the guy to marry me, but we were talking and it came up. I am not going to lie about my wishes to get a middle aged man who doesn't know what he wants out of life to like me. I'm sorry!

He asked me to read a letter that his ex who he was still hung up on wrote him. He had been asking me that for the longest time. I refused every time. I don't wanna hear it! I just don't. Don't ram in down my throat! That's what she said haha.

He was trying to prove to me how over it was between the two of them. I didn't care. I knew what I knew. Anyway, he practically begged me to read it, so I let him. What was the worst that could happen at that point, right? Was he gonna take me out and then come home and tell me he had no feelings for me? That had already happened. I sat there rolling my eyes while he went to get the letter. He sat on the floor in front of me and read it, then he read me his response which he never mailed to her. When he got to the part where he wrote her he will never find someone like her, he balled his eyes out! Middle aged me, crying like a girl!

I was sitting there thinking, the f#ck am I supposed to do now? I am the one who has just been dumped and he's the one who's crying, what a selfish s! I patted his shoulder, rolling my eyes. I really just wanted us to talk about us instead of him indulging in self pity over a love he lost TEN YEARS AGO! Get the Fck over it! ASAP! You're about to lose an amazing woman just cause you're so stuck in the past. Come on now!

He told me he wanted to see how things would go with us. He was willing to open himself up blah blah blah. He ruined it! He took what was supposed to me a nice, romantic date and fcked it up. He told me of all the relationships he had been in in the past ten years (after the break up), he had never been with someone who came close to the ex as he did with me. So much about me reminded him of her, he feels inspired to be that guy again, basically he was falling in love with me and for that reason, he was kicking me to the curb. How was that fair? How does that make sense to him? Or anybody for that matter. Does it make sense to you?

First Date with Spotty

The school was nice enough to let me scan the documents they needed them. I took pictures of the docs and emailed them to the school, does anyone else do that nowadays instead of scanning? I stopped by a fast food restaurant for ice cream on my way home. On my way out, I caught a glimpse of My somalian friend. I turned to talk to her, she had disappeared. I know I wasn't imagining her because she was with her daughter and I saw them both. I bet you she went something like, oh crap, there goes that b*tch, hide! Quick! And pushed the kid's head down behind the garbage bin.

On the train back home from the school, I got a call from Spotty. I almost forgot that I had a date that night. Flip! I would have had to take a shower cos I was a hot mess. He only said who was calling and the phone died! I must say, I was glad it did. I knew that I would be home in 30 minutes, charge it and call him back but I was glad that he would have to wait that long not knowing whether I hung up on him or not. He called an hour or more later than we had agreed.

By the time the train got to my station, the buses had stopped running, thanks Utah! I had to walk for a good 25 minutes; as if I didn't walk enough that day. Whew! I finally got home, charged the phone, took a shower and relaxed in bed, or, if you want to be technical, on the floor in my sleeping bag. Yeah, I slept on the floow, Whatever, feel better now? Spotty called back much later. We ended up talking for four hours until around two in the morning. He proposed taking me out for breakfast the following morning. Sure, as long as you won't walk me back to my bedroom afterwards. Nobody is allowed in here! I accepted. I was glad that night was out because I was so tired. I went to bed soon after the phone call. I got up early and got ready for breakfast.

Spotty has a Limo business. He asked me during the call which car he should pick me up in, his private car, a Limo or a motorbike. I told him to surprise me. Surprise me, he did! I got all dolled up, wore my new dress and all. He called to tell me he was pulling up. I told him where to park and peeped through the window. He showed up in this old shack of a car! I was just like! i mean dud was dressed nice, he even checked himself out in the mirror fixed his hair as if he was driving a limo or something. The hell was that all about?

I was like, you know what, let me just go. I'm either gonna have fun on this date or a good story to tell. He got out of the car and was standing there, waiting for me. He stood tall, very yogi like! He's lean and 6ft tall (180/182cm), not as tall as Mike but then again, Mike who? Right? He walked towards me when he saw me, extended his arm and gave me a hug, walked me to the dusty car, opened the door for me and went around to get in. I have learnt not to show my reaction, so I said nothing...yet. The thing was so dusty, I had my new wool dress on. He told me he was going to take me to one of his favorite places. I didn't care, I'm a down girl. Down for whatever!

