Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Senior Citizenship

After my tumultuous relationship with Charlie, I did some serious regrouping. I was not going to involve myself in such a messy relationshit relationship again. I did a lot of introspection. Some reading. You know sht if you see me reading! I hadn't been a reader for decades! I used to be, growing up. I would lock myself up in a room we never used at home and read anything I could find until I dozed off and wake up and read some more. I guess it was time to go back to my roots.

I still had my profiles on line. I never really removed them because the dude I was dating never stopped chatting up women on line. I wasn't active but he was never worth me going out of my way to remove my profiles. One day, I did that thing that I have done so many times before without any success. I posted an ad looking for a husband. I stated on the ad that I wanted to get married ASAP. I didn't expect anybody to take me up on it. I posted in Vegas, LA and Phoenix. The one in LA was flagged as SPAM and deleted as soon as I posted it. Oops! Nothing came out of the one in Vegas but Phoenix! Well! This man, who was my mom's age, messaged me, telling me he was an attorney, he had his own 3 bedroom condo that he was about done paying for, he drove a convertible Mustang, 2014 (in 2014). He wanted to come marry me in Vegas and take me back with him to Phoenix. I said, 'sure, let's do it!' In my head, I didn't see it happening but I didn't have much to do with my time. I wanted to see how far he was going to take it.

We happened to be on the same dating site, he emailed me on that site as well and showed interest. he was a year older on the site than on the email he sent in response to my ad. Just a year, I don't know why he felt the need not to be inconsistent. It actually made me wonder if he were the age he said he was to begin with. I honestly think he was past 100 years old. Just my opinion. He asked for my number and asked if he could call. He told me he wanted to get married the following weekend. I had to give the dude my number, right? So I did! He called and told me that he was on the way to work, he was driving his convertible with the top down. He couldn't wait to drive me around top down too. I thought to myself this dude is insecure about something, who says these things? He asked what the story of my life was. He wanted a 5 minute summary of it, so I gave it to him. No pun intended. He in turn told me the story of his life. His was about 2 hours long. Unfair much? Girl! I was yawning! What a bore! If you are going to start telling me the story of your life from birth, and you are 100 years old, when are we gonna get to 100? I know we're about to get married but, pls, spare me! I don't care if you used to be an athlete that had scholarships 70 years ago. Are you athletic now? No! Well.... That's like me saying I used to be skinny, up until teenage years. Come on!

He told me that he was going to come visit me the following weekend, hang out, see if we have chemistry. If we did, he was then going to marry me the following weekend. The story had already changed from marrying me the following weekend to a visit. I told him as long as his way of checking if we have chemistry didn't include me sleeping with him cos that wasn't going to happen. he got defensive and said that I was making him out to be a jerk blah blah blah. Defend yourself lawyer!

He always called me when he was driving (top down) to work in the afternoon. Turned out, he worked at Walmart as security. Long story about how he retired as an attorney and just worked to kill time because he was still very agile for his age. I have a feeling he was trying to imply something but I didn't care. I know of some really old attorneys, I didn't get why he resigned. Only to work for minimum wage at Walmart. Give me a break! Once they hear that I'm from Africa, they start acting really funny, as if I'm not fully developed in my brain or not fully human or something! He clearly thought I was thick headed to think I would believe these stories.

Speaking of stories, towards the end of the week, he asked for my full names. I was like, uh, why? He was trying to book me a ticket to Phoenix. Uhm, WHAT? He told me that as we had discussed, he thought he would get going on that ticket thing. Discussed when? Where? Who? How? Whaaaatttt? He was like, remember  I told you I was going to book you a ticket to come visit me so we can see if we have chemistry, then we can continue dating for a while and see where this takes us. I was like, you're so cute!

I asked about his living arrangement. He told me that he had a couple of girls who stay at his place. He was helping them out, they are just friends. I also picked up from his story that they were paying rent. Oh Gosh, even though I was just talking to him to kill time, I couldn't do it anymore, it was just too much of a waste of time.

I got an email from a guy who wanted me to move in with him in Phoenix, he lived in a studio with his cat or dog or both, can't remember but he lived in a very messy, tiny apartment with animals. The whole things was so gross and such a turn off, I didn't want to even continue talking him. Plus, I think he had some sort of mental situation.

Out of nowhere, I got an email from my Vegas people. Dude sent me a picture of him driving with his daughter in the backseat. Automatically, I knew it wasn't going to work. I am not looking to be a step mom. I did talk to him though, if anything, we could just be friends. His birthday was on April 9th, mine is on the 10th, the old man's in on the 7th, just like my mom's. We didn't talk for long before 9th wanted to meet up. I agreed. He asked where I lived, I told him close to SLS hotel and Casino. He said to meet there. Which worked great. I just walked there. He asked me not to dress up because he only had jeans and a t-shirt on. Never in my dating life has someone asked me not to dress up. I put on leggings and a blouse and heels and walked to SLS.

