Saturday, November 01, 2014

Know What I'm Saying?

Just before my vacation, I met, Tortoise online. He is much older. Like, much much. He sent me an email, asking me to prove that I am who I am and am where I say I am. He wanted me to send him mail from Los Angeles. That way, he would see on the postage stamp that the mail was mailed from Los Angeles. He also told me that he wanted to meet up. He wasn't going to drive all the way to meet me in California. He wanted me to meet him at the State-ine. On the border of Nevada and California. I thought he was being ridiculous. I told him that I don't know about him, but I personally hadn't even established whether or not I wanted to be part of his life that I would go through all that trouble to prove to him all those things. I told him that he was the one with issues, therefore he should figure out how he was going to prove all this for his own sanity.

We exchanged a few emails. On my profile, I had selected artist under job. He himself is an artist, he's a painter. He got so excited, thinking that like him, I had gone to school for art. Even if I were an artist, that's not necessary the route everyone becomes an artist. It was rather presumptuous of him, but what are you gonna do? The arts industry entails way more than painters and drawers.

One of the days, he asked to call me, he had told me that he's a blues singer as well. I thought that was interesting. He sounded like everyone I have met in Los Angeles, they are all gifted in more ways than one. Triple or Quadruple threats so to speak.  I gave him my number. I also told him that way, he could prove that I was really in LA. I have an LA number. Still do, even though I'm no longer there. He told me that wasn't proof enough, he still wanted me to write him a letter. Too bad, that wasn't gonna happen! I'm not running up and down the streets of Hollywood, trying to catch the post office in time before it closes to mail a letter to a man I hardly know. Someone I have no intentions of being with. I was just talking to him because he was there and one can always have more friends. Nothing wrong with that. I don't write my friends letters. That's ridiculous, this is not 1864!

After having given him my number, he turned around and gave me his number. He told me to call him. I was like, this guy sure seems to be sure of himself, why am I calling him? Let's call him and see what he has to say that can't be said if he makes the call himself. He merely picked up the phone and asked if I could hear him. I told him I could.
T: 'Can you here me now?'
Me: YES!
T: 'And now?'
T: Nooowwww?
Me: YYYYEESSSSS. WHAT'S GOING ON? (rolling my eyes)

Before my eyes could get to the roof of my head, I guitar strings! I was being serenaded! He belted out to the top of his lungs! I was like, well, I be damned!

Funny because earlier that evening, I had chatted with another dude on the same site, he serenaded me as well with his bass guitar. Who can say no to that? The dude from earlier and I had chatted a bit first, he didn't just ram it down my throat. No pun intended.

Tort played the whole song. It seems longer when you had no idea what is going on. I was still kinda taken aback. Afterwards, he asked what I thought of the song. I mean, what do you say? I told him I liked it. He told me that he wrote it for me. Uhm?!?!?!?!?!? Then he hung up. Click! Just like that! The call was just for him to perform his song. I guess that was my paying for entry to his private show!  I was left more confused than before.

We continued to talk over time. He suggested at some point that I could move to Las Vegas if I wish. I could be his back up singer. He performs at open mics weekly and the crowd loves him (?!?!?!!??!). They sometimes let him perform hours in a row, even past the allocate time. I don't know how sober these people are by the time he performs. I'm not saying his bad, I'm just saying, you know what I'm saying? He also has t-shirts that he has drawn on, a number of suitcases full of them that he told me I could also sell when in Vegas if I decide to move here. He owns a three bedroom house. Owns it! I don't know how many times he told me he owns the house as if it's the first thing he has ever owned in his life. He had been married twice before. The second wife used to sell the T-shirts for him. It's team work though. Tortoise will play the guitar, sing the blues (yawn) to draw the crowd in, then I would sell to the crowd. He told me we could split the profit. It probably is a great idea, but I don't know if I want to move to Vegas to be this person's entourage. I want to be the lead in my own life, or even a partner with my better half but nobody's shadow. If I am not his back up singer in a free gig, I am selling t shirt in the desert son in the streets of Las Vegas. I grew up doing that. During school holidays, we had no choice but to help mom sell secondhand clothes and curtains on the side of the streets. I wished I didn't have to but we had to put food on the table. At this point in my life, I don't know if I want to be with a man my mom's age, struggling to make ends meet. Men out there, if you want to sleep with a child, be prepared to make her life as comfy and cosy as ever! Whether they admit this to you or not, no child wants to be with an old, wrinkly man who has nothing to offer. Not just that, but who's going to make her move backwards in life. None of this makes a woman want to take her knickers off and open her legs. Come on now! Two marriages and you still haven't learnt anything? This kind of behaviour bothers me!

I see a lot of men who are old enough to me my father or grandfather who are looking for an independent man, who don't pay for sex, who are not looking to be nobody's sugar daddy, and yet are not willing to date people their age. They want to sleep with children. It's disgusting! These kids are bringing their youth,the humiliation of being with your old, wrinkly ass, what are you bringing to the table? Blues? T Shirts that you don't know what to do with? That's not bringing something to the table? That's something that's been in the garage for years. We're talking about the table here, not the garage. Have some pride!

Daniel and I were going to meet at 7. He was taking me out for dinner on my first night in Vegas. I had tickets to a show that night at 10. Two tickets. I'd invited Daniel to see it with me. He hadn't made up his mind about it yet. Initially, I was going to see Criss Angel's Magic show but apparently he broke his arm and was on sick leave. They told me they had a hip hop dance group that were winners of America's best Dance crew;  Jabbawockeez. Because of the timing of that show, I had to go for a different one because I wanted to accommodate Daniel. The much later show that night was Fantasy, a Burlesque show in a theatre at the resort where I was staying. 

