Monday, September 20, 2021

Dating my Ex

 So Derrick's pick me up! I had already texted him the address, so I went around to the car section to meed him at the gate. He was already in the parking lot! They had let him in! I'm like, wait! Why did you say you were here? 'they didn't ask!' He replied! Oh, the White privilege of it all! I half joked with him. Derrick was a brand new man! His hair was cut different. I loved his old one, it went well with his nerd-ishness. The new cut was more now, I liked it as well but it kinda changed his vibe, or altered my perception of him, in a weird way. He had lost a ton of weight! He wasn't fat to begin with but he had a bit of cushion in his midsection. That was gone!

Who the heck is this? The person he was before fit what I was looking for at the time. He was a safe choice. Not the day he dumped me in the parking lot, he wasn't! Any who! Where's his black car? Not in this parking lot! Dude showed up in a new truck! The thing was ginormous! It's tall, with fat wheels and everything! If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was overcompensating for something. He jumped out of that huge truck to greet me and almost picked me up off the ground in his hug. He does give the best hugs! And could sweep me off my feet like it's nothing. Which was always exciting and impressive for the guy of his height. What's the opposite of height? Lowt? 

He told me I looked good! I never thought I'd see the day! This guy never complimented once in the year we were together! On my birthday, his compliment to me for looking so good was: where are you going? I'm not here to dog him because we had great times together, he made me laugh like no other and other, and I think he understood me and I would like to think I understood him. Both of us were afraid to be vulnerable. I think that's the reason our deal didn't work long term. He asked what I wanted to eat, I probably told him: FOOD! As that's always what I'd like to eat. Always! (no pun intended). We went to a Mexican place. The same one we had gone to our first time at his place. 

Ordered the same thing we had first time we came here


Coincidence? Dunno! We had to put masks on to go in and could take them off once we were seated. 

He seemed so excited. He was smiling a lot and his energy was high. It's nice to see that someone is happy to see you. It wasn't awkward being around each other. We talked about all kinds of things. I even mentioned my intent on buying a house. He offered his realtor people who had helped him buy both his properties. It was nice that he recommended someone but I didn't know about using his people. I didn't know if I wanted to be associated with him again after that day. We even talked about George Floyd! I don't know much about current events. I'm also not blind! We were laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe. I uttered that out loud, then realized it may not have been the best climate to say those three words. Derrick had his story about cops holding him like they did George. We won't get into that, Derrick blog about that on his blog. Which, he doesn't have.

After dinner, D was like, wanna come to my place a bit? I'm like: no! For what? He came up with all kinds of reasons. I was like, OMG I get why you picked me up now! I should've known it wasn't going to be without strings attached. I made it clear that one thing was not going to lead with another that night.

All kinds of feeling rushed through me when we pulled up at his place. I hadn't been there in so long! And I didn't think I would ever be back there. And there I was, back, with a skinnier guy, different haircut and truck! What is life? We walked towards his apartment, me holding thumbs that nobody I knew from before would see me. I felt kind of weird being there. Kinda dumb. As if I would have to explain to them that it wasn't what it looked like. I felt kinda like I did being back at my wasband, Calvin's after moving to the air bnb, back in the day. Speaking of which, I know that Calvin reads this blog, I wonder if Derrick has found it yet? I wouldn't be surprised. How hard can it be to find, really? It's under my real name! 

I was already dressed comfortable, in my trucking gear, so there was no need to get more comfortable. We sat on the couch and talked with the TV on as we always did. We spent a lot of time on that grey couch! Talking and sleeping, and talking and sleeping. Me, doing most of the talking, haha! Oops! But Derrick's a good listener. He never made me feel like it was a bother. Calvin once said, in response to me complaining about him tuning me out: "what were you saying that was so important? What story were you telling me this time?" Verbatim! I never forgot that for how mean spirited it was. I don't need to talk and finish stories, I have my blog for that. Even if nobody ever read this story, I do it to get my thoughts out. I've always been someone who journals. But I would like to know that the person I am with would care that my feelings were hurt by their actions. It's not about a story. But that spoke volumes. It's one of those things that when someone does, you know he's not the person you're going to be with forever. Am I the only one who feels these feelings? Or am I holding a grudge? Let me know in the comments section or on my social, your thoughts. 

I got to ask Derrick more questions about his life the time I was not around. F*ck anyone? "yeah, that didn't end well! Story of my life" Me: eeewwwwww! Gross! Tell me more about this person who took my place?...

@BabalwaBrook Thanks for all the follows on social media

Youtube.com/babalwabrook thanks for the subs, keep em coming


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