It was a six minute walk, really close to my place. SLS was a new resort that had just opened not to long since. It was nice to get a chance to check it out. We walked around and ended up at a bar. 9th had a beer, or two, or six. Who's counting? Dude had a lot of beers though! Apparently he has had problems with alcohol before but had slowed it down. If that was him on a slow day.....! We talked about all kinds of things. We didn't have any chemistry, plus I wasn't looking for chemistry with him, so it was cool. He dropped me off after our date and texted me that evening that he had a nice time. We texted back and forth for a few days and it all frizzled out.

I got another email from Vegas from another old man. 9th was age appropriate, it just never would've worked out what with the baby situation. Also, it turned out he was recently separated, was crashing on a friend's couch and had three kids, the one in the picture was the youngest. The email was from a man in his 50's. I believe he said he was 55. He looked 75 but who am I to judge? He was retired and lived alone in a house not far from where I lived. He was looking for a woman. We talked on the phone. He had the nicest voice! We arranged to meet up in person. He seemed sweet over the phone. He did ask me a few times if I am strict. I thought that was a weird question for an old man to ask a child. The man was old enough to be my father after all. He would ask if I am controlling. I had a feeling he was looking for someone to control him. I mean, if you're 75, why not try to find someone who is, mh, 98-100 to control you? Why would you want to be controlled by a child?

We talked over the phone for a few days before we met. He uhm, was low on cash, so we had to wait until he got paid to take me out. Red Flag! I was like, sure! He told me how much he had left in the bank for the rest of the month. I really didn't need to know that. He mentioned how he was looking for someone who was going to be an equal in the relationship. I thought, that's definitely not going to work. I am not trying to be an equal with an old man who is already retired by 55. Why did you retire if your ass is still broke? That's crazy! You can't be lazy and expect to be supported and controlled by strict children you met on the internet! The fck!

He told me he likes to bowl, he was semi-professional. He proposed to meet up at a bowling alley in a casino not to far from where he lived. the place was so far from my place! I agreed though because I'm a great sport like that! no pun intended, Bowling - sport - get it? By the way I can't stand people who do that, who make a joke and then explain it and ask if I got it. Yes, I got it, what? You think I'm slow?

The man didn't have a cellphone (Red Flag), we talked that morning, he was going to go somewhere before he headed to the meeting spot. There was no way of contacting him afterwards. I just had to show up at the bowling alley to meet him. I missed my bus and the next one was going to show up an hour later. I hoped he was smart enough to take my number with him and ask to use someone's phone to call me. I waited for the bus and hoped for the call. I also thought that maybe he was going to play or whatever for another hour.

Initially, he had told me that he was going to go for breakfast, then meet me. Bowl with me, then if we got along, take me to lunch. I was like, you gonna make me work up an appetite and then not feed me if we don't get along. Why don't we either go for breakfast together or lunch together? Who doesn't feed a girl on a date? I asked him if he was trying to save money and if the Bowling session was complimentary too. To my surprise, he told me that the session was complimentary. He played so often that he accumulated a bunch of free sessions. Great, I had to travel an entire hour to a free date that nobody was paying for! We agreed that we were going to do lunch, regardless.

So, I called his house and left a message about my missing the bus, in case he had a way of checking his messages from wherever he was. I doubted it but I had to take a chance, also, in case we missed each other, he could find solace in the fact that I did try. Even though, he's not my type or anything, I am not in the business of hurting people's feelings. As I was heading out, now wanting to miss yet another bus, I locked myself out. I literally realised that I had locked the lock that doesn't have a key as soon as I pulled the door shut. There was no time to try and figure that out. I just had to leave, I only hoped that there would be someone around to help get me back into my place after my date.

I took the first bus to the casino, no phone call on that ride! ' Got off that and took another one, as I'm on the bus, I am looking around to see if there's anybody who resembles him but then again, I only had one picture of him. People don't always like their pictures. I arrived at the casino an our after I was supposed to. I didn't know how I felt about whether he was going to be there. You know how you can have a feeling that he's gonna be there waiting? I didn't have any feeling at all! I walked up the stairs, my gosh! I have never seen so many senior citizens in the same spot in my life.... and I've worked in nursing homes!

Trying to find one senior citizens in a sea of senior citizens in a dimly lit bowling alley proved to be no fun at all! The old women were looking at me cockeyed, probably thinking I was going to steal their old husbands in wheelchairs/walkers, with oxygen tanks. It was crazy!  I took pictures of the place so I could show my date that I really did go there and walked out. I waited for the next bus. It showed up in 30 minutes. I went back home. My main concern then was how I was going to get back into my air conditioned apt in that heat. I got lucky, landlord was home! She gave me a tool she always gave the previous tenants when they locked themselves out and I quickly opened the lock. I love how that's a thing. That people normally lock themselves out and yet nothing was done to fix the problem. I loved it enough that as soon as I got in, I took out the lock, put the engine in a safe place and put the door handle pack. Problem freaking solved! I had locked myself out twice, I wasn't going to wait for third time is a charm to do something about it.


  1. Hahahahaha. I must applaud your zeal. You see things through. Even though you know that you will not like this guy you still went. Lol.

    1. Why, thank you!
      I did promise him I'd go, so...