I turned on my phone, sent a courtesy text to Tortoise apologising about him. I explained to him that my phone had died and I had to put it on charge. He knew that I had arrived that very day. His response was, 'you have a phone in the hotel room'. I thought to my self, THE NERVE! Is this fool expecting me to know his number by heart? To then dial it on the hotel phone, to say what to him? I had already told him what I wanted to tell him anyways, that I was now in Vegas, I arrived safely. It was a courtesy call. He has my number, I didn't see him calling me asking if I arrived safely or if  I needed a ride from the station. So please! Instead, he had said that if I have time, I could take the bus to his house and we could hang out over there, I could see this house he lives in that he owns. I could spend the night, the has two spare bedrooms. I should know though that he doesn't have beds in the house. IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE!  There are no beds in the whole house! I would have to sleep on the carpet. He has comfortable rugs on the floor that I could sleep on. Mind you, I'd never met this person and he has all these weird demands from the 1800's. He has a car, and, let's say, hypothetically speaking, I intended to forgo my paid for hotel on the Exciting Las Vegas Strip and go sleep on the floor in the house he owns, Why would I take the bus there? He could at least pick me up. What a narcissist!

I never replied to his text about the hotel telephone. I thought to myself, choose your battles, Brook. So I didn't choose that one. I chose the battle of going out with The Italian Stallion who had driven three hours to take me to a five star hotel on our first date. I put my wig on, make up, perfume, new dress number one, heels. Daniel called when he was on his way to pick me up. Butterflies! He called when he arrived, I was almost done. I was done, right? But not done enough to step out like that! :)

When I was finally done done, I stepped out, took the elevator to the foyer, Daniel was waiting for me there. It was so nice to see him! To think that that was only the second time we were seeing each other in our entire lives after talking for about three months!

Friday, October 31, 2014

Cross That Bridge When You Get To It

The bus must have stopped once or twice on the way to Vegas.

I was well equipped, if you know me, you know I always come prepared and I'm cheap. Shameless too. #NoShameInMyGame. I had gone to the 99 cents before heading out to Vegas. I had a few things in my fridge that I wasn't going to use. I thought, why not return these and exchange them for stuff I can use on the road? Something like that. I headed that way, they took everything. It was like 6 items. I told you, shameless! I got myself some nuts, pretzels, fruit and candy. I get motion sickness, without actually throwing up. Thanks goodness and knock on wood. So, I don't eat just before I go on the road or during. I can get away with having some snacks, depending on how I feel at the time. I'm sure some of you relate. I froze a big bottle of water for the road too. I drink a lot of water, like 2 gallons of water per day. That's more than 6 litres, per day.

I slept throughout and got out to use the restrooms when we stopped. Daniel was already in Vegas. He asked if I wanted him to pick me up on my arrival. I was due to arrive at 05:00. I thanked him for the generous offer but wouldn't put anybody in that position. What time would he have to get up to pick me up? Plus I wanted to look cute when I saw him, no funky breath, crusty eyes and all that crap. I didn't buy all those new clothes for nothing. Shoot! I wanted to get to my hotel, settle in, etc before I meet him. I had everything planned out.

We arrived in Vegas just after 05:00. VIVA LAS VEGAS! Man, I can still feel in my veins the excitement! I grabbed my suitcase and went to the ticket kiosk. I bought a weekly ticket. I wanted to be able to go wherever, whenever without having to stress about buying tickets every time I got on the bus. Plus you know what it's like, it's no fun taking out your wallet, paying for sht every time. I went into the restroom, freshened up, homeless person style, if you catch my drift. I was going to be out and about all day before my 4pm check in at the hotel. I brushed my teeth, put make up on, I didn't want to be outdone by the showgirls, I had to pull my weight, this is Vegas after all! I put some perfume on. I did take with me two bottles after all.

I took my time getting ready. It was still very early any way. I know Vegas is a 24  City but I had time. When I was done, I looked up buses. I already had an idea that I wanted to take the Deuce double decker bus. I had planned to sit on the top deck (my Cadbury's Top Deck. My favorite.) I had my camera with me, fully charged, i charged my phone while at the station while freshening up as well, I was takinh pictures with the Camera and some with the phone to send to my fam and friends on Instagram and Facebook. It was a great time! When I got off the bus, right across the street from my hotel, by the way, everything is across the street in Vegas, I called everyone back home. From my mom all the way down to my niece. My mom didn't pick up as usual. My two sisters, who I talk to everyday, did. I was like I'm in Vegas, bitches! I tell ya, I was so happy, I was standing at this traffic light, talking on the phone and twerking at six o'clock. The cars were honking, I was waving at everybody. I don't know, I may have been more excited to arrive in Vegas than in the US! I was looking at this stretch of tall buildings ahead of me. I couldn't believe that I was about to enjoy it all. I finally crossed the street when I was done with my phone calls, dropped my luggage off at the hotel and went on my merry way.

I had no specific plans about what to do first, really, I stood in front of the hotel/resort, looked left, right, left and went left! there was more going on on the left. The right was where the bus had come from, I'd seen some of that side. Legoooooo!

