Friday, November 23, 2018

Is This What BIPOLAR Looks Like?

This blog post will explain a lot of why I have been dreading blogging lately. It is also the beginning of an off ramp that my relationship with Calvin went on. Read on and share your thoughts in the comments section.
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Hey, yall! It's ya girl, Brook! I've been hectically busy! This post will probably been typed in more than one sitting as I have to rush out to Orange County within the hour. My Liquid diet post got a lot of attention. I hope that you got what you needed out of it. I must tell you though, that I didn't lose all the weight I have from consuming fluids only. Some people are under that impression on Facebook. That is completely false!

I hope you had a nice rest of Summer / Winter, depending on which hemisphere you hail from.

I will try to give you a Reader's digest version of what happened in my life the rest of 2017 as we're approaching the end of 2018 now and there's so much to tell you about in this year alone.
I think it will be best to do a quick, photo blog to sum up some of the Happenings to date.

WARNING: There will be lots of boob shots in this blog. Here we go!

First of all, I hope everyone had a nice happy Thanksgiving yesterday, and is getting great Black Friday deals!
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June 2017

Weight loss Extra Skin
I am here to tell you that weight loss is fun and exciting but it is not without downsides. I am finding out things that aren't so flab, I mean, fab as we go along. One of those is extra skin. I wanna say it's inevitable but apparently some people, without exercise, don't even have extra skin after losing copious amounts of weight. You know that I don't not exercise (uh oh! Double negatives!) and yet here we are! I am very lucky in that, the parts that are showing in even the skimpiest of clothes don't have sagging skin, so I can still wear whatever I want and get away with it. Also, you learn to be creative. If you've been obese all you life, as I have; you definitely are well versed in the creative department of covering your parts up.
Above, is a photo of how my boobs look in public, including photos (right) and how they actually look, if I were to just stuff them in a bra without making them look pretty. I have been blessed with big jugs, so now that a great deal of the fat has left the building, the skin is still there, so you end up with long, empty boobies. Mine aren't that empty yet. I've seen them smaller, when I lost weight forever ago. 

Another thing!  When I retain water before my monthly periods, the breasts get completely full. I think there's more room now for all those fluids to be retained, which makes the breasts that much heavier and sore. Not fun at all! My wish is to have a breast reduction, where they remove all the extra skin. More water retention means more weight on the scale should one wish to weigh during PMS. As you know, I weigh daily.

Post work out pic
Sweating like a race horse, post LA Fitness work out session. 

During at home workout
I would sometimes work out at home if I decide not to go to the gym for whatever reason. Above was taken after a walk, before at home yoga.
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Burmese Cuisine
One of my favorite PMS cuisines. It's very rich, lots of grease, if you can tell in the black bowls above. I've never personally been to the restaurant, hubs would order take out and bring for us.
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South African Passport
After waiting for roughly, forever for my new passport, I finally got it. I was lucky enough to finally get hold of the South African Embassy (they are impossible to reach), just before they shipped my new passport back to South Africa. Apparently, they had been holding on to it for too long. I'm over here calling them, leaving them voice messages, sending them emails to no avail, and they're trying to ship my passport back? With all due respect, but, These hoes ain't loyal. Thank goodness I have ten years to not have to worry about that. Hopefully, by then, I will have an American passport
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Getting Layed
Brother in Law made me a lay from their tree. I've mentioned to you before how much I love the smell of these flowers. Aloha! Remember, Calvin gave me a lay on our first meeting / date?
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It had been months since I let Calvin go to the desert without me. I found myself needing time alone more and more, so, I would use the times he would go to the desert as such. Did he love leaving me behind? No. I didn't like wanting to be away from my husband either but I had to honor my heart first. My heart wasn't smiling as much as I was hoping for it to, therefore I took the time I needed to nurture it. After months of not going along, I decided to tag along, for peace sakes, if nothing else. 

Vacation Time!
New Nine West handbag, one of a few bags I had recently purchased. We took one of Calvin's cars. I like it when he drives. I feel like such a wife! Calvin had a client to see en route Ridgecrest (the desert). We stopped over in Glendale, he did a quick consultation while I sat and waited in the scorching heat in the car. This was my own doing. The client even offered for me to wait inside. I figured if I was burning in the car, the consultation would take less time. You know what I mean, right? He got back in the car, we proceeded with out journey. 

Calvin had been in a funny mood all day. I don't do well with tension. I always try to diffuse it but there's only so much one person can do. If the other party doesn't appreciate that you're humbling yourself and are doing whatever it takes to make things feel nice, and insist on being Grumpy Gina, what are you to do? I noticed silly things taking place during our ride, like, it'd be quiet; I would decide to connect my iPod on to play my music, and he would disconnect it and play his music, super loud. I would try to charge my cellphone, he would decide to use that very opportunity to charge his cellphone because HIS phone needs to be charged because HE works, because HE is the one paying ALL the bills. Yall know I am not sitting at home twiddling my thumbs all day! I hustle too! But, OK, Sir! Whatever you say! Go right ahead! Can we have peace now? 

You know what I don't like? Tension in a small enclosed space. I tend to feel claustrophobic! We somehow missed a turn and boom! We added more time to our already long ass drive. Golly! We drove and drove and drove until I got hungry. I mentioned that I was craving nuts. I always crave nuts when I'm hungry. He asked if I wanted him to off ramp and drive around to find nuts for me? Also! How would he find a place that sells nuts? Should he punch in nuts in the GPS? I was very confused as to why I was getting so much attitude. All I do is be nice and loving, why the backlash? I don't dare ask, so I just try to maintain the peace lest someone explodes on me, causing this small car to implode! How do you respond to these kinds of questions? first of all, I didn't say I wanted nuts, I said I was craving them. Even if I had said I wanted them, I didn't ask anyone to stop there and then and buy me nuts. It wasn't a matter of life or death.

