Sunday, December 4, 2016

Don't Give Me Problems, Give Me Solutions!

It's April 9th; day before my birthday. I'm at Calv's for the weekend. We had planned to go to Catalina Island. To go there, from LA, you take the ferry from Long Beach. If it's your birthday, free ride on the ferry, to and fro. Regardless of when you will be back. We were going to stay overnight and camp out there. I was looking forward to it. I had never been and had always wanted to go. Saturday morning, I was doing laundry and tidying up the house, the usual things you do on a Saturday morning. I couldn't tell you what started it but Calvin went nuts on me! Lent crazy!
As you know, a lot had been going on. Lent was no longer an excuse because that was over and done with. Calvin even celebrated with his people over After Tears. Here I am trying to get used to living with you, please don't make things awkward! I couldn't quite grasp what the main thing he was mad about was, so that we could nip it in the bud. He was going on and on about this, then that, then the other! I tried to bite my tongue. This is the new me, by the way. Back in the day, I wouldn't even let you finish your thought, I was so defensive! Now, I bite my tongue and let you finish your thought and then some. Some people don't like that. They want you to get mad too, that way, they can feed off of that and then it become a vicious cycle. No time for that! It got to a point where, I thought my being here was a major inconvenience for Calvin, so I told him to give me a date when he wanted me out, so that I can make sure that by then, I would have found an apartment. He then went on about how now I wanna break up with him, blah blah blah! I guess that wasn't the problem. I'm trying to help you solve your problems! What's the matter, beau? Then I gathered the problem was my stuff. It was too much. There was nothing in the way, I can't stand stuff in the way! I again asked for a date when he wanted me to have gotten rid of some of my stuff. He didn't like that solution either. He just was whining about everything. Don't give me problems, give me solutions! What is this about? Are we hormonal? What? First of all, aren't you supposed to be a man? Why are you whining so much? That's not a good look... especially for a guy. No offence to all the guy whiners out there!

I was getting exhausted from all the negative energy roaming about the house, I wanted to go somewhere. We had plans to go somewhere. Now we're sitting here doing. . .. what? I couldn't tell you! I was being blamed for all kinds of things. But wasn't allowed to offer solutions. It was a very weird place to be. I wasn't feeling the love from my boyfriend in that moment. If that was some kind of a love language, it must be more in tongues because, I wasn't getting it. I'm not saying don't tell me when something bothers you, but why are you telling me if you don't want us to solve it? I started thinking about all the fantasies I had about moving in with my boyfriend who talked about marriage and a future together. Now that I've moved in, he is being a total tool. Is this a prelude to what our future is going to be together? Is he the guy he was to that stranger in the street? Who the bleep did I just move in with? The worst for me was feeling like I was so wrong about someone. I started tearing up. I don't like to cry because I am generally happy, bouncing off the walls, when I do cry, it's hard for me to stop. I think I end up crying about all the things I haven't cried about. Who knows? I don't! I hated that my boyfriend, who I just moved in with, was making me cry! That made me cry even more! Then Calvin started crying! He was telling me not to cry. He didn't want to see me sad. No kidding! What was all that sh*t about then if you didn't want me to be sad? What negative emotion were you hoping to get out of me with all that sh*t you were pulling? I didn't even want to discuss anymore. I was over everything.

I told him, 'look at us! We're both crying! This is ridiculous! I don't have time for this! We should value our time on this earth and do fun stuff together! We're supposed to make each other happy not sad!' He told me that we were crying because we love each other. I told him that's not my idea of love. If that's how he intends to continue to show me love, he'd better hold it right there. That didn't feel anything like love to me! Not my love language! He started calming down after he saw me cry, as if he got some kind of satisfaction from that. Maybe he was just happy to see me react than the straight face I had had all morning when he was going on about nothing. I don't know! He then told me to go online and let's plan our trip to Catalina. Uh, I'm not going anywhere with you! That's another thing about me, I might have a mild case of delayed reaction. Or grudge? Just when you think, OK, Let's all be merry, I be like, b*tch no! I ain't doin' dat!

Calvin was suddenly in a great mood, excited to be going away with me the following day. Uhm, are we just going to act like what just happened didn't just happen? Is what what we do over here? When I as much as tried to talk about the mess that he just started, he would talk to me as if I was picking a fight. I was so lost!

I know that moving is one of the top 5 stressful situations in life, but I thought that was for the person moving! Why am I sucking it up and you're not doing your part to make me feel not as top 5 stressed right now?

Calvin apologized. I told him I forgave him but would be looking for a place to stay and I would move out as soon as possible. I didn't care that I had just moved in, so what? Have you read my blogs from my time in Georgia, Eastern Europe? He freaked out and begged me to stay, he couldn't live without me. Blah blah blah! You should have thought about that before you made me cry! When you were in a zone going on and on about nothing, you should have thought about the repercussions of that. Shouldn't you? Now, the milk's already spilt. We can't unspill it!

He told me he would do whatever it took to show me how apologetic he was. I told him to go to therapy. Anger management, something, anything! He agreed. We shook on it. I had to let bygones be bygones, because we had reached a conclusion. I sucked it up, got ready and we went to the mall. We had what supposed to be one of the better pizzas around. Not much to blog about! Then we went to a Japanese restaurant. I ordered salmon and rice and took it home for dinner. The food looked delicious and was affordable. I also had green tea ice cream. That was good.

Calvin wanted to buy me an outfit. I told him to take me to my favorite store in a different mall where I could get more for his dollar. We came home, hung out a bit, then went to the other mall. There, he paid for whatever I took, so I got three dresses, a tub of five nail polishes. You know me, I love my nail polish! I got a few other things. Then back home to my salmon which turned out to be delish, by the way!

The day ended on a high note. He took me shopping. What can I say? Next day, Catalina!