I went in and out of casinos. Here's the thing, the casinos in Vegas aren't just casinos, hotels aren't just hotels. They are some of, if not, the biggest hotels in the world. It's hotel/casino/resort. There's something to see or do in every hotel. Some people come to Vegs, stay in their Resort until they leave. They have everything you need entertainment, right there! To go to the next resort, you usually don't even need to go out the building and get fried by the desert sun, you can do so by exiting through the side door of one resort right into the next. There are no windows in the resorts and no Clocks. There's no way of telling time. Free drinks for gamblers. So here you are, trying to find your way to a particular spot on the Strip, you're trying to get to the bus, but because everything is across the street in Vegas, you have to take an elevator, go upstairs, cross a bridge, get to the other side, take another elevator, then get into a casino, to get  to the next one or something, like, nothing is straight forward. It looks like it is. Everything looks like it's right here, there's something about the way they build these things, they are ginormous and they look like it's the next building, don't try to walk there, take the bus. It's not as close as it seems. Trust me. Anyways, so you've just crossed the street, trying to get to the next building, you walk into the one right by the elevator, someone stops you with a giant smile, asks if you're alone and offers you free stuff. They give you the most lucrative deal you can ever imagine. Before you know if, you'e ready to take out your credit card, as you're busy with this one, there are two others making eye contact with you. They're the most beautiful people and are dressed to the nines. They have amazing deals for you! They will offer you something like, a day packed with trips around the strip, to the attractions, free buffet, a limo ride, and $500 worth of gambling money. All you have to do is pay $50 for it. I ain't kiddning ya! That's all! Here you are, thinking, if I was going to go to some of these places and pay $50 per gig, why won't I go for this deal and get $500 on top of it to gamble. You're buying $500 for $50. Plus you could win some money gambling!

Whether you take the above deal or not, say you decide to try your luck on the Penny Slots. What's a penny, right? A Cent! I mean, really now! A hot waitress, comes by, offers you free drinks, you keep gambling, they keep the drinks coming. You win some, you lose, whatever, you're getting buzzed. Before you know it, you're hungry, you see a sign for Mc Donald's right inside the building. You're thinking, Dollar menu! Yay! You make your way there, distracted, taking pictures, sometimes you lose signal on the phone, so you keep moving. Who cares? You're in Vegas. You stand in line, order a wad of food from the Dollar menu, you're thinking it's only a dollar each but you end up spending what you would've spent at a buffet for way more and a different experience. Mc Dee's are everywhere anyway. You sit, eat, get full, then realise how tired you are. You walk out the hotel, try to find a bus stop, which is probably on the other side of the street. You forgot all about the spot you were headed for to begin with. That's Vegas for ya!

I heard they release oxygen in the middle of the night into the casinos to keep people wide awake and fresh, that way you don't go home, you keep gambling. You know, the house always win, so this is all to their advantage. If you lose a lot of money, you can get everything for free. This is a trick into making you not feel like an absolute loser for losing it all. But really, you have! When you go home, reality will sink in. I'm glad I don't drink. I don't have to play penny slots for free alcohol and spending all my money, one penny at a time. I am also not a big gambler. Anymore ;) I gambled some in Fourways, South Africa. Monte Casino.

I walked around, took pictures, asked strangers to take pictures of me with my camera, took pictures with strangers with their cameras. All in the name of fun. It's Vegas, everyone's in a good mood. They know what happens here will stay here, unless you get herpes, the gift that keeps on giving or fall pregnant. Around 3pm, I crossed the street, and started making my way back towards my hotel. Check in was 4pm. I was tired. I wanted to take a nice bath, haven't taken a bath since Connecticut, when I first got to the US. I took the bus back south on the Strip, got off right across my casino, crossed, I was getting used to the crossing thing. And you know, you don't just cross anywhere. You might have to walk an entire block before you can cross and like I said before, sometimes you've gotta cross that bridge when you get there. But what can you do? Nothing can bring you down, you're on vacation! Everyone's smiling atcha!

I got to the hotel, waited in the check in line for about 15 minutes before they did me. Get your mind out of the gutter! I see you! According the desk, The room that I had won was no longer available. Plan B was to upgrade me to an even better room. What! Sign me up! She showed me the one I was supposed to get, then showed me upgrade options. I tell you, they upgraded me three rooms up! I was like, is this the best day of my life or what? I was so happy, I could kiss the lady. she gave me the pen to sign some paperwork. The pen had the hotel's name and was amazing to write with. I have a thing about pens. I still have pens from Durban, Joburg, Georgia, you name it! I asked her who I would have to sleep with to get one of those pens. She thought that was funny but really, must as I love pens, I needed to get laid more than I needed the pen. She gave me about a dozen of those pens and told me she loves me I made her day. I thought to myself if you love me so much, why am I not getting laid right now? Plus you don't need to tell me you love me jut to get into my knickers. Haha. Legoooooo! #WhatHappensInVegas

I got to my room, the dude brought my luggage to the room. The room was ginormous! I had two queen size beds, a dining area with a small table and two chairs, a living room with a giant purple couch, big flat screen tv, a huge bathroom with a big shower for two, you know, with two heads? I had a jacuzzi in my bedroom, well, next to one of the beds was a staircase, and then the jacuzzi, and an amazing view of the strip. Man, is this heaven or what? I only had a couple of hours before my appointment with Daniel. By the way, he called to check up on me during his break at the convention. I told him I was here, and was having a blast. He was excited to meet up later. We both were. I turned the tv in the bedroom on and soaked in the jacuzzi. There's a man I met online who lives in Vegas. I started talking to him not too long before my trip. You wanna have backup you know? I didn't even know Daniel was going to be in Vegas at the same time as me then. We'll call this man Tortoise. He knew when I was going to be in Vegas but we didn't make any solid plans to meet. He told me to call him if I had a gap in my day and maybe we could go to a gig and I can watch him play.

