Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Personal Assistant

After dinner, My new Airbnb Guest, Jen, washed her dish, which I thought was nice.

I finally went to bed, I never eat that late. Heck, I'm never up that late! The following morning, I didn't have any work lined up. I waited until I thought Jen was up and went to use the kitchen. I didn't offer her anything other than a banana. I didn't want her to pass out but at the same time. I am not going to feed you. You don't pay me enough!

As soon as I walked into the living room, to get to the kitchen, Jen started talking. She went on and on and on about her problems, how depressing her life is, how nobody understands her yada yada yada ya-! I just wanted to make myself a cup of green tea and cereal. That's all! I sat at the dinning table and had my cereal while she was watching something on Netflix... well, not really. She was just talking and playing with her hair, pulling out knots and putting them on the coffee table. Yuck! not to self, clean this up thoroughly when she leaves!

Jen mentioned that she needed to finally face her fears and go to the post office. They have mail of hers that she didn't have the courage to pick up for months. She asked what my plans were for the day. I didn't have any. She asked if I would mind to open up her mail for her and read it first, you know, like screen it for her. I told her I didn't mind. I didn't have plans for the day, I had never done such a thing in my life and don't foresee someone else ever making such a request to me in the future, so, I was down! Check that off my list!

After breakfast, I asked Jen if she wanted to shower first while I tidied up my bedroom. She told me that she's on school break, she didn't have to shower on schedule, she would shower on our return. Okay! I took a shower and got ready. She complimented me on my body spray. Some fun adidas spray, my ex, Charlie from Vegas, bought for me. Jen also asked me to help her with feminine hygiene stuff. She told me that she thought there was a reason she and I were paired up. She loved how clean my house was and how I seemed like a lady. She asked me to help her out be that way in the week she was going to live with me. I told her that I would do what I could. She mentioned something about black people being neater than white folks. Jen had always used race to differentiate between people. Like, she won't say, my boyfriend from Vegas (of course not, she was into girls!), she would say, my white boyfriend from Vegas. That made me feel weird.

She told me that her ex girlfriend. The one who broke her heart. The first time they took a shower together, Jen was done in a couple of minutes. The black ex-girlfriend, who had hardly begun, asked Jen how she could be done already and told her to start over. Jen told the black ex what she meant by that. The black ex (lol by the way, she doesn't have any other ex), told her to shower the way her mama taught her. Jen told the ex that her mom never taught anything, she was raised by her 12/13 year old sister. I didn't even want to ask about that. It seemed to me that was another can of worms. I didn't want to spend another day unproductive at home, listening to my new guest's sad stories. She told me that story to tell me that, she deduced from that that black folks are cleaner than white. Of course, I don't agree with that! Nor do I disagree! I know white people who shower three times a day, and black people who do the same. Who cares? Does she work for the Stats department of America? Give me a break!

She asked me to spray some of my spray on her because she didn't own one and hadn't done laundry in a while. I asked her if she wanted to go to the store on our way to Santa Monica. I knew of a dirt cheap store five minutes from my place. She could get an outfit for less than $10 to wear until she did her laundry that afternoon. She thought that was a good idea and thanked me for it.

On our way to Santa M, we passed the street mall with the cheap store. I reminded her about the outfit, she shot right past it telling me that she would buy clothes on our way back home. Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?

We left for the post office in Santa Monica. About 20 minutes drive from my place. First, we walked towards the car, I can't guess which one hers is in the street, because, you never know. Let me tell you! Jen drives one of my favorite cars! A Jeep Wrangler! Convertible, she had the oft top up. I was so excited to find out we were about to roll in THAT! I told her how much I love that car. She drove to Santa Monica, we picked up her mail from some tiny spot that could be anything. Apparently, they do postal services and other businesses.

From there, we stopped by a salon where she had her eyebrows threaded. She asked if I wanted to get mine done too! Nah, thanks, I'm not trying to spend money on threading eyebrows while I smell like a skunk. I'd rather take free showers and tweeze my own eyebrows. That didn't take long, then we went to Von's. Jen needed to do grocery shopping. That was a fun experience. It was around lunch time. I was hungry. I bought their delicious fried chicken and munched on that while Jen was still shopping. I could see she wanted me to thank her from the bottom of her heart for taking me to the store. She kept mentioning how wasn't it a good thing she took me there? I was like, I mean, it's up to you how you wanna look at it. You needed someone to come with you to run your errands, I was free, so I did you that favor. Like, btch, are you really implying you're doing ME a favor right now? Do I look like I desperately needed to be in an enclosed space with your smelly ass? Come on now! (All thoughts in my head)

We then headed home. Our way home, passed the store again, for fun, I brought it up. I already knew by then that that lady wasn't trying to buy a new outfit or shower, or do anything anybody told her. She told me, "I'm starving! I'm just trying to get home to eat right now!" She told me that she would go to the store after lunch. I rolled my eyes in my head.

Jen's Vegetarian. She bought a lot of vegetables. Really healthy stuff, colorful groceries. She's very clean when she prepares food too. Believe it or not. She washes everything and rinses her plates before and after she eats. I'll post a picture of Jen's typical meal when the computer decides to work with me. I just tried. The whole thing froze. Nice and colorful plate with all kinds of vegetables.

While sitting at the table, eating lunch, Jen was going on and on about her black ex girlfriend, as usual. Jen used to refer to herself as a Chicana. I had never heard of that term until then. Chicana or Xicana, I believe is an American Mexican. She's half Latina (Mexican), half White.

I would have spent the rest of my day listening to Jen's story until I passed out or went blue in the face. I thought of an exit strategy. I let her talk, as I was commenting to something she was saying, I walked away and kept talking louder, went to the bathroom, then straight to the bedroom, where I closed the door behind me. Good Lord!

That evening, while cooking dinner, I sat on the massage chair and got me one. Of course, Jen used that opportunity to tell me  her story about the girl who broke her heart. I feel like she was making me pay for what my black sister did to her!

I offered Jen a massage on the chair. I thought that would relax her a little bit. I doubt it work but I didn't stick around to watch. I went to my bedroom and didn't come out until the following day.

By the way, we did go through the mail. I didn't see anything earth shattering. One of the letters was a subpoena to court. I warned her about it but she was curious, so she made me read it. It seems to me Jen just wanted a personal assistant to read her mail to her.

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