Thursday, January 30, 2014

Did This Guy Just Try to Kiss Me?


I continued to feel like an outsider at our place. I tried looking for something else online. I bumped into Man’s ‘girl’ a few times on the boulevard. Once, she said, ‘sh*t!’ when she turned around and I was right there haha. I said hi, she said sh*t! Oh well.

I posted my own ad online after responding to numerous ads looking for a place and having people flake out on me. One morning, I took the bus to see a Game show taping, Mind of a Man, hosted by the cute actor and comedienne, DeRay Davis; I got a response from a guy who we’ll call Speed. I had posted that I was looking for a private room to rent. He had a huge room for me with a couch. I was excited, it was what I was looking for and because I didn’t have furniture, I could just use his couch. I emailed back asking for pictures. He told me that he wasn’t able to attach them and asked for my phone number. I wasn’t that psyched about sending a random man from Craig’s list my number. He assured me (not that that carried any weight with me) that he was a responsible, decent man who wouldn’t abuse my number. I sent it to him because I was desperate for a way out not because I trusted that he wasn’t going to abuse my number. He sent me a slide of pictures of the apartment and one of himself with the creepiest smile I’ve ever seen. I showed that to my new friend. A girl I was sitting next to on the bus. She was going to the same show I was and had been there before. She also happened to have a nice wig and told me where I could get them for a nice price. From then on, we became bosom buddies. When she saw Speed’s picture, she was like, oh heck no! Ignore! Do not move in with this man, he looks creepy as hell! I was like, I bet you this guy is a vegetarian. With all due respect to vegetarians, I’m somewhat of a vegetarian myself, one who loves meat but hardly ever eats it, I’m just saying though; dude looked like a yogi and a vegetarian. That’s not what’s creepy looking about him. It’s his smile that is! He has a smile of a 3 year old girl. Like Fck the what?!?!?!?

I responded on account of don’t judge the book by its cover. I didn’t sent him my picture in return though. We arranged for me to go view the following morning. He works as a tour guide. I rushed over to his the following morning. He met me at the gate. He looked much much older in person, maybe 86? He took me upstairs to the apartment, I went in there and saw one giant room, much bigger than where I was living. I asked to see the bedroom, he was like ‘this is it! I told you it was one big room that we would share’ #BubbleBurst. It was a huge room with a bed, a huge, leather couch, bathroom, two closets, kitchen and dining space. It was quite spacious. I told him I would have to think about it. We sat on the couch and talked for a short while then I had to leave for my date with Lewis. Speed had lived in Utah too so we had something in common. I thanked him for his time and as I was about to leave, he gave me a hug. I didn’t think we were that well acquainted for us to hug but ok, some people are huggers, I guess.

He walked me to the gate, then gave me another hug, talked some more then gave me yet another hug and went for a kiss in the mouth, I ducked, and he got me in the cheek. Bye! I could swear he said by honey, but I could be wrong. I hope I’m wrong! I walked away puzzled, talking to myself, ‘did this man just try to kiss me?’ DID THIS MAN JUST TRY TO KISS ME? I couldn’t believe it. Again, I hope I was wrong cos that came out of the blue. We weren’t even talking about romantic stuff or anything. At least as far as I’m concerned. #OnlyInHollywood

I took the bus back to mine, Lewis texted and told me that he was outside already, CRAP! I had a small window to freshen up and get ready. As I was walking towards my place, I looked at the cars parked on the side of the road and wondered which one Lewis was in. There were all kinds of cars in front of the apartment, I never realised the variety of cars out there until that day haha. There was nobody in any of the cars I looked at though. I saw a man with a hat standing in front of the house next to our complex, I wondered if it was Lewis. As I drew closer, I was like, whew, thank goodness, it’s not him! The man had a cap with three sides, wait, no, four! It was kinda like a cap/floppy hat, dark green, kinda like a farmer’s hat, he had a fanny pack on (moon bag) and safety boots. I promise I don’t go around judging random people’s outfits, I’m just giving you a picture of the guy I was grateful wasn’t my date that morning. As I was about to enter the gate at our complex, the man turned around and said hi IT WAS MY DATE, LEWIS! Christ! I was like, hey! How are you? I couldn’t believe my eyes. He is definitely short, probably my height, shower than he said he was. Trust a man to lie about his height. Men always have to add inches, be it height or length. I rest my case.

I quickly went in, freshened up and went back to him. He took me to his uhm car? Huge 1970’s truck, you know those old steel trucks from way back when? I thought he was kidding me when he took me to that particular truck of all the cars that were parked out there. He opened the door for me and asked me to open for him from inside because the thing doesn’t work on his side. Of course it doesn’t! SMDH. Really Jen? You hooked me up with THIS guy?

He asked if I was hungry, I told  him yeah, he took me to his favourite restaurant in Burbank or Studio City, can’t remember. Earth something. All organic and healthy stuff. The food was delish. He told me to order whatever I wanted. Which was nice but was it necessary? I don’t know. Before the restaurant, he went to the bank, withdrew a ton of money and held it in a clear plastic bag, then he sorted it out and put it in his fanny pack. He reminded me of the minibus (taxi) drivers from South Africa. The subject of me being too old and too fat for me to be acting came up again. Dude talks loud! I wasn’t gonna tell him to tone it down. That’s rude. I let him be. After about an hour of screaming, he said, ‘I think I was talking too loud, that lady just signalled for me to tone it down’. LMFAO, Thank you, lady!

During the date, I got a text from Speed. It went something along the lines of, ‘Hey brooke (I can’t stand it when people spell names with small caps.) as far as I’m concerned, you are it! Call me after your date. I would like to play you some music, maybe we can talk some more about your travels.’ Speed is in a band. He’s a bass player. I waited until after the date to get back to him.
He paid for the meal and asked the waiter not to keep the change, he would tip her afterwads. She brought the change, he took all the money, put it in his fanny pack and we left. No Tip! #awkward.  He took me home and promised to call when he got home. Just before he drove off, he asked me for some casting agency contact numbers, HE wants to pursue acting! Are you kidding me? If I’m too old and fat,and he’s ten years older than me, how is he the right age to get into acting?