I called Tortoise, told him I was in Vegas, we talked for a minute and my battery died. I put the phone on charge and went to sleep. I took a two hour nap. Before I knew it, it was time to get up and get ready for my date with Daniel.

Happy Halloween, folks!

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Have A Nice Day!

I couldn't wait to go back to the apartment to tell Carly about the Surprise. It was a nice way to start my birth month!

The show was great as usual. I think I went to the Arsenio Hall Show that night. Then back home. Nothing eventful happened thereafter, the usual girl talk with Carly, laughing until out stomachs hurt. I swear, she and I would as much as look at each other and we would roll on the floor laughing. It was great. She reminded me so much of my niece who doubles up as one of my best friends. We had our ups and downs. She never cleaned up after herself. I would like to lie and say, it's the story of my life, none of my roommates ever clean up after themselves but that won't be true. Just the roommates I had at my own apartment didn't clean up. All my other roommates, at least here in the US, did. The Superhero one, would wake up and spring clean, it was adorable. If I didn't know him well enough, sht, I'd thank him for it. If you know what  I mean ;)

Carly would drop a piece of paper or something, anything, on the floor and be ever so nonchalant about it. It's a small apartment, you wanna pick up after yourself cos it doesn't take much to mess it up. I remember one day, I was so fed up with her shenanigans, I asked her if she was gonna pick that up, she looked at me, smiled, made a cute face, batted her eyelashes and kept talking. Like, hello, I don't sleep with you. I got the same thing you have, your batting your eyelashes is wasted on me. Pick the thing up and throw it in the garbage bin! It's a small place. It will take you the same amount of time to throw it in the trash can as it did you trying to seduce me! With more positive result. Let's go! Anyway, she kicked it under the bed and kept talking. It bothered me so much, I felt like she found my Achilles heel and was on it! And was enjoying watching me squirm.

Honestly, the messiness was the only problem I had with her. Only, it was a big problem because everything in the apartment was mine, so whatever is getting messed up, I have spent money on and she didn't. I am not a big fan of cooking. I stock my fridge up with tv dinners aka frozen meals. They have some good ones out there. Clearly, I'm not high maintenance, right? Or I must really hate to cook. I have one pot. A Cute, expensive, all in one I got from the Queen La Fah show. You can use it on the stove top, in the microwave or in the grill. It's amazing. After Jon moved out, I decided to start cooking and eat healthier. I had been using said pot a lot more. By the time Carly moved in, it was always on the stove being used or in the sink getting washed. That cycle stopped when she got there. First of all, after Jon moved out, I promised myself No more Mr. Nice guy! Pay 50% rent and use you own sht. This is not your grandma's apartment! 

Carly didn't care though, she has the most impressive sense of entitlement. That girl will take your earphones while you're at work, by the time you need them, she's away for the weekend. I'm talking about the ones that you stick into your ears. How gross is that? I had to use alcohol and Peroxide to disinfect them before I used them again. You can get earphone for a dollar. I don't know why she couldn't grab herself a pair. For some reason, she liked my nail polishes more than hers, so she would ask to 'borrow' mine. It's awkward. Nail polish is not expensive, she was working as a waitress and had her father pay rent for her, she came home with tips every night and would buy take out dinner every night, eat it on the bus and come home and throw the containers in the trash can, go to sleep, wake up the following day and go to work, come back with more take away containers, stuff them in the trash can. If they don't fit, they're gonna be placed on top of the can. Fck anyone else who may want to use the can. Or you can empty it. Seriously, some of the things she did, I could swear she did them just to spite my ass. Why would you go through the trouble of taking home empty containers? I''m talking about a big one for maybe a burger, one for fries, one for salad and a giant one for soda. Like a whole five meal course worth of containers! 

She also cooked a lot. There's only one pot in the apartment. That's not enough for one person, but if you are going to move in, have the decency to at least buy one more, that way you can make two pot meals. Right? Wrong! She would use that one pot, watch desperate housewives on Netflix and completely forget about the pot. That girl burnt that pot every single time she cooked with it! I'm like, don't you learn? Lower the heat! It's not that hard! (That's what she said haha, sorry, I had to ;)) She would bat her eyelashes and burn it again, sht, she didn't give a flying rats's ass. She would then soak it in the sink and live it there, eat take aways until the pot is cleaned. Not by her. My heart was bleeding. 

Second week rooming with Carly, I got ready for Vegas, as I have told you a little about it on this blog. I talked to my 'boss' whose birthday is on April 12th. Mine is on the 10th. Feel free to diarise it. I'm big on special occasions. It's the Hollywood girl in me. I will celebrate the opening of an envelope! I'm just that girl! I packed a week in advance and kept making changes until the final day. All my stuff fit in my carry on suitcase. It was a week's trip, I was going to go there by bus. I wasn't trying to be ridiculous. I had the carry on bag and a hand bag, that's it! 

Dan had invited me to leave me early, so we would have more time to spend together in Vegas. He told me that I could stay in his room with him. He had two beds in his room. I was like, yeah, that'll be a no! Thanks though! Under no circumstances is it ever a good idea for a woman and a man to share a room when they are dating before they define what the relationship is! Someone is bound to get hurt. Unless they both know they just wanna be FWB (Friends with benefits). I am not that girl. I'll have a relationship with that please! Thanks. Have a nice day now! 

