Sunday, December 13, 2015

Me And My Boyfriend

As soon as I told Clef I had bad news, he got up and sat up. My heart was beating fast but by then, it was do or die! He asked me what the news was. I told him that I was going to need him not to renew his stay but to leave the following day. I mentioned my non-existent  boyfriend; that he didn't like that I had a man in the house. Poor Clef was so taken off guard by it all, I really felt bad for him but all he had to do was clean up after himself and we would have been good. Well, not really! He would have to not reprimand me as if I'm his daughter who doesn't know what she was doing, not steal my jokes and stop looking at me as if I were good enough to eat- in more ways than one. Speaking of which, he asked me one morning if I know how to cook. I told him I don't. He was like, that's ok! I think he wanted me to know that not knowing how to cook wasn't a deal breaker for him. I know how to cook but I wasn't about to prove that to him. What for?


Poor guy asked me if I told my boyfriend that he's cool. First, he was like, 'Boyfriend?' I was like, what? Did you think I was lesbian? Not that there's anything wrong with being lesbian, but he seemed shocked that I would have a boyfriend. He was right, I didn't have one. I was lying through my teeth! To my question about whether he thought I was lesbian, he replied that I didn't give him the impression I was in a relationship. "We went on a date!" he said. NO! WE DIDN'T! I exclaimed! YES, WE DID! NO! WE DID NOTTT! In the world was this guy talking about? He was like, it wasn't a romantic date, but it was a date! I was like well, to me, a date is romantic. We went to the comedy club because you wanted someone to go with (translate:because you needed a free ride!) That's how I ended up going to the comedy club with you. What the heck! When he said that, I knew there and then that I wasn't wrong all along when I thought that that guy wanted more than a place to crash. I think he was planning on working his way up to my bed. He wanted to be the California King of the house! Pun intended.


When that date thing didn't work out, he was like, tell your boyfriend I'm gay. I was like, but you're not! He told me that he was going to tell my boyfriend that he is gay as well when the boyfriend meets him. I was like, nah, I'm not ok with that. Plus, whether you're gay or straight, my boyfriend is very jealous, he is just not ok with the idea that I have a man living under my roof. Clef asked me why I had him move in if I knew that I have a jealous boyfriend. I told him because I needed help financially but I didn't discuss it with my boyfriend, when bf found out I had someone staying at the place, he told me that he would rather help me with rent if I need the help. I, on the other hand, am not ok with that idea. I like to be independent. Clef was like, what race is your boyfriend. I told him, come on! That's not necessary!  He told me the bf must be black, it's totally a black guy to be so jealous.


He told me that he didn't believe the random story about a bf. I was dying to ask him why he though I was kicking him out but I didn't want to make it awkward at all, at least, not anymore than it already was. I also, knew that he was being inconvenienced by having to find another place to stay. I didn't want to make him any shittier than he already was. He told me that he never saw me as the kind who lets a man make my decisions for me. I told him that I love and respect my man and don't want to ruin things between us. Clef, finally gave in and told me that he was going to start looking there and then. He thanked me for that because that experience was going to make him stronger. Sarcasm. Get it? I didn't care. I just wanted him gone.


I made a chocolate and pear smoothie for both of us and as I handed him his, I asked, 'truce?' He told me, 'water under the bridge', or something to that effect.


Not too long thereafter, I went to the bedroom, he got on the phone and was talking loud on the phone. I think it was too his brother because he was using that French like language again. Not too long after he got on the phone, he yelled to me, hey! Brook! Hello!
Me: Yes! (eye roll. I am not a big fan of all that yelling across the house. It's tacky! Plus who calls a lady like that?'
He started shooting at me with questions. I think because his brother didn't want him to move back to his house, he was trying to help him stay at mine. It was too late because we had already agreed he was going, I wasn't going to backtrack and then have to have that conversation all over again. It had already taken so much of me to get there.


He asked me things like, but I didn't say that I didn't want only a woman on my ad, I should let him stay. I was like, come on! We've already talked about this! He went on and on, trying to challenge the system. I told him that what he was doing, wasn't helping. He was spending all that time, coming up with ways to challenge a decision that's already been made, instead of looking for a place to stay. That's when he got up and came to my bedroom. He was shirtless. I must say, someone's been working out! He looked good! He told me that he needed time. I couldn't just tell him to move out there and then. I should give him at least two weeks. I was like, you paid for three days, have been here for two nights, you have all day today and all day tomorrow, you can stay here tomorrow all day, until late while looking. I didn't expect him to stay all day the following day. He has his brother, he can move back in with him until he found something.


I wasn't gonna give someone who was officially staying for 3 days, two weeks notice to move out. That's insane, I don't care which universe you came from. Plus, the topic was closed when he agreed and thanked me, sarcastically, for kicking him out. After I told him, he should rather use the time arguing, searching for a place to stay, he was like, you're right! And got out of my room.


It was tense in the house after that. My sister had advised me not to leave the house until the guy moved out. Especially after he told me he was going to show me what happens when people don't close their doors.


Luckily, Clef spent the rest of the afternoon out. He got back home around midnight, just like the night before and was up all night, talking on the phone really loud! I didn't care. I was counting the hours 'til he left. I had am obligation the morning he was meant to leave. I couldn't get out of it, so I just left  him there. As I was about to leave, he asked me how I was in a nice, and  calm voice. I told him I was fine. He asked what time I was going to be back. I told him soon, I had to go to the store. He then told me that he was going to leave around 9/10am. If I wasn't there when  he leaves, he was going to leave the key at such and such a place etc. It was nice to see that we were ok again. Who enjoys tension and awkward moment?


When I got back home, his bag was in the living room, but he had stepped out. He came back not too long after and screamed, 'hey, the key is on the table'.


I replied: Thanks, bye!