Sunday, February 17, 2019

Deportation: Good-bye American Dream!

At this point, I had returned my wedding ring to my husband, Calvin. He tried giving it back to me. I told him to hold on to it until we were at a point where we both felt like a married couple again. If we were ever going to get back to that point! He didn't love hearing this but I had to be protective of my heart. And his. This whole experience is not about a piece of jewelry to me but feelings. Are we both happy in this union? That's the
question!

Having left for a couple of weeks and experienced peace and serenity more than the longing for my husband, was very telling. Being back and feeling like I was in the middle of war, was just as telling of our relationship.

I could tell that things were different and would never get back to where they were from the vibe around the house, whether we were both home or just myself. You know when things are different, like, for example, when someone dies. Even on you OK days, you can tell that there's a missing energy around the house? That's the best way I can describe the tone of the house to you.

Everyone in the neighborhood was avoiding me at this point. Except the people across the street. The guy who always stares at me, even when I'm looking at him! And his elderly parents. We never talked to each other, but they always said hi. That was always appreciated. Especially at a time when people that I thought I had formed bonds with acted like we never met. It was a weird period all around!

I would go for walks and find everyone chilling in the front yard when I got back home and my heart would sink because of the awkwardness. I wouldn't know whether to say hi or just walk past them like it's nothing. I decided to say hi. Some responded, some didn't. These are all people we used to hug whenever we saw each other! Now, it's just a mumbled hi. Calvin would sometimes not respond when I say hi in front of his friends. As soon as they left, he would be trying to get back together. Wow! Who are these people!

There was a lot of crying and comforting but I wasn't sure why the one who was crying was the one doing it, but I was still going to be that shoulder.

One day, I booked the Steve Harvey show. I remember being in high spirits, dressed in bright colors, off to Universal Studios.

That's me on the Day of Steve Harvey
They like solid bright colors, so I had my orange top on over a plum dress, haha! 

That morning, before the show, I had gotten notification from USPS (the post office aka United States Postal Services) that I was getting mail from Immigrations that day. I was already in a great mood, this just made my mood that much lighter. It must me my long awaited Green Card! I thought to myself. 

Home from the show, I rush straight for the mailbox, just as I was about to open it up, my mood shifted. I knew then and there my good mood had nothing to do with what was in the mailbox. Why else would I suddenly feel so heavy as I'm about to open the very thing I had been waiting for for an entire year? It was a thick envelope! I folded it over to feel for the card. I couldn't feel it. At this point  my heart was about to pop right out of my mouth. I was breathing funny! I didn't have time to read the whole thing but I did want to know what was going on. It's a long driveway to the house from the gate, and there are cameras everywhere. I had been reminded about my behaviour around the house when I'm home alone lately, which reminded me not to be so relaxed around the cameras. You get used to them, you know? Then you forget! I tried to act normal, lest someone sees that footage and demands to see what was in the envelope. Just before I put the documents back into the envelope for the cameras, I had spotted a line along the lines of Denial of my Green Card

Somewhere in the document, there was a line that stated that the decision was final and I had 30 days to leave the country. Fuuuuuuuuuccccckkkk! Am I really getting deported, right now?

I was about to pass out! But I could react on camera. Soon as I walked into the house, my knees gave in! I crumbled right onto the living room floor just before my room. I couldn't make it into my room. I was struggling to breathe. I think I was having some kind of a breakdown

I needed to talk to someone, otherwise I was going to lose my mind! One of my sisters was on vacation. I wasn't going to wake her from her sleep in the middle of a vacation to tell her I was getting deported! I called another sister of mine, I have 3. She was sound asleep. She misunderstood everything. Thinking I was saying, I was having a heart attack. Poor thing! Apparently, a friend of hers was admitted to hospital the night before for heard attack, that's the last call she got before bed. Now, me! 

I called a girl I know who referred me to an immigration's lawyer. I love lawyers. I'm a law school drop out myself. But something about this idea didn't resonate with me. And you know me, I feel my way through life. It it doesn't feel right in my gut, I'm probably not going to do it! I did send one email to the lawyer, she replied same day but I didn't follow through because my heart wasn't into it.

I had one more thing to think about, other than what the fck was I going to do? I had to think about how I was going to confront my husband about the fact that I found out from immigrations that he requested that I be deported!


2 comments:

Tembz Didit said...

Feels new all the time. Like the was yesterday

Babalwa Brook said...

What does?