He was like, don't worry, you can trust me, nothing will happen! I told him, it's myself I don't trust! Whatever. I had to come up with something not offensive to get myself out of that situation. He then told me that he would stay one more night in Vegas just so we could spend more time together. I thought that was very nice. Daniel being in Vegas while I was there that week was one of the highlights of my vacation. And year.

My bus was leaving at midnight. It's a 30 minute commute from my place to Union Station, LA. I left after 10pm. I didn't want to be late. That's like the last thing you need. You would rather be that nerd who is so early, people watching, than miss your bus. I got there nice and early, checked in and waited outside until the bus got there. It was nice outside. Union Station is beautiful too, at least outside, there are nice views, so I enjoyed all that. I was in high spirits, what was there not to enjoy?

The bus left on time. They told me my suitcase was too big for a carry on, so they put it in the back with everyone else's ginormous suitcases that probably had corpses in them smdh. I found a nice seat towards the back and got to seat by myself. The bus was nice and clean. There was a girl who was talking on the phone, telling everybody she loves them. She was literally the only one talking on the phone probably in the entire coach. Fortunately as soon as we pulled off, she wrapped it up. I was tired, I needed to sleep, I wanted to Vegas it up the following day. No time to sleep in the day time. THIS IS VEGAS! I was glad the bus was comfy and peaceful for me to be able to get some shut eye.


Saturday, October 11, 2014


Life went back to 'normal' soon after my roommie sobered up. I got a call from Daniel that Sunday. We chatted for a while. Daniel is the Italian that we like from San Diego who took me to Gordon Ramsay's restaurant for our first date,

I had won hotel stays in Las Vegas from both the Dr Phil show and Let's Make a deal. Both stays came with free shows at the respective hotels. I had planned to make a vacation of it around my birthday time. I am that girl who is so used to be alone that I do special things for myself on special occasions. Ain't no shame in that! Right? I had only been to Vegas all of less than an hour on my way to LA moving back there from Utah. I decided to take the bus so I could see what's up on the way between the two states It was a good more than ten hour ride. We changed buses in Las Vegas. I will never forget the feeling that overcame me when I saw the lights. Oh, the lights! It was midnight when we arrived in Vegas that night, Perfect time to see the lights, they were everywhere. It felt kinda like New York but had a different feel to it. Of course this assessment was being made by someone who had just woken up with lights all over her. I knew I had to go back. Like for real go back and actually experience Las Vegas. I had wanted to visit Vegas when I still lived in Salt Lake city but that never materialised because the need to move back to LA overtook that of visiting Vegas. Vegas is halfway between Los Angeles and Salt Lake City, so I could always pick up on those plans at a later stage. It would take the same amount of time to get there from either City.

Around March, I made arrangements, booked the hotels and reserved the shows. Fortunately, I got my roommate situation sorted out. I could easily go away. It was a girl I trusted. I didn't have to worry about leaving her with my stuff less than two weeks after her move in. I wasn't not going to go to Vegas. I just had to hope for the best. I planned to stay at one hotel when I arrived, see a show that very night and then move to the next hotel for the rest of my stay. I planned to see my second show on my birthday. I booked a midnight bus from LA, I would arrive in Vegas at 5am. Five am in a city you had never been too! I'm a big girl. I can handle it! That would give me more time to spend in vegas. I was only going to be there for  a week, so I traveled light. I bought a cute carry on luggage specifically for Vegas. I had been through a lot, I wanted my first vacation in the States to be amazing. I went shopping for vacation clothes. I got myself three amazing dresses, underwear, the works. I colored my short hair and took a wig with me just in case. It was exciting. I did take about six pairs of shoes with me but who's counting? I took a number of leggings with me for the walking I was going to do there. I had done my research, you have to. You're screwed if you don't! I had outfits for daytime and night time.

In our conversation, Daniel told me that he would like to see me again but he was going to travel for a convention for a week. I asked where to. He told me Vegas. I asked WHEN? Lo and behold Daniel and I were going to be in Vegas the same time! Best week ever! He didn't take me seriously when I told him that my tickets were booked, I was going to be in Vegas that same week.

On April First aka April fool's day, I wanted to prank someone, good. I told Carly, that I wanted to prank Daniel. We kinda knew each other but not that much. The prank was going to have enough tension to make it awkward enough. What better way to get to know someone better than to April Fool's Joke them, right? I had to be at Arsenio Hall Show that afternoon. I got ready and left early. The sun was shining, it was a great day. I walked to Sunset and Bronson Studios. It's like 15 minutes walk. I called Daniel as I walked up Bronson Street. The stupid phone went to voicemail. Think, fast! I had never left Daniel a voicemail before, I would always email him after not getting hold of him on the phone. This time I decided to leave him a message. This was urgent! Hi, Daniel, it's Brook. Surprise!!!!!!!!! I'm in San Diego!!!!!!!! Call me back. In fact, I'm at the train station! It's uhm, blah blah blah station by the Blah blah blah College on 12th Street. That's close to your office right? I am not sure how to get to your office from here, can you call me back or come get me. Oh my Gosh, I'm so excited! Call me baaaaaccckkkkk!' Click.

I literally was soooo excited after leaving him that message,  I couldn't imagine what would go on on his mind. I know he has jam packed days. That would definitely be an inconvenience for him. I was approaching the studio. My concern was that he would call after I switched off my phone. That would mess up everything. Then it would really be an April fool's joke... on me! Just before I reached the studios, Dan called back. I was like, Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Surpriiiiisssseeeeee! He was like, where are you? I asked if he got my message. He told me he did but he wasn't in the office all day that day. He was prepping for his Vegas trip. It was a busy week. Where was I? I was like wow, to think I came all the way here to surprise you. It's fine. If you don't want to see me. I'll take the next train back to LA. He said, 'You didn't come all the way here without telling me!' WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T? I'M TELLING YOU, I DID! IT WAS A SURPRISE. I AM HERE NOW BUT I WILL HEAD BACK, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. BYE DANIEL!