Anywho! We kept going for a bit, then we took an off ramp towards a drug store. I went in there and grabbed a couple of things while Calv went to the rest room. That particular drug store "didn't have a restroom" *insert eye roll here*. He stepped out. I quickly paid for my stuff, which made me feel better as the last thing I would've wanted would've been for him to pay for me as well. He waited in the car. When I got in there, the door pushed out from all the tension overfilling the car and hardly closed! I thanked him for stopping. He was breathing funny, fuming. I knew I was about to get it! I kept having flashes of being back in LA alone, in peace, but! No regrets! Right? He told me that he was going to lose his job because of me. I don't respond to these kinds of remarks because there's never the right thing to say. Silence is golden! He went on to tell me that he had to pee somewhere he wasn't supposed to and had he gotten caught, it would have been bad. Also, if they have cameras, they could still catch him. I don't know how they would've known what his name and his details were just from a photo but ok. America's most wanted, maybe? 

He went on and on and on. I was just munching on my nuts and pork rinds. 

We pulled over at Dennis (it's a fast food type restaurant, with more of a sit down vibe than your fast foods). Now, I have to sit across the table from this man. All I wanna do is go for a long walk! I told him I wasn't hungry, (nuts, remember?), I was going to take my food home. He told me it was too hot to store food in the car, my food would be ruined. He is very particular about food contamination etc. He told me he would stop closer to the house and buy me dinner. Before I knew it, he was welling up and before I could grasp that, his entire face was filled with tears. You could tell he couldn't hold them back. He went, oh, oops! Got up and sprinted for the restroom before I could investigate what the fck was gong on. I sat there thinking: It's gonna be a long trip! 

When he got back, he apologized. I asked if he was OK. He told me he would appreciate it if I would respect his wishes of not wanting to talk about it. Just like he always respects mine when I don't want to talk about things. Owkay! He ordered and ate and I watched and prayed that time would fly. We weren't even at our destination yet and there was already so much drama.

We pulled up at a gas station. Calvin bought a few six packs of beer, ice and other things. I assumed he was going to either grab something for me to eat there or next stop. Next thing I knew, we were arriving at the house in the desert. 

As we were off loading the car, I asked if he got me something to eat. He was like, oh sht! Why didn't you remind me on our way? I told him he used a different route that I wasn't familiar wish, so I didn't know if we were close to the house or not. I thought there would still be a restaurant or a store or something before home. I also, snuck in that I thought that if he remembered to get himself beers, surely, he would remember to get his wife something to eat, haha!  Oh my gosh, I shouldn't have! He lost his fcking sht! He was like, really, Brook! Really? You know I'm forgetful. (well, you didn't forget the beer. I was thinking!). You don't appreciate sht! You this! You that! You bah blah blah blah! Youuuuu! He was getting more and more worked up, the more he kept talking. Then, he was so mad, he started crying, then, he got madder, it was a jumble up of emotions that I was too tired and hungry to try and figure out. I told him if he didn't stop yelling, I was going to call Uber and take it back to LA and he was going to pay for it. "What the fck am I here for then? I only came here for you! I didn't want to be here and I will never ever come here ever again", I told him. He got mad/sad at that and asked what he can do to change the way I felt about going to the desert again. I told him: nothing. He went nuts again and told me that I was doing that to punish him. I know he doesn't like it when he can't fix things, the fact that I was presenting him with a situation he couldn't fix was mean and uncalled for. Tell me, dear reader, who likes to be in situations they cant fix? Nobody! 

He went on and on, yelling about this, that and the other. I went outside and paced back and forth on the stoop. When I would go back inside, he would start all over again. He would yell so much, foam would come out his mouth. I told him: are you aware what is going on here right now? You are a man, yelling at your wife within the first five minutes of your vacation! That's what's going on right now. Are you proud of what you are doing?

I was like, don't do this Calv, we still have a few days to spend together here, you're ruining it for both of us. You're going to want to apologize once you get all this out of your system. It'll be too late because you're continuing to say things that you can't take back; stop! He told me he would stop if I took back what I said about not wanting to go to the desert again. I told him I wasn't going to make that kind of a deal with him. That was a consequence of his actions, it was what it was! 

One thing about me, I can't lie for sht! I will not lie to you in order for you not to shoot me in the head, if my life depended on it. I wasn't going to lie in order for him to stop acting like a crazy person. No! Stop acting like a crazy person. WTF?

Eventually, he calmed down. I went to bed on an empty stomach. 
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Social Media is not real life
The following morning, I posted this photo of our feet on Snapchat. It's cute and adorable and all things romanticle but doesn't depict what's in the hearts of the people those feet belong to. 

Expired food
Maggie, mom in law loves to shop for food bargains. She takes with her a lot of food nobody is going to eat whenever going to the desert house. I emptied the fridge/freezer and what you see before you is some of the spoiled food from the fridge that she took there. 

Shark for breakfast
Calv made breakfast. Shark. Have you ever had it before?

Mushrooms
We always go shopping for fresh food for our trip the morning after our arrival. This was our breakfast. Calvin always cooks, which is always a treat as he's such a great cook / BBQer
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Father-in-law's bed
I felt some kind of way sleeping on late father-in-law's bed but Calvin had been suggesting we use it since Jim was still alive, so, the time had to finally come, I guess. RIP, Jimmy

To be continued...
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