Just as he pulled up at the restaurant parking lot, the mouth ran, all by itself #Freewheel. I blurted out something like, with all due respect, are you kidding me with this car? Look at all the dust! Is this the kind of first impression you want to make? You couldn't even wash it or something? His response was, well you told me you didn't care about material stuff, you're contradicting yourself. I told him I cared about dust! I care about being shown some respect. I could have been doing other things but I chose to go out with him that morning, he didn't care enough to as much as clean the interior of the car. I wasn't asking the guy to buy a brand, spanking new car, all I was asking was for him to respect my new, wool dress, which was about to pick up all the dust from his car.  He told me that was his camping car, he never washed it. I felt so much lighter after saying that. I got it out of my system.

We went into the restaurant. He had something light, I had something meaty as usual. $XhosasAndMeat! He ordered us both orange juice. I was like, oh, is that what I'm drinking this morning? He seemed shocked at my forwardness. I was shocked that he took it upon himself to order me something to drink without asking me first on a first date. If he cared that much, you'd think, he would have at least dusted the car with a feather duster. I don't like orange juice, it gives me heartburn. We changed that to half Cranberry juice and half apple. Love that combo, very good for you!

We stayed there for quite a while. Spotty is a New York Native, he still has the accent, very refreshing in Utah. And he has nothing in common with the Utahans at all, which, trust me, is a good thing! He asked if I had any plans for the rest of the day. I didn't. He told me he would like to spend the rest of the morning together. I was down. We went to his house to change cars. He wanted to make it up to me. We dropped the Corolla and took the Limo, WHAT? YESSSS! Something about that car, is so an automatic panty dropper. Just saying. Don't mean to TMI you. He opened the door for me, I felt so VIP. He also does tours in his business. He took me to the park. I was overdressed for that, but who cares? We bird watched for a second, walked around in heels. There was a guy who was juggling three or four tennis balls. I asked him to let me try. I juggled a bit. Spot was like, oh please, you've done this before. I have haha, so many times :) I also played uNomlenzana, in heels. All in a day's work!

From the park, he took me to this cool place with really expensive furniture from like centuries before. Very expensive stuff, you couldn't believe it! i thought of my mom, she's into stuff like that, and she gets in for a fraction of the price from her corners. They know Spot there, he was showing off, walking ever so tall, with his arm wrapped around mine. He was an easy guy to get along with. We joked around, there were a lot of That's what she said jokes passed around.

He then took me to the tip of a hill where you can get a nice view of Salt Lake City. I could tell him Mike had already shown me SLC from the tip of the mountain but not only did I not want to be that girl, also, Michael who? Spot had a hat on, I put it on and took some pictures. We had a good time that morning. After the view, we went to a restaurant slash bakery place where we bought practically one of everything. We took them with us. He wanted us to go chill at the park near his place. We went to his place to collect camping chairs. He told me he would invite me inside if his place wasn't a mess. He left me in the Limo while he went to get the chairs. He came back and asked if I wanted to hang at his place instead. I was like sure, on condition he wasn't going to seduce me. He, like most men, used the world famous last lines, i won't make you do anything you don't wanna do. #ImaginarySlapAcrossTheFace for being a statistic #EnoughOfThatLineAlready.

We went in. He lives in a one bedroom apartment. Very spacious! He has a
 year old daughter who lives with her mom. We hung out on the couch, talked some more and listened to music. He offered to take me for a ride on his motorbike. There wasn't time for that though. He played such songs as I'm gonna make you love me etc. I swear he has a collection of songs he plays on first dates. I ended up napping at his place for an hour or so. He took me home, two streets away, and waited until I got ready for work and dropped me off in style #Limo

All in all, it was a nice date. He looks so much better in person too; blue eyes and good hair, you know how I like em. He asked to see me the following day. I agreed.

Exam Time!

Roxy's friend kept calling and texting. Sexy lady, sexy legs, sexy blah blah blah. It got to a point where I had to ask him to stop. He wouldn't. I had to block his humber. When I talked to Rox about him, she told me he wasn't her type, he wanted her but she doesn't date black guys, 'white guys have bigger d*%ks'. She kicked him out because he was bumming around the house and eating all her food. I guess she wanted to be the only one to eat all her food. Emphasis on all.