He went quiet for a while and repeated, Brook, you didn't come all the way here without telling me. I laughed and said April fool's joke. I was beginning to feel bad.He was like, YOU ARE A BAD GIRL!  HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!  He said he was thinking, who can he get to go pick me up. What was he going to do with me now that I was there and he was in meetings out of the office. I was just laughing the whole time. My plan worked. Happy April Fool's day to me!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


Back to my new roommie, Carly.

Busy as a bee, she would get up in the morning and head for work in Santa Monica where she worked as a waitress. She would work double shifts etc and work on her off days. That girl has a strong work ethic; commendable for a 21 year old model. She could easily be a spoilt brat. I'm not judging, big ups to all the spoilt brats of the world; Hashtag I N V U! Plus he dad pays her rent, which is the most expensive bill.

She was looking for a boyfriend. She joined Tinder. I checked it out; not for me. It seems more like a hookup site than a meet-someone-for-a-real-real-relationship-site. Wait, is there such a thing? At the risk of sounding like I'm talking to myself, yeah, kinda, there is. Sites like Plenty of fish or POF are more hookup sites in my humble opinion. If you happen to have met someone on one of these sites or any site for that matter, please share below on comments, or facebook me, I'd love to hear about it. Or you can still hit me up, let's talk about whatever you wanna talk about.

Speaking of talking, how do you girls (or guys) feel about the men who send you a friend request on Facebook, you accept, then immediately message you, asking to be your friend? I tell them, I have just accepted your friend request, we're friends, pls don't inbox me again! Yesterday, I got a friend request from a man in Ghana. At least his profile says he's in Ghana, he could be anywhere really. He is friends with a friend of mine from here in Vegas. I normally, I know this is going to sound hypocritical to people who are not from South Africa, don't accept friend requests from people from other parts of Africa. I say this with love but I have had bad experiences with those 'friends' before. I made an exception with this one because I think I remember my friend had told me about him before, I had warned her about befriending African guys but she seems to have a soft spot for them.For the heck of it, I accepted. Before the ink even got dry on his notification page about me having accepted his request, I got a Hello dear. That dear makes me wanna shoot myself three times in the head! How are you? Nice pic! Can we be good friends? How does it seem normal to this guy to request to be someone's good friend? Like in which alternative universe do people say such things? Or am I the odd one here? My response was Pls write me on my wall. He said cool. Half a second later, he sent another message. I copied and pasted, pls write me on my wall. What I mean is, don't say things to me that you don't want to say in public. I don't want to have that kind of a relationship with you, plus, I don't know you WTF?!?!?!?!?! He messaged back, but I like messenger. Excuse me, but is there somewhere on my page where it says, BABALWA BROOK, WE AIM TO PLEASE? I don't give a flying rat's ass if you like messenger or not,  I like using my wall,  now what? Anyway. I didn't bother responding to his likes, I just blocked him. Was I harsh? Do you guys enjoy messaging guys you don't know on Facebook?  I have my regular people that I don't know in person but have exchanged comments with over the months and years, those guys can and do message me anytime and it's not weird. But I am weirded  out by guys who I wasn't even aware are on my fb friend list, who send me things like, hey, why are you up so late? (Usually, this would be someone in South Africa who is not aware that I am in a different time zone), what are you looking at online at this time? Or hey sexxxxyyy. how r u? Let me know when you're back in SA, I wanna tell you something. OR I am stuttering, I wonder why? I heard you on the radio this afternoon and thought I have to talk to this lady, what a voice! But now I am stuttering. Do you know why?
Anyway, I talked to my Vegas friend about her friend who had added me and she told me he had professed his love to her over the months. He told her that God picked her for him, he wants to be together soon. When she told him that it would be a while before she went to see him in Africa, he asked her to hook him up with one of her friends.

Carly moved in over the weekend, she worked the entire week. So did I but my gigs are flexible. I lived and worked in Hollywood mostly, so I could walk home in between shows etc. She worded an hour away, until 11 pm or so, so she would be back home after midnight. She was always talking on the phone when she arrived. She would usually finish up the conversation before walking into the apartment, which was nice but unfortunately, the walls are so thing, and at 1am, I could hear her from down the hallway. I felt bad for my neighbors. I also didn't think it was fair to tell her not to talk on the phone in the hallway. That should be up to the person if they want to be courteous by not wanting to wake the entire neighborhood up. Plus we had security who would, at times tell people to tone down the noise. She and her mom talked all the time on the phone too, they speak French????? It's a dialect of French. It's really rough, sounds more African than French. They talk first thing in the morning and last thing at night, for about two to three hours a call (probably less, but that's what it felt like). Sometimes, she would take her mom's calls in the room while I was fast asleep around 1/2am and whisper. I guess the whispering was so not to disturb my sleep. At 1 am! At that time you can even hear the person on the other side of the phone. Go to the bathroom or outside. I would even go to the roof top when I was on a call or skype when I roomed with Jom #LaptopThief cos  I didn't want to be that annoying person on the phone, even during the day. Granted, he should've gotten a job and not been at home 24/7 but it is what it is.

