Tuesday, December 15, 2015

What Did I Get Myself Into?

The lady who had booked my space on AirBnB seemed decent enough. She was a ski instructor, and a full time student. I don't care what she does for a living, as long as she has business outside the house. I didn't want to be stuck in the apartment with someone I don't know. I didn't want that for them either, for that matter.

She asked me a few questions about the apartment and confirmed the booking. I was excited that my airbnb cherry was about to be popped. Luckily, I was going to be home the day of her arrival. The house was clean, as usual, the spare linen as smelling fresh, good to go! She called me when she was outside to tell me she was here. I went outside to get her. Had she not have been the only person standing out front, I never would have guessed that was the same person as on the pictures on airbnb. The thing about airbnb, if you're not familiar with them, is that, you don't get the luxury of meeting your future guest. It's like a blind date. Only, you date is moving in, and you can't kick them out for false advertising because they have already paid. 

I walked towards this lady who had tight fitting sweat bands with giant holes on the insides and black cycling shorts underneath, or spanx. My concern was who wears clothing with holes in America, where there's so much free stuff everywhere? That was quite the first impression! 'Hi, I'm Brook!' She looked at me like I was from another planet. I know I look like my pictures, she better not even go there! As she reached out her hand to shake it, I caught a whiff of the worst odor I have ever smelt. I was like, oh heeeelll no! Not in my clean, nice smelling house! I consoled myself by thinking that she will cove the couch up with sheets. 

I walked in before her, as I always do, so that they can see me take off my shoes. I asked her to take off hers. She asked if she could wear flip-flops. I asked if she wears them outside or were they inside shoes. She told me they were regular flip fops, that she wore outside. I wanted to roll my eyes because that defeated the whole purpose. Usually people respect your wishes if you want them to walk barefoot indoors. It's a very clean floor. I, naturally would want to walk barefoot, just because it's cleaner than most shoes' insides. But that's just me. Anyway. She took off her sneakers and walked around in her socks. She just didn't want to do as she was told, it seems to me. Which is fine, I wasn't looking for someone to throw orders at.  

I offered her, let's call her Jen, something to drink, we sat in the living room and chatted. Just to get to know each other a little. She actually seemed cool, once we got talking. She has very long, curly hair, she played with her curls  the entire time we were talking. I would too, if I hair, her hair is beautiful.

Between The really nice Math teacher and Jen, I went shopping for a massage chair.. I had been looking for one since I moved into my place. I think it was the pressure on my body from sleeping on the floor . I wanted an amazing massage chair, a beautiful one, that did the whole body and feet, if possible. I wasn't willing to spend a ton of money on one though. I talked to friends who new people who knew pleope in the business, to no avail. It's always better, for me, if you get your stuff, with no connections anyways, that way, you don't owe people favors. That's just my way of thinking! 

I searched eBay and saw a cool Panasonic massage chair, it was leather and in good condition. It offered shiatsu/deep tissue massage, which is just what I needed. I am all for strong, deep tissue massage. I can give very hard massage too, only, I can't do it to my own back.

One morning, while looking, I think I emailed a friend a snap shot of the kind of massage chair I wanted and while he was figuring out how much it would cost me; He had told me that if I wanted a $6 000 chair, he could get me one for $600. To me, that meant, ok, that means I would pay ten percent of the original cost. I told him I saw one for $700, how much would that be? He told me, $350. My Math head didn't grasp that. What do you think? Anyway. I decided to make the picture I had sent him my screensaver, you know, vision board-like! I went on with my business. A few hours later, I wanted to be done with looking for a massage chair, I had so many things I needed to achieve, I went back online. Lo and behold, less than ten minutes from my house, there was someone selling a great leather massage chair. I called them, they picked up, I told them I was on my way. I got there super psyched, I negotiated - I wouldn't be me if I didn't! I got my discount, paid, they helped me load the chair and I was out! 

The massage chair. It also reclines
Back at my place, the chair was so heavy, I couldn't off load it by myself. I went to my Emmy award winning neighbor lol and asked him to help me off load it. He told me that he has a friend who had a stronger back than him who could help me with that the following day. Ugh! Eventually, the neighbor came to the car and helped me. The chair has wheels, but there were a lot of different levels on the ground that we couldn't roll it. I told the guy to come over for a massage some time. He told me he would keep that offer in mind. I got my massage chair! I cleaned it up and went to town! Best massage in forever! 

Back to Jen, she told me that she was so relieved that that was the last day of school. I thought to myself, heeellll no! You told me you go to school. To me, that means, you literally will be going to school while staying here. Turns out, not really! She also told me what seemed to be the story of her life; something about how because she was so focusing on school, she no longer had friends. Her friends tried to keep in touch, but she told them that she was sorry she couldn't be the friend they wanted her to be, she was going to school and wasn't going to be able to give any more of herself than she already had the duration of their friendship. I was sitting there thinking, what in the hell! I was like, were you that busy with school that you couldn't shoot a text to a friend every now and again?

She told me that the friendships were one sided anyways, those so called friends couldn't be there for her when she needed them the most when she was going through the worst time of her life. Oh Lord! Not another one! I don't have the time or energy for this! She went on and on about a girl who broke her heart, her first love blah blah blah. I listened because, it seemed like she needed to talk about that. In fact, it seemed like she needed a hug. From the smell to the tears in her clothes, it looked like she had neglected herself and her laundry for a while. 

Luckily, she told me that she needed to do laundry that very night. She wanted to wash her bedding. She preferred her own sheets, for whatever reason. That was ok with me, especially considering she was going to wash them. I was hoping she was going to wash the rest of her laundry and subsequently take a shower to reduce the stench. We ended up sitting on those couches until 11:00 pm! She arrived around 5pm!

I would ask her to pause her stories while I went to the bathroom. The first time, I got up, I was going to get something to drink from the kitchen. She stopped talking. I told her to continue. She was like,oh, sorry, I thought you were going to the bedroom. I was like, in the middle of your story? She told me that that happens a lot to her, people walk out on her a lot. Great!  I had my work cut out for me! I wasn't trying to get into some therapy session at all. I sat down with her to get a glimpse of who she is, that's it. I ended up sitting on that couch until my legs fell asleep. (got numb)

That night, I got up to heat up dinner, for myself. I don't share food with my guest, too much sharing causes complications. She didn't have any food with her, so I assumed she was going to be eating my food. She was already a very big problem. From the nice lady I had before, that was such an, omg what did I get myself into? She asked me where the nearest store was. My location is close to a lot of grocery stores, I told her which ones were close. She told me it was too late to cook, she wanted to go to Mc Donald's. I hadn't been to one since I moved in, as I was looking one up, I was just like, would you like some of my food, instead, just for tonight? She seemed grateful for the offer.

I had made some vegetable and bean soup. I set the table, she finished before me and paid me huge compliments. I told her she could dish up seconds if she wanted. I didn't think she was actually going to take me up on that. You know when you're new some place? You don't want to be that person, who is full on? Well,I think she was thinking to herself, 'I thought you'd never ask!'  she charged for that stove and dished up more food than the actual serving I dished up for her as seconds. Wow, this chick


Unknown said...

Yoooo. How does someone with beautiful hair have a smell? Lol you had a hungry tenant there it looks like

Unknown said...

Yoooo. How does someone with beautiful hair have a smell? Lol you had a hungry tenant there it looks like

Brook said...

Her hair must have reeked for sure