When time came for me to move,  I called a cab, the same man who moved me from Grey's back to Laura's. He gave me a discount, which was sweet of him cos I was expecting to pay him a tip. Anyway, I think he pocketed my money because I hired him directly not through the company he worked for. New Roommate gave me keys, showed me to my room and vacuumed it for me. I was off that day, still sleep deprived from school and work. So much had been happening in my life, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I remember I had my new All Star boots on for the first time that day. I went for a walk to the thrift store down the road to look for bedroom furniture. I saw a pair of old boots, tried them on, while I walked around in them, someone took my new, expensive Converse! I tell you, I looked all over for those! I was so upset. I looked at people's shoes, their carts (trollies), everywhere. I also asked them to make an announcement. Obviously my shoes didn't have a price on. For someone to pay for them, they would have to ask for a price, get a price from something else and stick it onto them or steal them!

The store was about to close, I was freaking out, I couldn't leave without my shoes. The store manager told me he would let me have the $5 dollar shoes I was trying on in exchange for my $69 Converse. What?????? How does that make up for my loss? Might as well walk home barefoot! That was just what I needed, with everything I had going on. The lady from the shoe department found old flip flops under the shoe shelves. She showed them to me and reassured me that my shoes were stolen. Someone must have left their old, raggedy flip flops and took my boots. Awesome! I had a bunch of stuff in my cart, walking slowly, and aimlessly, just after the store closed, two of the staff came to me and asked if those were my boots. F*@king hell! I blurted out! I was so happy, I hugged them both, one almost to a miscarriage; she was pregnant. They found them in the shoe shelves, where everybody had been looking. We think someone had taken them and felt bad when they heard that we were looking for them and snuck them back. I didn't care. Glad to have found them.

No bed for me that day. I went home and slept in my sleeping bag. The floors have a nice rug, put duvet covers for cushioning, underneath. I slept like a baby! I had to write an exam at the school and then book the state exam. I booked to do that on one of my days off. I studied for an entire week and nothing was sticking. I felt very frustrated.

In the midst of it all, I got an email on the dating site from a man named Spotty. He was like, if you are looking for someone who is mature, stable, I have my own business and knows what they are doing here (er, where?), email me back. In his profile picture, he was standing next to a limo, dressed in a nice black suite. He didn't look cute AT ALL. But I was looking for someone who knows what he is doing here, wherever the heck that is, so I messaged him back.

I was on my way to taking the school exam when he emailed me back asking to meet up asap. Talk about knowing what you're doing here! I was tired, it was scorching hot, I was going to take an exam I didn't think I was quite prepared for, I was a mess. He wanted to go to the bookstore, Barnes and Nobles for coffee. I was down for it, even though I don't drink coffee. Who said coffee has to be coffee? He asked for my number, I emailed it to him and told him to call in two hours, after my exam. He wished me good luck and promised to call.

I had talked to my Somalian morning that morning, told her I would be taking my exam and stuff, she told me she wasn't ready to take hers. I arrived at the school, they gave me a book with multiple choice questions - worst exam ever! All options were possible answers and we didn't have the 'all of the above or none of the above' option. Ugh! Passmark 75%. They would mark it and grade us there and then. IN YOUR FACE! I took my time, did my thing, got 92% Whud, whud, who da man? I'm da man! #InYourFace!

On my way out, I saw the Somalian girl, she went to take her exam. I had told her I was going to take mine in the morning but so many things happened, including me arriving too early with the school still locked, and ending up on a shopping spree. She didn't expect to see me there that evening. Don't ask me why she lied about not being ready to write that day. She was like, how was it? hehe, you passed, you are so clever you!I know you passed. I was like, what are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were gonna be here? She kept asking about the paper. I was like, sorry, are you talking to me? Bye!

After the exam, I had to provide my ID to the school, they were going to send my details to the department. Nobody told us that. I didn't have my ID with me. I had to go back home, take the train and a bus, LAwdy! And do the same thing back. They told me I could do it the following day. I wasn't interested in that. I wanted to get it all over and done with. So I went home, got the ID and went back to the school. Last but not least, they asked for the previous tests that we wrote in class. I DID NOT HAVE THEM WITH ME! ...

Getting Arrested In a Foreign Country?

CNA classes were ok. They teach you a lot of common sense stuff like, always wash you hands, put gloves on. Stuff that we shouldn't have to spend so much money to be told simply because we already know it. A lot of people were sleeping in class. I worked all night long and was up all day long. I tried to stay up but there's this lady whose class was like, man! Slumberland! People were snoring in her class.