Second weekend after Carly moved in, she went to a party with her friends, got home around 2am. Here's what happened: I happened to have just gotten up to use the bathroom, just before she got home. I heard her outside trying to open the door, so I pretended to be dead while sitting on my bed lol. I was just sitting there, frozen with my eyes wide open. I held that pose for a minute, chick wouldn't get in, I could swear it was out door that someone was trying to open. I ended up just sitting there wondering if I was imagining things. A few minutes later, I heard a guy's voice asking, 'Are you ok?' I had to hear this, IS SHE OK? A woman's voice replied, 'no'. I thought to myself, what in heaven's name! The guy opened for her, she walked in reeking of alcohol. I was like well well well, what have we here, in my head. I asked if she was ok. She said she was drunk. She tumbled towards her bed, tripped on her suitcases, she had never fully unpacked, there was still a ginormous suitcase in  the middle of the room that she hadn't unpacked. I don't blame her much, there was no room. Kaboom! She fell! Christ! This chick is 5'10 (180cm), how am I going to carry her to her bed? She started talking crap. It was funny as hell. She is funny sober but hilarious drunk. I couldn't stop laughing, I had to just leave her, sit on the bed and laugh. She would try to get up and fall, you know the drill. I wondered if that's what I was going to have to deal with every weekend. I mean, I didn't know the girl, we had only roomed for a week! That was not part of the deal! I'm ok with her doing whatever she wanted with her life as long as it didn't affect me. The small studio we shared reeked, I had to open the window and turn on the fan for cross ventilation. Fortunately, it was warm.

I tried getting her up, she would keep falling. I told her I was going to bring her a pillow and a blanket, she might as well make herself comfortable on the floor. She was like, I am not a diva but I have high standards, I will not sleep on the floor hahahahha. I tried and tried and eventually, with her help, we got her on the bed. She slipped and fell onto the floor again. Great! She seemed to have miraculously regained her strength. She got herself up, got up, made her bed from scratch. She hardly ever made her bed, for some reason, that night at 2-3am, drunk as can be, she felt the need to make her bed. I was like this is not gonna end well! She did a good job of it, then went to the loo. She fell on the floor. That bathroom was cute but it was small. She didn't even have enough room to stretch her tall, model legs out. She was laughing, I was laughing. It wasn't that funny but funny at the same time. I helped her up. Turned out, she hadn't used the toilet yet, so I had to leave her there and hope for the best. Before I knew it, Bam! Omg, rushed back to the bathroom. I literally felt like I was still working with senior citizens where you had to be on high alert all the time. Only I wasn't getting paid for this. I found her in the bath time, I think she tried to sit down on the tub, maybe the thought that was the toilet seat. She ended up banging the back of her head on the wall, her bum was in the tub and her legs were hanging outside the tub. My main concern was, don't bleed, don't pass out, please. I went in there, asked if she was ok, what's my name, what's her name, you know the usual questions when you test someone's consciousness. She was ok. Thank goodness. I just didn't want to be calling 911 in the middle of the night. I didn't want to accompany her to the hospital, and all that. Why didn't any of this happen while she was still with her friends? I don't even know this girl. This is too much!

We eventually got her back to bed. Full party gear. That was the least of our worries at that point. I was chatting with my sister on whatsapp. While in the midst of that, I heard funny noises coming from the roommate's side. I turned the light on, went over to her side and lo and behold she was throwing up in her sleep. OMG! Don't let this child choke in her own vomit and die, dear Lord! I jumped up, laid her on her side, she had a clip on pony tail on that was long as hell, it was soaking on puke. I ran to the kitchen, grabbed the trash can, woke her up and told her she was throwing up, she needed to aim at the bucket. So now, not only was my beloved apartment reeking of alcohol, now add throw up to that!

She finally awoke while throwing up. She was so grossed out. When she was done, she was like, omg, I have to take a shower. EEEEEwwwwww, this has never happened to me before. I thought to myself, and I hope it never does again. At least not on my watch. I asked her to take the back when she had sobered up. She was still all over the place. I was not going to pick her ass up again.I asked her nicely to stay in bed and soak in her own vomit haha. I was nice about it :)
She refused, got her tall self up and headed for the bathroom. She got in the godforsaken bath tub, turned on the water in the shower head and went to town. She did a good job of not falling, took off some of the spoilt blankets and went to sleep. Praise the Lord!

The following day, we had to have a talk. I told her more than anything else, I was concerned about her safety. Plus what were her parents going to think knowing what was happening with their daughter who they had let move all the way to LA to pursue her dreams now she is acting a fool. Plus, I was not her caregiver, she should get it together. She apologised and asked for the videos I had taken of her when she was drunk. You know I took videos!

She threw away the spoilt blankets and the pony tail. Someone else would have washed the blankets but she was like, she couldn't get herself to sleep with it again. Her prerogative. She told me that she hadn't even drank that much but had smoked weed for the first time in her life just before getting off her friend's car. She suspected that that's what had gotten her to the point she was at. I had wondered why her friends dropped her off in that state and how she found our apartment. Apparently, she was fine until she got to the apt door. She got lucky. What if that happened while she was still in the elevator. People didn't even really know her yet, they wouldn't know what to do with her. Or they would. God forbid!

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Wife Killer

After our nice make out session, Daniel headed back to San Diego. I ran upstairs in sheer excitement, I didn't even feel the four flights of stairs.

He called after four hours or so. He got stuck in a bit of traffic on his way home. Poor thing I thanked him again for making that long drive, he told me, verbatim, 'You deserve it and more!' I was like dang, he's a keeper!