The Somalian girl and I were getting closer. We had exchanged numbers. She was my new best friend. She has a 9 year old from her ex husband who she left back home.

Classes were also intense, they would make us take random tests and stuff all day long. We had to focus. It was a very hectic time for someone as sleep deprived as me. My feet were so swollen. Every now and again, I would get a text from Laura. She was still at the condo.

Two days after MB had a meltdown, I got a text from one of our colleagues. A guy who had a love/hate relationship with MB. He told me she had been fired. I was shocked! I couldn't text or call to find out how she was doing because first I wasn't supposed to know that, second, she wasn't talking to me. That night at work, the nurse on duty pulled me aside and read me a text she had received from the head of nursing. It was about me. The Head wanted the Nurse to tell me to stop sexually harassing my colleagues. I was like The F#&k! I knew exactly where that came from. It was MB. She was bitter from being fired and wanted to take someone down with her. Also, it could be she thought I had reported her since  I had called her out on her laziness over the radio. I never did. I am not one to report people, but when I am fed up, I will confront your s myself. I won't put anybody's job in jeopardy. Not my style. But you've got to actually do your job. Don't make me do it for you.

I could have called MB to confront her but it was spilt milk at that point, so instead I texted the Heard of nursing. I asked what she was talking about, she told me it was about naked pictures I had shown at work. I showed those pictures to MB, we were friends in and out of work. We would sometimes sit in the car and talk about guys and goof around. I showed her some of the pictures guys had sent me. She never complained. Hell, she wanted to see the pictures, she would bring them up at work and ask me to show our other colleagues, but I refused. I told The head the head that. She and MB were tight, MB had been working for the company for  a year. She was probably sad to  see her friend go. I mean, it's not my fault MB was a 43 year old virgin living with a cat! She was living vicariously through me.

I was worried I would lose my job over the sexual harassment case. Nothing happened. Apparently that was just a friendly warning from the head. After classes, we did in service training at different facilities. I had to do that and then do the same thing at my job. I wasn't allowed to use the hours at my job as part  of training, alas! I finished all that. The next step was to mail a check to the Dept of Health and apply for an exam date.

Laura was still living in her closet. One afternoon, I was on my way to the dollar Tree (store). Don't judge me! :) She tagged along. She also needed some stuff from the shopping centre. We started at the dollar Tree. It was hot, she is always talking and munching on ice but it can only last you that long. She grabbed a Pepsi from the fridge, drank it while in the store. I did my thing, she did hers, we paid and walked out. Soon as we did, she went, OMG, I forgot to pay for the soda! I told her to go back and pay for it! She told me she wasn't going to embarrass herself like that. I don't know how it's an embarrassment to be honest. She didn't budge.

We went to the pharmacy. She needed to send money to her sister. We walked around the store for a bit, then she went to the counter to do the money thing. Lo and behold, the moment we walked out, deja vu! She forgot to pay for something. The thing cost $25. I was like YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO THE STORE RIGHT NOW AND PAY FOR THAT! WTF? Kleptomaniac! She was like, they know me over there, they know I would never steal from them, I will go back some other time and pay for it. In fact, I don't even need these (it was butterfly shaped decoration lights, kinda like christmas decorations?), I will return them next time I go to the pharmacy. I rest my case!

We went to the third store. I told her I was going to wait outside for her. I wasn't gonna go through another episode for her. I needed something there though, so she asked me to literally hold her hand the entire time. This is a 44 year old we're talking about! I practically held her hand, got what I needed, she got what she needed, we all paid, we left the store. No merchandise was stolen during the taping of that episode haha. Whew!

I wasn't impressed with her AT ALL!

Roxy, remember her? The girl who loves to f#@ck and all that? Not that other people don't, but you know what I mean. Well...one afternoon, I got a random text from a random number. I asked who it was, he told me Sean, Roxy's friend. She was trying to set me up with her friend. I thought she had slept with all her friends! The day she and I were out and about together, she greeted this random, short guy. Guy went blood red in the face. She told me that was one of her sugar daddies. Dude looked younger than her! Anyway, this Sean guy was trying to be all cute in his texts, I was just shutting him down. I got a call from Roxy. She asked me to be nice to her friend who she was hanging out with at the time. I tried but dude wasn't making any sense in his texts. He would send me something like, are you a company man? Like, what does that even mean?

Long story short, he wanted to meet up. He asked me to go to Roxy's. I told him I don't do peple's places when meeting someone for the first time. He must take me somewhere. Cheap Skate! Sick and tired of Utahans and their cheapness. Been on so many dates in that State and the only man who ever took me out to eat was Paul. Bless him! This guy was like well, you know what, I just got this new job, I wasn't working blah blah blah. Uhm, why are you telling me this? This is YOUR problem! Fix it!

He came buy to the centre close to my place. We went to a Japanese restaurant. He told me what his budget was, which was fair. We had a decent meal and drinks. Not to shabby for a homeless guy. Yup! Turns out he was crashing on Roxy's couch. The one where 'people have had sex on'? Yeah, The guy hadn't taken a bath the day we met, you could tell. He wasn't all fresh. I can't stand that. Hygiene is very important, what kind of first impression are you trying to make if you can't jump in the shower for ten minutes before a date?

He was hugging me and trying to kiss me, it was revolting. I told him I had to go home to catch some sleep before work that night. 'You're so sexy! Sexy legs, sexy lips, sex sex sex!' Someone give me a gun! I wanted candy afterwards, he was like, I'll walk you there. He had a stack of cash in his wallet which he made sure I saw. I told him what had happened last time I went to the dollar tree (with Laura).  Lo and behold we bumped into her there, CRAP! I introduced them to each other. HE picked up that that was the person I was talking about so when she said, come guys, what are you getting, I also need some stuff but I won't be long, we was like, yeah, we're already done! We'll wait for you outside! haha, good going, Sean!

He tried to kiss me in the mouth goodbye, I ducked. He told me he wanted to visit him at Roxy's,  obviously for sex! I was like, we'll talk! I left without Laura. I'm not trying to get arrested in a foreign country!

Dating a Soldier in Afghanistan

After MB's melt down, and rise from the dead, we were friendly again. I moved with caution. Not knowing when she would explode again. I didn't need rides from her because I was crashing in the break room, working and attending classes. I tried not to think about Mike, it wasn't easy considering the school was around the corner from his place. I was too busy to wallow though.

Before Mike, while still at Cindy's, I talked to a few other guys online. One of them was Tom, 42, 6ft2, could have been any race from his complexion. He was bald, so I couldn't tell from the texture of his hair. He was a soldier deployed in Afghanistan. He had been in the army for ten years and was doing his final run. He was a divorced from his wife of 10 years.

We talked for quite a while. Our conversations would be cut short because he was on duty when we chatted on yahoo. He had this cute picture of himself as a profile pic on his yahoo. He would always message me during the night, my time. I would wake up to his message which was really nice and a great way to start the day. Sometimes I would catch him online, we would exchange a few words before he would have to go again, usually without a warning.

He told me he has a condo in Salt LAke City. He wanted to get married and have us live there as a couple. He had kid, 10 and 8. They live with his late ex wife's parents in the UK. Tom would send me really long messages, we like long messages!

One night, I was thinking about him and the conversations we had had. He had told me that he was going to be back in 18 days. The countdown was so on.  I asked him again, after a few days, he  told me 13 days to go. That was right. But When I asked him the third time, he was way off. He told me something like 17 days left. That raised a huge red flag to me. If you are so looking forward to going home, how do you make that kind of mistake? I didn't dwell on it though.

I went to sleep hours after the conversation. Suddenly something said to me, look this mutha f$cker up! I couldn't shake that voice so I got up, turned the pc on and went to town. I had already looked his email address up and got nothing. I looked up his IP address, which isn't reliable because he may have been using a proxy site. It picked him up both in San Fran and Los Angeles. Both in California, but miles apart (8 hours drive or so); but it wasn't Afghanistan! I tried the images he had sent me. Voila! Bob's your uncle! There were so many posts on him. He is a scammer who goes by different aliases trying to get women to send him money in Afghanistan when he is stuck blah blah blah. Apparently he also gets stuck at the airport on his way into the US. We hadn't got to that stage yet, him and I. He was still grooming me. My heart could have jumped right out of my heart!

Everything with him changed from how I knew it. He turned out not to be who he said he was. I always look up people I meet online before meeting up in person. Things were different with Tom because we didn't have to meet in person for another 13 days or 17 days? F#ck if I know! I registered on one of the sites and shared my experience with him. I posted his photo on Social Media just in case he tries to scam one of my friends. Because we had been talking so long, the following morning, I checked my phone expecting to hear from him. No word! He may have had some spy software on my PC through which he was able to see my activities. How else would you explain him no longer writing immediately after busting him?