No word from him for a while. Daniel can go quiet, if you miss him, you have to call. Guaranteed, he will call you back within 24 hours. That's one thing about him. But you also don't want to be that girl. You know what I mean? I waited to hear back from him at his convenience. I did talk to like a gazillion other people in the meantime though. Don't judge me. You have to be creative with your eggs. Can't keep them all in one basket. San Diego is a little ways away. If there is someone within the LA county who wants to do something, I'm down.

One day, I got a call from Rancho. The prodigal son. He asked how I had been. I told him, fine. He asked if the police got me my laptop back. I told him they didn't. He asked if I know of someone who wants to buy a laptop. Like, seriously! How low can this guy go? He is seeing  my loss as his gain. Tryna sell me a hot laptop that he probably stole from his office. I am not trying to be no accessory to no nothing. I told him no, I didn't know anyone who is trying to buy a laptop. He got bitter and said, oh yeah, I forget;  the people you associate with can't afford laptops. I got defensive and said, at least they don't try to sell their own belongings to pay for their mortgage and sht. He got pissed and went on and on about how poor I am, how he, at least is not the one living in an apartment and having to share with strangers. 'I HAVE A HOUSE. AND A CAR! I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE BUS, BLAH BAH BLAH.' He can hit below the belt, he has no shame whatsoever. This is the same person who once said, 'are you having a black moment, right now?' I can hit below the belt to. Don't tempt me. I try not to but when I go there, I GET IN THERE! I asked him why he doesn't return one of the cars, clearly he can't afford it. I told him at least I wasn't living above my means. He told him he wasn't trying to pay his bills with the laptop money, he bought a new desktop, so he was getting read of the old PC. I said, what a coincidence that you are doing all this at the end of the month when it's time to pay your bills. He had told me a month prior that he almost lost his car. He didn't have enough money to pay for cars and house. I don't know why he told me that. That's a turn off. Nobody wants to know about your problems when you start dating. Anyway, we went on and on, back and forth. Then  I said, you shouldn't have killed your wife, now you can't afford to pay for sh*t. Then I put the phone down and blocked his ass.

I should have felt bad, but I tell you, I felt amazing. Whatever! So what? All's fair in love and war. I didn't care if we would never talk again. It was good while it lasted. Until it wasn't. He wasn't calling to take me out on a date or anything anyway. He called to see if he could make a quick buck or two from me. So. One evening, on my way to the Arsenio Hall Show, I was in line, on the phone to my friend in New Jersey. I got a call. I didn't recognise the number. I asked her to hold. I picked up. 'YOU OWE ME AN APOLOGY! THAT WAS VERY MEAN!' I was like, 'who's this?' Needless to say, I knew who it was. When I asked who it was, he was like, who do you think it is, punk. I want an apology!' I went, 'Ranco,  what I said to you yesterday was very mean. I got caught up in the moment. I shouldn't have gone there. I'm sorry.' The *ss hole hung up on me! I just rolled my eyes. The apology was,  what's the thing that comes before half assed?

The following day, While hanging out at my Georgian Friend's apt in Hollywood, I got notifications from my call block app. Rancho had tried to call and he sent me a few texts. In one of his messages, he apologised for the argument we had. He asked if I wanted to go to the movies. He asked why I was hanging up on his calls. I unblocked him and texted him back to stop lying. I had never received any calls from him. He called, I picked up. He was like, 'Golly, are you on the bus again?' He just can't stand my being on the bus. As if I use his body to be on the bus. I was like, you demanded an apology and when you got it, you hung up, you jerk! WTF's up with that? I take my 1 apology back! He apologies, saying he couldn't even hear me. He was at the gym when he called. Yada, Yada, Whatever.

He reiterated if I wanted to go to the movies with him. I told him if he asked me, I might think about it. He asked. In a normal way. I told him, I would go if he was going to pick me up. He said, I was thinking you could meet me halfway, blah. I'm like dude, don't kid here! You know you miss me. Pick me up or go to the movies by yourself. He was like, no you missed me. But I'll do you a favour because I am kind and I will pick you up.

I talked to my Peruvian friend that night. She asked about Rancho. I told her the latest. She was like, 'OMG Brook, aren't you scared to go out with this man after you accused him of killing his wife'? I was like, nah, what could he possibly do to me? She said, "He could kill you too. Brook, you have to give me this guy's number. I will call him tonight and tell him, Hello, I'm Brook's friend. Brook is a very nice person, please don't kill her. Please don't kill my friend!" I still roll on the floor laughing at that one.

Rancho got busy with work until the weekend. Sunday, he finally had a chance to go to the movies as opposed to the previous Wednesday as he had requested. he picked me up that Sunday afternoon. Never made eye contact as usual. I always tease him about that. It kinda bugs me though. I have issues with people who never make eye contact. Reminds me of Elvin. Remember him?  Dude never looked me in the eye, ever! Anyway, we drove to West Covina. Twenty to thirty minutes from Hollywood. They had a nice cinema there. It was packed. We found parking and walked towards the cinema. Dude be walking way ahead of me like he don't know me. I'm jogging behind him trying to catch up. I was like, dude, what the heck! Why are you acting like you don't know me! Slow down! He is such a socially awkward person. Our theatre was packed. We waited outside, eating popcorn and saw the next show. We saw Unstoppable with Liam Neeson. Great movie. Love me some Liam Neeson. Sidenote: I hear he has one of the biggest d*cks in Hollywood? Source: Janice Dickinson. One of my fave people.I''ve watched just about every show she's in just cos she's so entertaining.

We enjoyed the movie, he took me home thereafter. We hung out for a minute or two, then he drove home.