Melt Down

The Monday after the Non Date with Michael was going to be my first day at the new school. I didn't have time to wallow in self pity. Laura and I dissed him and called him every name in the book, that's all the therapy in got, it's all the therapy  I needed.

She had spent the weekend at her sister's after her sister was arrested for violating her probation. It was just her at her sister's and her sister's boyfriend who is also her fiance's cousin and the guy who raped her. She told me her sister's boyfriend was so nice to her that weekend. He apologised for the rape telling her it was a misunderstanding, he thought they had a deal, I will give you money if you give me a lil some some. She forgave him. He told her he had always had a crush on her. He ended up with the wrong sister, blah blah blah, she believed all that BS. Really Laura! At your age! (she's in her mid forties). Apparently he cooked her a nice dinner, they sat at the table and talked and really got to know each other. There was another guy at the house that night. Another cousin, who is not only a cousin to Laura's sister's boyfriend but to Laura's fiance. Confused yet?

Laura told me she saw her hot tub which she sold to her sister when she lost everything. She got nostalgic and got in. The other cousin, the one who is not dating either of the sisters, jumped in with her, they made out and almost had sex but cousy's member couldn't stay up. Apparently he was so under pressure. Excuses schmexcuses! She had no reason sleeping with any of those men to begin with, her man is in prison. She told me she hadn't had any since her fiance got arrested but she can't say the same for him, hahahaha!

I timed myself according to the directions on Google Maps, got up, took a quick shower and rushed for the bus stop which was turned out much farther than I anticipated. It was 30 minutes away. Yup, that far! That's Utah for you! 30 minutes to the bus stop, I missed it! I was across the street at the traffic lite, tired as heck, waiting to cross when it came by. The bus drivers there don't look around, they will pass you and not even think twice. I was so tired, having walked and ran uphill with bags, and sh*t. It was a great way to a very hectic week. I was definitely going to be late for school that day. Not the impression I was trying to make, but hey, bleep happens.

I stood there, wondering what to do with myself. I had to wait another 30 minutes for the following bus. If I had known, I would have just left the house thirty minutes late. It didn't help that as I walked out the gate from our apartments, I came across a dog. Dogs and I don't get along. The thing was gunning for me. I kept crossing the street to get away from it, it was following me like, well, a loyal dog! It was just the two of us on the street. I had to pick up rocks, my shoulders already felt like they  were about to fall off due to the heavy bags, Lawd!

I started walking towards the direction of the school. It was too far to walk though, I didn't know what I was doing. I came across a man who was driving out of a car dealership. He looked at my boobs and asked if I (or they?) needed a ride. There was no time for pride, I accepted. He asked for my number. He wanted to meet up again to talk about my boobs, I politely refused. He dropped me off right in front of the door of the school at 8am on the dot. Thank goodness! I  registered, we started class as soon as everybody was registered.

There was so much information to take in! We had an hour's lunch but it was called a working lunch, they gave us some reading material for during the break. I met a girl there from Africa, Somalia. We became friends instantly. She was cool people, she spoke some Zulu, freaked me out a little bit there! She'd go, 'asambe!' (let's go) out of the blue, I would feel like I was hearing things haha. Fun!

After school, I had work. It was going to take me an hour to get to work, meaning I would get there around 7pm, then would have 2 and a half hours to nap, but where? I could go home but it was going to take me an hour, including the 30 min walk, then another hour at night to get to work from home. Totally a waste of time. I opted to go to work. I was going to figure out what to do when I got there. Some girl who had a permanent fake smile offered me a ride. I refused, she kept insisting. She took me to the car, her husband was driving, she didn't even know which direction my work was, neither did I. Her husband seemed confused when he saw her approach with a bag lady aka me. I immediately told them both I was going to be ok, I had to go. I left! The black guy from my class, who was sitting next to me saw me walk to the train station, he game me a ride, I accepted. I say black because there were only three of us in class, the girl from  Africa, the guy and I. He was nice to give me a ride regardless of where I was going.

We set next to each other every day until the end. He's cool people, he reminded me so much of my brother, Lunga.

I arrived at work before 7pm, asked the nurse if I could crash in one of the empty rooms until before work that night. She wasn't allowed to, so she asked if I had a driver's license. I told her I did, she told me to take her car home and back that night. That was so nice of her, she hardly knew me. I couldn't do that though! I hadn't driven here long enough to be confident driving on the 'right' side of the road. She snuck me into one of the rooms. I never asked her again though, I didn't want to get her into trouble.

During break, while still at school, I had texted MB to ask her if she was going to be working that night. I thought that if she was going to work, she could give me a ride (in exchange for Mc Donald's the following morning), that way I wouldn't worry about wasting all that time on the road. It was only a ten minute drive to work from mine. She never replied, normally, she always replied to my texts, almost immediately. I didn't bother to tell her why I asked or that I was no longer going to need the ride or whatever because she didn't come back to me to begin with.

That night, I got up around 9:30pm, took a quick shower, put my scrubs (uniform) on and went to work. I had so much homework! My gosh! MB texted me while I was trying to sleep to find out if I needed a ride. I told her I no longer needed it. She asked if I was ok, I told her I was. Go figure, she probably wanted to call 911 again smdh. She arrived that night at work, walked right by me and bumped me! I thought that was not only rude but high school, especially for a 42 year old mormon. Thanks to my delayed reaction and my ability not to react when someone does something for attention, I ignored her. She was talking over me that night and acting really nasty toward me. That was new to me because even in school, i was never that kid who gets bullied.

We had three aides at night, one for each wing and one who helped out with both. I had one of the two wings, the guy who I liked, in a, you're a cool colleague type way, had the other wing and MB was floating. As a float, you have a few rooms designated to you and then you help out the other aides. MB was busy doing unnecessary paperwork on the guy's side, ignoring her rooms which were right next to my wing so I was responding to her rooms instead of studying. I know I didn't get paid to study but I could if she could do what she was getting paid for too. I was losing my patience, no pun intended. I asked her over the radio if she was going to be taking care of any of her rooms that night of was I supposed to take care of mine and hers. She went, "EXCUSE ME!' She has anger management issues, she was ready to fight. I wasn't. I was ready to study. I needed her to start working, so I could go on with my life. She came over to my table, where I was trying to study when I didn't entertain her when she tried to be dramatic over the radio. She was so angry, she was panting up and down, having trouble to breathe, a hot mess, I tell ya! I focused on the book. First thing she said was, 'you're walking home tomorrow!' B*tch, f*ck off! Why would you think that's a big problem for me? I have had bigger mountains to climb and I did just fine without you, why would you think I need your sorry *ss to take me home! Youre're not be all end all of my life! I can take public transport. Plus, I wasn't going home that entire week, so I don't know what the f*ck she was on about you're walking home tomorrow. You're buying your own Mc Donald's tomorrow! What a Jerk! Who says that to a friend? Ugh. Needless to say, I am just venting, that's how I felt but I never said any of that to her. I completely ignored her.

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! YOU HAVE BEEN USING ME ALL ALONG, PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND! NOBODY LIKES ME! I WAS WONDERING WHY YOU LIKED ME, YOU DIDN'T, YOU WERE USING ME FOR RIDES. THAT'S IT, I'M DONE! NO MORE RIDES FOR YOU! WE WILL SEE WHO IS GOING TO TAKE YOU HOME TOMORROW! I WILL NOT BE USED. TELL ME THE TRUTH, ADMIT IT! YOU WERE USING ME, WEREN'T YOU?"

Did I even look at her? Nope! I heard her because she was right there, literally yapping into my ear, otherwise, she was the least of my concerns, drawing attention to herself in a nursing home where people had serious problems, in the middle of the night. She went on and on, panting up and down. Then she burst our crying, she was having a melt down! I thought, you know what, I'm gonna let her let it all out. She obviously needed the release. I would suggest she get laid but she was a 42 year old virgin, so... 'YOU WERE MAKING FUN OF MY RELATIONSHIP, NO FRIEND DOES THAT! YOU ARE NOT A FRIEND, MAKING FUN OF ME BECAUSE I AM STILL A VIRGIN, BLAH BLAH BLAH'. #delusional. I never made fun of her, who am I to make fun of her virginity? It's her choice! Hard as it may be to believe, I don't think about her v*gina! At all!

She went on for a good while, then came and sat at the table across from me and said, 'Shame, are you studying? Would you like me to help you? Let me Help you! Will you need a ride tomorrow?'